FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, BOOK 5 IS COMING OUT JUNE 21, 2003...ALSO KNOWN
AS MY BIRTHDAY : ) I CAN'T WAIT!
A/N: Okay, so no one hit the nail on the head, but almost all of you were technically right, the most common answer I got was, "One of the Weasley's or Hermione." And I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get any weird ideas, so I stuck with my original plan. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, it didn't come out exactly the way I wanted it to, but I'm generally happy with it...There are more tears, but I think they were pretty necessary this time! Enjoy!
Katie: You appear to have left me...where have you been? I miss your reviews! I think this is the third chapter straight you haven't reviewed, do you no longer like this story, or are you just too busy??? If you don't review soon, I'm going to start thinking you've died, and that's not good!
Ella: You've reviewed just in time, I was about to post and then yahoo zoomed me an update! I agree, it was definitely time to retire the squirrels, but maybe they'll make a reappearance in the distant future....Thanks for the review!
Wonder: Thanks for the review...you and so many others make me feel so good I can't even explain! : ) I think everyone who's a fan of the Potter books is a fan of Sirius, I haven't met one person who said otherwise...even a little girl I babysit told me her favorite characters were Sirius Black and Professor Lupin...I was like, "Me too!!!" Anyways, keep reading and reviewing, and I'll keep writing!
Fairy Tale: I bow before you! LOL, just kidding, but it's great to get a review back from the person who's story I have reviewed more than any others! Lets see, where to begin...I did indeed like your review, I opened my email update of it and was like "Wow! That's the longest review I've ever gotten!" So thanks! I've been trying to write this story so that its not predictable, I HATE predictable stories SO much...It's good to know you don't think that I overdo the tears, but I really think I do, I recently went back and read the story from start to finish and realized just how much there are...but its an emotional time for them, and even though there guys they need to get it off their chests too, right? And about the hair thing, I like to keep a little humor on top of all the drama, but you seem to be the only one who caught the hair thing...at least no one else mentioned, but that's probably because of the evil way I ended that chapter...You're right, cliffhangers are SO fun, I love to read people's reactions to them...one person called me a beast! I couldn't believe it! I did know who I was going to have killed, but if someone had an interesting enough guess, I could have changed it...nothing in my story is set in stone, but I have general ideas...if I ever write another fic, I'll probably plan it out A LOT better than this one, I'm totally winging this story, and I imagine eventually it's going to start to suck, but hopefully I'll be able to keep it going...Now, you didn't catch it either (nobody did) but I said that Sirius was upset not for himself, but for the pain he knew it would put Harry though, but everyone thought that it was someone who Sirius and Remus knew really well, so they couldn't imagine who it would be. I don't think I'll ever get the there's down...I know which one goes where, but when it comes to writing I just pick one and write it...I get low grades on essays for this precise reason...I can never pick them out in my writing, but they stand out so well in other people's writing...* sigh * I am working on it though, I always proof read once, but I don't catch all that much....As to Dumbledore calling Sirius, Mr. Black, I do it for two reasons...1) Dumbledore often refers to people like that, 2) I'm trying to put in a tenseness between Sirius and Dumbledore, you'll see it more in this chapter, I tried to just have him call Sirius, Sirius once, but it didn't sound right...he'll call Remus, Remus because he knows him better...does that make sense? There is a method to my madness...I assure you! I hope you like this chapter! Keep reading and reviewing!
Aeryn Alexander: I'm glad you liked my story, but what in the world did you mean about me having Remus and you having three Snapes? I really had no idea what you were talking about...do I want to?
SillyKitty: LOL, none of those listed are dead...but I can't assure you that they won't die eventually, I'll tell you this though, one will definitely survive...I would never kill off ALL of Harry's friends!
Smith: I'm glad I have some Americans giving me some support here...just cause I say sweater and don't ever use the word knickers doesn't mean that this story can't work, right? Thanks for the review!
Star Chaser: I'm glad you like the story, keep reading and I'll keep writing!
Slytherin Seeker: Another person who will sit and read an entire fic in one day...I can't tell you how many countless hours I have spent doing just that...I'm glad you like mine!
Kanzer: Well, no you will no who died, I hope you don't hate me for who it is, but this is the way I wanted it...hint (not that you need it now, but you asked for it) red hair...most people guessed that anyways!
AprilSkrutin: Now, I tried to make this clear, but a lot of people didn't get it, Sirius and Remus weren't really upset for them, they just knew it would be really hard on Harry, and didn't want to have to be the ones to put him through the pain...I guess I didn't write that part too well...and you were sorta right, but not specific enough...like most of the reviewers!
Sirius Black: Yep, Sirius hasn't died...yet...lol just kidding. Anyway, hope you like this next chapter, keep the reviews coming!
Ron's girl: Evil...me? How dare you! Just kidding, I know that was pretty evil, but I was trying to see if I could get the reviewers to interact more, it didn't really work, but it was fun to do that to you all anyways ; )
Harry-luver: I post as much as I can, as soon as I can...stuff just always gets in the way! You know how it is I'm sure!
Rachel: Demanding, aren't you? I love when people get into my story like you, it's so funny to see people getting "nervous" over something I wrote, to me its nothing great, but to some reviewers, you really get into it...I love hearing it!
Tiger Lily: Yup that was an evil cliffie, and highly intentional too...If I could every chapter would end with one, but that's a bit to action packed for me. Your guess was wrong, but pretty good...There was just no way I could put that much more guilt on Harry's shoulders.
PhoenixFeather: Don't panic! I have updated : ) I'm so happy you like my story so much...but there was no way I could sacrifice my school work more than I already have...the reason I've been so busy lately was because I had to miss school for ski meets...boy am I sore...I also have dance lessons and work, and I just can't get out of it! But, no matter how busy I get, I promise to never let my faithful reviewers wait for too long!
Kat: Sirius was the only one crying, and it wasn't for him....I tried to explain this, but a lot of people didn't catch it, they were both upset for what they knew it would put Harry through, they were feeling the pain they knew he'd be feeling...sorry if I threw you off there. And trust me...I've hurried!
FirePixie28: Thanks for the review, I love when people tell me the stories great, I tend to think you're insane but thanks!
QuidditchFan: Thanks for the review, I'll update as often as possible as soon as possible!
A.Dee: You were right....and I made that cliffhanger just to be as evil as possible...I wanted to see what people would say...it wasn't written that well, though was it?
Kimmy: Yay, you're back, you like to take little breaks there don't you? Sorry...you're not wrong, but I'll let you read which one it was...it was my personal favorite Weasley, but I thought it would be good for the story.
Starlette: I was trying to be cruel with the cliffie, but I really thought I should at least warn you that I wouldn't be able to update soon...I actually thought it would take longer than it has, but I managed to spit it out quickly...I must say I agree with the comment, "Voldemort is whacked." He is indeed very much whacked : ) And I'm with you on the parents yelling thing...mine are telling me to go do stuff right now, but am I? No...Keep reading and reviewing!
Moonlight: Yeah, it was a cruel cliffy, sorry...I just had to do it! It is one of those you guessed, hope you don't hate me for who it is!
Slytherin Dark Lord: Thanks for the review...ikkle Ronnikens is not dead, but you'll see later what his deal is...I will say no more, just read!
Sirius the homicidal maniac: I don't like your name, but that was a nice review! I know what you mean about Dumbledore, some people just don't have him the way he's supposed to be and it's just annoying...I was laughing so hard when I first read the end of that review...I assure you, I will try to get freedom so I can freely do the free activites I freely enjoy doing freely! That made no sense, I think you're better at that than me!
John: Sorry, not Colin Creevy...I actually forgot about him...it is someone close to Harry, but I'm going to let you find out for yourself who...Hope you like it!
Ann: Thanks for the review : )
Kateydidn't: Demanding aren't you? I really enjoy doing that, I think it makes people all the more excited when the next chapter comes out!
