A/N: Another chapter done! This was another week from Hell in case you
were wondering! But, I still managed to get this chapter up and not come
last place at my ski meet, that's a first! So, I hope you enjoy this
story, but before you read it, I have news! I have found a new real life
Lupin, since my first moved away. This one doesn't really have the right
hair, but he definitely had the face, voice and personality. God, I wish I
was the one casting those movies!
FlyinHigh: Don't cry! It's alright! Thanks for the review!
Wonder: LOL, that chapter wasn't that sad was it? The sadness probably won't stop until the very end, hope you don't mind, but I like to write sadness, it makes me glad that I'm not that sad, ya know? Anyways, it feels SOOOOO good to be done with physics, and I just found out that I got an A on my final project, everyone got an A, although we definitely didn't deserve it...but HOW, can you choose to major in physics?!?! Well, maybe having a half way decent teacher helps you with that a little! Thanks for reviewing!
Melissa Lupin: I agree, Malfoy should go to prison, but he hasn't done anything yet...hopefully he will later on though. Thanks for the review!
Ella: It had to be done, I assure you, but everything will be all right. I also will assure you that Harry will not be having a girlfriend, I'm really bad with romance stuff, and all ships concerning Harry or Ron make me want to hurl, so have no fear. Sirius will not be the new teacher, but I just realized that I was going to have to decide on someone to fill that position...I may have to use an oc, or I could use one of those names mentioned in the books but never elaborated on....Thanks for the review!
Rhiain: Thanks for the review! Here's some more for ya!
Kanzer: Did you mean did I have to make the court scene so long or Remus's sentence? I actually thought I was letting Remus off easy, but I guess it could have been shorter. Harry will either go back to school in the next chapter or the one after that. Depends on how much space the meat of the next chapter takes.
Lucretio-del-alba: Did you really cry? A lot of people say that but I don't know if they're serious or not. Anyway, I am trying to make this story sad, cuz that's what I like, but please tell me if it gets to the point of being sappy, okay? And thanks, I'm glad you think I'm a good writer, sometimes I wonder. This chapter is my first try at anger, tell me how you think that went!
Moonlight: Hehe, that is exactly the kind of review I was trying to elicit with that last chapter. You glared at me!!! LOL, I promise, Remus will be okay in the end, but who knows how long it's going to take for him to get to that point.
John: About Malfoy, I wanted to show again that Sirius was all Harry needed to handle anything, even Malfoy. He was able to get rid of Malfoy no problem with only a few words from Sirius...Thanks for reviewing!
Lil Lupin: I'm glad you like the story, keep reading and reviewing!
Padfoot1979: Yeah, that was a depressing chapter, that's what I like...ever read a Lurlene McDaniel book? Those are depressing. We will see Remus in the next chapter, and maybe some more later on, but until close to the end, we'll be seeing very little Moony.
Lamina Court: I do get carried away with review reviews sometimes, but everything my reviewers write spark all kinds of stuff in my head and I can't stop writing! And, you did leave me a few good reviews that I had to comment on, and you actually criticized, I like that! Anyways, an eye for an eye huh? I promise Remus won't die, but he may be a little, er...off for a bit...But he'll be alright in the end. I feel the need to tell everyone that, though I'm probably ruining a small aspect of the story by doing so.
Katie: Yes, the full moons are going to be awful while he's in Azkaban, that's why I elaborated so much on them...It's okay if you don't review every chapter, I really don't mind, sometimes I just don't feel like reviewing stories either, especially when I have piles of homework to do....like right now...About the timing of the story, the Austin Powers thing probably is off, but I don't think it was too much of a stretch. As to the problems in the middle east, since before I was born there have been problems there, and I think that was all I was trying to point out...I actually don't even remember writing that part though, so I can't tell you for sure what I had meant! Thanks for the review!
Harry-luver200316: Harry's not a butt kicker!!! LOL, I'm glad you liked the chapter, keep reading!!!
A.Dee: LOL, I know the feeling of being yelled at to get off...I better get this done before I have the same problem, I really want to get this chapter out tonight! Reason I couldn't do the same thing to Remus as I did to Sirius: That would be SO BORING!!! Don't you think? I can't have the same thing happening each time! I have love hate feelings for Malfoy, in this story its definitely hate though...keep reading and reviewing!!!
Phoenixfeather: I did it because I thought it was necessary! Your review made me laugh, I hope you didn't cry! Thanks for reviewing!
Carolyn: Yup, Harry's life's the pits...but it will get better, Remus will return (eventually) and a happy ending is the plan!
Amy Potter13: Remus will be okay eventually, I promise thanks for reviewing!
Aeryn Alexander: I was hoping people would be surprised with me putting Remus away, the story can't be all crisis to nothing in no time at all...it would be boring. Thanks for reviewing!
Tiger Lily: LOL, Remus will serve his entire sentence, he did break the law, there's no going around that...but a nice court would have taken into account that Sirius was innocent and not pressed charges, but we're talking Fudge here. Thanks for the review!
FairyTale: Not much left to say to you, but I will repeat how much you scared me, like a teacher, "you're walking on thin ice here," LOL Keep reading and reviewing please!
Sirius and Harry rode home in complete silence. Sirius's face tight as he drove the distance. He would have gone home the quick way, but Remus had never gotten around to showing him how to use it, and he really didn't feel like getting himself lost after all that had happened that fateful day.
About twenty miles from the Lupin Loft Harry shakily asked a question he had been thinking about the whole way home, "Do-do you think he'll be okay?"
Sirius sighed deeply and stared straight ahead at the road for a moment, then stole a glance at Harry. The boys face was scrunched in a worried expression, and he was biting his lip. "I really don't know Harry...I mean- I've seen people lose it after a month...and Rem's a werewolf, so it's going to be really, really hard for him. If you asked me if he'd make it through a sentence like mine...I'd say no in a heartbeat. He wouldn't survive that. I do worry that he won't make it through till December, but he may. Remus is one of the bravest people I know-I have faith in him...I know he can potentially get through it, but I don't know if he will-Harry, I just don't know."
Harry nodded, his face not changing in the slightest. Sirius put his arm over Harry's shoulder and they drove the rest of the way home in silence. Sorai was waiting in the kitchen when they arrived home. She looked around, didn't see Remus, and knew exactly what had happened. "Oh God," was all she said. Sirius nodded and slumped into a chair at the table. Sorai knelt in front of her brother and began whispering questions to him. Harry saw that Sirius was getting upset again, and knew that if Sirius got upset he'd get upset, so he decided to leave the room.
