Director: All right, Kain if you would stop choking Anamae for a moment for her to go out and introduce the next scene, the faster you'll see Ariel! (Kain drops Anamae, who crawls away from him weakly and towards the stage) Melchiah, Zephon, Ariel, you guys are up next! Darlings, get ready!!!! Thirty seconds!

(Anamae weakly comes onstage, still rubbing her throat. Moebius, seeing his chance to finally get close to the girl, tries to go upstage to help her but is 'accidentally' kicked in the chin. Nupraptor grabs his friend and drags him back into his seat)

Anamae: And now…a scene from inside the Capulet mansion. The nurse…comes to tell…Juliet…of what fate has in…store for…her. (Collapses onstage; Malek comes out quickly and drags said authoress by the arms into the wings. Curtain rises, showing a beautiful room overlooking a garden. Enter Melchiah and Zephon with more catcalls and whistles following them)

Melchiah: (Haughty look on his face; for once he can order about his older brother) Nurse, where's my daughter? Call her forth to me.

Zephon: (Whispering) Whatever, you overdressed tart. I can't believe I'm doing this. (Normal voice, all high and shrill. Melchiah winces) Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old, I bade her come. What, lamb! What, ladybird!
God forbid! Where's this girl? What, Juliet!

Ariel: How now? Who calls? (Floats in wearing a lovely blue dress and even the side of her face that's a skull cannot make her lose her beauty)

Nupraptor: YEAH! That's my girlfriend! Go, Ariel, GO! (Jumps up from his seat and begins to wave about wildly until someone with a very good aim nailed the Guardian of the Mind with a soda bottle, causing him to be K.O.'d)

Zephon: Your mother calls, dear child. (Looks off into the wings and sees Kain; Zephon gives a leer and a wink at his father who proceeds to grab the nearest stagehand and break the human over his leg)

Ariel: Madam, I am here. What is your will? (Looks out into the audience and shakes her head at the unconscious form of Nupraptor)

Melchiah: (Tries a very HIGH voice to annoy Zephon) This is the matter:--Nurse, give leave awhile, We must talk in secret:--nurse, come back again;
I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel.
Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age. (Thinking) This girl stuff is really personal; I can't believe I'm saying this. Raziel would be better at this)

Zephon: Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.

Melchiah: She's not fourteen. But seriously Ariel, for a young woman of three thousand, you look absolutely beautiful. Ah! (Rubs forehead where Zephon smacked him with the back of his claws)

Zephon: Damnit, just stay with the script and this will all be over faster! I'll lay fourteen of my teeth,-- And yet, to my teeth be it spoken, I have but four--
She is not fourteen. How long is it now
To Lammas-tide? What the hell is Lammas-tide?

Melchiah: A fortnight and odd days. And Lammas-tide is something like the Summer Solstice, a big party for everyone to join in together. (Gives a condescending smile to Zephon to show how much he knows)

Zephon: Even or odd, of all days in the year,
Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen.
Susan and she--God rest all Christian souls!--
Were of an age: well, Susan is with God;
She was too good for me: but, as I said,
On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen;
That shall she, marry; I remember it well.
'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years;
And she was wean'd,--I never shall forget it,--
Of all the days of the year, upon that day:
For I had then laid wormwood to my dug,
Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall;
My lord and you were then at Mantua:--
Nay, I do bear a brain:--but, as I said,
When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple
Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool,
To see it tetchy and fall out with the dug!
Shake quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow,
To bid me trudge…

Sarafan in audience: OH SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zephon: You shut you, up stupid human. I still have more lines to go through, and you better listen and enjoy it! (Snaps fingers and Zephonim vampires spin a cocoon about the Sarafan and tie him to the ceiling) As I was saying…. And since that time it is eleven years;
For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood,
She could have run and waddled all about;
For even the day before, she broke her brow:
And then my husband--God be with his soul!
A' was a merry man--took up the child:
'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face?
Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;
Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame,
The pretty wretch left crying and said 'Ay.'
To see, now, how a jest shall come about!
I warrant, an I should live a thousand years,
I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he;
And, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay.'

Melchiah: Enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace.

Melchiahim vampire in left row: THANK YOU!!!!! FINALLY, HE CAN SHUT UP!

(Zephon gives a dirty glare at the young fledgling and all of the sudden it explodes, causing pieces of body parts and smoke to fill the theatre. No one talked after that…at least until the next scene)

Ariel: And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I. (Small clapping is heard from the Sarafan)

Zephon: Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace!
Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nursed:
An I might live to see thee married once,
I have my wish.

Melchiah: Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme
I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Juliet,
How stands your disposition to be married? Hey Ariel, can I go out with you for a cup of coffee after this is all over?

Ariel: (Gives Melchiah a look and starts her lines, casting her eyes downwards and looking very meek) It is an honour that I dream not of.

