Disclaimer: Gosh I get sick of these. I did not invent these characters! I am making no money from this! If I were J.K. Harry Potter would be very different! For starters Ron and Hermione would get even more chance to be adorable together and the teachers would not be so blatantly anti-Slytherin! Hmm, that little rant came out of nowhere.
**Narcissa's Thoughts**
_emphasis_
Wedding Bells Just Turned to Rust
Chapter 18
Narcissa was feeling rather pleased with herself with regards to her victory over Lucius the previous week. However, she knew he was not in a good mood and had therefore been avoiding him more than usual. She was forced to spend time with him eventually however as they needed to get Draco his school things.
"Are you two quite ready?!" Lucius snapped; Narcissa assumed his worse than usual mood was due to the reminder that he had lost the schools argument.
"Yes, we're coming." Narcissa answered him calmly.
They flooed into the Leaky Cauldron and Lucius looked around him disdainfully, "Do you think they ever clean this place?" he asked unpleasantly.
Narcissa decided to regard the question as rhetorical and didn't answer him.
Stepping out into the sunshine of Diagon Alley Narcissa felt her spirits lift, she'd always loved this place, it was one of the few places in her life that had remained a constant and it was comforting to be there.
They strolled leisurely down the busy winding street, or as leisurely as they could with Lucius' impatience, he was not as fond of the sunshine as his wife was.
They walked past the apothecary's and Narcissa glanced in, she had been fascinated with this place ever since she had first been there in her childhood. This time though it was not the ingredients that caught her attention.
Inside the shop was a tall man with shoulder length black hair and black robes with an expression of fascination and calm on his face, which was quite different to his usual scowl, making him look almost handsome. **Hang on a moment did I just think Sev was almost handsome?** She looked at him more critically. The black robes that should have made him look unhealthily pale somehow didn't, they offset his hair perfectly and the look of respect and wonder on his face did indeed make him look handsome. Narcissa smiled as she realised how long it had been since she had seen the man around his beloved potions ingredients.
"Narcissa, did you listen to a word I just said?" Lucius broke in on her thoughts.
**No. Now shut up so I can work out why I suddenly think Severus Snape is attractive!** "I'm sorry I didn't catch that dear." **Suppose I should make an effort for Draco's sake!**
"I said, why don't I get his books, I need to go to Flourish and Blots anyway, and you can take him to Madame Malkin's for his robes, that is more your area of expertise," he sneered at his wife.
**Oh right, God forbid I should understand what's written in those books better than you! Never mind that I've read more of the books in our library than you will in your life. I'll just go back to worrying my pretty little head about whether my robes are up to date with the latest fashions!**
Narcissa cast a longing look at the Apothecary's, "What about getting his potions ingredients?"
"I've already got them at home. Now are you going to take him to get those robes or not?!"
"Of course, we'll see you outside Flourish and Blots once we've got them."
Lucius walked away while Narcissa and Draco headed towards Madame Malkin's when Narcissa had a thought.
"Sweetheart, you don't really need me to come with you do you? You know what you need, Hogwarts robes, hat, winter cloak and pick out some new dress robes."
"Er, ok. Where are you going?" Draco asked, clearly curious.
"Just to look at wands for you, I'll meet you in Ollivanders, alright?"
Draco nodded and headed into the robe store. Narcissa headed back to the apothecary's but when she reached there Severus was nowhere in sight. **Damn it!** Suddenly she heard a voice behind her.
"Hello. Looking for someone?"
**I'd know that voice anywhere!**
"Yes, you," she said turning to face Severus and smiling.
"Oh."
"I'm here with Lucius and Draco, we're getting his school things, he starts at Hogwarts in September."
"I know."
**As monosyllabic as ever!** she thought affectionately, realising how much she'd missed the man in the last five years. "I saw you before, I've been wanting to talk to you."
"About Draco?"
"Yes. I said I was going to look at wands and gave them the slip."
"Why not just say you were going to meet someone else?"
"Lucius wouldn't like that and I don't want to push my luck too far at the moment."
"Why not?"
"Had to pull out all the stops just to prevent him from sending Draco to Durmstrang. He's not in the best mood with me even though I did manage to talk him round, or perhaps because I managed to talk him round."
"Lucius can be quite resolute. I'm impressed that you changed his mind."
"Little bit of Slytherin manipulation and a refusal to back down or let him intimidate me did the trick. What are you doing here anyway?"
"I came to pick up some potions ingredients for next year, besides Potter Jr.'s here to get his school things, Dumbledore thought it would be advisable if a couple of teachers from the school were here just in case."
"What in case someone tried something in the middle of Diagon Alley?!" Narcissa laughed incredulously.
"I believe Dumbledore was more worried that he would be mobbed by admirers but yes there are still dark witches and wizards on the loose, as you well know." Severus shot her a dark look, 'Potter Jr.' appeared to have put him in a bad mood.
"Ouch!" she frowned.
