SpaceBar Adventures II: Questions and ... More Questions
A fanfic by James Evangelista (jemu99@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters appearing in these scenes, with the exceptions of Bartender and Evang. All other characters belong to their respective owners. There I've said it. So don't go suing me, eh?
#A 5-6 is a loansharking term. It means if you borrow $500 from me, I'd expect you to return $600 to me unless you want to face a goon squad or get hexed.
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5...4...3...2...1...Poof!
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[SCENE: the SpaceBar Main Lounge. A raised platform, which would usually hold a live performer or five, is currently occupied by two men and a pair of microphones. In one booth sits Akito Tenkawa, with Yurika in his lap. In another, keeping a mug of beer company, is Shinji Ikari. A reconstruction-droid is taking measurements of the circular hole in the bar.]
Bartender: Welcome back to the Spacebar. This is our second episode, the questions episode. Me and my companion, the telekinetic Force(tm)-sensitive psycopath Evang -
Evang: Hello! (flashes two V's, one on each hand)
Bartender:(looks sideways at his companion, then back to the audience) Will be here to answer any questions you might have.
Evang: Question, Bartender-san!
Bartender: Huh?
Evang: What's your first name?
Bartender: Why do you ask?
Evang: Because the author has been complaining about having to type out such a long word for your lines.
[Everybody laughs out loud at this.]
Bartender: Okay, to answer that, my first name is Jemu. Henceforth all lines referring to or said by Jemu would be taken to refer to the Bartender. Clear?
Readers: Hai!
Jemu: OK! Next Question! Yes, Mr. Ikari?
Shinji: How did I get here? I knew EVAs have some rudimentary jump-jets but they're still land-based, right?
Jemu: You got here via the OAH device, Mr. Ikari.
Shinji: What the hell is an OAH device?
Evang: Let me explain.(opens his mouth when suddenly Ines Fresange jumps in from... somewhere)
Ines: Did somebody say 'explain'? (holds a hand to her forehead and sways slightly) Ooooh, my head...
Jemu: Here. (assists Ines to a nearby booth) Sorry about that. The Chrono-Gap from last episode is just beginning to clear.(Produces a bottle filled with clear liquid and a glass, which he fills halfway)
This might help. Slowly, though.(hands the glass to Ines)
Ines: Arigato. (takes a sip) Hey, not bad. What is it?
Jemu: House special. Trade secret, sorry, can't tell. Maybe later after Evang finishes talking.(takes a seat opposite her)
Evang: (clearing his throat) As I was saying, Mr. Ikari, you were brought here by the OAH device. OAH stands for Omnipotent Author Hammerspace. Simply put, because the author wanted you here, you were brought here. (notices a raised hand) Yes, Doctor?
Ines: What is this hammerspace you refer to?
Evang: It is a small bubble of subspace where some people store their equipment. The common users are females, wherein they usually store mallets, bazookas, transformation devices, etc. Males generally store weapons, like handguns, especially when they wear shorts or have nowhere to hide a gun in.
Shinji: (irritated) So I was just here for no reason?
Jemu: Well, I got to use you as the butt of a few jokes, as I did Tenkawa, right? Doesn't that count for something?
Shinji: (glowering) Do you want another beatdown, Bartender-san?(stands up from his seat)
[Evang tenses, as he feels Shinji unfold his AT Field.]
Jemu: (reaching behind him with both hands) I knew I'd have a use for these.(whips out a pair of futuristic looking pistols and aims them at Shinji)
Evang: Hey! Aren't those -
Jemu: (calmly) The positron pistols I bought from the Boombiker for 5-6? You better believe it. (smiles evilly at Shinji) Your move, Shinji-boy.
Shinji: Eep. (resumes his seat)
[Jemu places both hands behind him again. He brings his hands back on the table, empty of pistols.]
Ines: I believe that was a demonstration of hammerspace, Mr. Evang.
Evang: Right you are, Doctor. (Turns to the audience) Anybody else have any questions?
Akito: (pulling his lips free from Yurika's) I do. Got a room here where we can get some privacy?
[Yurika giggles. Everybody else just rolls their eyes.]
Evang: (coughing) Uh, okay. (looks around) We're still working on the expansions, but I believe I can do something for you.