Silver Moon: You were sorta right, but not specific enough, don't worry, you're not alone! Now, Sirius wasn't crying over the death really, although you'll see it was a little...he was mostly crying for Harry's sake, if it had been someone really close to Sirius, he would have been bawling, due to the way I portray him...
Anonymous: I can't believe you called me a beast! I've never been called a beast before in my life! But I guess I kinda was after that cliffie huh?
Carolyn: I know, I know it was very mean, but I HAD to do it...I couldn't resist!
Surferchickity15: Yep it was mean...but how could you hate me? Nobody can hate me!
Elizabeth Bathory: I kind of agree about Sorai, but I'm going to keep her around. I really do have a plan for her, but I do hate writing her now...I always have to explain what she's doing now, and that's really annoying...but she'll be pretty important later on. And no, I'm not bringing anyone back from the dead...I personally hate stories that do that, with a few exceptions...so that's not happening
Kellie: Sorry, your guesses are wrong. Please don't go mad, I would feel terribly guilty, and then be thrown into a fit of depression, where I become obsessed with the wall paper, (I just read a story where this happened, and your review sparked it)...I'll keep updating as often as possible, so don't worry and please stay sane!
Siriusrngrfan: Thanks for the email, I almost forgot to add you! Don't ya just hate when fanfition.net is acting up? It drives me insane, and it always seems to malfunction right when I'm ready to update! You're guess is sort of right, but not completely, so....sorry! I'm happy you like my story, keep reading and reviewing!
~~~~~ "Molly Weasley," Sirius mumbled, bracing himself for a variety of reactions from Harry. He knew that Harry had been close to Molly, the Weasley's were his second family, just like James once considered Sirius's family his own. Because of this, Sirius was unsure of how Harry was going to behave, but he soon found out.
Harry just continued to stare at Sirius, it was like what he said didn't sink in at all, but Sirius knew it had. Harry had tensed considerably after hearing the name, but he didn't say a word.
Sirius stroked Harry's hair, concerned. "Harry, did you hear me?"
Harry nodded solemnly, his eyes still staring sharply at Sirius, who was getting slightly freaked out by this reaction. He had expected tears, maybe anger, but this just didn't make any sense. "Harry, are you okay?"
Again, Harry just nodded, but this time he broke the ominous stare and looked down at his hands. "You sure?"
"Yeah," Harry muttered almost inaudibly.
"Okay," Sirius said skeptically, "Why don't you try to go back to sleep, Harry, you look like you could use it."
Harry again nodded, but showed no sign that he was going to do it. Sirius pulled a blanket high up over him and walked back to Remus, Sorai, and Dumbledore.
"Why didn't you tell him?" Remus asked sharply.
Sirius shook his head, "I did."
"What?! But, he doesn't even look upset."
"Yeah, but I think he is, I really have no explanation for it, but I can tell he's hurting."
"The boy has been through a lot. He's dealing with this in the only way he can, you must be patient with him, give him time. I'm sure eventually he will come to grieve, and then he will get over it," Dumbledore said wisely.
Remus and Sirius nodded in understanding. "Lets say we leave Harry to rest and get some breakfast?" Remus said. Sorai and Dumbledore agreed, but Sirius refused.
"I'm going to stay here in case he needs someone to talk too, I can't leave him now."
Dumbledore shook his head, "I think it best that he be left alone for some time, Sirius."
Sirius shook his head firmly, "No, there is no way I'm going to leave him now. He's hurting and I know it! If he doesn't want to tell me anything, he doesn't have to, but I'm going to be here in case he does."
Remus saw that Sirius was getting annoyed with Dumbledore, something he had always done since they were in school, so he decided to end the matter himself. "Fine, Sirius, you stay, we'll bring you and Harry back some food, okay?"
Sirius nodded and Dumbledore shook his head, neither said anything though. Satisfied, Remus started out of the hospital wing and hoped the rest were following him. When he got outside, he waited for the others to exit the room and then shut the door. Dumbledore was still shaking his head. Remus spoke up again, "He's stubborn Dumbledore, and there's no way even you could have gotten him to leave Harry's side. He was ready to pick a fight with you, I saw it coming."
"Yes well, I believe he is doing the wrong thing in there...He's going to smother the poor boy."
"Maybe, but from what I've seen so far, all Harry ever really needs is Sirius...he always finds a way to make Harry feel better."
Dumbledore just shook his head and set off towards the stairs.
Back in the hospital wing, Harry was pretending to sleep. Sirius was sitting next to him, stroking his hair back. Harry didn't know what to think about Mrs. Weasley's death, and thus didn't really want to talk about, not even to Sirius. After the third task, Harry felt really cared about because Mrs. Weasley had been there for him. She was the first person to feel like family to him, to treat him like he mattered. He was going to miss her a lot, and wished he could have said goodbye and thanked her for all she had done for him. But it was too late for that. Mrs. Weasley was gone now, he couldn't say anything to her ever again. He could never again be given such a motherly hug like the one she had given him the previous year again.
Rather than continuing to think of himself, Harry thought of how the rest of the Weasley's were doing. He pictured every last one of them bawling their eyes out over the news, and literally felt their pain. He envisioned Ron sitting alone tears running freely. Ginny trying to find comfort wherever she could get it, and having trouble with that as her mother was the one she always turned to. Poor Ginny, the last female left in the family. Harry also pictured Percy trying to look dignified despite his grief, and failing miserably. Bill and Charlie, he didn't know well enough to think about, but knew they'd be having a very hard time as well. Mrs. Weasley was the glue that held the family together. And Mr. Weasley, Harry pictured him not grieving, but angry. Harry had never seen Mr. Weasley angry but could easily picture it. Mr. Weasley just seemed the type who would want to seek revenge. Harry could only pray that he wouldn't try.
All these visions swirled in Harry's mind until they all blurred together. A tear leaked out of Harry's forced shut eyelids and slowly trailed down his face. Sirius saw it, but pretended he didn't. He wanted Harry to talk to him only when he was ready. Sirius kept stroking Harry's hair gently, and watched his facial expressions change. Harry went from looking peacefully asleep to like he had just eaten a vinegar flavored Bertie Bott Every Flavor Bean. His lips trembled and his whole body shook, but Harry never once opened his eyes, still trying to convince Sirius he was asleep.
Harry continued his unconvincing act for another few minutes, his face twitching in and out of his sour face. Sirius desperately wanted to do something to help Harry, to take him out of his pain, but knew that what he was doing right then was the best thing he could do for the boy. All of a sudden, however, Harry seemed to snap. His eyes popped open and he threw himself at Sirius and buried his head in Sirius's shoulder, sobbing. Sirius was shocked for a moment, but then wrapped his arms tightly around Harry while he cried.
"It's not fair! Why'd she have to die? She was such a good person, she didn't deserve that! What's going to happen, now? How-how are Ron and the others going to deal with this? Why Sirius? Why'd it have to happen?"
Sirius rubbed Harry's back in soft circles and whispered, "I don't know Harry. She was a good person, you're right. She was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Harry, things will get better, trust me...I've been through this before. Yes, the Weasley's are entering a very hard time, but eventually they'll make it out okay, they still have each other, which is more than some people get. Molly will be missed terribly, but life will go on, it has to."
Harry nodded violently and just continued to sob. Sirius knew that nothing else he said would make a difference to Harry, so he continued to rub Harry's back and simply be there for him.
After nearly fifteen minutes of crying, Harry took a deep breath and tried to regain his composure. He was quiet for a bit, with the occasional sniffle. He then pulled away from Sirius, who helped him ease back onto his pillows. "You going to be okay Harry?" Sirius asked quietly.
Harry nodded. They sat in silence for a few minutes more until Harry asked, "Is there going to be a funeral?"
"Yeah, the day after tomorrow, we're all going to go. Did I ever tell you that Remus and I used to know her well?"
Harry shook his head curiously.
