(Audience quietens down as the curtain rises. Now this is the famous scene where Romeo and Juliet come together and pledge their undying love; so no screw-ups are allowed but since this is Nosgoth and this is the first ever play of 'Romeo and Juliet' something will undoubtedly happen that will screw everything up. Moebius looks over at Nupraptor, who thankfully has managed to get his seat back from Dejoule)

Moebius: (Whispering) Now this scene Nupraptor is where Romeo and Juliet pledge their love. Don't worry, Ariel still loves you in real life and Kain is not hitting on her, all right?

Mortanius: Why are you telling him all of this? You're trying to start a fight!

Moebius: Maybe I am!

Dumahim vampire: Shush!!! I want to hear the play, not you old farts!

(The two Pillar guardians look at the vampire, then settle back down to watch the play go on. The stage shows a beautiful orchard wreathed in pale moonlight, with the tower in the background where Juliet's room is located. Sparkles fill the air, courtesy of the fairie realm from Nosgoth who love adding romantic touches to romantic stuff in general. Soft music is played from over the speakers and for once a calm and peaceful mood enters the theatre. Kain enters from the left of the stage)

Kain: He jests at scars that never felt a wound.

(Looks up towards Juliet's window, waiting for Ariel to make her appearance. She does and thanks to some quick make-up from Umah, looks all the more radiant)

Kain: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!

(Faustus nudges Suzu in the side and whispers in her ear)

Faustus: So what does he mean exactly?

Suzu: (Eating her donut and drinking her root beer at the same time; talking loudly) It means that he's got the hots for her in the really, really, really bad way!

Turelim vampire: Be quiet!!!!

Suzu: No, I need to explain this to my friend!!! Faustus doesn't know much when it comes to love and-

Rahabim vampire: SHUT UP!!!! You're spoiling the moment, you stupid half-breed!

Suzu: What was that?!!! I'm not stupid, you eijit!

Faustus: Everyone shut up and let's just watch the frick'en play!!! (Everyone does shut up and turns back to the play; at the same moment Faustus has taken out a roll of duck tape and taped Suzu's mouth shut so she'll stop speaking for once)

(Back onstage)

Kain: She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that?
Her eye discourses; I will answer it.
I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks:
Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.
What if her eyes were there, they in her head?
The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars,
As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven
Would through the airy region stream so bright
That birds would sing and think it were not night.
See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!

(Looks up at Ariel from his vantage point in the orchard and waits for her lines)

Ariel: Ay me!

Kain: (Thinking to himself) Shakespeare, if I ever meet you in this life I'm going to shake your hand for making such great lines for my character to speak. No woman can resist them or my charm!
She speaks:
O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art
As glorious to this night, being o'er my head
As is a winged messenger of heaven
Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him
When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds
And sails upon the bosom of the air.

Ariel: (Leans against the balcony and places her head in her hands) O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Kain: Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?

Ariel: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself.

(Kain jumps out of his hiding spot and shouts his next lines a bit too loudly, causing Ariel to scream and hurl down a vase even if it is not in the script)

Kain: I take thee at thy word:
Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.

(Misses the vase, but unfortunately knocks into one of the trees. The tree falls over with an almighty crash, creating a large hole in the stage. Crashing still continues as the tree goes down into the lower levels of the theatre house. Backstage Anamae is bashing her head into a clipboard and muttering to herself about never directing another play again, even if she's covering for the real director, which is still knocked out)

Ariel: (Looks slightly embarrassed at the mess she created from tossing down that one vase) What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night
So stumblest on my counsel?

Kain: By a name
I know not how to tell thee who I am:
My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee;
Had I it written, I would tear the word.

Ariel: (Leans over the balcony's edge to look at Kain; a faint hairline appears in the prop) My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words
Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:
Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?

Kain: Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.

Ariel: How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art,
If any of my kinsmen find thee here.

Kain: (Falls out of character) Ha, I would like to see them try and kill me. I have the Soul Reaver and this little beauty has never failed me before. (Pats the sword) And if anyone did find me here, then I will kill him or her, simple as that.

