SpaceBar Adventures 13: One of Many
by Jemu Nekketsu
DISCLAIMER: Don't own them, and never will. Except for BOS, Evang, Jemu, and Sada-chan.
Evil Author's Note: This chapter marks my return to the script format of writing. Or maybe it is another mixed script-novel type. I really don't know, but if it bugs you, bahala ka. Series mangled so far are Evangelion, Nadesico, Sakura Taisen (Game and Anime), Full Metal Panic, and even Hell Teacher Nube wasn't spared from the horror. But then again, Nube gets horror everyday, if not from monsters, then from his wife's cooking. (Is that miso icicle soup I smell?)
Akito: Kinda like my wife's efforts in the kitchen.
Nube: At least your wife improves. She will get them right, eventually. With mine, it's a miracle to get thawed sushi.
Jemu: Why do you even eat? Aren't you immortal already?
Nube: That immortality bit just means I won't age, or at least my aging will slow down to match Yukime's.
Jemu: Assuming she does age.
Ohgami: How do you handle it? Living with a nature spirit, a snow lady, even!
Nube: You get used to it. The sex was bad at first. The guy who said "There are no frigid women, only inept men" obviously discounted marrying ice princesses. No pun intended.
Jemu: Hate to be a party-pooper, but that's not exactly sage advice these two should be hearing about women and relationships.
The two were a couple of brown-haired high-school boys/mecha pilots/ total nerds who happened to be sharing the bar with the older folk. Note on older, not mature, folk.
Shinji: If I wanted sage advice, I'd have asked Kaji-san to appear.
Sousuke: You know what they say: sage advice isn't.
Shinji: You're right!
Shinji raises his mug of rootbeer and clinks it with Sousuke's. Both proceed to gulp down their softdrinks.
Jemu: Hey, wait a minute, what does bring you back to this place, Tenkawa?
Akito: As if you didn't know! FYI, I just had to get away from all the women at my household. Especially with all these weird sensations I've been feeling lately.
Jemu: Define weird. Weird, as in, suicidal? Like wanting to eat your wife's cooking?
Behind the camera and lights...
Yurika: Yamete! Darn it, Evang-san, that has to be the most-abused joke in the history of your works! Blue-haired women and bad cooking!!!
Misato: Yeah! I object!!!
Yukime: It isn't my fault if water freezes whenever I'm around!
Shinji: (From the set.) You don't see me harping about my always running away getting used as the butt of jokes!
Sousuke: And me getting typecasted as "brown hair = jerk!"
Evang: (Blows a whistle.) Settle down people. We've got a ways to go. Lemme get this straight, you don't approve of the script, am I right?
Fujieda Ayame: That's right. Too many old jokes and stereotypes. The producers demand something "worth spending their dough on."
Evang: What the-? Ayame? Aren't you like, you know, pushing up daisies, which is why your sister Kaede replaced you?
Kaede: Actually, I'd like to know about that too. Not that I'm displeased with your presence, onee-chan.
Ohgami catches a familiar face in the sidelines, his attention diverted by all the shouting going on.
Ohgami: Ayame-san! (Rushes out of the scene and into the sidelines, where he is promptly sent up into the ceiling by Ayame's and Kaede's uppercuts.
Ayame: Jerk! Lusting after my baby sister just because I died!
Kaede: Asshole! Hitting on me just because my sister and I share the same hair color and surname!
Jemu: (Sweatdrops.) Alright! Camera-bots, cut scene and reset to beginning. We're taking a break!
Nube: This is not an auspicicous beginning. Maybe I should purify the area of negative energy first.
Shinji: Who invited them over in the first place?
Sousuke: Maybe I should bestow a final kiss on each of you. This looks like something that we might not get out of alive.
Shinji: You don't get off with these ritual lip-lockings, do you?
Sousuke: What's 'get off'? Is it the same as disembark?
Thirty minutes later...
BOS: I would like to inform you that we have two new arrivals on board the SpaceBar. One will be a resident of the DCA, while the other is just here for an extended visit.
Jemu: Great. And where was this notification earlier?
BOS: Sorry. But my sorceress/thief was already at level 8, and the skills and character tracking were-
Evang: I told you no playing of RP games when we're at work!
Nube: We have a problem, you three.
3 Self-inserts: WHAT!?
Nube: Looks like Ohgami's out of the picture for a while.
Evang: Naze?
Shinji: Well, when the Ohgami Kagekidan found out about old taichou's "unhealthy feelings" toward his superior officers, well, they weren't too pleased about it.
And somewhere far away, in the land of Ohgami-bashers, there was much dancing and rejoicing. Another blow for the cause has been struck! Oh, sorry about that. Now, back to our regular programming.
Jemu: Great. Just bloody great! Where are we going to get a replacement-
Out of nowhere, three blurs appear, ninja-style, and land in front of Jemu. Immediately, they begin striking poses no sane sentai fan could bear to see.
???1: We have heard of your need!
???2: We understand the necessity!
???3: We shall solve your problem!
???: WE ARE THE... (more crazy poses) DEDU SU-RIIII!!! [Dead 3] YUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOH! tung tung tung tung tung tung tung tung tung...
Kaede: (Claps her hands.) Wow! That's amazing!
Jemu: Oh, it's just Kaji, Gai, and Shiratori-san. The Dead 3. Otherwise known as the SpaceBar's version of the Bara-gumi.
At this, Kaede and Ayame begin to laugh uncontrollably. Soon, Jemu joins them, and upon finding out what Jemu said, Evang roars out as well. The Dead 3 just stand there and peer quizically at them.
Ayame: You're kidding, right? You have your own Bara-gumi? Hahahahahaha!
Kaji: Rose Division? What the hell is that?
Kaede: Do you really want to know?
Kaji: Sure, do pretty lady. Enlighten us poor folks, please.
Kaede proceeds with her explanation on the Bara-gumi. About their beautiful yet male appearance, their rather 'gentle' ways, and the way they're usually locked up, er, kept in the basement. Shock, horror, then finally rage register in the eyes of the Dead 3. They set their sights on Jemu.
Kaji: You will die this day!
Gai: Gai Super NAPALM!!!
Tsukurou: Gekigan KIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!
The bystanders quickly scatter as the Dead 3 attack our friendly neighborhood techno-fiend. Jemu quickly fires his hidden jetpacks and flies up, out of range from Gai and Tsukurou. Kaji tosses what appears to be a watermelon toward Jemu's head, and seeing it, Jemu just slides a few feet to the side. Suddenly, the melon explodes with the force of a car bomb, sending him out of the sky. Tsukurou and Gai quickly take advantage of this opportunity and rush him as he falls.
Akito: So, Gai and Tsukurou have nekketsu chi-based attacks-
Shinji: But what did Kaji just do?
Evang: Let's ask. BOS, get this on tape. Hey Kaji, what did you just do?
Kaji: That was called melokinesis, my friend. But I haven't forgotten about you!! Here, catch!
Kaji tosses another watermelon, this time toward Evang. Evang just sends a flare at it. and it explodes far away from him.
Sousuke: Damn! Why do these things keep happening whenever I try to do something that seems like fun?
Shinji: Starring in a sitcom is your idea of fun?
Sousuke: It was a sitcom? I thought it was a drama!
The battle rages on. Kaname and Tessa slink away from Sousuke after hearing those words.
Kaname: And we're fighting over him?
Tessa: It's almost enough to make a girl consider homosexuality.
Asuka: Almost? Girls are more fun! They last longer, and you get to compare what she likes to what you like! Right, Rei-chan?
Rei: Don't knock it until you've tried it.
Kaname: Is this the designated table where the girlfriends of the actors are supposed to hide behind when something like this breaks out?
Asuka: Be thankful that it's just the four of us behind this table. The Ohgami harem needed two buffet tables, and that's just for the Japanese components.
Rei: Another table had to be commandeered for the French women.
Iris: Onee-chan, what's a harem?
Sakura: (Blushing.) Ah, well, it's- Iris! Where did you hear such a thing!?
Sumire: No need to get so indignant about it, Sakura. But I guess it's to be expected of you. A harem is-
Kanna: Listen to her well, Iris. She REALLY KNOWS what she's talking about.
Sumire: (Standing up, hands on her hips.) And what's that supposed to mean, you manly monkey woman?
Kanna: Manly? (Standing up as well.) If you were manly as well to be not beneath my notice I'd have clobbered you into the ceiling already!
Maria: Stop it, you two! Get behind the table now!
She stands to pull Kanna down, and Kohran takes the cue and tries to do the same with Sumire. A stray fruitbomb flies toward them, and as they watch in horror, Evang rips it apart with a fireblast. The resulting explosion knocks the four out cold.
Sada-chan: And the moral of the story is, "When someone is lobbing explosives and someone can shoot them down, it's still not safe to be without cover." Now back to the fight. Or do you wanna see my beautiful face? No? Oh, well. (A well appears and she hops down into it.)
Erica: Oh no, they're hurt! I've got to help them!
Lobelia: Are you insane? You just saw what a stray melon bomb did, or didn't you!
Erica: But-
Glycine: (Pulling an axe from hammerspace.) It's alright. I'll cover you.
Hanabi: Don't tell me you're going to swat away any melons with that.
Glycine: Okay. I won't tell you. Come on, Sister, let's go. Lobelia, Hanabi, Coquelicot, stay down, clear?
Coquelicot: Crystal. Good luck, Glycine-chan.
Yukime: Husband, this is getting out of hand. Maybe we should put a stop to this.
Nube: Let them be, wife. I believe they can solve this problem on their own.
Another explosion rocks the studio/Main Lounge/eternal battlefield, causing a rather huge piece of masonry over their heads to fall. Acting on pure protective instinct, Nube covers his Yukime with his body and prayed, quick and hard, as a small rockslide buried them alive. That same explosion also knocked Glycine to the ground, as she valiantly tried to bat away not a melon, but a dumbfire rocket swatted aside by an irate Gai. The rocket, as usually happens in anime cases like these, then headed toward the target which could least defend itself against such an attack: in this case, a klutzy, kooky, ex-nun-in-training.
Lobelia: Oh, shit!
Hanabi: (Draws her bow and fires quickly.) Erica's god, if you can hear me now, help one of your devout worshippers!
Coquelicot: Erica-chan!
Orihime: Mio Dios! I can't watch! Let her live, please!
Reni: It is probably beyond our small mortal hands now.
Jemu: Gai, you fool, look what you've done!
Gai: Should I have let myself be hit?
Evang: And if you did? We have the DCA, remember, but she doesn't!
BOS: My, a lot sure happens in two seconds. But there's more to follow. Read on.
The old stories were true, Erica thought. When you are about to meet your Maker, your past flashes back before your eyes. She herself found it odd. She felt at peace, even as she watched the scene of her parents' death, even as Sakura and many others called out to her to get down, to save herself from the missile. All these bounced off her shell of total serenity, as she turned to look at the explosive instrument of death that was hurtling toward her, no more than four feet from her and closing in. It was moving as if it was wading through snow, the ones she remembered from her childhood. Still, she thought, I will be seeing Mama and Papa soon. Just then, a loud, powerful, male voice cried out her name, snapping her out of her trance, at the same instant that a huge black hand, followed by an equally huge red arm, punched through the roof of the SpaceBar. The hand buried itself in the floor in front of her, fingers extended, like a medieval portcullis, only this iron gate had no holes too see out of, nor spaces for the explosion of the rocket to push through and harm anyone behind it. And thanks to this seemingly miraculous act, the fighting stopped.
Tsukurou: Merciful mother of mecha!
The huge hand that protected Erica now pulled itself out of the ground, up and out of the hole in the SpaceBar's ceiling. Those inside cautiously approached the scene and looked up at Erica's savior. Eyes went wide, jaws fell to the floor, a lot of which ached from hitting the hard, polished surface, and Jemu and Evang showed the weirdest reaction: they fell over, the index finger, little finger, and thumb of both hands extended while the middle and ring fingers were folded in, the anime universal symbol of surprise and pain (after hitting your head on the floor).
Sada-chan: If you already knew what they were looking at, congratulations! You ARE OLD! Or you're just a mecha otaku. I assume you'll either be groaning or flat on the floor as well. If not, well... :)
There was no mistake about it. It was a huge, human-shaped robot about 60 meters tall, colored mainly in red and black with yellow and green highlights. It had an elongated head as was standard in kiryoku-powered units, but instead of horns, it had weird "ears". The attention of the onlookers were diverted, however, to the helmeted figure in white who was jumping anime-style from shoulder to elbow the kneeling robot, then letting go to land perfectly balanced onto the roof, or what remained of it. Looking for the place where he had sent in his robot's hand, the pilot saw it and jumped down, making his way to the maiden he had saved.
???: Erica? What happened to your hair? You've cut and dyed it red, it seems. And what's with the nun outfit?
Erica: I thank you for rescuing me, sir, but how is it you know my name?
