(Anamae blows a whistle, blowing up a vampire crewman's head beside her)
Aname: Oops, I guess I should have warned him. (Looks at Vorador) Ready?
(Vorador is dressed in the costume that Janos had been in. Unfortunatly, Vorador is a little wide in the shoulders so the costume is rather tight across his chest, which shows off his muscles. But of course he doesn't seem to mind, although the shoes with the golden buckles do seem rather tight. Umah fixes the frilly collar – not that same one that tried to kill Malek – around her sire's neck.)
Vorador: (Preening in the mirror) I look good!!! Hey Melchiah, don't I look handsome?
Melchiah: Why are you asking me this?
Vorador: Because.
Melchiah: You're confusing me. Stop confusing me! Everyone is messing around with my mind and I can't take it anymore, alright!!! I can't take it anymore!!!! (Runs away only to be dragged back by security)
Anamae: Glyph Guards, you ready?
Glyph Guard 1: Yeah, but why don't you give us names?
Glyph Guard 2: Everyone else has names.
Anamae: Because I'm lazy and the chances of you two dying in this scene are quite high, so why give you names and get attatched to you if death is the only thing waiting for you at the end of the line?
Zephon: Oh, she has a point.
Glyph Guard 1: Shut up.
Zephon: (Sticks out his tounge)
Glyph Guard 2: Don't do that, it just encourages him. Besides, the boss is out there and after he sees our preformance then he'll surely force the authoress to give us names.
Glyph Guard 1: You do realize that our boss is actually someone from another dimension, an alien race that plans on killing the vampires and then enslaving us all, right?
Glyph Guard 2: Do I still get paid?
Glyph Guard 1: I guess so.
(In the audience)
Lorant: Hey nonny nonny nonny!!!! (Waves the middle finger up at the Sarafan Lord) Can't get me!
Zofia: Lorant, I don't think that's such a good idea.
Cili: What does nonny mean?
(Suzu, who was walking down the aisle, quickly walks over to Cili, pushing Zofia rudely out of her chair and sitting down beside her.)
Suzu: It means 'idiot' or 'jacka**'.
Cili: Wait a minute. Why were the last two letters blipped out?
Suzu: (Looks at the words) Because of the rating of this fanfic.
Lorant: (Yelling louder) HEY NONNY NONNY NONNY!!!!!!!!!!! I am Lorant and I am the best!!!
Zofia: (Getting up from the floor) Get out of my seat, Suzu.
Adojan: Zofia...(pats his lap) room for one more.
Suzu: (Winking at Zofia) I think you should take it. An old lady like yourself can't do any worse.
Zofia: (Screaming) OLD LADY?!!!! What the hell do you take me for? I'm younger than you!!! I'll kill you-
(Zofia was ready to hit Suzu. But at the same time, Lorant who was jumping up and down in his seat while screaming cuss words at the Sarafan Lord got hit on the head by a large boulder, by none other than the Sarafan Lord. This in turn made him fall forwards onto Zofia, who then fell into Adojan's lap, which made Suzu grab everyone's treats and run back to her own seat.)
Sarafan Lord: Was it a hit, Keeves?
Keeves the Bulter: (Snooty voice) Hmmm, yes milord. That Ancient won't be talking for a while yet.
(Meanwhile up in the balcony)
Ezra: Oh, I'm gonna go over there and kick Sebastian's butt.
Alden: Why?
Ezra: Because!!!!!
Serin: Not a good enough reason.
Ezra: I need a reason now?
Rufus: (Takes out a paper) In the rules of the Nosgoth theatre house, it states: 'If you wish to injure a person, you must have a very good reason why.' Like how the Sarafan Lord took out Lorant; he was damn annoying.
Ezra: Okay, then the reason I wanna kick Sebastian's butt is because of his freaky voice!
Alden: Well that's not nice. Maybe Sebastian was born with a voice like that!
Serin: Yeah, it's not his fault he has a speech impediment!!
(Down in the seats with Faustus, Marcus, Sebastian and Suzu)
Sebastian: Yes, I do have a speech impediment and I would like it if you people would stop making fun of me.
Marcus: But it's so much fun!
Sebastain: Shut up, baldy!
Faustus: Whoa, now that was just hurtful!
