Chapter 22: In which there is a bouquet of romances
The attic of Kaylee's house was dim and filled with shadows. And after Jack turned on the lights and the dimness seemed a little less pronounced, the shadows just got bigger.
"I made somethin' for ya," he said eagerly, beaming at her.
River smiled back at him nervously. She hadn't gotten a present for a very long time, since before the Academy. Sure, Simon had given her things, cloths, paper and pencils, books. They showed love, but a more steadfast, caring, type of love; the type of love that gives you what you need. Not the type of love that spontaneously gives lavish gifts. Not that Jack could give anything lavish, but anything he would give her would definitely not fall under the category of 'necessity.'
"I don't have a gift for you."
"Let me say this first," Jack said. "I got the whole speech planed out. I don't want to mess it up."
"Ok," she said, smiling at him again. He wanted so badly for this to be special for her. He had no idea that just his wanting that was enough for River.
"We ain't known each other long," Jack said. "And a lotta girls would think me real forward. But when I first saw you I, well, I just knew that you were special, you were different."
River had always known that she was special and different. These were not new fact to her. But she also knew that the way Jack meant it was very, very unlike the way her parents, her teachers, even Simon, meant it. She liked Jack's way better. It made her blush.
"I never," he faltered a little. River waited eagerly for him to continue. Eventually, he did, "I never kissed a girl 'till the other night, the night I kissed you. I never wanted to. All the girls, the girls in this town, they're petty and mean and they want to get husbands and have babies and they don't care about adventures and dreams or any of that stuff. But you do. And so, and--and by the way," he quickly interjected as his brown eyes focused very intently on the floorboards at his feet. "I'll understand perfectly if you say no, I mean, I'm not really thinking you'll say yes, but, I gotta ask," he laughed nervously and looked up. "Ya know?"
River didn't know. Her bashful smile slipped into confusion and she shook her head.
"Anyways," he said, clearing his throat. "I wanted to give you this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wooden ring. "I carved it myself," he said, looking at it, seeing all the flaws and none of the prettiness. "Hope it fits."
He thrust it towards her the way a patient expecting a shot gives their arm to a doctor, quickly and with clenched teeth. River, however, did not have the cool detachment of a doctor. The violence of his action made her take a startled step back. And then, as he stood there, wooden ring in hand, heart on a platter, she realized what was going on. Or, at least, started to.
"I can't," she said sadly. "We can't."
"Can't what?" Jack asked, lowering the ring, the pathetic look of a rejected man twisting his youthful face.
"Can't be in love," River said, more firmly. "It's okay if you're in the same place. On the same world, on the same ship. But Serenity leaves and I leave. Doesn't matter whose on this planet. Doesn't matter who I love."
"Well," Jack said, a smile quickly spreading across his face. "Well, I know that. I weren't proposing or anything. This is a promise ring," he said, holding it out to her again, this time with more grace. "It means you'll promise not to forget 'bout me, not so long as you have it."
"Oh," River said, smiling a little and then laughing sheepishly. "I can remember."
"I thought you could," Jack said. "Come on, see if it fits."
River picked up the ring and held it in her delicate fingers. It was very simple, a band made of pine and at the top, where a stone would be in a metal ring, there was pretty daisy. The emerald ring had been a little too large for her ring finger, so Simon had put it on her middle finger, where it fit, if not snugly, and nagged her to be extra careful of it. This ring was too small for her ring finger, and just barely fit on her pinky. "It's beautiful," she said dreamily, admiring her now-much-adorned hand.
"I'm not as good a carver as most," Jack admitted. "There are some boys who can make vines and roses and . . ."
"Daisy is perfect," River asserted. "Innocent," she giggled, "Thoughts of absent friends."
"Still," Jack muttered.
"It's beautiful because you made it," River said. "You made it for me. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
Jack laughed, relieved, "I'm glad you like it. I mean, real glad."