[Evang hops down from the stage. He then reaches down and pulls at a rusted iron ring on the floor {The hell? Where did that come from?}. A section of the floor reveals itself to be a trapdoor. Evang, seemingly satisfied, turns back to Akito.]
Evang: It's not a honeymoon suite, but it has privacy, a bathroom with a tub for two (grins), a Telepathic Hammerspace Refrigerator, and a bed with a feather mattress.
Akito: Awesome. (goes back to his booth, takes Yurika in his arms like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold, and makes his way toward the trapdoor) Uh, won't this close down or something?
Evang: Nahhh. Come out when you two are ready, and the room will disappear. But only then. Also, once you two enter, the handle would vanish, as if it wasn't there in the first place.
Jemu: Sounds like something from Disney Channel.
Evang: So paint me blue and call me a Djinn. (to the Tenkawas) Enjoy yourselves.
Yurika: we will. And thank you!
[Akito carries Yurika down the stairs. Seconds later the floor is whole again.]
Ines: Amazing. That, or I'm getting drunk. (Takes another sip from her glass.)
Shinji: (sounding morose, which is not surprising after witnessing the display earlier) So what am I doing here, really?
Jemu: Just wait. (goes over to the comm port) Hailing the Nadesico. This is the SpaceBar. Please respond.
Ruri: This is Captain Hoshino. Is everything alright?
Jemu: Everything is fine, Captain. I'd like to ask a favor, though.
Ruri: (suddenly wary) A favor?
Jemu: Yes. I'd like to arrange for a cargo transport back to Earth. One large bio-mechanical and its reluctant male pilot.
Ruri: (in a stage whisper) Great. Another baka. (normal tone) Why don't you just send them via hammerspace?
Jemu: How did you know about that? The SpaceBar's disruption system should have scrambled all attempts to intrude in our privacy! Tell me is the system really that pathetic?
Evang: (looking up from playing his harmonica) I told you buying stuff from the Boombiker was stupid.
Ruri: No, the system was okay. It gave me a minute or two of headaches, but fortunately I had help.
Jemu: What do you mean?
Lapis: She means me. Is Akito alright?
[Jemu does a double take as his mind interprets what he sees right now: two Captain Hoshinos? Even in his dumbfounded state, he still took satisfaction in the look of bewilderment on Shinji's and Evang's faces. Ines just smiled.]
Jemu: Two... two... uhh... (starts drooling like an idiot)
Ruri: How rude of me. This (motions to the girl beside her) is Lapis. The resemblance is striking, is it not?
Jemu:...
Evang:...
Shinji:(thiniking to himself) It's nice to know that cloning shit doesn't only happen in my series.
Ruri: (still standing beside Lapis) Hailing the SpaceBar. Anybody alive in there?
Jemu: (snaps out of his trance, wipes the drool off his face) Ah, yes?
Ruri: Baka baka. Why can't you send them back through hammerspace?
Jemu: Oh, that. Well, the Evangelion is too big. (sweatdrops)
Ruri: (sighs) Okay, since you've made Akito and Yurika happy-(turns to Lapis) No, nothing's wrong with you, it's just that the restraining field they used to cancel Boson jumps somehow cut your connection with Akito.
Lapis: Will he be alright? (to Jemu) Where is he right now?
Evang: Well, Yurika and Akito are probably having a "little talk" right now in a private room on board. And don't bother trying to tap in: even I can't detect them using my Awareness 5.
Jemu: 5? I thought you told me you were a 7?
Evang: When I'm drunk. ^_^
Jemu: Right. (turns back to the screen) So Captain, what is your decision? I'll understand if you refuse, though. It's alright with me.
Ruri: Well, since you've gotten Yurika off my back, so to speak, I guess we manage to fit in your pilot and his mech. How big is it anyway?
Jemu: Well, an Aestivalis would reach up to its waist-
Seiya: What! That's insane! No way it's going into the Aesti hangar standing up! The cargo bay, maybe...
Everyone: Uri-P?! What are you doing there?
Ruri: Well, someone has to train the new mechanics, so-
Evang: I see. Think the cargo bay can handle it, lying down?
Seiya: We'll see. Can I come on board to see the thing?
Jemu: Sure. How about a beer?
