Despite its nice, calm, and almost too pleasant atmosphere, there was a reason why property values were always so low in Dream Valley and other parts of Ponyland. Having your kingdom attacked by witches, monsters, and other minions of evil with plenty of brawn and too few brains had a tendency to do that. This little tendency was alive and well at Icestorm Point. A place of residency for many unipegs, it was a trouble magnet for frequent attacks by incompetent would-be villains.
Inside one of the many caverns at Icestorm Point, Nova stretched his wings, jumping off one of the ice ledges and taking to the air. The white unipeg's ears flicked backwards as once more, snow began to fall.
"Snow, snow, snow. Can't we ever get some nice warm weather for once? It'd be nice to have some of this ice melt."
As if on cue, an icicle broke off from the ceiling, hurtling down and nearly impaling the stallion. Snorting and shaking his gold-colored forelock out of his eyes, Nova continued flying, grumbling to himself.
"I just had to say that, didn't I? Never fails. Stupid author. That wasn't even ironic, DAMMIT!"
Vesper, fellow unipeg and author avatar looked down from her perch as she was indirectly sworn at.
"You were kind of asking for it."
"Hrmph."
Meanwhile, in the less snowy but still cold outskirts of Icestorm Point, trouble brewed. Pacing back and forth in front of an army of rather bored looking dragons and gryphons was a man who looked like he might've been Skeletor's third cousin, twice removed.
"And so, we shall crush the ponies! We shall enslave them! We shall drink their blood and spit it upon their family members!"
There was a short pause as the army tried to make sense of the last statement, as they hadn't been paying attention to most of it. The Skeletor lookalike just shook his head and sighed.
"So, any questions?"
A gryphon timidly raised his talons and called out,
"So..um../why/ do we want to take over this place? It's cold, it's wet, and I think those ponies might bite.."
The warlord went into a (literally) frothing rage at the question.
"Because we're EVIL! We don't need a reason!"
With assorted whimpers, the army shrank back in attempt to avoid the warlord's wrath-and flying saliva. After a few breaths, the enraged man calmed down.
"Any more questions?"
A dragon nodded, and stuck his hand up in the air.
"Why are you called 'the Dread Ruler Lord Fluffypants'?"
Lord Fluffypants sighed, rubbing at his forehead.
"They were running out of names at the annual 'pick your fear inspiring name' convention for upstart villains..that was all they had left."
There was a uncomfortable silence as the army attempted to figure out what they had done to get stuck in a group led by a 'Lord Fluffypants'. Attempting to get his army into a bloodthirsty mood, Lord Fluffypants held his sword aloft, while the sound of trumpets came out of nowhere.
"So..uh..yeah..LET'S GO KILL SOMEONE!..or something like that."
With a ragged cheer, the army charged towards Icestorm Point-although it was a very slow charge, as several army members had frostbite and others tripped on the snow. Lord Fluffypants, sitting astride an ill-tempered ice dragon, groaned to himself.
"I knew I should've recruited yetis.."
Back at Icestorm Point, Nova was too busy attempting remove the ice from his wings to notice the various signs that had been tacked up around the cavern. Vesper suddenly flew in, carrying several signs in her mouth, while another dangled on a chain around her neck. Unfortunately, the mare also hadn't been paying too much to her surroundings, and flew into Nova, sending white and silver-blue ponyfeathers flying, as well as Vesper's signs.
"OW!"
"Sorry."
Glaring at the other unipeg, Nova wandered around the room into an attempt to retrieve his feathers. He quirked an eyebrow at one of the signs, stomping a hoof on it.
"Vesper, what's this?"
With a smirk, Vesper got back on her hooves, running around the room and gathering the remaining signs into a large pile.
"They're signs. I thought the readers might've gotten confused with the whole 'Lord Fluffypants' bit, so I made signs to make everything easier to follow. See?"
She pointed to the sign hanging around her neck. The now ragged looking piece of parchment read 'Author Avatar Pony'. Grabbing one of the signs in her mouth, she trotted towards Nova and dropped it on his head. One swift stamp (and very loud curse) later, Nova had a sign reading 'Unlikely Hero Pony' stuck on his head.
"I'm really starting to hate you."
Vesper shrugged at Nova's sour expression, then glanced around the room curiously.
"I'm just trying to help. Where's Riptide? I need to give her the 'Sidekick' sign."
Rubbing a hoof on his head, Nova snorted as he tried to remove the sign.
"Down by the lake, I think. Why she loves water so much, I don't know. She should've been a seapony."
Grabbing all her cards, Vesper flashed a cheerful grin and a nod before flying out of the cavern. Nova attempted to remove the sign from his head, failing miserably. He looked around the room, reading all the other signs scattered about.
"Hero's sword..conviently placed book of magic..cliched plot ender: do not open until end of story..sheesh."
