Raziel: All right, I am ready to go! (Fixes up his tights and vest, then turns to a crew member) How do I look?

Crew member: Buddy, I ain't gay but if I was then I guess if I was, like some other vampire around here, then I'd take you on! (Walks away carrying a lamp over one shoulder)

Kain: I AM NOT GAY!!!!!!!

Raziel: (Slightly confused) Was that good or bad?

Dumah: Don't ask me, I'm wearing my armour!

Raziel: You're not even going to consider getting into costume?

Dumah: What type of person wants to see me in tights? Seriously?

Raziel: Fangirls?

Dumah: (Snorts) Yeah, B.S. to that. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go and ask Janos the secret to the rice pudding that is served in the Sarafan fortress in Meridian. (Walks off)

Raziel: Someone has issues.

(Anamae comes in from the stage and looks at Raziel, then nods appreciatively)

Anamae: Hey, looking good Raz. And where could Benvolio be? (Looks for Benvolio) Oh my god, he hasn't been…eaten, has he? Actor playing Benvolio, you're up!!! Where are you now!?

(Melchiah comes in at that moment, looking a little bit rosier than he did five minutes ago. Of course after he hears Anamae calling for the Benvolio actor, the vampire does a neat little about turn and is about to head out when she grabs him but the umm, er…ah…chest)

Melchiah: (Nervously) Hi?

Anamae: (Dangerously) Did you eat the Benvolio actor?

Raziel: Don't answer that question if you want to live, little brother!

Melchiah: Maybe I did eat him and maybe I am going to make a nice pair of gloves out of the skin from his back!!!

Anamae: (Shrieks) NO!!!!

(People in the audience are silent for a few moments, and then a glyph knight speaks)

Glyph knight: And someone has died.

(The conversation resumes but for Melchiah in the wings it looks like the beginning of hell for him)

Anamae: First Dumah runs the first actor through and now you eat the second one? What is it, a curse against all Benvolio actors?

Melchiah: Seems so! Ack, please don't choke me!!! (Makes choking sound as Anamae's hands wrap around his throat)

Anamae: I'll kill you, Melchiah! I'll kill you!

Raziel: (Pulls Anamae off his youngest brother) Whoa girl, whoa! We'll find another actor, okay? There are about three understudies per main character, so that means there's one last understudy that we can go through, all right? Someone get the last understudy and tell him to make his will just in case!

(Melchiah weakly crawls away as the last understudy, a young man who looks very nervous, comes near the director)

Benvolio: Here, Ma'am!

Anamae: Just get onstage and play out the next scene with Raziel. Okay?

Benvolio: Alright!

(Walks onto the stage with Raziel behind him. Anamae groans, hoping that nothing bad will happen to him. Then she turns around and sees one peeved off Kain looking at her)

Anamae: Kain! What a nice surprise!

Kain: I. AM. NOT. GAY.

Anamae: Umm, could this wait until the next intermission? Kain? Kain, back away from me, you have that dangerous look in your eyes! Ariel, someone help me! Remember ruler of Nosgoth; you're up in this scene so you can't hurt me, which means that you might hurt yourself as well! Eep!!

(Onstage the curtain has risen once again, showing a crowded street with a magnificent backdrop that looks like it had been taken from Meridian's Upper City, which it indeed had been. Raziel and Benvolio the third enter from the right)

Raziel: (Makes a pose and the fangirls in the audience once again begin to swoon) Where the devil should this Romeo be?
Came he not home to-night?

Benvolio: Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.

Raziel: Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline.
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.

Benvolio: Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.

Raziel: A challenge, on my life.

Benvolio: Romeo will answer it.

Raziel: Any man that can write may answer a letter.

Benvolio: Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he
dares, being dared.

Raziel: Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to
encounter Tybalt?

Benvolio: Why, what is Tybalt?

Raziel: More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is
the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as
you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and
proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and
the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk
button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the
very first house, of the first and second cause:
ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the
hai!

Benvolio: The what?

Raziel: The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting
fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu,
a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good
whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing,
grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with
these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these
perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form,
that they cannot at ease on the old bench? O, their
bones, their bones!

