Spacebar Adventures: A Nadesico crossover with a whole bunch of other universes, including my own.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters within this story, with the exception of Jemu, Evang, and BOS (Brain of SpaceBar). I repeat I don't own them other characters, so don't sue me, 'kay?
NOTE: Best viewed with a text editor with Word Wrap on. Otherwise, you'd end up scrolling left to right as you read.
EPISODE FOUR: ANOTHER ONE WITHOUT AN INTRO.
The distance from the moon to the earth isn't that huge. 20th century spacecraft, or I should say space-capable craft can reach it in less time than it takes for some web pages to update, which is saying a lot. The distance that military and communication satellites fly above the Earth is less still. And somewhere between these distances, the elongated form of the SpaceBar, the bar in every conceivable universe, floats peacefully.
Evang: You think I'm brainless?! Take this! (Takes a deep breath, and shouts.) MIND BLAST!
Jemu: EEP! (ducks behind the bar, letting the bottles take the blast)
Akito: Hey! Friendly fire! (dives for cover, pulling his wife with him)
Shinji: AT FIELD!
The air around Shinji Ikari ripples as his soul barrier manifests, protecting him, Seiya, Ines, and Ritsuko. The shards slam into the field, and are disintegrated.
Ines: Interesting. It appears that Mr. Ikari is able to project this 'AT field' of his in an instant, with little or no preparation whatsoever. Your comments, Dr. Akagi.
Ritusko: I'd like to run a few tests on him myself. Or maybe we should bottle the air inside this station, try to mass produce it, and unleash it on the world.
Seiya: Are you insane? If this is any indication, it will be the end of the world if everybody on the planet was like this! Think of the Impact this would produce!
Ritsuko: (in a casual tone of voice) By my reckoning, it would either be the Third or the Fourth.
Ines: Huh?
Ritsuko: Sorry. Facing down apocalyptic catastrophes on a weekly basis will make you sound jaded.
Ines: Shinji doesn't sound jaded.
Ritusko: Give him time. He'll grow into it.
Meanwhile the friendly neigborhood psychotic psychic is still fuming and raging at his business partner.
Evang: You dare mock me! (A blue aura forms around him, reminiscent of water tossed about by a storm.)
Jemu: Don't force me to do this, buddy. (A green aura, this one just outlining the Bartender's body like faerie fire, manifests.)
Yurika: (from behind a table which her husband kindly upended for them) Why do you two have to fight? You're friends, right?
Evang: Friends? He is my clone! When I am active, he should be passive!
Jemu: I was never a clone! And you are mad, if you think I should bow to your will whenever you say so!
Evang: AAAAAAAARRGGHH! (Charges forward, his aura flaring up.)
Jemu: Chain Strike!
Sickly-green chains erupt from the Bartender's aura, and like snakes they struck through the red-robed psychic's field. The glow around Evang vanished. The chains fastened themselves onto his wrists and ankles and spread-eagled him, and Evang howled. In pain or rage, their audience couldn't tell.
Jemu: SKULL... SCORCH!!!
Evang's head literally burst into flame. Green flame covered his features, making him howl again. The flames disappeared a few seconds later, and everyone watching was surprised at the fact that Evang's face was not charred. Not a burnt hair could be seen on his head. He was unconscious, now, and silence reigned once more.
Jemu: (Whipering) I'm sorry.
Shinji: Is it over? Can I let my AT Field drop now?
Jemu: Yes, you can. I'm also letting him drop now.
With that, the chains holding the unconscious psionic disappeared, dumping him to the floor. Evang moaned softly, but still was not awakened.
Ritsuko: Does this happen often?
Yurika: I hope not. They have to work together, and I don't want to think that they go through this every day.
Jemu: Not everyday. Maybe every week.
A vidscreen pops up. Ruri's concerned face appears moments later. Lapis is nowhere to be found.
Ruri: We detected several energy flares inside the station is everything alright?
