I lay in bed thinking about that night at the bar. Jimmy was still really
upset about what had happened. I knew he felt that Alex passing was his
fault. Of course it wasn't. Her passing was inevitable. Just as I was
thinking of all this, there was a knock at the front door of my apartment.
Carlos had reached the door before I had, "Jimmy. What are you doing here? It's two in the morning!" he spoke in his usual sarcastic tone.
"C-can I speak to Ty?" his eyes were puffed out and red. He had obviously been crying.
I stepped forward, "Come in Jimmy. What's the matter?" I asked, ushering towards the couch.
"I didn't know who to talk to. I couldn't go to Kim because she's too emotional. You and Alex were so close. I just need someone to talk to," he spoke resting his palms in his face.
"Jimmy, you can always talk to me. Come on, spill it."
"Well, first off, I can't believe I'm talking about this," he paused, sighed and started talking again. "I just feel responsible, you know. Like if I was there, it could have been prevented. I could have moved her away from the car before it exploded."
"Jimmy, you couldn't have. It wasn't your fault; it was no ones. It was time that she got taken away. She's in a better place now," I couldn't believe I was talking like this. It was very unnatural for me to do so.
"I know she's in a better place, but it still feels like it was my fault. I should have been there," he said. He turned and looked in the opposite direction. He didn't want me to see him cry. "I should get going. I have to get ready for tomorrow. Thanks for listening, even thought it was just me whining. I'll see you tomorrow I guess," he then got up and left the room and out the front door of my apartment.
Of course tomorrow was the funeral. The closing of it all. I was scared out of my mind really. I've been to funerals before, my dad's and Bobby's and many cop's but this was different. This was Alex. My ex girlfriend.
I woke up the next morning with a stomach full of butterflies. I never thought this day would arrive. I got out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen for breakfast. What I found surprising was that Carlos was already up and eating. He was never up early. Never.
"Hey," I said, grabbing a box of cereal out of the cupboard.
"Hi," he said not even looking up. "Ready for today?" he asked.
"No, not at all."
"Me neither"
After eating, I headed back to my room to get dressed. I had taken my suit to the dry cleaners a couple days before. I hadn't worn this since Bobby had passed away. When I had finished doing up the last cuff on my jacket, I walked back into the kitchen.
"Carlos, its time to go. Hurry up!" I yelled at him since he wasn't ready yet.
"Okay, okay. I'm coming," he spoke hobbling out of his bedroom, putting on his shoe at the same time. "Let's go."
We drove in my Suburban and went to pick up Jimmy, Kim, and Joey. Each of them were dressed in black suits, and Kim in a dress. Kim was already crying. Jimmy had had his arm around her for comfort. We drove down to the grave yard where the event was taking place.
There were tons of people there from the NYPD and FDNY. She was a well respected person. Even Danny Gamble was there.
The ceremony started five minutes after we got there. It was a beautiful one at that. There were bagpipers playing Amazing Grace. After the ceremony, we all went to the pub to commemorate Alex. We all did a little speech that we each talked to her. By the end, everyone was crying.
It was the hardest day to endure in my life.
Carlos had reached the door before I had, "Jimmy. What are you doing here? It's two in the morning!" he spoke in his usual sarcastic tone.
"C-can I speak to Ty?" his eyes were puffed out and red. He had obviously been crying.
I stepped forward, "Come in Jimmy. What's the matter?" I asked, ushering towards the couch.
"I didn't know who to talk to. I couldn't go to Kim because she's too emotional. You and Alex were so close. I just need someone to talk to," he spoke resting his palms in his face.
"Jimmy, you can always talk to me. Come on, spill it."
"Well, first off, I can't believe I'm talking about this," he paused, sighed and started talking again. "I just feel responsible, you know. Like if I was there, it could have been prevented. I could have moved her away from the car before it exploded."
"Jimmy, you couldn't have. It wasn't your fault; it was no ones. It was time that she got taken away. She's in a better place now," I couldn't believe I was talking like this. It was very unnatural for me to do so.
"I know she's in a better place, but it still feels like it was my fault. I should have been there," he said. He turned and looked in the opposite direction. He didn't want me to see him cry. "I should get going. I have to get ready for tomorrow. Thanks for listening, even thought it was just me whining. I'll see you tomorrow I guess," he then got up and left the room and out the front door of my apartment.
Of course tomorrow was the funeral. The closing of it all. I was scared out of my mind really. I've been to funerals before, my dad's and Bobby's and many cop's but this was different. This was Alex. My ex girlfriend.
I woke up the next morning with a stomach full of butterflies. I never thought this day would arrive. I got out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen for breakfast. What I found surprising was that Carlos was already up and eating. He was never up early. Never.
"Hey," I said, grabbing a box of cereal out of the cupboard.
"Hi," he said not even looking up. "Ready for today?" he asked.
"No, not at all."
"Me neither"
After eating, I headed back to my room to get dressed. I had taken my suit to the dry cleaners a couple days before. I hadn't worn this since Bobby had passed away. When I had finished doing up the last cuff on my jacket, I walked back into the kitchen.
"Carlos, its time to go. Hurry up!" I yelled at him since he wasn't ready yet.
"Okay, okay. I'm coming," he spoke hobbling out of his bedroom, putting on his shoe at the same time. "Let's go."
We drove in my Suburban and went to pick up Jimmy, Kim, and Joey. Each of them were dressed in black suits, and Kim in a dress. Kim was already crying. Jimmy had had his arm around her for comfort. We drove down to the grave yard where the event was taking place.
There were tons of people there from the NYPD and FDNY. She was a well respected person. Even Danny Gamble was there.
The ceremony started five minutes after we got there. It was a beautiful one at that. There were bagpipers playing Amazing Grace. After the ceremony, we all went to the pub to commemorate Alex. We all did a little speech that we each talked to her. By the end, everyone was crying.
It was the hardest day to endure in my life.