Names are a form of label, and I have many labels. I've been called a
traitor by those I was trying to help. I've been called a hero by those who
I worked with when I betrayed my friends. And I have been called a traitor
by those who have betrayed all that is good in the world. But only once
have I been betrayed.
***
I looked at the man I held in my arms as he lay on the floor. Fifteen minutes ago I would have said he was the most honourable person on the planet. Five minutes ago I would have called him a despicable traitor. Now I understood why he had done everything he had done, and all I could do was pity him, and wish that things had turned out differently. "Tell my children their father loves them," he said, so quietly I don't think the others heard him.
I looked towards Susanne and Jonathon, seeing them cling to each other, Susanne with tears in her eyes. Did they know? Did they know that Daniel was their father? Did they know what he risked, what he gave up for them? I don't think they did. I looked back at Daniel, and, knowing he didn't have long to live, "I promise," I told him, as his eyes closed, a smile resting on his lips. At least he could die happy now.
"Is he. . ." Susanne began, but stopped. I knew what she wanted to know, and reached out to check Daniel's pulse. It was there, very faint, but it was there.
"He's alive," I tell her, "but he won't be for long if we don't get him out of here." I picked him up, surprised by how light he was. Carter looked at me, and Daniel, before turning and leading the way back to the elevator. Susanne and Jonathon followed her, turning back frequently to look at me as I carried Daniel. I didn't cry. I was a soldier, who'd fought battles and lost people before. Each time it tore a chunk from my heart, but I didn't cry. There would be time for tears later.
The next hour or so passed in a complete blur. There were brief fights, as Carter shot various guards and we headed ever onwards towards our escape. Susanne took a gun from one of the guards. It seems terrible that a young girl like her should have to shoot a gun, let alone be able to shoot it well. We found a helicopter pad just outside the building. I stayed back with Daniel and Jonathon during that fight. Carter stood at the door shooting down all the soldiers she could see, with Susanne beside her. Then Susanne lay down cover as Carter made a dash for the nearest helicopter. Between them, I think they shot down everyone there, then we ran to the helicopter to join Carter.
After the rush of that escape, the helicopter journey seemed to take forever. Carter was in the front flying the chopper, Susanne was with her. I was in the back with Jonathon trying to keep Daniel alive. It took all my Air Force training not to panic, as I struggled to remember the basic medical training I'd had. I bandaged up his wound with a first aid kit we'd found in the copper, but it didn't seem to help. It must have been about every five minutes that I checked his pulse, but it was weaker every time. I'm not sure that I've ever been so afraid in my life, and that's a life full of many battles. Jonathon may have tried to talk to me, but if he did I was too busy worrying about Daniel to hear him. I kept running over the events of that day and wondering if I could have done anything to help him. What if I'd trusted him more? What if I'd been more alert for guards? What if? What if? I think everyone who looses someone goes through their own selection of what ifs. Mine went back years. What if I'd never started working for the NID? What if I had tried to find out more about Susanne? As I watched a good man die before my eyes, I wondered if this was all my fault.
At last Carter took the chopper down.
"Call for an ambulance," she ordered, "I'll take fly further off, the helicopter would be too easy to trace." I did as she said, climbing out, carrying Daniel, with the two kids behind me. We were on a road in the middle of nowhere, but there was a phone booth near us. Why the hell anyone would build a phone booth in the middle of nowhere I didn't know, but I wasn't going to turn down this chance.
We had a short time before the ambulance came to think up a cover story. "We were hiking," I said, "and we found this man here. We've no idea what happened to him." The two children nodded. They understood the need for secrecy. They were so young. I hated Simmons and the NID more than before. These two children would never have a proper childhood. Their lives consisted of running and hiding, concealing themselves from people who longed to experiment on them. It just wasn't right.
I thought of the work I had done when I had worked for Maybourne, but even at our worst we never did anything like this. We thought what we were doing was for the best of everyone on Earth, including little children like these two. Never would I do anything to harm a child. Yet Simmons would. It just showed me how much we should hate the NID. Maybe most of the people working for it were no worse than me, and thought they were doing what was best, but as long as fiends like Simmons ran the organisation it would be something anyone with a conscience should shun.