Harry slowly made his way to his room where James greeted him at the door. Harry bent down and picked up the small puppy and brought it to his bed. He sat cross legged, hugging the small dog to him. The dog seemed to know that Harry was upset, and made no effort to get out of the rather uncomfortable position. He simply was there for his master when he needed him. Harry didn't cry, he was beyond that really. He was upset beyond tears. It wasn't even just that Remus was gone for a couple of months. Harry of course was going to miss him, but with the absence of Remus, Harry knew there would be an absence of a small part of Sirius as well. It was like Harry was losing both of his new parents.
Harry really didn't know how to deal with such a situation as this, so he just continued to hug his dog to him and rocked back and forth on his bed.
Downstairs, however, a less calm scene was taking place. After Harry left the room, Sirius did indeed breakdown yet again. "Sorai, he's gone, he's really gone! Sorai, he's going to die and it's all my fault! He's not going to make it in Azkaban, I know it he's not!"
Sorai pulled her younger brother into a hug. She was expecting a reaction like this from her brother. "Sirius I told you this before, this is not your fault, if it were...it would be everyone's fault...everyone's! Do you understand me?" she said gently. He nodded slightly but still shook with sobs in his sisters arms.
"Now, Sirius, you can't give up hope. If you say that Remus isn't going to make it, he probably won't. Have faith that he will, and he will. You can't just give up, because I'm sure he's not. Your friend will overcome this, Sirius, just like you did...do you think he'd let you show him up like that?"
Sirius laughed sadly, "You're right Sorai, you're always right...but I've seen it there-it's brutal. Remus could make it through no sweat, he has the right mind set, but he's a werewolf Sor...you've seen what happens after that...do you know how many full moons he's going to go through? Five...and do you know how much time he'll have to recover from those full moons? None....none."
Sirius put his head in his hands and continued to sob for his friend. Sorai even let a few tears run down her face. Sorai gave Sirius some time to let his tears out. When they began to slow she brought up another point. "You have a fifteen year old boy upstairs Sir, don't forget that. He just lost someone who I think he considers a parent. He's going to need you more than ever now. You have to keep yourself together. Help him through this, and he'll return the favor...he just needs to know how."
Sirius nodded and wiped the few remaining tears from his eyes.
"You need to keep up hope Sirius, especially around Harry. You may have cynical ideas about this, but don't let Harry see that...okay?"
"Yeah," Sirius said in a small voice.
"I love you little brother," she said pulling him into one more hug.
"I love you too Sor...I'm glad I made you come here," Sirius mumbled into her shoulder. Sorai laughed slightly at the last remark. She then stood and left the room, leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts.
He sat alone like that for the better part of two hours, but never shed another tear. He just thought things out, and tried to see the situation as the glass half full where he was previously seeing it as half empty. It did help to slightly lighten his mood, and he was ready to talk to Harry.
He trudged up the stairs and stopped in front of Harry's closed door. He knocked twice but received no answer. Slightly worried by this, Sirius pushed the door open a crack and stuck his head in. He smiled at what he saw. Harry was lying asleep on his bed with James curled in a little ball across his chest. One of Harry's arms was wrapped securely over the puppy. Sirius opened the door all the way and walked over to the bed. He sat on the edge, hoping not to wake either of its occupants, and found that he was successful. He sat there for a while stroking Harry's hair with one hand, and scratching the dog's head with the other. Harry woke up just as Sirius was about to drift into sleep himself.
"Hey Sirius," Harry muttered in a tired voice. "Whatcha doing?"
"I just wanted to see how you were holding up."
"I'll live," Harry said simply.
Sirius shook his head. "I want you to do more than just live Harry...I want you to be happy."
"Maybe tomorrow...but today I can just live."
Sirius sighed at the remark and looked down at the puppy who was still asleep on Harry's chest.
"I think little J here wants you to do more than just live too Harry. He doesn't want you left alone."
Harry smiled as he tried to get a full view of the dog he felt more than saw on his chest.
"He's keeping me warm," Harry said smiling again and petting the dog.
Sirius looked expectantly at Harry, who looked back quite confused. Harry didn't know what to say, so he just let his mouth do the thinking, "I know we just saw him a few hours ago...but...I-I miss Remus."
Sirius nodded his head, "Me too, and that feeling is just going to keep getting worse until we see him again."
"We really won't see him till December?"
Sirius shook his head.
"But...aren't prisoners allowed visitors?" Harry asked and the immediately regretted it. The moment he asked the question Sirius's face fell into a panicked expression, and he looked down, almost in guilt.
"What is it?" Harry asked when Sirius never responded.
"It's just...I can't go back there Harry...I can't. It would bring back too-too much. I couldn't take it-and seeing Moony like that...." he trailed off with a shiver.
Harry knew he should let the issue go, but couldn't leave it there. "But...I could go. I'm sure he'd like some visitors...maybe Sorai could take me."
Sirius bit his lip and nodded slowly. Harry could tell though that Sirius didn't want Harry within a 100 mile radius of Azkaban. He finally decided to let that discussion drop. Sirius looked relieved. "You want dinner Harry? I don't feel like cooking, but we can order in."
Harry shrugged, not really caring either way. Sirius then said, "Pizza it is," and grinned at Harry, trying to lighten both of their moods. It didn't really work. "I'll bring it up here when it comes, what do you like on it?"
Harry had one of those looks like he was surprised beyond belief by the question. Despite the heavy mood Sirius had to laugh at him.
"Harry...?"
"Ummm...whatever you get is fine."
"We can get it half and half if you want Harry."
"Uhhh..." Harry said, looking slightly disturbed.
"What's up Harry?" Sirius asked a worried look coming over his face.
Harry blushed, "I've never had pizza..."
Sirius looked stunned, "Never...pizza? The way your cousin looked you never had pizza while you were there? In fourteen years?"
Harry looked down, "Oh he had lots of pizza...they considered it to good to share with me...when they ordered pizza I got to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Between the three of them they polished off two whole large pizzas, and Aunt Petunia would only eat one piece. I-I don't know what it taste's like...but it always smelled so good."
"Those filthy...ah never mind. You're in for a treat tonight. My favorite's pepperoni...how about it. Pizza's always the best medicine for anything. Maybe it'll take our minds off all the shit that happened today....Do you want to come downstairs with me or do you want me to bring it up when it arrives and eat in here."
"Whatever you feel like, Sirius...I really don't care."
"Up here it is...Sit tight Harry, you'll get your first taste of pizza in twenty minutes or less," Sirius quipped in a commercial voice. He was trying to be funny, but Harry was just not taking the bait. Sirius sighed and left the room.
