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"speech" 'thoughts'
Despair
Boromir lay silently, he heard the mutterings of Aragorn and that dratted Elf. 'The supposed King of Men is more Elf than Man. How will he ever protect Gondor, if he loves Elves more than Man? He cannot see the good in Men, he is blinded by his heritage.' Thought Boromir as he lay still pretending to sleep. Staring at the starry sky, which seemed to mock him. So bright and pure, even in dark times, never drawn to the seduction of darkness.
Then he noticed Merry rise and leave the party. Aragorn rose to go after him but Boromir quickly got up and signaled to Aragorn to continue his watch. He followed the Hafling a short distance. He stood for a time and watched the Hobbit solemnly regard the great river. Then he broke the silence, "What trouble you little one?"
Merry seemed shocked to see him. "Ah, Boromir, it is only you."
'Yes, it is only me. Just plain Boromir, he will never be as noble or clever as Faramir. He knew everybody, even his father and the people of fair Gondor, saw him as brash bloodthirsty fool.' Boromir quickly drove away these dark thoughts. He answered the young hobbit, "You should not wander alone, little one. It could have been a nasty Orc that caught you unawares."
"You are right, Master Boromir. Yet I felt the need to clear my head. I apologize."
"What thoughts plague you, Master Merry?" Queried Boromir. 'Do you long for it, do you wish to steal it from your little friend and deliver to Sauron himself?' Again Boromir forced himself to abandon these alarming thoughts.
"I worry for Frodo and I worry that Pippin and I are just burdens. I worry that I'll fail my part in the quest."
"Do not worry, little one. Frodo is greatly calmed by the presence of his friends. As for being a burden you hobbits have too fine of hearts to every be burdens." Boromir did not believe all of his words. 'So even little Merry doubts Frodo's strength. Frodo will fail, Sauron would win and Gondor would fall. But if I take it, I can drive Sauron away, and show everyone I deserve the thrown. Not Aragorn, the Elf-loving fool, not clever Faramir, who had father's favor, and not Denethor, who blindly believed in the Ancient Kings. I could save Gondor, and all would love him. All I need is it.' Merry's voice drew him from his thoughts.
"What did you say, little one?" asked Boromir.
"I asked you take me to camp, I feel much comforted by your words." This was not the truth. 'I know I am going to fail the fellowship and Frodo. I failed Pip by letting him come. We are nothing but baggage. I am a disgrace to the name Brandybuck.'
Boromir seemed to read Merry's thoughts. "You are not truly comforted, Master Merry. But believe me if you will, I do see great things for you. Your heart is valiant. Come, let us go back to camp." With these words Merry's heart lightened a degree. Boromir's did not. 'The Hobbits are gentle and good and I hate to see their sorrow. But they are weak. The fate of Middle-Earth belongs elsewhere. The quest would fail. Sauron would succeed. Hobbits were cheerful but weak. This path was folly. Aragorn will forsake Men for the Elves. The Dwarves would hide in their stone halls. Hobbits will fail.' They reached the camp with Boromir still deep in these sinister thoughts.
He moved ungracefully to his bedroll. 'I can prevent this misfortunes. And win the love of Gondor. Just take it. Save Gondor. Stop this doomed quest. Save Gondor. Take it. It cannot reach the Dark Lord. He must have it or his reward would be the anguished screams of his people.'
Aragorn watched Boromir. He could see concern written in his carriage. 'I will speak to Boromir and reassure him of Gondor's future, and my place in it.' However Aragorn could not know that Boromir has fallen head first into a pool of despair and could see no way out, save one. So Aragorn watched the twinkling stars, while his comrade was haunted by the screams of his people.
~End~
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