Part V: The mansion, same time…
Aw, come on, girls, where's your sense of adventure?" Bobby Drake demanded. "There's no way we'd get caught, and the bartender doesn't even check ID's! It'd be cool!"
"Forget it!" Kitty Pryde snapped, shaking her head in unison with Rogue and Jubilee. "Mr. Summers and the other teachers could be back anytime, and we're all dead meat if they catch us sneaking out! I'm not risking it just to chug a little beer."
"What could possibly happen?" John Allerdyce argued. "They never go out at night unless they're on a mission, and they usually don't come back from missions until the next morning! We'd be home long before anyone missed us or Professor Xavier even woke up!"
"Maybe, but Kitty's right," Rogue said firmly. "They're probably doing something important, and Lord knows they have enough to worry about on their missions without us sneaking out to get drunk and maybe get arrested for drinking underage!"
"Have it your way," John replied and he and Bobby left. "What a bunch of party poopers. There's no way anyone could find out!"
"Well, they are right about the X-men having enough to worry about," Bobby said seriously.
John stared at him, then realized his friend was joking. "Yeah, so we'd better make sure we don't get caught and add to their troubles, eh?" They both laughed and headed off down the road.
***
Lily Page's Tavern, just a few minutes later…
"Okay, now, you've got solids, Cyke. You point your stick at the cue ball…the other end!" Logan exclaimed, waving his hand vigorously at Scott to reverse his cue.
"Oh." Scott blinked rapidly and tried to concentrate on pointing the very blurry end of the stick at the equally fuzzy white ball.
"Now…hid it!" Logan tossed down his drink and went to get another.
Scott tried to hit the ball and missed completely, but he knocked the eight ball right into the pocket. Storm let out a whoop of laughter and thumped Jean rather hard on the back, "I think tha's called an itch."
"Scratch, Storm, it's a scratch!" Logan corrected, coming back with yet another full glass. "Jeez, Cyke, as yer pal J.J. Sharpe would say, 'you suck!'"
"I'd like to see you shoot better, mishter, since you probably can' see any straighter than me ride now!" Scott snapped, waving him towards the table.
"Stand back an' let the Mashta show ya how it's done!" Logan took aim and neatly struck one of the balls into the pocket (they were all so drunk that no one noticed that it was a solid and he was supposed to hit stripes.) "There ya go, brainiac, led's see ya top that shot!"
Storm looked thoughtfully at Jean as Scott furiously prepared to shoot again, "Ya know, Logan reminds me of that song, 'American Badass!'"
As Jean began giggling again, Logan looked up and shook his cue at her, "That's Canadian badass to you, schweetheart!" He reached down and picked up the cue ball while Scott set the table up for another game.
"More like Canadian dumbass," Scott retorted.
Logan spun wildly around and shook his cue at Scott, "Hey, bub, I may not be able to shoot death rays from my eyes, but I've gotta really big stick!"
"And the balls to go with it!" Storm declared.
That sent all of them into howls of hysterical laughter, and Scott tried again to hit the cue ball, but instead he sort of slid down onto the edge of the pool table, "Oh, did I fall down?"
"No, ya just sorta ssslumped," Jean replied.
"Oh, thad's okay then," Cyclops' alcohol-slurred answer set Storm guffawing and she fell onto the pool table, which set all the rest of them off again.
At that same moment, Bobby Drake and John Allerdyce were walking into Lily Page's Tavern. The place was fairly empty, except for an especially noisy group of drunks over at one of the pool tables, but that was to be expected. Lily looked surprised to see them as they headed up to the bar, "Evenin' boys? What're you doing here?"
"We just want a couple of beers this time," Bobby said, grinning. "We're not planning on passing out or throwing up tonight, I promise." John nodded eagerly.
Lily chuckled, "Well that's more than I can say about your instructors over there. If they were your age they'd all be dead!"
"Huh?" John said in confusion, "What instructors?"
Lily motioned to the pool table as the players exploded into loud, hysterical laughter. John looked at her blankly, but Bobby turned around. "Oh my…oh my g--oh SHIT!"