"I wish I had something for you," River said, suddenly feeling inadequate and unworthy. She wanted to run and hide somewhere and cry. He had made her something and she didn't have anything to give him back. It took all her strength of will to remember what Simon had said; if she wanted Jack's attentions, which she did, she would have to deal with these emotions. And she was pretty sure that running and hiding so she could cry would not have been a proper way of dealing.
"Well," Jack explained. "What happens is the boy gives the girl the ring, the promise ring. And I ain't surprised you don't know, 'cause there ain't any boys on your ship, but then the girl gives the boy some of her hair and he ties it up with a string from her dress or a snip of ribbon and he keeps it in his pocket, so he always is thinking of her."
Relief washed over River like a flood. "I have hair," she said, almost laughing. She would gladly have given him all of it, and been bald, if that's what he wanted.
"I know," he replied with a smile.
"How much do you need?" she asked.
"Just a snip," he explained.
"You can have more," River said. "I have a lot of hair."
"But it looks so pretty on you," Jack said. "I couldn't take more than a snip."
River felt herself blush again. She thought it was the best feeling in the world.
* * *
Simon and Kaylee were both shocked by the sudden appearance of a third party. They both quickly sat straighter, and turned to look at the interloper.
"Henderson Ringwood," Kaylee spat angrily as the boy, whose hover boat she adored, sauntered towards them. "What the hell you doin' here"
"I came over ta get my ma," Henderson said. "She came over to cook or sew or something for some party."
"Well, they're all inside," Kaylee said cagily, standing up and climbing off the steps to give Henderson a path. Simon did the same, feeling awkward and a little embarrassed at being caught in such a tender moment by a complete stranger.
"This is Simon, right?" Henderson said, stepping a little closer to the doctor.
"That's my name, yes," Simon said forcefully, drawing Henderson's attention away from Kaylee and back to himself. "And you are?"
"Just an old friend," Henderson shrugged.
"With a hover boat," Simon supplied.
"She told you about me?" Henderson said with a tom-cat's smile.
"Actually, yes," Simon said coldly. "We met, if you'll remember, sort of."
"Yeah, you came ta fetch her from the shed the other day."
"That's right."
The tension between the men was all but crackling. Kaylee cleared her throat. "Henderson, why don't you just go on in and get your ma?"
"It ain't an emergency," the man said. "I can mind my own business."
"Really?" Simon asked pointedly.
"What are you saying?" Henderson demanded.
"Boys, don't," Kaylee said firmly.
"Why don't you keep out of this, Kay?" Henderson barked at her.
"Don't talk to her like that," Simon said, rising his voice to match Henderson's.
Henderson laughed, "I've said things to this girl you ain't never gonna say ta her."
"Stop," Simon warned. "Now."
"You wanna know why she likes that hover boat so much?"
"Stop," Kaylee pleaded.
"Turn and leave," Simon said, his fist balling.
"Or what?" Henderson said, "you gonna do this?"
With a quick movement, Henderson delivered a gut punch that drove Simon to his knees. For a second, the world in font of the doctor swam, and air refused to enter his lungs. It was almost a blessing that he hadn't really eaten anything for three days.
"Simon!" Kaylee screeched, falling to her knees as well. He felt a supporting hand on his back and another brush his cheek. "You all right?" she asked worriedly.
"Fine," he said softly, between clenched teeth.
"Simon," Kaylee said again. Her voice sounded a little scared. He didn't really care. He'd taken a break from caring, at least he'd meant to. Taken a break from being reasonable, from being civilized, from being kind and understanding. He had tried to be all those things for the past few days and all that had happened was hurt upon grief upon pain had been piled on him. This one punch was too much. He wasn't going to stand it, not for another second.
"Apologize," he said, forcing himself to stand without Kaylee's aid, despite his stomach's protest.
"To you?" Henderson laughed.
"To Kaylee," Simon said.
"Why?"
"You were being disrespectful."