???: Oh, crap, some of the blast must have gotten through and sent you into amnesia mode again. Sweetheart, it's me, Hitsuya! You know, the one person your brother Richter would never stand for to have as a brother-in-law?
Erica: Brother? I don't have a brother!
Jemu: Ano, excuse me, Mr. Pilot?
Hitsuya: Yes? Can you help me? Get her memory back, that is?
Jemu: I have a question for you first.
Hitsuya: Ask away.
Jemu: You also went by the name of Richard Hartford, did you or did you not?
Hitsuya: In the US release, yeah. Why?
Shinji: Then that means... that robot up there must be...
Moyase moyase makka ni moyase
Ikaru kokoro ni hi o tsukero
Taose taose chikara no kagiri
Omae no karate o misete yare
Kaji: Eh? Where's the music coming from?
Orihime: You call that music?
Gai: Who cares! It's a beautiful song!
Akane iro no azayake
Hi wo abite kirameku kyodai
Manazashi wa mirai o mitsume
Yagate kuru heiwa wo inoru
Tsukurou: It's a glorious anthem of peace! How dare you say disparaging remarks against it! It is a testament to a warrior of justice!
Evang: I have a bad feeling about this...
Yonderu yonderu DAIMOSU DAIMOSU toshou DAIMOSU
Minna ga omae wo yonderu...
Evang: Hate to break this to you, Hitsuya or Kazuya or Richard or whatever it is you call yourself, but truth is, you've got yourself a case of mistaken identity.
Hitsuya: Huh? But I heard from the sound detectors, they were calling for Erica to duck out of the missile's path!
Jemu: True. I'd like to introduce you to Miss Erica Bellefontaine, from 1920s France. Miss Bellefontaine, this is Hitsuya, pilot of Battle Commander Daimos, currently based at the Space Dynamo and protecting this blue Earth from Brahmin invasion. Also happens to be in love with the Brahmin Imperial Princess, who shares a first name with you.
Erica: Hello, Hitsuya-san. I'm glad we have cleared that mess up.
Hitsuya: I- I- I think I need a drink.
Evang: That's what the SpaceBar is for. Now, assuming that you haven't damaged the place so badly, you find a table and a seat and I'll take your order.
Jemu: Hold on. I'm detecting something re-entering Earth's lower atmosphere.
Hitsuya: Brahmin long-range beast machine?
Jemu: No. My scanner says it's smaller. I think I know who it is. Impact in 5 seconds!
Ohgami: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
SPLAT
Ayame: Ouch. That's got to hurt.
Kaede: Ewww. Does anyone have a tissue?
Hitsuya: Is he still alive?
As if in answer to his question, Ohgami groans and flips to his back. His actions are jerky, as if he were controlled by puppet strings. He lies on a pile of debris, gasping for breath.
Ohgami: Please... make... the hurting... stop...
Unfortunately, he landed on the same pile that buried Mr. and Mrs. Nueno Meisuke. As if by a cruel twist of fate, or maybe just because the author is turning into an Ohgami-basher himself, the pile explodes outward, sending debris and Ohgami flying. In its place stood Baki, a dazed but otherwise OK Yukime at his feet.
Baki (Nube in demon form): RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!
Yukime: Oh, stop posturing and help me up, dear.
Nube (reverts back to normal): Oh, sorry, wife. Damn, but that felt good.
Yukime: You really ought to go to that stress management seminar I saw in the paper.
Nube: Can't. We're broke, remember?
Yukime: Oh. I forgot about that. Well, why don't you just have a wrestling match with one of my cousins?
Evang: Yeah, Teach. Bound to be cheaper, than any foolish seminar.
Nube: True. Only thing is, her cousins would only be too glad to have a wrestling match with me. To the death. Then there's that grandfather of hers. Crazy old mountain king.
Ohgami: Me... Medic...
Erica: Oh, dear. I'll be with you, Ohgami-san, as soon as I see to these four.
Sakura: They're coming to! Finally! Go and tend to Glycine and Ohgami-san, Erica, we're alright here.
Erica: Glycine- oh, you're right! (Kneels and brings out her holy water sprinkler.) Glycine, I baptize you in the name of the-
Glycine: I'm downed, not dead. No need to do an emergency baptism yet. And you can put away those mourning clothes, Hanabi, I'm still around to pester you.
Hanabi: For the last time, Glycine, I'm not mourning anymore! I JUST LIKE BLACK!
Glycine: I see you're still in denial stage. Don't worry, we'll get you out of that black cloud, right, Sister?
Hanabi: Mou!! I give up!!!
Meanwhile, Evang has walked over to Ohgami's side after giving Hitsuya a Saint Michael beer. Looking over him as well are Sousuke and Shinji.
Evang: How are you doing, Lieutenant?
Ohgami: What do you think?
Evang: If you can still sound like that, you're probably fine. My guess is a few broken bones, no ruptured organs.
Sousuke: Maybe some shrapnel or debris buried in your hide, but you'll be okay. I think.
Ohgami: You think? (Coughs blood.)
Shinji: Oh, jeez.
Evang: Oh jeez is right. Erica! Get your holy skinny behind over here if you ever want to see Ohgami-san chase after you and your friends again!
Erica: But I want him to chase after me only-
Sakura: (Pulling out her family's holy sword.) Just go over to him and heal him, you ditz! Can't you see he's losing life and blood?
Yurika: Yeah! And don't forget, I'm the official ditz around here!
Akito: (In a stage whisper.) I want to die. My wife is a ditz and is proud of it.
Jemu: That's what you get for marrying a starship captain. Anyone could have told you that you were marrying a space cadet.
Akito: That pun is so bad, I don't even feel like Gekigan Flaring you to oblivion.
Ohgami: You can beat her silly after she's healed me, Sakura. (Coughs up more blood, and maybe some guts to emphasize his point.) Erica? Please, heal me?
Erica: You better make good on your promises if I do so!
Sakura: Promises? What promises? Ohgami-san...!
Hitsuya: Is he, you know- (Makes a generic gesture with his hands, which could mean anything to women but men get the point almost immediately.)
Evang: Yeah. See, he's the leader of an all-female assault squad.
Hitsuya: Really now?
Evang: It used to be two distinct squads, so he had to divide his time and attention between two different teams. As a result, he's got a bunch of really weird relationships with his subordinates.
Hitsuya: And those two? (Pointing to Sakura and Erica with his beer bottle.)
Evang: I don't have all the details, but I think he got himself engaged or something to the one with the sword. Then he got called to work abroad to train and lead a second all-female assault squad, and managed to make the redhead believe that they have a future together.
Hitsuya: Jerk.
Evang: Yeah. Say, you aren't going to drink and drive, are you?
Hitsuya: Heck, no! If drinking and driving is bad for vehicles, how much worse do you think it is for biofeedback-mindtap mecha?
Evang: I'd say Kiryoku from 80-120, and reflexes down by 20% at the least.
Hitsuya: See? I'll just have to call the Space Dynamo and tell them I won't be home until late tonight.
BOS: Sorry to interrupt-
Evang: You can't feel sorry, you're a machine. Go on, what is it?
BOS: I have computed the probability of an automatic DCA upheaval as a result of interacting a new series, however brief it may be.
Evang: And?
Hitsuya: New series? Daimos is rather old, isn't it?
BOS: Relatively speaking, you and your big friend are newcomers to this place. There is a 93.6% chance that some vital, dead character from Hitsuya's aniverse will appear within the next few minutes.
Evang: Argh! And this place is a mess!
Hitsuya: Heh. Heh-heh.
Evang: What?
Hitsuya: Just wondering what Richter would say if he arrived with this place as it is.
Evang: I'm not in the mood to deal with royalty right now, especially not pompous asses of alien blond princes.
Richter: That description wouldn't happen to include me right?
Evang: That was fast. (Sweatdrop.) Greetings your highness. I suppose you're here for the Royal Stately Bad Guys Annual Party?
Richter: I am. (Looks around.) I see women, but they bear the marks of commoners. And what happened here, did you have your mecha beast and beast fighter tournament already? (Eyes fall on Hitsuya.) YOU!!!
Hitsuya: (Grinning wolfishly.) Hello, brother-in-law.
Richter: Don't call me that! I'd rather... say, you are taking good care of my sister, aren't you? Where is she now?
Hitsuya: Well, there's a bit of a problem. It's about image, I think.
Richter: Haha! I knew it! I knew she never should have picked a common lowlife brawler for a husband!
Hitsuya: Do you want to hear this tale or not?
Evang: Come on, do tell. An image thing?
Hitsuya: Well, it's like, her friends here on Earth are married to businessmen and professionals who cruise around town in BMWs, Volvos, Hondas, and what not. And what does she have? (In a falsetto.) Oh, my husband drives a super robot that turns into this really big truck. (Normal voice again.) Not exactly the height of sophistication, isn't it?
Evang: Seems your assessment of the problem was correct, Prince Richter.
Richter: Of course! I am a Brahmin prince, and who better to understand Brahmin royalty?
Evang: Was.
Richter: Did you just call me a wuss? (Draws his saber.)
Evang: Your Highness! I am not in the mood to fight, and furthermore I have no intention of keeping you from your convention anymore. (Gestures to the floor and a set of stairs appear, heading into the bowels of the SpaceBar.) I have heard Zardos boasting to Sharkin and that android guy who hates Combattler V-
Richter: Prince Garuda.
Evang: -That he can defeat anyone in a fight, regardless of special abilities or body parts, using just his horns.
Richter: Why that arrogant son of a goat! I'll show him! (Exit Richter down stairs. Evang heaves a sigh of relief.)
Hitsuya: (Burping.) Oh, excuse me. Say, is there any way I can help with this mess I caused?
Evang: Not if you mind a little manual mech labor. Would you mind if Battle Commander Daimos turned into Bar Cleanup Daimos for a few hours?
Hitsuya: It's the least I can do.
Jemu: You think you can handle it now?
Hitsuya: I think so. I've just had a beer, one beer. I'm still in control.
Jemu: Righto. First priority is to clear the place and sweep the debris away.
Hitsuya: Make sure you evacuate everyone and make sure that everything is bolted or tied down.
Evang: You don't mean-
Hitsuya: I'll have this place cleaned up faster than you can execute a Hissatsu Reppuu Seiken Zuki Kai.
Jemu: (Using a megaphone.) Attention patrons! Please vacate the Main Lounge and transfer to the Wreck Room. Lockdown will begin in five minutes. I say again, please vacate the Main Lounge!
Yukime: Now, what do you suppose this is about?
Yurika: I don't know, but whenever he says things in that manner, its best to follow. The last time he spoke with a megaphone was when we were attacked by Angels.
Yukime: Tenshi?
Just then, a student with spiky hair, clueless face, and what appears to be a human-sized beam saber handle in his hand appears.
???: Eh? How'd I get here? For a moment, I thought someone was calling my name.
Sada-chan: (Popping from a well which had just sprouted.) Ano, Masaki-san, they weren't calling you, they were talking about otherworldly creatures. Creatures not from this plane of existence, from outer space-
Tenchi: Oh. You mean like all those women at my house? Like a couple of grandmothers, one incestuous, the other childlike? Like a pair of cops stuck with a certain space pirate and diminuitive mad scientist?
Shinji: Look, it's Masaki Tenchi! Get him!
Akito: Destroy the progenitor of males getting mobbed to death by women!
Sousuke: Guys, we have to clear the place in two minutes. We have no time to beat up other people.
Tenchi: Huh? No, it wasn't me, it was that other guy with long hair, Saotome! Yeah, that's his name!
Sada-chan: Uh, oh. Angry mob inbound. Better make yourself scarce, Tenchi.
Tenchi: Any ideas?
Sada-chan: How about the portal in my well?
Tenchi: It's as good as one under a flight of stairs, I guess.
So while all this interesting stuff was going on, the rest of the characters not in the previous scene were herded to the Wreck Room thanks to some 'authority' figures, namely Misato, Maria, and Glycine. Meanwhile, Hitsuya was already back inside Daimos, waiting for the signal.
Hitsuya: Ah, what the heck, I already gave them five minutes. Bato-bato sa hangin, tamaan, yari. (Waves his arms around in some weird martial arts gestures.) DOUBLE BLIZZARD!
Daimos' chest opens to reveal the two giant nacelles, and the fans begin to spin and pick up speed. The roaring and howling can be heard from inside the Wreck Room, and intensified as the cyclone entered the Main Lounge and began to pick up bits of masonry, steel, and three brown-haired-
Capt. Hoshino: Idiots.
Ruri: Eh? That was MY line!
Lapis Lazuli: Onee-chan, can you help me up to my room? I think I'm going to be ill.
Capt. Hoshino: Ruriruri, go get a bedpan from under the sink. Talk, Lapis, what's happening to Papa?
Lapis: Remember that amusement park ride where you stand strapped against the inside of a giant, spinning belt?
