Diaclaimer: I don't own Alias, nor any of the characters, nor some of the
dialougue. If I did, I would make the fight sequences more realistic, and
Jennifer Garner would wear more clothing at some points...
A/N: Okay, This would work a lot better if I could format it how I want it to, but the stuff between *'s are lines to a song by Everclear that relate to this, and are kind if playing in the background, and breaking up the dialogue, you know, stylistic stuff, I would've put it in Italics, and separated t from the rest of the story a bit more, but this is fanfiction.net, so...
It's Dixon's thoughts while preparing to jump off of the bridge from last Sunday's episode, or at least I hope it is, tell me what you think, cuz I'm not sure if I conveyed it right, and it's just a hopeful idea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* The only thing that ever made sense to me Is the words to a song from an American movie... *
I step out of the car, and all of my senses are heightened. Of all the missions I've been on, I cannot think of a time when I was this tense or nervous. I cannot remember a time when my pulse was this quick.
I am aware of everything around me. I hear no wind, but I can almost feel a gentle breeze. There's a truck about 700 yards away-I can smell it's exhaust. There's a rabbit or squirrel in the undergrowth at the edge of the bridge-the bushes rustle with his every move. I can feel the uneven pavement beneath my feet. Pavement I have walked over so many times, but never really noticed. There is no one here. Just me, and the remainder of my life in pieces on the floor.
A warm tear rolls down my cheek, and I make no move to stop it. I am alone. My pulse quickens...
* The only thing that ever made sense in my life...*
I can feel my blood pulsing through every part of my body: my feet, my hands, my head...my heart. I can hear it in my ears like a thousand drums closing in around me. My heart taunts me as I my hands grip firmly around the cold railing. I need to escape it, this is torture!!
Make it stop!! Can't anyone make it stop??
I am weeping openly now, but I don't care. I can feel the stinging breeze on my wet face. I have nothing more to do-nothing else to give.
But I cannot ignore the futile beating of my heart. The beating will be over soon-everything will be over soon: the pain, the fear, the grief, and that sick, horrible, mocking beating. I will make them stop. Doesn't my heart know that I am already dead without her??
I have never balanced like this before...not caring weather or not I fall, but at the same time, still standing. There is only one thing left to do now.
I lift my hands and face up to the blank moon. I remember the flames engulfing my wife-my life-like it is happening in front of my...I can feel the heat and sweat on my still tearstained face.
I have nothing to loose.
God, you know that I cannot do this alone. I need Diane. Without her I am nothing, that's why I'm here now.
Forgive me-there's nowhere to go, nothing I can do...I have nothing to live for...
That sound, wait I know that sound! That is the sound of a baby crying...
* Is the sound of my little girl laughing through the window of a summer night...*
Oh God-Thank you! My babies! How could I forget my babies?? The years we spent raising them were not in vain. To think that I almost left my babies!
As I collapse onto the cool railing I weep for everything-my loss, my selfishness, my wife, and my babies. I want to live to see my babies...
* I sit alone on the back porch wishing I could be inside Just the sound of my little girl laughing... *
I can remember now...4 am feedings, midnight diaper runs, the first day of kindergarden, fevers and Christmas presents. I remember that they need me like I need her.
I remember that I don't want to die, I want her to be alive.
I remember everything...
* Makes me happy just to be alive... *
I can feel again. I feel pain, and heartbreak and an overpowering loneliness, but I also feel pure joy and love. Love that I was too blind to see...
But no longer. I will live to see another day. For me, for my wife, for my babies. I will not do this to the people who have done and are doing too much for me.
* It makes me happy just to be alive... *
I have people to thank-and people to get even with-I have plenty to live for. Like Sydney, she's still out there fighting for me now. If she can lie for me, she can help me. She can help me thank, but most of all, she can help me with one problem-Sloane.
Oh, a car seat never felt so comfortable...and I can't wait to hug my babies.
* ...It makes me happy just to be alive... *
I have never been so aware of my driving-I want to get home quickly, but I must get there safely. I have a life to live.
I have a purpose.
I have things to make right.
I have people to see.
