(Backstage)
Umah: Well, everyone is assembled backstage save for Kain and Ariel. (Turns to Janos) Where did they go?
Janos: (Shrugs) Don't look at me. Just because I am the oldest person in the play doesn't mean I know everything!
(Suddenly Ariel and Kain almost waltz up the stairs to the backstage. They look at the cast, and the cast stares back at them. They look at the rumpled wedding gown on Ariel, Kain's rumpled costume, not to mention the lipstick on Kain's face and the blush spreading across his pale cheeks. Utter silence. Then…)
Melchiah: (Turns to Malek) Aha! I told you they were off somewhere smooching. Now pay up, Pillar of Conflict!
Malek: (Hands Melchiah two gold coins) I'll get you back for this, you stupid vampire. I swear to the higher powers I will.
Dumah: (Comes running through the crowd screaming his head off) Someone help me!!! I hate wearing tights! (Points to the white tights he's wearing) This is undignified! This is stupid! Get me outta this costume!
Costume designer: Come back here, vhampire! (Pushes through the crowd towards Dumah)
Dumah: AHHH! No, get off me! I don't want to wear that vest; it isn't purple!
Kain: (Walks over to Dumah) Stop being such a baby and accept it, Dumah. (Kicks him in the ribs)
Costume designer: Vhank you. (Drags Dumah off again to finish his costume)
Vorador: Well Kain, it seems you and Ariel have been…busy to say the least. (Winks at them)
Kain: No, no, we weren't doing anything wrong or anything like that. We were…talking.
Ariel: (Looks over at Kain and nods) Yes, we were talking and the conversation became very…intimate, one might say.
Vorador: (Looks at the two and nods) Riiiigggghhhhhhttttt. Kain, this is for you and Ariel then; think of it as a present from me. There's no shame in it because it's all very natural. And after the play's finished, you two can continue what you guys were doing before. (Hands Kain one of those books)
Kain: ….
Ariel: (Nervously) Thank you very much, Vorador.
Vorador: Don't mention it. Poor Nupraptor…. whatever. He was an idiot to say the least.
Ariel: And now I have to go and get changed. (Floats off to her dressing room)
Kain: (Looking at the book) …Is this even possible?
Turel: (Walking by and sees the book; looks at the image) Only if you're extremely flexible.
Kain: (Suspiciously) And how would you know?
Turel: Ummmm, I have my ways dad. Oh look, I think I'm needed over there, in that spot where nothing is happening because with the look you're giving me I feel I'm going to have the stuffing beat out of me. (Walks over to the unoccupied corner and goes into his own little world)
Rahab: The Act's starting soon! Where's Anamae?
(In the destroyed hall of the theatre house)
Anamae: (Looks at the broken walls, ceiling, the fallen chandelier, and the food stands) Great, I bet I'll be held responsible for this mess. (Looks at her watch) And now the next Act is starting and I'm going to be late for my cue.
???: (Sobbing)
Anamae: Hello, who's that?
???: No one…
Anamae: Sounds like a…(Rounds the corner and sees the broken form of Moebius after Sebastian has beaten the life out of him)…a broken old man.
Moebius: Go away, I don't want you to see me like this!!!
Anamae: Alright. (Begins to walk away)
Moebius: Wait a minute! I don't really mean for you to walk away. I think I have internal bleeding; in desperate need of medical attention.
Anamae: (Hands over her ears) I can't hear you! (Walks around to the backstage and sees everyone running around and getting ready) All right, the people needed for this scene are Raziel, the Benvolio understudy, and the third one if I am correct, Dumah…
Dumah: (Running around the stage from the costume designer) Ahhh!!!!!! Don't come near me, you demoness from Hell!!!
Costume designer: I'm not a full demoness; only 1/8th!!
Anamae: …a couple of pages, servants which means all the extras over here! (Points to the edge of the wings) And Kain as well as Turel, Vorador, Umah, Janos and Melchiah. Wow, this scene is massive.
Umah: Understandable. We have practiced our lines and it will go off smoothly.
Raziel: Wait a minute. This is where Mercutio dies; I die by Dumah's hand!
Dumah: (Stops running around and screaming and looks very interested) Really?
Raziel: Yes.
Dumah: And this is where I will show that Romeo will not kill Tybalt; I shall rule Verona after all!!!!
Janos: Are you going still try and change the play?
Dumah: Yes, I will change my destiny!
Kain: Where have I heard that before?
Raziel: From a videogame, I think.
Vorador: Shush, we can't tell anyone!
Melchiah: About what?
Vorador: The videogames!
Turel: What are you getting at?