Marcus: (Sobbing) At least you have hair!!! Waaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
Suzu: (Sipping Adojan's soda) I think he backwashed in this. (Sees the emotional display) I need to get new seats.
(Backstage)
Kain: The crowd's getting riled up!!
Rahab: How did the Sarafan Lord get boulders?
Kain: I don't know. Go ask him.
Rahab: I believe I will. (Walks off)
Kain: (Grabs Rahab) Come back here, ungrateful son. Just because I tell you to go and do something doesn't mean you have to do it. What if I told you that Dumah had jumped off a bridge somewhere?
Rahab: Dumah jumped off a bridge?! I have to go and save him! (Runs off)
Kain: (Hitting himself) And he's suppose to be the smartest one in the bunch...
Anamae: Alright, everyone onstage! Capulet mansion! Now everyone hold your spots while I go out onstage and tell everyone about the changes to the character of Lord Capulet. (Walks out onstage) People, because of an unforseen accident, Vorador will now also be playing the part of Lord Capulet in the play.
Bane: Isn't that redundant?
Anamae: (Shrugs her shoulders) Like I care. As long as he knows the lines I'm happy. And now scene 2. (Sees Lorant crushed underneath the boulder in the middle of the theatre house.) Oro.
(As always, the curtain pulls back, but got caught halfway because someone was sleeping in the ropes. After much cursing, blowing up of heads and other people, said person was removed from the rigging and the curtain could slid back majestically or whatever you want to call it. The Capulet household came into view, with the sceneic view something from Turel's palace. In fact, it did come from Turel's palace but he doesn't know anything about it, all the better. Vorador is standing beside Melchiah with a look of 'I'm-so-big-because-I'm-playing-two-parts' on his green face while in the back extras are preparing for the wedding, adding white streamers here and there, as well as the expensive roses and other flowers.)
Vorador: So many guests invite as here are writ. (Looks at the first Glyph Guard and hands him a piece of paper) Sirrah, go hire me twenty cunning cooks.
(And the first Glyph Guard leaves...yes, that was his whole scene. Hey, at least he survived.)
Second Glyph Guard: You shall have none ill, sir; for I'll try if they
can lick their fingers. (Thinking to himself) Now what the hell does that all mean? Lick someone's fingers? Eww.
Vorador: How canst thou try them so?
Second Glyph Guard: Marry, sir, 'tis an ill cook that cannot lick his
own fingers: therefore he that cannot lick his
fingers goes not with me. (Thinking) That's so nasty. The chef would give something like food poisoning to everyone else. How do you know if the chef even washed his hands after he comes back from using the washroom? You really can't trust chefs. Oh, I don't understand this play, I'm no good at it. I want to get out of here and go home and watch some television, but I don't know what to watch just yet. Maybe something funny, like 'Look Whose Laughing' only with the children because when the kids show up it's so much more fun. It reminds me-
Vorador: Excuse me. If you could get out of your thoughts and VO then we could kindly continue with the play. And you're thinking so loudly that everyone heard you. (Audience nods in agreement) Go, be gone.
(And with that, the second Glyph Guard leaves without dying...yet.)
Vorador: (Turns to Zephon, who was eyeing the crowd and daring them to make him burn them) We shall be much unfurnished for this time.
What, is my daughter gone to Friar Laurence?
Nurse: Ay, forsooth.
Vorador: Well, he may chance to do some good on her:
A peevish self-will'd harlotry it is.
Nurse: See where she comes from shrift with merry look.
(In comes Ariel, with a fake plastered smile to the one side of her face. She giggles stupidly and bats her one eyelash coyly at the audience, since they're all in on the deal and the rest of the characters of the play, who haven't read the play completely, don't know what's going to happen yet.)
Vorador: How now, my headstrong! where have you been gadding?
Ariel: (Gives a breathy giggle) Where I have learn'd me to repent the sin
Of disobedient opposition
To you and your behests, and am enjoin'd
By holy Laurence to fall prostrate here,
And beg your pardon: pardon, I beseech you!
Henceforward I am ever ruled by you.
Vorador: Send for the county; go tell him of this:
I'll have this knot knit up to-morrow morning.
Ariel: (Blanches slightly) I met the youthful lord at Laurence' cell;
And gave him what becomed love I might,
Not step o'er the bounds of modesty.
Vorador: Why, I am glad on't; this is well: stand up:
This is as't should be. Let me see the county;
Ay, marry, go, I say, and fetch him hither.