It was indeed almost exactly twenty minutes later that Sirius returned to Harry's room carrying the pizza box and two plastic plates, as well as two large plastic cups of Coke. He handed Harry a cup, placed the pizza in the middle and sat at the foot of the bed. He took a slice of pizza and put it on a plate and handed it to Harry, then took one for himself. Harry didn't touch the pizza, he just sat there staring at it. Sirius noticed this only after he had devoured three huge bites of his own slice.
"What's the matter, Harry?" Sirius asked with a mouthful.
Harry shook his head and stared at the pizza then shook his head again. "I can't eat it."
Sirius put his plate down and stared at Harry, "Why not, Bud?"
"How can we enjoy this while Remus is stuck in a jail cell...do they even feed him there?"
Sirius nodded grimly, "Yeah, they feed the prisoners...cold soup."
Harry shuddered, thinking of the Dursleys.
"It's okay Harry, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to...but remember, we have to keep living and now is as good a time as any to move on. You'll kill yourself if you dwell on this too much."
Harry nodded grimly and grabbed up his pizza again. He sunk his teeth into it but didn't actually take a bite. He let the pizza fall back on his plate as he leaped off the bed and started running out of the room. Running wasn't something Harry had mastered since his paralysis, and he took a spill just as he was going through the doorway, as he fell he began to throw up.
Sirius set his pizza down and flew to Harry's side, holding him up slightly so he wouldn't get his face in his own vomit. When Harry had cleaned his body of whatever was left in it, Sirius helped him up.
"I'm so-so sorry, I tried to get-to the bathroom," Harry said in a shaky voice, tears in his eyes. Harry had some vomit on his arms but Sirius didn't care, he through one of Harry's arms over his shoulder and helped him over the puddle on the floor and to the bathroom, saying, "Come on Harry, lets get you cleaned up."
Sirius helped Harry sit down on the toilet, the previous situation took a lot out of him, and he could barely stand on his own. He helped Harry get his stained t-shirt off then grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the sink. He gently wiped Harry's face, neck and arms clean. Next, Sirius grabbed Harry's toothbrush, prepared it and then let Harry set to work on getting the awful taste out of his mouth. When Harry had to spit Sirius helped pull him up and leaned him over the sink. He then left Harry there for a few moments while he magically cleaned the puddle in Harry's doorway, took away the pizza and soda, and grabbed him some clean pajamas. After helping him put the pajamas on Sirius again put one of Harry's arms over his shoulder and guided him back to the room. James was waiting patiently at the foot of the bed. Harry smiled weekly at the puppy. Sirius sat Harry at the end of the bed and pulled back all the blankets before helping Harry lay back in them. Once Harry looked comfortable James came trotting along and curled himself up against Harry's side.
"That dog really likes you, Harry."
Harry nodded and patted the dog gently.
"Harry, are you sick or was that about Remus?"
Sirius watched color return slightly to Harry's face, but wasn't happy that it was because Harry was blushing.
"Don't be embarrassed Harry...Was this because of Remus or do I need to go get some Pepto-Bismol?"
"I'm not sick...I just-keep thinking of him there Sirius. I get these awful images in my head about what it must be like, and it makes my stomach churn...and then the pizza...it just set me off."
"I'm not going to lie to you Harry, Azkaban's a living Hell, but I already told Remus the easiest way to get through it all, and I think he'll be alright. Just stop thinking about it. Don't forget about Remus, but don't dwell on it, it'll kill you, Harry. I think tonight was a good sign of that."
Harry nodded seriously and said, "I'll try, but I don't know if I can."
Sirius gave Harry a crooked smile and messed his hair before giving him a big hug. "Rest up Harry, and don't dwell on this, okay? I can't say that enough. Do you want some dreamless sleep potion or something?"
Harry shook his head not wanting to be any more of a bother. "Night Sirius," he croaked.
"Night bud," Sirius said, giving Harry a small peck on the top of his head before walking out of the room and turning out the light. Sirius then went to bed himself.
Several hours later he was awoken by yelling from Harry's room. He quickly made his way over there to see Harry thrashing in bed and yelling things Sirius couldn't understand at the top of his lungs. James was hopping up and down beside him barking furiously. Sirius pulled out his wand and yelled "enervate" and Harry stopped thrashing for a moment, then jumped up in bed, looked around wildly and then collapsed back down onto the mattress in sheer terror. Sirius ran over and put his hands on Harry's shoulders and felt how severely Harry was shaking. He was severely short of breath as well.
For a few moments Sirius just sat there staring at Harry, who was staring right back at him with eyes full of fear. "Harry," Sirius finally said, "What happened?"
Harry shook his head and Sirius gave him a look that said, "If you don't tell me I'm never going to leave."
So Harry began to talk, "I-I dreamt that-that I was in Azkaban too, except things-thing weren't right. And a dementor came by-and he-and he tried to give me the Dementor's kiss, and then you-you woke me up...thank you."
"Was that all that was in the dream Harry?"
Harry looked down with tears in his eyes and shook his head. Sirius pulled him towards him in a gentle hug and he whispered, "What else?"
"I was in the same cell as Remus...and he was dead...it was awful." Tears were now streaming down Harry's face as Sirius rocked him gently. Harry buried his head in Sirius's shoulder. He was embarrassed about crying over a nightmare, but Sirius showed now sign that he thought lowly of Harry for it. Thus, Harry just let himself be comforted.
Sirius just sat there holding his godson for nearly half an hour, whispering things like, "Shhh, it was just a dream...Remus is okay, he's still alive...that won't really happen."
"I'm so so-sorry I woke you up Sirius, you should go back to bed."
Sirius shook his head and said, "Get back under the cover's Harry."
Harry obeyed, but didn't want to go back to sleep.
Sirius saw this and said, "Harry you need to sleep. If you don't you're only going to get worse, and I don't want to see that happen. I'm going to stay by your side, Harry, don't worry, just sleep." Sirius wrapped his arm around Harry, and leaned against the headboard, resting his chin gently atop Harry's head. But he didn't fall asleep, he just couldn't after what he had seen in that dream. Sirius was out like a light in minutes, but Harry kept his eyes open until morning.
When the clock by his bed turned nine and Sirius was still asleep, Harry decided it was time to move. He eased Sirius off to the side and then climbed out of bed. He still felt relatively weak but made it to the bathroom, showered and got dressed. When he returned to his room, Sirius was starting to wake up. He took one look at Harry and groaned.
"You didn't sleep at all after that nightmare did you Harry?"