Vorador: I cannot say, only that it is important that I say no more. The conspiracy behind such a thing is better left alone; if I told you all what I knew then I would have to skin you all alive and eat out your hearts and brains. Then I shall assume my true destiny. (Strikes a pose) I shall become King of the Videogame Industry.
(Blank stares from everyone)
Anamae: OOOkkkkkaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!! (Picks up a microphone) Places everyone. Lights, sound effects, curtain!!! Ready in ten seconds!!!
(Everyone makes the last few frantic preparations as the ten seconds tick down. In the audience, everyone has taken their places and eagerly await the next Act. The curtains rise up once more, showing this time a backdrop taken right out of Willendorf; one can see the library, the bakery, and even in the distance the castle. Raziel, Benvolio, some servants and a couple of pages enter in from the wings, moving effortlessly with the crowd and come to stand in the foreground)
Benvolio: I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire:
The day is hot, the Capulets abroad,
And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl;
For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.
Raziel: Thou art like one of those fellows that when he
enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword
upon the table and says 'God send me no need of
thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws
it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.
Benvolio: Am I like such a fellow?
(The servants and pages begin to play cards in the background)
Raziel: Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as
any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as
soon moody to be moved.
Benvolio: And what to?
Raziel: Nay, an there were two such, we should have none
shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why,
thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more,
or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou
wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no
other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what
eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel?
Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of
meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as
an egg for quarrelling…
(Looks to see the other actors playing cards. They see the vampire Lieutenant giving them a stern look and they put the cards away and replace it with a chessboard)
Raziel: …thou hast quarrelled with a
man for coughing in the street, because he hath
wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun:
didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing
his new doublet before Easter? with another, for
tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou
wilt tutor me from quarrelling!
Benvolio: An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man
should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.
Raziel: The fee-simple! O simple!
Benvolio: By my head, here come the Capulets.
Raziel: By my heel, I care not.
(Dumah enters from the wings, dressed in a purple vest, the ever-present fluffy white shirt, the white tights and the high black boots. The costume designer even got him to wear the 14th century hat with a long ostrich plumb in it)
Dumahim vampire in the audience: Is that Lord Dumah?
Other Dumahim vampire: I don't know. He looks…different.
Rahabim vampire: Without his leather pants he doesn't look so dignified.
Zephonim vampire: Can I vomit in your popcorn bag? (Looks over at the Rahabim vampire)
Rahabim vampire: (Edges away) No.
(Dumah walks with a purposeful gait towards Raziel, murder gleaming in his eyes. He carries with him his broadsword, the same one he used to kill the first Benvolio in the first Act. Some people snicker at seeing the Clan Lord like so, but after Dumah gives the audience a 'look' they all fall silent. Not all wish to suddenly burst into flame or blow up. Dumah snaps his fingers to one of the servants behind him)
Dumah: Follow me close, for I will speak to them.
Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.
Raziel: And but one word with one of us? couple it with
something; make it a word and a blow.
Dumah: You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you
will give me occasion.
Raziel: Could you not take some occasion without giving?
Dumah: Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo,--
Raziel: (Looks indignant, which is hard with his beaten up face) Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an
thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but
discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall
make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!
Benvolio: We talk here in the public haunt of men:
Either withdraw unto some private place,
And reason coldly of your grievances,
Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.
Raziel: Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;
I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I. (Turns to the people playing chess) Will you for god sake's stop that and just watch us actors act?! It makes me sick!
1st actor: Sorry.
Raziel: Don't be sorry, just stop.
2nd actor: We're sorry.
Dumah: Stop saying sorry.
3rd actor: We're really sorry!
Raziel & Dumah: That's it! (Both draw their swords and kill the three actors; then wipe the blades and wait for the next line. Kain comes breezing in, dressed back in his old costume)
Dumah: Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.
Raziel: But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery:
Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower;
Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.'
Dumah: Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford
No better term than this,--thou art a villain.
(Silence in the audience. Then the Sarafan Lord stands up from the balcony and claps his hands)
Sarafan Lord: Finally, someone who knows that Kain is indeed the villain and that we Hylden-
Vorador: (Looks out from behind the curtains) What's the Sarafan Lord doing here?
Umah: We're all going to die!!!!!!
Anamae: (Runs out onstage and points her microphone towards the Sarafan Lord) No, no, no! The deal was you come in for free and you shut the hell up!!!!!! Don't go messing around with this play, buddy, or else I'm going to come up there and attack you with…a can opener! Yes, I'll open up your armour and pry you out of it, then beat you over the head with the Soul Reaver!
Kain: No, you will not!
Sarafan Lord: Kain, that sword is my rightful property!
Kain: No way! I wrote my name on the blade, right here! (Points to his name etched on the blade)
Sarafan Lord: Damn you Kain, you haven't won the war yet! I will find a way to beat you yet! And I shall kill all the vampires here as well!!!