He merely raised an eyebrow.
She decided she'd probably had that coming to her and changed the subject, "So, you're here to protect the boy whose father you hated."
"That's the long and the short of it yes."
"Fun!"
"Not really."
"If they were that worried why didn't they just send a teacher with him?"
"They did, Hagrid," he said as if that one word should explain it all. It did to Narcissa he had been there in her Hogwart's days.
"Oh, well I'm sure he could look after the kid, if he doesn't get drunk and lose him that is." She smirked, but more in affection than disdain as she had rather liked the giant man.
"Precisely my worry, but he made it through the Leaky Cauldron so I think the real danger's past."
The two of them laughed, it was only for a moment but in ten years it was the closest that had got to acting like the friends they had once been.
"What did you want to talk to me about Draco for anyway? Do you want to get a drink or are we ok here?"
"We should be ok, Lucy's in Flourish and Blots with a rather long book list and as it looked like half the world was in there he'll probably be a while."
"Lucy!?"
"Oh, just something I call him as a term of disrespect."
Severus couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Lucius Malfoy being called Lucy. "I hope you don't do that to his face."
"Not usually but I had a near miss once," she laughed.
"Last time we met you told me you still loved him, do you now?"
"Oh, I don't know. No, I don't think so." She paused, "It's just every now and then he'll do something, like take my arm when it's snowing so that I don't fall over, or laugh at my jokes, or escort me into a dinner party looking proud to have me on his arm, and I see the man I fell for and I fall all over again. He's not all bad Sev, I know that there was good in him once and I'm not delusional, I don't think that I can find it or that I can change him. He's not just in need of a bit of love and a push in the right direction. I know he's not a nice person, I accept that, but I refuse to believe the man I fell in love with was an illusion."
"Narcissa, I..."
"You think I'm crazy?"
"No...well you have had your less lucid moments."
She laughed, "I know. I'm not really in love with him any more, I just wouldn't know what to do without him I guess."
There was a silence while they both absorbed what had just been said, Severus beginning to wonder exactly how stable his old friend truly was before shaking his head and changing the subject, unwilling to continue a fruitless debate about Lucius.
"Where is Draco?"
"Madame Malkins, new robes, he can mange on his own, he needs some new dress robes anyway so he could be a while in there. I wanted to talk to you about him coming to Hogwarts."
"Go ahead."
"Well, I'm sick of watching my son being brainwashed. I don't want him to have people cower away from him when he walks down a street because of who he is. He needs to learn that you cannot create respect from fear. Fearing someone does not make you respect them. I want him to have the freedom and choices that I threw away. I don't want him to be condemned to living his father's life and I certainly don't want to see him turn into a mini Lucius."
"I can understand that but what do you think I can do?"
"Sev, he is finally going to get out. He is going to spend nine months of every year for the next seven years out of his father's reach and I'm hoping that'll be enough. I want him to become his own person. I'm going to miss him like hell, don't get me wrong but while he's at Hogwarts I'm hoping he'll re-think his father's ideas. He's bound to be in Slytherin Sev, and you are their head of house. Could you keep an eye on him for me?"
"Well of course, I keep an eye on all my students."
"You know what I mean, don't pressurize him but let him have a teacher he can look up to and feel he trust. He will respect you, in a way he doesn't me because I'm far too soft with him. He's never going to look up to Dumbledore or McGonagall or Flitwick but you are exactly the kind of person he would respect. I'm just asking you to help him if he needs it, allow him to make his own decisions and if he ever comes to you, don't turn him away because of what I did."
"Narcissa, I would never hold your actions against your son."
"Really? So I take it you won't be holding the actions of James against "Potter Jr." then?" she asked in amusement.
Severus gave her a smile which said that Harry Potter was going to rue the day James Potter had saved Severus Snape's life.
"Well, maybe."
"You're evil Sev." She smiled warmly and a little wistfully at him.
"So are all Slytherins, remember?"
"All too well."
"I'll look after him, but I can't promise miracles Narcissa, if he wants to follow in his father's footsteps there will be nothing I can do."
"Just don't give up on him."
"I won't," he promised.
"Thanks Sev, you're a really good person you know that?"
"I don't exactly have a heart of gold Narcissa."
"I know, that'd be pretty boring anyway, but you do have a good heart Sev, you saw what the right thing was when I couldn't and you did it with no thought to the consequences that you might endure."
"I assure you I did consider the consequences."
"Didn't stop you though did it? I think you're very brave Severus."
"If I were I'd never have been involved with _them_ as long as I was."
"I think you more than made up for that. I have to go, Lucy will wonder where I've got to."
She smiled at him sadly then laughed, "Hey, maybe I married the wrong deatheater?" Severus couldn't help but notice though that her smile didn't reach her eyes.
*******
Narcissa made her way to Ollivander's, where there was a young girl just buying her first wand. She wasn't waiting long before Draco came in carrying several packages.
