Grey Eyes And Golden Nightmares

Chapter 4

Kagome sat on the lip of the Bone Gobbling Well, her eyes distant and unfocused as she let her mind drift on the cool breeze toying with her hair.

She finally understood why Inuyasha infallibly returned to the Goshinboku, despite the fact that he had been for all intents and purposes killed and imprisoned against it for fifty years. There was just something peaceful, almost meditative, in the feeling of sitting at the first place she'd come awake in this time. Something that helped to soothe her nerves, helped her to think…

Even now when it no longer served its function.

Kagome smiled faintly down into the dry well, sliding out of her sandals and putting them aside to feel the smooth wood and cool dirt against her feet. Her eyes drifted closed under the soothing pulse she could feel from the soil, one hand lifting to trace along the scar over her sternum.

Unbidden, her mind brought her the images from four years ago, seeing her younger-self staggering towards the well with single-minded determination.

~

So much blood…

Kagome stared back at the trail in the dirt and grass and winced, knowing that the moment her friends had finished fighting with the weak youkai attacking the village that they would have no trouble tracking her down. They had been hovering since she finally woke, their eyes filled with silent concern, but relieved that she had come out of her comatose state. Inuyasha hadn't wanted her to move, even now staying close and pushing her back down gently every time she had tried to start lifting herself with murmured scolds to save her strength for healing.

He didn't understand…

She had heard them talking at night when they thought she was asleep, all of them debating on whether Inuyasha should return her to her time and destroy the well. But she was the only one who could sense the jewel, see the shards they needed to find so very desperately. That was the only thing that was stopping them, but they were trying harder every night to find ways to work around that.

Kagome couldn't let that happen.

She'd been biding her time for something like this… determined to carry through on her own plan before they could gang up on her and force her to do things their way. It was sheer stubbornness alone that kept her going, her weight braced on a convenient staff she had found against Kaede-sama's hut when she realized her body was still too battered and weak for how she needed to move.

Funny how she hadn't realized just how injured she was until now, so long after the fight with Naraku and Kohaku that had changed her life so completely.

But she couldn't stop without finishing what she'd set out to do, not when Inuyasha and the others would be able to figure out what she was doing and stop her if she didn't do it quickly.

Steeling herself against the exhaustion trying to press in on her mind, she stumbled on, mindless to the blood she left on trees and bushes when she caught herself on the random solid objects. It felt like forever, but the familiar clearing finally came into view, and Kagome nearly went to her knees with the wave of relief that swept through her.

It was the most bizarre thing, but the closer she came to the well, the less she could feel the pain and exhaustion that had been so very severe in her trek to this destination… Then again, she lifted her hand to her head with a slight frown as the grayish haze that seemed to always dance at the edge of her vision expanded, taking over to narrow her view of color like a tunnel.

However, she was not about to question the blessed numbness that made it easier for her to straighten and put the make-shift crutch aside as she reached the edge of the innocent looking well.

Kagome pressed her bloody palms flat to the wood, letting out a shuddering breath as she peered down into the blackness of the well. Almost as though it was aware of what she prepared to do, for the first time, she saw the bluish light spark and curl into a little vortex at the bottom to illuminate her pale face.

"Mama… Souta… Jii-chan…" her voice sounded hollow in her own ears, echoing back to her as tears slid down her cheeks, mixing with the blood of the reopened wound across her face and dripping down into that whirlpool below.

With every tiny spatter, the magic would ripple like water, the blue light turning deep purple where it struck before it smoothed back out.

"Forgive me," her eyes closed on the renewed wave of guilt that came with remembering. "If I had thought… I should have sealed the well and stayed here the first time I came through and knew Naraku had seen me here. If I had, he never would have come… Jii-chan would be alive and you would have… you would have been safe."

She sucked in a deep, shaking breath, focusing deep inside herself to search for the same power that had rushed through her when she had fought back and killed both the puppet and Kohaku. She felt the rush of heat, a sense of light-headedness at the unfamiliar ripple when her magic obediently surfaced, crackling and snapping around her in whip-like traces. With the flicks of white-hot energy curling up and around her body, caressing and singeing grass and wood, she opened glowing eyes to look back down at the well.

"I don't belong there… This power of mine…" she choked off, swallowing hard before she continued. "They understand it in this time. I can't be where I can destroy everything I love… everyone I love if I get angry, if I lose control. I'll make it up to you."

Kagome's expression changed from desolate to determined as she leaned against the well and stared down at the magic, "I promise you that Naraku will be destroyed… and once the Shikon-no-Tama is complete, Inuyasha will use it to make his wish and all of this… this bullshit will be over. If I change the past, you'll be alive in the future… without me, but alive."