Audience: (Starts screaming)
Anamae: SHUT UP!!!!!!! EVERYONE SHUT UP! (Everyone does shut up; the authoress points to the Sarafan Lord) Either be quiet or get lost, buddy. You do not want to see me mad! Everyone in the audience, sit down and be quiet. No one's going to be killed. The play will go on! (Rushes offstage and motions for everyone to continue)
Kain: (Looking warily at the Sarafan Lord) Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee
Doth much excuse the appertaining rage
To such a greeting: villain am I none;
Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.
Dumah: Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries
That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.
Kain: I do protest, I never injured thee,
But love thee better than thou canst devise,
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:
And so, good Capulet,--which name I tender
As dearly as my own,--be satisfied.
Raziel: O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!
Alla stoccata carries it away. (Draws his sword, which is a simple rapier) Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?
Dumah: What wouldst thou have with me?
Raziel: Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine
lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you
shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the
eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher
by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your
ears ere it be out.
Dumah: (Draws his broadsword) I am for you.
Kain: Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.
Raziel: Never!
(Raziel and Dumah clash; their swords ring out in the silence of the theatre. The music cues up to something like climatic battle music. Dumah charges Raziel but the first-born darts to the side. Then Raziel tries to slash upwards, aiming for Dumah's throat, but the third-born steps back and Raziel goes wide. The audience is cheering now, some even standing up in their seats)
Kain: (Shouting now) Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.
Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!
Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath
Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:
Hold, Tybalt! good Mercutio!
(Raziel moved quickly behind Kain, thinking that hell yeah, he was going to die, but he might as well take Kain out with him for the hell of it. Unfortunately, Kain moves at the last moment as Dumah charges and the Lord of Clan Dumahim sword cuts under Raziel's ribs; the blood fountains up and over into the crowd. People begin to cry out as Raziel theatrically drops to his knees, clutching his wound. Dumah and his followers quickly leave the stage)
Raziel: I am hurt.
A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.
Is he gone, and hath nothing?
Benvolio: What, art thou hurt?
Raziel: (Sarcastically) No, I've only been gutted, you idiot! Of course I'm hurt; I'm bleeding you moronic nincompoop! Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.
Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.
(The page that was not killed runs offstage)
Kain: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
Raziel: B.S. You moved out of the way, you coward!
Kain: I don't die just yet! Stick to your lines! (Holds Raziel in his arms)
Raziel: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a
church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for
me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I
am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o'
both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a
cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a
rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of
arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I
was hurt under your arm.
Kain: I thought all for the best.
Raziel: Help me into some house, Benvolio,
Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses!
They have made worms' meat of me: I have it,
And soundly too: your houses!
(Benvolio picks up the bleeding Raziel and they go offstage as well. In the audience, everything's a tizzy)
Marcus: So is he dead or just faking it?
Faustus: That blood looked rather real…
Suzu: Someone should go and check on him to make sure he's all right. (They look at each other, and then shrug their shoulder unconcerned and go back to watching the play)
Kain: This gentleman, the prince's near ally,
My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt
In my behalf; my reputation stain'd
With Tybalt's slander,--Tybalt, that an hour
Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Juliet,
Thy beauty hath made me effeminate
And in my temper soften'd valour's steel!
(Benvolio rushes back onstage)
Benvolio: O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio's dead!
That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds,
Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.
(In the crowd, the Raziel fangirls begin to faint and scream; some even cry)
Kain: This day's black fate on more days doth depend;
This but begins the woe, others must end.
Benvolio: Here comes the furious Tybalt back again.
Kain: Alive, in triumph! and Mercutio slain!
Away to heaven, respective lenity,
And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!
(Dumah comes back onstage to much booing and hissing)
Kain: Now, Tybalt, take the villain back again,
That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul
Is but a little way above our heads,
Staying for thine to keep him company:
Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.
Dumah: Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here,
Shalt with him hence. (Thinking to himself) Only now I will change the play, Romeo will die and Tybalt will live!
(Backstage)
Anamae: Vorador, if things don't work out, then we spray Dumah with water and get him out, all right?
Vorador: All right. But that won't be nessecasry.
Anamae: Why not?
Umah: Kain has the Soul Reaver, Dumah a broadsword. Do the math; who do you think is going to win?
Anamae: (Grins) I see.
(Unfortunately Dumah just realized this earth-shattering piece of information as Kain did draw the Soul Reaver. Looking down at his own pathetic sword, Dumah grins nervously as his father begins to advance on him)
Dumah: Romeo, buddy, let's talk this through! (Ducks underneath a swing from the Soul Reaver) Okay, Mercutio was your friend and I am kinda sorry I killed him- (Jumps away from another dangerous swing) -but can't we let bygone's be bygone's?!