Seiya: Why not? (grins, then signs out)
Shinji: So that's it? You're sending me back to Tokyo-3? What about your- (Cuts off, before he says 'revenge'.)
Jemu: Revenge? Look, (takes something from his pocket) I want you to give this to your father. Do it, and we'll call it quits. OK?
Shinji: (stares at the hazardous material container) Won't I die if I touch that?
[Evang, meanwhile is refilling Ines' glass, this time nearly to the brim.]
Jemu: If it was fatal, I'd be dead now. So would you.
Shinji: You've got a point there.
Jemu: Catch! (Throws the canister at Shinji.)
[Shinji is startled, but manages to catch it.]
Jemu: Tell your father an old friend from the 1980s Philippines still remembers him. He'll understand.
BOS (Brain Of SpaceBar, the station's computer): Mr Uribatake has reached the hangar area, sir.
Evang: That's good BOS. (to Shinji) Well, show him around your EVA, boy. Run along now.
Shinji: Okay. (stands up and exits the lounge.)
Evang: (whispering) Are you sure it's wise to get Dr. Fresange drunk?
Jemu: (grinning, whispers back) It's all in the plan.
Evang: (whispering) Are you trying to get lucky and score with her?
Jemu: (in an angry whisper) I'm not getting her drunk to score with her, I just need her incapacitated to prevent her from Boson jumping out properly.
Evang: (whispering) To what end?
Jemu: (whispering as well) So that she and another blonde female scientist can have a very interesting talk, probably a techno-babble episode.
Evang: You mean- (glances at the door were Shinji exited.) You wouldn't!
Jemu: Really? {massive foreshadowing, everyone!}
Ines: (in a slurred voice) Hey you two are getting kinda cozy over there? Maybe you need to use that room after Akito and Yurika are finished with it. (giggles)
[Both males sweatdrop.]
Evang: (walking casually toward Ines) She's drunk.
Jemu: Not my fault. I wasn't the one who filled her glass.
Evang: It was your wine. What the hell was in that bottle anyway?
Ines: Yes, you promised to tell me later. It's later now. (giggles again)
Jemu: A native Philippine wine called 'tuba'. It's made from coconut water.
Evang: And the Philippines has a lot of coconuts. ^_^!
[A vid-screen appears. Seiya is on it, with Shinji and a large purple form in the background.]
Seiya: You lying swine! I thought you said an Aesti would reach up to its waist!
Jemu: I did, but you didn't let me finish. I was about to say that an Aestivalis would reach up to its waist, if the Evangelion was curled up in a ball.
Seiya: Bakayaro! (signs out)
Ines: You said you had plans for me, Jemu. Is this true?
Evang: It probably is, but knowing him, it none of those plans are hentai.
Ines: Oh, how disappointing. (hiccups) Oh, excuse me. (hiccups again)
Jemu: That's it then? You can read minds? Why didn't you tell me?
Evang: I can't read minds, but I do know that you can't write lemons-
Jemu: Hoy! Foul! Low blow! Judge!
Ines: (suddenly in her "explain" mode, all traces of drunkeness gone) His inability to write scenes where people are engaged in the sexual act appears to be a manifestation of his personal sexual development.
Jemu: (in a flat voice) Just what the hell do you mean by that?
Evang: (smugly) She means that you don't know how to write lemons because you haven't gotten laid yet, nor are you going to get any, you poor jerk.
[A glimmering drop falls into a dark pool, causing shimmering ripples to form and spread outward. For those who can't see what this is, this what Yurika was visualizing, what we saw in her mind before she goes...]
Jemu: WAAAAAAAAAAAH! (rushes out of the lounge, tears streaming from his eyes)
Ines: You're mean, Evang.
Evang: Am I?
Ines: Yes.
Evang: Really?
Ines: Yes, you're mean.
Evang: Am I really?
Ines: Yes, you are.
Evang: It can't be helped.
[Evang turns to look for a glass so he can join Ines, when suddenly BOS chimes in.]
Evang: Nani?
BOS: Receiving audio stream from hammerspace. Standby.
"So why did you run from me, Akito? Is there someone else?"
"No. Well, not exactly. There's this little girl - no, I don't mean it like that. Ouch! Do you want to hear it or not?"