Akito: We're okay, Ruri. All except for Evang, who's out cold.
Ruri: Why? What happened?
Ritsuko: He had a minor run-with a couple of those energy flare-ups you detected. He'll be fine in a few hours, except for a splitting headache.
Ines: That's a nice way of looking at it.
Ritsuko: You have another way of explaining it?
Ines: Yes. Simply put, he and the Bartender got into a fight, and the Bartender handed his ass to him.
Jemu: Thank you, doctor.
Ruri: I see. (Pauses.) Seiya, is the purple robot ready for transport?
Seiya: It won't fit into the Aestivalis hangar no matter what we do. If we could sort of move it, maybe into a fetal position...
Shinji: But I can't pilot it right now. The entry plug has been drained of LCL.
Everyone is quiet for a while as they ponder this. The communications link to the Nadesico-c winks out as they do so.Then...
Akito: I have an idea.
Ritsuko: (shaking her head) Whatever it is, if it involves moving the EVA, we have to have LCL. (To Jemu.) I don't suppose you have angelic ichor on stock?
Jemu: No. If you had a small sample, I could replicate it -
Shinji: But the entry plug has been drained. It's as dry as Asuka's-
Everyone turns to look at Shinji, their expressions varying from disbelief to disapproval. Shinji flushes, then...
Shinji: Humor. Her sense of humor. What did you think I was going to say? Bloody pereverts.
Everybody else (including the readers): Nothing. -_^!
Akito: But that's just it! I think I know where we can get this LCL thing of yours. Jemu, do you think you can open the hammerspace suite that we came out of?
Jemu: I'll try. BOS, you there?
BOS: Yes sir.
Jemu: Locate last known hammerspce leakage on board.
BOS: (Pauses before answering.) Cannot detect.
Jemu: Okay, focus on last hammerspace transmission. The one in Episode Two.
BOS: Checking. (Silence for a while. Then) Confirmed. Point of origin is at Chi 5NT3R of this room.
Jemu: Alright, let's get cracking. (Walks to the center of the room.)
Dropping on all fours, he starts feeling his way around the floor. He's starting to get worried that he might not find it and end up looking like a fool, when...
Jemu: Aha! Got you! (An iron ring appears on the floor, and he tries to pull it up.) Hey, I could use some help here, gentlemen.
Seiya: Alright boys, let's go help an old man in need.
Jemu: I'm not old! I'm just - (Breaks off his sentence.)
Seiya: You're how old?
Jemu: Forget it.
Seiya: (grinning) Okay, Shinji, Akito, on three, we tug at this ring. Ready? One... two... THREE!
A resounding crash is heard as the trapdoor is thrown open. Fortunately, it missed hitting any of the men's toes.
Akito: Okay! Doctor, (Turns to face Ritsuko.) you're coming with me. (Grinning lecherously.) Ever seen the inside of a hammerspace honeymoon suite before?
Ritsuko: Well, I haven't. Is it any good?
Akito: Come with me and you'll find out.
Akito notices something weird though. His wife had gone quiet, and when he looked he saw that she was turning bright red. There was even a faint hint of a battle aura around her. Akito started to see flashbacks of his childhood.
SLAP!!!
Yurika: Akito no baka! How dare you try to take this, this, this woman to a place where we shared some meaningful moments together!
Akito: (Realigning his head.) Wait, let me explain. There was no need to try and decapitate me, Yurika. There's a reason for my insistence on bringing Dr. Akagi down there, and it's not what you think it is.
Yurika: (Still fuming.) This had better be good.
Akito: Okay. Remember that weird refrigerator in the suite? The one that seemed empty, but where you pulled out the stuff you drank?
Yurika: Let me guess. You want Dr. Akagi to pull out this LCL thing out of the refrigerator, have the Bartender produce as much as Shinji needs for his robot?
Akito: (Amazed.) Wow, you figured out my plan! How did you do that?
