Chapter 3: There Is Always A Third Factor
It's offical. I have to die. How could I have been so blind?! My love for Hermione blinded me to all else. But reality tends to wake you up at the worst times. Just when I believed she was starting to care for me, reality had to slap me across the face.
I guess your wonder what the hell I'm rambling on about. Well, I'll tell you. Lately Hermione has been sending small smiles my way. I was beginning to think she maybe liked me too. But today in Potions, I had a rude awakening.
Hermione had just sent another one of her shy smiles my way. She turned her head again and looked at me. Or so I thought. I was in the process of getting lost in those pure chocolate depths when Prof. Snape's voice broke my world.
"Hermione Granger, if you do not dissit staring at Mr. Finnigan this instant, both of you will have a two hour dentention!!"
I felt like crying. I turned my head and saw Semus and Hermione blushing, turning their heads guiltily back to their work. Then I realised my mistake. Because of some conspiracy concocted by Dumbledore, Semus Finnigan had been sitting beside me for the past month! So it was he Hermione was smiling at, not me. Oh God! How could I have been so blind?! How did I ever manage to convince myself that Hermione might have even slight feelings for me?! Oh, how blind had been my eyes, how weak my conduct!
I cried that night. Cried harder than I ever had in my life. The lonliness, the hurt, the pain, the daily suffering, all poured out in liquid-hot tears that burned my eyes and cheeks. Like an ocean of grief, I drowned myself in them. I lost myself in a storm of conflicting emotions. I felt as a small ship would, at first elation, following a beacon thought to lead safely to shore. Then pain, finding the beacon but a illusion and myslef as lost as ever. A fragile wreck in a storm of emotions.
It's offical. I have to die. How could I have been so blind?! My love for Hermione blinded me to all else. But reality tends to wake you up at the worst times. Just when I believed she was starting to care for me, reality had to slap me across the face.
I guess your wonder what the hell I'm rambling on about. Well, I'll tell you. Lately Hermione has been sending small smiles my way. I was beginning to think she maybe liked me too. But today in Potions, I had a rude awakening.
Hermione had just sent another one of her shy smiles my way. She turned her head again and looked at me. Or so I thought. I was in the process of getting lost in those pure chocolate depths when Prof. Snape's voice broke my world.
"Hermione Granger, if you do not dissit staring at Mr. Finnigan this instant, both of you will have a two hour dentention!!"
I felt like crying. I turned my head and saw Semus and Hermione blushing, turning their heads guiltily back to their work. Then I realised my mistake. Because of some conspiracy concocted by Dumbledore, Semus Finnigan had been sitting beside me for the past month! So it was he Hermione was smiling at, not me. Oh God! How could I have been so blind?! How did I ever manage to convince myself that Hermione might have even slight feelings for me?! Oh, how blind had been my eyes, how weak my conduct!
I cried that night. Cried harder than I ever had in my life. The lonliness, the hurt, the pain, the daily suffering, all poured out in liquid-hot tears that burned my eyes and cheeks. Like an ocean of grief, I drowned myself in them. I lost myself in a storm of conflicting emotions. I felt as a small ship would, at first elation, following a beacon thought to lead safely to shore. Then pain, finding the beacon but a illusion and myslef as lost as ever. A fragile wreck in a storm of emotions.