"I respect her just fine. I give her all the respect a girl like –" He didn't get to finish the sentence. Simon punched him in the mouth with as much force as he had, throwing not just his arm but also his shoulder and his whole body into it so that he had to stager forward to keep his balance.
Henderson fell down and, for second, the world seemed to stand still. All of Simon's rationality and civility flooded back into him and he forgot any anger he had. "Ow," was all he said, and even that was half hearted and distracted.
"Simon, are you okay?" Kaylee asked, reaching out to him, totally ignoring Henderson out cold on the ground. "That was," she chuckled. "You were amazing."
She reached out and touched him. Simon took a gaspy breath and staggered back, away from her. The world seemed to be spinning too quickly beneath his feet, spiraling out of orbit and careening towards its sun. Kaylee looked out of focus, blurred, her concerned voice seemed to echo in his head until it was barely understandable.
"Kaylee, I . . ." He started, stepping further back, further away. "I didn't . . . and I . . . I have . . . to . . . but I'm . . . I'm sorry."
"Simon?" she said, stepping closer, reaching out towards him.
Simon's gaze shifted to the unconscious body. He was certainly going to fall off of this swiftly tilting world. They all were. He shook his head, "No."
"Maybe I should go get the Cap'n," Kaylee offered. "Or Dr. Michels, or . . . or River . . ."
"No," Simon said, more firmly. "I've gotta go."
"Go where?" Kaylee asked. She was beginning to be frightened.
"I'm not running away," Simon said. "I'll come back but I can't . . . not now."
His chest was heaving; he couldn't seem to get enough oxygen in his lungs. He was crying and he didn't know quite why or how to stop.
"'Kay," Kaylee said, nodding. "Don't go far."
Simon nodded back and then turned and stared walking, very quickly away. Kaylee was plagued by the fear that it would be the last time she'd see him. That he'd go back to his kind godfather or get snatched by someone else who'd seen his warrant and put two and two together or just get really, really lost. "Oh God," she muttered in a heartfelt, if not formal, prayer. "Let him be okay."
The body at her feet groaned.
"I wasn't talkin' 'bout you," she said. Not quite cruel enough to kick a man when he's down, which is not to say the idea didn't cross her mind, she sighed and turned and walked into the warm house to fetch Mrs. Ringwood and Dr. Michels for Henderson.
* * *
There was a great show of Inara leaving. She was very kind to Genie, but cold to the governor and everyone saw him transfer funds into her account for her trip and her shuttle and repeatedly apologize. She was taken by a guard in the governor's personal transport straight to the train station where she was going to travel in a first class private car paid for by the governor with his most profound apologies.
The trip was uneventful, dull even, which meant that Inara had more than enough time to think about all that had just happened.
She found her thoughts drifting to her own family, back on Sihnon. About the way her father beamed when she graduated from the Companion Academy. About the way her mother stared at her when she said she was shipping off with Serenity. About her oldest sister, Rena's, constant waves about her husband and her children and her home. And the second oldest sister, Adeline's, constant waves about her insecurities and her worrying and how desperately she longed to have Inara back.
When 'Sweet Well station, next stop' was announced, Inara's heart soared. She couldn't wait to get off the train and away from all the thoughts that made her somehow, at the same time, homesick and glad that she'd left her home only a year ago. Her family had in no way been her reason for leaving, but neither had they been any incentive to stay.
Without luggage of any kind, Inara felt somewhat naked exiting the train. She felt that she should have had at least a handbag of some sort, but all that had been in her shuttle when it was 'stolen'. Comworth, who was over-generous, had given her a few credit bills for the trip. But her long tan skirt with ruffles from the knee to the hem didn't have pockets, as it would have ruined its simple sheer lines. Neither did her low cut, midnight-blue silk shirt with dark red and green dragons embroidered down the sleeves. So she'd stuffed the bills in her bra clip (a must have for every companion) and she didn't like the idea of pulling it out at the station so she could get a cabby to take her to the Frye's house. Come to think of it, she didn't know how to get to the Frye's house, or their address, or even if Sweet Well was a large enough town to have cabbies.