Nova shrugged to himself with a sigh as he peered at the sword again.
"Well, I might as well get this over with."
After a few moments of trying to figure out how to pick it up, Nova grabbed the sword's handle with his mouth, and flew out of the cavern, once more nearly getting crushed by a falling icicle. The unipeg flapped into another cavern, this one scattered with various sketches and buckets of paint. Out of paper pile, a unipeg's head suddenly appeared. More papers scattered everywhere as she flew out of the pile, hovering above Nova.
"Hi!"
Nova snorted as a paper got caught on his hoof, stamping it against the ground several times. Dropping the sword from his mouth, he glanced up at the orange haired unipeg.
"Hi, Spitfire."
Spitfire peered curiously at the sign stuck to Nova's head, then grinned at him as she read it.
"You're a hero? Ooh!"
"Just help me remove the freaking sign."
The mare nodded, and tugged at the sign, finally managing to free it-along with some of Nova's mane.
"OW!"
"Sorry."
Grumbling to himself, Nova picked up the sword again and flapped out of the cavern, several drawings still attached to his hooves. Spitfire stuck her head out of the cave and called to the other unipeg.
"If you need a portrait, just come back later!"
Lord Fluffypants was, to put it lightly, an extremely pissed would-be villain. But to put it in happy, My Little Pony, network censors approved way, he was just a very, very, unhappy non-friend to the ponies. It was cold, it was wet, and most of his army weren't exactly the brightest crayons in the box. However, would-be villains are known to have the luck of fools, and so Lord Fluffypants was especially blessed. A gryphon came out of the sky, calling out that he had just seen Icestorm point in the distance. Lord Fluffypants cheered up at that news, and called to his army.
"Let us go, then! We shall overrun their home! We shall pillage and loot! We shall slay these dogs and laugh at their corpses!"
The army stared blankly at Lord Fluffypants for a moment. The ice dragon Lord Fluffpants had been riding turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised.
"But they're ponies-"
"SILENCE! I know that they are miniscule horses! We shall wage war against them, nevertheless!"
After a few moments of talking amongst themselves, the army did a collective shrug and continued onwards to Icestorm Point. Several hours later, the snow covered and exhausted army dropped in front of the unipeg stronghold. Lord Fluffypants weakly knocked on the large wooden door. Spitfire peered out at the skull faced man, giving a greeting flap of her wings.
"Hiya!"
"Um. Hello, tiny, overly happy horse.."
Spitfire's ears pinned back and she stamped a hoof, the white unipeg shaking her orange forelock out of the way of her eyes.
"I'm a pony."
"Whatever. Look, can we just pillage this place, set fire to it, and enslave the lot of you? I'm kind of running on a schedule here."
As Spitfire was about to respond, Nova had decided to get the whole hero business over with. He charged out the door, knocking over Spitfire and attempting to yell something with the sword in his mouth.
"MHMPH!"
Riptide, wearing an 'Offical Sidekick' sign around her neck, flew after him, pausing to hover over Lord Fluffypants' army.
"I think he said 'CHARGE!' but it might've been something else. Can anybody here lip-read?"
The army was too busy staring at the sword carrying unipeg to respond. Nova attempted to use the sword on Lord Fluffypants, but only managed to hit him over the head several times with the broadside.
"Ouch! OW! Bad horse!"
Nova, finally figuring out that perhaps a sword wasn't the best weapon to use if one was four-footed and equine, spat out the sword and proceeded to simply kick and head-butt the army. In a last ditch effort to make some sort of sense out of the plot, Riptide flew into one of the cavern openings, grabbed the cliched plot ender, and dive-bombed towards what was left of the army. She dropped the box, and as it hit the snow, the object exploded into a ball of rainbow light. Spitfire, who had dragged down her sketch pad during the fighting, oohed at the sudden burst of color.
"It's the Rainbow of Light (TM)!"
Vesper, who had entered through a plot hole, poked at Spitfire with a hoof.
"Ssh. We're not that cliché."
The Not-Really-But-Pretty-Close-To-It Rainbow of Light didn't really do much; the flash of light alone was enough to make the dragons and gryphons scatter in surprise. The only impressive thing it did was turn Lord Fluffypants into a chipmunk. Not wanting to get stepped on in the stampede of gryphons and dragons, the Chipmunk-Formerly-Known-As-Lord-Fluffypants skittered up a tree, chattering angrily at the unipegs. Riptide blinked at the sudden end of the chaos.
"So, that was..anticlimatic.."
"Yeah."
"Mhm."
Nova snorted, shaking the snow off himself and flying back into the caverns.
"Okay, I'm done with the hero bit. It's over. No more hero pony. You want someone to charge into battle, you find some other idiot, Vesper!"
Vesper shrugged at Nova's ranting, glancing around at the other mares.