Yurika: Two things. One: I'm your wife. I'm supposed to be able to do feats like that, because if I couldn't, what kind of wife would that make me?
Akito: And the second?
Yurika: Despite what most people think, I DO HAVE a BRAIN, you know.
Akito: Oh. (He is silent for a while, unsure of how to proceed, until Ritsuko intervened.)
Ritsuko: So, where is this LCL source that you say exists?
Akito: It's not really an LCL source, it's more of an anything source.
Ritsuko: (Dryly) Could you be a little more specific? I AM a scientist, you know.
Yurika: To operate the device, you first think of something that you wish to pull out from the depths of the refrigerator. You hold that thought in your head, as well as the amount and the container you wish it to come out in, close your eyes and reach in. You might have to feel around the space withyour eyes closed, though.
Ritsuko: So it operates on the Need Principle?
Yurika: Yes, you can say that.
AKito: I take it you aren't angry at the doctor anymore and that you feel sorry for slapping me earlier, am I right?
Yurika: Yes and no.
Akito: what does that mean, yes and no?
Yurika: It means yes, I'm not angry at the doctor anymore; I never was. You on the other hand, deserved that slap. One could say you had it coming.
Akito: What!? Do tell me why you think I deserved it.
Yurika: (In a quiet tone) You deserved that for shirking responsibility by leaving me behind, HUSBAND DEAR.
Ritusko: You go, girl!
Yurika: Thank you, Doctor. Shall we go see if we can obtain some LCL for Shinji's robot?
Ritsuko: By all means. Lead the way. (The two descend the set of stairs into the suite.)
Jemu: Wow, that was a doozy. Still hasn't forgiven you for that one, has she?
Shinji: (Sagely) From the way they were behaving earlier, I'd say she's forgiven him, but not forgotten his deed. You'd best be careful, Akito, that she doesn't think of you as a coward for running off like that.
Akito: (Snidely) And I suppose you're an expert on that subject?
Shinji: Yep. I always knew running away wouldn't solve anything. It's just that I didn't have anything or anyone to leave behind, so why bother?
Akito: You mean you don't even have a girlfriend, or at the least, someone who thinks she is?
Shinji: Nope.
Jemu: (In a stage whisper) Don't worry I have a feeling that that's about to change.
Shinji: Did you say something?
Jemu: Me? No, I- (Notices Evang is coming around.) Hey, help him, will ya? I have to clean up this here mess, again.
Akito: I have a question.
Jemu: Shoot. (Begins vacuuming the shattered glass.)
Akito: (Taking hold of Evang's left arm) How come you didn't use those powers on Shinji and me back in episode 1?
Shinji: (Grabbing the other arm) Yeah, why didn't you? You could have saved yourself a lot of pain.
Jemu: (Stops vacuuming.) Well, it was a cool plot device to have you two beat up on one of the author's facets. Besides, Evang needed an excuse to make an appearance. ^^
The two manage to help the still-groggy psionic into the booth where Seiya is currently sprawled face-down and Ines is keeping watch over him. Ines looks up, and spies Jemu behind the bar, mopping up the wasted liquids.
Ines: Just how potent is this 'tuba' of yours?
Jemu: Well, it's been sitting for just about four years, so I'd say it's 80% alcohol by volume. Why?
Ines: That's the reason you told me to sip slowly, right?
Jemu: That is correct, Doctor.
Ines: I see nobody warned Seiya about it. He probably thought it was whisky, or something.
Jemu: Oh, dear. He's not going to be to happy when he wakes up.
The sound of female voices in conversation floats up from the stairs. Moments later, Yurika and Ritsuko climb out of the hole, Ritsuko with a thermos of something in her hands.
Jemu: So did you get some... LCL, I mean?
Yurika: (Glaring at him) Yes, we did. (Turns to her companion) Give it to him, 'Ko.
