Somnium et Umbra: Dream and Shadow
Conversation
He was alone in the darkness, completely alone. The shadows pressed against him, chilling his bones to the marrow and nothing he could do would keep them back any longer. He was tired of fighting, so very tired. What good came of it anyway? 'Where are you? I haven't lost you just yet, right? I need you here with me…'
And suddenly, she was there before him, an expression of deep sorrow on her face that was completely wrong for her. She put a hand on his shoulder and he could feel the lifelessness her touch imparted in depths of his soul.
"You're not really here, are you?" he asked her softly, reaching for her hand, "You were telling the truth; because of me, you died. Because I put you in danger and defended myself, you and everyone else died. I saved my own worthless life and let you die."
She bowed her head, hiding her death-dulled eyes beneath her bangs. "I told you before, Inuyasha," she said, "We can't together now. Why do you keep calling for me, insisting that I stay? Do you really want to put yourself through all this pain?"
"I'm sorry," Inuyasha apologized, his hand drifting toward her midnight hair that still shone as it had in life. "I can't help it. It took so long for us…when we finally knew…and I failed you again."
"Truth is painful, isn't it?" she replied somewhat bitterly. Her eyes met his again, ghostly tears frosting her lashes. "I wanted so much for us to be together. I guess this is as much as we'll ever have."
"It is what I deserve," Inuyasha said, and she did not say anything to disagree. 'I failed to protect Kikyou…no, I killed her with my own hands, and now I've failed to protect the woman who was willing to do anything for me, the woman I would have died for. She died for me instead, and this is how it must be…'
"Perhaps I could come with you. It's not like I have anything to hold me here."
Kagome smiled for the first time. "I would like that very much, my love…"
Kagome's breath billowed out of her mouth in clouds of steam as she ran, weaving in and out of the tree trunks that seemed to go on forever. 'Am I going in circles? I could swear that I've almost tripped over that same damned root three times now!' Almost spitefully, her right heel turned on a loose stone and a dart of pain shot up her leg as she fell heavily on her hands and knees.
"Itai!" she yelped. She felt the tears well up in her eyes, and she almost gave into the urge to cry. It was hopeless; there was no way she could find Inuyasha in this trackless forest, and even if she did, how would she save him if he did not even know she was there? The yoru-kyoufu would drag his soul into Hell and she would be left all alone. She was just not strong enough for this. 'Kikyou was right. I'm not experienced in this sort of thing. And now, because of my stupid pride, Inuyasha has no chance, and I'll probably end up losing my soul as well. That was the price, wasn't it? Why did I even think I was strong enough for this? Inuyasha and the others…they're always the strong ones. I'm always the one who has to be rescued. I'm no good, except being a Shikon detector, and even then…'
She felt like she was spinning farther and farther down a dark spiral; it would so easy to just let it all go. Better just to give in now and spare herself the trouble. It was not worth the effort. She was going to lose anyway. The darkness was too strong, she was too weak. It was better just to forget Inuyasha and everyone else and let herself give in…
"Nice try," she whispered. She forced her body to stand, ignoring the pain in her leg. "Nice try," she said again, her voice stronger, more defiant. She glared at the shadowed trees and crossed her arms across her chest. "You almost had me there," she told the listening darkness, "You almost made me give up. But you made a mistake. There's no way I'm going to forget, not my friends, not Inuyasha. If you're done jerking me around now, stop hiding him. I want him back."
Dead silence followed her declaration and Kagome had to consciously relax her body and calm herself. She knew now how the yoru-kyoufu claimed its victims; she had seen how it was claiming Inuyasha. Because she was a soul as yet apart from it, it could only whisper fear and doubt to her. But only if she listened, only if she was afraid, only if she doubted. 'I'm too close now to lose!'