"Well, during our final year at Hogwarts, she actually taught us. She was the Charms professor before Flitwick. She only stayed on one year though, as she was pregnant with her first son after that. A shame really, she was a great teacher. I expect she would have returned to teaching after the others grew up...I guess we'll never know." Sirius realized soon, that that probably wasn't the smartest thing to say, and he quickly covered with what he hoped would be a funny story, "So this one time, we were having Charms with the Slytherin's, and your father and I decided to play an itsy bitsy prank on Snape. Well, we ended up first levitating his quill, so that he would have to go after it. Then we put the old dancing charm on him, so he was doing ballet as he went after his quill...it was the funniest thing....He ended up right in the front of the room doing those spinny things and prancing up and down...he finally did this swan like jump and caught the quill, before landing very...er...gracefully. Anyway, after he sat back down Molly said, 'Why thank you Mr. Snape, honestly that was better than Swan Lake!' I think she meant it seriously, but it really just topped off the prank...she was great."
Harry smiled sadly through the whole story, not so much at the joke on Snape part, but more at hearing how great Mrs. Weasley was, to everyone. "I'm going to miss her a lot...she was like...the mother I never had."
Sirius nodded sadly, and went back to stroking Harry's hair. "You'll always miss her, that'll never go away...but eventually, her memory will make you happy, rather than sad."
Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "I know I've lost a lot of people in my life...my parents, and then Cedric died because of me...but never did I really have to deal with somebody dying who I really loved...I mean, I didn't have to deal with my parents deaths, and I barely knew Diggory, but I think I loved Mrs. Weasley, she always made me feel special...not just cause I'm The Boy Who Lived, but because I'm...me. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, Harry it makes perfect sense."
"I just can't believe she's gone," Harry muttered, shaking his head sadly.
"I know, Harry, I know," Sirius replied, resting his chin atop Harry's head, "Why don't you get some rest now, Harry...For real this time."
Harry nodded and sank back onto the bed, sighing. "It'll get better Harry, the pain will go away...eventually."
"I hope so," Harry replied in a trembling voice. He then let out a very shaky breath.
Sirius looked intently at Harry, "Are you going to be okay? You're not going to try to hide it again are you?"
Harry shook his head, "I think we both saw that that just doesn't work."
Sirius nodded in agreement and watched Harry slowly drift into sleep. He kissed his sleeping godson gently on the forehead and then stood up to look out the window. It was a beautiful summer day, the opposite of the mood that had settled within the confines of the hospital wing. "Maybe later I'll take Harry out there...might cheer him," Sirius mumbled to himself.
"That sounds like an excellent idea Mr. Black." Sirius whipped around to see Dumbledore standing in the center of the room. "Has he woken?"
"He was never really asleep. He broke down, but he's doing better I think."
"Very good...Earlier Remus told me you were the only one who could really help Harry, whenever he needed it...would you say this is true?"
Sirius was slightly taken off guard by this question. "I don't know, I think I do help Harry a lot, he's always needed a parental figure...the Dursley's never gave him that...and I think he really trusts me...but I don't think I can always help him...no. There are times when I feel like there's nothing I can do for him...I hate those times."
Dumbledore nodded, "I think you're wrong about that Mr. Black. From what I've seen you have already helped the boy immensely. Never have I seen him look happier than when he's around you, and I've known him for five years now. I think you're good for him, and vice versa...which is why I'm warning you to be careful."
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, bewildered.
"Mr. Black, everyday that boy grows closer and closer to you, and he's growing up in a time where no one is safe. Last night, he really broke down completely when I so much as told him you fought a brave battle. Indeed, that shows that he cares very strongly for you, and he fears losing you. I ask that you do everything in your power to keep yourself safe. Just as you would try to keep him from harm, keep yourself from harm. I'd hate to see what the consequences of him losing you would be...try not to let it happen, that's all I ask."
Sirius was thoroughly touched. Harry had already told him that he had gotten upset when Dumbledore had spoken of the battle, but it meant so much more hearing how much he cared from Dumbledore. "I'll try," Sirius said grinning.
"Very well, I suggest you do find something to do later to take his mind off the death, the last thing he needs is to sit in this dank room all day, he needs some sunlight and fun."
"Okay, Dumbledore...where are Remus and Sorai?"
"Outside I believe. I have brought up some food for you, and some for Harry for when he wakes. I shall be in my office if you need anything."
Sirius nodded and sat against the window. He soon fell asleep in a very uncomfortable position, his forehead pressed firmly against the glass.
About two hours later, Harry woke up to find Sirius no where in sight. He climbed out of bed carefully, as he was still week, and walked towards the center of the room. He found Sirius dead asleep leaning against a large window. He carefully walked over to him and sat down. Usually, Harry wouldn't have woken him, but he looked incredibly uncomfortable. First Harry tried to yell to wake him up, when that didn't work, he shook Sirius gently. That didn't work either, so he shook Sirius hard.
This didn't exactly have the result Harry had hoped for. He succeeded in waking Sirius up, but only because he knocked him to the floor. After Harry shook Sirius's shoulder, he slid right off the window sill and landed face first on the floor.
"What the Hell?!" Sirius groaned and looked up at Harry who was grinning sheepishly.
"Er...sorry about that." Harry said, reaching a hand down to try to help him up. Sirius grabbed it and deliberately pulled Harry down on the floor next to him.
"Hey! What was that for?" Harry yelled, laughing.
"This," Sirius said and then started tickling Harry fervently.
"STOP! STOP!" Harry yelled, before punching Sirius hard, but jokingly in the arm. Sirius stopped for a moment, but dove back in to get him for another few seconds, before stopping for good.
"So Harry, you up for a trip outside?" Sirius asked.
Harry shrugged, "Sure."
"Great," Sirius replied before getting to his feet, then bending down to help pull Harry up. They slowly set out of the room and down many flights of stairs, taking it slowly, step by step.
Half way down the stairs, Harry asked, "How are you doing...this whole thing must be bringing back a lot of memories, just like when we found Sorai...are you okay?"
Sirius grinned at Harry's perceptiveness. He had indeed been feeling low again do to the fact that history was beginning to repeat itself, and it had reminded him of all the bad things that had happened when he was young, but he was doing better than when he had found Sorai, and told Harry that. "You're right Harry, it did bring back a lot of memories, but...I guess I got it all out of my system the other day...thanks to you and Remus. I know it probably didn't seem like you did much, but you helped me immensely Harry."
Harry grinned sheepishly as he stumbled down the stairs. He hit a trick stair and nearly went flying face first down the stairs, but luckily he was caught by Sirius. J
"Whoa there...you okay, bud?" Sirius asked, trying to pull Harry into a standing position, his legs were a twisted mess. "Here, sit down on this step."
Harry obeyed and Sirius helped him pull his legs back around straight and then pulled him up again. "Do you want to continue?"
Harry nodded and Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders to keep him steady as he walked. They turned a corner and heard a sarcastic voice, "Well, well, well. Isn't this...touching."
"Snape," Sirius growled and Harry tensed.
"Black...so you managed to convince the ministry that you were innocent...you'll never fool me, however, I still know you're a filthy, murdering liar, I've known it since that little incident fifth year."
Sirius sighed deeply, wondering why he always had to put up with this, "Snape, give it a rest, okay? I've apologized for that, it was a long time ago, why can't you just let it go?"
"I could have died Black! You have no regard for other peoples lives, I should have let you die on those steps, but I have enough decency to try to help people live!"
"Yeah, just like you helped all those people when you were a deatheater...how many innocent people did you kill again Snapey? Something like 22 wasn't it"
Snape growled and stepped closer to Sirius, Harry quickly placed himself directly in front of Sirius, knowing Snape wouldn't hurt him, but unsure of what he might do to Sirius.
"Get out of the way Potter, this is between Black and I."
"Snape, there is nothing between us, I'm taking Harry outside to get some air, please just leave us alone."
"I'll leave you alone to grieve for you precious Weasley!" he said venomously, spitting out the name, "But don't think this is over Black, its just beginning."
With that he swept away and strode up the stairs.
Sirius made a hissing laugh and turned to Harry, "Don't think this is over Black...give me a break!"