John whirled around and followed his friend's petrified gaze. There around the pool table stood Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Ororo Monroe, and Logan, all laughing crazily as Jean tried unsuccessfully to strike a cue ball. Having been students at Professor Xavier's school for some time, the thought that they might be drunk never crossed either boy's mind. "Oh my God," John hissed. "Oh my God, we're dead, we're screwed, oh shit, we've gotta get out of here." He grabbed the immobilized Bobby by the arm, "Come ON, dammit!"
Bobby and John made a mad dash for the exit. They were almost to the front door when a voice from the pool table exclaimed, "HEY!!! Hold it right there!"
Both boys froze in their tracks. Footsteps came up behind them, and they slowly turned to see Scott Summers glaring down at them. He folded his arms, "Just what the hell are you two doing in here?"
"Uh…." they exchanged glances, thinking, *how the hell do we get out of this? Oh shit, we're dead men!*
Mr. Summers stood in front of them like a god of destruction, "You came in here to drink?"
"Uh…we were just…" Bobby and John exchanged petrified glances, "Experimenting!" John blurted out, and Bobby jabbed him in the ribs.
Scott unfolded his arms and pointed at them, "Okay you two. Let's get something straight here an' now. You are underage." He paused and both boys nodded in terror, "You are waaay too young to be drinking." He paused again and they nodded again, "You canna' drink 'till yer twenty-one and I don' even hafta MENTION the fact tha' yer underage!" Bobby and John glanced at each other in confusion but snapped to attention when Scott raised a finger to start speaking again, "Finally, lemme make one thing exterreeemelly clear…" he paused again, and his brow furrowed as though he was trying to remember what he was about to say, "So let me make one thing very very clear—"
Storm slammed an arm around Scott's shoulders and pointed at the boys with a broad drunken grin, "He's sloshed, and I'm completely toasted!"
"Excuuuse me, I'm trying to make a ploint here!" Scott exclaimed, shoving Storm's arm off his shoulders. She fell backwards into Logan's arms. Bobby and John were staring at their teachers in utter disbelief when Scott turned back to face them. "Go home. Go home right now. And don't ever come back in here again because you're underage. Now go home!"
"Y-yessir!" John blurted, and he and Bobby all but sprinted out the entrance.
Bobby paused at the door in time to see Jean proudly patting her fiancé on the shoulders, almost knocking off his sunglasses, "Scott, that was a show of author'ty if I ever saw one! Ya still got it, babe! Even when you're as schnockered as we are!"
Storm started shrieking with laughter and fell back into Logan's arms again, "I always knew ya'd fall for me eventually, schweetheart! Trouble is I had to getcha derrunk first!" he said, pulling her upright.
"Come ON!!!" John squeaked, grabbing Bobby's arm and yanking him into the parking lot, "Oh my God, we're so dead when they get to us tomorrow morning."
"If they remember!" Bobby murmured in astonishment.
***
Still at Lily's Tavern…
Ororo was still laughing but Scott reached past her to point his finger in Logan's face, "Now look here, I don't wan' you taking advantage of Storm while she's….like that."
Storm shoved herself out of Wolverine's arms and managed to stand up reasonably straight, "Lllike wwwhat?"
"Wha' you said, sssloshed and toasted!" Scott replied.
"Hey, isn't that a quote from a play?" Jean asked, stumbling over with another beer for Scott.
"Uh, yeah, I think it's 'Tumors' by Neil Diamond," Scott replied, taking a swig.
"That's 'Rumors' by Neil Simon, ssstupid!" Logan corrected him.
"Whatever—hey! How the hell didja know that?"
"Id was on yer bookshelf! With all yer other boooring books!"
Scott gripped the edge of his glasses threateningly, "Watch it, blub, or I mide hafta take these things off!"
"Now, waid a mimute, we don' wanna see thad!" Storm exclaimed, mock-covering her eyes. "Save it for Jean!"
Scott sputtered for a moment while Logan burst out laughing again. Then he said in a surprisingly stern voice for someone so completely intoxicated, "Ya wanna know somethin', Storm? Well, I'll tell ya anyway. Yer really, really sick when yer drunk." He stumbled off towards the bathroom.