"Hi Mum, I got the robes and I got some green dress ones as well."
"Oh, that'll look nice dear."
"Can I help you?" Mr Ollivander asked coming over to them, "Ah yes young Mr. Malfoy, I've been expecting you."
Draco went quiet and looked at his mother.
"Narcissa, I remember you buying your first wand, Willow wasn't it? With a phoenix feather core?"
"Yes. That's right."
"And Lucius, wasn't his Yew and unicorn hair?"
"I believe so," Narcissa said dismissively, not in the mood to talk about her husband.
Mr Ollivander seemed to take the hint, turning to Draco and saying, "Now, why don't we see what we can find for you."
They went through at least half a dozen wands until finally Narcissa knew they'd found the one. The expression on her son's face told her he knew it too, even before he waved it producing silver sparks from the end.
"Ebony and Dragon heart string, goes with your name Mr. Malfoy."
Narcissa smiled and paid for the wand.
"How did he know my name was Draco?" he asked as they headed off to meet Lucius.
"Goodness knows, he seems to know all purebloods, half-bloods too for that matter."
"Weird!" Draco was quiet for a minute then said, "Mum?" his tone wheedling.
"What?" Narcissa imitated the tone he'd used with her.
"Don't you think it's time I had a new broom?" he asked smiling sweetly.
"What's the point? You know you can't take it to Hogwarts."
"I could smuggle it in somehow!"
"No you couldn't! Trust me nothing gets past Dumbledore, or Professor Snape for that matter!"
"The head of Slytherin house?"
"Yes, and though he usually goes easy on Slytherins he will not like you bringing illegal objects to school. We'll buy you a new broom next summer I promise."
"Oh, mum!" he groaned.
"I know it seems unfair, but you'll just have to wait, I did, your father did, everyone does! No one is allowed a broom in first year and I'm not about to start helping you break the rules before you even get there!" her tone was stern but then she smiled at him and said, "Don't sulk! I'll take you for an ice cream once we've met your father alright?"
"Ok," he said cheering up a little.
Lucius was standing outside Flourish and Blots holding a cauldron full of books, "Got everything Draco?"
Draco nodded.
"Lucius, I thought Draco and I would go to Florean Fortescues and I wanted to do some more shopping anyway." Narcissa said, realising that it was probably the longest sentence she had said to her husband in several days.
"Right, well I've got work to do, I'll take the stuff back to the Manor. Will you be home for dinner?" Lucius asked disinterestedly.
"Yes." Narcissa handed Lucius their purchases. "See you later."
Lucius merely nodded and disapparated taking the shopping with him.
"Now," Narcissa said turning to her son and smiling again, "Let's get ice cream!"
*******
Narcissa and Draco sat outside Florean Fortescues eating huge sundaes covered in Chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Narcissa had decided to indulge, telling herself that she could burn off the calories with a long afternoon of shopping.
"Mmm, thanks mum!" Draco grinned and his mother smiled back sadly.
"What's wrong, you look so sad, you always look sad, and you and dad hardly speak these days."
Narcissa smiled again, amazed at her son's perceptiveness, "I'm going to miss you."
"Is that all?!" he asked in shocked disbelief.
"Yes. It's a lot to a mother, trust me. I can't believe how grown up you are. It seems like yesterday you were just a baby, Christ that feels like it was just this morning, it feels like yesterday I was in your shoes going off to Hogwarts, meeting Morgana, sorting, graduation, everything. God it feels like a different life, but one that only just ended..." She was no longer really focusing on Draco, becoming absorbed in the past.
"Mum?"
Narcissa looked up at her son with a dazed expression on her pale face, "I'm alright, I'm just remembering. That's all." She smiled reassuringly.
"You looked so upset," Draco said, worried.
"No, not really. I'm ok. It's just, I realised how much of my life has changed since I was your age," she sighed.
"Well," Draco said putting on a mock serious expression in an attempt to cheer his mother up, "That's life."
They both laughed even though it wasn't particularly funny.
"Who's Morgana?" Draco asked curiously.
"My best friend." It was a simple statement but Narcissa still couldn't bring herself to talk about Morgana, or their friendship, in the past tense.
"Have I met her?" he persisted.
"No. She went to live abroad before you were born." **Now, the thousand galleon question, did I lie to protect him from the truth? Or to protect myself from Lucius? Do I believe that my own son would betray me?** Narcissa looked at her son's face for a long moment, studying his eyes, trying to determine how much of Lucius was really under the surface. She drew a blank, her son concealed his emotions too well for even his own mother to break through the shield he had raised and that in itself disturbed her beyond reason, but she wasn't willing to give up on him. **How could I give up on him, he's all I've got left.**
"Draco, I want to talk to you about Hogwarts."
"Ok. But dad already did that." Draco said this as though there was nothing his mother could tell him that his father hadn't.
"Well, I was there more recently than your father, I know things he might have forgotten."
"Ok, tell me about Slytherin."