Capt. H.: Yes.
Lapis: Two and a half times worse. I'd hate to be where Papa is right now.
Akito was having the same sentiments. He kept them to himself, obviously. You try talking while getting whirled around by a tornado strong enough to lift metric tons of weight, while trying not to get brained by flying debris. I dare you.
Akito: (Thinking.) Wait, why am I such an idiot? (Boson Jumps out of the cyclone and into the Wreck Room.) Gah, hah, hah, hah.
Yurika: Akito! (Glomp.) Thank goodness you're alright!
Akito: Yrkkh! Hhh khnnnt grthhhh!
Yurika: Huh? What did you just say?
Akito: (Pulling his head from Yurika's cleavage) I said I couldn't breathe! (Buries his head again.)
Meanwhile, at the Geofront... (!)
Maya: Sir, you are not going to believe this!
Gendo: Try me. You'll be surprised.
Maya: (Sweatdrops as she remembers who she's talking to.) Unit 01 is moving on its own. Again.
Gendo: (Sighs.) Make a note of it, Aoba.
Aoba: Aye, sir. Making a note of it. Unit 01, moves again, without a pilot. Got it.
Hyuuga: Shall I begin the launch sequence, sir?
Gendo: I guess we'd better. Replacing more than a dozen floors of armor plating and bulkheads is going to be a pain in the pocket. Keep a watch on her movements, will you?
Hyuuga: Yessir, Commander.
Back at the Wreck Room...
BOS: Warning! AT Field capable unit launch, detected.
Jemu: Damn! Not another Angel Attack! We only have four Aesti pilots, and no SpaceBar 'Originals'!
Evang: Superweapon power is disconnected, on account of 'renovations.' That's it, we're dead.
BOS: I have it on visual.
A display window materializes, showing a huge purple humanoid figure with a horn approaching the SpaceBar. More specifically, the robot standing near the SpaceBar, who is currently punching at debris being flung up and around by a hurricane.
Jemu: SpaceBar to Daimos. Come in, Hitsuya.
Hitsuya: Daimos here. What's this about? Just give me a few more minutes. Where did all this mess come from?
Jemu: Hammerspace side effect. Listen, you have a berserk technorganic monster headed your way. Suggest you stop the cleanup until you've handed Mr. Ikari over to it and say you're sorry.
Hitsuya: Nani?
Evang: You got a couple of kids trapped inside that hurricane, Hitsuya, and let's just say that the monster is rather protective of one of them.
Hitusya: Copy. But if I stop the cyclone, they'll fall right down, and I'm not sure I can see them amid all this crap.
Jemu: We'll deploy a safety net of sorts to catch our kids. We'll call back when we're ready.
Evang: OK, guest units, you heard the man. We need to catch two boys lost in that wind, and we need to catch them fast. May we rely on your assistance?
Gai: Easy.
Tsukurou: I guess.
Evang: Tenka- OK, I assume from the way you're glomping each other that you'll be unavailable. I guess that means Ohgami-san, Shinguji-san, and Ms. Bellefontaine are out of the roster too.
Ohgami: Thanks for asking, but much as I'd like to help, a couple of people ordered me on the pain of death to stay where I am. Incidentally, any of you ever experienced lying down on a couple of female laps? Best place to be in after an injury, other than an all-female hospital. Hey, which reminds me, I have this great script-
Jemu: I think the medication is kicking in, wouldn't you say? Alright, seconds-in-command, then. Will you assist?
BOS: Unit 01 is in pouncing range! Hitsuya, get into the air!
Hitsuya: Roger that! Jeez, that is one ugly mother!
Bad words. Wrong words. Hearing them, Unit 01's eyes flashed, then burned, with the color of molten amber. Never, ever, diss a woman. Unit 01 wraps her arms around a nearby building, rips off the higher floors and flings them at Daimos. Hitsuya dodges, thanks to the Hirameki seishin.
Hitsuya: Aiiiieeeeeeee!
Gai: ~Here we come to save the day!~
Tsukurou: ~The Gekiganger freaks ~ are in the fray!~
Kaji: I swear, I hope Mrs. Ikari doesn't kill them. That way, I get to do so. This has been one episode of bad songs and music.
Orihime: (Overhearing Kaji.) What, you were expecting Mozart or Beethoven?
Kaji: Weren't you?
Maria: You can bicker later. Your side ready, Glycine?
Glycine: Let's give the word.
Maria & Glycine: Hanagumi, shutsugeki da!
Koubu and Eisenkleid boil out of three of the SpaceBar's sides, some of them jumping on to the roof, those doing so getting a warning from our favorite Russian.
Maria: Make sure you don't get sucked into the tornado, understand?
Kanna: I got it. (Whistles.) Son of a gun, those two are HUGE!
Sumire: Quiet! You might draw its attention toward us!
Kanna: We'd be less noticeable if you stopped hissing, you know.
Glycine: Kirishima-san, Kanzaki-san, focus your attention on the objects in the cyclone. As the two units on the roof, that is your primary responsibility, to call out where the children will fall-
Lobelia: Now he's going to be in some pain!
Everyone turned just in time to see Daimos get pulled down by Unit 01. This caused the Double Blizzard to fail, sending its contents hurtling toward the ground.
Sumire: Get ready, minna!
Gai: GAI SUPER-
Tsukurou: Hold it, cowboy, you might hit the kids!
Gai: But-
Maria: This will be tough, people. We can't destroy the falling debris at range because doing so would risk hitting our objectives.
Glycine: In other words, it's a Dodge-Dodge Rescue Mission.
Coquelicot: Hey, isn't that a game or something?
Kohran: Dear me, she just cracked a joke!
Hanabi: There's hope for you still, Glycine.
Jemu: Well, it does sound like Dance Dance- wait, I can't say it, it'll be copyright infringement!
Evang: Kinda like Campus Big V or something? Heads up, people! I can see Shinji and Sousuke now!
Maria and Glycine rattle of commands to change position and such. Meanwhile, Daimos has managed to kick off Unit 01 form on top of it. The EVA lands on its feet, then pulls out a prog knife. Daimos does a quick recovery and pulls out the Daimoshafts.
Kanna: Got one! Brown hair, spiky!
Jemu: Great! That's Sousuke. Who's got the other one?
Iris: Iris does! He's unconscious, though.
Maria: Excellent work, people.
Tsukurou: SpaceBar, do we move to assist Daimos?
Jemu: Negative. That's Yui Ikari in berserk mode, Geki-guys. Not much a couple of distortion fields can do against an AT FIeld.
Evang: Hitsuya, what's with the Daimoshaft?
Hitsuya: Not enough energy.
Evang: Shit.
Hitsuya: My sentiments exactly.
Maria: Iris?
Iris: Daimos is not a Koubu. Sorry, Iris can't power it up.
Evang: Hanagumi, get back inside and finish the debris clearing. The sooner you finish, the sooner this will be over. Kanna, proceed to sickbay. Iris, try not to get killed out there.
Maria: Understood.
Glycine: You heard him, girls, it's cleanup time.
Hanabi: I'm worried about you, Glycine. Where did the bad puns come from? Or when did they start?
Jemu: Gai, Tsukurou, distract the monster as best as you can, to cover Hitsuya's retreat.
BOS: Koubu have begun cleanup operations. Warning! More mecha detected! They'll be entering the combat zone one series at a time, judging from their speed.
Evang: On screen! Did you say, "series"?
BOS: Yeah. Look, the first series has entered the field now.
Jemu: Yeah, I can tell from the BGM playing.
Sora ni sobieru, kurogane no shiro
Evang: Confirmed. Mashin-type has entered fray.
Gai: Look! Tsukurou! A real Gekigan-type!
Tsukurou: That's impossible! I thought we were the ones who created Gekiganger and the Gekigan-type!
Hitsuya: Kouji! Sayaka! I never thought I'd be so happy to see you and Mazinger Z and Aflodai!
Kouji: (In his usual high-pitched voice) Wow! That monster is huge! Are you sure you need us? You've lasted this far against it.
Sayaka: (Also in a high-pitched voice.) He's low on power and energy, Kouji. He must have been fighting it alone all the while it took us to get here.
Unit 01, noticing the newcomers, gave them a cursory glance. Then it turned its back on Mazinger Z, convinced that the bigger threat was Hitsuya.
Kouji: Hey you! Oo ikaw, wag mo akong maliitin! You're dead, thanks to your turning your back on me!
Jemu: Gai, Tsukurou, evasive action, now. You're about to see a rare treat.
Tsukurou: We are?
Kouji: FAIYAH BURASTAH!!!
Gai & Tsukurou: WOW! GEKIGAN BEAM!
The wave of flame crashes into the AT Field, engulfing the EVA in a globe of fire. It roars in anger, or in pain perhaps.
Sayaka: Hitsuya, I'm refilling your energy tanks now!
Hitsuya: (Takes a deep breath and screams at the top of his lungs.) HISSTASU! REPPUU! SEIKEN! ZUKI! KAI!
BOS: Kiryoku up to 150. This is it, people.
Kohran: Ano, we're done here. Now what?
Jemu: Reconnecting superweapon energy supply-
Evang: Our electric bill is going to be horrid after this.
Jemu: Done! Particle cannon ready to fire!
Hitsuya: FREEZER STORM!!
Daimos' "ears" aim toward the ball of fire and release twin lances of ice. The AT Field, unaccustomed to the sudden change in attack temperature, gives way, and the EVA begins to be encased in a sheath of ice. Realizing this, Kouji cuts of his Fire Blaster. Even after doing so, the air around Mazinger Z still shimmers, the way it does over a boiling kettle. Soon, the EVA is totally trapped beneath cold crystal.
Evang: Iris? Go walk to Hitsuya-san, and ask to be lifted up.
Iris. Okay. Iris can do that. (Teleports onto Daimos' shoulder.)
Evang: Now for the tricky part. Hitsuya, can you melt just the head portion?
Hitsuya: I'll try. (Whispering.) Fire Blizzard.
Spurts of flame lick at the top of the frozen mound, melting away the ice surrounding Unit 01's head. Immediately, the creature shrieks, causing Iris, still carrying Shinji, to lose her balance and fall, into Daimos' palm.
Iris: Thank you, onii-chan.
Jemu: Now, for the apology, Hitsuya.
Hitsuya: Aww. Do I have to?
Kouji: Does he? I mean, Shinobu, Sara, and the rest of the Dancougar team should be here shortly, not to mention those flimsy, lightweight Heavy Metals. All three of them.
Evang: Wait a god-darned minute! What is this supposed to be, "Love's Whereabouts"?!
Sayaka: Nah. You don't see a Geshpentz Personal Trooper anywhere, now, do you?
Hitsuya: Could be. I was looking for Erica earlier, remember?
Jemu: If you're going to apologize, do it now, Hitsuya. I don't think that ice attack of yours is going to hold Mrs. Ikari much longer.
Hitsuya: Alright. (Extends his hand, the one where Iris and Shinji are on, toward the thawing EVA.) Sorry about getting your son caught up in my Double Blizzard, Mrs. Ikari. It was an accident. And I'm sorry I called you an ugly mother earlier.
Iris: See? Shinji-san is okay.
Back inside the Wreck Room...
Nube: Is this negotiation thing going to take longer?
Jemu: Bored already?
Nube: Now that you mention it, yeah. Got anything to do here?
Jemu: Well, I just got an art film that I think you and Yukime would enjoy. It's entitled "Shiroi Kisetsu."
Yukime: "Season of White?"
Jemu: It's good. It's part mystery, part comedy, part romance, part horror story or fairy tale, and it's not suitable for minors to boot.
Yukime: You mean it's-
Nube: Great! Where's the AV equipment?
Evang: Sorry about your accidental appearance here, Masaki-san. Weird shit like that always happens around here.
Tenchi: That's OK. I'm used to weird shit. I live in a house of sex-crazed alien women, remember? Compared to that, seeing robots small and giant-sized is a nice change of pace.
Evang: Thanks. So, Sada-chan's well didn't freak you out or anything?
Tenchi: It's a little dark, that's all.
Suddenly the lights flicker, then go back to full strength.
Tenchi: The hell?
Evang: BOS?
BOS: Sorry about that. I just turned off the cannon, and with the VR application being used in the sim room, I think that was to be expected.
Evang: Who's in the sim room?
BOS: Sousuke, the girls, the Tenkawas, and a three-some from the rocking 20s.
Tenchi: Uh, sim room? VR?
Evang: Say, why don't you try it, Tenchi? BOS, what's running anyway?
BOS: The last time I checked, they were on board the Nadesico-A. Now, they're- wait, ah, yes- now, they're in a high-school sim.
Tenchi: Thanks, I'll pass.
BOS: Oh, but they change programs every 15 minutes or so. They claim to be browsing through my extensive environment collection. You can always complain to the others if youd don't like the current simulation.