Harry nodded and then looked at the face Sirius was making and shook his head, signifying that he didn't sleep at all that night. Sirius climbed off the bed and stepped up to Harry who was standing exhaustedly by the door. He put an arm around Harry and walked him out the door and downstairs. "Tonight Harry, tonight I'm giving you some potion, got it? You really can't go on like this, do you hear me."
"I hear you Sirius, but-I can't help it. It's like my mind just takes over and there's nothing I can do."
Sirius sighed, "Do you think you can hold anything down today?"
Harry nodded, "I just don't want to go all out on anything, when I do, like last night, I think of Remus and how drastically opposite everything is for him...can we just have cereal?"
"Of course Harry, of course."
They ate their cereal in silence and afterwards Harry went to sit outside in the sun. After a while Sirius came outside and joined him. "I have an idea for something that may take your mind of Remus, Harry."
Harry stared at Sirius, "What?"
"This is kind of a two birds with one stone thing, I think your legs still need to be strengthened a lot, so I'm going to train you to run."
"Train me...?"
Sirius nodded, "Before I went to Hogwarts I went to a muggle school where we had track, I learned all the skills needed to be an excellent runner. Once you get the basis down, running becomes more than just exercise, it's a form of relief...kind of like you can take your aggression out on the road, understand?"
Harry nodded, grinning slightly.
"When do we start?" Harry said, excited about getting something in his life that would take his mind elsewhere.
"Now if you like...I don't have anything I need to do. Why don't you go change into some gym shorts and a t-shirt."
"Alright," Harry said and got up to leave. Sirius, who was already dressed for a run, sat back and smiled to himself. He knew that this wouldn't be the solution to all of Harry's problems, but knew that there was a good chance that it would help him at least a little. Harry was back outside in no time, with an expression of expectation upon his tired face.
"Are you sure you're up for this Harry, you really look awfully tired."
"Yeah, I'm fine, lets do it."
"Okay," he said standing up, "First we have to stretch, especially you, because of the accident..." Sirius led Harry through enough exercises to stretch every muscle in the body.
"Good, you ready to start?"
Harry nodded, but looked a little worried.
"What, Harry?"
"Well...after last night, do you think I'll have enough balance not to fall again?"
"That's what we need to work on. Focus on that right now, not speed."
"Right," Harry said. Sirius broke into a slow jog, and Harry followed close behind. For Sirius, it was no problem, but Harry was huffing and puffing after the first three minutes. With occasional walking breaks, Harry and Sirius made there way deep into the wooded area beyond the house. They continued there run until they reached a small river. It was a beautiful, picturesque sight, and Sirius sat on a rock at the edge of the water, he took his sneakers and socks off and plunged his feet into the cool water. He motioned for Harry to do the same. Once he had, Sirius said, "When I first lived here with Moony, right after Hogwarts this is where I would come whenever everything became too much. Something about this area just calms me down no matter what kind of a mood I'm in. I want you to remember this place. Whenever shit becomes too much for you, and you don't feel like talking to me, come out here. It'll help you feel better."
Harry grinned at his godfather, "Thanks Sirius."
"Just remember though, if anything serious is happening you come to me, don't leave too much inside Harry, okay? Promise?"
"Yeah, I promise."
"Good," Sirius said, standing up. Harry stood as well and Sirius put his arm over his shoulders, and they walked leisurely back to the house.
The next day Sirius took Harry to get his stitches removed. The doctor seemed to be suspicious about the relationship between Harry and Sirius, especially after his previous talk with Sirius, but he didn't ask anymore questions and sent Harry home with a clean slate.
Harry's state improved as the days went on, and soon he was back to his normal self. He seemed to not worry about Remus at all anymore. September 1, was looming ahead, and Sirius was dreading it. Harry had been staying with him for over a month now and he wasn't ready to see his godson leave. They were as happy as could be considering their circumstances. That is, until a little talk they had three days before Harry returned to Hogwarts.
Harry and Sirius sat in the living room, discussing Harry's upcoming return to school and what he still needed to get for supplies. They got on the topic of a new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor and Harry started thinking about Remus.
Suddenly, he blurted, "I want to see him."
Sirius looked stunned for a moment and then said, "What?"
"Remus, I want to see him."
"Harry, I don't think that's the best idea."
"Why?"
"Harry, do you remember how long it took you to get over Remus getting taken away? You had visions of how he was being treated, and now you want to go see the real thing? Harry, what you see at Azkaban haunts you for the rest of your life. Five minutes in there you'll never forget. I'm not going to let something else into your head that's going to haunt you like that. No."
"Sirius, I'll be fine. Yeah, it took me awhile to get over it, but I'm fine now aren't I?"
Sirius looked at Harry calculatingly. "I really don't know if you're fine or not."
Harry ignored that statement and said, "I want to see him, Sirius...I miss him."
"I miss him too Harry, I miss him like he's dead! But seeing him the way he is now is not going to help, do you hear me? It'll just make the pain you feel for him ten times worse."
"I don't care...He's suffering there, he's lonely, he needs someone to visit him, and I want to see him! Why can't I just go? I already talked to Sorai, she said she'd take me. You know, he'd probably like to see you too, but since you're to scared...or selfish to go back there, I have to have Sorai take me...though it would mean much more I'm sure if you went!" Harry yelled scathingly.
Sirius stood up with a look of pain and anger on his face. "That is not fair Harry! You know what I went through in Azkaban, you know! How could you even say that? I'm not going, and you're not going either, for one reason: It will only make everything worse. You think Remus is going to want you to see him like that. Yeah, I bet he does miss us, more than we miss him, but he is NOT going to want you or me to see him like that. He doesn't like being looked at after the full moon...this is going to be SO much worse. God-Harry! Why can't you just trust me?"
"Because I think you're wrong."
"Well, you know what? I'm your godfather and I get to call the shots. You're not going and that's final!"
Harry's face was beat red in anger, he balled his fists and yelled, "Fine Sirius! Fine! But don't expect me to be happy now, okay? I need to see him...to make sure he's alright!" With that, Harry stormed up the stairs, went to his room and slammed the door. James gave a loud bark from the bed at the noise. He was now nearly full grown and took up half the bed. Harry went and sat next to him and he put his head on Harry's leg. Harry petted the dog's head and began to talk to him in a soft, much calmer voice, "He doesn't understand. I don't just want to see Remus to see him. I need to make sure he's alright, that he's still breathing. How can I make him see that? He just doesn't want me anywhere near Azkaban, I guess he's right that it will be dangerous...and I know I'm not going to like what I see...but it's something I have to do...and I'd like to do it before I go back to school."