"I'm waiting!" she barked, surprising herself. The shadows seem to shrink back from her anger. Kagome grinned. 'If my best weapon against this thing is bitchiness, I have no problem using it.' "You're just smoke and mirrors, and mirrors are fragile," she said in low voice, couched with threat, "I wonder what would happen if I tried to tear you apart…I can be an impatient person, you know…"
There was another, almost palpable, hesitation, before the shadowed forest blurred, the forms of the trees running together like ink when water has been thrown upon it. Kagome felt a bitter cold breeze drift over her, caressing her exposed skin and running fingers of chill through her hair, as if blindly seeking a point of weakness. It became stronger as the forest began to fade rapidly, till it seemed she was in the heart of a violent winter gale. Kagome had to force her mind away from the remembered terror of the blizzard, knowing that the yoru-kyoufu was playing another game. Defiantly, she walked into the driving wind, her eyes wide open and her fists clenched at her sides.
The wind stopped immediately and the silence made Kagome's ears pop. Instead of the forest illusion, she was surrounded by night blacker than the spaces between the stars. Kagome almost lost her nerve as she stared into infinity, but she grimly set her jaw and continued walking forward. Whatever it was she was walking on or whether she was even moving did not enter her mind. The only thought driving her now was to find Inuyasha.
"She is far gone now," Kikyou intoned, "She willingly goes deeper and deeper into the heart of darkness to find him."
"Isn't that a good thing?' Sango blurted. She immediately flushed when all the eyes in the room turned on her. "It means she's getting closer to him, right?"
"Perhaps," Kikyou answered stoically, "Perhaps not. The yoru-kyoufu does not willingly give up its prey and she must have a very strong will to face it directly."
"What about Inuyasha?" Miroku asked, "He's still fighting it. He has to be or there wouldn't be any hope for either of them."
"He grows weaker by the moment," said Kikyou, "He has lasted a long time, but inevitably, all that is flesh and warmth succumbs to the cold darkness."
"That had better be something you're quoting," Sango half-threatened, "If you thought there was no hope in the beginning, why did you even agree to help Kagome? It's as if you only did this to…" Sango's eyes went wide and she could not finish her sentence.
"Are you really so ready to doubt my intentions?" Kikyou said, meeting Sango's eyes unflinchingly, "There is a chance she will succeed. There is a chance she will not. It is not my business to hope for her or Inuyasha, not when hope is something I no longer have. Those who have died know only too well what a mockery hope is."
Kagome was almost running now. She had no idea where she was going, but she sensed that Inuyasha was close. She could almost feel his warmth, his presence coursed through her veins, gave her the strength to keep going. She charged through the last barrier almost without realizing it.
"So you found your way after all."
Kagome pulled up short, thinking for an insane moment that she had spoken those words to herself.
"You are annoyingly stubborn, you realize that?"
Not ten paces from her was a mirror, its perfect surface reflecting her every feature despite the shadows. But something was wrong with its eyes…Kagome stepped toward it.
The reflection did not move.
"You!" Kagome exclaimed, realizing what she was seeing.
"No…us," the reflection replied, grinning sardonically. It voice was a perfect match for hers, except it was totally devoid of warmth. Kagome shuddered. 'Not even Kikyou sounds like that…'
"Where is he?" she demanded, walking forward determinably, yet wary if the reflection should attack.
"We are surprised you did not sense him," it replied, "Your light was so drawn to his…it took all of our strength to blind him to it." The reflection stepped to one side, revealing Inuyasha huddled on the ground, his head cradled in his arms, his hands over his ears as if he was trying shut out the world.
"Inuyasha!" Kagome cried, falling on her knees beside him. She instinctively put her arms around him, triumph flooding through her when she felt his warmth, his responding strength. Nothing lashed out at her to drive her away, his form did not melt through hers like smoke. "Inuyasha?"
"Kagome?" It was the softest of whispers, and Kagome could not be certain she had heard it. Inuyasha made no effort to look at her, to respond in kind to her embrace. Puzzled, the first inklings of doubt souring the triumph, Kagome loosened her arms slightly to look down at him.
"I'm here," she said gently, "I'm here, Inuyasha. It's over. You must come with me."