Ritsuko: Here. (Walks over to the bar and hands the thermos to the Bartender.)
Jemu: (Opens the spout, and takes a sniff.) Holy Schmutt! What is this crap? Smells like blood, it does.
Evang: Of course it does, you doof. What did you think it was, iron-enriched liquid oxygen?
Jemu: No one's asking you!
Shinji: Can we get on to reproducing the stuff, please?
Jemu: Sorry. I'll get right to it. (Busies himself with a device that looks like a cross between an electrolysis setup and a blender.) This won't take long.
Meanwhile, Evang seems to have recovered his strength. He gets up from the booth and makes his way toward the stairs in the center of the room. Nobody stops him and he goes down.
Akito: I wonder what's he going to do down there.
Shinji: It's probably best if we leave him alone to it.
Muffled curses can soon be heard, as well as some grunting. Halting footsteps slowly make their way to the top, every to steps or so interrupted by mutterings. Soon, Evang comes up to the surface, hauling the Telepathic/Empathic Hammerspace Refrigerator/Safety Deposit Box.
Everyone who noticed: ...
Evang suddenly realizes that he does have telekinesis, and sets the damn heavy thing on the floor. Using his considerable mind powers, he floats the DHT (damn heavy thing) to a spot across the bar on the other side of the room, and closes the hammerspace trapdoor as well.
BOS: Molecular analysis and reproduction completed.
Jemu: Thank you, BOS. Proceed with mass production, and channel the product directly into Evangelion-01's entry plug.
Ritsuko: You have the EVA plugged and monitored?
Jemu: No, but BOS is about to do just that. Right, BOS?
BOS: Primary linkup completed. Exchanging control protocol packets now.
Evang: You hear that, Shinji? Soon you'll be back home.
Shinji: Are you so eager to get rid of us?
Evang: I'll admit, you guys are some of the best customers that we've had, but we really shouldn't keep Akito's treatment waiting. No telling when this "healing air" is going to run out, and stuff like that.
Shinji: And this HazMat canister you put in my safekeeping hasn't been much use as a plot device, right?
Evang: (Surprised) You still have it?
Shinji: Of course. If I remember correctly, you said that it was the key to episode 4. Well, guess what? It IS episode 4, and it still hasn't done anything.
Evang: Worry not, young friend. All will come to fruition, soon.
BOS: LCL injection completed. Pilot Ikari, please proceed to hangar and prepare to board.
Shinji: Well, I guess this is goodbye. (Holds out his hand to Evang.)
Evang: No, this isn't. It's more like hasta la vista, until we see each other again. Take care, everybody.
Jemu: Captain Hoshino, the passengers are ready to board. The EVA unit will be ready to move as well.
Ruri: Good. That means we can go, after we've picked everybody up?
Jemu: So eager to leave, Captain?
Ruri: Well, I haven't done anything except pop up in vidscreens the past few episodes.
Jemu: I don't hear Lapis complaining, and she did far less than you. What do you suppose that means?
A few minutes later, the visitors were gone from the main lounge of the SpaceBar. Seiya posed a bit of a problem, though. The gravity had to be turned down to one-third Terran to make dragging his carcass, still suffering the effects of rapid 'tuba' ingestion, to the waiting starship. As the two not-quite-self-inserts watch the ship pull away and head for Earth...
Evang: Are you still bent on trying to turn Shinji Ikari into Shinji "Mega Playboy" Ikari?
Jemu: He can't turn into a playboy, mega or otherwise. Too few women in the series that are in his age bracket.
Evang: But that's what a playboy is, right? No matter what the age, if it's a woman he'll go after it.
Jemu: What you're describing is either a pedophile or a gigolo. I'm not turning Ikari into either one.
Evang: So what are your plans?
Jemu: Maybe a little un-puppy love in the workplace. Or school. Or something. You'll find out on the next episode.
Evang: Could we have an opening song next time?
Jemu: We'll see.