The dog gave Harry a surprisingly sympathetic look. It was as though he had understood everything Harry had said, and that alone calmed Harry down a lot. He sat for a while gathering his thoughts, trying to think up a good defense for himself and then went to talk to Sirius again.
After the argument Sirius slammed his body down on the couch roughly. He couldn't believe what Harry had just said to him. Was he being selfish by not wanting to go back to Azkaban? No matter how he looked at it Sirius couldn't figure out how his feelings could be construed that way. He knew Remus would understand, and that's all that mattered to him. Sirius just didn't like having Harry so mad at him. He remembered times where he used to get that angry with his own father, and hoped he would never put any kid through that, but he just did. No matter how he looked at it Sirius couldn't find a good reason to let Harry go to Azkaban, so he decided to hold firm.
Sirius was still upset, however, and decided to take a run to his spot. He hurriedly through his sneakers off and sprinted out the back door.
Harry walked down stairs nearly a half an hour after Sirius left and searched the house. He noticed Sirius's shoes were gone, and knew instantly where he was. Quickly he threw his own shoes on and ran out in the direction of the river Sirius had shown him nearly a month ago. Harry's running had improved drastically with the help of Sirius. Everyday for the rest of the summer the two would take a long run. He was now as good as Sirius.
When the river came into view Harry stopped running. He looked around and saw Sirius sitting on a large rock with his head in his hands. Harry felt bad. He slowly walked towards where his godfather sat. When he reached a point, Sirius turned and looked at him with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry," Harry said.
"Me too," Sirius replied. Harry walked over and sat next to Sirius on the large rock. Sirius put his arm over Harry's shoulder.
"Do you really think I'm being selfish?"
Harry sighed and shook his head, "No...I was mad, I said whatever I could think of...I understand...But Sirius, I don't have anything like that. I can handle going to Azkaban for a little while. It's something I want to do...I need to do. I know you think I'm doing fine now, but I'm not. I need to make sure he's alright, I need to see it with my own eyes."
Sirius nodded and was quiet for quite a while. Harry decided it was best to keep quiet for that moment. Finally, Sirius looked at Harry and nodded his head.
Harry looked at him confused, "What?"
"You can go Harry, tomorrow...if Sorai can take you. But the last day before you leave you're mine, got it?"
Harry laughed and nodded, "Thanks, Sirius."
Sirius nodded. He still looked worried about the idea but decided that Harry was right, he needed to go. He needed some kind of closure with Remus.
"Are you ready to go back to the house?" Sirius asked Harry.
Harry nodded and stood, brushing dirt off his shorts. Sirius did the same and they walked back together, talking as though the earlier fight had never happened.
They both showered after that and then sat down together for dinner. "Sirius, did you like having visitors when you were in Azkaban?"
Sirius looked sadly at Harry and shook his head, "Harry, people didn't like me too much while I was in Azkaban...I only had one visitor while I was there...Remus. It wasn't pretty. He didn't like me very much then, either...I had never seen him that angry, and I haven't since. I tried to tell him the truth, but of course he didn't believe me. I would have liked visitor's though, Harry, yes."
"I'm sorry Sirius, I didn't think...that was a dumb question."
Sirius smiled at Harry, a sign that he really didn't mind the question.
The two spent the rest of the night watching old movies together. Around 1:00 AM Sirius yawned and said, "You have a big day tomorrow, you should get some sleep."
Harry agreed. He gave Sirius a hug and went up to bed, yawning as he walked.
Then, Sirius sat down and wrote a very long letter to his best friend, Moony.
A/N: There you have it, another chapter underway! Next chapter we'll see exactly how Remus is doing and maybe, but not definitely the Hogwarts Express will pull in. Please read and review...I should have a lot of free time this week, so you may not have to wait too long for the next chapter!
FlyinHigh: Don't cry! It's alright! Thanks for the review!
Wonder: LOL, that chapter wasn't that sad was it? The sadness probably won't stop until the very end, hope you don't mind, but I like to write sadness, it makes me glad that I'm not that sad, ya know? Anyways, it feels SOOOOO good to be done with physics, and I just found out that I got an A on my final project, everyone got an A, although we definitely didn't deserve it...but HOW, can you choose to major in physics?!?! Well, maybe having a half way decent teacher helps you with that a little! Thanks for reviewing!
Melissa Lupin: I agree, Malfoy should go to prison, but he hasn't done anything yet...hopefully he will later on though. Thanks for the review!
Ella: It had to be done, I assure you, but everything will be all right. I also will assure you that Harry will not be having a girlfriend, I'm really bad with romance stuff, and all ships concerning Harry or Ron make me want to hurl, so have no fear. Sirius will not be the new teacher, but I just realized that I was going to have to decide on someone to fill that position...I may have to use an oc, or I could use one of those names mentioned in the books but never elaborated on....Thanks for the review!
Rhiain: Thanks for the review! Here's some more for ya!
Kanzer: Did you mean did I have to make the court scene so long or Remus's sentence? I actually thought I was letting Remus off easy, but I guess it could have been shorter. Harry will either go back to school in the next chapter or the one after that. Depends on how much space the meat of the next chapter takes.
Lucretio-del-alba: Did you really cry? A lot of people say that but I don't know if they're serious or not. Anyway, I am trying to make this story sad, cuz that's what I like, but please tell me if it gets to the point of being sappy, okay? And thanks, I'm glad you think I'm a good writer, sometimes I wonder. This chapter is my first try at anger, tell me how you think that went!
Moonlight: Hehe, that is exactly the kind of review I was trying to elicit with that last chapter. You glared at me!!! LOL, I promise, Remus will be okay in the end, but who knows how long it's going to take for him to get to that point.
John: About Malfoy, I wanted to show again that Sirius was all Harry needed to handle anything, even Malfoy. He was able to get rid of Malfoy no problem with only a few words from Sirius...Thanks for reviewing!
Lil Lupin: I'm glad you like the story, keep reading and reviewing!
Padfoot1979: Yeah, that was a depressing chapter, that's what I like...ever read a Lurlene McDaniel book? Those are depressing. We will see Remus in the next chapter, and maybe some more later on, but until close to the end, we'll be seeing very little Moony.
Lamina Court: I do get carried away with review reviews sometimes, but everything my reviewers write spark all kinds of stuff in my head and I can't stop writing! And, you did leave me a few good reviews that I had to comment on, and you actually criticized, I like that! Anyways, an eye for an eye huh? I promise Remus won't die, but he may be a little, er...off for a bit...But he'll be alright in the end. I feel the need to tell everyone that, though I'm probably ruining a small aspect of the story by doing so.