"Sorry. Of course I can handle it. You might think I'm untouched by the events, but inside I have my own set of scars. You don't have to hide your darkness away from me, my prince. Those days when I was apart from you, did you think I was happy? I mourned, Akito. I mourned, and I cried, because I thought that the darkness would take me, consume me. But somehow, it never did. Something was always telling me to hold on, and never let go of you. So I refused to let go, hoping someday I'd find you again. I'm stronger now, my love; you can share your darkness with me. You're not alone anymore.
"I... I don't know what to say. Thank you. I know I've been a fool, and I don't know how to make it up to you, all the pain I've caused-"
"You can start by telling me about that little girl."
"Her name is Lapis Lazuli. I escaped from the Jovian lab with her help. I was really helpless then. My sensations were confused: I couldn't be sure if what I was seeing was actually there, if I was hearing imaginary things. My body was numb, my sense of smell and taste were gone. My dreams were shattered..."
"It's okay, Akito. I'm here."
[The sound of soft sobbing is heard. Then..]
"Damn. Yurika, I'm sorry I've made you cry again. I knew I shouldn't have said anything-"
"No! Please, I need to know. I have to know."
"Promise me you won't cry, Yurika."
"I won't, if you won't."
"Alright. My body was a total mess. But somehow, Lapis allowed me the use of my body again. SOmething was always missing, like a song with the last stanza unsung, but the important thing was that I could see better, hear better, and I could move normally again. Although I couldn't taste or smell anything even when she was, linked, you could say, with me, it was enough for me to escape. For both of us to escape. I couldn't leave her alone to those bastards."
"I see. I must meet her some time. I have a lot to say to her, beginnig with my thanks.
"That could be arranged."
"What does she look like?"
"She's a lot like Ruri. If you sit them side by side, with identical clothes and hairdo, you'd have a hard time telling them apart. But that's not all. Lapis can also interface with computers like Ruri, but more; she can link with humans, analyze the sensations she's receiving with her powerful little brain, and... well, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here."
"So if we were making love right now-"
"She'd feel it, Yurika. All of it."
[Silence.]
"What is it, Akito?"
"I can't feel her. I CAN'T FEEL HER!"
"Akito, calm down. What do you mean you can't feel her?"
"She's not in my head. I can't find her."
"It's probably this room, or this station. Whatever the station did to prevent you from Boson jumping might have done something. I don't know."
[Silence again.]
"Akito?"
"What?"
"Remember earlier, when I pinched you beacause I thought you were a pedophile?"
"I don't have feelings for Lapis like that, okay? I look at myself as a guardian of sorts."
"I wasn't referring to that. What did you say when I pinched you?"
"What do you mean? Of course I said 'Ouch!'"
[Silence.]
"How is this possible? I felt it, and Lapis isn't here in my mind?"
"Remember how you carried me down the stairs, Akito? That's not possible for a man with low body coordination or control."
"..."
"And you were fighting the Bartender earlier, before I arrived. You told me so."
"So I did. Hey, where are you going?"
"I have hypothesis I'd like to test out."
"Eh?"
[Silence.]
"Okay, Akito. Can you feel my hands on your shoulders?"
"Yes. Yes, yes. Oh!"
"Good."
[Silence.]
"So, Akito, what do I taste like?"
"...aa ...a ...Apples! No, wait, apple juice! How is this possible?"
"Why don't we ask Ines later? Maybe she can explaimmmph!"
"Don't say it! I wouldn't want Ines To walk in on us, especially in my condition."
"Oh my."
"Yes. Oh my."
"Is that... really... ?"
"I thought I was supposed to be the one with the hallucinations."
"..."
"Hmmm... your hair smells wonderful, like a box of oranges. Do you smell as good, down here?"
"Akito, what are you doing! Stop that!"
"Hmmm, fresh fruit. Yummy!"
[Faint slurping sounds can be heard.]
"Ohhh, Akitooo!"
"So smooth. So soft. Mmmm."
"Ohhh!"
"Did I ever tell you, I love milk?"
"Aaahhh!"
[Static fills the air.]
Evang: (dazed) Whoa.
Ines: (stunned) Uh...
BOS: Audio stream terminated.
Jemu: (walking back in) That was... unexpected. Yet another reason to have another blonde scientist on board, even for a little while.
END EPISODE 2 (boy that was long!)