Now, afore God! this reverend holy friar,
Our whole city is much bound to him.
Ariel: (Turns to Zephon, who was having a staring contest with the Elder God) Nurse, will you go with me into my closet,
To help me sort such needful ornaments
As you think fit to furnish me to-morrow?
Melchiah: (Looking confused for some reason) No, not till Thursday; there is time enough.
Vorador: (Waving his hand around commandingly) Go, nurse, go with her: we'll to church to-morrow.
(Zephon and Ariel exit and Vorador walks around the stage like he owns the damn joint, which he well could with all the money he has but doesn't care to invest at all.)
Melchiah: We shall be short in our provision:
'Tis now near night.
(One of the extras, while pinning up a large flower heart wreath, falls down from the ladder and horribly kills herself. Anamae comes onstage quickly and drags the corpse off, where Kain is waiting eagerly to sink his fangs into the unknowing supper.)
Vorador: Tush, I will stir about,
And all things shall be well, I warrant thee, wife:
Go thou to Juliet, help to deck up her;
I'll not to bed to-night; let me alone;
I'll play the housewife for this once. What, ho!
They are all forth. Well, I will walk myself
To County Paris, to prepare him up
Against to-morrow: my heart is wondrous light,
Since this same wayward girl is so reclaim'd.
(The curtain falls back down, but stops halfway because once again that same person is sleeping in the rigging. Using a high-powered rifle, the person is once again dislocated and the curtain closes without another hitch. Vorador slaps Melchiah hard on the back, making the vampire lose his wig.)
Melchiah: Wahhhhhhh!!!! Now I'm bald!!! (Runs off blubbering)
Umah: That was mean, Vorador.
Vorador: What? What did I do that was so wrong?
Raziel: (Calling from the watercooloer) Being yourself, Mr. Grinch!
Vorador: Alright, that does it! I can't help it if my skin is green and Dr. Seuss took the Grinch from me. I would sue him if he wasn't already dead. Make-up, I need make-up! (Looks at the make-up lady) Hello, would you like to be my 16th wife? (Winks)
Anamae: I wish the Sarafan Lord would drop a boulder on me...
Aname: Oops, I guess I should have warned him. (Looks at Vorador) Ready?
(Vorador is dressed in the costume that Janos had been in. Unfortunatly, Vorador is a little wide in the shoulders so the costume is rather tight across his chest, which shows off his muscles. But of course he doesn't seem to mind, although the shoes with the golden buckles do seem rather tight. Umah fixes the frilly collar – not that same one that tried to kill Malek – around her sire's neck.)
Vorador: (Preening in the mirror) I look good!!! Hey Melchiah, don't I look handsome?
Melchiah: Why are you asking me this?
Vorador: Because.
Melchiah: You're confusing me. Stop confusing me! Everyone is messing around with my mind and I can't take it anymore, alright!!! I can't take it anymore!!!! (Runs away only to be dragged back by security)
Anamae: Glyph Guards, you ready?
Glyph Guard 1: Yeah, but why don't you give us names?
Glyph Guard 2: Everyone else has names.
Anamae: Because I'm lazy and the chances of you two dying in this scene are quite high, so why give you names and get attatched to you if death is the only thing waiting for you at the end of the line?
Zephon: Oh, she has a point.
Glyph Guard 1: Shut up.
Zephon: (Sticks out his tounge)
Glyph Guard 2: Don't do that, it just encourages him. Besides, the boss is out there and after he sees our preformance then he'll surely force the authoress to give us names.
Glyph Guard 1: You do realize that our boss is actually someone from another dimension, an alien race that plans on killing the vampires and then enslaving us all, right?
Glyph Guard 2: Do I still get paid?
Glyph Guard 1: I guess so.
(In the audience)
Lorant: Hey nonny nonny nonny!!!! (Waves the middle finger up at the Sarafan Lord) Can't get me!
Zofia: Lorant, I don't think that's such a good idea.
Cili: What does nonny mean?
(Suzu, who was walking down the aisle, quickly walks over to Cili, pushing Zofia rudely out of her chair and sitting down beside her.)
Suzu: It means 'idiot' or 'jacka**'.
Cili: Wait a minute. Why were the last two letters blipped out?
