Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings; it belongs
to J.R.R. Tolkien. All Authors and OCs used with permission.
The File Cabinet
"Let me bust in there! Come on!"
Naurglahad thrashed and pulled like a mad bull in the arena, trying to escape her father's grip on her wrist. He wouldn't allow her to go charging in madly, guns alight and running over Mary-Sues like crazy. He said it was too unorganized and it would get the whole party surrounded by Sues in mere moments. Most of the OCs agreed with him, but being as pathetically stubborn as she was, Naurglahad wouldn't have it.
The decor of the front gates weren't much help, either. It only angered Naurglahad to see small, petite flowers and woodland creatures hopping about the neatly trimmed grass and trees, all in a perpetual state to fit Vivaldi's Four Seasons. A small tinkling stream was singing a happy tune in harmony with the blue birds and red birds and purple birds and yellow birds. Pitifully, there were no black birds. But by popular guess, no one would be able to observe every perfect detail of this Mary-Sue garden, for Naurglahad was prepared to burn it all down in a fiery blaze of doom, death, and destruction*.
"I came to assassinate Sues!" she roared, almost ripping Oni's hand off to make sure she wouldn't run loose. "We're supposed to assassinate Sues! Why won't you let me?"
"Because you'll get us all killed!" shouted Oni over her crass screaming.
She took a breath and slouched, seemingly weary from all of her shouting. Oni did the same. Too bad. She ran off as soon as he loosened his grip, charging recklessly at the sparkly, blinding gates of the Mary-Sue fort. "Don't let that bull break in!" cried her father, who had fallen down like an old pillar tugged by too many years, now laying sprawled on the plushy, emerald green grass.
"You, three!" barked Narcissus suddenly, pointing at the three outlaws who stood on the sidelines with the Muses. "You could do cattle-ranching, couldn't you?"
"Well," Ted replied with anxiety, "we ain't exactly cattle ranchers but--"
"Why don't you just get her yourself?" interrupted Jack gruffly, obviously reluctant to wrestling a young woman who was probably capable of biting his head off. He raised an eyebrow at the fallen dragon-lord and the witch who stood beside him. Oni and Narcissus did not reply immediately, and instead looked down at the ground for a moment. Simultaneously, they explained dully:
"We might accidentally kill her."
"Y'reckon y'might kill your own daughter?"
Both looked down at the ground again in a mildly curious ponder. Narcissus fingered her staff in her right hand, as Oni rattled his fingers on the earth.
"Yup."
"...Nice..."
Bam! Everyone turned to see that Naurglahad had already started ramming into the doors. "Do it now, or else!" threatened Narcissus. "You know the consequences."
Jack gave a forfeiting sigh as he approached the "bull" cautiously, keeping in mind that the "bull" probably would not hesitate to gore people to death with the "horns". Maybe if he treated her like an actual bull, she would calm down.
As Naurglahad backed up to ram the door again, he took his bandana and ambushed her from behind, covering her eyes with it so that she couldn't see him and might shut up. To his relief, she did the exact thing. Only problem was, the "bull" also liked to use its sense of smell to locate enemies. Pity that Jack could not escape the---
"OW!"
Jack staggered away from Naurglahad, cursing as he clutched his shin and stomach. Poor Ted didn't quite know what to do; whether to help Jack or to save himself from the ferocious beast that was charging directly at him. Not much to do, really. He put his arms up to block the strong blow that he knew was coming, but thank the Lord, it didn't come to him.
It collided into Blue, instead.
"Never thought I'd see a woman wrestle like a lion, before," murmured Ted, dragging Jack and his bruised limbs away from the vicious duel that ensued.
"That ain't no woman!" exclaimed Jack in reply. "That's a Hell-raisin', Sue-killing, football-kickin' dragon warrior!"
Narcissus shook her head. "She gets it from you." She pointed to Oni accusingly. "I shudder to imagine what you were like at sixteen."