"I know," he muttered resignedly, "I'm ready."
The abject despair and emptiness of his voice froze Kagome's heart. 'I wasn't too late. He's still here. He can hear me now, and feel me! Why then? Why is it that…?'
"He hears your words," her voice answered her, "But it is our voice, our meaning that he takes to his heart. Release him, annoyance; you only prolong the ordeal for us."
"Like hell I will!" Kagome raged, turning her attention to her copy without releasing Inuyasha, "You've lost! He will listen to me and we are going to leave this hell together!"
"Kagome, let's go," Inuyasha said beneath her. He raised his head and met her eyes.
"Oh no," Kagome gasped, pulling back in shock, "Inuyasha, no…"
His dark blank eyes stared at her, unseeing. The remnants of his spirit were still there, but the flame was so low. Only in her nightmare had she seen his approaching death so clearly.
"What did you do to him?!" Kagome shrieked at the reflection, "What the hell did you do?!"
"Only what he allowed himself to do," the reflection answered blandly, "He allowed himself to see his true nature. He is only giving up to the inevitable."
"The inevitable?!" Kagome yelled, getting to her feet. Rage at the thing that bore her face made her vision swim red. She balled her fists and launched herself at the copy. "You made him see it! You tricked him! You showed him illusions and drove him mad with guilt!"
Her fists met with empty air. Kagome spun about, seeking her enemy while her blood pounded hot and fierce through her.
"We cannot show anything that does not already exist," the reflection said as it knelt beside Inuyasha and ran its fingers through his hair in a mockery of affection.
"You stay away from him!" Kagome yelled, diving forward.
"So clumsy and so futile," the reflection hissed, suddenly stand out of arms reach behind her. Kagome turned her head and glared, but did not attack. There was no way she was going to leave Inuyasha's side again. She had to find some way to break the yoru-kyoufu's hold in some way other than blind charges. "We really do not understand why you are so determined or how you managed to come so far when you are so ill-disciplined. You are no miko, and yet you defy us."
Kagome gritted her teeth at the taunting, but did not otherwise show her irritation. "I may not be a miko," she retorted, "but I will fight you with everything that I have to bring Inuyasha back with me. If you give up now, you'll save yourself the trouble, since convenience seems to be so high on your priorities."
The reflection cocked its head to one side in a way that Kagome recognized as one of her own mannerisms. "Convenience is very high, yes," it answered, holding her with its dead eyes, "But this soul has resisted for a long time, much longer than most. We will not sacrifice it now to the demands of an annoying human brat."
"I'll keep being annoying, then," Kagome shot back, "That seems to be your weakness. You can pull all sort lies and tricks, but now that I'm here, I won't let Inuyasha fall any further. I will make him see that you were only lying to him."
"Yes, lying," it said, "You seem to come back to that word a lot. We did not lie to him; it is not in our nature. We are the stuff of nightmares, the phantoms of a soul's creation. We cannot assume any form that he has not already conjured himself."
The burning of the funeral pyre. The murder of the crowd. Kikyou rended by merciless claws.
"No!" Kagome blurted, shaking her head at the memory, "You're lying! You took his worst nightmares and made them real for him! And then you perverted them further, making him kill those people and Kikyou!"
"We made him?" the reflection echoed, "Have you not heard of free will? It is rather more annoying than you are on the whole, but, given the right guidance, it can be quite useful. You say we lie, and we say we merely show a version of the truth."
"A truth that serves your own ends, and that's the same thing as lying!" Kagome exclaimed, "Inuyasha would never have acted in such a way, I know it!"
The reflection laughed, high, cruel, mocking laughter. "Truly not a miko! But it seems you know nothing of the nature of the one you say you love!" The laughter died abruptly. "He was shown his worst nightmares, yes, but he was always free to choose the way he would react. You seem to believe that he would have turned his back on his mother's shame, forgiven those who cared not if he burned to death, given up power, or given up his life to die with his friends. But it was not in his nature to do so, and he falls into a darkness of his own making. He is like us, consuming, of fear and terror, of hatred and violence. He cannot be but else."