"Well, we Slytherins, by which I mean your father and myself your house isn't certain yet," Draco snorted but Narcissa continued, "have a reputation for being the bad guys."
"Are Slytherins the bad guys? Dad didn't mention that."
"No, well we don't exactly like that fact. Slytherins are no more good or bad than Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws. There are good and bad people in all of the houses and I want you to remember that."
"OK."
"Slytherins tend to be manipulative and ambitious, they don't let much stand in their way when they want something. I guess that's where the bad reputation comes from. Ambition can make you blinkered. Sometimes all you see is what you want, you don't see what that's doing to the world around you, ambition corrupts people."
"What do you mean?" he asked, clearly not quite understanding.
"Like I said, it's all you can see and suddenly any means seem justified to you, anything can be justified if you try hard enough. But never just accept what people tell you, Slytherins are not bad and you don't have to try to be. It will be difficult at times, believe me I know. I was a Slytherin head girl, the Gryffindors wouldn't do a thing I said and the Hufflepuffs tended to cower into the corner when I entered the room. I had to get Greg, the head boy, to deal with the Gryffindors in the end."
"Didn't the teachers make them listen to you?"
"It isn't just the students who think Slytherins aren't to be trusted, the teachers favour the other houses sometimes pretty blatantly. As for Dumbledore well, I always suspected that he was a Gryffindor himself, so who would you expect him to favour?
"But that's not right!" Draco said indignantly
Narcissa couldn't help but laugh at the child's simplistic views on justice; **maybe I'm not fighting a losing battle after all**, "No. It's not, however it is the way things are. But what I'm trying to tell you is not to live your life fulfilling other people's stereotypes. I don't care what house you are sorted into, because I know something that other people tend to forget, it's not the house you're in or want to be in it's who you are that matters. It's not our qualities that define us but how they are integrated into our personality."
"I think I understand, you're telling me to be me, not who everyone expects me to be."
"Yes."
"Ok," he shrugged, "How hard can that be?"
**If only you knew!**
"Was that all you wanted to tell me?"
"No. I wanted to talk about your teachers."
"Oh, Dad already told me about not listening to Dumbledore and McGonagall and stuff."
**Christ, Lucy, you just couldn't resist could you?!** "What did he tell you about Professor Snape?" she asked curiously.
"Nothing really, just mentioned that he was head of Slytherin house and taught potions."
"Right, well I used to know him pretty well and I trust him, if you ever have any problems I want you to go to him, ok?"
"Ok."
"Good. He's not an easy man to like at times, even if you are a Slytherin, I'm willing to bet that he's a pretty demanding teacher and he certainly doesn't suffer fools gladly, but stay on his good side and he'll fight your corner. He's a good man and he cares about the students, but I doubt he'd ever admit to that."
"He sounds weird."
She smiled, "He can be, but it's good weird, he's a brave man and he was a good friend to me. Don't mention him to your father though, they used to be friends but they had a fight."
"About what?"
"Nothing important but they don't get on anymore. Your father doesn't like being reminded about that, so don't bring it up, ever ok?"
"Alright. Will you really miss me that much?"
"Yes, I will."
"Oh, I told dad I'd miss him and he told me not to be weak."
**God damn you Lucius, what exactly are you trying to do?!** "I don't think that makes you weak, emotions can be used as a weakness but to never let yourself feel them because you're scared that someone might get the better of you, does it sound like that makes you strong?"
"No. I'm going to miss you too."
Narcissa smiled, "I know sweetheart, but you're going to love Hogwarts, everyone does."
"What if I don't make any friends?"
"You will. Anyone who turns down your friendship clearly isn't worth the time of day."
He grinned, an expression she'd always found infectious and ended up returning.
*******
A/N: Ok, explanation of the wands:
Narcissa- Willow and Phoenix feather, the Willow is a symbol of forsaken or betrayed love.
Lucius- Yew and Unicorn hair, Yew trees are poisonous and often associated with death and graveyards where they are often planted.
Draco- Ebony and Dragon heart string, I have to admit the core was just to go with his name and Ebony is a very dark almost black wood which I thought would just be damned cool for him have. So no real reasoning behind his I'm afraid.
How many digs at Harry and Dumbledore can you count in this chapter? I admit there are a lot, particularly that last line of Narcissa's.
I refuse to believe all the Death Eaters came from Slytherin, look at Pettigrew for instance, but there is my explanation of why so many Slytherins turn evil combined with the fact that when everyone expects you to it must be pretty hard to see another way.
Has no one else ever thought it strange that Narcissa should be looking at wands in the first book? Why would she need to do that, the wand chooses the wizard so Draco would have to be there. I found that suspicious so I thought I'd work in my own explanation for it. Also why Draco takes longer in Madame Malkin's than Harry does even though he was there before him, hence the new dress robes.
Oh yeah, I just think Dumby was a Gryffindor and I thought Narcissa would think that because of the way he favors them. But it's not a compliment in my opinion!