Harry laughed sadly and Sirius looked down concerned, "What's up Harry?"
"Nothing new, just a reminder of Mrs. Weasley...that's all."
Sirius wrapped his arm back around Harry and helped him down the stairs, saying, "Snape's a jerk for doing that, he brought it up just to get you upset...he should go rot in Hell!"
"As long as you don't put him there," Harry said quietly.
Sirius stopped walking and looked at him confused. "You think I'd kill someone Harry? I thought I proved to you that I wasn't like that...the only person I would ever kill is Wormtail, that and Deatheaters who are trying to kill me but that's self-defense...I can't believe you think I'd do that," Sirius said rather dejectedly and slackened his arm.
Harry regretted saying that immediately. "Sirius, that's not what I meant...I just know that you hate Snape, I hate him too...the only person you seem to hate as much as Snape is Wormtail, you get the same kind of scary look on your face when you're near Snape as you did when you were around Wormtail, and I knew you'd kill him in a heartbeat, I guess it just scared me that's all...but don't get me wrong, Sirius, I don't think you're a killer! I know you're not...I know you wouldn't just kill anyone who made you mad, sorry it came across that way."
Sirius still looked skeptical, but put on a happy face anyway, and squeezed Harry closer to him. They were outside soon, and had a great time, all tension and sadness seemed to have dissipated completely. Remus and Sorai even came out to join them, and they played a mini game of quidditch. They returned to the Lupin Loft later that night, and Remus hurriedly made to rather boring rooms, saying that Harry and Sorai could each decorate them however they wanted. Harry's room was squeezed right between Remus and Sirius's and he was very happy about this, especially since it meant he was right across from the bathroom. Sorai's room was on the other side of Sirius, farther down the hall. The rest of the day was rather subdued, as was the next, though it was clear Harry was getting antsy. He needed to see Ron and the Weasley's before he could even begin to get over the pain.
When it was finally time to go to the funeral, which would be held at a small church in the middle of nowhere, somewhere close to the Burrow, Harry looked deeply distressed. Whenever he spoke, his voice sounded panicked and tight, and he was shaking no matter how hard he tried not to.
Before they left, Sirius took Harry aside and had a little talk with him. "Harry, you need to stop acting like this."
"Acting like what, Sirius?"
"Harry you're shaking, and you sound like you're about to scream. You need to let out what's bothering you, or there is no way you're going to make it through the day. I know its going to be hard, I've been through it many times, but you need to be strong, strong for Ron and the rest of his family okay? You need to be there for them."
Harry nodded frantically, but showed no sign of doing what Sirius had suggested. Sirius grabbed Harry's shoulder and shook him gently. "Let it out Harry, before we go, let it all out, you need to."
Harry bit his lip hard, scrunched up his face, and then came the waterworks. "Why? Why did this have to happen? I just don't understand...why does this ALWAYS have to happen?"
"Why does what happen? Why do people die?" Sirius asked confused.
Harry shook his head violently, "No, why do people have to die like that? She didn't deserve to die...Ron and the others didn't deserve to lose their mother. It's not fair!"
Sirius squeezed Harry's shoulder, "I know its not fair, but that's Voldemort...he's always been one to kill needlessly, kill people randomly."
"Was it my fault Sirius, was it because she was nice to me...because she cared about me?" Harry sobbed.
Sirius was shocked at this question, it must have been eating at Harry since he found out. "No, Harry, this was not your fault at all! I told you before, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, it has nothing, do you hear me, nothing to do with you...don't ever think that Harry."
"Yeah, but it's just...everything seems to be my fault...everything! I mean...it's my fault he's back in the first place! It's all my fault!"
"No, Harry, it's not your fault...none of this shit is! I can't believe you're blaming yourself for all that's wrong in this world today."
Harry shook his head, clearly not believing a word Sirius was saying.
Sirius put a hand on either side of Harry's face and held it so Harry couldn't look away. "Listen to me Harry, this is NOT your fault. Everything you've ever done in your life was for the better, you always did what was right! Understand me? You've done nothing wrong, there's nothing you can POSSIBLY be blamed for! All of this is Voldemort's fault, not yours, why don't you believe that?"
Harry sucked in a deep breath, "Sirius...it is my fault, maybe I've always done the right thing, but that doesn't mean I did the smartest thing. If I had just let you kill Wormtail, Voldemort wouldn't be back right now! Mrs. Weasley wouldn't have been killed..."
"I wouldn't be free," Sirius interrupted. "Harry, I know you think you made the wrong choice, but you didn't, you're decision gave me the justice I deserved, as well as Wormtail what he deserved. For that, you did the right thing. Voldemort would have found a way back without Wormtail if he had to, and this would still happen. There's absolutely nothing you or I can do about it! You can't blame yourself!"
"But I do," Harry said so sadly and earnestly that it nearly broke Sirius's heart.
"I wish I could make you believe otherwise," Sirius muttered quietly as he pulled Harry into a tight hug and slowly rocked him back and forth as he cried.
It took a while, but Harry finally calmed down, he went to wash his face and then met Sirius and Remus in the living room to leave for the funeral. It was like the simple face wash had changed Harry's spirits completely. He was no longer terribly sad and depressed, but simply serious. He looked ready to greet whatever could possibly get in his way that day. This worried Sirius. It was never good for anyone to change emotions that quickly. He was bottling again. Sirius sighed, but decided to ignore it, it was probably best for the day anyway, but he intended to some day get all of it out of Harry, he just wasn't sure how he was going to go about doing it.
Sirius stepped up to Harry and said, "Are you ready Harry?"
"Yeah," Harry said evenly.
"Are you sure you're okay Harry?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry."
"Okay, lets go," Sirius said, gesturing towards the door.
"Wait," Harry said. "Isn't Sorai coming?"
"No, she never really knew Molly at all, she didn't think it would be appropriate."
"Oh," Harry replied, disappointed. He was really looking forward to getting to know her better, curious if she could tell him more about his mother than Sirius and Remus could.
"It's time to go now," Remus said and headed for the door. The others followed, and they went to the jeep and did pretty much the same thing they had done after Sirius's trial. When they arrived, they found the small church overrun with many witches and wizards Harry had never seen before in his life. He spotted someone he knew in seconds, however.
"Hermione!" he called when he saw her standing alone in a corner of the room. He walked away from Sirius and Remus and started walking towards her.
She looked up sadly and smiled when she saw who it was. She walked over and gave Harry a tight hug.
"How are you Harry?"
"I'm okay, considering. I was pretty bad for a while, but I've really improved...I just can't believe...this...happened."
"Yeah, me neither. Have you seen Ron yet?" she asked, biting her lip.
"No, I just got here...have you?"
"Not yet, in fact I haven't seen any of the Weasley's yet. I'm actually dreading it, aren't you?"
"A little, but Ron's going to need us."
Hermione nodded.
"Lets say we go find him," Harry said.
"Sure," Hermione said apprehensively, and they started walking through the church. They found Ron sitting completely alone in a pew at the front of the church. There were no tears in his eyes, but the sadness and anger they carried showed exactly how much pain he was in.
"Ron," Hermione began, once they had made eye contact. "I'm so sorry, Ron." She said, reaching forth and pulling him into a painfully tight hug. Ron made no movement whatsoever, just sat ramrod straight. He barely acknowledged the fact that he had been hugged at all. Hermione sat beside him and let Harry step forward.
"I'm so sorry Ron," Harry said, sitting on his other side. Ron slowly looked at him, and then turned back to staring into the nothingness ahead. Harry didn't know what to think. He leaned back in his seat and looked at Hermione, who stared right back at him, concerned. They exchanged a glance that said only one thing, "This doesn't look good."
So Ron's having a few problems, obviously, lets see if Harry can help him through them! I'll try to update soon, but I have midterms next week, and my weekend will probably (hopefully) be pretty eventful...I'm hoping to go dancing, yeah! Anyways, please review cause I just LOVE reading them, almost as much as I love writing this story, and they truly do inspire me to update sooner!