The flashing, glaring streetlights are such a gentle, welcome reminder of the life I've found...
...mine
* ...It makes me happy just to be alive. *
A/N: Okay, This would work a lot better if I could format it how I want it to, but the stuff between *'s are lines to a song by Everclear that relate to this, and are kind if playing in the background, and breaking up the dialogue, you know, stylistic stuff, I would've put it in Italics, and separated t from the rest of the story a bit more, but this is fanfiction.net, so...
It's Dixon's thoughts while preparing to jump off of the bridge from last Sunday's episode, or at least I hope it is, tell me what you think, cuz I'm not sure if I conveyed it right, and it's just a hopeful idea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* The only thing that ever made sense to me Is the words to a song from an American movie... *
I step out of the car, and all of my senses are heightened. Of all the missions I've been on, I cannot think of a time when I was this tense or nervous. I cannot remember a time when my pulse was this quick.
I am aware of everything around me. I hear no wind, but I can almost feel a gentle breeze. There's a truck about 700 yards away-I can smell it's exhaust. There's a rabbit or squirrel in the undergrowth at the edge of the bridge-the bushes rustle with his every move. I can feel the uneven pavement beneath my feet. Pavement I have walked over so many times, but never really noticed. There is no one here. Just me, and the remainder of my life in pieces on the floor.
A warm tear rolls down my cheek, and I make no move to stop it. I am alone. My pulse quickens...
* The only thing that ever made sense in my life...*
I can feel my blood pulsing through every part of my body: my feet, my hands, my head...my heart. I can hear it in my ears like a thousand drums closing in around me. My heart taunts me as I my hands grip firmly around the cold railing. I need to escape it, this is torture!!
Make it stop!! Can't anyone make it stop??
I am weeping openly now, but I don't care. I can feel the stinging breeze on my wet face. I have nothing more to do-nothing else to give.
But I cannot ignore the futile beating of my heart. The beating will be over soon-everything will be over soon: the pain, the fear, the grief, and that sick, horrible, mocking beating. I will make them stop. Doesn't my heart know that I am already dead without her??
I have never balanced like this before...not caring weather or not I fall, but at the same time, still standing. There is only one thing left to do now.
I lift my hands and face up to the blank moon. I remember the flames engulfing my wife-my life-like it is happening in front of my...I can feel the heat and sweat on my still tearstained face.
I have nothing to loose.
God, you know that I cannot do this alone. I need Diane. Without her I am nothing, that's why I'm here now.
Forgive me-there's nowhere to go, nothing I can do...I have nothing to live for...
That sound, wait I know that sound! That is the sound of a baby crying...
* Is the sound of my little girl laughing through the window of a summer night...*
Oh God-Thank you! My babies! How could I forget my babies?? The years we spent raising them were not in vain. To think that I almost left my babies!
As I collapse onto the cool railing I weep for everything-my loss, my selfishness, my wife, and my babies. I want to live to see my babies...
* I sit alone on the back porch wishing I could be inside Just the sound of my little girl laughing... *
I can remember now...4 am feedings, midnight diaper runs, the first day of kindergarden, fevers and Christmas presents. I remember that they need me like I need her.
I remember that I don't want to die, I want her to be alive.
I remember everything...
* Makes me happy just to be alive... *
I can feel again. I feel pain, and heartbreak and an overpowering loneliness, but I also feel pure joy and love. Love that I was too blind to see...
But no longer. I will live to see another day. For me, for my wife, for my babies. I will not do this to the people who have done and are doing too much for me.
* It makes me happy just to be alive... *
I have people to thank-and people to get even with-I have plenty to live for. Like Sydney, she's still out there fighting for me now. If she can lie for me, she can help me. She can help me thank, but most of all, she can help me with one problem-Sloane.
Oh, a car seat never felt so comfortable...and I can't wait to hug my babies.
* ...It makes me happy just to be alive... *
I have never been so aware of my driving-I want to get home quickly, but I must get there safely. I have a life to live.
I have a purpose.
I have things to make right.
I have people to see.
The flashing, glaring streetlights are such a gentle, welcome reminder of the life I've found...
...mine
* ...It makes me happy just to be alive. *