Oni only grinned and cackled darkly to himself. Narcissus replied with a crass remark, and he with a sarcastic one. Jack made a comment, and Ted did, too. Then it went Oni, Jack, Narcissus, Jack, Narcissus, Oni, Ted, Jack, Oni, Narcissus, Jack, Oni, Ted, Oni. The conversation continued for about five straight minutes, and during that whole time, no one noticed the twenty-odd-something times Blue came flying and crashing to the ground, Naurglahad stomping after him and cracking her knuckles. But he always seemed to be able to get up again and take a few more hits. Luckily for him, the "bull" was tiring easily.
"This is getting nowhere," whispered the Head Muse, still on the sidelines with his fellow muses.
"We could bust in ourselves!" exclaimed #4.
"And be spies among the Mary-Sues!" continued #2.
"It has its points," commented #3, still on the same violet scarf he was working on since Wednesday; it was about twenty-feet long, now.
"Will anyone notice?"
The assassin, the sorceress, and the two outlaws were still debating; Blue was defying gravity and the "bull" was about to drop out from exhaustion.
"Nope."
"Then let's go!"
~*~
Tip toe, tip toe, tip toe -- crunch. "OW!"
The Head Muse slapped a hand over #4's mouth. 4's eyes narrowed as his face reddened on the verge of going into a dramatic rant. #3 sighed, twiddling his fingers nervously in resistance to snatching the scarf in his pocket; finishing it up might calm him down. The Head Muse shook his head urgently, silently begging him not to sit down and stall; not now.
It had mentally been one of the most intense journeys the Muses had ever taken. Somehow, they had luckily broken through the back door way of the Mary-Sue fort, and crept down several empty corridors. But they knew that the corridors would not be empty forever. Something was bound to happen soon.
"Hey--"
"WE'VE BEEN CAUGHT!" screamed all four Muses, whipping around to face the Sue that had found them.
"Hey!" said #2, but he lowered his voice before identifying the one they had encountered. "Trisha!"
"Ssh," whispered Trisha, putting a finger to her lips. "They don't know what side I'm really on, so keep your mouths shut before--"
"And what intruders have you caught so quickly, Trisha?" asked someone from behind the Muses. It was another Mary-Sue.
Trisha looked up, but instead of attacking the Sue, she smiled calmly and stroked #4 on the head. "I found..." she gave the Muses a hinting look as she picked up the Head Muse and turned him around to face the Sue. Head Muse's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "These... adorable little Muse creatures looking for... for employment!"
The Mary-Sue, blonde and purple-eyed, squealed in delight at the adorable gleam in Head Muse's petrified stare. She snatched him from Trisha's grasp and hugged him tightly. "It's so cccuuuuuuttee!"
"Drop him, Sue-Sludge!" shouted #2, jumping up and down in anger. #3 couldn't take it anymore; he had to start knitting, and knitting now.
"And they have personalities!" she squeaked again, yanking #2 from the ground. She also picked up #3. "With home-economic abilities!" #4 went as red as his robes, either from fury, or disgust. "And color sense! That shade of red goes perfectly with that shade of red!" She beamed at Trisha, who had flung her hands behind her back to make sure that the Sue wouldn't see them cringing in remorse. "You found some very good employees! You four..." she hugged them altogether, "can work... hm... at the make-up department!"
"Ah," interrupted Trisha, taking the Muses by the hands, "actually, I was going to... send them to the flower gardens! You know, the usual weekly trim on the patches?" Trisha was lying; the trims actually came once every twenty-seconds. "We can't... let our fellow Sue's robes get all covered in dirt, can we? Nor do we want the Athelas to be taken over by weeds, eh?"
"Of course not!" exclaimed the Sue, as if this was the most brilliant idea ever created. Apparently, she also forgot that Athelas was already a weed. "Take them to the flower gardens, then!" Satisfied, she waltzed away from the corridor and back into Hell's maw--well, wherever she came from.
"You aren't really going to make us work in the flower beds, are you?" asked Head Muse.
"No." The Muses sighed in relief. "But follow me. I thought I heard some serious torture going on in the highlands."
"Highlands?" inquired #4 curiously.
"The more heavily guarded areas, but I'm pretty sure we can find a way in.... Just be sure to--" The Muses widened their eyes again. "--be as hideously cute as possible."