A/N: Okay, so no one hit the nail on the head, but almost all of you were technically right, the most common answer I got was, "One of the Weasley's or Hermione." And I was kind of disappointed that I didn't get any weird ideas, so I stuck with my original plan. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, it didn't come out exactly the way I wanted it to, but I'm generally happy with it...There are more tears, but I think they were pretty necessary this time! Enjoy!
Katie: You appear to have left me...where have you been? I miss your reviews! I think this is the third chapter straight you haven't reviewed, do you no longer like this story, or are you just too busy??? If you don't review soon, I'm going to start thinking you've died, and that's not good!
Ella: You've reviewed just in time, I was about to post and then yahoo zoomed me an update! I agree, it was definitely time to retire the squirrels, but maybe they'll make a reappearance in the distant future....Thanks for the review!
Wonder: Thanks for the review...you and so many others make me feel so good I can't even explain! : ) I think everyone who's a fan of the Potter books is a fan of Sirius, I haven't met one person who said otherwise...even a little girl I babysit told me her favorite characters were Sirius Black and Professor Lupin...I was like, "Me too!!!" Anyways, keep reading and reviewing, and I'll keep writing!
Fairy Tale: I bow before you! LOL, just kidding, but it's great to get a review back from the person who's story I have reviewed more than any others! Lets see, where to begin...I did indeed like your review, I opened my email update of it and was like "Wow! That's the longest review I've ever gotten!" So thanks! I've been trying to write this story so that its not predictable, I HATE predictable stories SO much...It's good to know you don't think that I overdo the tears, but I really think I do, I recently went back and read the story from start to finish and realized just how much there are...but its an emotional time for them, and even though there guys they need to get it off their chests too, right? And about the hair thing, I like to keep a little humor on top of all the drama, but you seem to be the only one who caught the hair thing...at least no one else mentioned, but that's probably because of the evil way I ended that chapter...You're right, cliffhangers are SO fun, I love to read people's reactions to them...one person called me a beast! I couldn't believe it! I did know who I was going to have killed, but if someone had an interesting enough guess, I could have changed it...nothing in my story is set in stone, but I have general ideas...if I ever write another fic, I'll probably plan it out A LOT better than this one, I'm totally winging this story, and I imagine eventually it's going to start to suck, but hopefully I'll be able to keep it going...Now, you didn't catch it either (nobody did) but I said that Sirius was upset not for himself, but for the pain he knew it would put Harry though, but everyone thought that it was someone who Sirius and Remus knew really well, so they couldn't imagine who it would be. I don't think I'll ever get the there's down...I know which one goes where, but when it comes to writing I just pick one and write it...I get low grades on essays for this precise reason...I can never pick them out in my writing, but they stand out so well in other people's writing...* sigh * I am working on it though, I always proof read once, but I don't catch all that much....As to Dumbledore calling Sirius, Mr. Black, I do it for two reasons...1) Dumbledore often refers to people like that, 2) I'm trying to put in a tenseness between Sirius and Dumbledore, you'll see it more in this chapter, I tried to just have him call Sirius, Sirius once, but it didn't sound right...he'll call Remus, Remus because he knows him better...does that make sense? There is a method to my madness...I assure you! I hope you like this chapter! Keep reading and reviewing!
Aeryn Alexander: I'm glad you liked my story, but what in the world did you mean about me having Remus and you having three Snapes? I really had no idea what you were talking about...do I want to?
SillyKitty: LOL, none of those listed are dead...but I can't assure you that they won't die eventually, I'll tell you this though, one will definitely survive...I would never kill off ALL of Harry's friends!
Smith: I'm glad I have some Americans giving me some support here...just cause I say sweater and don't ever use the word knickers doesn't mean that this story can't work, right? Thanks for the review!
Star Chaser: I'm glad you like the story, keep reading and I'll keep writing!
Slytherin Seeker: Another person who will sit and read an entire fic in one day...I can't tell you how many countless hours I have spent doing just that...I'm glad you like mine!
Kanzer: Well, no you will no who died, I hope you don't hate me for who it is, but this is the way I wanted it...hint (not that you need it now, but you asked for it) red hair...most people guessed that anyways!
AprilSkrutin: Now, I tried to make this clear, but a lot of people didn't get it, Sirius and Remus weren't really upset for them, they just knew it would be really hard on Harry, and didn't want to have to be the ones to put him through the pain...I guess I didn't write that part too well...and you were sorta right, but not specific enough...like most of the reviewers!
Sirius Black: Yep, Sirius hasn't died...yet...lol just kidding. Anyway, hope you like this next chapter, keep the reviews coming!
Ron's girl: Evil...me? How dare you! Just kidding, I know that was pretty evil, but I was trying to see if I could get the reviewers to interact more, it didn't really work, but it was fun to do that to you all anyways ; )
Harry-luver: I post as much as I can, as soon as I can...stuff just always gets in the way! You know how it is I'm sure!
Rachel: Demanding, aren't you? I love when people get into my story like you, it's so funny to see people getting "nervous" over something I wrote, to me its nothing great, but to some reviewers, you really get into it...I love hearing it!
Tiger Lily: Yup that was an evil cliffie, and highly intentional too...If I could every chapter would end with one, but that's a bit to action packed for me. Your guess was wrong, but pretty good...There was just no way I could put that much more guilt on Harry's shoulders.
PhoenixFeather: Don't panic! I have updated : ) I'm so happy you like my story so much...but there was no way I could sacrifice my school work more than I already have...the reason I've been so busy lately was because I had to miss school for ski meets...boy am I sore...I also have dance lessons and work, and I just can't get out of it! But, no matter how busy I get, I promise to never let my faithful reviewers wait for too long!
Kat: Sirius was the only one crying, and it wasn't for him....I tried to explain this, but a lot of people didn't catch it, they were both upset for what they knew it would put Harry through, they were feeling the pain they knew he'd be feeling...sorry if I threw you off there. And trust me...I've hurried!
FirePixie28: Thanks for the review, I love when people tell me the stories great, I tend to think you're insane but thanks!
QuidditchFan: Thanks for the review, I'll update as often as possible as soon as possible!
A.Dee: You were right....and I made that cliffhanger just to be as evil as possible...I wanted to see what people would say...it wasn't written that well, though was it?
Kimmy: Yay, you're back, you like to take little breaks there don't you? Sorry...you're not wrong, but I'll let you read which one it was...it was my personal favorite Weasley, but I thought it would be good for the story.
Starlette: I was trying to be cruel with the cliffie, but I really thought I should at least warn you that I wouldn't be able to update soon...I actually thought it would take longer than it has, but I managed to spit it out quickly...I must say I agree with the comment, "Voldemort is whacked." He is indeed very much whacked : ) And I'm with you on the parents yelling thing...mine are telling me to go do stuff right now, but am I? No...Keep reading and reviewing!
Moonlight: Yeah, it was a cruel cliffy, sorry...I just had to do it! It is one of those you guessed, hope you don't hate me for who it is!
Slytherin Dark Lord: Thanks for the review...ikkle Ronnikens is not dead, but you'll see later what his deal is...I will say no more, just read!
Sirius the homicidal maniac: I don't like your name, but that was a nice review! I know what you mean about Dumbledore, some people just don't have him the way he's supposed to be and it's just annoying...I was laughing so hard when I first read the end of that review...I assure you, I will try to get freedom so I can freely do the free activites I freely enjoy doing freely! That made no sense, I think you're better at that than me!
John: Sorry, not Colin Creevy...I actually forgot about him...it is someone close to Harry, but I'm going to let you find out for yourself who...Hope you like it!
Ann: Thanks for the review : )
Kateydidn't: Demanding aren't you? I really enjoy doing that, I think it makes people all the more excited when the next chapter comes out!
Silver Moon: You were sorta right, but not specific enough, don't worry, you're not alone! Now, Sirius wasn't crying over the death really, although you'll see it was a little...he was mostly crying for Harry's sake, if it had been someone really close to Sirius, he would have been bawling, due to the way I portray him...