(Backstage, Dumah is standing between Kain and Anamae to make sure that his father does not kill the young woman before the night is out)

Dumah: Is my character being slandered out there?

Anamae: No, they're just saying that Tybalt is the best fighter in all of Verona and that anyone who fights with him is already dead.

Dumah: Yes, just like in real life. (Smirks to himself and begins to polish his blade)

Anamae: You did get a fake blade this time, right?

Dumah: No.

Kain: (Hears his cue) And I must go now, but I am watching you, child. (Points threateningly to Anamae, then walks onstage)

Benvolio: Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.

Raziel: All right, you don't have to start chanting it, you moron. Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh,
how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers
that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a
kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to
be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy;
Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey
eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior
Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation
to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit
fairly last night.

Kain: (Gives the best smug look in the entire world) Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

Raziel: The slip.

Kain: Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in
such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

Raziel: (Looks at one of the people passing by and begins to feel a little hungry himself, now understanding what struck Melchiah) That's as much as to say, such a case as yours
constrains a man to bow in the hams.

Kain: Meaning, to court'sy.

Raziel: (Begins to look slightly angry) Thou hast most kindly hit it.

Kain: (Still with the smug look on his face) A most courteous exposition.

Raziel: Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.

Kain: Pink for flower.

Raziel: Right.

Kain: Why, then is my pump well flowered.

Raziel: (Says in a most un-Shakespearian way) What the hell does that mean, Romeo? Just get the bloody point and tell us where the hell you were last night! (Resumes back to his old self) Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have
done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of
thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five:
was I with you there for the goose?

Kain: Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast
not there for the goose.

Raziel: I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

Audience: Ewwwwww.

Kain: Nay, good goose, bite not.

Raziel: Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most
sharp sauce.

Kain: And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?

Raziel: O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an
inch narrow to an ell broad!

Kain: I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added
to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

Raziel: Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?
now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art
thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature:
for this drivelling love is like a great natural,
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.

(In the audience)

Suzu: What is Raziel getting at? Why is Kain playing all these mind games with him to begin with? I really feel sorry for Raziel!

Elder God: (Seated in the very back; whispers to Suzu) Because Kain likes to play mind games and if Raziel knew anything he would kill the master vampire where he stands. But Fate still has a few more cards to play in her hand before the final card is dealt.

Suzu: What?

Elder God: Oops, I am sorry, I spoke out of turn. Never mind anything that I have said, just go back and watch the show.

Marcus: Is anyone slightly concerned that there's a massive blue squid with one eye behind us calling himself a god?

Faustus: Ah, you get use to it. (Waves a hand dismissively)

(Back onstage)

Benvolio: Stop there, stop there.

Raziel: Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.

Benvolio: Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.

Raziel: O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:
for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and
meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.

Kain: Here's goodly gear!

(Points towards the left side of the stage; Zephon takes his cue and comes on. People in the audience begin to groan)

Some person in the Sarafan section: Oh dear god, I can't stand another long speech! AHHHHH!!! (Runs out of the theatre house and continues running until he meets up with the Pillars and then continues to run)

Zephon: Whatever. (Speaks in a high voice as he 'sways' up to the small group, stopping in front of Raziel and stomping on his foot with his high heel) God ye good morrow, gentlemen.

Raziel: (Pained voice) God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.

Zephon: Is it good den?

Raziel: 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the
dial is now upon the prick of noon. (Whispers to Zephon) Get off my foot, you jerk or you're going to regret it.

Zephon: Make me! Out upon you! what a man are you!

Kain: One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to
mar.

Zephon: By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,'
quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I
may find the young Romeo?

Kain: I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when
you have found him than he was when you sought him:
I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.

Zephon: (Looks Kain over and snickers slightly) You say well.

Raziel: Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith;
wisely, wisely.

Zephon: If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with
you.

Benvolio: She will indite him to some supper.

Raziel: (Slaps a hand on Benvolio's back and begins to laugh with him) A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!

Kain: What hast thou found?

Raziel: No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent. (Some music begins to play as at this point Raziel is meant to sing. Backstage Turel, Umah, Ariel, Malek, Janos, and anyone else with half a mind plug their ears shut. Raziel might be a talented fighter, and one good looking guy, but he sure as hell can't hit the notes) An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in lent
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score,
When it hoars ere it be spent.
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll
to dinner, thither.