Suzu: (Looks at the words) Because of the rating of this fanfic.
Lorant: (Yelling louder) HEY NONNY NONNY NONNY!!!!!!!!!!! I am Lorant and I am the best!!!
Zofia: (Getting up from the floor) Get out of my seat, Suzu.
Adojan: Zofia...(pats his lap) room for one more.
Suzu: (Winking at Zofia) I think you should take it. An old lady like yourself can't do any worse.
Zofia: (Screaming) OLD LADY?!!!! What the hell do you take me for? I'm younger than you!!! I'll kill you-
(Zofia was ready to hit Suzu. But at the same time, Lorant who was jumping up and down in his seat while screaming cuss words at the Sarafan Lord got hit on the head by a large boulder, by none other than the Sarafan Lord. This in turn made him fall forwards onto Zofia, who then fell into Adojan's lap, which made Suzu grab everyone's treats and run back to her own seat.)
Sarafan Lord: Was it a hit, Keeves?
Keeves the Bulter: (Snooty voice) Hmmm, yes milord. That Ancient won't be talking for a while yet.
(Meanwhile up in the balcony)
Ezra: Oh, I'm gonna go over there and kick Sebastian's butt.
Alden: Why?
Ezra: Because!!!!!
Serin: Not a good enough reason.
Ezra: I need a reason now?
Rufus: (Takes out a paper) In the rules of the Nosgoth theatre house, it states: 'If you wish to injure a person, you must have a very good reason why.' Like how the Sarafan Lord took out Lorant; he was damn annoying.
Ezra: Okay, then the reason I wanna kick Sebastian's butt is because of his freaky voice!
Alden: Well that's not nice. Maybe Sebastian was born with a voice like that!
Serin: Yeah, it's not his fault he has a speech impediment!!
(Down in the seats with Faustus, Marcus, Sebastian and Suzu)
Sebastian: Yes, I do have a speech impediment and I would like it if you people would stop making fun of me.
Marcus: But it's so much fun!
Sebastain: Shut up, baldy!
Faustus: Whoa, now that was just hurtful!
Marcus: (Sobbing) At least you have hair!!! Waaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!
Suzu: (Sipping Adojan's soda) I think he backwashed in this. (Sees the emotional display) I need to get new seats.
(Backstage)
Kain: The crowd's getting riled up!!
Rahab: How did the Sarafan Lord get boulders?
Kain: I don't know. Go ask him.
Rahab: I believe I will. (Walks off)
Kain: (Grabs Rahab) Come back here, ungrateful son. Just because I tell you to go and do something doesn't mean you have to do it. What if I told you that Dumah had jumped off a bridge somewhere?
Rahab: Dumah jumped off a bridge?! I have to go and save him! (Runs off)
Kain: (Hitting himself) And he's suppose to be the smartest one in the bunch...
Anamae: Alright, everyone onstage! Capulet mansion! Now everyone hold your spots while I go out onstage and tell everyone about the changes to the character of Lord Capulet. (Walks out onstage) People, because of an unforseen accident, Vorador will now also be playing the part of Lord Capulet in the play.
Bane: Isn't that redundant?
Anamae: (Shrugs her shoulders) Like I care. As long as he knows the lines I'm happy. And now scene 2. (Sees Lorant crushed underneath the boulder in the middle of the theatre house.) Oro.
(As always, the curtain pulls back, but got caught halfway because someone was sleeping in the ropes. After much cursing, blowing up of heads and other people, said person was removed from the rigging and the curtain could slid back majestically or whatever you want to call it. The Capulet household came into view, with the sceneic view something from Turel's palace. In fact, it did come from Turel's palace but he doesn't know anything about it, all the better. Vorador is standing beside Melchiah with a look of 'I'm-so-big-because-I'm-playing-two-parts' on his green face while in the back extras are preparing for the wedding, adding white streamers here and there, as well as the expensive roses and other flowers.)
Vorador: So many guests invite as here are writ. (Looks at the first Glyph Guard and hands him a piece of paper) Sirrah, go hire me twenty cunning cooks.
(And the first Glyph Guard leaves...yes, that was his whole scene. Hey, at least he survived.)
Second Glyph Guard: You shall have none ill, sir; for I'll try if they
can lick their fingers. (Thinking to himself) Now what the hell does that all mean? Lick someone's fingers? Eww.