* you gotta' love the three D's... well, I do; I just made it up.
The File Cabinet
"Let me bust in there! Come on!"
Naurglahad thrashed and pulled like a mad bull in the arena, trying to escape her father's grip on her wrist. He wouldn't allow her to go charging in madly, guns alight and running over Mary-Sues like crazy. He said it was too unorganized and it would get the whole party surrounded by Sues in mere moments. Most of the OCs agreed with him, but being as pathetically stubborn as she was, Naurglahad wouldn't have it.
The decor of the front gates weren't much help, either. It only angered Naurglahad to see small, petite flowers and woodland creatures hopping about the neatly trimmed grass and trees, all in a perpetual state to fit Vivaldi's Four Seasons. A small tinkling stream was singing a happy tune in harmony with the blue birds and red birds and purple birds and yellow birds. Pitifully, there were no black birds. But by popular guess, no one would be able to observe every perfect detail of this Mary-Sue garden, for Naurglahad was prepared to burn it all down in a fiery blaze of doom, death, and destruction*.
"I came to assassinate Sues!" she roared, almost ripping Oni's hand off to make sure she wouldn't run loose. "We're supposed to assassinate Sues! Why won't you let me?"
"Because you'll get us all killed!" shouted Oni over her crass screaming.
She took a breath and slouched, seemingly weary from all of her shouting. Oni did the same. Too bad. She ran off as soon as he loosened his grip, charging recklessly at the sparkly, blinding gates of the Mary-Sue fort. "Don't let that bull break in!" cried her father, who had fallen down like an old pillar tugged by too many years, now laying sprawled on the plushy, emerald green grass.
"You, three!" barked Narcissus suddenly, pointing at the three outlaws who stood on the sidelines with the Muses. "You could do cattle-ranching, couldn't you?"
"Well," Ted replied with anxiety, "we ain't exactly cattle ranchers but--"
"Why don't you just get her yourself?" interrupted Jack gruffly, obviously reluctant to wrestling a young woman who was probably capable of biting his head off. He raised an eyebrow at the fallen dragon-lord and the witch who stood beside him. Oni and Narcissus did not reply immediately, and instead looked down at the ground for a moment. Simultaneously, they explained dully:
"We might accidentally kill her."
"Y'reckon y'might kill your own daughter?"
Both looked down at the ground again in a mildly curious ponder. Narcissus fingered her staff in her right hand, as Oni rattled his fingers on the earth.
"Yup."
"...Nice..."
Bam! Everyone turned to see that Naurglahad had already started ramming into the doors. "Do it now, or else!" threatened Narcissus. "You know the consequences."
Jack gave a forfeiting sigh as he approached the "bull" cautiously, keeping in mind that the "bull" probably would not hesitate to gore people to death with the "horns". Maybe if he treated her like an actual bull, she would calm down.
As Naurglahad backed up to ram the door again, he took his bandana and ambushed her from behind, covering her eyes with it so that she couldn't see him and might shut up. To his relief, she did the exact thing. Only problem was, the "bull" also liked to use its sense of smell to locate enemies. Pity that Jack could not escape the---
"OW!"
Jack staggered away from Naurglahad, cursing as he clutched his shin and stomach. Poor Ted didn't quite know what to do; whether to help Jack or to save himself from the ferocious beast that was charging directly at him. Not much to do, really. He put his arms up to block the strong blow that he knew was coming, but thank the Lord, it didn't come to him.
It collided into Blue, instead.
"Never thought I'd see a woman wrestle like a lion, before," murmured Ted, dragging Jack and his bruised limbs away from the vicious duel that ensued.
"That ain't no woman!" exclaimed Jack in reply. "That's a Hell-raisin', Sue-killing, football-kickin' dragon warrior!"
Narcissus shook her head. "She gets it from you." She pointed to Oni accusingly. "I shudder to imagine what you were like at sixteen."