"So, anyone interested in-"
Riptide and Spitfire flew back in the relative safety of the caverns before the question could be finished. Vesper, undaunted, grabbed a piece of paper from another conveniently placed plot hole and wandering back into the caverns, humming to herself as she started writing again.
Inside one of the many caverns at Icestorm Point, Nova stretched his wings, jumping off one of the ice ledges and taking to the air. The white unipeg's ears flicked backwards as once more, snow began to fall.
"Snow, snow, snow. Can't we ever get some nice warm weather for once? It'd be nice to have some of this ice melt."
As if on cue, an icicle broke off from the ceiling, hurtling down and nearly impaling the stallion. Snorting and shaking his gold-colored forelock out of his eyes, Nova continued flying, grumbling to himself.
"I just had to say that, didn't I? Never fails. Stupid author. That wasn't even ironic, DAMMIT!"
Vesper, fellow unipeg and author avatar looked down from her perch as she was indirectly sworn at.
"You were kind of asking for it."
"Hrmph."
Meanwhile, in the less snowy but still cold outskirts of Icestorm Point, trouble brewed. Pacing back and forth in front of an army of rather bored looking dragons and gryphons was a man who looked like he might've been Skeletor's third cousin, twice removed.
"And so, we shall crush the ponies! We shall enslave them! We shall drink their blood and spit it upon their family members!"
There was a short pause as the army tried to make sense of the last statement, as they hadn't been paying attention to most of it. The Skeletor lookalike just shook his head and sighed.
"So, any questions?"
A gryphon timidly raised his talons and called out,
"So..um../why/ do we want to take over this place? It's cold, it's wet, and I think those ponies might bite.."
The warlord went into a (literally) frothing rage at the question.
"Because we're EVIL! We don't need a reason!"
With assorted whimpers, the army shrank back in attempt to avoid the warlord's wrath-and flying saliva. After a few breaths, the enraged man calmed down.
"Any more questions?"
A dragon nodded, and stuck his hand up in the air.
"Why are you called 'the Dread Ruler Lord Fluffypants'?"
Lord Fluffypants sighed, rubbing at his forehead.
"They were running out of names at the annual 'pick your fear inspiring name' convention for upstart villains..that was all they had left."
There was a uncomfortable silence as the army attempted to figure out what they had done to get stuck in a group led by a 'Lord Fluffypants'. Attempting to get his army into a bloodthirsty mood, Lord Fluffypants held his sword aloft, while the sound of trumpets came out of nowhere.
"So..uh..yeah..LET'S GO KILL SOMEONE!..or something like that."
With a ragged cheer, the army charged towards Icestorm Point-although it was a very slow charge, as several army members had frostbite and others tripped on the snow. Lord Fluffypants, sitting astride an ill-tempered ice dragon, groaned to himself.
"I knew I should've recruited yetis.."
Back at Icestorm Point, Nova was too busy attempting remove the ice from his wings to notice the various signs that had been tacked up around the cavern. Vesper suddenly flew in, carrying several signs in her mouth, while another dangled on a chain around her neck. Unfortunately, the mare also hadn't been paying too much to her surroundings, and flew into Nova, sending white and silver-blue ponyfeathers flying, as well as Vesper's signs.
"OW!"
"Sorry."
Glaring at the other unipeg, Nova wandered around the room into an attempt to retrieve his feathers. He quirked an eyebrow at one of the signs, stomping a hoof on it.
"Vesper, what's this?"
With a smirk, Vesper got back on her hooves, running around the room and gathering the remaining signs into a large pile.
"They're signs. I thought the readers might've gotten confused with the whole 'Lord Fluffypants' bit, so I made signs to make everything easier to follow. See?"
She pointed to the sign hanging around her neck. The now ragged looking piece of parchment read 'Author Avatar Pony'. Grabbing one of the signs in her mouth, she trotted towards Nova and dropped it on his head. One swift stamp (and very loud curse) later, Nova had a sign reading 'Unlikely Hero Pony' stuck on his head.
"I'm really starting to hate you."
Vesper shrugged at Nova's sour expression, then glanced around the room curiously.
"I'm just trying to help. Where's Riptide? I need to give her the 'Sidekick' sign."
Rubbing a hoof on his head, Nova snorted as he tried to remove the sign.
"Down by the lake, I think. Why she loves water so much, I don't know. She should've been a seapony."
Grabbing all her cards, Vesper flashed a cheerful grin and a nod before flying out of the cavern. Nova attempted to remove the sign from his head, failing miserably. He looked around the room, reading all the other signs scattered about.
"Hero's sword..conviently placed book of magic..cliched plot ender: do not open until end of story..sheesh."
Nova shrugged to himself with a sigh as he peered at the sword again.
"Well, I might as well get this over with."