Ariel: (Gives him a sharp look; leans further over the edge. Another crack appears in the balcony and railing) If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

Kain: Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye
Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet,
And I am proof against their enmity.

Ariel: I would not for the world they saw thee here.

Kain: I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight;
And but thou love me, let them find me here:
My life were better ended by their hate,
Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.

(While Kain and Ariel exchange their lines and the audience is listening in peacefully, backstage is a completely different manner)

Anamae: What did you say, Janos?

Janos: The balcony Ariel is on is in danger of being destroyed.

Anamae: (Throws down clipboard and walks to the curtain's edge with the Ancient, who points out the fine cracks and lines developing) Oh hell, not good, not good at all!!! First Kain knocks down a tree and creates a hole in the stage that we're going to have to patch up quickly, and now the balcony Ariel is on will fall with her on it and…wait a minute, Ariel's a ghost. She has no weight on the balcony, so why is it breaking up?

Janos: I do not know.

Anamae: I think I do. (Turns to Malek who is at the moment placing some rubbing alcohol on his wounds that Kain, Dumah and Turel had given him before) Malek's messed around with the props and while Ariel won't be hurt while the balcony falls, Kain will! Sweet merciful crap, why did I get involved in all of this!!!! Why does Malek want to kill all the vampires on opening night of all nights?!

Janos: Because you wanted to, I suppose.

(Anamae begins running to one side of the theatre house, grabs some wooden support beams and drags them back over to Janos)

Anamae: Okay, then help me prop up the tower from the back so the balcony won't fall over and kill Kain. We need him alive until the end of the play anyway! (Janos and Anamae take the beams and run around to the back of the stage itself, hidden behind the props and try and repair the damage done by the Sarafan paladin)

Rahab: (Looks at the authoress) What's happened to her?

Raziel: I don't know so don't bother asking me. I'm keeping an eye out on Malek, and I suggest you do to!

Rahab: Are you insinuating that he is trying to kill us?

Raziel: (Sarcastically) Hmm, well Rahab with the way he's sharpening his sword over there and giving evil glares over to Vorador, Janos, and the other vampires I do believe he is planning something. Besides I saw him messing around with half the props before and I think he caused something to go on with the trees; dad's clumsy at times but not that clumsy.

Rahab: Oh good.

Raziel: What the hell do you mean by that? 'Good' what's so good about that?

Rahab: I'm not the only character in this play that has a split persona or just plain evil.

Raziel: (Fuming) Are you still going on about the friar/poisoner business?

Rahab: (Sheepishly) Yes.

(Back onstage)

Ariel: -O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circled orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

Kain: What shall I swear by?

Ariel: Do not swear at all;
Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self,
Which is the god of my idolatry,
And I'll believe thee.

Kain: If my heart's dear love-

(Hears banging and thumps from backstage, right below the tower where Ariel is still leaning against the balcony. The whine of power tools are heard and the hammering of nails. Ariel also stops to look and listen, shrugs at Kain and continues with her lines)

Ariel: (Shouting over the whine of a power tool) Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee,
I have no joy of this contract to-night:
It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden;
Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be
Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night!
This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet.
Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest
Come to thy heart as that within my breast!

(Sounds of construction stop and the ghost looks behind her again. Of course, when Kain needs to speak he doesn't get interrupted at all, she thinks to herself)

Kain: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

Ariel: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?

Kain: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

Ariel: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it:
And yet I would it were to give again.

(Hammering begins again from behind the scenes; someone swears loudly and the yowling of a cat can be heard. The audience looks at each other, shrugs and thinks is the party which must be happening in another part of the Capulet mansion, and go back to watching the play)

Kain: (Yelling over the sound of the hammer) Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?

Ariel: (Still yelling) But to be frank, and give it thee again.
And yet I wish but for the thing I have:
My bounty is as boundless as the sea,
My love as deep; the more I give to thee,
The more I have, for both are infinite.