A fanfic by James Evangelista (jemu99@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters appearing in these scenes, with the exceptions of Bartender and Evang. All other characters belong to their respective owners. There I've said it. So don't go suing me, eh?
#A 5-6 is a loansharking term. It means if you borrow $500 from me, I'd expect you to return $600 to me unless you want to face a goon squad or get hexed.
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5...4...3...2...1...Poof!
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[SCENE: the SpaceBar Main Lounge. A raised platform, which would usually hold a live performer or five, is currently occupied by two men and a pair of microphones. In one booth sits Akito Tenkawa, with Yurika in his lap. In another, keeping a mug of beer company, is Shinji Ikari. A reconstruction-droid is taking measurements of the circular hole in the bar.]
Bartender: Welcome back to the Spacebar. This is our second episode, the questions episode. Me and my companion, the telekinetic Force(tm)-sensitive psycopath Evang -
Evang: Hello! (flashes two V's, one on each hand)
Bartender:(looks sideways at his companion, then back to the audience) Will be here to answer any questions you might have.
Evang: Question, Bartender-san!
Bartender: Huh?
Evang: What's your first name?
Bartender: Why do you ask?
Evang: Because the author has been complaining about having to type out such a long word for your lines.
[Everybody laughs out loud at this.]
Bartender: Okay, to answer that, my first name is Jemu. Henceforth all lines referring to or said by Jemu would be taken to refer to the Bartender. Clear?
Readers: Hai!
Jemu: OK! Next Question! Yes, Mr. Ikari?
Shinji: How did I get here? I knew EVAs have some rudimentary jump-jets but they're still land-based, right?
Jemu: You got here via the OAH device, Mr. Ikari.
Shinji: What the hell is an OAH device?
Evang: Let me explain.(opens his mouth when suddenly Ines Fresange jumps in from... somewhere)
Ines: Did somebody say 'explain'? (holds a hand to her forehead and sways slightly) Ooooh, my head...
Jemu: Here. (assists Ines to a nearby booth) Sorry about that. The Chrono-Gap from last episode is just beginning to clear.(Produces a bottle filled with clear liquid and a glass, which he fills halfway)
This might help. Slowly, though.(hands the glass to Ines)
Ines: Arigato. (takes a sip) Hey, not bad. What is it?
Jemu: House special. Trade secret, sorry, can't tell. Maybe later after Evang finishes talking.(takes a seat opposite her)
Evang: (clearing his throat) As I was saying, Mr. Ikari, you were brought here by the OAH device. OAH stands for Omnipotent Author Hammerspace. Simply put, because the author wanted you here, you were brought here. (notices a raised hand) Yes, Doctor?
Ines: What is this hammerspace you refer to?
Evang: It is a small bubble of subspace where some people store their equipment. The common users are females, wherein they usually store mallets, bazookas, transformation devices, etc. Males generally store weapons, like handguns, especially when they wear shorts or have nowhere to hide a gun in.
Shinji: (irritated) So I was just here for no reason?
Jemu: Well, I got to use you as the butt of a few jokes, as I did Tenkawa, right? Doesn't that count for something?
Shinji: (glowering) Do you want another beatdown, Bartender-san?(stands up from his seat)
[Evang tenses, as he feels Shinji unfold his AT Field.]
Jemu: (reaching behind him with both hands) I knew I'd have a use for these.(whips out a pair of futuristic looking pistols and aims them at Shinji)
Evang: Hey! Aren't those -
Jemu: (calmly) The positron pistols I bought from the Boombiker for 5-6? You better believe it. (smiles evilly at Shinji) Your move, Shinji-boy.
Shinji: Eep. (resumes his seat)
[Jemu places both hands behind him again. He brings his hands back on the table, empty of pistols.]
Ines: I believe that was a demonstration of hammerspace, Mr. Evang.
Evang: Right you are, Doctor. (Turns to the audience) Anybody else have any questions?
Akito: (pulling his lips free from Yurika's) I do. Got a room here where we can get some privacy?
[Yurika giggles. Everybody else just rolls their eyes.]
Evang: (coughing) Uh, okay. (looks around) We're still working on the expansions, but I believe I can do something for you.