Next chapter will be the last, but there's always the sequel. Please review, not many more chances! I love all my reviewers!
I'll update soon.
**Narcissa's Thoughts**
_emphasis_
Wedding Bells Just Turned to Rust
Chapter 18
Narcissa was feeling rather pleased with herself with regards to her victory over Lucius the previous week. However, she knew he was not in a good mood and had therefore been avoiding him more than usual. She was forced to spend time with him eventually however as they needed to get Draco his school things.
"Are you two quite ready?!" Lucius snapped; Narcissa assumed his worse than usual mood was due to the reminder that he had lost the schools argument.
"Yes, we're coming." Narcissa answered him calmly.
They flooed into the Leaky Cauldron and Lucius looked around him disdainfully, "Do you think they ever clean this place?" he asked unpleasantly.
Narcissa decided to regard the question as rhetorical and didn't answer him.
Stepping out into the sunshine of Diagon Alley Narcissa felt her spirits lift, she'd always loved this place, it was one of the few places in her life that had remained a constant and it was comforting to be there.
They strolled leisurely down the busy winding street, or as leisurely as they could with Lucius' impatience, he was not as fond of the sunshine as his wife was.
They walked past the apothecary's and Narcissa glanced in, she had been fascinated with this place ever since she had first been there in her childhood. This time though it was not the ingredients that caught her attention.
Inside the shop was a tall man with shoulder length black hair and black robes with an expression of fascination and calm on his face, which was quite different to his usual scowl, making him look almost handsome. **Hang on a moment did I just think Sev was almost handsome?** She looked at him more critically. The black robes that should have made him look unhealthily pale somehow didn't, they offset his hair perfectly and the look of respect and wonder on his face did indeed make him look handsome. Narcissa smiled as she realised how long it had been since she had seen the man around his beloved potions ingredients.
"Narcissa, did you listen to a word I just said?" Lucius broke in on her thoughts.
**No. Now shut up so I can work out why I suddenly think Severus Snape is attractive!** "I'm sorry I didn't catch that dear." **Suppose I should make an effort for Draco's sake!**
"I said, why don't I get his books, I need to go to Flourish and Blots anyway, and you can take him to Madame Malkin's for his robes, that is more your area of expertise," he sneered at his wife.
**Oh right, God forbid I should understand what's written in those books better than you! Never mind that I've read more of the books in our library than you will in your life. I'll just go back to worrying my pretty little head about whether my robes are up to date with the latest fashions!**
Narcissa cast a longing look at the Apothecary's, "What about getting his potions ingredients?"
"I've already got them at home. Now are you going to take him to get those robes or not?!"
"Of course, we'll see you outside Flourish and Blots once we've got them."
Lucius walked away while Narcissa and Draco headed towards Madame Malkin's when Narcissa had a thought.
"Sweetheart, you don't really need me to come with you do you? You know what you need, Hogwarts robes, hat, winter cloak and pick out some new dress robes."
"Er, ok. Where are you going?" Draco asked, clearly curious.
"Just to look at wands for you, I'll meet you in Ollivanders, alright?"
Draco nodded and headed into the robe store. Narcissa headed back to the apothecary's but when she reached there Severus was nowhere in sight. **Damn it!** Suddenly she heard a voice behind her.
"Hello. Looking for someone?"
**I'd know that voice anywhere!**
"Yes, you," she said turning to face Severus and smiling.
"Oh."
"I'm here with Lucius and Draco, we're getting his school things, he starts at Hogwarts in September."
"I know."
**As monosyllabic as ever!** she thought affectionately, realising how much she'd missed the man in the last five years. "I saw you before, I've been wanting to talk to you."
"About Draco?"
"Yes. I said I was going to look at wands and gave them the slip."
"Why not just say you were going to meet someone else?"
"Lucius wouldn't like that and I don't want to push my luck too far at the moment."
"Why not?"
"Had to pull out all the stops just to prevent him from sending Draco to Durmstrang. He's not in the best mood with me even though I did manage to talk him round, or perhaps because I managed to talk him round."
"Lucius can be quite resolute. I'm impressed that you changed his mind."
"Little bit of Slytherin manipulation and a refusal to back down or let him intimidate me did the trick. What are you doing here anyway?"
"I came to pick up some potions ingredients for next year, besides Potter Jr.'s here to get his school things, Dumbledore thought it would be advisable if a couple of teachers from the school were here just in case."
"What in case someone tried something in the middle of Diagon Alley?!" Narcissa laughed incredulously.
"I believe Dumbledore was more worried that he would be mobbed by admirers but yes there are still dark witches and wizards on the loose, as you well know." Severus shot her a dark look, 'Potter Jr.' appeared to have put him in a bad mood.
"Ouch!" she frowned.
He merely raised an eyebrow.
She decided she'd probably had that coming to her and changed the subject, "So, you're here to protect the boy whose father you hated."