"I don't believe you," Kagome said evenly, "Inuyasha is nothing like you describe. He cares for his friends. He is willing to go through anything for them. He's risked his life for them…for me. Any weakness you might think he has is more than overwhelmed by his strength."
"And yet he sits there, ready to follow us into the darkness," the reflection pointed out somewhat gleefully, "Where is this strength you speak of, annoyance? It was all an illusion to begin with."
"He might have thought such things before," Kagome admitted.
The reflection grinned.
"But he would never act on them! He wouldn't even really consider them as options unless you forced it on him! All those things, the anger, the fear, you forced on him."
The reflection only grinned wider, a cunning, feral showing of teeth that Kagome shuddered to see on her own face.
Kagome clenched her fists against the sudden drop of her heart. What is there was something true in what the yoru-kyoufu said? 'You're letting it get to you, girl, come one, fight it!' "It is not," she said, almost to herself. 'Come on, what is the yoru-kyoufu's weakness? You know it lies, so fight it with…' "I am here now because I love him. I am here because I know he loves me, and would face the same risks for my sake. I am no illusion that you can manipulate. I am the truth that will take him from your hands."
For the first time, the reflection's countenance appeared troubled, if only for a moment. "Love is it?" it bit back, somewhat hastily, "What is love but a justification for generations of hormone-driven procreation for the sake of making a species survive? Do we need to show you what his base desires are? Love is nothing."
"Is that so?" Kagome retorted. She stood and reached out toward the reflection. The image flinched slightly. Kagome let her hand drop to her side, a triumphant smile on her lips. "Then why are you afraid of my touch? I think only of protecting Inuyasha and bringing him back, no matter the cost to myself. If love is nothing, then why do cower when I reach for you?"
"I-It's nothing like that!" the reflection stammered. A snarl contorted its lips as Kagome took another step forward. "Stay back, or w-we will…!"
"What? What can you do to me or to him, as long as our love binds us together?" Kagome demanded, "If you think you will take him to Hell, you'll have to get through me first!"
The challenge had the impact of a physical blow. The reflection crumpled in pain, folding in on itself like a paper doll. A shrill scream pierced Kagome's ears as the darkness swallowed itself. She flung herself onto Inuyasha, shielding him with her body as the darkness swirled around them, driving into her like knives of iced fire. Kagome gritted her teeth. The torment was like nothing she had ever known. Ever terror, every fear, every hate she had ever felt coursed through her. She would have screamed if she had the breath. She saw herself being consumed by the darkness, Inuyasha reaching for her in desperation, the knowledge that he had saved himself at the cost of her life stark on his face. His weakness had left her to the dark, and her light would drown in a sea of black. There was but an instant for her to speak her last words, to demand why he had betrayed her.
"I love you," Kagome said, and closed her eyes.
"I love you."
No words of accusation, of anger, of betrayal. Inuyasha gaped at her, hardly daring to believe. As the darkness closed her eyes for the final time, he clasped her to him. "Kagome, don't leave me now! I love you! Kagome!!"
The darkness shrieked as it was sundered by a nova of gold and blue light.
"It is finished."
"What!?" Miroku and Sango leapt to their feet and stared open-mouthed at Kikyou.
"Kaede, the incense, please," Kikyou said smoothly, ignoring them. Kaede quickly proffered the last piece of incense, her tenseness clear in the abruptness of her movements. Kikyou placed the incense in the dying red flame of the brazier. The flame roared to life, sapphire blue limned in gold. Kikyou paused and stared at it as if entranced.
"What's wrong?" Miroku demanded, seeing Kikyou's hesitation.
"What happened to them?" Sango burst at the same time, staring fearfully at the still bodies of her two friends.
"Nothing, it…" Kikyou began, shaking her head as she turned her gaze away from the flame, "…it is nothing. They are returning and I must concentrate to guide them safely, so sit down and be quiet."