When she stepped onto the platform of the station, her forehead was creased with worry and her lovely lips were pressed tight as she contemplated what she was going to do next. She hadn't taken three steps and that question was answered.
"Mal!" she said, almost joyously, when she saw the space pirate leaning against the far wall of the station, watching her with a coy smile.
"Good day, Miss," he said, stepping forward and bowing just a little. "What's a fancy lady like you doing in a backwater town like this?"
"Don't let Kaylee hear you call her home backwater," Inara said, gladly accepting the arm he offered her.
"Nah," he said with a shrug. "She'd be the first to admit it was."
"How did you know I was coming?"
"Governor sent Serenity a wave, as well as a couple thousand credits to 'cover expenses' as he said."
"Mal," Inara gasped. "He paid me for the shuttle already. You knew that."
"I know," Mal nodded.
"And you still accepted it?"
"What kind a man you take me for?" Mal asked, his voice high pitched and insulted. "A dishonest thief?"
"Oh," Inara spat. "Where would I get that idea?"
"Eventually, River'll need medicine," Mal insisted passionately. "What we got ain't gonna last forever, and that stuff ain't cheep. And, if or when the time comes for us to part, well, then, I'll have something to give them so that making their own way will be a little easier." Mal explained as they walked out of the station and onto Sweet Well's gray streets. He turned and looked candidly at Inara, "I ain't gonna use that money for wining and dining, or even fueling and maintenance, that's for damn sure. That money's meant for those kids and it's good that they'll have it. I hope that meets with your approval."
"I'm sorry," Inara said. "This whole thing, it just makes me feel rotten inside. I know there is . . . was . . ." she sighed. "Let's talk about something else."
"Fine," Mal clipped. "Something else."
There was a moment of silence.
"Hope you don't mind walkin'," he said abruptly. "The house's only about quarter mile away."
"Oh," Inara said, shivers running through her body. "I wish I'd had the presence of mind to grab a coat before you stole my shuttle."
"Cold?" he asked. "Here." He detangled himself from her so he could slip off his brown Calvary duster and placed it on her shoulders. "Better?"
"Now won't you be cold?" Inara asked, grabbing the lapels of the jacket with either hand and pulling it more tightly around her.
"No, 'cause, you see, women get cold."
"And what do men get?"
He thought for a moment before deciding. "Ruggedly uncomfortable."
"Well, aren't you ruggedly uncomfortable?"
"A little," he admitted. "But it's fine."
"Mal," Inara laughed. "As much as I appreciate the jacket, you didn't have to give it to me. I would have made it the whole quarter mile just fine without."
"You're clearly not understanding the concept," Mal said. "You see, if you were to be cold and I had a jacket, I would be a cad for not havin' given it to you, but seeing as how I did I ain't only a gentleman but . . ."
"But also what?" Inara asked, greatly enjoying the banter.
"Damn manly."
She laughed and rehooked her arm in his. "Oh, Captain," she said with an exaggerated womanly voice. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come to fetch me. Surely wasted away."
It was his turn to laugh. "Glad to be of service, ma'am."
* * *
It was well past dark out. As Kaylee tried to look out the kitchen window, seeing more of her reflection than the outside. She couldn't help but worry that the rain was going to turn into slush and the slush into snow. It wasn't that Kaylee didn't like snow, she would have loved it, but Simon hadn't come back yet, and he hadn't taken a coat, and he hadn't eaten all day, and Kaylee couldn't seem to pull her thoughts away from him.
There hadn't been a proper dinner that night; they had been snacking and munching and otherwise eating through Zoë's shower, so no one was hungry. Had there been a sit-down dinner Kaylee would have had an excuse to brave the cold and the wet to seek Simon out and drag him back into the warm dry house, but as it was she couldn't think of a possible justification, beyond her own worries, to do so, especially considering the doctor probably didn't want to be found.