Bane: Kain doesn't think like that!
Mortanius: (Sipping his soda) Agreed.
(As Dumah turns to run off-stage, now the coward, he trips on a piece of wood and falls flat on his face)
Kain: VAE VICTUS!!! (Brings the Soul Reaver down just in the space between Dumah's left side and arm) DIE, Tybalt! My kinsman is avenged!
Dumah: (Pathetically) And fate…was unkind…but at least I'm not really dead…and I don't work in videogame…development! (Pretends to die)
Benvolio: Romeo, away, be gone!
The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain.
Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death,
If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!
Kain: O, I am fortune's fool!
Benvolio: Why dost thou stay?
(Kain flees off wing; then Vorador, Umah, Melchiah and Janos come on-stage followed by the angry townsfolk)
First citizen: Which way ran he that kill'd Mercutio?
Tybalt, that murderer, which way ran he?
Benvolio: There lies that Tybalt. (Points to the 'body')
First citizen: Up, sir, go with me;
I charge thee in the princes name, obey.
(Turel enters)
Turel: Oh, this is not good! Where are the vile beginners of this fray?
Benvolio: O noble prince, I can discover all
The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl:
There lies the man, slain by young Romeo,
That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio.
Melchiah: (Pretends to weep and clings to Janos' arm) Tybalt, my cousin! O my brother's child!
O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt
O my dear kinsman! Prince, as thou art true,
For blood of ours, shed blood of Montague.
O cousin, cousin!
Turel: Benvolio, who began this bloody fray?
Benvolio: Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay;
Romeo that spoke him fair, bade him bethink
How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal
Your high displeasure: all this uttered
With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd,
Could not take truce with the unruly spleen
Of Tybalt deaf to peace, but that he tilts
With piercing steel at bold Mercutio's breast,
Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point,
And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats
Cold death aside, and with the other sends
It back to Tybalt, whose dexterity,
Retorts it: Romeo he cries aloud,
'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than
his tongue,
His agile arm beats down their fatal points,
And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm
An envious thrust from Tybalt hit the life
Of stout Mercutio, and then Tybalt fled;
But by and by comes back to Romeo,
Who had but newly entertain'd revenge,
And to 't they go like lightning, for, ere I
Could draw to part them, was stout Tybalt slain.
And, as he fell, did Romeo turn and fly.
This is the truth, or let Benvolio die. (Thinking to himself) Oh please don't let me die!
Melchiah: He is a kinsman to the Montague;
Affection makes him false; he speaks not true:
Some twenty of them fought in this black strife,
And all those twenty could but kill one life.
I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give;
Romeo slew Tybalt, Romeo must not live.
Turel: Romeo slew him, he slew Mercutio;
Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?
Vorador: Not Romeo, prince, he was Mercutio's friend;
His fault concludes but what the law should end,
The life of Tybalt.
Turel: And for that offence
Immediately we do exile him hence:
I have an interest in your hate's proceeding,
My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding;
But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine
That you shall all repent the loss of mine:
I will be deaf to pleading and excuses;
Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses:
Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste,
Else, when he's found, that hour is his last.
Bear hence this body and attend our will:
Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.
(The curtain falls and the lights dim; the end of Scene 1 of Act 3. Dumah picks himself up and walks quickly backstage, looking for Raziel. He sees him sitting down on a chair, surrounded by concerned fangirls)
Raziel: No, I'm fine. See, the blood is only fake. Nothing can kill me, the great and beautiful Raziel! (Looks up and sees Dumah) Hello, brother.
Dumah: …I hate you. (Walks off to Kain; looks at his father) I hate you, too.
Kain: Why? It's only a play.
Dumah: You had the Soul Reaver.
Kain: So? You were trying to change the whole play; I could not allow that!
Dumah: …I still hate you. (Walks off)
Anamae: What was that all about?
Malek: (Comes up beside her) When a warrior dies, they usually do not forgive those that killed them. I am living proof to that!
Anamae: Get away from me. (Raises her microphone) Alright, everyone get ready for the second scene!!!!!
Umah: Well, everyone is assembled backstage save for Kain and Ariel. (Turns to Janos) Where did they go?
Janos: (Shrugs) Don't look at me. Just because I am the oldest person in the play doesn't mean I know everything!
(Suddenly Ariel and Kain almost waltz up the stairs to the backstage. They look at the cast, and the cast stares back at them. They look at the rumpled wedding gown on Ariel, Kain's rumpled costume, not to mention the lipstick on Kain's face and the blush spreading across his pale cheeks. Utter silence. Then…)
Melchiah: (Turns to Malek) Aha! I told you they were off somewhere smooching. Now pay up, Pillar of Conflict!