COMING UP: Episode 5/ The Cure and the Canister
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters within this story, with the exception of Jemu, Evang, and BOS (Brain of SpaceBar). I repeat I don't own them other characters, so don't sue me, 'kay?
NOTE: Best viewed with a text editor with Word Wrap on. Otherwise, you'd end up scrolling left to right as you read.
EPISODE FOUR: ANOTHER ONE WITHOUT AN INTRO.
The distance from the moon to the earth isn't that huge. 20th century spacecraft, or I should say space-capable craft can reach it in less time than it takes for some web pages to update, which is saying a lot. The distance that military and communication satellites fly above the Earth is less still. And somewhere between these distances, the elongated form of the SpaceBar, the bar in every conceivable universe, floats peacefully.
Evang: You think I'm brainless?! Take this! (Takes a deep breath, and shouts.) MIND BLAST!
Jemu: EEP! (ducks behind the bar, letting the bottles take the blast)
Akito: Hey! Friendly fire! (dives for cover, pulling his wife with him)
Shinji: AT FIELD!
The air around Shinji Ikari ripples as his soul barrier manifests, protecting him, Seiya, Ines, and Ritsuko. The shards slam into the field, and are disintegrated.
Ines: Interesting. It appears that Mr. Ikari is able to project this 'AT field' of his in an instant, with little or no preparation whatsoever. Your comments, Dr. Akagi.
Ritusko: I'd like to run a few tests on him myself. Or maybe we should bottle the air inside this station, try to mass produce it, and unleash it on the world.
Seiya: Are you insane? If this is any indication, it will be the end of the world if everybody on the planet was like this! Think of the Impact this would produce!
Ritsuko: (in a casual tone of voice) By my reckoning, it would either be the Third or the Fourth.
Ines: Huh?
Ritsuko: Sorry. Facing down apocalyptic catastrophes on a weekly basis will make you sound jaded.
Ines: Shinji doesn't sound jaded.
Ritusko: Give him time. He'll grow into it.
Meanwhile the friendly neigborhood psychotic psychic is still fuming and raging at his business partner.
Evang: You dare mock me! (A blue aura forms around him, reminiscent of water tossed about by a storm.)
Jemu: Don't force me to do this, buddy. (A green aura, this one just outlining the Bartender's body like faerie fire, manifests.)
Yurika: (from behind a table which her husband kindly upended for them) Why do you two have to fight? You're friends, right?
Evang: Friends? He is my clone! When I am active, he should be passive!
Jemu: I was never a clone! And you are mad, if you think I should bow to your will whenever you say so!
Evang: AAAAAAAARRGGHH! (Charges forward, his aura flaring up.)
Jemu: Chain Strike!
Sickly-green chains erupt from the Bartender's aura, and like snakes they struck through the red-robed psychic's field. The glow around Evang vanished. The chains fastened themselves onto his wrists and ankles and spread-eagled him, and Evang howled. In pain or rage, their audience couldn't tell.
Jemu: SKULL... SCORCH!!!
Evang's head literally burst into flame. Green flame covered his features, making him howl again. The flames disappeared a few seconds later, and everyone watching was surprised at the fact that Evang's face was not charred. Not a burnt hair could be seen on his head. He was unconscious, now, and silence reigned once more.
Jemu: (Whipering) I'm sorry.
Shinji: Is it over? Can I let my AT Field drop now?
Jemu: Yes, you can. I'm also letting him drop now.
With that, the chains holding the unconscious psionic disappeared, dumping him to the floor. Evang moaned softly, but still was not awakened.
Ritsuko: Does this happen often?
Yurika: I hope not. They have to work together, and I don't want to think that they go through this every day.
Jemu: Not everyday. Maybe every week.
A vidscreen pops up. Ruri's concerned face appears moments later. Lapis is nowhere to be found.
Ruri: We detected several energy flares inside the station is everything alright?