Katie: Yes, the full moons are going to be awful while he's in Azkaban, that's why I elaborated so much on them...It's okay if you don't review every chapter, I really don't mind, sometimes I just don't feel like reviewing stories either, especially when I have piles of homework to do....like right now...About the timing of the story, the Austin Powers thing probably is off, but I don't think it was too much of a stretch. As to the problems in the middle east, since before I was born there have been problems there, and I think that was all I was trying to point out...I actually don't even remember writing that part though, so I can't tell you for sure what I had meant! Thanks for the review!
Harry-luver200316: Harry's not a butt kicker!!! LOL, I'm glad you liked the chapter, keep reading!!!
A.Dee: LOL, I know the feeling of being yelled at to get off...I better get this done before I have the same problem, I really want to get this chapter out tonight! Reason I couldn't do the same thing to Remus as I did to Sirius: That would be SO BORING!!! Don't you think? I can't have the same thing happening each time! I have love hate feelings for Malfoy, in this story its definitely hate though...keep reading and reviewing!!!
Phoenixfeather: I did it because I thought it was necessary! Your review made me laugh, I hope you didn't cry! Thanks for reviewing!
Carolyn: Yup, Harry's life's the pits...but it will get better, Remus will return (eventually) and a happy ending is the plan!
Amy Potter13: Remus will be okay eventually, I promise thanks for reviewing!
Aeryn Alexander: I was hoping people would be surprised with me putting Remus away, the story can't be all crisis to nothing in no time at all...it would be boring. Thanks for reviewing!
Tiger Lily: LOL, Remus will serve his entire sentence, he did break the law, there's no going around that...but a nice court would have taken into account that Sirius was innocent and not pressed charges, but we're talking Fudge here. Thanks for the review!
FairyTale: Not much left to say to you, but I will repeat how much you scared me, like a teacher, "you're walking on thin ice here," LOL Keep reading and reviewing please!
Sirius and Harry rode home in complete silence. Sirius's face tight as he drove the distance. He would have gone home the quick way, but Remus had never gotten around to showing him how to use it, and he really didn't feel like getting himself lost after all that had happened that fateful day.
About twenty miles from the Lupin Loft Harry shakily asked a question he had been thinking about the whole way home, "Do-do you think he'll be okay?"
Sirius sighed deeply and stared straight ahead at the road for a moment, then stole a glance at Harry. The boys face was scrunched in a worried expression, and he was biting his lip. "I really don't know Harry...I mean- I've seen people lose it after a month...and Rem's a werewolf, so it's going to be really, really hard for him. If you asked me if he'd make it through a sentence like mine...I'd say no in a heartbeat. He wouldn't survive that. I do worry that he won't make it through till December, but he may. Remus is one of the bravest people I know-I have faith in him...I know he can potentially get through it, but I don't know if he will-Harry, I just don't know."
Harry nodded, his face not changing in the slightest. Sirius put his arm over Harry's shoulder and they drove the rest of the way home in silence. Sorai was waiting in the kitchen when they arrived home. She looked around, didn't see Remus, and knew exactly what had happened. "Oh God," was all she said. Sirius nodded and slumped into a chair at the table. Sorai knelt in front of her brother and began whispering questions to him. Harry saw that Sirius was getting upset again, and knew that if Sirius got upset he'd get upset, so he decided to leave the room.
Harry slowly made his way to his room where James greeted him at the door. Harry bent down and picked up the small puppy and brought it to his bed. He sat cross legged, hugging the small dog to him. The dog seemed to know that Harry was upset, and made no effort to get out of the rather uncomfortable position. He simply was there for his master when he needed him. Harry didn't cry, he was beyond that really. He was upset beyond tears. It wasn't even just that Remus was gone for a couple of months. Harry of course was going to miss him, but with the absence of Remus, Harry knew there would be an absence of a small part of Sirius as well. It was like Harry was losing both of his new parents.
Harry really didn't know how to deal with such a situation as this, so he just continued to hug his dog to him and rocked back and forth on his bed.
Downstairs, however, a less calm scene was taking place. After Harry left the room, Sirius did indeed breakdown yet again. "Sorai, he's gone, he's really gone! Sorai, he's going to die and it's all my fault! He's not going to make it in Azkaban, I know it he's not!"
Sorai pulled her younger brother into a hug. She was expecting a reaction like this from her brother. "Sirius I told you this before, this is not your fault, if it were...it would be everyone's fault...everyone's! Do you understand me?" she said gently. He nodded slightly but still shook with sobs in his sisters arms.
"Now, Sirius, you can't give up hope. If you say that Remus isn't going to make it, he probably won't. Have faith that he will, and he will. You can't just give up, because I'm sure he's not. Your friend will overcome this, Sirius, just like you did...do you think he'd let you show him up like that?"
Sirius laughed sadly, "You're right Sorai, you're always right...but I've seen it there-it's brutal. Remus could make it through no sweat, he has the right mind set, but he's a werewolf Sor...you've seen what happens after that...do you know how many full moons he's going to go through? Five...and do you know how much time he'll have to recover from those full moons? None....none."
Sirius put his head in his hands and continued to sob for his friend. Sorai even let a few tears run down her face. Sorai gave Sirius some time to let his tears out. When they began to slow she brought up another point. "You have a fifteen year old boy upstairs Sir, don't forget that. He just lost someone who I think he considers a parent. He's going to need you more than ever now. You have to keep yourself together. Help him through this, and he'll return the favor...he just needs to know how."
Sirius nodded and wiped the few remaining tears from his eyes.
"You need to keep up hope Sirius, especially around Harry. You may have cynical ideas about this, but don't let Harry see that...okay?"
"Yeah," Sirius said in a small voice.
"I love you little brother," she said pulling him into one more hug.
"I love you too Sor...I'm glad I made you come here," Sirius mumbled into her shoulder. Sorai laughed slightly at the last remark. She then stood and left the room, leaving Sirius alone with his thoughts.
He sat alone like that for the better part of two hours, but never shed another tear. He just thought things out, and tried to see the situation as the glass half full where he was previously seeing it as half empty. It did help to slightly lighten his mood, and he was ready to talk to Harry.
He trudged up the stairs and stopped in front of Harry's closed door. He knocked twice but received no answer. Slightly worried by this, Sirius pushed the door open a crack and stuck his head in. He smiled at what he saw. Harry was lying asleep on his bed with James curled in a little ball across his chest. One of Harry's arms was wrapped securely over the puppy. Sirius opened the door all the way and walked over to the bed. He sat on the edge, hoping not to wake either of its occupants, and found that he was successful. He sat there for a while stroking Harry's hair with one hand, and scratching the dog's head with the other. Harry woke up just as Sirius was about to drift into sleep himself.
