Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed, I own nothing except the order in which these words are arranged.

Thanks to Amandak for spotting a typo I missed, and thanks to those who have read and enjoyed my fic.

At Peace Now

By nevermore

I would have done anything for her, I'd have given my life for her. In a way I suppose I did.

Now that I'm free of that life, of everything that dragged me down, I see that it wasn't meant to be. I wasted my life, there was so much that I could have done, but I squandered it trying to win her back, if only I could have seen that I was wasting my time.

I don't blame Paige, not really, I was foolish to think that it was her who had split Phoebe and I up. It was fate. Like she said, we just weren't meant to be.

With all my powers you'd have thought I could have seen that, but I was blinded. No human was ever meant to gain that much power, it was too much. All that power coursing through my body, the mind can only take so much before it burns out. I think mine burnt out a long time ago. I don't know who Phoebe vanquished, but it wasn't me, hadn't been me for a long time.

I love you Phoebe. I hope somewhere deep down inside you know that. You were the one who showed what it was like to be human, you gave me life, and purpose, for a little while anyway.

When the Source consumed me, I called to you for help but you couldn't hear me, I screamed and raged, trapped inside my own body and mind while I watched him try to destroy you and your sisters. I was powerless to stop him. For that I'm sorry, I should have been stronger for you. I should have fought harder.

Now you are free too. Free to live your life without fearing my presence. No more looking over your shoulder watching for me my love. I'm but a bad memory to you now. Perhaps I'll find a way back one day, but not yet, not now. I'm at peace where I am now. I still have much to reflect upon. 100 years of doing evil, how can I redeem that?

My life didn't really begin until we met. I could never forget that day, the day you looked at me and smiled, I think that's when my life began. You looked at me and I was just a man. Not a demon, not the Source's assassin, just a man.

I know I hurt you, and for that I'm truly sorry. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do, please believe that.

I don't blame you for leaving me, we tried so hard for so long, but in the end we had to give up, I had to give up, give you up. It killed me to see you with anyone else, but above all I want you to be happy. That's why if I ever find a way out of this place, wherever it is, you won't need to fear me. I'll leave you in peace.

Goodbye my love, and forgive me.

Yours forever.

Cole.