Evang: True. I suspect that the high school was Asuka's idea of culture shock treatment for Ichiro, Sakura, and Erica.
BOS: Bound to be. Check out these parameters! Hanky-panky level, max; skirt lengths, short; blouse range, form-fittting AND low-cut.
Tenchi: The hell? How's that supposed to look like?
Evang: Why don't you go and see for yourself?
The doors open, and the team that sortied walk in.
Jemu: Took you guys long enough. Where's Shinji?
Gai: Oh, he and his, uh, mother are spending some quality time together.
Kaji: Probably giving him a talk on the birds and bees.
Jemu: I see. And you, Sagara? You OK?
Sousuke: So far.
Maria: Where's everyone?
Evang: If it's Ohgami you're looking for, he's in the Virtual Reality room. Probably chasing more skirts in 21st century France or something.
Kohran: Virtual reality? What's that?
Jemu: It's like your Koubu fighting simulator/ practice/monitoring equipment, but you're not just stuck to Koubu; you could be anywhere, be anything.
Kohran: Sounds interesting.
Lobelia: Wherever and whoever, huh? Sounds like fun.
Jemu: It is. But don't take my word for it. Want to give it a spin? Door's that way (points to it) and once in, the computer will tell you what to do.
Lobelia was off, taking an equally eager Coquelicot with her. Kohran and Kanna went along as well, leaving Reni and Orihime debating on the merits of this particular outing.
Orihime: I could ask for a 21st century opera house, right?
Reni: Present this one with unlimited opportunities, and she asks for an opera house. Really, some people have no sense of adventure or creativity.
Orihime: Present company not excluded.
Reni: I didn't hear that. So, Iris, are you coming along too?
Iris: Iris doesn't know-
Jemu: Go on, it will be fun, since Ichiro and Sakura are already inside. Along with some other people.
Reni: And if you go, I'll go as well. That way, I don't have to be stuck listening to fat Italian singers.
Orihime: (Cuffs Reni over the head.) Hey!
Iris: Okay! Iris will go with Reni!
Jemu: Good! It's settled, then. Off you go, and remember, you can run different programs simultaneously. I'm sure BOS can handle it.
With that, the three were heading for the VR room as well. Which left...
Glycine: Hey, Sumire, want to have a sparring match with me?
Sumire: I wouldn't want to hurt you, or your Koubu, if that's what you're after.
Glycine: As if I'd let you. (Turns to Jemu.) You can run combat environments, yes?
Jemu: Where do you want to fight? Around an Egyptian pyramid, Amazon rainforest, knee-deep in the Russian taiga? Just say the word.
Maria: In that case, how about we make it a paired match? I'll provide long-range support for Sumire, and Hanabi can do the same for you, Glycine.
Glycine: Sounds good. What do you say, Hanabi, do you think you're up to it?
Hanabi: Please. That little dodge-the-boulder earlier made me so drowsy. I think I could use a little exercise.
Jemu: Right, then. You can finalize the details in the VR room itself. Enjoy yourselves!
Glycine: Something tells me I will.
Sumire: Strange, but I feel the same too.
Both of them grin at each other as they sashay toward the VR chamber. Hanabi looks askance at Maria, who just lifts an eyebrow as if to say, "I know as much about it as you do." They disappear through the door just as the super robot pilots come in, led by Hitsuya and Kouji.
Tsukurou: Hello there! I believe you're the pilot of that Gekigan-type earlier, right?
Kouji: Gekigan-type? Hey, Hitusya, what's he talking about?
Hitsuya: Damned if I know.
Evang: He meant your "slightly" modified Mazinger Z. Since when did it start to have the Fire Blaster as its main weaponry?
Kouji: It was Grampa's crazy idea. It was like a sauna in there while I was using it. I'm gonna ask Gramps to install AC the next time I see him.
Sayaka: Can somebody explain what this Gekigan-business is all about?
Tsukurou: It started out as a manga that we Jovians clung to when we were exiled from Earth. It became almost a religion to us. I think the designer for our military forces was a Gekignager otaku, so instead of a heavy destroyer ship design, he came up with a real-life version of the manga robot.
Kouji: And it just happened to resemble Mazinger Z, right?
Tsukurou: Yes indeed. I should show you the cockpit of my Gekigan-type, Daitetsujin.
Gai: It's so funny! All the weapons are voice activated, so that enemies won't be able to do much with it even if it were captured!
Kouji: But won't voice recorders be able to fool it?
Tsukurou: I don't know. I haven't tried it. Although it does raise a point. What if I have a sore throat or something? It's worth investigating.
Shinji: Well, see you, mom. I'll be good, I promise.
Unit 01: SCREECH
Shinji: And I promise not to give you grandkids until I'm 18. Especially not with your clone.
Unit 01: LOW SNARL
Shinji: Well, you could wait for the ice to melt. Just kidding, mom. I'll see what I can do. AT field won't work, huh?
Unit 01: LONG SCREECH translated as: If it did, I wouldn't still be here now, would I?
Shinji: I know mom, sorry I asked. I'll ask those other robot pilots with fire attacks for help. Be back in a flash, mom.
Shinji walks into the spanking clean Main Lounge, only to find it empty. Save for the Full Metal Panic kids. Sousuke catches Shinji's glance and gives him a one of his own that said: "If you tell anyone how much I'm getting fussed over by these two, I will deny all of it. Then I'm going to climb into your bedroom and kill you in your sleep."
Shinji: Hey there. Where're the others?
Kaname: They're in the Wreck Room. It's the-
Shinji: I know. The entertainment center of the house.
Sada-chan: Psst. Jemu!
Jemu: Huh-what?
Sada-chan: I think we better get rid of the Super Robot Wars people ASAP.
Jemu: But why? They just got here!
Sada-chan: With them and the Aestivalis here, it wouldn't be such a big leap to point this place out as a possible Londo Bell safehouse. And the Evangelion parked outside isn't exactly to scare crows with, right? Would you like GUESTs, DCs, and who knows what else to drop in?
Jemu: Oh, all right. (Walks over to where the three Super Robot pilots are doing some catching up over drinks.) That's a real nice overhaul job you have, Kouji.
Kouji: Thanks! It still needs better heat dissipation, though.
Hitsuya: Know a place nearby where we can upgrade our mecha?
Jemu: (Recalls the SpaceBar's hangar but decides not to tell them about it.) Well, there's Big Falcon. They're bound to return from Bozania anyday now. Or there's the Saotome laboratory.
Shinji: (Walking in and overhearing the last.) Is this the guy that gets chased by males AND females all the time?
Jemu: Might be an uncle or something. Heck, I really don't know.
Tsukurou: TROUBLE!!!
Jemu: What?!!
Kaji: Look, up in the sky!
Gai: Is it a bird?
Sada-chan: Is it a plane?
Evang: Why are we so idiotic at times? BOS, on screen!
BOS: Humans. Feh.
What appears to be an episode of Super Robot Demolition Derby appears. The people gathered at the bar stare at the screen in interest.
Gai: Look at that robot in the lead! It's fast!
Kaji: It's not fast, it's scared. See how much damage it's taken?
Tsukurou: Is it me, or does the lead robot look like a Gekiganger 3 clone?
Jemu: Make that an ugly-looking beat-up Gekiganger 3 clone.
Sada-chan: Shhh! They're bringing in the audio now.
"This is for stealing my robot's face, AND the SWORD! THUNDER BREAK!!!"
Kouji: Hey, that's Tetsuya!
Gai: Tetsuya? I don't know any Gekiganger pilot named Tetsuya.
Kouji: He's the one that's chasing the lead robot, the one with the sword out.
Tsukurou: You mean that isn't Gekiganger in second position?
Gekiganger dodges. The screen is split into three as the Gekiganger pilots exchange anxieties on air.
#1 Spiky-haired, short-tempered pilot (caption as seen on screen) Ken: Shit! That was close! I say we about face and fire back!
#2 Long-haired, "cool as a cucumber pilot" Joe: Just what I expected from an idiot like you.
Pilot #1: What did you just say!?
#3 Overweight, peacekeeper pilot Akira: Hey, you two, look out, there's more of them coming toward us!
A silver and white robot bursts out of the ground, drill first, and flies up into the air. There is a flash, and the robot separates into three aircraft, only to fly in a line and form-
Sayaka: It's Getta Robo!
Getta machine #2 pilot, Hayato (who bares a striking resemblance to Joe): Getta change, switch ON!
Getta machine #3 pilot, Benkai (who bares a striking resemblance to Akira): Uh, this is for stealing our three planes combine to one kick-ass robot concept, yeah!
Getta-1 brings out the dreaded-
Getta machine #1 pilot, Ryouma (who bares a striking resemblance to Ken): TOMAHAWK BOOMREANG!!!!!!!!
And throws it at the Super Clone flying toward it. As if by some quirk of fate, Gekiganger manages to dodge again and the flying blade is deflected by the Great Mazinger's sword.
Tetsuya: Watch it, Ryouma!
Ryouma: Oops.
Then, from out of nowhere, a boyish voice cries out: "Aren't you guys old enough to drop numbers from the name of your show?"
Ken: Don't tell me you're going to take issue with that as well?
???: Okay, we won't. MOON ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!
A rather large (70-meter tall) orange and blue robot drops from cloud cover, energy flowing from its clenched fists to the glowing golden crescent on its head. A few second later, sickle shaped constructs of energy spiral out from the robot toward the so far lucky Gekiganger 3.
Shinji: Uh, Bishoujo Mobile Suit Zambot-3?
Evang: That's right, you're too young to remember. It wasn't too popular either. That, dear boy, is Muteki Chojin Zambot-3. Zambot 3 for short.
The sickle-shaped beams home in on Gekiganger and seem to freeze it in mid-air. Getta-1 and Great Mazinger, sensing a helpless target, quickly dash in for the kill. But before they could get in swinging range...
Ken: Kisama! Joe, Akira, GEKIGA OUT!!!
Akira: We can move faster if we're separated! Good idea, Ken!
Joe: We'll also die faster if we get hit.
Ken: Big "if".
Deep male voice: Did someone say, "big"?
The screen images darken as something blocks out the sun.
Ken: Please, don't be another original we ripped off!
Joe: We're sorry!
Akira: We'll even send you some sushi, just don't hurt us!
Deep voice: Sushi!? Raw, uncooked, FISH!!!???? The gall!!! I hate fish! I nearly died once because of some bad fish I ate and was not able to pilot Daitarn 3! And you three jerks even had the temerity to put in a "Sick because of bad fish" episode as well! I, Haran Banjo, will punish you with the power of the sun! SUN ATTACK!!!
Hitsuya (or Kazuya): I don't understand why Banjo's so pissed off. It's just an episode, for crying out loud.
Jemu: I believe Gekiganger 3 has an episode where the enemy is like rubber and they first had to freeze it with their storm attack... what was it called?
Sousuke: Gekigan Cyclone.
Jemu: Thanks- hey, what are you doing here?
Sousuke: I felt I was getting undercut in air time, so I decided to make an appearance.
Hitsuya (or Kazuya): The bastards!!! "Rubber Armor Episode!" I'll show them a real storm attack! (Rises from the table.)
Kouji: Mind if we tag along?
Kazuya: Just don't get in my way. (Heads for the door.)
Kouji moves to follow, and with a shake of her head and a muttered "Men" Sayaka followed suit. Meanwhile, the screen is showing the comparative height of the robots in the field, and Gekiganger is at the bottom of the pile. Still being small helped it dodge Daitarn-3's Sun Attack. Upon reaching the parking lot and climbing into their respective mecha, Sayaka discovers a slight problem.
Sayaka: Kouji, Aflodai can't fly!!!
Kouji: No problem.
Mazinger Z lands behind Aflodai, who is standing beside a still frozen EVA popsicle. The sheer difference in heights between Dr. Kabuto's creation and Dr. Ikari's wife is hilarious. Before Sayaka could ask, Mazinger Z wraps both its arms around Aflodai's torso.
Sayaka: Kouji noo... BAAKAAAAA!!! (Starts twisting and flailing.)
Kouji: Hold still! I'm not doing anything ecchi! Am I, Kazuya?
Kazuya: If your mecha had advanced biofeedback and mindlinks, it would have been.
Unit 01: SNARRRL!!
Kazuya: Yes, I meant you and your kind, Mrs. Ikari.
Kouji: Agh! That's it! SUPAA RASHI!
Mazinger Z, still clutching Aflodai's Photo-Atomic Mammary Missiles (TM), is hurled into the air by rocket propulsion. Such was the strength that the resulting backblast melted the ice around Unit 01 and reminded Kazuya to fly off in chase of the cursed fiends.
SpaceBar permanents: ~FAITO! Toki wo koe tanaka o senshi! Yuku ze SUPAA ROBOTTO WA-~
Evang: Stop! Copyright infringement!!!
Sada-chan: Isn't that the English translation of Gekiganger?