Anonymous: I can't believe you called me a beast! I've never been called a beast before in my life! But I guess I kinda was after that cliffie huh?
Carolyn: I know, I know it was very mean, but I HAD to do it...I couldn't resist!
Surferchickity15: Yep it was mean...but how could you hate me? Nobody can hate me!
Elizabeth Bathory: I kind of agree about Sorai, but I'm going to keep her around. I really do have a plan for her, but I do hate writing her now...I always have to explain what she's doing now, and that's really annoying...but she'll be pretty important later on. And no, I'm not bringing anyone back from the dead...I personally hate stories that do that, with a few exceptions...so that's not happening
Kellie: Sorry, your guesses are wrong. Please don't go mad, I would feel terribly guilty, and then be thrown into a fit of depression, where I become obsessed with the wall paper, (I just read a story where this happened, and your review sparked it)...I'll keep updating as often as possible, so don't worry and please stay sane!
Siriusrngrfan: Thanks for the email, I almost forgot to add you! Don't ya just hate when fanfition.net is acting up? It drives me insane, and it always seems to malfunction right when I'm ready to update! You're guess is sort of right, but not completely, so....sorry! I'm happy you like my story, keep reading and reviewing!
~~~~~ "Molly Weasley," Sirius mumbled, bracing himself for a variety of reactions from Harry. He knew that Harry had been close to Molly, the Weasley's were his second family, just like James once considered Sirius's family his own. Because of this, Sirius was unsure of how Harry was going to behave, but he soon found out.
Harry just continued to stare at Sirius, it was like what he said didn't sink in at all, but Sirius knew it had. Harry had tensed considerably after hearing the name, but he didn't say a word.
Sirius stroked Harry's hair, concerned. "Harry, did you hear me?"
Harry nodded solemnly, his eyes still staring sharply at Sirius, who was getting slightly freaked out by this reaction. He had expected tears, maybe anger, but this just didn't make any sense. "Harry, are you okay?"
Again, Harry just nodded, but this time he broke the ominous stare and looked down at his hands. "You sure?"
"Yeah," Harry muttered almost inaudibly.
"Okay," Sirius said skeptically, "Why don't you try to go back to sleep, Harry, you look like you could use it."
Harry again nodded, but showed no sign that he was going to do it. Sirius pulled a blanket high up over him and walked back to Remus, Sorai, and Dumbledore.
"Why didn't you tell him?" Remus asked sharply.
Sirius shook his head, "I did."
"What?! But, he doesn't even look upset."
"Yeah, but I think he is, I really have no explanation for it, but I can tell he's hurting."
"The boy has been through a lot. He's dealing with this in the only way he can, you must be patient with him, give him time. I'm sure eventually he will come to grieve, and then he will get over it," Dumbledore said wisely.
Remus and Sirius nodded in understanding. "Lets say we leave Harry to rest and get some breakfast?" Remus said. Sorai and Dumbledore agreed, but Sirius refused.
"I'm going to stay here in case he needs someone to talk too, I can't leave him now."
Dumbledore shook his head, "I think it best that he be left alone for some time, Sirius."
Sirius shook his head firmly, "No, there is no way I'm going to leave him now. He's hurting and I know it! If he doesn't want to tell me anything, he doesn't have to, but I'm going to be here in case he does."
Remus saw that Sirius was getting annoyed with Dumbledore, something he had always done since they were in school, so he decided to end the matter himself. "Fine, Sirius, you stay, we'll bring you and Harry back some food, okay?"
Sirius nodded and Dumbledore shook his head, neither said anything though. Satisfied, Remus started out of the hospital wing and hoped the rest were following him. When he got outside, he waited for the others to exit the room and then shut the door. Dumbledore was still shaking his head. Remus spoke up again, "He's stubborn Dumbledore, and there's no way even you could have gotten him to leave Harry's side. He was ready to pick a fight with you, I saw it coming."
"Yes well, I believe he is doing the wrong thing in there...He's going to smother the poor boy."
"Maybe, but from what I've seen so far, all Harry ever really needs is Sirius...he always finds a way to make Harry feel better."
Dumbledore just shook his head and set off towards the stairs.
Back in the hospital wing, Harry was pretending to sleep. Sirius was sitting next to him, stroking his hair back. Harry didn't know what to think about Mrs. Weasley's death, and thus didn't really want to talk about, not even to Sirius. After the third task, Harry felt really cared about because Mrs. Weasley had been there for him. She was the first person to feel like family to him, to treat him like he mattered. He was going to miss her a lot, and wished he could have said goodbye and thanked her for all she had done for him. But it was too late for that. Mrs. Weasley was gone now, he couldn't say anything to her ever again. He could never again be given such a motherly hug like the one she had given him the previous year again.
Rather than continuing to think of himself, Harry thought of how the rest of the Weasley's were doing. He pictured every last one of them bawling their eyes out over the news, and literally felt their pain. He envisioned Ron sitting alone tears running freely. Ginny trying to find comfort wherever she could get it, and having trouble with that as her mother was the one she always turned to. Poor Ginny, the last female left in the family. Harry also pictured Percy trying to look dignified despite his grief, and failing miserably. Bill and Charlie, he didn't know well enough to think about, but knew they'd be having a very hard time as well. Mrs. Weasley was the glue that held the family together. And Mr. Weasley, Harry pictured him not grieving, but angry. Harry had never seen Mr. Weasley angry but could easily picture it. Mr. Weasley just seemed the type who would want to seek revenge. Harry could only pray that he wouldn't try.
All these visions swirled in Harry's mind until they all blurred together. A tear leaked out of Harry's forced shut eyelids and slowly trailed down his face. Sirius saw it, but pretended he didn't. He wanted Harry to talk to him only when he was ready. Sirius kept stroking Harry's hair gently, and watched his facial expressions change. Harry went from looking peacefully asleep to like he had just eaten a vinegar flavored Bertie Bott Every Flavor Bean. His lips trembled and his whole body shook, but Harry never once opened his eyes, still trying to convince Sirius he was asleep.
Harry continued his unconvincing act for another few minutes, his face twitching in and out of his sour face. Sirius desperately wanted to do something to help Harry, to take him out of his pain, but knew that what he was doing right then was the best thing he could do for the boy. All of a sudden, however, Harry seemed to snap. His eyes popped open and he threw himself at Sirius and buried his head in Sirius's shoulder, sobbing. Sirius was shocked for a moment, but then wrapped his arms tightly around Harry while he cried.
"It's not fair! Why'd she have to die? She was such a good person, she didn't deserve that! What's going to happen, now? How-how are Ron and the others going to deal with this? Why Sirius? Why'd it have to happen?"
Sirius rubbed Harry's back in soft circles and whispered, "I don't know Harry. She was a good person, you're right. She was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Harry, things will get better, trust me...I've been through this before. Yes, the Weasley's are entering a very hard time, but eventually they'll make it out okay, they still have each other, which is more than some people get. Molly will be missed terribly, but life will go on, it has to."
Harry nodded violently and just continued to sob. Sirius knew that nothing else he said would make a difference to Harry, so he continued to rub Harry's back and simply be there for him.
After nearly fifteen minutes of crying, Harry took a deep breath and tried to regain his composure. He was quiet for a bit, with the occasional sniffle. He then pulled away from Sirius, who helped him ease back onto his pillows. "You going to be okay Harry?" Sirius asked quietly.
Harry nodded. They sat in silence for a few minutes more until Harry asked, "Is there going to be a funeral?"
"Yeah, the day after tomorrow, we're all going to go. Did I ever tell you that Remus and I used to know her well?"
Harry shook his head curiously.
