"Things we never said"

By Chiisana Anisa

Chapter 1:

"We meet at last"

Long time passed by since he saw her last time. Every single day he regretted his decision to leave them all and go get himself a whole new life. He did have it, in a way. After first five years he settled down and married. His wife Mirosa, is a beautiful woman. She has all the right qualities,: she is smart, funny, good-hearted, nice, simple - in one word - everything.

But it just wasn't meant to be. They divorced after only two years of marriage. Only one thing he did NOT regret - they didn't have any children. So, now he didn't have to worry when he is going to see them next time. In a way he was glad about it, but his wish to be a father was growing more and more every day.

Although, he knew there's never, EVER, going to be that woman for him *AGAIN*. He left her, never mind how many times he told himself: "I didn't leave her, I LET her go." Oh, yeah - it was simpler if you put it that way. Right? Not so long ago he found out he was wrong. Wrapped in his own thoughts he almost didn't notice someone bumping into him.

He turned around and seeing dark black, almost blue hair, his heart jumped in the race. But seeing the person's face, he just nodded away. 'Calm down you idiot, it wasn't her!' Oh, how he wished it was! His mind took him back to that day when he saw her for the last time. . .

*Flashback*

She was looking at him, packing his stuff with a look of determination on his face. "You're leaving, aren't you?" She stood still waiting for his answer.

His hands stopped in mid-air upon hearing her voice speaking to him. TO HIM. Her voice ... mm-m ... it could do miracles to him. And her smile ... He's not even going to think about it, not now. He turned around to face her and found an anguish look on her face. 'What is she afraid of? Of me leaving . . . no. No way, no how!'

"What does it look like? I'm not packing myself just for the fun of it, you know? Of course I'm leaving."

His words stabbed hard, and deep. Why is he so mean . . . not that he isn't normaly . . . But, now his words didn't sound just mean - they were cold and... so... harsh. 'Did I hurt you so much? Was it me in the first place?' She didn't knew the answers and she was even more afraid of asking. Afraid of his reaction.

He was studying her face, and the pallet of emotions that were playing same sort of dance effected him deeply. Why now? Why did it have to happen now, when he was assure everything turned out all right? There will always be new questions . . . So, he unlocked his gaze from her, continuing to pack. He did it without care, and it was obvious that her presence in the room was only making him nervous.

She noticed his moves, he was doing it all automatically. Well, after all he was good at that; with all the training he did in the past and moving around. But, in a way she could judge that by his urge to move, to go . . . to leave . . .

"Why is that? What did I do, what happened that made you leave? And why NOW?"

"You're kidding me, right? You honestly don't know? Well, let me tell you few things."

He stood up in his full height over-hovering her for a head. His arm strictly placed on his hips and his glare piercing trough her. 'How is it that she can't see the obvious?' He sighed searching for the words.

"I thought you noticed all the things happening. Weird people on the street always saying to us "You won't make it", or everyone else butting themself in our way. I can't deal with it anymore. I ought to ask you to come with me, but now ... come to think about it . . . All of that will come for us again, because as long as we are together it *will never* stop."

She looked at him in unison. Of course she noticed that! But for her nothing was more important then being with him. His closeness, his smell, his touch, his protection . . . even his careness for her. Those were the things that mattered to her, not some old and crazy people from the streets. Her anger raised up upon hearing this. How could he give up? HE of all the people she knew?

"I did notice." Her fists curled up in balls, and inside she fought to calm down her anger. She didn't want to blow up, not now.

"Then . . . how come you can't see how much it bothers me?" His eyes settled on her petite form as he noticed her hands shaking. He instantly knew she was more then angry, and that she was trying to hide it from him.

Still, shock and surprise floated trough her veins. "Because I didn't think something like that would ever bother you." Anger in her seemed to be disappearing, but now . . . desperation came in it's place.

"I never knew it bothered you. You'd always wave your hand away and pretend that it didn't happen. You even told *me* not to make a fuss about it, remember?"

"Maybe. But I was to stupid to notice it wouldn't go away as long as I'm here." 'With you' he ended in his mind not wanting to say it outloud.

He was trying to protect her from suffering. He didn't want her to blame herself. He was the one to blame, as ever. Now, deep care reflected his eyes and spreaded on his forms. Leaning his head slightly on the right, he looked at her aware he is seeing her for the last time.