THE END???
by Jemu Nekketsu
DISCLAIMER: Don't own them, and never will. Except for BOS, Evang, Jemu, and Sada-chan.
Evil Author's Note: This chapter marks my return to the script format of writing. Or maybe it is another mixed script-novel type. I really don't know, but if it bugs you, bahala ka. Series mangled so far are Evangelion, Nadesico, Sakura Taisen (Game and Anime), Full Metal Panic, and even Hell Teacher Nube wasn't spared from the horror. But then again, Nube gets horror everyday, if not from monsters, then from his wife's cooking. (Is that miso icicle soup I smell?)
Akito: Kinda like my wife's efforts in the kitchen.
Nube: At least your wife improves. She will get them right, eventually. With mine, it's a miracle to get thawed sushi.
Jemu: Why do you even eat? Aren't you immortal already?
Nube: That immortality bit just means I won't age, or at least my aging will slow down to match Yukime's.
Jemu: Assuming she does age.
Ohgami: How do you handle it? Living with a nature spirit, a snow lady, even!
Nube: You get used to it. The sex was bad at first. The guy who said "There are no frigid women, only inept men" obviously discounted marrying ice princesses. No pun intended.
Jemu: Hate to be a party-pooper, but that's not exactly sage advice these two should be hearing about women and relationships.
The two were a couple of brown-haired high-school boys/mecha pilots/ total nerds who happened to be sharing the bar with the older folk. Note on older, not mature, folk.
Shinji: If I wanted sage advice, I'd have asked Kaji-san to appear.
Sousuke: You know what they say: sage advice isn't.
Shinji: You're right!
Shinji raises his mug of rootbeer and clinks it with Sousuke's. Both proceed to gulp down their softdrinks.
Jemu: Hey, wait a minute, what does bring you back to this place, Tenkawa?
Akito: As if you didn't know! FYI, I just had to get away from all the women at my household. Especially with all these weird sensations I've been feeling lately.
Jemu: Define weird. Weird, as in, suicidal? Like wanting to eat your wife's cooking?
Behind the camera and lights...
Yurika: Yamete! Darn it, Evang-san, that has to be the most-abused joke in the history of your works! Blue-haired women and bad cooking!!!
Misato: Yeah! I object!!!
Yukime: It isn't my fault if water freezes whenever I'm around!
Shinji: (From the set.) You don't see me harping about my always running away getting used as the butt of jokes!
Sousuke: And me getting typecasted as "brown hair = jerk!"
Evang: (Blows a whistle.) Settle down people. We've got a ways to go. Lemme get this straight, you don't approve of the script, am I right?
Fujieda Ayame: That's right. Too many old jokes and stereotypes. The producers demand something "worth spending their dough on."
Evang: What the-? Ayame? Aren't you like, you know, pushing up daisies, which is why your sister Kaede replaced you?
Kaede: Actually, I'd like to know about that too. Not that I'm displeased with your presence, onee-chan.
Ohgami catches a familiar face in the sidelines, his attention diverted by all the shouting going on.
Ohgami: Ayame-san! (Rushes out of the scene and into the sidelines, where he is promptly sent up into the ceiling by Ayame's and Kaede's uppercuts.
Ayame: Jerk! Lusting after my baby sister just because I died!
Kaede: Asshole! Hitting on me just because my sister and I share the same hair color and surname!
Jemu: (Sweatdrops.) Alright! Camera-bots, cut scene and reset to beginning. We're taking a break!
Nube: This is not an auspicicous beginning. Maybe I should purify the area of negative energy first.
Shinji: Who invited them over in the first place?
Sousuke: Maybe I should bestow a final kiss on each of you. This looks like something that we might not get out of alive.
Shinji: You don't get off with these ritual lip-lockings, do you?
Sousuke: What's 'get off'? Is it the same as disembark?
Thirty minutes later...
BOS: I would like to inform you that we have two new arrivals on board the SpaceBar. One will be a resident of the DCA, while the other is just here for an extended visit.
Jemu: Great. And where was this notification earlier?
BOS: Sorry. But my sorceress/thief was already at level 8, and the skills and character tracking were-
Evang: I told you no playing of RP games when we're at work!
Nube: We have a problem, you three.
3 Self-inserts: WHAT!?
Nube: Looks like Ohgami's out of the picture for a while.
Evang: Naze?
Shinji: Well, when the Ohgami Kagekidan found out about old taichou's "unhealthy feelings" toward his superior officers, well, they weren't too pleased about it.
And somewhere far away, in the land of Ohgami-bashers, there was much dancing and rejoicing. Another blow for the cause has been struck! Oh, sorry about that. Now, back to our regular programming.
Jemu: Great. Just bloody great! Where are we going to get a replacement-
Out of nowhere, three blurs appear, ninja-style, and land in front of Jemu. Immediately, they begin striking poses no sane sentai fan could bear to see.
???1: We have heard of your need!
???2: We understand the necessity!
???3: We shall solve your problem!
???: WE ARE THE... (more crazy poses) DEDU SU-RIIII!!! [Dead 3] YUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOH! tung tung tung tung tung tung tung tung tung...
Kaede: (Claps her hands.) Wow! That's amazing!
Jemu: Oh, it's just Kaji, Gai, and Shiratori-san. The Dead 3. Otherwise known as the SpaceBar's version of the Bara-gumi.
At this, Kaede and Ayame begin to laugh uncontrollably. Soon, Jemu joins them, and upon finding out what Jemu said, Evang roars out as well. The Dead 3 just stand there and peer quizically at them.
Ayame: You're kidding, right? You have your own Bara-gumi? Hahahahahaha!
Kaji: Rose Division? What the hell is that?
Kaede: Do you really want to know?
Kaji: Sure, do pretty lady. Enlighten us poor folks, please.
Kaede proceeds with her explanation on the Bara-gumi. About their beautiful yet male appearance, their rather 'gentle' ways, and the way they're usually locked up, er, kept in the basement. Shock, horror, then finally rage register in the eyes of the Dead 3. They set their sights on Jemu.
Kaji: You will die this day!
Gai: Gai Super NAPALM!!!
Tsukurou: Gekigan KIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!
The bystanders quickly scatter as the Dead 3 attack our friendly neighborhood techno-fiend. Jemu quickly fires his hidden jetpacks and flies up, out of range from Gai and Tsukurou. Kaji tosses what appears to be a watermelon toward Jemu's head, and seeing it, Jemu just slides a few feet to the side. Suddenly, the melon explodes with the force of a car bomb, sending him out of the sky. Tsukurou and Gai quickly take advantage of this opportunity and rush him as he falls.
Akito: So, Gai and Tsukurou have nekketsu chi-based attacks-
Shinji: But what did Kaji just do?
Evang: Let's ask. BOS, get this on tape. Hey Kaji, what did you just do?
Kaji: That was called melokinesis, my friend. But I haven't forgotten about you!! Here, catch!
Kaji tosses another watermelon, this time toward Evang. Evang just sends a flare at it. and it explodes far away from him.
Sousuke: Damn! Why do these things keep happening whenever I try to do something that seems like fun?
Shinji: Starring in a sitcom is your idea of fun?
Sousuke: It was a sitcom? I thought it was a drama!
The battle rages on. Kaname and Tessa slink away from Sousuke after hearing those words.
Kaname: And we're fighting over him?
Tessa: It's almost enough to make a girl consider homosexuality.
Asuka: Almost? Girls are more fun! They last longer, and you get to compare what she likes to what you like! Right, Rei-chan?
Rei: Don't knock it until you've tried it.
Kaname: Is this the designated table where the girlfriends of the actors are supposed to hide behind when something like this breaks out?
Asuka: Be thankful that it's just the four of us behind this table. The Ohgami harem needed two buffet tables, and that's just for the Japanese components.
Rei: Another table had to be commandeered for the French women.
Iris: Onee-chan, what's a harem?
Sakura: (Blushing.) Ah, well, it's- Iris! Where did you hear such a thing!?
Sumire: No need to get so indignant about it, Sakura. But I guess it's to be expected of you. A harem is-
Kanna: Listen to her well, Iris. She REALLY KNOWS what she's talking about.
Sumire: (Standing up, hands on her hips.) And what's that supposed to mean, you manly monkey woman?
Kanna: Manly? (Standing up as well.) If you were manly as well to be not beneath my notice I'd have clobbered you into the ceiling already!
Maria: Stop it, you two! Get behind the table now!
She stands to pull Kanna down, and Kohran takes the cue and tries to do the same with Sumire. A stray fruitbomb flies toward them, and as they watch in horror, Evang rips it apart with a fireblast. The resulting explosion knocks the four out cold.
Sada-chan: And the moral of the story is, "When someone is lobbing explosives and someone can shoot them down, it's still not safe to be without cover." Now back to the fight. Or do you wanna see my beautiful face? No? Oh, well. (A well appears and she hops down into it.)
Erica: Oh no, they're hurt! I've got to help them!
Lobelia: Are you insane? You just saw what a stray melon bomb did, or didn't you!
Erica: But-
Glycine: (Pulling an axe from hammerspace.) It's alright. I'll cover you.
Hanabi: Don't tell me you're going to swat away any melons with that.
Glycine: Okay. I won't tell you. Come on, Sister, let's go. Lobelia, Hanabi, Coquelicot, stay down, clear?
Coquelicot: Crystal. Good luck, Glycine-chan.
Yukime: Husband, this is getting out of hand. Maybe we should put a stop to this.
Nube: Let them be, wife. I believe they can solve this problem on their own.
Another explosion rocks the studio/Main Lounge/eternal battlefield, causing a rather huge piece of masonry over their heads to fall. Acting on pure protective instinct, Nube covers his Yukime with his body and prayed, quick and hard, as a small rockslide buried them alive. That same explosion also knocked Glycine to the ground, as she valiantly tried to bat away not a melon, but a dumbfire rocket swatted aside by an irate Gai. The rocket, as usually happens in anime cases like these, then headed toward the target which could least defend itself against such an attack: in this case, a klutzy, kooky, ex-nun-in-training.
Lobelia: Oh, shit!
Hanabi: (Draws her bow and fires quickly.) Erica's god, if you can hear me now, help one of your devout worshippers!
Coquelicot: Erica-chan!
Orihime: Mio Dios! I can't watch! Let her live, please!
Reni: It is probably beyond our small mortal hands now.
Jemu: Gai, you fool, look what you've done!
Gai: Should I have let myself be hit?
Evang: And if you did? We have the DCA, remember, but she doesn't!
BOS: My, a lot sure happens in two seconds. But there's more to follow. Read on.
The old stories were true, Erica thought. When you are about to meet your Maker, your past flashes back before your eyes. She herself found it odd. She felt at peace, even as she watched the scene of her parents' death, even as Sakura and many others called out to her to get down, to save herself from the missile. All these bounced off her shell of total serenity, as she turned to look at the explosive instrument of death that was hurtling toward her, no more than four feet from her and closing in. It was moving as if it was wading through snow, the ones she remembered from her childhood. Still, she thought, I will be seeing Mama and Papa soon. Just then, a loud, powerful, male voice cried out her name, snapping her out of her trance, at the same instant that a huge black hand, followed by an equally huge red arm, punched through the roof of the SpaceBar. The hand buried itself in the floor in front of her, fingers extended, like a medieval portcullis, only this iron gate had no holes too see out of, nor spaces for the explosion of the rocket to push through and harm anyone behind it. And thanks to this seemingly miraculous act, the fighting stopped.
Tsukurou: Merciful mother of mecha!
The huge hand that protected Erica now pulled itself out of the ground, up and out of the hole in the SpaceBar's ceiling. Those inside cautiously approached the scene and looked up at Erica's savior. Eyes went wide, jaws fell to the floor, a lot of which ached from hitting the hard, polished surface, and Jemu and Evang showed the weirdest reaction: they fell over, the index finger, little finger, and thumb of both hands extended while the middle and ring fingers were folded in, the anime universal symbol of surprise and pain (after hitting your head on the floor).
Sada-chan: If you already knew what they were looking at, congratulations! You ARE OLD! Or you're just a mecha otaku. I assume you'll either be groaning or flat on the floor as well. If not, well... :)
There was no mistake about it. It was a huge, human-shaped robot about 60 meters tall, colored mainly in red and black with yellow and green highlights. It had an elongated head as was standard in kiryoku-powered units, but instead of horns, it had weird "ears". The attention of the onlookers were diverted, however, to the helmeted figure in white who was jumping anime-style from shoulder to elbow the kneeling robot, then letting go to land perfectly balanced onto the roof, or what remained of it. Looking for the place where he had sent in his robot's hand, the pilot saw it and jumped down, making his way to the maiden he had saved.
???: Erica? What happened to your hair? You've cut and dyed it red, it seems. And what's with the nun outfit?
Erica: I thank you for rescuing me, sir, but how is it you know my name?