"Well, during our final year at Hogwarts, she actually taught us. She was the Charms professor before Flitwick. She only stayed on one year though, as she was pregnant with her first son after that. A shame really, she was a great teacher. I expect she would have returned to teaching after the others grew up...I guess we'll never know." Sirius realized soon, that that probably wasn't the smartest thing to say, and he quickly covered with what he hoped would be a funny story, "So this one time, we were having Charms with the Slytherin's, and your father and I decided to play an itsy bitsy prank on Snape. Well, we ended up first levitating his quill, so that he would have to go after it. Then we put the old dancing charm on him, so he was doing ballet as he went after his quill...it was the funniest thing....He ended up right in the front of the room doing those spinny things and prancing up and down...he finally did this swan like jump and caught the quill, before landing very...er...gracefully. Anyway, after he sat back down Molly said, 'Why thank you Mr. Snape, honestly that was better than Swan Lake!' I think she meant it seriously, but it really just topped off the prank...she was great."
Harry smiled sadly through the whole story, not so much at the joke on Snape part, but more at hearing how great Mrs. Weasley was, to everyone. "I'm going to miss her a lot...she was like...the mother I never had."
Sirius nodded sadly, and went back to stroking Harry's hair. "You'll always miss her, that'll never go away...but eventually, her memory will make you happy, rather than sad."
Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "I know I've lost a lot of people in my life...my parents, and then Cedric died because of me...but never did I really have to deal with somebody dying who I really loved...I mean, I didn't have to deal with my parents deaths, and I barely knew Diggory, but I think I loved Mrs. Weasley, she always made me feel special...not just cause I'm The Boy Who Lived, but because I'm...me. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, Harry it makes perfect sense."
"I just can't believe she's gone," Harry muttered, shaking his head sadly.
"I know, Harry, I know," Sirius replied, resting his chin atop Harry's head, "Why don't you get some rest now, Harry...For real this time."
Harry nodded and sank back onto the bed, sighing. "It'll get better Harry, the pain will go away...eventually."
"I hope so," Harry replied in a trembling voice. He then let out a very shaky breath.
Sirius looked intently at Harry, "Are you going to be okay? You're not going to try to hide it again are you?"
Harry shook his head, "I think we both saw that that just doesn't work."
Sirius nodded in agreement and watched Harry slowly drift into sleep. He kissed his sleeping godson gently on the forehead and then stood up to look out the window. It was a beautiful summer day, the opposite of the mood that had settled within the confines of the hospital wing. "Maybe later I'll take Harry out there...might cheer him," Sirius mumbled to himself.
"That sounds like an excellent idea Mr. Black." Sirius whipped around to see Dumbledore standing in the center of the room. "Has he woken?"
"He was never really asleep. He broke down, but he's doing better I think."
"Very good...Earlier Remus told me you were the only one who could really help Harry, whenever he needed it...would you say this is true?"
Sirius was slightly taken off guard by this question. "I don't know, I think I do help Harry a lot, he's always needed a parental figure...the Dursley's never gave him that...and I think he really trusts me...but I don't think I can always help him...no. There are times when I feel like there's nothing I can do for him...I hate those times."
Dumbledore nodded, "I think you're wrong about that Mr. Black. From what I've seen you have already helped the boy immensely. Never have I seen him look happier than when he's around you, and I've known him for five years now. I think you're good for him, and vice versa...which is why I'm warning you to be careful."
"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, bewildered.
"Mr. Black, everyday that boy grows closer and closer to you, and he's growing up in a time where no one is safe. Last night, he really broke down completely when I so much as told him you fought a brave battle. Indeed, that shows that he cares very strongly for you, and he fears losing you. I ask that you do everything in your power to keep yourself safe. Just as you would try to keep him from harm, keep yourself from harm. I'd hate to see what the consequences of him losing you would be...try not to let it happen, that's all I ask."
Sirius was thoroughly touched. Harry had already told him that he had gotten upset when Dumbledore had spoken of the battle, but it meant so much more hearing how much he cared from Dumbledore. "I'll try," Sirius said grinning.
"Very well, I suggest you do find something to do later to take his mind off the death, the last thing he needs is to sit in this dank room all day, he needs some sunlight and fun."
"Okay, Dumbledore...where are Remus and Sorai?"
"Outside I believe. I have brought up some food for you, and some for Harry for when he wakes. I shall be in my office if you need anything."
Sirius nodded and sat against the window. He soon fell asleep in a very uncomfortable position, his forehead pressed firmly against the glass.
About two hours later, Harry woke up to find Sirius no where in sight. He climbed out of bed carefully, as he was still week, and walked towards the center of the room. He found Sirius dead asleep leaning against a large window. He carefully walked over to him and sat down. Usually, Harry wouldn't have woken him, but he looked incredibly uncomfortable. First Harry tried to yell to wake him up, when that didn't work, he shook Sirius gently. That didn't work either, so he shook Sirius hard.
This didn't exactly have the result Harry had hoped for. He succeeded in waking Sirius up, but only because he knocked him to the floor. After Harry shook Sirius's shoulder, he slid right off the window sill and landed face first on the floor.
"What the Hell?!" Sirius groaned and looked up at Harry who was grinning sheepishly.
"Er...sorry about that." Harry said, reaching a hand down to try to help him up. Sirius grabbed it and deliberately pulled Harry down on the floor next to him.
"Hey! What was that for?" Harry yelled, laughing.
"This," Sirius said and then started tickling Harry fervently.
"STOP! STOP!" Harry yelled, before punching Sirius hard, but jokingly in the arm. Sirius stopped for a moment, but dove back in to get him for another few seconds, before stopping for good.
"So Harry, you up for a trip outside?" Sirius asked.
Harry shrugged, "Sure."
"Great," Sirius replied before getting to his feet, then bending down to help pull Harry up. They slowly set out of the room and down many flights of stairs, taking it slowly, step by step.
Half way down the stairs, Harry asked, "How are you doing...this whole thing must be bringing back a lot of memories, just like when we found Sorai...are you okay?"
Sirius grinned at Harry's perceptiveness. He had indeed been feeling low again do to the fact that history was beginning to repeat itself, and it had reminded him of all the bad things that had happened when he was young, but he was doing better than when he had found Sorai, and told Harry that. "You're right Harry, it did bring back a lot of memories, but...I guess I got it all out of my system the other day...thanks to you and Remus. I know it probably didn't seem like you did much, but you helped me immensely Harry."
Harry grinned sheepishly as he stumbled down the stairs. He hit a trick stair and nearly went flying face first down the stairs, but luckily he was caught by Sirius. J
"Whoa there...you okay, bud?" Sirius asked, trying to pull Harry into a standing position, his legs were a twisted mess. "Here, sit down on this step."
Harry obeyed and Sirius helped him pull his legs back around straight and then pulled him up again. "Do you want to continue?"
Harry nodded and Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders to keep him steady as he walked. They turned a corner and heard a sarcastic voice, "Well, well, well. Isn't this...touching."
"Snape," Sirius growled and Harry tensed.
"Black...so you managed to convince the ministry that you were innocent...you'll never fool me, however, I still know you're a filthy, murdering liar, I've known it since that little incident fifth year."
Sirius sighed deeply, wondering why he always had to put up with this, "Snape, give it a rest, okay? I've apologized for that, it was a long time ago, why can't you just let it go?"
"I could have died Black! You have no regard for other peoples lives, I should have let you die on those steps, but I have enough decency to try to help people live!"
"Yeah, just like you helped all those people when you were a deatheater...how many innocent people did you kill again Snapey? Something like 22 wasn't it"
Snape growled and stepped closer to Sirius, Harry quickly placed himself directly in front of Sirius, knowing Snape wouldn't hurt him, but unsure of what he might do to Sirius.
"Get out of the way Potter, this is between Black and I."
"Snape, there is nothing between us, I'm taking Harry outside to get some air, please just leave us alone."
"I'll leave you alone to grieve for you precious Weasley!" he said venomously, spitting out the name, "But don't think this is over Black, its just beginning."
With that he swept away and strode up the stairs.
Sirius made a hissing laugh and turned to Harry, "Don't think this is over Black...give me a break!"