The terseness of Kikyou's reply was enough to freeze Sango and Miroku in place. It took several more seconds before the purport of her words dawned on them.
"Sango…!" Miroku gasped, turning to her.
Sango merely grasped his hand and smiled, shaking her head as diamond tears shone in her eyes.
The smoke that curled up from the flame was white as snow and nearly translucent. It obeyed Kikyou's direction and curled around Inuyasha and Kagome, embracing their bodies like a living mist.
"Return, oh wandering lights, rejoin with flesh and bone," Kikyou chanted, "Breathe life, restore the beat of the heart. Turn from oblivion and the darkness. Rejoin life, light, and hope."
Inuyasha's body spasmed suddenly, a hoarse groan issuing from his lips.
Sango's grip on Miroku's hand tightened like a vice.
Very slowly, as if he was asleep, Inuyasha sat up. His face was peaceful and his eyes were closed. Unerringly, he reached out for Kagome and brought her lifeless body to him, cradling her in his arms. Without thought or warning, he brought his face down to hers and kissed her.
All but Kikyou had to shield their eyes from the burst of light that flooded the shrine.
Kagome sucked in a lungful of what had to be the sweetest air she had ever breathed, gasping as life flooded through her. Her limbs felt heavy and trembled as though she had swum a thousand miles. And yet she felt no pain; she was swaddled in bliss, and if she opened her eyes…
"Yo."
Kagome smiled and crinkled her nose at the look in his warm golden eyes. "Yo, yourself," she murmured. Her eyes searched his, the last spark of anxiety searching for any remnant of the shadow that had nearly claimed them both. Nothing was there but the bright burning of his spirit. Kagome sighed in relief. All her fears and doubts relieved, she could allow exhaustion to reclaim her.
Inuyasha chuckled, not willingly to let her get away so easily. "You know I love you, right?" he whispered into her ear.
"Mmm," Kagome confirmed, and fell asleep in his arms.
Narrator here. Oh my God…
I think I am going to have to do a little victory dance. (proceeds to do the "Happy Hamster Dance of Victory") Yay! I did it! I did a romance/angst/drama! Whoo-hoo! And I could not have done it without all of you reviewing and prodding me to finish. Love to all of you!
C-Chan: Yep, it is good to be back. But everything is not all said and done! Ohohoho!!
Crystal Twilight and Rika: Here's a box of hankies, though I am sure I am bit late. Maa maa, everything is all right now, neh?
Thunk: (bows) Thank you so much for reviewing my work. You have no idea how honored I am. I love your work, of which I am sure you are aware. Thank you again for reviewing! Okay, you can put the banner away now…
Dia: Ooo, I am blushing! Ohohoho, I did not think anyone would be so complimentary of my style! And, er, I hope your withdraw symptoms have lessened. I promise not to delay too long in finishing up. And yeah, the authoress/character interactions at the end are my favorite part, too!
Inuyasha: Only 'cuz you like torturing me.
Narrator: Duh. Hardcore Kouga fangirl and all.
Inuyasha: *mutters something impolite about wolves and their women*
Narrator: Say what?
Kagome: Ah ha ha ha, nothing nothing! *steps between Inuyasha and Narrator, stepping on Inuyasha's foot very hard in the process* Don't mind him! Oh, and thank you to everyone out there who said we should live! Narrator seriously was considering letting me die…
Narrator: Only because you'd be the one everyone would miss most… *looks pointedly at Inuyasha*
Inuyasha: *oblivious* Why the #@$#$@$#!$# did you step on my foot, wench?!?!
Kagome: -_- Inuyashaaaaaa…
Inuyasha: O.O Oh shit…*brace for impact*
Kagome: You want some ice cream?
Inuyasha: *already face down on the floor* Argh, why did you…huh?
Narrator: I knew it was the conditioning!
Okay minna-san, just one more chapter to tie up the loose ends. Look forward to it please!
Salute!