???: Oh, crap, some of the blast must have gotten through and sent you into amnesia mode again. Sweetheart, it's me, Hitsuya! You know, the one person your brother Richter would never stand for to have as a brother-in-law?
Erica: Brother? I don't have a brother!
Jemu: Ano, excuse me, Mr. Pilot?
Hitsuya: Yes? Can you help me? Get her memory back, that is?
Jemu: I have a question for you first.
Hitsuya: Ask away.
Jemu: You also went by the name of Richard Hartford, did you or did you not?
Hitsuya: In the US release, yeah. Why?
Shinji: Then that means... that robot up there must be...
Moyase moyase makka ni moyase
Ikaru kokoro ni hi o tsukero
Taose taose chikara no kagiri
Omae no karate o misete yare
Kaji: Eh? Where's the music coming from?
Orihime: You call that music?
Gai: Who cares! It's a beautiful song!
Akane iro no azayake
Hi wo abite kirameku kyodai
Manazashi wa mirai o mitsume
Yagate kuru heiwa wo inoru
Tsukurou: It's a glorious anthem of peace! How dare you say disparaging remarks against it! It is a testament to a warrior of justice!
Evang: I have a bad feeling about this...
Yonderu yonderu DAIMOSU DAIMOSU toshou DAIMOSU
Minna ga omae wo yonderu...
Evang: Hate to break this to you, Hitsuya or Kazuya or Richard or whatever it is you call yourself, but truth is, you've got yourself a case of mistaken identity.
Hitsuya: Huh? But I heard from the sound detectors, they were calling for Erica to duck out of the missile's path!
Jemu: True. I'd like to introduce you to Miss Erica Bellefontaine, from 1920s France. Miss Bellefontaine, this is Hitsuya, pilot of Battle Commander Daimos, currently based at the Space Dynamo and protecting this blue Earth from Brahmin invasion. Also happens to be in love with the Brahmin Imperial Princess, who shares a first name with you.
Erica: Hello, Hitsuya-san. I'm glad we have cleared that mess up.
Hitsuya: I- I- I think I need a drink.
Evang: That's what the SpaceBar is for. Now, assuming that you haven't damaged the place so badly, you find a table and a seat and I'll take your order.
Jemu: Hold on. I'm detecting something re-entering Earth's lower atmosphere.
Hitsuya: Brahmin long-range beast machine?
Jemu: No. My scanner says it's smaller. I think I know who it is. Impact in 5 seconds!
Ohgami: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
SPLAT
Ayame: Ouch. That's got to hurt.
Kaede: Ewww. Does anyone have a tissue?
Hitsuya: Is he still alive?
As if in answer to his question, Ohgami groans and flips to his back. His actions are jerky, as if he were controlled by puppet strings. He lies on a pile of debris, gasping for breath.
Ohgami: Please... make... the hurting... stop...
Unfortunately, he landed on the same pile that buried Mr. and Mrs. Nueno Meisuke. As if by a cruel twist of fate, or maybe just because the author is turning into an Ohgami-basher himself, the pile explodes outward, sending debris and Ohgami flying. In its place stood Baki, a dazed but otherwise OK Yukime at his feet.
Baki (Nube in demon form): RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!
Yukime: Oh, stop posturing and help me up, dear.
Nube (reverts back to normal): Oh, sorry, wife. Damn, but that felt good.
Yukime: You really ought to go to that stress management seminar I saw in the paper.
Nube: Can't. We're broke, remember?
Yukime: Oh. I forgot about that. Well, why don't you just have a wrestling match with one of my cousins?
Evang: Yeah, Teach. Bound to be cheaper, than any foolish seminar.
Nube: True. Only thing is, her cousins would only be too glad to have a wrestling match with me. To the death. Then there's that grandfather of hers. Crazy old mountain king.
Ohgami: Me... Medic...
Erica: Oh, dear. I'll be with you, Ohgami-san, as soon as I see to these four.
Sakura: They're coming to! Finally! Go and tend to Glycine and Ohgami-san, Erica, we're alright here.
Erica: Glycine- oh, you're right! (Kneels and brings out her holy water sprinkler.) Glycine, I baptize you in the name of the-
Glycine: I'm downed, not dead. No need to do an emergency baptism yet. And you can put away those mourning clothes, Hanabi, I'm still around to pester you.
Hanabi: For the last time, Glycine, I'm not mourning anymore! I JUST LIKE BLACK!
Glycine: I see you're still in denial stage. Don't worry, we'll get you out of that black cloud, right, Sister?
Hanabi: Mou!! I give up!!!
Meanwhile, Evang has walked over to Ohgami's side after giving Hitsuya a Saint Michael beer. Looking over him as well are Sousuke and Shinji.
Evang: How are you doing, Lieutenant?
Ohgami: What do you think?
Evang: If you can still sound like that, you're probably fine. My guess is a few broken bones, no ruptured organs.
Sousuke: Maybe some shrapnel or debris buried in your hide, but you'll be okay. I think.
Ohgami: You think? (Coughs blood.)
Shinji: Oh, jeez.
Evang: Oh jeez is right. Erica! Get your holy skinny behind over here if you ever want to see Ohgami-san chase after you and your friends again!
Erica: But I want him to chase after me only-
Sakura: (Pulling out her family's holy sword.) Just go over to him and heal him, you ditz! Can't you see he's losing life and blood?
Yurika: Yeah! And don't forget, I'm the official ditz around here!
Akito: (In a stage whisper.) I want to die. My wife is a ditz and is proud of it.
Jemu: That's what you get for marrying a starship captain. Anyone could have told you that you were marrying a space cadet.
Akito: That pun is so bad, I don't even feel like Gekigan Flaring you to oblivion.
Ohgami: You can beat her silly after she's healed me, Sakura. (Coughs up more blood, and maybe some guts to emphasize his point.) Erica? Please, heal me?
Erica: You better make good on your promises if I do so!
Sakura: Promises? What promises? Ohgami-san...!
Hitsuya: Is he, you know- (Makes a generic gesture with his hands, which could mean anything to women but men get the point almost immediately.)
Evang: Yeah. See, he's the leader of an all-female assault squad.
Hitsuya: Really now?
Evang: It used to be two distinct squads, so he had to divide his time and attention between two different teams. As a result, he's got a bunch of really weird relationships with his subordinates.
Hitsuya: And those two? (Pointing to Sakura and Erica with his beer bottle.)
Evang: I don't have all the details, but I think he got himself engaged or something to the one with the sword. Then he got called to work abroad to train and lead a second all-female assault squad, and managed to make the redhead believe that they have a future together.
Hitsuya: Jerk.
Evang: Yeah. Say, you aren't going to drink and drive, are you?
Hitsuya: Heck, no! If drinking and driving is bad for vehicles, how much worse do you think it is for biofeedback-mindtap mecha?
Evang: I'd say Kiryoku from 80-120, and reflexes down by 20% at the least.
Hitsuya: See? I'll just have to call the Space Dynamo and tell them I won't be home until late tonight.
BOS: Sorry to interrupt-
Evang: You can't feel sorry, you're a machine. Go on, what is it?
BOS: I have computed the probability of an automatic DCA upheaval as a result of interacting a new series, however brief it may be.
Evang: And?
Hitsuya: New series? Daimos is rather old, isn't it?
BOS: Relatively speaking, you and your big friend are newcomers to this place. There is a 93.6% chance that some vital, dead character from Hitsuya's aniverse will appear within the next few minutes.
Evang: Argh! And this place is a mess!
Hitsuya: Heh. Heh-heh.
Evang: What?
Hitsuya: Just wondering what Richter would say if he arrived with this place as it is.
Evang: I'm not in the mood to deal with royalty right now, especially not pompous asses of alien blond princes.
Richter: That description wouldn't happen to include me right?
Evang: That was fast. (Sweatdrop.) Greetings your highness. I suppose you're here for the Royal Stately Bad Guys Annual Party?
Richter: I am. (Looks around.) I see women, but they bear the marks of commoners. And what happened here, did you have your mecha beast and beast fighter tournament already? (Eyes fall on Hitsuya.) YOU!!!
Hitsuya: (Grinning wolfishly.) Hello, brother-in-law.
Richter: Don't call me that! I'd rather... say, you are taking good care of my sister, aren't you? Where is she now?
Hitsuya: Well, there's a bit of a problem. It's about image, I think.
Richter: Haha! I knew it! I knew she never should have picked a common lowlife brawler for a husband!
Hitsuya: Do you want to hear this tale or not?
Evang: Come on, do tell. An image thing?
Hitsuya: Well, it's like, her friends here on Earth are married to businessmen and professionals who cruise around town in BMWs, Volvos, Hondas, and what not. And what does she have? (In a falsetto.) Oh, my husband drives a super robot that turns into this really big truck. (Normal voice again.) Not exactly the height of sophistication, isn't it?
Evang: Seems your assessment of the problem was correct, Prince Richter.
Richter: Of course! I am a Brahmin prince, and who better to understand Brahmin royalty?
Evang: Was.
Richter: Did you just call me a wuss? (Draws his saber.)
Evang: Your Highness! I am not in the mood to fight, and furthermore I have no intention of keeping you from your convention anymore. (Gestures to the floor and a set of stairs appear, heading into the bowels of the SpaceBar.) I have heard Zardos boasting to Sharkin and that android guy who hates Combattler V-
Richter: Prince Garuda.
Evang: -That he can defeat anyone in a fight, regardless of special abilities or body parts, using just his horns.
Richter: Why that arrogant son of a goat! I'll show him! (Exit Richter down stairs. Evang heaves a sigh of relief.)
Hitsuya: (Burping.) Oh, excuse me. Say, is there any way I can help with this mess I caused?
Evang: Not if you mind a little manual mech labor. Would you mind if Battle Commander Daimos turned into Bar Cleanup Daimos for a few hours?
Hitsuya: It's the least I can do.
Jemu: You think you can handle it now?
Hitsuya: I think so. I've just had a beer, one beer. I'm still in control.
Jemu: Righto. First priority is to clear the place and sweep the debris away.
Hitsuya: Make sure you evacuate everyone and make sure that everything is bolted or tied down.
Evang: You don't mean-
Hitsuya: I'll have this place cleaned up faster than you can execute a Hissatsu Reppuu Seiken Zuki Kai.
Jemu: (Using a megaphone.) Attention patrons! Please vacate the Main Lounge and transfer to the Wreck Room. Lockdown will begin in five minutes. I say again, please vacate the Main Lounge!
Yukime: Now, what do you suppose this is about?
Yurika: I don't know, but whenever he says things in that manner, its best to follow. The last time he spoke with a megaphone was when we were attacked by Angels.
Yukime: Tenshi?
Just then, a student with spiky hair, clueless face, and what appears to be a human-sized beam saber handle in his hand appears.
???: Eh? How'd I get here? For a moment, I thought someone was calling my name.
Sada-chan: (Popping from a well which had just sprouted.) Ano, Masaki-san, they weren't calling you, they were talking about otherworldly creatures. Creatures not from this plane of existence, from outer space-
Tenchi: Oh. You mean like all those women at my house? Like a couple of grandmothers, one incestuous, the other childlike? Like a pair of cops stuck with a certain space pirate and diminuitive mad scientist?
Shinji: Look, it's Masaki Tenchi! Get him!
Akito: Destroy the progenitor of males getting mobbed to death by women!
Sousuke: Guys, we have to clear the place in two minutes. We have no time to beat up other people.
Tenchi: Huh? No, it wasn't me, it was that other guy with long hair, Saotome! Yeah, that's his name!
Sada-chan: Uh, oh. Angry mob inbound. Better make yourself scarce, Tenchi.
Tenchi: Any ideas?
Sada-chan: How about the portal in my well?
Tenchi: It's as good as one under a flight of stairs, I guess.
So while all this interesting stuff was going on, the rest of the characters not in the previous scene were herded to the Wreck Room thanks to some 'authority' figures, namely Misato, Maria, and Glycine. Meanwhile, Hitsuya was already back inside Daimos, waiting for the signal.
Hitsuya: Ah, what the heck, I already gave them five minutes. Bato-bato sa hangin, tamaan, yari. (Waves his arms around in some weird martial arts gestures.) DOUBLE BLIZZARD!
Daimos' chest opens to reveal the two giant nacelles, and the fans begin to spin and pick up speed. The roaring and howling can be heard from inside the Wreck Room, and intensified as the cyclone entered the Main Lounge and began to pick up bits of masonry, steel, and three brown-haired-
Capt. Hoshino: Idiots.
Ruri: Eh? That was MY line!
Lapis Lazuli: Onee-chan, can you help me up to my room? I think I'm going to be ill.
Capt. Hoshino: Ruriruri, go get a bedpan from under the sink. Talk, Lapis, what's happening to Papa?
Lapis: Remember that amusement park ride where you stand strapped against the inside of a giant, spinning belt?