Malek: (Hands Melchiah two gold coins) I'll get you back for this, you stupid vampire. I swear to the higher powers I will.
Dumah: (Comes running through the crowd screaming his head off) Someone help me!!! I hate wearing tights! (Points to the white tights he's wearing) This is undignified! This is stupid! Get me outta this costume!
Costume designer: Come back here, vhampire! (Pushes through the crowd towards Dumah)
Dumah: AHHH! No, get off me! I don't want to wear that vest; it isn't purple!
Kain: (Walks over to Dumah) Stop being such a baby and accept it, Dumah. (Kicks him in the ribs)
Costume designer: Vhank you. (Drags Dumah off again to finish his costume)
Vorador: Well Kain, it seems you and Ariel have been…busy to say the least. (Winks at them)
Kain: No, no, we weren't doing anything wrong or anything like that. We were…talking.
Ariel: (Looks over at Kain and nods) Yes, we were talking and the conversation became very…intimate, one might say.
Vorador: (Looks at the two and nods) Riiiigggghhhhhhttttt. Kain, this is for you and Ariel then; think of it as a present from me. There's no shame in it because it's all very natural. And after the play's finished, you two can continue what you guys were doing before. (Hands Kain one of those books)
Kain: ….
Ariel: (Nervously) Thank you very much, Vorador.
Vorador: Don't mention it. Poor Nupraptor…. whatever. He was an idiot to say the least.
Ariel: And now I have to go and get changed. (Floats off to her dressing room)
Kain: (Looking at the book) …Is this even possible?
Turel: (Walking by and sees the book; looks at the image) Only if you're extremely flexible.
Kain: (Suspiciously) And how would you know?
Turel: Ummmm, I have my ways dad. Oh look, I think I'm needed over there, in that spot where nothing is happening because with the look you're giving me I feel I'm going to have the stuffing beat out of me. (Walks over to the unoccupied corner and goes into his own little world)
Rahab: The Act's starting soon! Where's Anamae?
(In the destroyed hall of the theatre house)
Anamae: (Looks at the broken walls, ceiling, the fallen chandelier, and the food stands) Great, I bet I'll be held responsible for this mess. (Looks at her watch) And now the next Act is starting and I'm going to be late for my cue.
???: (Sobbing)
Anamae: Hello, who's that?
???: No one…
Anamae: Sounds like a…(Rounds the corner and sees the broken form of Moebius after Sebastian has beaten the life out of him)…a broken old man.
Moebius: Go away, I don't want you to see me like this!!!
Anamae: Alright. (Begins to walk away)
Moebius: Wait a minute! I don't really mean for you to walk away. I think I have internal bleeding; in desperate need of medical attention.
Anamae: (Hands over her ears) I can't hear you! (Walks around to the backstage and sees everyone running around and getting ready) All right, the people needed for this scene are Raziel, the Benvolio understudy, and the third one if I am correct, Dumah…
Dumah: (Running around the stage from the costume designer) Ahhh!!!!!! Don't come near me, you demoness from Hell!!!
Costume designer: I'm not a full demoness; only 1/8th!!
Anamae: …a couple of pages, servants which means all the extras over here! (Points to the edge of the wings) And Kain as well as Turel, Vorador, Umah, Janos and Melchiah. Wow, this scene is massive.
Umah: Understandable. We have practiced our lines and it will go off smoothly.
Raziel: Wait a minute. This is where Mercutio dies; I die by Dumah's hand!
Dumah: (Stops running around and screaming and looks very interested) Really?
Raziel: Yes.
Dumah: And this is where I will show that Romeo will not kill Tybalt; I shall rule Verona after all!!!!
Janos: Are you going still try and change the play?
Dumah: Yes, I will change my destiny!
Kain: Where have I heard that before?
Raziel: From a videogame, I think.
Vorador: Shush, we can't tell anyone!
Melchiah: About what?
Vorador: The videogames!
Turel: What are you getting at?
Vorador: I cannot say, only that it is important that I say no more. The conspiracy behind such a thing is better left alone; if I told you all what I knew then I would have to skin you all alive and eat out your hearts and brains. Then I shall assume my true destiny. (Strikes a pose) I shall become King of the Videogame Industry.
(Blank stares from everyone)
Anamae: OOOkkkkkaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!! (Picks up a microphone) Places everyone. Lights, sound effects, curtain!!! Ready in ten seconds!!!
(Everyone makes the last few frantic preparations as the ten seconds tick down. In the audience, everyone has taken their places and eagerly await the next Act. The curtains rise up once more, showing this time a backdrop taken right out of Willendorf; one can see the library, the bakery, and even in the distance the castle. Raziel, Benvolio, some servants and a couple of pages enter in from the wings, moving effortlessly with the crowd and come to stand in the foreground)
Benvolio: I pray thee, good Mercutio, let's retire:
The day is hot, the Capulets abroad,
And, if we meet, we shall not scape a brawl;
For now, these hot days, is the mad blood stirring.