Akito: We're okay, Ruri. All except for Evang, who's out cold.
Ruri: Why? What happened?
Ritsuko: He had a minor run-with a couple of those energy flare-ups you detected. He'll be fine in a few hours, except for a splitting headache.
Ines: That's a nice way of looking at it.
Ritsuko: You have another way of explaining it?
Ines: Yes. Simply put, he and the Bartender got into a fight, and the Bartender handed his ass to him.
Jemu: Thank you, doctor.
Ruri: I see. (Pauses.) Seiya, is the purple robot ready for transport?
Seiya: It won't fit into the Aestivalis hangar no matter what we do. If we could sort of move it, maybe into a fetal position...
Shinji: But I can't pilot it right now. The entry plug has been drained of LCL.
Everyone is quiet for a while as they ponder this. The communications link to the Nadesico-c winks out as they do so.Then...
Akito: I have an idea.
Ritsuko: (shaking her head) Whatever it is, if it involves moving the EVA, we have to have LCL. (To Jemu.) I don't suppose you have angelic ichor on stock?
Jemu: No. If you had a small sample, I could replicate it -
Shinji: But the entry plug has been drained. It's as dry as Asuka's-
Everyone turns to look at Shinji, their expressions varying from disbelief to disapproval. Shinji flushes, then...
Shinji: Humor. Her sense of humor. What did you think I was going to say? Bloody pereverts.
Everybody else (including the readers): Nothing. -_^!
Akito: But that's just it! I think I know where we can get this LCL thing of yours. Jemu, do you think you can open the hammerspace suite that we came out of?
Jemu: I'll try. BOS, you there?
BOS: Yes sir.
Jemu: Locate last known hammerspce leakage on board.
BOS: (Pauses before answering.) Cannot detect.
Jemu: Okay, focus on last hammerspace transmission. The one in Episode Two.
BOS: Checking. (Silence for a while. Then) Confirmed. Point of origin is at Chi 5NT3R of this room.
Jemu: Alright, let's get cracking. (Walks to the center of the room.)
Dropping on all fours, he starts feeling his way around the floor. He's starting to get worried that he might not find it and end up looking like a fool, when...
Jemu: Aha! Got you! (An iron ring appears on the floor, and he tries to pull it up.) Hey, I could use some help here, gentlemen.
Seiya: Alright boys, let's go help an old man in need.
Jemu: I'm not old! I'm just - (Breaks off his sentence.)
Seiya: You're how old?
Jemu: Forget it.
Seiya: (grinning) Okay, Shinji, Akito, on three, we tug at this ring. Ready? One... two... THREE!
A resounding crash is heard as the trapdoor is thrown open. Fortunately, it missed hitting any of the men's toes.
Akito: Okay! Doctor, (Turns to face Ritsuko.) you're coming with me. (Grinning lecherously.) Ever seen the inside of a hammerspace honeymoon suite before?
Ritsuko: Well, I haven't. Is it any good?
Akito: Come with me and you'll find out.
Akito notices something weird though. His wife had gone quiet, and when he looked he saw that she was turning bright red. There was even a faint hint of a battle aura around her. Akito started to see flashbacks of his childhood.
SLAP!!!
Yurika: Akito no baka! How dare you try to take this, this, this woman to a place where we shared some meaningful moments together!
Akito: (Realigning his head.) Wait, let me explain. There was no need to try and decapitate me, Yurika. There's a reason for my insistence on bringing Dr. Akagi down there, and it's not what you think it is.
Yurika: (Still fuming.) This had better be good.
Akito: Okay. Remember that weird refrigerator in the suite? The one that seemed empty, but where you pulled out the stuff you drank?
Yurika: Let me guess. You want Dr. Akagi to pull out this LCL thing out of the refrigerator, have the Bartender produce as much as Shinji needs for his robot?
Akito: (Amazed.) Wow, you figured out my plan! How did you do that?