At the hospital we found ourselves facing the questions we knew we would, but our story held together. Susanne again showed skills I would rather she didn't have, as she acted the part of a child having seen human cruelty for the first time. Did she know who Daniel was? She might suspect, seeing the similarities between Daniel and Jonathon, but I don't think she knew for sure. She was worried about him enough for it to be possible she knew, and I was moved by such pity that I hugged her without thinking. I was never much of a person for physical signs of affection, my work with the military kind of made me scorn it, but I needed to do something to make her feel better. Double agent or not, I had been part of the organisation that was responsible for all of this.
The three of us sat in the hospital waiting room for hours. Evening came, and then night. Jonathon lay down on the chairs, going to sleep with his head in my lap. Susanne leaned on me from the other side, her feet tucked under her on the chair. I felt I must look like the 'daddy' they were calling me for the sake of our act. Despite the gallons of coffee I had drunk, my eyes were barely staying open. So much had happened in one day, and now I was waiting to find out if my friend was still alive. I wondered where Carter was. Had the NID caught up with her, or was she secretly on her way to this hospital? Did she even know where this hospital was.
How many hours had gone by? I don't think I'll ever be sure. I was dozing by the time the nurse came up to us, telling us that Daniel was awake and we could see him briefly. We followed the nurse, all three of us suddenly awake. The good news had done more than any amount of coffee ever would.
I went into the room first, telling the children to wait outside. I needed to talk to Daniel before they did. He looked at me with an expression I couldn't read. I never was much of a people person. He was pale and looked so fragile, and almost sad, but I supposed that was only because he was so tired.
"I haven't told them," I said, "I think you should tell them yourself."
"They'd be ashamed. They deserve a better father than me." I couldn't believe I was hearing this. I'd rarely worked with Daniel while we'd been at the SGC, but I had heard enough about his mission to know just what sort of person he was. He had risked his life on a daily basis to save people who most of the SGC wouldn't really count as people. He'd rescued Unases and had almost died when he'd grabbed a radioactive device on another planet. He would have died if Jacob hadn't managed to heal him, but the people on that planet would have blamed him for the whole thing. Daniel was the best person I would probably ever meet. The fact that he had jumped in front of a bullet for those two kids would be more than enough proof for most people, but not Daniel himself apparently.
"Let them be the judge of that," I told him. I turned to go and fetch them, when he spoke to me from the bed.
"You should have let me die," he said, "it was what I deserved."
***
I looked at the man I held in my arms as he lay on the floor. Fifteen minutes ago I would have said he was the most honourable person on the planet. Five minutes ago I would have called him a despicable traitor. Now I understood why he had done everything he had done, and all I could do was pity him, and wish that things had turned out differently. "Tell my children their father loves them," he said, so quietly I don't think the others heard him.
I looked towards Susanne and Jonathon, seeing them cling to each other, Susanne with tears in her eyes. Did they know? Did they know that Daniel was their father? Did they know what he risked, what he gave up for them? I don't think they did. I looked back at Daniel, and, knowing he didn't have long to live, "I promise," I told him, as his eyes closed, a smile resting on his lips. At least he could die happy now.
"Is he. . ." Susanne began, but stopped. I knew what she wanted to know, and reached out to check Daniel's pulse. It was there, very faint, but it was there.
"He's alive," I tell her, "but he won't be for long if we don't get him out of here." I picked him up, surprised by how light he was. Carter looked at me, and Daniel, before turning and leading the way back to the elevator. Susanne and Jonathon followed her, turning back frequently to look at me as I carried Daniel. I didn't cry. I was a soldier, who'd fought battles and lost people before. Each time it tore a chunk from my heart, but I didn't cry. There would be time for tears later.
The next hour or so passed in a complete blur. There were brief fights, as Carter shot various guards and we headed ever onwards towards our escape. Susanne took a gun from one of the guards. It seems terrible that a young girl like her should have to shoot a gun, let alone be able to shoot it well. We found a helicopter pad just outside the building. I stayed back with Daniel and Jonathon during that fight. Carter stood at the door shooting down all the soldiers she could see, with Susanne beside her. Then Susanne lay down cover as Carter made a dash for the nearest helicopter. Between them, I think they shot down everyone there, then we ran to the helicopter to join Carter.