Raziel: Thou art like one of those fellows that when he
enters the confines of a tavern claps me his sword
upon the table and says 'God send me no need of
thee!' and by the operation of the second cup draws
it on the drawer, when indeed there is no need.
Benvolio: Am I like such a fellow?
(The servants and pages begin to play cards in the background)
Raziel: Come, come, thou art as hot a Jack in thy mood as
any in Italy, and as soon moved to be moody, and as
soon moody to be moved.
Benvolio: And what to?
Raziel: Nay, an there were two such, we should have none
shortly, for one would kill the other. Thou! why,
thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more,
or a hair less, in his beard, than thou hast: thou
wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts, having no
other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes: what
eye but such an eye would spy out such a quarrel?
Thy head is as fun of quarrels as an egg is full of
meat, and yet thy head hath been beaten as addle as
an egg for quarrelling…
(Looks to see the other actors playing cards. They see the vampire Lieutenant giving them a stern look and they put the cards away and replace it with a chessboard)
Raziel: …thou hast quarrelled with a
man for coughing in the street, because he hath
wakened thy dog that hath lain asleep in the sun:
didst thou not fall out with a tailor for wearing
his new doublet before Easter? with another, for
tying his new shoes with old riband? and yet thou
wilt tutor me from quarrelling!
Benvolio: An I were so apt to quarrel as thou art, any man
should buy the fee-simple of my life for an hour and a quarter.
Raziel: The fee-simple! O simple!
Benvolio: By my head, here come the Capulets.
Raziel: By my heel, I care not.
(Dumah enters from the wings, dressed in a purple vest, the ever-present fluffy white shirt, the white tights and the high black boots. The costume designer even got him to wear the 14th century hat with a long ostrich plumb in it)
Dumahim vampire in the audience: Is that Lord Dumah?
Other Dumahim vampire: I don't know. He looks…different.
Rahabim vampire: Without his leather pants he doesn't look so dignified.
Zephonim vampire: Can I vomit in your popcorn bag? (Looks over at the Rahabim vampire)
Rahabim vampire: (Edges away) No.
(Dumah walks with a purposeful gait towards Raziel, murder gleaming in his eyes. He carries with him his broadsword, the same one he used to kill the first Benvolio in the first Act. Some people snicker at seeing the Clan Lord like so, but after Dumah gives the audience a 'look' they all fall silent. Not all wish to suddenly burst into flame or blow up. Dumah snaps his fingers to one of the servants behind him)
Dumah: Follow me close, for I will speak to them.
Gentlemen, good den: a word with one of you.
Raziel: And but one word with one of us? couple it with
something; make it a word and a blow.
Dumah: You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you
will give me occasion.
Raziel: Could you not take some occasion without giving?
Dumah: Mercutio, thou consort'st with Romeo,--
Raziel: (Looks indignant, which is hard with his beaten up face) Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? an
thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but
discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall
make you dance. 'Zounds, consort!
Benvolio: We talk here in the public haunt of men:
Either withdraw unto some private place,
And reason coldly of your grievances,
Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.
Raziel: Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze;
I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I. (Turns to the people playing chess) Will you for god sake's stop that and just watch us actors act?! It makes me sick!
1st actor: Sorry.
Raziel: Don't be sorry, just stop.
2nd actor: We're sorry.
Dumah: Stop saying sorry.
3rd actor: We're really sorry!
Raziel & Dumah: That's it! (Both draw their swords and kill the three actors; then wipe the blades and wait for the next line. Kain comes breezing in, dressed back in his old costume)
Dumah: Well, peace be with you, sir: here comes my man.
Raziel: But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery:
Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower;
Your worship in that sense may call him 'man.'
Dumah: Romeo, the hate I bear thee can afford
No better term than this,--thou art a villain.
(Silence in the audience. Then the Sarafan Lord stands up from the balcony and claps his hands)
Sarafan Lord: Finally, someone who knows that Kain is indeed the villain and that we Hylden-
Vorador: (Looks out from behind the curtains) What's the Sarafan Lord doing here?
Umah: We're all going to die!!!!!!
Anamae: (Runs out onstage and points her microphone towards the Sarafan Lord) No, no, no! The deal was you come in for free and you shut the hell up!!!!!! Don't go messing around with this play, buddy, or else I'm going to come up there and attack you with…a can opener! Yes, I'll open up your armour and pry you out of it, then beat you over the head with the Soul Reaver!
Kain: No, you will not!
Sarafan Lord: Kain, that sword is my rightful property!