Yurika: Two things. One: I'm your wife. I'm supposed to be able to do feats like that, because if I couldn't, what kind of wife would that make me?
Akito: And the second?
Yurika: Despite what most people think, I DO HAVE a BRAIN, you know.
Akito: Oh. (He is silent for a while, unsure of how to proceed, until Ritsuko intervened.)
Ritsuko: So, where is this LCL source that you say exists?
Akito: It's not really an LCL source, it's more of an anything source.
Ritsuko: (Dryly) Could you be a little more specific? I AM a scientist, you know.
Yurika: To operate the device, you first think of something that you wish to pull out from the depths of the refrigerator. You hold that thought in your head, as well as the amount and the container you wish it to come out in, close your eyes and reach in. You might have to feel around the space withyour eyes closed, though.
Ritsuko: So it operates on the Need Principle?
Yurika: Yes, you can say that.
AKito: I take it you aren't angry at the doctor anymore and that you feel sorry for slapping me earlier, am I right?
Yurika: Yes and no.
Akito: what does that mean, yes and no?
Yurika: It means yes, I'm not angry at the doctor anymore; I never was. You on the other hand, deserved that slap. One could say you had it coming.
Akito: What!? Do tell me why you think I deserved it.
Yurika: (In a quiet tone) You deserved that for shirking responsibility by leaving me behind, HUSBAND DEAR.
Ritusko: You go, girl!
Yurika: Thank you, Doctor. Shall we go see if we can obtain some LCL for Shinji's robot?
Ritsuko: By all means. Lead the way. (The two descend the set of stairs into the suite.)
Jemu: Wow, that was a doozy. Still hasn't forgiven you for that one, has she?
Shinji: (Sagely) From the way they were behaving earlier, I'd say she's forgiven him, but not forgotten his deed. You'd best be careful, Akito, that she doesn't think of you as a coward for running off like that.
Akito: (Snidely) And I suppose you're an expert on that subject?
Shinji: Yep. I always knew running away wouldn't solve anything. It's just that I didn't have anything or anyone to leave behind, so why bother?
Akito: You mean you don't even have a girlfriend, or at the least, someone who thinks she is?
Shinji: Nope.
Jemu: (In a stage whisper) Don't worry I have a feeling that that's about to change.
Shinji: Did you say something?
Jemu: Me? No, I- (Notices Evang is coming around.) Hey, help him, will ya? I have to clean up this here mess, again.
Akito: I have a question.
Jemu: Shoot. (Begins vacuuming the shattered glass.)
Akito: (Taking hold of Evang's left arm) How come you didn't use those powers on Shinji and me back in episode 1?
Shinji: (Grabbing the other arm) Yeah, why didn't you? You could have saved yourself a lot of pain.
Jemu: (Stops vacuuming.) Well, it was a cool plot device to have you two beat up on one of the author's facets. Besides, Evang needed an excuse to make an appearance. ^^
The two manage to help the still-groggy psionic into the booth where Seiya is currently sprawled face-down and Ines is keeping watch over him. Ines looks up, and spies Jemu behind the bar, mopping up the wasted liquids.
Ines: Just how potent is this 'tuba' of yours?
Jemu: Well, it's been sitting for just about four years, so I'd say it's 80% alcohol by volume. Why?
Ines: That's the reason you told me to sip slowly, right?
Jemu: That is correct, Doctor.
Ines: I see nobody warned Seiya about it. He probably thought it was whisky, or something.
Jemu: Oh, dear. He's not going to be to happy when he wakes up.
The sound of female voices in conversation floats up from the stairs. Moments later, Yurika and Ritsuko climb out of the hole, Ritsuko with a thermos of something in her hands.
Jemu: So did you get some... LCL, I mean?
Yurika: (Glaring at him) Yes, we did. (Turns to her companion) Give it to him, 'Ko.
Ritsuko: Here. (Walks over to the bar and hands the thermos to the Bartender.)