[Evang hops down from the stage. He then reaches down and pulls at a rusted iron ring on the floor {The hell? Where did that come from?}. A section of the floor reveals itself to be a trapdoor. Evang, seemingly satisfied, turns back to Akito.]
Evang: It's not a honeymoon suite, but it has privacy, a bathroom with a tub for two (grins), a Telepathic Hammerspace Refrigerator, and a bed with a feather mattress.
Akito: Awesome. (goes back to his booth, takes Yurika in his arms like a groom carrying his bride over the threshold, and makes his way toward the trapdoor) Uh, won't this close down or something?
Evang: Nahhh. Come out when you two are ready, and the room will disappear. But only then. Also, once you two enter, the handle would vanish, as if it wasn't there in the first place.
Jemu: Sounds like something from Disney Channel.
Evang: So paint me blue and call me a Djinn. (to the Tenkawas) Enjoy yourselves.
Yurika: we will. And thank you!
[Akito carries Yurika down the stairs. Seconds later the floor is whole again.]
Ines: Amazing. That, or I'm getting drunk. (Takes another sip from her glass.)
Shinji: (sounding morose, which is not surprising after witnessing the display earlier) So what am I doing here, really?
Jemu: Just wait. (goes over to the comm port) Hailing the Nadesico. This is the SpaceBar. Please respond.
Ruri: This is Captain Hoshino. Is everything alright?
Jemu: Everything is fine, Captain. I'd like to ask a favor, though.
Ruri: (suddenly wary) A favor?
Jemu: Yes. I'd like to arrange for a cargo transport back to Earth. One large bio-mechanical and its reluctant male pilot.
Ruri: (in a stage whisper) Great. Another baka. (normal tone) Why don't you just send them via hammerspace?
Jemu: How did you know about that? The SpaceBar's disruption system should have scrambled all attempts to intrude in our privacy! Tell me is the system really that pathetic?
Evang: (looking up from playing his harmonica) I told you buying stuff from the Boombiker was stupid.
Ruri: No, the system was okay. It gave me a minute or two of headaches, but fortunately I had help.
Jemu: What do you mean?
Lapis: She means me. Is Akito alright?
[Jemu does a double take as his mind interprets what he sees right now: two Captain Hoshinos? Even in his dumbfounded state, he still took satisfaction in the look of bewilderment on Shinji's and Evang's faces. Ines just smiled.]
Jemu: Two... two... uhh... (starts drooling like an idiot)
Ruri: How rude of me. This (motions to the girl beside her) is Lapis. The resemblance is striking, is it not?
Jemu:...
Evang:...
Shinji:(thiniking to himself) It's nice to know that cloning shit doesn't only happen in my series.
Ruri: (still standing beside Lapis) Hailing the SpaceBar. Anybody alive in there?
Jemu: (snaps out of his trance, wipes the drool off his face) Ah, yes?
Ruri: Baka baka. Why can't you send them back through hammerspace?
Jemu: Oh, that. Well, the Evangelion is too big. (sweatdrops)
Ruri: (sighs) Okay, since you've made Akito and Yurika happy-(turns to Lapis) No, nothing's wrong with you, it's just that the restraining field they used to cancel Boson jumps somehow cut your connection with Akito.
Lapis: Will he be alright? (to Jemu) Where is he right now?
Evang: Well, Yurika and Akito are probably having a "little talk" right now in a private room on board. And don't bother trying to tap in: even I can't detect them using my Awareness 5.
Jemu: 5? I thought you told me you were a 7?
Evang: When I'm drunk. ^_^
Jemu: Right. (turns back to the screen) So Captain, what is your decision? I'll understand if you refuse, though. It's alright with me.
Ruri: Well, since you've gotten Yurika off my back, so to speak, I guess we manage to fit in your pilot and his mech. How big is it anyway?
Jemu: Well, an Aestivalis would reach up to its waist-
Seiya: What! That's insane! No way it's going into the Aesti hangar standing up! The cargo bay, maybe...
Everyone: Uri-P?! What are you doing there?
Ruri: Well, someone has to train the new mechanics, so-
Evang: I see. Think the cargo bay can handle it, lying down?
Seiya: We'll see. Can I come on board to see the thing?
Jemu: Sure. How about a beer?