"Huh? Thanks." Storm mumbled, plunking down onto one of the stools. "Hey, Lily, gimme another beer!"
"You kids are runnin' up quite a bill tonight," Lily warned, handing Storm another long neck, "By the way, who's planning on paying for all these?"
Jean sat heavily on another stool, "Just put it on my tab!" she said, banging her hand on the bar. She stared at it, "Ow."
Lily blinked, "Honey…you don't have a tab!"
"I don't? Well…all the more reason to pud it there!" She giggled and then added, "Scott's payin'." She and Storm were giggling like preteens when Scott came back, "Guess what, Scott-clops, you're paying for us."
Scott leaned (or flopped) onto the bar and demanded, "And just hhhow may I ashk, did I get blesshed with this under…honder…honor!" He hopped onto a stool, missed the first time, but managed on his second try.
"Just lucky I guess," Logan said.
"Yeah, we drew straws," Storm told him, then she paused thoughtfully and explained, "But you weren'd here so you didn' draw too well."
"I guess that makes sense," Scott replied. He fumbled for his wallet, "Ya know, I think I've got one of the Proseffor's cwedit cards in here somewhere!"
"Cwedit? Ya scwewy wabbit!" Jean shrieked and all four of them fell off their stools, laughing.
Lily handed Storm yet another beer, but asked gravely, "You planning on calling it quits sometime along here? Otherwise you'll still be drunk tomorrow morning."
Storm managed with great effort to get the bottle open, "Tomorrow? Hell, we'll still be drunk into next WEEK!" She accidentally slammed her bottle against the edge of the bar, shattering it in her hand, "Oh my God, I'm bleedig!" She exclaimed, staring at the tiny cut on the edge of her hand.
Scott stumbled over and stared at her hand, "Oh come on, you're not gonna exsanguinate."
Logan looked disgusted, "Oh my God, you did NOT just use that word in a sentence. Somebody kill me now!"
"I thought you'd never ask!" Scott replied.
"Ya wanna start somethin', bub?" Logan demanded.
Jean shoved between them and pushed both drunk combatants apart "Hey, you two—"
Storm stared at them thoughtfully, "You two need to kiss!" she declared loudly.
Scott, Logan, Jean, and Lily stared at her in astonishment. "Wha'?" Scott exclaimed.
Ororo motioned jerkily at Scott and Jean, "You two are engraged and I have neber eber seen you kiss her! You need to kiss her ride now!"
Logan stumbled over to the bar, "Gimme another! My God, for a second I thought she meant…I cannod even say it!"
Scott was pointing at Storm again, "You reeeally need to quit now, Storm, you are sleriousy getting waaaay too intosicated—"
"Kiss her, you big wwwuss!"
"I am not going to—"
"—Why the hell not?" Jean grabbed Scott by the collar of his shirt and yanked him towards her. Unfortunately, neither of them had enough balance to stay upright. They collided forehead to forehead and crashed to the ground in a tangled heap.
"Oow! That musta hurt! Are you two okay?" Storm stared at the motionless (and blurry) figures lying on the barroom floor. When there was no response she slowly stumbled off her stool and bent over them, "Hey! You guys awake?" She poked one of them (she was too drunk to tell which) and stood up, blinking at Logan, "Are they dead?" she slurred.
Logan brushed past her, almost knocking her over, and poked them both solemnly. He slowly straightened up. "I believe, it is my opinnion, that those two are both…dead."
Storm gaped at him in dismay before exclaiming, "Oh thad's so sad! Oh my God, what're we gonna tell the professor—"
"I meant dead drunk, 'Roro! Those two are as passed out as…as…two passed out lovebirds can be," He nodded and tossed down another bourbon. "See there?" he exclaimed, jumping onto a stool in delight, "I knnnew I'd make it before Cyke!"
Storm tugged his sleeve and scolded, "Ya know, tha's nod verry fair." Then she giggled again, "But I wanted to beat 'em too so whad the hell do I care?"
"Good way to look ad it!" Logan agreed, "Now how the hell do we ged 'em outta here?"
"Goood question." Storm thought for a moment, "Cab. And he can pay." She added, pointing to Scott's inert form.