(Hammering stops, the swearing stops and the cat meowing stops. Silence descends and then a shrill voice is heard from within the mansion)

Zephon: (From within the mansion) Juliet!!!

(Collective audience groans, sure that another long-winded speech is coming up. Ariel leaves the stage for a moment, where Zephon, having been told by Anamae about the condition of the balcony, relays it to the ghost and tells her to say her lines quickly, who then comes back out)

Ariel: Three words, dear Romeo, and good night indeed.
If that thy bent of love be honourable,
Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow,
By one that I'll procure to come to thee,
Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite;
And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay
And follow thee my lord throughout the world.

Zephon: Madam!!!

Ariel: I come, anon.-(Turns back to Kain, the balcony begins to develop a few more cracks that even the masonry skills of Janos couldn't hold together) But if thou mean'st not well,
I do beseech thee-

Zephon: MADAM!!! (Peeks out from behind the entrance of the balcony and sees the cracks) Ariel, move it and move quickly!

Ariel: By and by, I come:--
To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief:
To-morrow will I send.

Kain: (Still oblivious to the whole balcony breaking up) So thrive my soul-

Ariel: Good night! (Gets pulled back into the wings quickly by Zephon as the balcony begins to groan and creak ominously. Kain is unfortunately standing below it)

Kain: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light.
Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from
their books,
But love from love, toward school with heavy looks. It is my soul that calls upon my name:
How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,
Like softest music to attending ears!

(Ariel quickly floats back onto the balcony, just remembering that she has to say her next lines or else the rest of the play won't make much sense)

Ariel: Romeo! At what o'clock to-morrow
Shall I send to thee?

Kain: At the hour of nine.

Ariel: I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then.
I have forgot why I did call thee back. (Whispers to Kain) Get out of the way; the balcony is going to fall on you!

Kain: Ariel, that's not part of the script!

Ariel: Get out of the way, you stupid master vampire!!! (Kain finally does see the damage on the balcony and quickly moves off to the side, making only his back visible to the audience)

Kain: (Sarcastically) Happy? --And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget,
Forgetting any other home but this.

Ariel: 'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone:
And yet no further than a wanton's bird;
Who lets it hop a little from her hand,
Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,
And with a silk thread plucks it back again,
So loving-jealous of his liberty. Sweet, so would I:
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.
Good night, good night! parting is such
sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

(Exits the stage for good, leaving the balcony, which was now drooping down considerably and weaving from side to side. Kain gulps and looks up at it nervously)

Kain: Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!
Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell,
His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.

(A crack is heard from above and the balcony goes. Kain jumps out of the way, screaming a bit shrilling even if he is wearing tights. The prop falls onto the stage, making another lovely hole as it goes down through the floors, going down and down and down and down…the curtain falls quickly and Anamae rushes onstage)

Anamae: People, because of technical difficulties the play with be postponed for ten minutes. We ask that you all sit quietly and wait patiently. Thank you!!! (Dashes off-stage)

Faustus: Now what the devil was that all about?

Suzu: (Behind duck tape) Mmmmppphhhhhhhhhhpppppmmmhh!!!

Faustus: What?

Suzu: MMMMMMPPPPPHHH!!!!

Faustus: (Rips off the tape) Better?

Suzu: Oh shut the hell up! Someone's sabotaging the play!

(Clapping heard over from the Sarafan section)

Sarafan 1: Well Lord Malek will surely try and get another vampire in the next scene, am I right?

Sarafan 2: He'll kill them before the night is out!

Suzu: This can't be good.

(Backstage)

Umah: I've called in the workers and it will take them about ten minutes to repair the damage. The Zephonim vampires are already looking for the props but they said they went so far down that they've probably reached Hell by now and - Anamae, are you okay?

(Looks over at authoress whose rolled up into a ball and rocking back and forth)

Anamae: Can't take the - pressure…too much to think about…going insane!!!!!

Umah: Oh dear. Someone get a medic in here and help her. And someone check to see if the real director is awake yet!!!!!!