Seiya: Why not? (grins, then signs out)
Shinji: So that's it? You're sending me back to Tokyo-3? What about your- (Cuts off, before he says 'revenge'.)
Jemu: Revenge? Look, (takes something from his pocket) I want you to give this to your father. Do it, and we'll call it quits. OK?
Shinji: (stares at the hazardous material container) Won't I die if I touch that?
[Evang, meanwhile is refilling Ines' glass, this time nearly to the brim.]
Jemu: If it was fatal, I'd be dead now. So would you.
Shinji: You've got a point there.
Jemu: Catch! (Throws the canister at Shinji.)
[Shinji is startled, but manages to catch it.]
Jemu: Tell your father an old friend from the 1980s Philippines still remembers him. He'll understand.
BOS (Brain Of SpaceBar, the station's computer): Mr Uribatake has reached the hangar area, sir.
Evang: That's good BOS. (to Shinji) Well, show him around your EVA, boy. Run along now.
Shinji: Okay. (stands up and exits the lounge.)
Evang: (whispering) Are you sure it's wise to get Dr. Fresange drunk?
Jemu: (grinning, whispers back) It's all in the plan.
Evang: (whispering) Are you trying to get lucky and score with her?
Jemu: (in an angry whisper) I'm not getting her drunk to score with her, I just need her incapacitated to prevent her from Boson jumping out properly.
Evang: (whispering) To what end?
Jemu: (whispering as well) So that she and another blonde female scientist can have a very interesting talk, probably a techno-babble episode.
Evang: You mean- (glances at the door were Shinji exited.) You wouldn't!
Jemu: Really? {massive foreshadowing, everyone!}
Ines: (in a slurred voice) Hey you two are getting kinda cozy over there? Maybe you need to use that room after Akito and Yurika are finished with it. (giggles)
[Both males sweatdrop.]
Evang: (walking casually toward Ines) She's drunk.
Jemu: Not my fault. I wasn't the one who filled her glass.
Evang: It was your wine. What the hell was in that bottle anyway?
Ines: Yes, you promised to tell me later. It's later now. (giggles again)
Jemu: A native Philippine wine called 'tuba'. It's made from coconut water.
Evang: And the Philippines has a lot of coconuts. ^_^!
[A vid-screen appears. Seiya is on it, with Shinji and a large purple form in the background.]
Seiya: You lying swine! I thought you said an Aesti would reach up to its waist!
Jemu: I did, but you didn't let me finish. I was about to say that an Aestivalis would reach up to its waist, if the Evangelion was curled up in a ball.
Seiya: Bakayaro! (signs out)
Ines: You said you had plans for me, Jemu. Is this true?
Evang: It probably is, but knowing him, it none of those plans are hentai.
Ines: Oh, how disappointing. (hiccups) Oh, excuse me. (hiccups again)
Jemu: That's it then? You can read minds? Why didn't you tell me?
Evang: I can't read minds, but I do know that you can't write lemons-
Jemu: Hoy! Foul! Low blow! Judge!
Ines: (suddenly in her "explain" mode, all traces of drunkeness gone) His inability to write scenes where people are engaged in the sexual act appears to be a manifestation of his personal sexual development.
Jemu: (in a flat voice) Just what the hell do you mean by that?
Evang: (smugly) She means that you don't know how to write lemons because you haven't gotten laid yet, nor are you going to get any, you poor jerk.
[A glimmering drop falls into a dark pool, causing shimmering ripples to form and spread outward. For those who can't see what this is, this what Yurika was visualizing, what we saw in her mind before she goes...]
Jemu: WAAAAAAAAAAAH! (rushes out of the lounge, tears streaming from his eyes)
Ines: You're mean, Evang.
Evang: Am I?
Ines: Yes.
Evang: Really?
Ines: Yes, you're mean.
Evang: Am I really?
Ines: Yes, you are.
Evang: It can't be helped.
[Evang turns to look for a glass so he can join Ines, when suddenly BOS chimes in.]
Evang: Nani?
BOS: Receiving audio stream from hammerspace. Standby.
"So why did you run from me, Akito? Is there someone else?"
"No. Well, not exactly. There's this little girl - no, I don't mean it like that. Ouch! Do you want to hear it or not?"
