Not mine. Never was, never will be.

Here's some more. There be some Chinese here and a hint of lime?

Ranma-chan and P-chan (Ryouga) were walking back to the Tendou Dojo when they heard a voice.

"Young lady, small pig," the omnipresent female voice said, "Where are you going so late and in such poor weather?"

"Bweee, weeee, weee."

"Home," Ranma replied to the voice.

"No, no, no. That will not do. You stop and rest for the evening. You and your companion would not want catch ill, now."

Ranma and Ryouga stopped and turned to face the voice. They were met with an old woman, a foot-tall, holding a walking stick and standing in the doorway of a restaurant.

"Come now child, I shall allow you a bath and a place to sleep."

"Ok, but don't be surprised if two boys come out of the bathroom." Ranma carried Ryouga as the old woman led them to the bathroom.

Ranma and Ryouga came down stairs into to the dining room. The Old woman was standing on a table reading a scroll.

"Well, enjoy your bath boys? It must be nice to be in your original form."

"Huh," Ranma began.

"How did you know?" Ryouga finished.

"Call it old woman's intuition."

"Ni hao nai nai!" A bubbly girl bounced out from the kitchen carrying two bowls. "Ni hao!"

"Ni hao," Ranma replied with a bow.

"Ah our young guest knows our language."

"Well it only makes sense that I know our language as well."

"What do you mean child? Your home is here, in Japan."

"Japan is my homeland, but my home is in Beijing." Ranma flashed his passport.

"Well it's good to see a fellow countryman."

"So what brings you two here?"

"We seek my granddaughter's Airen."

"Who would that be?"

"Hibiki Ryouga."

"Hmm, you wouldn't have happened to have seen him, would you?"

"Nope."

"Gui xing? (What are your names?)" Shampoo asked.

"Wo de Chang Ran Ma ji zhe wei shi… (My name is Chang Ran Ma and this is…)"

"Hibiki Mitsuishi," Ryouga said.

"Oh, do you know Hibiki-san?" Cologne asked.

"No, no I don't."

"He mo ni lai cong? (Where do you all come from?)" Ranma asked.

"Joketsuzoku, in Quinghai," Cologne replied.

"Shampoo want know if Chang-san ever been to Joketsuzoku."

"Yes, yes I have."

"You remember Shampoo?"

"Umm…"

"You help lose stupid boy."

"You mean Mu-Tsu?"

"Yes."

"You have grown into quite the young lady."

Shampoo looked confused.

"Ni bao you jia zhong po ye man heng."

"Gan xie," Shampoo replied, "You very handsome."

"Gan xie."

That night the boys bunked in the living room that Cologne set up.

"Ryouga, why were you all nervous around Xian Pu?"

"Nervous? Who was nervous? Not me, why would I be nervous?"

"Ryouga."

"What?"

"Ryouga."

"What."

"Ryouga!!"

"What! I didn't defeat her! I'm not supposed to marry her. I was never in her stupid village!"

"You didn't. Tell me you didn't!"

"Ok, I didn't"

"Yeah right and I'm Chairman Mao."

"I was hungry!"

"You're lucky you're not dead. Let me guess it was tournament season, you found the village of Amazon womens and decided to help yourself to the spread."

Ryouga nodded.

"That was Xian Pu's prize. For winning the tournament, Xian Pu gains the position of strongest in the village. She was supposed to get that excellent spread. The winner would then share the spread in a party afterwards. I should know. She invited me!"

"How?"

"Training trip. After Pops threw me in the spring, he tried to drag me back there. I just spent the day listening to the guide. Pops was constantly trying to coerce me into sparring, but I was still mad at him. The guide showed us the village. That's where I met Xian Pu and Mu Tsu."

"Whose Mu Tsu?"

"He was trying to marry Xian Pu. Mu Tsu would challenge her. Xian Pu would proceed to whoop ass. I saw three, no four of these attacks. I offered assistance…"

"What?"

"Oh pi hua."

"What Ranma!" Ryouga was entranced.

"I kind have defeated Mu Tsu."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I was a girl at the time."

"But you're not Amazon."

"You see, if an Amazon woman defeats a man in challenge, she's free and clear. An outsider woman is required to take the man in."

"So?"

"Mu Tsu will be coming for me."

"You mean you have to Mu Tsu?"

Ranma nodded.

"Honor?"

Ranma nodded again.

"Oh, man."

"But you're a man."

"A Chinese man, and a cursed one at that. Under Chinese law, I can legally marry a man as well as a woman. It doesn't happen a lot, but the law was made to pacify the Amazons."

"But we're in Japan, oh wait, Mousse will try to use that to get out of China. Spouse visa and all of that."

"Oh yeah, well, you still have to marry Xian Pu. You'll go back to the village, get married; Xian Pu will bare you daughters, you'll raise them, they will bring you honor."

"But I don't want get married."

"Come on Ryouga, it's not like you haven't done it."

"That's not the point!" Ryouga was crying like a baby.

"AIREN!!!!!" Enter Xian Pu.

"Augh! No, no I'm Mitsuishi, Mitsuishi, not airen! No please, where are you taking me! I don't want to have children!!!"

"Airen so silly. You no fool me Ryouga. Great Grandmother show me pictures."

" I don't want to have children."

"You too too silly. We not have children. Just consummate marriage."

"What?" Interest flashed across Ryouga's face.

"Yeah, Xian Pu, I think you left some key points out of your letters."

"We already married."

"Explain."

"After defeat, we have ceremony."

"So that's why you gave me that drink and we stood in front of the elders and I had to repeat those Chinese words."

"Yes and then you wander off," Xian Pu said, " Now we have too, too wonderful love making."

"Oh well then," Ryouga said as he adjusted his pants in a suggestive manner, "I'll see you in the morning."

"Have fun, I'll visit you when I return to China. You are going back to China, right?"

"Oh, umm, umm, uh."

"Just come make love to Xian Pu."

"Alright!"

"Xian Pu?"

"Yes?" She asked, holding Ryouga over her shoulder.

"Can I use your phone."

"It over there." Xian Pu carried Ryouga off. The sound of Ryouga asking to be put down trailed off. Ranma walked over to the phone. He picked it up and dialed. A female voice answered the phone.

"Hello, Kuno residence."

"Um, is Kodachi there?"

"This is she. Who is, oh Ranma, hello. To what do I owe this call?"

"Just wanted to talk to you."

"Really? So what have you been up to? Staying away from Akane I hope."

"Yup, in fact I'm spending the night with a friend and her husband."

"Sounds fun."

"When would you like to hang out again?"

"Umm, you could come over tonight? It must be boring there."

"Would that be ok?"

"Sure, it's just me and my brother and his man servant. I could use the company."

"Alright, umm, why did you put directions on the back."

"For just such an occasion."

"Oh, let me just leave a note and I'll be right over."

Thank you all for reading! Like the cannon, no real fancy magics till after the Rhythmic Gymnastics match. It goes astray from there.