She sucked in a deep breath, her muscles going taut as she focused on sending her magic pouring over the sides of the well, moving in on the blue light in a curtain of heat before it mixed together and turned white… like lightning. The air turned scorching, but just like in the future, she remained unharmed in the heart of it, her jaw clenching hard as she blindly recalled the feel of the well's magic and sent all her will… all her soul into disrupting that rhythm and sealing it shut.

"KAGOME!!"

She frowned at the distant shout, momentarily faltering as her eyes slid off to the woods, "Damn…"

She was running out of time, and with that thought clear in her mind, turned her full focus into flooding the well with every bit of strength and magic she was capable of producing despite the twinge of pain it started in her healing wounds. "They won't stop me, Souta… I made a promise, and I'll keep it even if it kills me," she whispered, oblivious to the renewed flow of blood from her battered body as the dark streams dripped into the well and mingled even more with the violently roiling magic.

"Kagome-sama, stop!!" Miroku's voice came from somewhere above her, raised over Sango's horrified gasp and Shippou's frightened wail.

'Kirara,' she set her jaw stiffly, knowing the fire youkai would have no trouble getting close and forcing herself that much harder. She had to do this before they reached her; before they could stop her from protecting what was left of her family.

"You bitch! What the fuck are you doing?!" Inuyasha's snarl made her cringe, but she still didn't stop.

She was so close, she could taste it, her magic shoving hard against the magic within the well and burning hotter, brighter. 'C'mon!! PLEASE!!' she screamed it in her mind as she felt the clawed hands seize her waist, but he yanked her back too late.

The light within the well exploded upwards like a geyser, sending all of them crashing end over end away from it as it started to whirl about madly. Kagome pushed herself up on her elbows, staring at the white tornado illuminating the dusk around them brighter than the sun at noon and whipping gale force winds off the trees in a deafening rush.

Before their stunned eyes, the tornado began to break apart, magic pouring like waterfalls down around the well as it slowly melted down into wooden structure before shuddering once more and abruptly going black… silent.

Inuyasha shot to his feet, gaping at her and then the well and back at her, "You… what did you do?!"

Kagome slumped back, her eyes dull with exhaustion as the fiery tracers died down again, only a few snaking around her body, "I… made a promise…"

His eyes went wide, panicked as he rushed to the well and jumped in, her other friends making their way hesitantly to her side when the hanyou let out a shout of disbelieving fury.

"Kagome-chan… you…didn't…?" Sango whispered, unable to complete the thought as she knelt uncertainly at the younger girl's side.

Inuyasha reappeared in front of her almost in a blur, trying hard to appear angry while his eyes gave away his confusion and even slight horror, "You can't go back… The magic… it's…"

"Gone," she responded, her eyes closing as her body finally started to shake with her return to feeling. "They're safe…"

"Kagome-sama…"

'Safe from everything… from me…' she whispered blearily, taking in a deep, shuddering breath and let it out, her entire body relaxing as she let herself slip into unfeeling oblivion.

~

"Safe," Kagome repeated, her hand lifting to her face to trace her fingertip over the jagged scar that ran from her left ear all the way across her face to her right eye.

She took a deep breath of the clean air around her, looking down into the well again before lowering her hand to touch the white hand prints that had been left behind so long ago by her amateur spell. The only good thing that had come from her success while she was so untrained was that she hadn't simply sealed the well… she had utterly destroyed the magic connecting their two worlds, making it impossible for any of her companions –or enemies, in this time to reopen the portal.

Inuyasha had tried.

He'd forced Kaede to go with him to the well time and time again as she slowly recovered, growling that Kagome needed to be safe, and that the only way that could be certain was if she returned and sealed it from her side. But every time they returned unsuccessful, and Kagome would simply watch from her futon or where she sat in the grass outside the hut with Shippou keeping constant watch over her.

Miroku had even taken to "relieving" the little kitsune, sending him off to play with the other children as he took it upon himself to try and draw her out of her shell. She'd surprised him… hell, she'd surprised all of them when she'd finally spoken again, but then she doubted he had expected her to ask for instruction.

That had been the start of the unorthodox bonding. Whenever Sango was off by herself, more and more Miroku was actually listening to her requests for privacy, but then, with the loss of her brother, they had all become uncertain towards her again… and none more so than Kagome. To distract them both while Sango was away and Inuyasha trying to reopen the well, Miroku would instead keep Kagome company; assisting her with meditation and focus while her body recovered.

Later, at her insistence, he moved on to combat.

Kagome smiled at the memory, turning her gaze down to the naginata within her hand's reach, leaning slightly to trail a fingertip down the smooth staff, murmuring as she brought her hand back to her lap, "We found another shard, Souta."

Her gaze turned back to the well briefly before she sighed and looked up at the sky, closing her eyes to let the warm sun relax her, "We're getting close now, I feel it. Naraku will be destroyed, and Inuyasha will get rid of that damned jewel for good when he wishes to become a youkai."