Kain: No way! I wrote my name on the blade, right here! (Points to his name etched on the blade)
Sarafan Lord: Damn you Kain, you haven't won the war yet! I will find a way to beat you yet! And I shall kill all the vampires here as well!!!
Audience: (Starts screaming)
Anamae: SHUT UP!!!!!!! EVERYONE SHUT UP! (Everyone does shut up; the authoress points to the Sarafan Lord) Either be quiet or get lost, buddy. You do not want to see me mad! Everyone in the audience, sit down and be quiet. No one's going to be killed. The play will go on! (Rushes offstage and motions for everyone to continue)
Kain: (Looking warily at the Sarafan Lord) Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee
Doth much excuse the appertaining rage
To such a greeting: villain am I none;
Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.
Dumah: Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries
That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.
Kain: I do protest, I never injured thee,
But love thee better than thou canst devise,
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love:
And so, good Capulet,--which name I tender
As dearly as my own,--be satisfied.
Raziel: O calm, dishonourable, vile submission!
Alla stoccata carries it away. (Draws his sword, which is a simple rapier) Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?
Dumah: What wouldst thou have with me?
Raziel: Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine
lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and as you
shall use me hereafter, drybeat the rest of the
eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher
by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your
ears ere it be out.
Dumah: (Draws his broadsword) I am for you.
Kain: Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.
Raziel: Never!
(Raziel and Dumah clash; their swords ring out in the silence of the theatre. The music cues up to something like climatic battle music. Dumah charges Raziel but the first-born darts to the side. Then Raziel tries to slash upwards, aiming for Dumah's throat, but the third-born steps back and Raziel goes wide. The audience is cheering now, some even standing up in their seats)
Kain: (Shouting now) Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.
Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!
Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath
Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:
Hold, Tybalt! good Mercutio!
(Raziel moved quickly behind Kain, thinking that hell yeah, he was going to die, but he might as well take Kain out with him for the hell of it. Unfortunately, Kain moves at the last moment as Dumah charges and the Lord of Clan Dumahim sword cuts under Raziel's ribs; the blood fountains up and over into the crowd. People begin to cry out as Raziel theatrically drops to his knees, clutching his wound. Dumah and his followers quickly leave the stage)
Raziel: I am hurt.
A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.
Is he gone, and hath nothing?
Benvolio: What, art thou hurt?
Raziel: (Sarcastically) No, I've only been gutted, you idiot! Of course I'm hurt; I'm bleeding you moronic nincompoop! Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.
Where is my page? Go, villain, fetch a surgeon.
(The page that was not killed runs offstage)
Kain: Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.
Raziel: B.S. You moved out of the way, you coward!
Kain: I don't die just yet! Stick to your lines! (Holds Raziel in his arms)
Raziel: No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a
church-door; but 'tis enough,'twill serve: ask for
me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I
am peppered, I warrant, for this world. A plague o'
both your houses! 'Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a
cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a
rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of
arithmetic! Why the devil came you between us? I
was hurt under your arm.
Kain: I thought all for the best.
Raziel: Help me into some house, Benvolio,
Or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses!
They have made worms' meat of me: I have it,
And soundly too: your houses!
(Benvolio picks up the bleeding Raziel and they go offstage as well. In the audience, everything's a tizzy)
Marcus: So is he dead or just faking it?
Faustus: That blood looked rather real…
Suzu: Someone should go and check on him to make sure he's all right. (They look at each other, and then shrug their shoulder unconcerned and go back to watching the play)
Kain: This gentleman, the prince's near ally,
My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt
In my behalf; my reputation stain'd
With Tybalt's slander,--Tybalt, that an hour
Hath been my kinsman! O sweet Juliet,
Thy beauty hath made me effeminate
And in my temper soften'd valour's steel!
(Benvolio rushes back onstage)
Benvolio: O Romeo, Romeo, brave Mercutio's dead!
That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds,
Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.
(In the crowd, the Raziel fangirls begin to faint and scream; some even cry)
Kain: This day's black fate on more days doth depend;
This but begins the woe, others must end.
Benvolio: Here comes the furious Tybalt back again.
Kain: Alive, in triumph! and Mercutio slain!
Away to heaven, respective lenity,
And fire-eyed fury be my conduct now!
(Dumah comes back onstage to much booing and hissing)
Kain: Now, Tybalt, take the villain back again,
That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul
Is but a little way above our heads,
Staying for thine to keep him company:
Either thou, or I, or both, must go with him.
Dumah: Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here,
Shalt with him hence. (Thinking to himself) Only now I will change the play, Romeo will die and Tybalt will live!
(Backstage)
Anamae: Vorador, if things don't work out, then we spray Dumah with water and get him out, all right?
Vorador: All right. But that won't be nessecasry.