"That's the long and the short of it yes."
"Fun!"
"Not really."
"If they were that worried why didn't they just send a teacher with him?"
"They did, Hagrid," he said as if that one word should explain it all. It did to Narcissa he had been there in her Hogwart's days.
"Oh, well I'm sure he could look after the kid, if he doesn't get drunk and lose him that is." She smirked, but more in affection than disdain as she had rather liked the giant man.
"Precisely my worry, but he made it through the Leaky Cauldron so I think the real danger's past."
The two of them laughed, it was only for a moment but in ten years it was the closest that had got to acting like the friends they had once been.
"What did you want to talk to me about Draco for anyway? Do you want to get a drink or are we ok here?"
"We should be ok, Lucy's in Flourish and Blots with a rather long book list and as it looked like half the world was in there he'll probably be a while."
"Lucy!?"
"Oh, just something I call him as a term of disrespect."
Severus couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Lucius Malfoy being called Lucy. "I hope you don't do that to his face."
"Not usually but I had a near miss once," she laughed.
"Last time we met you told me you still loved him, do you now?"
"Oh, I don't know. No, I don't think so." She paused, "It's just every now and then he'll do something, like take my arm when it's snowing so that I don't fall over, or laugh at my jokes, or escort me into a dinner party looking proud to have me on his arm, and I see the man I fell for and I fall all over again. He's not all bad Sev, I know that there was good in him once and I'm not delusional, I don't think that I can find it or that I can change him. He's not just in need of a bit of love and a push in the right direction. I know he's not a nice person, I accept that, but I refuse to believe the man I fell in love with was an illusion."
"Narcissa, I..."
"You think I'm crazy?"
"No...well you have had your less lucid moments."
She laughed, "I know. I'm not really in love with him any more, I just wouldn't know what to do without him I guess."
There was a silence while they both absorbed what had just been said, Severus beginning to wonder exactly how stable his old friend truly was before shaking his head and changing the subject, unwilling to continue a fruitless debate about Lucius.
"Where is Draco?"
"Madame Malkins, new robes, he can mange on his own, he needs some new dress robes anyway so he could be a while in there. I wanted to talk to you about him coming to Hogwarts."
"Go ahead."
"Well, I'm sick of watching my son being brainwashed. I don't want him to have people cower away from him when he walks down a street because of who he is. He needs to learn that you cannot create respect from fear. Fearing someone does not make you respect them. I want him to have the freedom and choices that I threw away. I don't want him to be condemned to living his father's life and I certainly don't want to see him turn into a mini Lucius."
"I can understand that but what do you think I can do?"
"Sev, he is finally going to get out. He is going to spend nine months of every year for the next seven years out of his father's reach and I'm hoping that'll be enough. I want him to become his own person. I'm going to miss him like hell, don't get me wrong but while he's at Hogwarts I'm hoping he'll re-think his father's ideas. He's bound to be in Slytherin Sev, and you are their head of house. Could you keep an eye on him for me?"
"Well of course, I keep an eye on all my students."
"You know what I mean, don't pressurize him but let him have a teacher he can look up to and feel he trust. He will respect you, in a way he doesn't me because I'm far too soft with him. He's never going to look up to Dumbledore or McGonagall or Flitwick but you are exactly the kind of person he would respect. I'm just asking you to help him if he needs it, allow him to make his own decisions and if he ever comes to you, don't turn him away because of what I did."
"Narcissa, I would never hold your actions against your son."
"Really? So I take it you won't be holding the actions of James against "Potter Jr." then?" she asked in amusement.
Severus gave her a smile which said that Harry Potter was going to rue the day James Potter had saved Severus Snape's life.
"Well, maybe."
"You're evil Sev." She smiled warmly and a little wistfully at him.
"So are all Slytherins, remember?"
"All too well."
"I'll look after him, but I can't promise miracles Narcissa, if he wants to follow in his father's footsteps there will be nothing I can do."
"Just don't give up on him."
"I won't," he promised.
"Thanks Sev, you're a really good person you know that?"
"I don't exactly have a heart of gold Narcissa."
"I know, that'd be pretty boring anyway, but you do have a good heart Sev, you saw what the right thing was when I couldn't and you did it with no thought to the consequences that you might endure."
"I assure you I did consider the consequences."
"Didn't stop you though did it? I think you're very brave Severus."
"If I were I'd never have been involved with _them_ as long as I was."
"I think you more than made up for that. I have to go, Lucy will wonder where I've got to."
She smiled at him sadly then laughed, "Hey, maybe I married the wrong deatheater?" Severus couldn't help but notice though that her smile didn't reach her eyes.
*******
Narcissa made her way to Ollivander's, where there was a young girl just buying her first wand. She wasn't waiting long before Draco came in carrying several packages.
"Hi Mum, I got the robes and I got some green dress ones as well."
"Oh, that'll look nice dear."
"Can I help you?" Mr Ollivander asked coming over to them, "Ah yes young Mr. Malfoy, I've been expecting you."