Kaylee sighed heavily and thought of turning around and trying to join into the party, but she just couldn't pull herself a way from the window.
"Well, mei mei" Inara's said, her voice was sweet and smooth, just like honey, as she came up behind the young mechanic, and her soft hand touched her shoulder affectionately. "What are we dreaming about?"
"Not dreaming," Kaylee said, managing to pry her eyes away from the gray view in front of her to look at her friend.
"You can't help Simon by worrying over him," Inara said with a wise smile.
"Oh," Kaylee said, her shoulders sagging slightly. "Am I really that obvious?"
"Quite transparent," Inara said. "But don't worry; it's endearing."
"He's all alone out there," Kaylee said. "Feelin' miserable and cold."
"He knows how to come in," Inara reminded her. "He knows he can do it any time."
"No, he can't!" River's clear voice said as she bounded down the stairs. She'd been stole away with Jack for nearly two hours, and had finally been sought out by Jack's mother and Captain Reynolds, who both knew enough to know that, after two hours, any efforts for propriety they would be making would most likely be too little to late. Still, too little was better than nothing.
Kaylee and Inara both heard River's exclamation, but ignored it, assuming her comments were not part of their conversation.
"But what if he got lost, or slipped and got hurt, or ran into another bully like Henderson, or another one a the governor's guards."
"He didn't, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't," River said, hurrying over to their conversation, leaving Mal, Jack and his mother, at the foot of the stairs.
"River?" Inara said, smiling at the girl. "I'm glad to see you."
"If you look straight at a supernova you'll go blind," River quickly informed the companion before turning to Kaylee. "He's forgetting. You should remind him."
"River," Kaylee said, shaking her head. "What are you talking about?"
"Simon," River sighed, all but rolling her eyes at her friend's slowness. "You have to remind him."
"Remind him of what?" Inara asked, having finally recovered from River's odd greeting.
"Of him," River said. It was always hard to tell, but Inara was fairly sure she saw sorrow and worry in the girl's brown eyes. "It's hard to remember, sometimes. I know I forget, but he always reminds me."
"You think Simon is forgetting who he is?" Kaylee asked, confused. It was one thing for River, whose brain had been sliced and diced, to suffer temporary bouts of insanity. But Simon was sane almost to a fault. Kaylee couldn't imagine him forgetting his identity any more than she could imagine him forgetting how to walk or speak.
"I know he is," River said, very seriously. "I'd go, but I don't want him thinking he's me."
"I doubt very much Simon would think he's you," Inara told River with the somewhat superior tone of experience.
"He does all the time," River insisted. "When he thinks he's forgetting he thinks of me." Her pretty brow furrowed, "I don't think it's healthy."
Neither Kaylee nor Inara had any idea how to respond to River's diagnoses.
"But," Kaylee finally managed after a moment. "If Simon confuses himself for," she glanced at Inara --who was just as baffled buy the conversation in general as Kaylee was and had nothing to offer-- "For, well, for you, than won't he do the same with me?"
River laughed, just like an adult would laugh at a child's silly question, and shook her head, "No," she said. "He knows exactly what he wants to be when you're around."
"That doesn't mean he knows who he is," Inara observed.
River sighed and tilted her head, like a mother explaining something simple to children who weren't listening, "If horse mates with a donkey what do you get?"
Inara and Kaylee looked at each other uncertainly for a moment. Finally, the companion ventured, "A mule?"
"Exactly!" River said, beaming. Then turning abruptly, she skipped across the room, back towards Jack, leaving Kaylee and Inara to wonder at her comments.
"Maybe I should go look for him," Kaylee said once River was truly gone. Her eyes drifted back to the gray window. "I mean, it's gettin' dark and he might not know his way."
Inara smiled at her wisely, "Go on," she said. "You know you'll want to until you do."
Kaylee smiled back as she stepped away from the window. "Don't wait up."
To be continued . . .