Harry laughed sadly and Sirius looked down concerned, "What's up Harry?"
"Nothing new, just a reminder of Mrs. Weasley...that's all."
Sirius wrapped his arm back around Harry and helped him down the stairs, saying, "Snape's a jerk for doing that, he brought it up just to get you upset...he should go rot in Hell!"
"As long as you don't put him there," Harry said quietly.
Sirius stopped walking and looked at him confused. "You think I'd kill someone Harry? I thought I proved to you that I wasn't like that...the only person I would ever kill is Wormtail, that and Deatheaters who are trying to kill me but that's self-defense...I can't believe you think I'd do that," Sirius said rather dejectedly and slackened his arm.
Harry regretted saying that immediately. "Sirius, that's not what I meant...I just know that you hate Snape, I hate him too...the only person you seem to hate as much as Snape is Wormtail, you get the same kind of scary look on your face when you're near Snape as you did when you were around Wormtail, and I knew you'd kill him in a heartbeat, I guess it just scared me that's all...but don't get me wrong, Sirius, I don't think you're a killer! I know you're not...I know you wouldn't just kill anyone who made you mad, sorry it came across that way."
Sirius still looked skeptical, but put on a happy face anyway, and squeezed Harry closer to him. They were outside soon, and had a great time, all tension and sadness seemed to have dissipated completely. Remus and Sorai even came out to join them, and they played a mini game of quidditch. They returned to the Lupin Loft later that night, and Remus hurriedly made to rather boring rooms, saying that Harry and Sorai could each decorate them however they wanted. Harry's room was squeezed right between Remus and Sirius's and he was very happy about this, especially since it meant he was right across from the bathroom. Sorai's room was on the other side of Sirius, farther down the hall. The rest of the day was rather subdued, as was the next, though it was clear Harry was getting antsy. He needed to see Ron and the Weasley's before he could even begin to get over the pain.
When it was finally time to go to the funeral, which would be held at a small church in the middle of nowhere, somewhere close to the Burrow, Harry looked deeply distressed. Whenever he spoke, his voice sounded panicked and tight, and he was shaking no matter how hard he tried not to.
Before they left, Sirius took Harry aside and had a little talk with him. "Harry, you need to stop acting like this."
"Acting like what, Sirius?"
"Harry you're shaking, and you sound like you're about to scream. You need to let out what's bothering you, or there is no way you're going to make it through the day. I know its going to be hard, I've been through it many times, but you need to be strong, strong for Ron and the rest of his family okay? You need to be there for them."
Harry nodded frantically, but showed no sign of doing what Sirius had suggested. Sirius grabbed Harry's shoulder and shook him gently. "Let it out Harry, before we go, let it all out, you need to."
Harry bit his lip hard, scrunched up his face, and then came the waterworks. "Why? Why did this have to happen? I just don't understand...why does this ALWAYS have to happen?"
"Why does what happen? Why do people die?" Sirius asked confused.
Harry shook his head violently, "No, why do people have to die like that? She didn't deserve to die...Ron and the others didn't deserve to lose their mother. It's not fair!"
Sirius squeezed Harry's shoulder, "I know its not fair, but that's Voldemort...he's always been one to kill needlessly, kill people randomly."
"Was it my fault Sirius, was it because she was nice to me...because she cared about me?" Harry sobbed.
Sirius was shocked at this question, it must have been eating at Harry since he found out. "No, Harry, this was not your fault at all! I told you before, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, it has nothing, do you hear me, nothing to do with you...don't ever think that Harry."
"Yeah, but it's just...everything seems to be my fault...everything! I mean...it's my fault he's back in the first place! It's all my fault!"
"No, Harry, it's not your fault...none of this shit is! I can't believe you're blaming yourself for all that's wrong in this world today."
Harry shook his head, clearly not believing a word Sirius was saying.
Sirius put a hand on either side of Harry's face and held it so Harry couldn't look away. "Listen to me Harry, this is NOT your fault. Everything you've ever done in your life was for the better, you always did what was right! Understand me? You've done nothing wrong, there's nothing you can POSSIBLY be blamed for! All of this is Voldemort's fault, not yours, why don't you believe that?"
Harry sucked in a deep breath, "Sirius...it is my fault, maybe I've always done the right thing, but that doesn't mean I did the smartest thing. If I had just let you kill Wormtail, Voldemort wouldn't be back right now! Mrs. Weasley wouldn't have been killed..."
"I wouldn't be free," Sirius interrupted. "Harry, I know you think you made the wrong choice, but you didn't, you're decision gave me the justice I deserved, as well as Wormtail what he deserved. For that, you did the right thing. Voldemort would have found a way back without Wormtail if he had to, and this would still happen. There's absolutely nothing you or I can do about it! You can't blame yourself!"
"But I do," Harry said so sadly and earnestly that it nearly broke Sirius's heart.
"I wish I could make you believe otherwise," Sirius muttered quietly as he pulled Harry into a tight hug and slowly rocked him back and forth as he cried.
It took a while, but Harry finally calmed down, he went to wash his face and then met Sirius and Remus in the living room to leave for the funeral. It was like the simple face wash had changed Harry's spirits completely. He was no longer terribly sad and depressed, but simply serious. He looked ready to greet whatever could possibly get in his way that day. This worried Sirius. It was never good for anyone to change emotions that quickly. He was bottling again. Sirius sighed, but decided to ignore it, it was probably best for the day anyway, but he intended to some day get all of it out of Harry, he just wasn't sure how he was going to go about doing it.
Sirius stepped up to Harry and said, "Are you ready Harry?"
"Yeah," Harry said evenly.
"Are you sure you're okay Harry?"
"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry."
"Okay, lets go," Sirius said, gesturing towards the door.
"Wait," Harry said. "Isn't Sorai coming?"
"No, she never really knew Molly at all, she didn't think it would be appropriate."
"Oh," Harry replied, disappointed. He was really looking forward to getting to know her better, curious if she could tell him more about his mother than Sirius and Remus could.
"It's time to go now," Remus said and headed for the door. The others followed, and they went to the jeep and did pretty much the same thing they had done after Sirius's trial. When they arrived, they found the small church overrun with many witches and wizards Harry had never seen before in his life. He spotted someone he knew in seconds, however.
"Hermione!" he called when he saw her standing alone in a corner of the room. He walked away from Sirius and Remus and started walking towards her.
She looked up sadly and smiled when she saw who it was. She walked over and gave Harry a tight hug.
"How are you Harry?"
"I'm okay, considering. I was pretty bad for a while, but I've really improved...I just can't believe...this...happened."
"Yeah, me neither. Have you seen Ron yet?" she asked, biting her lip.
"No, I just got here...have you?"
"Not yet, in fact I haven't seen any of the Weasley's yet. I'm actually dreading it, aren't you?"
"A little, but Ron's going to need us."
Hermione nodded.
"Lets say we go find him," Harry said.
"Sure," Hermione said apprehensively, and they started walking through the church. They found Ron sitting completely alone in a pew at the front of the church. There were no tears in his eyes, but the sadness and anger they carried showed exactly how much pain he was in.
"Ron," Hermione began, once they had made eye contact. "I'm so sorry, Ron." She said, reaching forth and pulling him into a painfully tight hug. Ron made no movement whatsoever, just sat ramrod straight. He barely acknowledged the fact that he had been hugged at all. Hermione sat beside him and let Harry step forward.
"I'm so sorry Ron," Harry said, sitting on his other side. Ron slowly looked at him, and then turned back to staring into the nothingness ahead. Harry didn't know what to think. He leaned back in his seat and looked at Hermione, who stared right back at him, concerned. They exchanged a glance that said only one thing, "This doesn't look good."
So Ron's having a few problems, obviously, lets see if Harry can help him through them! I'll try to update soon, but I have midterms next week, and my weekend will probably (hopefully) be pretty eventful...I'm hoping to go dancing, yeah! Anyways, please review cause I just LOVE reading them, almost as much as I love writing this story, and they truly do inspire me to update sooner!