After the rush of that escape, the helicopter journey seemed to take forever. Carter was in the front flying the chopper, Susanne was with her. I was in the back with Jonathon trying to keep Daniel alive. It took all my Air Force training not to panic, as I struggled to remember the basic medical training I'd had. I bandaged up his wound with a first aid kit we'd found in the copper, but it didn't seem to help. It must have been about every five minutes that I checked his pulse, but it was weaker every time. I'm not sure that I've ever been so afraid in my life, and that's a life full of many battles. Jonathon may have tried to talk to me, but if he did I was too busy worrying about Daniel to hear him. I kept running over the events of that day and wondering if I could have done anything to help him. What if I'd trusted him more? What if I'd been more alert for guards? What if? What if? I think everyone who looses someone goes through their own selection of what ifs. Mine went back years. What if I'd never started working for the NID? What if I had tried to find out more about Susanne? As I watched a good man die before my eyes, I wondered if this was all my fault.
At last Carter took the chopper down.
"Call for an ambulance," she ordered, "I'll take fly further off, the helicopter would be too easy to trace." I did as she said, climbing out, carrying Daniel, with the two kids behind me. We were on a road in the middle of nowhere, but there was a phone booth near us. Why the hell anyone would build a phone booth in the middle of nowhere I didn't know, but I wasn't going to turn down this chance.
We had a short time before the ambulance came to think up a cover story. "We were hiking," I said, "and we found this man here. We've no idea what happened to him." The two children nodded. They understood the need for secrecy. They were so young. I hated Simmons and the NID more than before. These two children would never have a proper childhood. Their lives consisted of running and hiding, concealing themselves from people who longed to experiment on them. It just wasn't right.
I thought of the work I had done when I had worked for Maybourne, but even at our worst we never did anything like this. We thought what we were doing was for the best of everyone on Earth, including little children like these two. Never would I do anything to harm a child. Yet Simmons would. It just showed me how much we should hate the NID. Maybe most of the people working for it were no worse than me, and thought they were doing what was best, but as long as fiends like Simmons ran the organisation it would be something anyone with a conscience should shun.
At the hospital we found ourselves facing the questions we knew we would, but our story held together. Susanne again showed skills I would rather she didn't have, as she acted the part of a child having seen human cruelty for the first time. Did she know who Daniel was? She might suspect, seeing the similarities between Daniel and Jonathon, but I don't think she knew for sure. She was worried about him enough for it to be possible she knew, and I was moved by such pity that I hugged her without thinking. I was never much of a person for physical signs of affection, my work with the military kind of made me scorn it, but I needed to do something to make her feel better. Double agent or not, I had been part of the organisation that was responsible for all of this.
The three of us sat in the hospital waiting room for hours. Evening came, and then night. Jonathon lay down on the chairs, going to sleep with his head in my lap. Susanne leaned on me from the other side, her feet tucked under her on the chair. I felt I must look like the 'daddy' they were calling me for the sake of our act. Despite the gallons of coffee I had drunk, my eyes were barely staying open. So much had happened in one day, and now I was waiting to find out if my friend was still alive. I wondered where Carter was. Had the NID caught up with her, or was she secretly on her way to this hospital? Did she even know where this hospital was.
How many hours had gone by? I don't think I'll ever be sure. I was dozing by the time the nurse came up to us, telling us that Daniel was awake and we could see him briefly. We followed the nurse, all three of us suddenly awake. The good news had done more than any amount of coffee ever would.
I went into the room first, telling the children to wait outside. I needed to talk to Daniel before they did. He looked at me with an expression I couldn't read. I never was much of a people person. He was pale and looked so fragile, and almost sad, but I supposed that was only because he was so tired.
"I haven't told them," I said, "I think you should tell them yourself."
"They'd be ashamed. They deserve a better father than me." I couldn't believe I was hearing this. I'd rarely worked with Daniel while we'd been at the SGC, but I had heard enough about his mission to know just what sort of person he was. He had risked his life on a daily basis to save people who most of the SGC wouldn't really count as people. He'd rescued Unases and had almost died when he'd grabbed a radioactive device on another planet. He would have died if Jacob hadn't managed to heal him, but the people on that planet would have blamed him for the whole thing. Daniel was the best person I would probably ever meet. The fact that he had jumped in front of a bullet for those two kids would be more than enough proof for most people, but not Daniel himself apparently.
"Let them be the judge of that," I told him. I turned to go and fetch them, when he spoke to me from the bed.
"You should have let me die," he said, "it was what I deserved."