Chapter 4: I Embraced The Pain.....
I did it. The thing I swore never to do. It didn't even hurt like I thought it would. More of a dull ache than a sharp slap. I suppose I should have used a knife but I was feeling destructive. I get asked about it a lot but I tell them the truth. Sort of. I tell them a mirror broke. It's sort of true. But the truth is I broke the moirror and used a shard to carve sharp lines in the back of my hand. I thought about carving her name but that would have been too conspicuous.
It made the pain go away for awhile. I had something to focuse on rather than the painful longing in my soul. I made three small cuts on my wrist, with, of course, no intent to kill my self but more of a lust for pain. But the third one bled more than expected. I panicked and stopped. So far no one has noticed the ones on my wrist or wondered how I got cuts on the BACK of my hand from a mirror. It doesn't matter. The less questions they ask, the less lies I have to get tangled up in.
Hermione was among those that asked me how it happened. I told her what I told everyone. I think she was a little skeptical but it could have been my imagination. The funny thing was, she said, "This one looks painful. You should use a medi-spell." and ran her finger down the deepest of the cuts. Her touch was ice and fire. It burnt my skin but soothed it at the same time. It was all very confusing. She looked at me with such genuine concern in her eyes............
What am I letting myself think?! She couldn't possibly feel sorry for me! She hates me. The way she looks at me sometimes. If looks could kill, I'd have been dead and buried long ago. Her looks do kill me. With each glare, a tiny piece of my heart breaks untill one day it will all crumble into ashes and blow away. She must hate me. I'm sure she does............
I did it. The thing I swore never to do. It didn't even hurt like I thought it would. More of a dull ache than a sharp slap. I suppose I should have used a knife but I was feeling destructive. I get asked about it a lot but I tell them the truth. Sort of. I tell them a mirror broke. It's sort of true. But the truth is I broke the moirror and used a shard to carve sharp lines in the back of my hand. I thought about carving her name but that would have been too conspicuous.
It made the pain go away for awhile. I had something to focuse on rather than the painful longing in my soul. I made three small cuts on my wrist, with, of course, no intent to kill my self but more of a lust for pain. But the third one bled more than expected. I panicked and stopped. So far no one has noticed the ones on my wrist or wondered how I got cuts on the BACK of my hand from a mirror. It doesn't matter. The less questions they ask, the less lies I have to get tangled up in.
Hermione was among those that asked me how it happened. I told her what I told everyone. I think she was a little skeptical but it could have been my imagination. The funny thing was, she said, "This one looks painful. You should use a medi-spell." and ran her finger down the deepest of the cuts. Her touch was ice and fire. It burnt my skin but soothed it at the same time. It was all very confusing. She looked at me with such genuine concern in her eyes............
What am I letting myself think?! She couldn't possibly feel sorry for me! She hates me. The way she looks at me sometimes. If looks could kill, I'd have been dead and buried long ago. Her looks do kill me. With each glare, a tiny piece of my heart breaks untill one day it will all crumble into ashes and blow away. She must hate me. I'm sure she does............