Oni only grinned and cackled darkly to himself. Narcissus replied with a crass remark, and he with a sarcastic one. Jack made a comment, and Ted did, too. Then it went Oni, Jack, Narcissus, Jack, Narcissus, Oni, Ted, Jack, Oni, Narcissus, Jack, Oni, Ted, Oni. The conversation continued for about five straight minutes, and during that whole time, no one noticed the twenty-odd-something times Blue came flying and crashing to the ground, Naurglahad stomping after him and cracking her knuckles. But he always seemed to be able to get up again and take a few more hits. Luckily for him, the "bull" was tiring easily.
"This is getting nowhere," whispered the Head Muse, still on the sidelines with his fellow muses.
"We could bust in ourselves!" exclaimed #4.
"And be spies among the Mary-Sues!" continued #2.
"It has its points," commented #3, still on the same violet scarf he was working on since Wednesday; it was about twenty-feet long, now.
"Will anyone notice?"
The assassin, the sorceress, and the two outlaws were still debating; Blue was defying gravity and the "bull" was about to drop out from exhaustion.
"Nope."
"Then let's go!"
~*~
Tip toe, tip toe, tip toe -- crunch. "OW!"
The Head Muse slapped a hand over #4's mouth. 4's eyes narrowed as his face reddened on the verge of going into a dramatic rant. #3 sighed, twiddling his fingers nervously in resistance to snatching the scarf in his pocket; finishing it up might calm him down. The Head Muse shook his head urgently, silently begging him not to sit down and stall; not now.
It had mentally been one of the most intense journeys the Muses had ever taken. Somehow, they had luckily broken through the back door way of the Mary-Sue fort, and crept down several empty corridors. But they knew that the corridors would not be empty forever. Something was bound to happen soon.
"Hey--"
"WE'VE BEEN CAUGHT!" screamed all four Muses, whipping around to face the Sue that had found them.
"Hey!" said #2, but he lowered his voice before identifying the one they had encountered. "Trisha!"
"Ssh," whispered Trisha, putting a finger to her lips. "They don't know what side I'm really on, so keep your mouths shut before--"
"And what intruders have you caught so quickly, Trisha?" asked someone from behind the Muses. It was another Mary-Sue.
Trisha looked up, but instead of attacking the Sue, she smiled calmly and stroked #4 on the head. "I found..." she gave the Muses a hinting look as she picked up the Head Muse and turned him around to face the Sue. Head Muse's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "These... adorable little Muse creatures looking for... for employment!"
The Mary-Sue, blonde and purple-eyed, squealed in delight at the adorable gleam in Head Muse's petrified stare. She snatched him from Trisha's grasp and hugged him tightly. "It's so cccuuuuuuttee!"
"Drop him, Sue-Sludge!" shouted #2, jumping up and down in anger. #3 couldn't take it anymore; he had to start knitting, and knitting now.
"And they have personalities!" she squeaked again, yanking #2 from the ground. She also picked up #3. "With home-economic abilities!" #4 went as red as his robes, either from fury, or disgust. "And color sense! That shade of red goes perfectly with that shade of red!" She beamed at Trisha, who had flung her hands behind her back to make sure that the Sue wouldn't see them cringing in remorse. "You found some very good employees! You four..." she hugged them altogether, "can work... hm... at the make-up department!"
"Ah," interrupted Trisha, taking the Muses by the hands, "actually, I was going to... send them to the flower gardens! You know, the usual weekly trim on the patches?" Trisha was lying; the trims actually came once every twenty-seconds. "We can't... let our fellow Sue's robes get all covered in dirt, can we? Nor do we want the Athelas to be taken over by weeds, eh?"
"Of course not!" exclaimed the Sue, as if this was the most brilliant idea ever created. Apparently, she also forgot that Athelas was already a weed. "Take them to the flower gardens, then!" Satisfied, she waltzed away from the corridor and back into Hell's maw--well, wherever she came from.
"You aren't really going to make us work in the flower beds, are you?" asked Head Muse.
"No." The Muses sighed in relief. "But follow me. I thought I heard some serious torture going on in the highlands."
"Highlands?" inquired #4 curiously.
"The more heavily guarded areas, but I'm pretty sure we can find a way in.... Just be sure to--" The Muses widened their eyes again. "--be as hideously cute as possible."
* you gotta' love the three D's... well, I do; I just made it up.