Jemu: (Opens the spout, and takes a sniff.) Holy Schmutt! What is this crap? Smells like blood, it does.
Evang: Of course it does, you doof. What did you think it was, iron-enriched liquid oxygen?
Jemu: No one's asking you!
Shinji: Can we get on to reproducing the stuff, please?
Jemu: Sorry. I'll get right to it. (Busies himself with a device that looks like a cross between an electrolysis setup and a blender.) This won't take long.
Meanwhile, Evang seems to have recovered his strength. He gets up from the booth and makes his way toward the stairs in the center of the room. Nobody stops him and he goes down.
Akito: I wonder what's he going to do down there.
Shinji: It's probably best if we leave him alone to it.
Muffled curses can soon be heard, as well as some grunting. Halting footsteps slowly make their way to the top, every to steps or so interrupted by mutterings. Soon, Evang comes up to the surface, hauling the Telepathic/Empathic Hammerspace Refrigerator/Safety Deposit Box.
Everyone who noticed: ...
Evang suddenly realizes that he does have telekinesis, and sets the damn heavy thing on the floor. Using his considerable mind powers, he floats the DHT (damn heavy thing) to a spot across the bar on the other side of the room, and closes the hammerspace trapdoor as well.
BOS: Molecular analysis and reproduction completed.
Jemu: Thank you, BOS. Proceed with mass production, and channel the product directly into Evangelion-01's entry plug.
Ritsuko: You have the EVA plugged and monitored?
Jemu: No, but BOS is about to do just that. Right, BOS?
BOS: Primary linkup completed. Exchanging control protocol packets now.
Evang: You hear that, Shinji? Soon you'll be back home.
Shinji: Are you so eager to get rid of us?
Evang: I'll admit, you guys are some of the best customers that we've had, but we really shouldn't keep Akito's treatment waiting. No telling when this "healing air" is going to run out, and stuff like that.
Shinji: And this HazMat canister you put in my safekeeping hasn't been much use as a plot device, right?
Evang: (Surprised) You still have it?
Shinji: Of course. If I remember correctly, you said that it was the key to episode 4. Well, guess what? It IS episode 4, and it still hasn't done anything.
Evang: Worry not, young friend. All will come to fruition, soon.
BOS: LCL injection completed. Pilot Ikari, please proceed to hangar and prepare to board.
Shinji: Well, I guess this is goodbye. (Holds out his hand to Evang.)
Evang: No, this isn't. It's more like hasta la vista, until we see each other again. Take care, everybody.
Jemu: Captain Hoshino, the passengers are ready to board. The EVA unit will be ready to move as well.
Ruri: Good. That means we can go, after we've picked everybody up?
Jemu: So eager to leave, Captain?
Ruri: Well, I haven't done anything except pop up in vidscreens the past few episodes.
Jemu: I don't hear Lapis complaining, and she did far less than you. What do you suppose that means?
A few minutes later, the visitors were gone from the main lounge of the SpaceBar. Seiya posed a bit of a problem, though. The gravity had to be turned down to one-third Terran to make dragging his carcass, still suffering the effects of rapid 'tuba' ingestion, to the waiting starship. As the two not-quite-self-inserts watch the ship pull away and head for Earth...
Evang: Are you still bent on trying to turn Shinji Ikari into Shinji "Mega Playboy" Ikari?
Jemu: He can't turn into a playboy, mega or otherwise. Too few women in the series that are in his age bracket.
Evang: But that's what a playboy is, right? No matter what the age, if it's a woman he'll go after it.
Jemu: What you're describing is either a pedophile or a gigolo. I'm not turning Ikari into either one.
Evang: So what are your plans?
Jemu: Maybe a little un-puppy love in the workplace. Or school. Or something. You'll find out on the next episode.
Evang: Could we have an opening song next time?
Jemu: We'll see.
COMING UP: Episode 5/ The Cure and the Canister