Silence met her soft declaration, but Kagome still continued the ritual she had formed throughout their resumed search, coming to the well to tell her family in general and her brother in particular what was happening. She liked to imagine them well, whole, her brother grown and worrying about the same things that had once plagued her own life before the surreal complications of the well.

Kagome bit her lip and forced her thoughts away from their melancholy path, well aware that it was one of the only emotions she still felt clearly, and not wanting it to influence tonight's nightmares, "I don't know what I'll do with myself when no one needs me, but Miroku's been such a wonderful teacher… I can control myself now, Souta. Tell Mama I won't accidentally burn down any more buildings, ne?"

Kagome paused when a shiver traced down her spine, the naginata instantly in hand as she sat with motionless poise, all her senses attuned to the source of the disruption and her aura crackling with controlled traces of magic. She waited with a faint frown touching her lips, ready to defend herself in an instant until the peace of the afternoon smoothed back into place. She let out her held breath and shook her head, 'Probably just a youkai wandering at the edge of the woods…'

"If you could only see your big sister now, Souta," she muttered with more than a little self-disgust. "I've gotten just as paranoid as Inuyasha. I spark at every little thing that tweaks my aura. It's embarrassing… but it keeps me alive."

Her eyes warmed as she turned her attention back down to the well, "I know what I wanted to tell you… I don't want you or Mama to worry about me after all this in finally over. Miroku and I have been talking, and he says that if we survive and… and things don't go the way we both hope… Well, if it turns out differently, he says I can travel with him. Kaede-obaa-sama even says that we can stay in the village permanently if we want.

"Miroku's a… a good friend to me, Souta," Kagome's voice lowered, her gray-rimmed eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sango too, but… I don't feel right around her since I killed Kohaku. And apologizing just seems so impotent."

Kagome leaned back, fingering the vial of shards at her throat where the modified kimono she now wore gapped open, "It doesn't feel right to bother Inuyasha either. Since Naraku killed Kikyou and I broke the well, he's been distant… withdrawn. I feel so strange when I look at him now.

"My feelings for him haven't changed, but I feel… disconnected," she frowned as she tried to vocalize what she had been struggling to admit even to herself over the past few years. "It's like I'm watching him through someone else's eyes instead of my own. Maybe that's why I'm spending so much time with Miroku.

"Don't get me wrong, Souta, there's no way I could love him the same way I love Inuyasha, but I do still love him very much," she heaved a deep, frustrated sigh. "He's always there for me, cheering me up, or just holding me when my soul feels so cold. …And I do still want to get married someday, have a few kids, that whole thing. If I live through the fight with Naraku."

Kagome suddenly made a sound of disgust, wrinkling her nose as she straightened, "Listen to me! I sound so pathetic I'm making myself sick!"

She hopped to her feet, lithely stretching the kinks out of her limbs before picking up her weapon, kissing two fingertips from her other hand and pressing them to the pale handprints, "I love you, Souta, Mama, Jii-chan… I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, but I'll keep my promise to you no matter what happens," her fingers trailed loving off the well, and she whispered her farewell softly. "Get well, Souta. Ja…"

"Are you finished then, Kagome-sama?" Miroku's soft voice had her chuckling softly, eyes chiding and affectionate as she turned to look at the monk standing at the edge of the wood.

"How do you do that?" she turned her back on the well as the monk walked calmly to join her, his staff making a tinkling, soothing rhythm with each step. "Every time, you're here right as I'm ready to leave."

The stoic expression left his face as he smiled affectionately, reaching out to cup her chin and lightly pull her forward for a soft kiss. He leaned back and gave her a particularly charismatic smile as he answered, "It is in my best interests to know the pattern you take in speaking with your family. You take the same amount of time, and if I am here when you finish, I have a moment of daylight with you."

Kagome could feel the chill in her soul melt away slightly at the contact and smiled as she lightly swatted him on the head, "Hentai."

"Come," he chuckled and slid his cursed hand down her arm to clasp hers, pulling her close for an embrace before he turned to lead her back towards the village. "Inuyasha wants to leave soon, after he's checked the area once more, and I was sent to fetch you."

"Mou, you make me sound like a pet," she rolled her eyes, but laced her fingers with his easily. They would break apart like always before they reached the village, yet they were both aware how much the other needed the contact, the reassurance of a loving touch, an understanding soul.

Mutual pain and mutual rejection…

Kagome slanted him a look and whispered to herself, repeating what he'd said to her a few nights before, "Better with a friend than alone, Miroku?"

His lips quirked in an affectionate smile as he reached back and squeezed her backside and returned her response, "Aa, Kagome… at least we both understand rejection."

They fell silent, both taking comfort in the easy camaraderie that had only grown deeper over time, letting it soothe old and new pain.

And both completely unaware of the golden eyes following their progress with painful realization, "Kagome..."