Draco went quiet and looked at his mother.
"Narcissa, I remember you buying your first wand, Willow wasn't it? With a phoenix feather core?"
"Yes. That's right."
"And Lucius, wasn't his Yew and unicorn hair?"
"I believe so," Narcissa said dismissively, not in the mood to talk about her husband.
Mr Ollivander seemed to take the hint, turning to Draco and saying, "Now, why don't we see what we can find for you."
They went through at least half a dozen wands until finally Narcissa knew they'd found the one. The expression on her son's face told her he knew it too, even before he waved it producing silver sparks from the end.
"Ebony and Dragon heart string, goes with your name Mr. Malfoy."
Narcissa smiled and paid for the wand.
"How did he know my name was Draco?" he asked as they headed off to meet Lucius.
"Goodness knows, he seems to know all purebloods, half-bloods too for that matter."
"Weird!" Draco was quiet for a minute then said, "Mum?" his tone wheedling.
"What?" Narcissa imitated the tone he'd used with her.
"Don't you think it's time I had a new broom?" he asked smiling sweetly.
"What's the point? You know you can't take it to Hogwarts."
"I could smuggle it in somehow!"
"No you couldn't! Trust me nothing gets past Dumbledore, or Professor Snape for that matter!"
"The head of Slytherin house?"
"Yes, and though he usually goes easy on Slytherins he will not like you bringing illegal objects to school. We'll buy you a new broom next summer I promise."
"Oh, mum!" he groaned.
"I know it seems unfair, but you'll just have to wait, I did, your father did, everyone does! No one is allowed a broom in first year and I'm not about to start helping you break the rules before you even get there!" her tone was stern but then she smiled at him and said, "Don't sulk! I'll take you for an ice cream once we've met your father alright?"
"Ok," he said cheering up a little.
Lucius was standing outside Flourish and Blots holding a cauldron full of books, "Got everything Draco?"
Draco nodded.
"Lucius, I thought Draco and I would go to Florean Fortescues and I wanted to do some more shopping anyway." Narcissa said, realising that it was probably the longest sentence she had said to her husband in several days.
"Right, well I've got work to do, I'll take the stuff back to the Manor. Will you be home for dinner?" Lucius asked disinterestedly.
"Yes." Narcissa handed Lucius their purchases. "See you later."
Lucius merely nodded and disapparated taking the shopping with him.
"Now," Narcissa said turning to her son and smiling again, "Let's get ice cream!"
*******
Narcissa and Draco sat outside Florean Fortescues eating huge sundaes covered in Chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Narcissa had decided to indulge, telling herself that she could burn off the calories with a long afternoon of shopping.
"Mmm, thanks mum!" Draco grinned and his mother smiled back sadly.
"What's wrong, you look so sad, you always look sad, and you and dad hardly speak these days."
Narcissa smiled again, amazed at her son's perceptiveness, "I'm going to miss you."
"Is that all?!" he asked in shocked disbelief.
"Yes. It's a lot to a mother, trust me. I can't believe how grown up you are. It seems like yesterday you were just a baby, Christ that feels like it was just this morning, it feels like yesterday I was in your shoes going off to Hogwarts, meeting Morgana, sorting, graduation, everything. God it feels like a different life, but one that only just ended..." She was no longer really focusing on Draco, becoming absorbed in the past.
"Mum?"
Narcissa looked up at her son with a dazed expression on her pale face, "I'm alright, I'm just remembering. That's all." She smiled reassuringly.
"You looked so upset," Draco said, worried.
"No, not really. I'm ok. It's just, I realised how much of my life has changed since I was your age," she sighed.
"Well," Draco said putting on a mock serious expression in an attempt to cheer his mother up, "That's life."
They both laughed even though it wasn't particularly funny.
"Who's Morgana?" Draco asked curiously.
"My best friend." It was a simple statement but Narcissa still couldn't bring herself to talk about Morgana, or their friendship, in the past tense.
"Have I met her?" he persisted.
"No. She went to live abroad before you were born." **Now, the thousand galleon question, did I lie to protect him from the truth? Or to protect myself from Lucius? Do I believe that my own son would betray me?** Narcissa looked at her son's face for a long moment, studying his eyes, trying to determine how much of Lucius was really under the surface. She drew a blank, her son concealed his emotions too well for even his own mother to break through the shield he had raised and that in itself disturbed her beyond reason, but she wasn't willing to give up on him. **How could I give up on him, he's all I've got left.**
"Draco, I want to talk to you about Hogwarts."
"Ok. But dad already did that." Draco said this as though there was nothing his mother could tell him that his father hadn't.
"Well, I was there more recently than your father, I know things he might have forgotten."
"Ok, tell me about Slytherin."
"Well, we Slytherins, by which I mean your father and myself your house isn't certain yet," Draco snorted but Narcissa continued, "have a reputation for being the bad guys."