After a few moments of trying to figure out how to pick it up, Nova grabbed the sword's handle with his mouth, and flew out of the cavern, once more nearly getting crushed by a falling icicle. The unipeg flapped into another cavern, this one scattered with various sketches and buckets of paint. Out of paper pile, a unipeg's head suddenly appeared. More papers scattered everywhere as she flew out of the pile, hovering above Nova.
"Hi!"
Nova snorted as a paper got caught on his hoof, stamping it against the ground several times. Dropping the sword from his mouth, he glanced up at the orange haired unipeg.
"Hi, Spitfire."
Spitfire peered curiously at the sign stuck to Nova's head, then grinned at him as she read it.
"You're a hero? Ooh!"
"Just help me remove the freaking sign."
The mare nodded, and tugged at the sign, finally managing to free it-along with some of Nova's mane.
"OW!"
"Sorry."
Grumbling to himself, Nova picked up the sword again and flapped out of the cavern, several drawings still attached to his hooves. Spitfire stuck her head out of the cave and called to the other unipeg.
"If you need a portrait, just come back later!"
Lord Fluffypants was, to put it lightly, an extremely pissed would-be villain. But to put it in happy, My Little Pony, network censors approved way, he was just a very, very, unhappy non-friend to the ponies. It was cold, it was wet, and most of his army weren't exactly the brightest crayons in the box. However, would-be villains are known to have the luck of fools, and so Lord Fluffypants was especially blessed. A gryphon came out of the sky, calling out that he had just seen Icestorm point in the distance. Lord Fluffypants cheered up at that news, and called to his army.
"Let us go, then! We shall overrun their home! We shall pillage and loot! We shall slay these dogs and laugh at their corpses!"
The army stared blankly at Lord Fluffypants for a moment. The ice dragon Lord Fluffpants had been riding turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised.
"But they're ponies-"
"SILENCE! I know that they are miniscule horses! We shall wage war against them, nevertheless!"
After a few moments of talking amongst themselves, the army did a collective shrug and continued onwards to Icestorm Point. Several hours later, the snow covered and exhausted army dropped in front of the unipeg stronghold. Lord Fluffypants weakly knocked on the large wooden door. Spitfire peered out at the skull faced man, giving a greeting flap of her wings.
"Hiya!"
"Um. Hello, tiny, overly happy horse.."
Spitfire's ears pinned back and she stamped a hoof, the white unipeg shaking her orange forelock out of the way of her eyes.
"I'm a pony."
"Whatever. Look, can we just pillage this place, set fire to it, and enslave the lot of you? I'm kind of running on a schedule here."
As Spitfire was about to respond, Nova had decided to get the whole hero business over with. He charged out the door, knocking over Spitfire and attempting to yell something with the sword in his mouth.
"MHMPH!"
Riptide, wearing an 'Offical Sidekick' sign around her neck, flew after him, pausing to hover over Lord Fluffypants' army.
"I think he said 'CHARGE!' but it might've been something else. Can anybody here lip-read?"
The army was too busy staring at the sword carrying unipeg to respond. Nova attempted to use the sword on Lord Fluffypants, but only managed to hit him over the head several times with the broadside.
"Ouch! OW! Bad horse!"
Nova, finally figuring out that perhaps a sword wasn't the best weapon to use if one was four-footed and equine, spat out the sword and proceeded to simply kick and head-butt the army. In a last ditch effort to make some sort of sense out of the plot, Riptide flew into one of the cavern openings, grabbed the cliched plot ender, and dive-bombed towards what was left of the army. She dropped the box, and as it hit the snow, the object exploded into a ball of rainbow light. Spitfire, who had dragged down her sketch pad during the fighting, oohed at the sudden burst of color.
"It's the Rainbow of Light (TM)!"
Vesper, who had entered through a plot hole, poked at Spitfire with a hoof.
"Ssh. We're not that cliché."
The Not-Really-But-Pretty-Close-To-It Rainbow of Light didn't really do much; the flash of light alone was enough to make the dragons and gryphons scatter in surprise. The only impressive thing it did was turn Lord Fluffypants into a chipmunk. Not wanting to get stepped on in the stampede of gryphons and dragons, the Chipmunk-Formerly-Known-As-Lord-Fluffypants skittered up a tree, chattering angrily at the unipegs. Riptide blinked at the sudden end of the chaos.
"So, that was..anticlimatic.."
"Yeah."
"Mhm."
Nova snorted, shaking the snow off himself and flying back into the caverns.
"Okay, I'm done with the hero bit. It's over. No more hero pony. You want someone to charge into battle, you find some other idiot, Vesper!"
Vesper shrugged at Nova's ranting, glancing around at the other mares.
"So, anyone interested in-"
Riptide and Spitfire flew back in the relative safety of the caverns before the question could be finished. Vesper, undaunted, grabbed a piece of paper from another conveniently placed plot hole and wandering back into the caverns, humming to herself as she started writing again.