Kain: (Offstage) YES! She doesn't want to get married to anyone but me. No, don't pull me back Dumah, Raziel…stop tickling me…hehehe, no stop - ahahahaha.

Melchiah: Yes, whatever. Well, think of marriage now; younger than you,
Here in Verona, ladies of esteem,
Are made already mothers: by my count,
I was your mother much upon these years
That you are now a maid. Thus then in brief:
The valiant Paris seeks you for his love.

Zephon: Malek and Ariel? I've seen some pretty bad couples, but those two take the cake! Who the hell was- (Zephon's foot was stomped on by Melchiah's and his high heels while Ariel jabbed him in the back with her fan. Says the next lines in a very high voice) A man, young lady! Lady, such a man
As all the world--why, he's a man of wax.

(Backstage)

Kain: I do not have to be tied down!

Rahab: Sorry father, but orders are orders. We can't have you going into the audience and killing Nupraptor.

Kain: But Zephon killed those two other people.

Dumah: They had it coming to them!

Kain: Would you at least get off me? There's no reason to sit on me, you stupid son of mine!!!

Raziel: Director's orders, dad. Dumah, you might want to move a little over to the left. The way you were sitting before, it looked kind of…gay.

Dumah: I'm not gay.

Raziel: I didn't say that!

Dumah: I'll kill you! (Jumps off of Kain, takes out his sword and chases after Raziel) Just warming up for our fight scene, dear brother!

Rahab: Why couldn't I of been an only child?

Kain: Because. Hey, is Ariel up there? Can you see her?

Rahab: Yes dad.

Kain: Good, good. Just make sure Zephon doesn't move in too close; that's my job later on in this play.

(Back onstage)

Melchiah: What say you? can you love the gentleman?
This night you shall behold him at our feast;
Read o'er the volume of young Paris' face,
And find delight writ there with beauty's pen;
Examine every married lineament,
And see how one another lends content
And what obscured in this fair volume lies
Find written in the margent of his eyes.
This precious book of love, this unbound lover,
To beautify him, only lacks a cover:
The fish lives in the sea, and 'tis much pride
For fair without the fair within to hide:
That book in many's eyes doth share the glory,
That in gold clasps locks in the golden story;
So shall you share all that he doth possess,
By having him, making yourself no less. It's a damn good deal, Juliet!

Ariel: I'll look to like, if looking liking move:
But no more deep will I endart mine eye
Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.

(Servant comes in)

Servant: Umm the party, it's, ummm, starting, like now! (Walks past Melchaih and punches him in the gut; audience cannot see the blow) That was from Lord Kain to you. (Servant leaves)

Melchiah: (Wheezing) We follow thee! Juliet, the count awaits. Make haste and do not be late!

(Curtain falls. In the audience the Sarafan in the ceiling is trying to be cut down by his friends, while the Melchiahim vampires look for the pieces of their friend. A couple of ushers are moving up and down the aisles and try to restore order, but it doesn't seem to be working. Moebius is still rubbing his chin when he hears a voice he didn't want to hear)

Dejoule: Well, how much of this play did I miss? (Grabs Nupraptor out of his seat and takes his place)

Moebius: Hello, Dejoule. How are you? (Shudders inwardly)

Dejoule: Did that bitch Ariel come up already?

Kain: (Backstage) WHO DID I HEAR BEING CALLED WHAT?!

Moebius: Please don't get Kain to come over here. I've been hit by blood and have had popcorn thrown onto me with hot butter, as well as have Nupraptor have enough fights started here that got me hit instead of him. And I was kicked in the chin.

Dejoule: Like I really give a care. I am here to see Vorador and beat the ever-loving hell out of him.

Moebius: Why?

Dejoule: He stood me up! What's so funny, you old man? Hey, I'm talking to you!


(Backstage -  Kain has had the ropes cut off of him, Raziel is still being chased by Dumah and now has a torn legging, Melchiah and Zephon are punching and hitting each other with their props, and Rahab is bemoaning his double character. Turel is already hitting on some of the make-up women, to little success. Ariel floats over to Kain and looks at him)

Ariel: Well, the next scene we meet.

Kain: That we do.

(Uncomfortable silence)

Kain: See you then.

Ariel: I suppose so. Just don't try anything funny; my fiancée is out in the audience.

Kain: The one that's getting all the beatings and looks like he's dead? The one on the floor over there. (Points; Ariel covers her face with her hands)

Ariel: Oh damn, why did I invite him?

Anamae: Because he's your boyfriend. (Pops up out of nowhere, as is it her speciality)

Kain: Get outta here before I kick you.

Anamae: Will do, jackass! (Grabs a hat and drops it over her, making her somehow vanish)

Kain: Jackass?!

Ariel: And she's the narrator and authoress? Do I even want to know what will happen next? Oh damn, Dejoule's in the audience, and there's Mortanius as well. This could get interesting very shortly…

Dumah: (Walking by) Dum de dum dum DUM!!!!!!!