Kain: Dear gods Raziel, you suck!! (Punches Raziel in the mouth to shut him up. Raziel falls back into the waiting arms of Benvolio and looks dazed for a few moments. Kain turns back to Zephon) I will follow you.

Raziel: (Still singing, if woozily, with a broken jaw) Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, 'lady, lady, lady.'
(Dragged offstage by Benvolio and that is the end of that)

Zephon: Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?

Kain: A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk,
and will speak more in a minute than he will stand
to in a month.

Zephon: (Serious for the moment) That's the real Raziel we all know of. An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him
down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such
Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall.
Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by
too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure? Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about
me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word:
and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you
out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself:
but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into
a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross
kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman
is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double
with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered
to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.

Kain: Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I
protest unto thee-

Zephon: Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much:
Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

Kain: What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.

Zephon: I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as
I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.

Kain: Bid her devise
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;
And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell
Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains. (Gives Zephon a pouch filled with blood instead of the usual money. Another one of the original director's ideas since there are so many vampires participating in the play)

Zephon: No truly sir; not a penny.

Kain: Go to; I say you shall.

Zephon: This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.

Kain: And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:
Within this hour my man shall be with thee
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.

Zephon: Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.

Kain: What say'st thou, my dear nurse?

Zephon: Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?

Kain: I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.

Zephon: Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady--Lord,
Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:--O, there
is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain
lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief
see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her
sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer
man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks
as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not
rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?

Kain: Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.

Zephon: Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for
the--No; I know it begins with some other
letter:--and she hath the prettiest sententious of
it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good
to hear it.

Kain: Commend me to thy lady.

Zephon: Aye, I shall. Good day to you, Romeo.

(Curtain falls and Kain sighs. Now with that out of the way, he can now go back to Anamae and complain about her saying he was gay before, which he is not! Zephon followed behind Kain and tapped his father on the shoulder)

Zephon: Did you really have to punch Raziel so hard?

Kain: His singing is awful. I've heard cats that can sing better than he can.

Zephon: Agreed, but now he will have a swollen jaw besides the black eye that he got from Moebius beforehand.

Kain: Whatever, like it matters to me.

Zephon: Father, can I ask you a question in all seriousness?

Kain: What?

Zephon: Are you really gay?

Kain: (Begins to pull at his white hair) No, I am not gay! I like wearing leather pants because they're the style in Nosgoth for all male vampires, I don't wear a shirt because I have one fine chest to show off to all the women, and I keep my hair long because it makes me look all the more beautiful. (Voice drops low) But then I could say that you are 'fruity' because of the dress you are wearing.

Zephon: Understood, father. I won't bring up this topic again. (Hurries off towards the water cooler) Idiot.

Kain: And now to get ready for the marriage of Romeo to Juliet! (Begins laughing evilly with a spotlight on him and sinister music floating through the air. People give the master vampire weird looks and hurry on while the crew members try and change the music as quickly as possible and move the spotlight away from Kain)

DHA: Hey, thank you everyone for signing the petition!! (Takes it from everyone and hands it to Moebius) All right, as you can see you are not wanted so get lost.

Moebius: You cannot get rid of me!

DHA: Yes I can! And everyone else doesn't want you around as well; that's why this petition was created and signed. Power to the people.

Moebius: I am the Guardian of Time, dear child and I do not have to go if I do not want to.

DHA: (Begins to panic slightly) Oh boy, maybe I didn't think this through entirely. (Turns to the reviewers) Here's the t-shirts for everyone as promised! And to anyone else whose reviwed this chapter as well, you get for a limited time the LoK 'Romeo and Juliet' coffee mug! (The reviewers, characters from the other fanfics/play and audience members all grab the nice 100% cotton t-shirts and place them on, grinning insanely)

Moebius: This is not over yet, Anamae! Just you wait.

DHA: Umm, I think I might need a little help getting rid of Moebius now. Anyone, hello, someone help me here!!! Old man at 12 o'clock who looks pissed off at me! AIIIIIIEEEEE!!!