Aw, come on, girls, where's your sense of adventure?" Bobby Drake demanded. "There's no way we'd get caught, and the bartender doesn't even check ID's! It'd be cool!"
"Forget it!" Kitty Pryde snapped, shaking her head in unison with Rogue and Jubilee. "Mr. Summers and the other teachers could be back anytime, and we're all dead meat if they catch us sneaking out! I'm not risking it just to chug a little beer."
"What could possibly happen?" John Allerdyce argued. "They never go out at night unless they're on a mission, and they usually don't come back from missions until the next morning! We'd be home long before anyone missed us or Professor Xavier even woke up!"
"Maybe, but Kitty's right," Rogue said firmly. "They're probably doing something important, and Lord knows they have enough to worry about on their missions without us sneaking out to get drunk and maybe get arrested for drinking underage!"
"Have it your way," John replied and he and Bobby left. "What a bunch of party poopers. There's no way anyone could find out!"
"Well, they are right about the X-men having enough to worry about," Bobby said seriously.
John stared at him, then realized his friend was joking. "Yeah, so we'd better make sure we don't get caught and add to their troubles, eh?" They both laughed and headed off down the road.
***
Lily Page's Tavern, just a few minutes later…
"Okay, now, you've got solids, Cyke. You point your stick at the cue ball…the other end!" Logan exclaimed, waving his hand vigorously at Scott to reverse his cue.
"Oh." Scott blinked rapidly and tried to concentrate on pointing the very blurry end of the stick at the equally fuzzy white ball.
"Now…hid it!" Logan tossed down his drink and went to get another.
Scott tried to hit the ball and missed completely, but he knocked the eight ball right into the pocket. Storm let out a whoop of laughter and thumped Jean rather hard on the back, "I think tha's called an itch."
"Scratch, Storm, it's a scratch!" Logan corrected, coming back with yet another full glass. "Jeez, Cyke, as yer pal J.J. Sharpe would say, 'you suck!'"
"I'd like to see you shoot better, mishter, since you probably can' see any straighter than me ride now!" Scott snapped, waving him towards the table.
"Stand back an' let the Mashta show ya how it's done!" Logan took aim and neatly struck one of the balls into the pocket (they were all so drunk that no one noticed that it was a solid and he was supposed to hit stripes.) "There ya go, brainiac, led's see ya top that shot!"
Storm looked thoughtfully at Jean as Scott furiously prepared to shoot again, "Ya know, Logan reminds me of that song, 'American Badass!'"
As Jean began giggling again, Logan looked up and shook his cue at her, "That's Canadian badass to you, schweetheart!" He reached down and picked up the cue ball while Scott set the table up for another game.
"More like Canadian dumbass," Scott retorted.
Logan spun wildly around and shook his cue at Scott, "Hey, bub, I may not be able to shoot death rays from my eyes, but I've gotta really big stick!"
"And the balls to go with it!" Storm declared.
That sent all of them into howls of hysterical laughter, and Scott tried again to hit the cue ball, but instead he sort of slid down onto the edge of the pool table, "Oh, did I fall down?"
"No, ya just sorta ssslumped," Jean replied.
"Oh, thad's okay then," Cyclops' alcohol-slurred answer set Storm guffawing and she fell onto the pool table, which set all the rest of them off again.
At that same moment, Bobby Drake and John Allerdyce were walking into Lily Page's Tavern. The place was fairly empty, except for an especially noisy group of drunks over at one of the pool tables, but that was to be expected. Lily looked surprised to see them as they headed up to the bar, "Evenin' boys? What're you doing here?"
"We just want a couple of beers this time," Bobby said, grinning. "We're not planning on passing out or throwing up tonight, I promise." John nodded eagerly.
Lily chuckled, "Well that's more than I can say about your instructors over there. If they were your age they'd all be dead!"
"Huh?" John said in confusion, "What instructors?"
Lily motioned to the pool table as the players exploded into loud, hysterical laughter. John looked at her blankly, but Bobby turned around. "Oh my…oh my g--oh SHIT!"