"Are Slytherins the bad guys? Dad didn't mention that."
"No, well we don't exactly like that fact. Slytherins are no more good or bad than Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws. There are good and bad people in all of the houses and I want you to remember that."
"OK."
"Slytherins tend to be manipulative and ambitious, they don't let much stand in their way when they want something. I guess that's where the bad reputation comes from. Ambition can make you blinkered. Sometimes all you see is what you want, you don't see what that's doing to the world around you, ambition corrupts people."
"What do you mean?" he asked, clearly not quite understanding.
"Like I said, it's all you can see and suddenly any means seem justified to you, anything can be justified if you try hard enough. But never just accept what people tell you, Slytherins are not bad and you don't have to try to be. It will be difficult at times, believe me I know. I was a Slytherin head girl, the Gryffindors wouldn't do a thing I said and the Hufflepuffs tended to cower into the corner when I entered the room. I had to get Greg, the head boy, to deal with the Gryffindors in the end."
"Didn't the teachers make them listen to you?"
"It isn't just the students who think Slytherins aren't to be trusted, the teachers favour the other houses sometimes pretty blatantly. As for Dumbledore well, I always suspected that he was a Gryffindor himself, so who would you expect him to favour?
"But that's not right!" Draco said indignantly
Narcissa couldn't help but laugh at the child's simplistic views on justice; **maybe I'm not fighting a losing battle after all**, "No. It's not, however it is the way things are. But what I'm trying to tell you is not to live your life fulfilling other people's stereotypes. I don't care what house you are sorted into, because I know something that other people tend to forget, it's not the house you're in or want to be in it's who you are that matters. It's not our qualities that define us but how they are integrated into our personality."
"I think I understand, you're telling me to be me, not who everyone expects me to be."
"Yes."
"Ok," he shrugged, "How hard can that be?"
**If only you knew!**
"Was that all you wanted to tell me?"
"No. I wanted to talk about your teachers."
"Oh, Dad already told me about not listening to Dumbledore and McGonagall and stuff."
**Christ, Lucy, you just couldn't resist could you?!** "What did he tell you about Professor Snape?" she asked curiously.
"Nothing really, just mentioned that he was head of Slytherin house and taught potions."
"Right, well I used to know him pretty well and I trust him, if you ever have any problems I want you to go to him, ok?"
"Ok."
"Good. He's not an easy man to like at times, even if you are a Slytherin, I'm willing to bet that he's a pretty demanding teacher and he certainly doesn't suffer fools gladly, but stay on his good side and he'll fight your corner. He's a good man and he cares about the students, but I doubt he'd ever admit to that."
"He sounds weird."
She smiled, "He can be, but it's good weird, he's a brave man and he was a good friend to me. Don't mention him to your father though, they used to be friends but they had a fight."
"About what?"
"Nothing important but they don't get on anymore. Your father doesn't like being reminded about that, so don't bring it up, ever ok?"
"Alright. Will you really miss me that much?"
"Yes, I will."
"Oh, I told dad I'd miss him and he told me not to be weak."
**God damn you Lucius, what exactly are you trying to do?!** "I don't think that makes you weak, emotions can be used as a weakness but to never let yourself feel them because you're scared that someone might get the better of you, does it sound like that makes you strong?"
"No. I'm going to miss you too."
Narcissa smiled, "I know sweetheart, but you're going to love Hogwarts, everyone does."
"What if I don't make any friends?"
"You will. Anyone who turns down your friendship clearly isn't worth the time of day."
He grinned, an expression she'd always found infectious and ended up returning.
*******
A/N: Ok, explanation of the wands:
Narcissa- Willow and Phoenix feather, the Willow is a symbol of forsaken or betrayed love.
Lucius- Yew and Unicorn hair, Yew trees are poisonous and often associated with death and graveyards where they are often planted.
Draco- Ebony and Dragon heart string, I have to admit the core was just to go with his name and Ebony is a very dark almost black wood which I thought would just be damned cool for him have. So no real reasoning behind his I'm afraid.
How many digs at Harry and Dumbledore can you count in this chapter? I admit there are a lot, particularly that last line of Narcissa's.
I refuse to believe all the Death Eaters came from Slytherin, look at Pettigrew for instance, but there is my explanation of why so many Slytherins turn evil combined with the fact that when everyone expects you to it must be pretty hard to see another way.
Has no one else ever thought it strange that Narcissa should be looking at wands in the first book? Why would she need to do that, the wand chooses the wizard so Draco would have to be there. I found that suspicious so I thought I'd work in my own explanation for it. Also why Draco takes longer in Madame Malkin's than Harry does even though he was there before him, hence the new dress robes.
Oh yeah, I just think Dumby was a Gryffindor and I thought Narcissa would think that because of the way he favors them. But it's not a compliment in my opinion!
Next chapter will be the last, but there's always the sequel. Please review, not many more chances! I love all my reviewers!
I'll update soon.