"Hey Sirius," Harry muttered in a tired voice. "Whatcha doing?"
"I just wanted to see how you were holding up."
"I'll live," Harry said simply.
Sirius shook his head. "I want you to do more than just live Harry...I want you to be happy."
"Maybe tomorrow...but today I can just live."
Sirius sighed at the remark and looked down at the puppy who was still asleep on Harry's chest.
"I think little J here wants you to do more than just live too Harry. He doesn't want you left alone."
Harry smiled as he tried to get a full view of the dog he felt more than saw on his chest.
"He's keeping me warm," Harry said smiling again and petting the dog.
Sirius looked expectantly at Harry, who looked back quite confused. Harry didn't know what to say, so he just let his mouth do the thinking, "I know we just saw him a few hours ago...but...I-I miss Remus."
Sirius nodded his head, "Me too, and that feeling is just going to keep getting worse until we see him again."
"We really won't see him till December?"
Sirius shook his head.
"But...aren't prisoners allowed visitors?" Harry asked and the immediately regretted it. The moment he asked the question Sirius's face fell into a panicked expression, and he looked down, almost in guilt.
"What is it?" Harry asked when Sirius never responded.
"It's just...I can't go back there Harry...I can't. It would bring back too-too much. I couldn't take it-and seeing Moony like that...." he trailed off with a shiver.
Harry knew he should let the issue go, but couldn't leave it there. "But...I could go. I'm sure he'd like some visitors...maybe Sorai could take me."
Sirius bit his lip and nodded slowly. Harry could tell though that Sirius didn't want Harry within a 100 mile radius of Azkaban. He finally decided to let that discussion drop. Sirius looked relieved. "You want dinner Harry? I don't feel like cooking, but we can order in."
Harry shrugged, not really caring either way. Sirius then said, "Pizza it is," and grinned at Harry, trying to lighten both of their moods. It didn't really work. "I'll bring it up here when it comes, what do you like on it?"
Harry had one of those looks like he was surprised beyond belief by the question. Despite the heavy mood Sirius had to laugh at him.
"Harry...?"
"Ummm...whatever you get is fine."
"We can get it half and half if you want Harry."
"Uhhh..." Harry said, looking slightly disturbed.
"What's up Harry?" Sirius asked a worried look coming over his face.
Harry blushed, "I've never had pizza..."
Sirius looked stunned, "Never...pizza? The way your cousin looked you never had pizza while you were there? In fourteen years?"
Harry looked down, "Oh he had lots of pizza...they considered it to good to share with me...when they ordered pizza I got to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Between the three of them they polished off two whole large pizzas, and Aunt Petunia would only eat one piece. I-I don't know what it taste's like...but it always smelled so good."
"Those filthy...ah never mind. You're in for a treat tonight. My favorite's pepperoni...how about it. Pizza's always the best medicine for anything. Maybe it'll take our minds off all the shit that happened today....Do you want to come downstairs with me or do you want me to bring it up when it arrives and eat in here."
"Whatever you feel like, Sirius...I really don't care."
"Up here it is...Sit tight Harry, you'll get your first taste of pizza in twenty minutes or less," Sirius quipped in a commercial voice. He was trying to be funny, but Harry was just not taking the bait. Sirius sighed and left the room.
It was indeed almost exactly twenty minutes later that Sirius returned to Harry's room carrying the pizza box and two plastic plates, as well as two large plastic cups of Coke. He handed Harry a cup, placed the pizza in the middle and sat at the foot of the bed. He took a slice of pizza and put it on a plate and handed it to Harry, then took one for himself. Harry didn't touch the pizza, he just sat there staring at it. Sirius noticed this only after he had devoured three huge bites of his own slice.
"What's the matter, Harry?" Sirius asked with a mouthful.
Harry shook his head and stared at the pizza then shook his head again. "I can't eat it."
Sirius put his plate down and stared at Harry, "Why not, Bud?"
"How can we enjoy this while Remus is stuck in a jail cell...do they even feed him there?"
Sirius nodded grimly, "Yeah, they feed the prisoners...cold soup."
Harry shuddered, thinking of the Dursleys.
"It's okay Harry, you don't have to eat it if you don't want to...but remember, we have to keep living and now is as good a time as any to move on. You'll kill yourself if you dwell on this too much."
Harry nodded grimly and grabbed up his pizza again. He sunk his teeth into it but didn't actually take a bite. He let the pizza fall back on his plate as he leaped off the bed and started running out of the room. Running wasn't something Harry had mastered since his paralysis, and he took a spill just as he was going through the doorway, as he fell he began to throw up.
Sirius set his pizza down and flew to Harry's side, holding him up slightly so he wouldn't get his face in his own vomit. When Harry had cleaned his body of whatever was left in it, Sirius helped him up.
"I'm so-so sorry, I tried to get-to the bathroom," Harry said in a shaky voice, tears in his eyes. Harry had some vomit on his arms but Sirius didn't care, he through one of Harry's arms over his shoulder and helped him over the puddle on the floor and to the bathroom, saying, "Come on Harry, lets get you cleaned up."
Sirius helped Harry sit down on the toilet, the previous situation took a lot out of him, and he could barely stand on his own. He helped Harry get his stained t-shirt off then grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the sink. He gently wiped Harry's face, neck and arms clean. Next, Sirius grabbed Harry's toothbrush, prepared it and then let Harry set to work on getting the awful taste out of his mouth. When Harry had to spit Sirius helped pull him up and leaned him over the sink. He then left Harry there for a few moments while he magically cleaned the puddle in Harry's doorway, took away the pizza and soda, and grabbed him some clean pajamas. After helping him put the pajamas on Sirius again put one of Harry's arms over his shoulder and guided him back to the room. James was waiting patiently at the foot of the bed. Harry smiled weekly at the puppy. Sirius sat Harry at the end of the bed and pulled back all the blankets before helping Harry lay back in them. Once Harry looked comfortable James came trotting along and curled himself up against Harry's side.
"That dog really likes you, Harry."
Harry nodded and patted the dog gently.
"Harry, are you sick or was that about Remus?"
Sirius watched color return slightly to Harry's face, but wasn't happy that it was because Harry was blushing.
"Don't be embarrassed Harry...Was this because of Remus or do I need to go get some Pepto-Bismol?"
"I'm not sick...I just-keep thinking of him there Sirius. I get these awful images in my head about what it must be like, and it makes my stomach churn...and then the pizza...it just set me off."