Capt. H.: Yes.
Lapis: Two and a half times worse. I'd hate to be where Papa is right now.
Akito was having the same sentiments. He kept them to himself, obviously. You try talking while getting whirled around by a tornado strong enough to lift metric tons of weight, while trying not to get brained by flying debris. I dare you.
Akito: (Thinking.) Wait, why am I such an idiot? (Boson Jumps out of the cyclone and into the Wreck Room.) Gah, hah, hah, hah.
Yurika: Akito! (Glomp.) Thank goodness you're alright!
Akito: Yrkkh! Hhh khnnnt grthhhh!
Yurika: Huh? What did you just say?
Akito: (Pulling his head from Yurika's cleavage) I said I couldn't breathe! (Buries his head again.)
Meanwhile, at the Geofront... (!)
Maya: Sir, you are not going to believe this!
Gendo: Try me. You'll be surprised.
Maya: (Sweatdrops as she remembers who she's talking to.) Unit 01 is moving on its own. Again.
Gendo: (Sighs.) Make a note of it, Aoba.
Aoba: Aye, sir. Making a note of it. Unit 01, moves again, without a pilot. Got it.
Hyuuga: Shall I begin the launch sequence, sir?
Gendo: I guess we'd better. Replacing more than a dozen floors of armor plating and bulkheads is going to be a pain in the pocket. Keep a watch on her movements, will you?
Hyuuga: Yessir, Commander.
Back at the Wreck Room...
BOS: Warning! AT Field capable unit launch, detected.
Jemu: Damn! Not another Angel Attack! We only have four Aesti pilots, and no SpaceBar 'Originals'!
Evang: Superweapon power is disconnected, on account of 'renovations.' That's it, we're dead.
BOS: I have it on visual.
A display window materializes, showing a huge purple humanoid figure with a horn approaching the SpaceBar. More specifically, the robot standing near the SpaceBar, who is currently punching at debris being flung up and around by a hurricane.
Jemu: SpaceBar to Daimos. Come in, Hitsuya.
Hitsuya: Daimos here. What's this about? Just give me a few more minutes. Where did all this mess come from?
Jemu: Hammerspace side effect. Listen, you have a berserk technorganic monster headed your way. Suggest you stop the cleanup until you've handed Mr. Ikari over to it and say you're sorry.
Hitsuya: Nani?
Evang: You got a couple of kids trapped inside that hurricane, Hitsuya, and let's just say that the monster is rather protective of one of them.
Hitusya: Copy. But if I stop the cyclone, they'll fall right down, and I'm not sure I can see them amid all this crap.
Jemu: We'll deploy a safety net of sorts to catch our kids. We'll call back when we're ready.
Evang: OK, guest units, you heard the man. We need to catch two boys lost in that wind, and we need to catch them fast. May we rely on your assistance?
Gai: Easy.
Tsukurou: I guess.
Evang: Tenka- OK, I assume from the way you're glomping each other that you'll be unavailable. I guess that means Ohgami-san, Shinguji-san, and Ms. Bellefontaine are out of the roster too.
Ohgami: Thanks for asking, but much as I'd like to help, a couple of people ordered me on the pain of death to stay where I am. Incidentally, any of you ever experienced lying down on a couple of female laps? Best place to be in after an injury, other than an all-female hospital. Hey, which reminds me, I have this great script-
Jemu: I think the medication is kicking in, wouldn't you say? Alright, seconds-in-command, then. Will you assist?
BOS: Unit 01 is in pouncing range! Hitsuya, get into the air!
Hitsuya: Roger that! Jeez, that is one ugly mother!
Bad words. Wrong words. Hearing them, Unit 01's eyes flashed, then burned, with the color of molten amber. Never, ever, diss a woman. Unit 01 wraps her arms around a nearby building, rips off the higher floors and flings them at Daimos. Hitsuya dodges, thanks to the Hirameki seishin.
Hitsuya: Aiiiieeeeeeee!
Gai: ~Here we come to save the day!~
Tsukurou: ~The Gekiganger freaks ~ are in the fray!~
Kaji: I swear, I hope Mrs. Ikari doesn't kill them. That way, I get to do so. This has been one episode of bad songs and music.
Orihime: (Overhearing Kaji.) What, you were expecting Mozart or Beethoven?
Kaji: Weren't you?
Maria: You can bicker later. Your side ready, Glycine?
Glycine: Let's give the word.
Maria & Glycine: Hanagumi, shutsugeki da!
Koubu and Eisenkleid boil out of three of the SpaceBar's sides, some of them jumping on to the roof, those doing so getting a warning from our favorite Russian.
Maria: Make sure you don't get sucked into the tornado, understand?
Kanna: I got it. (Whistles.) Son of a gun, those two are HUGE!
Sumire: Quiet! You might draw its attention toward us!
Kanna: We'd be less noticeable if you stopped hissing, you know.
Glycine: Kirishima-san, Kanzaki-san, focus your attention on the objects in the cyclone. As the two units on the roof, that is your primary responsibility, to call out where the children will fall-
Lobelia: Now he's going to be in some pain!
Everyone turned just in time to see Daimos get pulled down by Unit 01. This caused the Double Blizzard to fail, sending its contents hurtling toward the ground.
Sumire: Get ready, minna!
Gai: GAI SUPER-
Tsukurou: Hold it, cowboy, you might hit the kids!
Gai: But-
Maria: This will be tough, people. We can't destroy the falling debris at range because doing so would risk hitting our objectives.
Glycine: In other words, it's a Dodge-Dodge Rescue Mission.
Coquelicot: Hey, isn't that a game or something?
Kohran: Dear me, she just cracked a joke!
Hanabi: There's hope for you still, Glycine.
Jemu: Well, it does sound like Dance Dance- wait, I can't say it, it'll be copyright infringement!
Evang: Kinda like Campus Big V or something? Heads up, people! I can see Shinji and Sousuke now!
Maria and Glycine rattle of commands to change position and such. Meanwhile, Daimos has managed to kick off Unit 01 form on top of it. The EVA lands on its feet, then pulls out a prog knife. Daimos does a quick recovery and pulls out the Daimoshafts.
Kanna: Got one! Brown hair, spiky!
Jemu: Great! That's Sousuke. Who's got the other one?
Iris: Iris does! He's unconscious, though.
Maria: Excellent work, people.
Tsukurou: SpaceBar, do we move to assist Daimos?
Jemu: Negative. That's Yui Ikari in berserk mode, Geki-guys. Not much a couple of distortion fields can do against an AT FIeld.
Evang: Hitsuya, what's with the Daimoshaft?
Hitsuya: Not enough energy.
Evang: Shit.
Hitsuya: My sentiments exactly.
Maria: Iris?
Iris: Daimos is not a Koubu. Sorry, Iris can't power it up.
Evang: Hanagumi, get back inside and finish the debris clearing. The sooner you finish, the sooner this will be over. Kanna, proceed to sickbay. Iris, try not to get killed out there.
Maria: Understood.
Glycine: You heard him, girls, it's cleanup time.
Hanabi: I'm worried about you, Glycine. Where did the bad puns come from? Or when did they start?
Jemu: Gai, Tsukurou, distract the monster as best as you can, to cover Hitsuya's retreat.
BOS: Koubu have begun cleanup operations. Warning! More mecha detected! They'll be entering the combat zone one series at a time, judging from their speed.
Evang: On screen! Did you say, "series"?
BOS: Yeah. Look, the first series has entered the field now.
Jemu: Yeah, I can tell from the BGM playing.
Sora ni sobieru, kurogane no shiro
Evang: Confirmed. Mashin-type has entered fray.
Gai: Look! Tsukurou! A real Gekigan-type!
Tsukurou: That's impossible! I thought we were the ones who created Gekiganger and the Gekigan-type!
Hitsuya: Kouji! Sayaka! I never thought I'd be so happy to see you and Mazinger Z and Aflodai!
Kouji: (In his usual high-pitched voice) Wow! That monster is huge! Are you sure you need us? You've lasted this far against it.
Sayaka: (Also in a high-pitched voice.) He's low on power and energy, Kouji. He must have been fighting it alone all the while it took us to get here.
Unit 01, noticing the newcomers, gave them a cursory glance. Then it turned its back on Mazinger Z, convinced that the bigger threat was Hitsuya.
Kouji: Hey you! Oo ikaw, wag mo akong maliitin! You're dead, thanks to your turning your back on me!
Jemu: Gai, Tsukurou, evasive action, now. You're about to see a rare treat.
Tsukurou: We are?
Kouji: FAIYAH BURASTAH!!!
Gai & Tsukurou: WOW! GEKIGAN BEAM!
The wave of flame crashes into the AT Field, engulfing the EVA in a globe of fire. It roars in anger, or in pain perhaps.
Sayaka: Hitsuya, I'm refilling your energy tanks now!
Hitsuya: (Takes a deep breath and screams at the top of his lungs.) HISSTASU! REPPUU! SEIKEN! ZUKI! KAI!
BOS: Kiryoku up to 150. This is it, people.
Kohran: Ano, we're done here. Now what?
Jemu: Reconnecting superweapon energy supply-
Evang: Our electric bill is going to be horrid after this.
Jemu: Done! Particle cannon ready to fire!
Hitsuya: FREEZER STORM!!
Daimos' "ears" aim toward the ball of fire and release twin lances of ice. The AT Field, unaccustomed to the sudden change in attack temperature, gives way, and the EVA begins to be encased in a sheath of ice. Realizing this, Kouji cuts of his Fire Blaster. Even after doing so, the air around Mazinger Z still shimmers, the way it does over a boiling kettle. Soon, the EVA is totally trapped beneath cold crystal.
Evang: Iris? Go walk to Hitsuya-san, and ask to be lifted up.
Iris. Okay. Iris can do that. (Teleports onto Daimos' shoulder.)
Evang: Now for the tricky part. Hitsuya, can you melt just the head portion?
Hitsuya: I'll try. (Whispering.) Fire Blizzard.
Spurts of flame lick at the top of the frozen mound, melting away the ice surrounding Unit 01's head. Immediately, the creature shrieks, causing Iris, still carrying Shinji, to lose her balance and fall, into Daimos' palm.
Iris: Thank you, onii-chan.
Jemu: Now, for the apology, Hitsuya.
Hitsuya: Aww. Do I have to?
Kouji: Does he? I mean, Shinobu, Sara, and the rest of the Dancougar team should be here shortly, not to mention those flimsy, lightweight Heavy Metals. All three of them.
Evang: Wait a god-darned minute! What is this supposed to be, "Love's Whereabouts"?!
Sayaka: Nah. You don't see a Geshpentz Personal Trooper anywhere, now, do you?
Hitsuya: Could be. I was looking for Erica earlier, remember?
Jemu: If you're going to apologize, do it now, Hitsuya. I don't think that ice attack of yours is going to hold Mrs. Ikari much longer.
Hitsuya: Alright. (Extends his hand, the one where Iris and Shinji are on, toward the thawing EVA.) Sorry about getting your son caught up in my Double Blizzard, Mrs. Ikari. It was an accident. And I'm sorry I called you an ugly mother earlier.
Iris: See? Shinji-san is okay.
Back inside the Wreck Room...
Nube: Is this negotiation thing going to take longer?
Jemu: Bored already?
Nube: Now that you mention it, yeah. Got anything to do here?
Jemu: Well, I just got an art film that I think you and Yukime would enjoy. It's entitled "Shiroi Kisetsu."
Yukime: "Season of White?"
Jemu: It's good. It's part mystery, part comedy, part romance, part horror story or fairy tale, and it's not suitable for minors to boot.
Yukime: You mean it's-
Nube: Great! Where's the AV equipment?
Evang: Sorry about your accidental appearance here, Masaki-san. Weird shit like that always happens around here.
Tenchi: That's OK. I'm used to weird shit. I live in a house of sex-crazed alien women, remember? Compared to that, seeing robots small and giant-sized is a nice change of pace.
Evang: Thanks. So, Sada-chan's well didn't freak you out or anything?
Tenchi: It's a little dark, that's all.
Suddenly the lights flicker, then go back to full strength.
Tenchi: The hell?
Evang: BOS?
BOS: Sorry about that. I just turned off the cannon, and with the VR application being used in the sim room, I think that was to be expected.
Evang: Who's in the sim room?
BOS: Sousuke, the girls, the Tenkawas, and a three-some from the rocking 20s.
Tenchi: Uh, sim room? VR?
Evang: Say, why don't you try it, Tenchi? BOS, what's running anyway?
BOS: The last time I checked, they were on board the Nadesico-A. Now, they're- wait, ah, yes- now, they're in a high-school sim.
Tenchi: Thanks, I'll pass.
BOS: Oh, but they change programs every 15 minutes or so. They claim to be browsing through my extensive environment collection. You can always complain to the others if youd don't like the current simulation.
