From the Mind Of...
(I don't own Buffy, Joss Whedon does. Again I just like to borrow it.)
Summary: Just some thoughts on what may be going on inside the minds of the gang as they gear up for the impending apocalypse. P.S. It may just be my friend, but does anyone else think that Buffy in "" was the first?)
Buffy
What the hell are they thinking? They choose Faith over me? Faith, she's a killer, an unremorseful killer. She can't lead them, hell I can't even lead them. And I'm the slayer. I'm supposed to fight the Big Bad and save the world. Again. They can't truly expect that Faith can do any better than I've been doing. Why am I crying? Oh, shit. What's wrong with me? There can't be something wrong with me again. Not now, not when I've just been cast out of my home by my own little sister.
Dawn! How could she do that to me? Making me leave my own house. "Bye Buffy, don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out." She kicks me out after everything I've done for her. I died for her.
And Willow. And Xander. They didn't even stick up for me. When Willow's little girlfriend was chewing me out, she didn't even defend me. What crawled up Kennedy's butt and died any way? She was real adamant about Faith being in charge instead of me. Grr... Faith. Xander did nothing, just sat there. Of course he did just lose his eye. Oh, damnit! There I go crying again. The story of my god-damned life, I walk around a cemetery at night and cry. All I need is Spike to show up. Don't jinx it, Buff. Oh, Xander. Caleb just lifted him up and popped out his eye. "You're the one that sees everything, aren't ya?" He said to Xander in that hick farmer accent. I didn't do anything, I just watched in horror as he squeezed his beautiful, brown eye. Then, Spike goes and saves him.
If Spike were there tonight, he'd have backed me up. He knows what I go through, my torment in having to make the difficult decisions. He's the only one who knows. I knew I wasn't going to get any support from Giles. Not after what I said to him. He deserved it though, trying to kill Spike. Deep, deep, deep, deep, down I still need him, my watcher. And it hurts to know he's not there like he was. Deep deep, deep, deep, deep, down, it hurts. Wood's still angry with me. Don't blame him, but don't care either.
Funny thing was that Faith was with me. She actually agreed with me, somewhat. Faith did what I should've done. Look at the situation from all angles. I guess being in prison really did clear some of the crazies up. Faith, the dark slayer. She's not even supposed to be in this fight. She would've never either, if I hadn't died and Kendra hadn't died. It's my fault and she knows it. I don't blame them for wanting Faith to lead. Much. A new change of scenery, maybe? Someone not crazy and shaken like I am. Well, yeah. I knew this was coming.
God Damnit! I want to scream from the rooftops. Ahhhhhhh! What's so different about this apocalypse? Why is this one so hard? What have I done to deserve this? What have my friends done? We fight evil, that's what we do. That's what I'm supposed to do, I'm the Slayer, I'm the Chosen One. I'm supposed to do this! Xander never needed to, neither did Willow, nor Dawn, or Anya, not Tara, or Riley, or Oz, Ms. Calendar didn't, not Cordelia. But they were all there, they all fought along side me, and some of them died and others left. Angel was forced to fight, because he had a tortured soul, he sought redemption. And Spike, he couldn't do anything about it, after a while. Now he chose to fight with me.
So, here I am, in the only place I feel comfortable in. Sitting on this headstone, feeling sorry for myself. Yep, I've got it all together. They're all speaking the truth, I know that. I knew it the moment I started to give them the pep talk from hell. Maybe I thought it would get better if they all were killed. Or if I got killed. Then it will all be over.
But I can't do that. I can't, I won't. If I die, I die fighting. We'll die all together. All for one and one for all, right? No. We're not going to die. We're going to win. So, help me God. We'll win this one, because, well because, we are. Yeah, we'll beat this one. Here comes Spike.
Dawn
I can't be downstairs anymore. I can't believe what I did. I kicked out my own sister. The only one who's ever been there for me. The one who died for me. She loved me even after she found out I was the Key. After everything I've done, I've caused, she still loved me. And look what I do to repay her.