Vorador: How canst thou try them so?
Second Glyph Guard: Marry, sir, 'tis an ill cook that cannot lick his
own fingers: therefore he that cannot lick his
fingers goes not with me. (Thinking) That's so nasty. The chef would give something like food poisoning to everyone else. How do you know if the chef even washed his hands after he comes back from using the washroom? You really can't trust chefs. Oh, I don't understand this play, I'm no good at it. I want to get out of here and go home and watch some television, but I don't know what to watch just yet. Maybe something funny, like 'Look Whose Laughing' only with the children because when the kids show up it's so much more fun. It reminds me-
Vorador: Excuse me. If you could get out of your thoughts and VO then we could kindly continue with the play. And you're thinking so loudly that everyone heard you. (Audience nods in agreement) Go, be gone.
(And with that, the second Glyph Guard leaves without dying...yet.)
Vorador: (Turns to Zephon, who was eyeing the crowd and daring them to make him burn them) We shall be much unfurnished for this time.
What, is my daughter gone to Friar Laurence?
Nurse: Ay, forsooth.
Vorador: Well, he may chance to do some good on her:
A peevish self-will'd harlotry it is.
Nurse: See where she comes from shrift with merry look.
(In comes Ariel, with a fake plastered smile to the one side of her face. She giggles stupidly and bats her one eyelash coyly at the audience, since they're all in on the deal and the rest of the characters of the play, who haven't read the play completely, don't know what's going to happen yet.)
Vorador: How now, my headstrong! where have you been gadding?
Ariel: (Gives a breathy giggle) Where I have learn'd me to repent the sin
Of disobedient opposition
To you and your behests, and am enjoin'd
By holy Laurence to fall prostrate here,
And beg your pardon: pardon, I beseech you!
Henceforward I am ever ruled by you.
Vorador: Send for the county; go tell him of this:
I'll have this knot knit up to-morrow morning.
Ariel: (Blanches slightly) I met the youthful lord at Laurence' cell;
And gave him what becomed love I might,
Not step o'er the bounds of modesty.
Vorador: Why, I am glad on't; this is well: stand up:
This is as't should be. Let me see the county;
Ay, marry, go, I say, and fetch him hither.
Now, afore God! this reverend holy friar,
Our whole city is much bound to him.
Ariel: (Turns to Zephon, who was having a staring contest with the Elder God) Nurse, will you go with me into my closet,
To help me sort such needful ornaments
As you think fit to furnish me to-morrow?
Melchiah: (Looking confused for some reason) No, not till Thursday; there is time enough.
Vorador: (Waving his hand around commandingly) Go, nurse, go with her: we'll to church to-morrow.
(Zephon and Ariel exit and Vorador walks around the stage like he owns the damn joint, which he well could with all the money he has but doesn't care to invest at all.)
Melchiah: We shall be short in our provision:
'Tis now near night.
(One of the extras, while pinning up a large flower heart wreath, falls down from the ladder and horribly kills herself. Anamae comes onstage quickly and drags the corpse off, where Kain is waiting eagerly to sink his fangs into the unknowing supper.)
Vorador: Tush, I will stir about,
And all things shall be well, I warrant thee, wife:
Go thou to Juliet, help to deck up her;
I'll not to bed to-night; let me alone;
I'll play the housewife for this once. What, ho!
They are all forth. Well, I will walk myself
To County Paris, to prepare him up
Against to-morrow: my heart is wondrous light,
Since this same wayward girl is so reclaim'd.
(The curtain falls back down, but stops halfway because once again that same person is sleeping in the rigging. Using a high-powered rifle, the person is once again dislocated and the curtain closes without another hitch. Vorador slaps Melchiah hard on the back, making the vampire lose his wig.)
Melchiah: Wahhhhhhh!!!! Now I'm bald!!! (Runs off blubbering)
Umah: That was mean, Vorador.
Vorador: What? What did I do that was so wrong?
Raziel: (Calling from the watercooloer) Being yourself, Mr. Grinch!
Vorador: Alright, that does it! I can't help it if my skin is green and Dr. Seuss took the Grinch from me. I would sue him if he wasn't already dead. Make-up, I need make-up! (Looks at the make-up lady) Hello, would you like to be my 16th wife? (Winks)
Anamae: I wish the Sarafan Lord would drop a boulder on me...