Chichiri, Emperor of Konan (and other insanity), no da!

by

Suzaku no Miko Copy cabbit

Notes from the cabbit: Konyananichiwa! Copy cabbit again, for the third time! A few notes: Tama-chan is working on Chapter 4 of this fic. Yes, Tama-chan. In other words, if this story ends up being rated NC-17, you have her to thank. Even though Hotohori and the others have returned, I'll still keep the title, but I'll add to it.  I've only watched up to Episode 14, but I'm gonna include the rest of the seishi in the next chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 3: Double Wedding and lots of insanity, no da!

*flashback*

*Chibi Tama-chan and Chibi Tamahome are playing in the sandbox, not too far from where Chibi Himeko is beating up Chibi Nuriko, despite Chibi Hotohori's pleadings. Chibi Tama-chan is about to go and help, when Chibi Tamahome tugs on her sleeve.

Chibi Tamahome: Tama-chan?

Chibi Tama-chan: *hopeful look in her eyes* Hai?

Chibi Tamahome: You stepped on my sandcastle.

Chibi Tama-chan: Nani? *looks down* Oops.

*The two continue playing in the sandbox, despite the fact that Chibi Himeko is now chasing Chibi Nuriko with a hammer. Eventually, Chibi Tama-chan gets mad, and throws sand at Chibi Tamahome.*

Chibi Tamahome: Ahh! My eyes! I'm blind!

Chibi Tama-chan: Baka! All you ever care about is you and money! You don't care about me at all!

Chibi Tamahome: *blinks* Since when did you talk like a grown-up, Tama-chan?

Chibi Tama-chan: *angry* I hate you, Tamahome! *runs off, crying*

Chibi Tamahome: 0.0 ……Matte, Tama-chan! *runs after her*

*Chibi Tamahome runs after Chibi Tama-chan. He eventually catches up to her at the top of the slides.*

Chibi Tamahome: Gomen ne, Tama-chan, I do care about you! In fact, when we grow up, I want to marry you!

Chibi Tama-chan: Really?

Chibi Tamahome: Hai!

Chibi Tama-chan: *big smile* Arigatou! *steps forward to hug him, but accidentally pushes him off the slide* Uh oh…I'm gonna get in trouble for this…

*End flashback*

Miaka glared at Tamahome. "And just when did you make that promise?" she asked.

Tama-chan grinned. "Before you found the book, which means he's rightfully mine," she said.

Miaka was very outraged. She threw a chair at Tamahome. "Kisema! I thought I was your only love!" she exclaimed.

Tamahome sweatdropped. "Well, you see, I was only 8 then, Miaka, so I didn't mean it. You're still my only love!" he said.

Tama-chan shook her head. "Not any more…" she said. She grinned. "We're gonna get married!" She turned to Himeko. "Hey, Hime-chan, how about we have a double wedding?" she asked.

Himeko nodded. "Sounds good. Taitsuukun's palace ok?" she asked.

Tama-chan nodded. "Yup!" she said. She triumphantly raised a fist in the air. "All right! It's wedding time!"

Himeko grinned, turning to Chichiri. "Oh, Chiri-chan?"

"Hai, no da?"

"Could you be the priest?"

"Nani, no da!? I'm a monk, not a priest!" Chichiri exclaimed.

Himeko shrugged. "Priest, monk, same diff," she said.

"It's not the same diff, no da!" Chichiri exclaimed.

Himeko shrugged. "Well to me it is, so you're going to be our priest." She then got out her hammer. "If you try another disappearing act, like the one you did last time, I'm smashin' your kesa with my hammer, and then I'm gonna burn it," she said.

Chichiri gulped, and slowly nodded. "H-hai, no da," he said.

Later that day, at Taitsuukun's palace, the double wedding took place. Himeko once again ditched the Meru outfit in favor of a wedding kimono, but she still had her hammer with her, only it was strapped to her back in the same fashion a knight would wear his sword and shield…or at least Link. Tama-chan, on the other hand, was wearing next to nothing. Tama-chan had tied up Tamahome, who was wearing a tuxedo. Hotohori was kept in check by the threat of getting hit with Himeko's hammer; he had seen what happened to Nuriko when they were little. Compared to Tamahome, Hotohori had it better, as he was wearing his emperor's clothes. Instead of the wedding march playing, the Nyan Nyan sang, at Tama-chan's request, "Oops", by Tweet.

"Oops! There goes my shirt up over my head, oh my oh my," Tama-chan sang along. "Oops! There goes my skirt dropping to my knees, oh my oh my. Oops! Some kind of touch caressing my legs, oh my oh my. Oops! I'm turning red, who could this be? Oh my oh my."

Tamahome started crying as he realized his days as a free man were over. I'll never see Miaka again… he thought.

Later, after the ceremony, the two authors, the Nyan Nyan, and 4 out of 7 Suzaku seishi were eating dinner. Tasuki had somehow found a bottle of saké, and was now drunk. Miaka and Nuriko were still very furious, and were looking for Chichiri, when some Nyan Nyan stopped them.

"We can fix your jealous rages!" they said.

WHACK! The two Nyan Nyan were sent flying towards the moon.

After dinner, all the characters were gathered in the throne room, Tama-chan eyeing every square inch of Tamahome's body, most likely mentally stripping him. Tamahome gulped nervously, and tried to go to Miaka, but he couldn't get untied. Himeko had sent some servants to make her a throne, Hotohori sitting on the throne. Tasuki was still drunk, and was fighting with some Nyan Nyan.

"We can fix your drinking problem!" they said.

"But I don't wanna stop!" Tasuki whined.

The Nyan Nyan frowned, and huddled together to think up a new strategy. Finally, they turned back to Tasuki. "We can make a type of saké that can heal…" one said.

Another nodded. "Not only that, but it will taste better than any other saké you've ever had!" she said.

Meanwhile…

The servants had finally brought in Himeko's throne, but she wouldn't budge.

"Come on, Hime-chan," Hotohori pleaded "My robes are getting dirty from sitting on this floor!"

Himeko shook her head. "Getting up would require moving," she said.

Nuriko and Miaka on the other hand…

Nuriko and Miaka were still hunting down Chichiri, who they blamed for all this. Thanks to a nasty trick of Himeko's, the Illusion Card was posing as Chichiri.

"There he is!" Nuriko yelled.

"Let's get him!" Miaka said.

They proceeded to gain up on the Illusion Card, who took one look at the two, and ran off. They chased after it, and eventually ran into Taitsuukun.

"What do you think you're doing, running around my palace!?" she exclaimed.

"We were looking for Chichiri," Nuriko said.

"I don't care if you're looking for the Pope! You don't run around my palace!!" Taitsuukun yelled.

Chichiri, to say the least…

Chichiri was hiding behind a bookshelf, not wanting Miaka or Nuriko to find him. "What did I do to deserve this, no da!?" he asked himself.

But for Tama-chan and Tamahome…

Tama-chan was still eying Tamahome's body.

Tamahome was still looking for possible hiding places to hide from Tama-chan…

To be continued…