Her room. It still cutesy. The only thing pink in my room is my pillow. Buffy still likes frilly comforters. I guess it's 'cause she has to be so hard everywhere else, in her bedroom she can still be a normal girl. Which is more than I'll ever be. I'm still dealing with being a former universe destroying ball of light. Nobody knows who I am, they were just implanted with memories, to think they know me.
The only one who really knows me is Spike. He's like my big brother. Yeah, he's a vampire, and he did try to rape my sister, which I'm still pissed at him for, but he was always there for me, he never tried to hurt me. He's an outsider, like me. If he was here tonight, he would've defended Buffy against us. It was really bitchy of Rona to bring up their relationship. I wanted to smack her for that remark. But, I knew she was telling the truth, or at least how she saw it.
Maybe that's it, the truth. We don't know what is true anymore, the First has made sure of that. Buffy's losing it, I can tell. And I just made it worse. I make everything worse. God, pity much Dawn? I made it worse, but I don't regret what I did. Eventually, everything will be all right. It's always turns out all right. I hope.
Xander
What a welcome home party, huh? I wish I would've lost an ear instead of an eye, then I wouldn't have heard all the mudslinging. Ugh, I don't have an eye. I forced myself to look at it in the mirror before I came over to Buffy's. I've seen worse since I've been in the gang, but I guess since it happened to me, that's why I tossed my cookies. Pretty gruesome stuff, no squishy bulb of white flesh with a chocolate-brown iris, no cornea, no lens, I learned some of the lingo while I was in the hospital. No, there's nothing there except a hallow socket, oh God, (gulp) it's gross.
Well, I'm okay with it, I guess. Well, I finally have an excuse for wearing an eye patch. I'll look more dashing, or at least more interesting. I tried to make Willow smile. That pirate costume joke, priceless. She just sat there, with her big Willow eyes filled with big Willow tears, making an effort so it wouldn't seem so bad, but I knew she wanted to cry until the Kreflak demons came home. I still can't believe is that Spike saved me before that whacked out priest popped my other eye out. Spike, the bane of my existence, the one who screwed my fiance, the one who was screwing my best friend, the kind of monster we, as fighters of evil, are supposed to kill. The one who saved me. Eh, he might be getting soft.
I feel so bad, other than physically. For the first time in seven years, I really don't know what to do. Should I run after Buffy and tell her it's all going to be okay, not to listen to anyone and just come back inside? Should I yell at all of these girls? And that's what they are, girls, kids, most younger than we were when we started this whole crusade. Should I tell them to listen to Buffy because she's they only one who can save us? Is she?
Is she really the one who can stop this apocalypse from coming? Can she fight it, or is she too weak? I've never ever thought of her as weak. Stupid, yeah, I mean she did screw Spike and Angel, but never thought she was ever incapable of saving my behind or the rest of the world. I can't picture Faith doing it, she's a taco short of a combination plate, if you know what I mean. Willow couldn't, Anya, Dawn, any of the potentials, Giles, or me, no way. It's always been Buffy. Buffy saving the world, dying for her friends, and we just throw her out like last week's trash. "Bye Buff, thanks for all you've done, now get the hell out." Or "Gee, Buff, we know you're the slayer and that you've saved the world like a gazillion times already, but we don't like your plan, so... don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."
Because that's what it's all about. We kicked her out because we didn't like her plan, it was a bad plan. The thing is, it's a bad plan and the consequences would've been huge, but what if Faith's plan is just as bad, or worse? I heard how the potentials all liked Faith, 'cause she took them out and bought their affection. In some weird way, I don't think this is what Faith wanted, anyway. She knows she's irresponsible and has some screws loose. She knows we're going to need Buffy. And we aren't going to be able to do this without her.
Should I say something? 'Cause usually it's what I do, put my two cents in even though it doesn't do a whole lotta good. I'm "the one that sees everything", right? I'm the heart of the group, the one without any powers, except my strange knack for attracting crazies and demons. What should I do? I don't think anybody expects me to do something. Y'know, the whole losing an eye gig? Or, should I just sit here and keep my mouth shut, and not do anything, for the first time in seven years.?