John whirled around and followed his friend's petrified gaze. There around the pool table stood Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Ororo Monroe, and Logan, all laughing crazily as Jean tried unsuccessfully to strike a cue ball. Having been students at Professor Xavier's school for some time, the thought that they might be drunk never crossed either boy's mind. "Oh my God," John hissed. "Oh my God, we're dead, we're screwed, oh shit, we've gotta get out of here." He grabbed the immobilized Bobby by the arm, "Come ON, dammit!"
Bobby and John made a mad dash for the exit. They were almost to the front door when a voice from the pool table exclaimed, "HEY!!! Hold it right there!"
Both boys froze in their tracks. Footsteps came up behind them, and they slowly turned to see Scott Summers glaring down at them. He folded his arms, "Just what the hell are you two doing in here?"
"Uh…." they exchanged glances, thinking, *how the hell do we get out of this? Oh shit, we're dead men!*
Mr. Summers stood in front of them like a god of destruction, "You came in here to drink?"
"Uh…we were just…" Bobby and John exchanged petrified glances, "Experimenting!" John blurted out, and Bobby jabbed him in the ribs.
Scott unfolded his arms and pointed at them, "Okay you two. Let's get something straight here an' now. You are underage." He paused and both boys nodded in terror, "You are waaay too young to be drinking." He paused again and they nodded again, "You canna' drink 'till yer twenty-one and I don' even hafta MENTION the fact tha' yer underage!" Bobby and John glanced at each other in confusion but snapped to attention when Scott raised a finger to start speaking again, "Finally, lemme make one thing exterreeemelly clear…" he paused again, and his brow furrowed as though he was trying to remember what he was about to say, "So let me make one thing very very clear—"
Storm slammed an arm around Scott's shoulders and pointed at the boys with a broad drunken grin, "He's sloshed, and I'm completely toasted!"
"Excuuuse me, I'm trying to make a ploint here!" Scott exclaimed, shoving Storm's arm off his shoulders. She fell backwards into Logan's arms. Bobby and John were staring at their teachers in utter disbelief when Scott turned back to face them. "Go home. Go home right now. And don't ever come back in here again because you're underage. Now go home!"
"Y-yessir!" John blurted, and he and Bobby all but sprinted out the entrance.
Bobby paused at the door in time to see Jean proudly patting her fiancé on the shoulders, almost knocking off his sunglasses, "Scott, that was a show of author'ty if I ever saw one! Ya still got it, babe! Even when you're as schnockered as we are!"
Storm started shrieking with laughter and fell back into Logan's arms again, "I always knew ya'd fall for me eventually, schweetheart! Trouble is I had to getcha derrunk first!" he said, pulling her upright.
"Come ON!!!" John squeaked, grabbing Bobby's arm and yanking him into the parking lot, "Oh my God, we're so dead when they get to us tomorrow morning."
"If they remember!" Bobby murmured in astonishment.
***
Still at Lily's Tavern…
Ororo was still laughing but Scott reached past her to point his finger in Logan's face, "Now look here, I don't wan' you taking advantage of Storm while she's….like that."
Storm shoved herself out of Wolverine's arms and managed to stand up reasonably straight, "Lllike wwwhat?"
"Wha' you said, sssloshed and toasted!" Scott replied.
"Hey, isn't that a quote from a play?" Jean asked, stumbling over with another beer for Scott.
"Uh, yeah, I think it's 'Tumors' by Neil Diamond," Scott replied, taking a swig.
"That's 'Rumors' by Neil Simon, ssstupid!" Logan corrected him.
"Whatever—hey! How the hell didja know that?"
"Id was on yer bookshelf! With all yer other boooring books!"
Scott gripped the edge of his glasses threateningly, "Watch it, blub, or I mide hafta take these things off!"
"Now, waid a mimute, we don' wanna see thad!" Storm exclaimed, mock-covering her eyes. "Save it for Jean!"
Scott sputtered for a moment while Logan burst out laughing again. Then he said in a surprisingly stern voice for someone so completely intoxicated, "Ya wanna know somethin', Storm? Well, I'll tell ya anyway. Yer really, really sick when yer drunk." He stumbled off towards the bathroom.