Anamae: Why not?
Umah: Kain has the Soul Reaver, Dumah a broadsword. Do the math; who do you think is going to win?
Anamae: (Grins) I see.
(Unfortunately Dumah just realized this earth-shattering piece of information as Kain did draw the Soul Reaver. Looking down at his own pathetic sword, Dumah grins nervously as his father begins to advance on him)
Dumah: Romeo, buddy, let's talk this through! (Ducks underneath a swing from the Soul Reaver) Okay, Mercutio was your friend and I am kinda sorry I killed him- (Jumps away from another dangerous swing) -but can't we let bygone's be bygone's?!
Bane: Kain doesn't think like that!
Mortanius: (Sipping his soda) Agreed.
(As Dumah turns to run off-stage, now the coward, he trips on a piece of wood and falls flat on his face)
Kain: VAE VICTUS!!! (Brings the Soul Reaver down just in the space between Dumah's left side and arm) DIE, Tybalt! My kinsman is avenged!
Dumah: (Pathetically) And fate…was unkind…but at least I'm not really dead…and I don't work in videogame…development! (Pretends to die)
Benvolio: Romeo, away, be gone!
The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain.
Stand not amazed: the prince will doom thee death,
If thou art taken: hence, be gone, away!
Kain: O, I am fortune's fool!
Benvolio: Why dost thou stay?
(Kain flees off wing; then Vorador, Umah, Melchiah and Janos come on-stage followed by the angry townsfolk)
First citizen: Which way ran he that kill'd Mercutio?
Tybalt, that murderer, which way ran he?
Benvolio: There lies that Tybalt. (Points to the 'body')
First citizen: Up, sir, go with me;
I charge thee in the princes name, obey.
(Turel enters)
Turel: Oh, this is not good! Where are the vile beginners of this fray?
Benvolio: O noble prince, I can discover all
The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl:
There lies the man, slain by young Romeo,
That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio.
Melchiah: (Pretends to weep and clings to Janos' arm) Tybalt, my cousin! O my brother's child!
O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt
O my dear kinsman! Prince, as thou art true,
For blood of ours, shed blood of Montague.
O cousin, cousin!
Turel: Benvolio, who began this bloody fray?
Benvolio: Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay;
Romeo that spoke him fair, bade him bethink
How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal
Your high displeasure: all this uttered
With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd,
Could not take truce with the unruly spleen
Of Tybalt deaf to peace, but that he tilts
With piercing steel at bold Mercutio's breast,
Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point,
And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats
Cold death aside, and with the other sends
It back to Tybalt, whose dexterity,
Retorts it: Romeo he cries aloud,
'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than
his tongue,
His agile arm beats down their fatal points,
And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm
An envious thrust from Tybalt hit the life
Of stout Mercutio, and then Tybalt fled;
But by and by comes back to Romeo,
Who had but newly entertain'd revenge,
And to 't they go like lightning, for, ere I
Could draw to part them, was stout Tybalt slain.
And, as he fell, did Romeo turn and fly.
This is the truth, or let Benvolio die. (Thinking to himself) Oh please don't let me die!
Melchiah: He is a kinsman to the Montague;
Affection makes him false; he speaks not true:
Some twenty of them fought in this black strife,
And all those twenty could but kill one life.
I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give;
Romeo slew Tybalt, Romeo must not live.
Turel: Romeo slew him, he slew Mercutio;
Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?
Vorador: Not Romeo, prince, he was Mercutio's friend;
His fault concludes but what the law should end,
The life of Tybalt.
Turel: And for that offence
Immediately we do exile him hence:
I have an interest in your hate's proceeding,
My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding;
But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine
That you shall all repent the loss of mine:
I will be deaf to pleading and excuses;
Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses:
Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste,
Else, when he's found, that hour is his last.
Bear hence this body and attend our will:
Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.
(The curtain falls and the lights dim; the end of Scene 1 of Act 3. Dumah picks himself up and walks quickly backstage, looking for Raziel. He sees him sitting down on a chair, surrounded by concerned fangirls)
Raziel: No, I'm fine. See, the blood is only fake. Nothing can kill me, the great and beautiful Raziel! (Looks up and sees Dumah) Hello, brother.
Dumah: …I hate you. (Walks off to Kain; looks at his father) I hate you, too.
Kain: Why? It's only a play.
Dumah: You had the Soul Reaver.
Kain: So? You were trying to change the whole play; I could not allow that!
Dumah: …I still hate you. (Walks off)
Anamae: What was that all about?
Malek: (Comes up beside her) When a warrior dies, they usually do not forgive those that killed them. I am living proof to that!
Anamae: Get away from me. (Raises her microphone) Alright, everyone get ready for the second scene!!!!!