"Sorry. Of course I can handle it. You might think I'm untouched by the events, but inside I have my own set of scars. You don't have to hide your darkness away from me, my prince. Those days when I was apart from you, did you think I was happy? I mourned, Akito. I mourned, and I cried, because I thought that the darkness would take me, consume me. But somehow, it never did. Something was always telling me to hold on, and never let go of you. So I refused to let go, hoping someday I'd find you again. I'm stronger now, my love; you can share your darkness with me. You're not alone anymore.
"I... I don't know what to say. Thank you. I know I've been a fool, and I don't know how to make it up to you, all the pain I've caused-"
"You can start by telling me about that little girl."
"Her name is Lapis Lazuli. I escaped from the Jovian lab with her help. I was really helpless then. My sensations were confused: I couldn't be sure if what I was seeing was actually there, if I was hearing imaginary things. My body was numb, my sense of smell and taste were gone. My dreams were shattered..."
"It's okay, Akito. I'm here."
[The sound of soft sobbing is heard. Then..]
"Damn. Yurika, I'm sorry I've made you cry again. I knew I shouldn't have said anything-"
"No! Please, I need to know. I have to know."
"Promise me you won't cry, Yurika."
"I won't, if you won't."
"Alright. My body was a total mess. But somehow, Lapis allowed me the use of my body again. SOmething was always missing, like a song with the last stanza unsung, but the important thing was that I could see better, hear better, and I could move normally again. Although I couldn't taste or smell anything even when she was, linked, you could say, with me, it was enough for me to escape. For both of us to escape. I couldn't leave her alone to those bastards."
"I see. I must meet her some time. I have a lot to say to her, beginnig with my thanks.
"That could be arranged."
"What does she look like?"
"She's a lot like Ruri. If you sit them side by side, with identical clothes and hairdo, you'd have a hard time telling them apart. But that's not all. Lapis can also interface with computers like Ruri, but more; she can link with humans, analyze the sensations she's receiving with her powerful little brain, and... well, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here."
"So if we were making love right now-"
"She'd feel it, Yurika. All of it."
[Silence.]
"What is it, Akito?"
"I can't feel her. I CAN'T FEEL HER!"
"Akito, calm down. What do you mean you can't feel her?"
"She's not in my head. I can't find her."
"It's probably this room, or this station. Whatever the station did to prevent you from Boson jumping might have done something. I don't know."
[Silence again.]
"Akito?"
"What?"
"Remember earlier, when I pinched you beacause I thought you were a pedophile?"
"I don't have feelings for Lapis like that, okay? I look at myself as a guardian of sorts."
"I wasn't referring to that. What did you say when I pinched you?"
"What do you mean? Of course I said 'Ouch!'"
[Silence.]
"How is this possible? I felt it, and Lapis isn't here in my mind?"
"Remember how you carried me down the stairs, Akito? That's not possible for a man with low body coordination or control."
"..."
"And you were fighting the Bartender earlier, before I arrived. You told me so."
"So I did. Hey, where are you going?"
"I have hypothesis I'd like to test out."
"Eh?"
[Silence.]
"Okay, Akito. Can you feel my hands on your shoulders?"
"Yes. Yes, yes. Oh!"
"Good."
[Silence.]
"So, Akito, what do I taste like?"
"...aa ...a ...Apples! No, wait, apple juice! How is this possible?"
"Why don't we ask Ines later? Maybe she can explaimmmph!"
"Don't say it! I wouldn't want Ines To walk in on us, especially in my condition."
"Oh my."
"Yes. Oh my."
"Is that... really... ?"
"I thought I was supposed to be the one with the hallucinations."
"..."
"Hmmm... your hair smells wonderful, like a box of oranges. Do you smell as good, down here?"
"Akito, what are you doing! Stop that!"
"Hmmm, fresh fruit. Yummy!"
[Faint slurping sounds can be heard.]
"Ohhh, Akitooo!"
"So smooth. So soft. Mmmm."
"Ohhh!"
"Did I ever tell you, I love milk?"
"Aaahhh!"
[Static fills the air.]
Evang: (dazed) Whoa.
Ines: (stunned) Uh...
BOS: Audio stream terminated.
Jemu: (walking back in) That was... unexpected. Yet another reason to have another blonde scientist on board, even for a little while.
END EPISODE 2 (boy that was long!)