"Huh? Thanks." Storm mumbled, plunking down onto one of the stools. "Hey, Lily, gimme another beer!"
"You kids are runnin' up quite a bill tonight," Lily warned, handing Storm another long neck, "By the way, who's planning on paying for all these?"
Jean sat heavily on another stool, "Just put it on my tab!" she said, banging her hand on the bar. She stared at it, "Ow."
Lily blinked, "Honey…you don't have a tab!"
"I don't? Well…all the more reason to pud it there!" She giggled and then added, "Scott's payin'." She and Storm were giggling like preteens when Scott came back, "Guess what, Scott-clops, you're paying for us."
Scott leaned (or flopped) onto the bar and demanded, "And just hhhow may I ashk, did I get blesshed with this under…honder…honor!" He hopped onto a stool, missed the first time, but managed on his second try.
"Just lucky I guess," Logan said.
"Yeah, we drew straws," Storm told him, then she paused thoughtfully and explained, "But you weren'd here so you didn' draw too well."
"I guess that makes sense," Scott replied. He fumbled for his wallet, "Ya know, I think I've got one of the Proseffor's cwedit cards in here somewhere!"
"Cwedit? Ya scwewy wabbit!" Jean shrieked and all four of them fell off their stools, laughing.
Lily handed Storm yet another beer, but asked gravely, "You planning on calling it quits sometime along here? Otherwise you'll still be drunk tomorrow morning."
Storm managed with great effort to get the bottle open, "Tomorrow? Hell, we'll still be drunk into next WEEK!" She accidentally slammed her bottle against the edge of the bar, shattering it in her hand, "Oh my God, I'm bleedig!" She exclaimed, staring at the tiny cut on the edge of her hand.
Scott stumbled over and stared at her hand, "Oh come on, you're not gonna exsanguinate."
Logan looked disgusted, "Oh my God, you did NOT just use that word in a sentence. Somebody kill me now!"
"I thought you'd never ask!" Scott replied.
"Ya wanna start somethin', bub?" Logan demanded.
Jean shoved between them and pushed both drunk combatants apart "Hey, you two—"
Storm stared at them thoughtfully, "You two need to kiss!" she declared loudly.
Scott, Logan, Jean, and Lily stared at her in astonishment. "Wha'?" Scott exclaimed.
Ororo motioned jerkily at Scott and Jean, "You two are engraged and I have neber eber seen you kiss her! You need to kiss her ride now!"
Logan stumbled over to the bar, "Gimme another! My God, for a second I thought she meant…I cannod even say it!"
Scott was pointing at Storm again, "You reeeally need to quit now, Storm, you are sleriousy getting waaaay too intosicated—"
"Kiss her, you big wwwuss!"
"I am not going to—"
"—Why the hell not?" Jean grabbed Scott by the collar of his shirt and yanked him towards her. Unfortunately, neither of them had enough balance to stay upright. They collided forehead to forehead and crashed to the ground in a tangled heap.
"Oow! That musta hurt! Are you two okay?" Storm stared at the motionless (and blurry) figures lying on the barroom floor. When there was no response she slowly stumbled off her stool and bent over them, "Hey! You guys awake?" She poked one of them (she was too drunk to tell which) and stood up, blinking at Logan, "Are they dead?" she slurred.
Logan brushed past her, almost knocking her over, and poked them both solemnly. He slowly straightened up. "I believe, it is my opinnion, that those two are both…dead."
Storm gaped at him in dismay before exclaiming, "Oh thad's so sad! Oh my God, what're we gonna tell the professor—"
"I meant dead drunk, 'Roro! Those two are as passed out as…as…two passed out lovebirds can be," He nodded and tossed down another bourbon. "See there?" he exclaimed, jumping onto a stool in delight, "I knnnew I'd make it before Cyke!"
Storm tugged his sleeve and scolded, "Ya know, tha's nod verry fair." Then she giggled again, "But I wanted to beat 'em too so whad the hell do I care?"
"Good way to look ad it!" Logan agreed, "Now how the hell do we ged 'em outta here?"
"Goood question." Storm thought for a moment, "Cab. And he can pay." She added, pointing to Scott's inert form.