It was sunrise and the first rays of light peeped in the room, making her hair shine like pure gold and erasing the true colour of her hair. Reflection of the Sun in her eyes made her look almost unreal. And yet, there she was standing right in front of him, pleading him not to go.

She waited for him to speak, when a loving smile settled on his face. He cracked his head on one side looking at her and it made her nervous. He smiled. For what in the word was he smiling?! Then, a thought crossed her mind . . . maybe . . . maybe he was going to stay? No. He wouldn't be smiling so heavenly at her if he was staying. She threw him back one of her own special smiles which could be seen only in rare occasions, like this.

He saw her smiling back, and that moment he knew just *how much* is he going to miss her. 'That much. That much that I'm willing to give up everything and stay with her no matter what.' But the other part of his mind assured him that would be wrong thing to do. It would only hurt her more.

She could feel desperation floating trough her veins. Knowing that it doesn't stand a chance, she looked away from him for a moment. "I understand. It's just that... " She wasn't able to carry on, word stuck in her throat, not wanting to come out. Tears were forming in her eyes threating to fall over. She battled with them not to.

He put his shirt, the last one, in the bag and zipped it. Hearing her speak again he lifted his face to look at her. She was fighting with tears, that much was for sure. He took few steps towards her closing the void between them. Still not moving his eyes from her form his hand grabbed the back of the bed.

"What is it?"

The question hung in the air. It made her shift from one leg to another before answering. "Things aren't what they used to be." She dropped her head down looking at his red, famous shirt, her favourite, and his chest rising up and down as he breathed in and out.

He took one more step closing in the gap between. "You can say that again." His hand held her chin, ever so gently, lifting it up forcing her to look at him.

She stood there, watching at his grey-blue eyes. She was surprised she found not regret but deep passion in them. One tear rolled over and down her cheek, but feeling his warm fingers moving up she knew that special, traitorous tear would *never* fall all the way down.

Emotions roaming trough her heart, her mind in a puzzle, she tried to speak. But instead of words only gasp of air came out, the one she has been holding in from the moment he caressed her cheek. She tried again and now she could withness the words coming out of her mouth. "Don't... please... don't..." But, hearing them, they didn't make any sense, so she closed her lips in a try to stop them.

He sighed deeply and looked at her with so much compassion. He didn't know he made a mistake that very moment. "What? Go? you know I can't stay." His voice flew around her head before she actually heard the words.

Suddenly, her face snatched away from his hand, and her legs took a step backwards. Looking at him like she've seen a ghost, with her arms hanging beside her hips in no motion. Then, one of her hands raised up as she pressed it to her lips, next moment only to quickly lean it on his. She turned away, in a desperate try not to look at him again. Luckily for her the doors were already open, and all she had to do was to walk trough them.

"Wait.." - he pleaded her, yet he knew she wouldn't stop.

Surprised by her actions he wasn't able to move from the spot on which he was standing. He could only hear one word, that escaped her lips, so weak and spoken in a so soft way.

"Goodbye..."

He touched his lips, searching them, not even knowing why. The sound of steps running down the hall and down the stairs came back to him, made him aware he was now alone in the room. He picked up his bag, and walked out closing the doors behind him, this time - forever. At that point of time Sun was way up in the sky, telling him that new day is ready to start. . .

*End of flashback*

Remembering all of that again only made him curse the life and everything life seems to bring with it. He was angry. Angry on himself for being such a fool and letting all of that to happen. To her . . . to him. He got up of his bed and grabbed a jacket before leaving his apartment. On his way down few neighbours greeted him, but he didn't notice them, for his mind was somewhere else.

He stepped out of the building and started walking down the street. He was five years in Tokyo now. Wondering were to go or what to do, to take his mind of those painful memories, he looked up in the sky. It was clear, without clouds. 'This is going to be one hell of a New Year - without snow.' he thought to himself. On special Christmas memory crossed his mind and small smile appeared on his face.

His foot stopped frozen when his gaze settled on one person. He saw her only from behind and recognised her immediately. Breaking out of it, he started walking until he was just ahead of her, then turned round, wondering whether to smile. It didn't seem like teen years. She didn't see him at first. She was looking in a shop window. Lightly he touched the sleeve of her jacket making her to turn around and face him.

" Hello, Akane. "

TBC

Love,

Chiisana Anisa