Evang: True. I suspect that the high school was Asuka's idea of culture shock treatment for Ichiro, Sakura, and Erica.
BOS: Bound to be. Check out these parameters! Hanky-panky level, max; skirt lengths, short; blouse range, form-fittting AND low-cut.
Tenchi: The hell? How's that supposed to look like?
Evang: Why don't you go and see for yourself?
The doors open, and the team that sortied walk in.
Jemu: Took you guys long enough. Where's Shinji?
Gai: Oh, he and his, uh, mother are spending some quality time together.
Kaji: Probably giving him a talk on the birds and bees.
Jemu: I see. And you, Sagara? You OK?
Sousuke: So far.
Maria: Where's everyone?
Evang: If it's Ohgami you're looking for, he's in the Virtual Reality room. Probably chasing more skirts in 21st century France or something.
Kohran: Virtual reality? What's that?
Jemu: It's like your Koubu fighting simulator/ practice/monitoring equipment, but you're not just stuck to Koubu; you could be anywhere, be anything.
Kohran: Sounds interesting.
Lobelia: Wherever and whoever, huh? Sounds like fun.
Jemu: It is. But don't take my word for it. Want to give it a spin? Door's that way (points to it) and once in, the computer will tell you what to do.
Lobelia was off, taking an equally eager Coquelicot with her. Kohran and Kanna went along as well, leaving Reni and Orihime debating on the merits of this particular outing.
Orihime: I could ask for a 21st century opera house, right?
Reni: Present this one with unlimited opportunities, and she asks for an opera house. Really, some people have no sense of adventure or creativity.
Orihime: Present company not excluded.
Reni: I didn't hear that. So, Iris, are you coming along too?
Iris: Iris doesn't know-
Jemu: Go on, it will be fun, since Ichiro and Sakura are already inside. Along with some other people.
Reni: And if you go, I'll go as well. That way, I don't have to be stuck listening to fat Italian singers.
Orihime: (Cuffs Reni over the head.) Hey!
Iris: Okay! Iris will go with Reni!
Jemu: Good! It's settled, then. Off you go, and remember, you can run different programs simultaneously. I'm sure BOS can handle it.
With that, the three were heading for the VR room as well. Which left...
Glycine: Hey, Sumire, want to have a sparring match with me?
Sumire: I wouldn't want to hurt you, or your Koubu, if that's what you're after.
Glycine: As if I'd let you. (Turns to Jemu.) You can run combat environments, yes?
Jemu: Where do you want to fight? Around an Egyptian pyramid, Amazon rainforest, knee-deep in the Russian taiga? Just say the word.
Maria: In that case, how about we make it a paired match? I'll provide long-range support for Sumire, and Hanabi can do the same for you, Glycine.
Glycine: Sounds good. What do you say, Hanabi, do you think you're up to it?
Hanabi: Please. That little dodge-the-boulder earlier made me so drowsy. I think I could use a little exercise.
Jemu: Right, then. You can finalize the details in the VR room itself. Enjoy yourselves!
Glycine: Something tells me I will.
Sumire: Strange, but I feel the same too.
Both of them grin at each other as they sashay toward the VR chamber. Hanabi looks askance at Maria, who just lifts an eyebrow as if to say, "I know as much about it as you do." They disappear through the door just as the super robot pilots come in, led by Hitsuya and Kouji.
Tsukurou: Hello there! I believe you're the pilot of that Gekigan-type earlier, right?
Kouji: Gekigan-type? Hey, Hitusya, what's he talking about?
Hitsuya: Damned if I know.
Evang: He meant your "slightly" modified Mazinger Z. Since when did it start to have the Fire Blaster as its main weaponry?
Kouji: It was Grampa's crazy idea. It was like a sauna in there while I was using it. I'm gonna ask Gramps to install AC the next time I see him.
Sayaka: Can somebody explain what this Gekigan-business is all about?
Tsukurou: It started out as a manga that we Jovians clung to when we were exiled from Earth. It became almost a religion to us. I think the designer for our military forces was a Gekignager otaku, so instead of a heavy destroyer ship design, he came up with a real-life version of the manga robot.
Kouji: And it just happened to resemble Mazinger Z, right?
Tsukurou: Yes indeed. I should show you the cockpit of my Gekigan-type, Daitetsujin.
Gai: It's so funny! All the weapons are voice activated, so that enemies won't be able to do much with it even if it were captured!
Kouji: But won't voice recorders be able to fool it?
Tsukurou: I don't know. I haven't tried it. Although it does raise a point. What if I have a sore throat or something? It's worth investigating.
Shinji: Well, see you, mom. I'll be good, I promise.
Unit 01: SCREECH
Shinji: And I promise not to give you grandkids until I'm 18. Especially not with your clone.
Unit 01: LOW SNARL
Shinji: Well, you could wait for the ice to melt. Just kidding, mom. I'll see what I can do. AT field won't work, huh?
Unit 01: LONG SCREECH translated as: If it did, I wouldn't still be here now, would I?
Shinji: I know mom, sorry I asked. I'll ask those other robot pilots with fire attacks for help. Be back in a flash, mom.
Shinji walks into the spanking clean Main Lounge, only to find it empty. Save for the Full Metal Panic kids. Sousuke catches Shinji's glance and gives him a one of his own that said: "If you tell anyone how much I'm getting fussed over by these two, I will deny all of it. Then I'm going to climb into your bedroom and kill you in your sleep."
Shinji: Hey there. Where're the others?
Kaname: They're in the Wreck Room. It's the-
Shinji: I know. The entertainment center of the house.
Sada-chan: Psst. Jemu!
Jemu: Huh-what?
Sada-chan: I think we better get rid of the Super Robot Wars people ASAP.
Jemu: But why? They just got here!
Sada-chan: With them and the Aestivalis here, it wouldn't be such a big leap to point this place out as a possible Londo Bell safehouse. And the Evangelion parked outside isn't exactly to scare crows with, right? Would you like GUESTs, DCs, and who knows what else to drop in?
Jemu: Oh, all right. (Walks over to where the three Super Robot pilots are doing some catching up over drinks.) That's a real nice overhaul job you have, Kouji.
Kouji: Thanks! It still needs better heat dissipation, though.
Hitsuya: Know a place nearby where we can upgrade our mecha?
Jemu: (Recalls the SpaceBar's hangar but decides not to tell them about it.) Well, there's Big Falcon. They're bound to return from Bozania anyday now. Or there's the Saotome laboratory.
Shinji: (Walking in and overhearing the last.) Is this the guy that gets chased by males AND females all the time?
Jemu: Might be an uncle or something. Heck, I really don't know.
Tsukurou: TROUBLE!!!
Jemu: What?!!
Kaji: Look, up in the sky!
Gai: Is it a bird?
Sada-chan: Is it a plane?
Evang: Why are we so idiotic at times? BOS, on screen!
BOS: Humans. Feh.
What appears to be an episode of Super Robot Demolition Derby appears. The people gathered at the bar stare at the screen in interest.
Gai: Look at that robot in the lead! It's fast!
Kaji: It's not fast, it's scared. See how much damage it's taken?
Tsukurou: Is it me, or does the lead robot look like a Gekiganger 3 clone?
Jemu: Make that an ugly-looking beat-up Gekiganger 3 clone.
Sada-chan: Shhh! They're bringing in the audio now.
"This is for stealing my robot's face, AND the SWORD! THUNDER BREAK!!!"
Kouji: Hey, that's Tetsuya!
Gai: Tetsuya? I don't know any Gekiganger pilot named Tetsuya.
Kouji: He's the one that's chasing the lead robot, the one with the sword out.
Tsukurou: You mean that isn't Gekiganger in second position?
Gekiganger dodges. The screen is split into three as the Gekiganger pilots exchange anxieties on air.
#1 Spiky-haired, short-tempered pilot (caption as seen on screen) Ken: Shit! That was close! I say we about face and fire back!
#2 Long-haired, "cool as a cucumber pilot" Joe: Just what I expected from an idiot like you.
Pilot #1: What did you just say!?
#3 Overweight, peacekeeper pilot Akira: Hey, you two, look out, there's more of them coming toward us!
A silver and white robot bursts out of the ground, drill first, and flies up into the air. There is a flash, and the robot separates into three aircraft, only to fly in a line and form-
Sayaka: It's Getta Robo!
Getta machine #2 pilot, Hayato (who bares a striking resemblance to Joe): Getta change, switch ON!
Getta machine #3 pilot, Benkai (who bares a striking resemblance to Akira): Uh, this is for stealing our three planes combine to one kick-ass robot concept, yeah!
Getta-1 brings out the dreaded-
Getta machine #1 pilot, Ryouma (who bares a striking resemblance to Ken): TOMAHAWK BOOMREANG!!!!!!!!
And throws it at the Super Clone flying toward it. As if by some quirk of fate, Gekiganger manages to dodge again and the flying blade is deflected by the Great Mazinger's sword.
Tetsuya: Watch it, Ryouma!
Ryouma: Oops.
Then, from out of nowhere, a boyish voice cries out: "Aren't you guys old enough to drop numbers from the name of your show?"
Ken: Don't tell me you're going to take issue with that as well?
???: Okay, we won't. MOON ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!
A rather large (70-meter tall) orange and blue robot drops from cloud cover, energy flowing from its clenched fists to the glowing golden crescent on its head. A few second later, sickle shaped constructs of energy spiral out from the robot toward the so far lucky Gekiganger 3.
Shinji: Uh, Bishoujo Mobile Suit Zambot-3?
Evang: That's right, you're too young to remember. It wasn't too popular either. That, dear boy, is Muteki Chojin Zambot-3. Zambot 3 for short.
The sickle-shaped beams home in on Gekiganger and seem to freeze it in mid-air. Getta-1 and Great Mazinger, sensing a helpless target, quickly dash in for the kill. But before they could get in swinging range...
Ken: Kisama! Joe, Akira, GEKIGA OUT!!!
Akira: We can move faster if we're separated! Good idea, Ken!
Joe: We'll also die faster if we get hit.
Ken: Big "if".
Deep male voice: Did someone say, "big"?
The screen images darken as something blocks out the sun.
Ken: Please, don't be another original we ripped off!
Joe: We're sorry!
Akira: We'll even send you some sushi, just don't hurt us!
Deep voice: Sushi!? Raw, uncooked, FISH!!!???? The gall!!! I hate fish! I nearly died once because of some bad fish I ate and was not able to pilot Daitarn 3! And you three jerks even had the temerity to put in a "Sick because of bad fish" episode as well! I, Haran Banjo, will punish you with the power of the sun! SUN ATTACK!!!
Hitsuya (or Kazuya): I don't understand why Banjo's so pissed off. It's just an episode, for crying out loud.
Jemu: I believe Gekiganger 3 has an episode where the enemy is like rubber and they first had to freeze it with their storm attack... what was it called?
Sousuke: Gekigan Cyclone.
Jemu: Thanks- hey, what are you doing here?
Sousuke: I felt I was getting undercut in air time, so I decided to make an appearance.
Hitsuya (or Kazuya): The bastards!!! "Rubber Armor Episode!" I'll show them a real storm attack! (Rises from the table.)
Kouji: Mind if we tag along?
Kazuya: Just don't get in my way. (Heads for the door.)
Kouji moves to follow, and with a shake of her head and a muttered "Men" Sayaka followed suit. Meanwhile, the screen is showing the comparative height of the robots in the field, and Gekiganger is at the bottom of the pile. Still being small helped it dodge Daitarn-3's Sun Attack. Upon reaching the parking lot and climbing into their respective mecha, Sayaka discovers a slight problem.
Sayaka: Kouji, Aflodai can't fly!!!
Kouji: No problem.
Mazinger Z lands behind Aflodai, who is standing beside a still frozen EVA popsicle. The sheer difference in heights between Dr. Kabuto's creation and Dr. Ikari's wife is hilarious. Before Sayaka could ask, Mazinger Z wraps both its arms around Aflodai's torso.
Sayaka: Kouji noo... BAAKAAAAA!!! (Starts twisting and flailing.)
Kouji: Hold still! I'm not doing anything ecchi! Am I, Kazuya?
Kazuya: If your mecha had advanced biofeedback and mindlinks, it would have been.
Unit 01: SNARRRL!!
Kazuya: Yes, I meant you and your kind, Mrs. Ikari.
Kouji: Agh! That's it! SUPAA RASHI!
Mazinger Z, still clutching Aflodai's Photo-Atomic Mammary Missiles (TM), is hurled into the air by rocket propulsion. Such was the strength that the resulting backblast melted the ice around Unit 01 and reminded Kazuya to fly off in chase of the cursed fiends.
SpaceBar permanents: ~FAITO! Toki wo koe tanaka o senshi! Yuku ze SUPAA ROBOTTO WA-~
Evang: Stop! Copyright infringement!!!
Sada-chan: Isn't that the English translation of Gekiganger?
THE END???