"I'm not going to lie to you Harry, Azkaban's a living Hell, but I already told Remus the easiest way to get through it all, and I think he'll be alright. Just stop thinking about it. Don't forget about Remus, but don't dwell on it, it'll kill you, Harry. I think tonight was a good sign of that."
Harry nodded seriously and said, "I'll try, but I don't know if I can."
Sirius gave Harry a crooked smile and messed his hair before giving him a big hug. "Rest up Harry, and don't dwell on this, okay? I can't say that enough. Do you want some dreamless sleep potion or something?"
Harry shook his head not wanting to be any more of a bother. "Night Sirius," he croaked.
"Night bud," Sirius said, giving Harry a small peck on the top of his head before walking out of the room and turning out the light. Sirius then went to bed himself.
Several hours later he was awoken by yelling from Harry's room. He quickly made his way over there to see Harry thrashing in bed and yelling things Sirius couldn't understand at the top of his lungs. James was hopping up and down beside him barking furiously. Sirius pulled out his wand and yelled "enervate" and Harry stopped thrashing for a moment, then jumped up in bed, looked around wildly and then collapsed back down onto the mattress in sheer terror. Sirius ran over and put his hands on Harry's shoulders and felt how severely Harry was shaking. He was severely short of breath as well.
For a few moments Sirius just sat there staring at Harry, who was staring right back at him with eyes full of fear. "Harry," Sirius finally said, "What happened?"
Harry shook his head and Sirius gave him a look that said, "If you don't tell me I'm never going to leave."
So Harry began to talk, "I-I dreamt that-that I was in Azkaban too, except things-thing weren't right. And a dementor came by-and he-and he tried to give me the Dementor's kiss, and then you-you woke me up...thank you."
"Was that all that was in the dream Harry?"
Harry looked down with tears in his eyes and shook his head. Sirius pulled him towards him in a gentle hug and he whispered, "What else?"
"I was in the same cell as Remus...and he was dead...it was awful." Tears were now streaming down Harry's face as Sirius rocked him gently. Harry buried his head in Sirius's shoulder. He was embarrassed about crying over a nightmare, but Sirius showed now sign that he thought lowly of Harry for it. Thus, Harry just let himself be comforted.
Sirius just sat there holding his godson for nearly half an hour, whispering things like, "Shhh, it was just a dream...Remus is okay, he's still alive...that won't really happen."
"I'm so so-sorry I woke you up Sirius, you should go back to bed."
Sirius shook his head and said, "Get back under the cover's Harry."
Harry obeyed, but didn't want to go back to sleep.
Sirius saw this and said, "Harry you need to sleep. If you don't you're only going to get worse, and I don't want to see that happen. I'm going to stay by your side, Harry, don't worry, just sleep." Sirius wrapped his arm around Harry, and leaned against the headboard, resting his chin gently atop Harry's head. But he didn't fall asleep, he just couldn't after what he had seen in that dream. Sirius was out like a light in minutes, but Harry kept his eyes open until morning.
When the clock by his bed turned nine and Sirius was still asleep, Harry decided it was time to move. He eased Sirius off to the side and then climbed out of bed. He still felt relatively weak but made it to the bathroom, showered and got dressed. When he returned to his room, Sirius was starting to wake up. He took one look at Harry and groaned.
"You didn't sleep at all after that nightmare did you Harry?"
Harry nodded and then looked at the face Sirius was making and shook his head, signifying that he didn't sleep at all that night. Sirius climbed off the bed and stepped up to Harry who was standing exhaustedly by the door. He put an arm around Harry and walked him out the door and downstairs. "Tonight Harry, tonight I'm giving you some potion, got it? You really can't go on like this, do you hear me."
"I hear you Sirius, but-I can't help it. It's like my mind just takes over and there's nothing I can do."
Sirius sighed, "Do you think you can hold anything down today?"
Harry nodded, "I just don't want to go all out on anything, when I do, like last night, I think of Remus and how drastically opposite everything is for him...can we just have cereal?"
"Of course Harry, of course."
They ate their cereal in silence and afterwards Harry went to sit outside in the sun. After a while Sirius came outside and joined him. "I have an idea for something that may take your mind of Remus, Harry."
Harry stared at Sirius, "What?"
"This is kind of a two birds with one stone thing, I think your legs still need to be strengthened a lot, so I'm going to train you to run."
"Train me...?"
Sirius nodded, "Before I went to Hogwarts I went to a muggle school where we had track, I learned all the skills needed to be an excellent runner. Once you get the basis down, running becomes more than just exercise, it's a form of relief...kind of like you can take your aggression out on the road, understand?"
Harry nodded, grinning slightly.
"When do we start?" Harry said, excited about getting something in his life that would take his mind elsewhere.
"Now if you like...I don't have anything I need to do. Why don't you go change into some gym shorts and a t-shirt."
"Alright," Harry said and got up to leave. Sirius, who was already dressed for a run, sat back and smiled to himself. He knew that this wouldn't be the solution to all of Harry's problems, but knew that there was a good chance that it would help him at least a little. Harry was back outside in no time, with an expression of expectation upon his tired face.
"Are you sure you're up for this Harry, you really look awfully tired."
"Yeah, I'm fine, lets do it."
"Okay," he said standing up, "First we have to stretch, especially you, because of the accident..." Sirius led Harry through enough exercises to stretch every muscle in the body.
"Good, you ready to start?"
Harry nodded, but looked a little worried.
"What, Harry?"
"Well...after last night, do you think I'll have enough balance not to fall again?"
"That's what we need to work on. Focus on that right now, not speed."
"Right," Harry said. Sirius broke into a slow jog, and Harry followed close behind. For Sirius, it was no problem, but Harry was huffing and puffing after the first three minutes. With occasional walking breaks, Harry and Sirius made there way deep into the wooded area beyond the house. They continued there run until they reached a small river. It was a beautiful, picturesque sight, and Sirius sat on a rock at the edge of the water, he took his sneakers and socks off and plunged his feet into the cool water. He motioned for Harry to do the same. Once he had, Sirius said, "When I first lived here with Moony, right after Hogwarts this is where I would come whenever everything became too much. Something about this area just calms me down no matter what kind of a mood I'm in. I want you to remember this place. Whenever shit becomes too much for you, and you don't feel like talking to me, come out here. It'll help you feel better."
Harry grinned at his godfather, "Thanks Sirius."
"Just remember though, if anything serious is happening you come to me, don't leave too much inside Harry, okay? Promise?"
"Yeah, I promise."
"Good," Sirius said, standing up. Harry stood as well and Sirius put his arm over his shoulders, and they walked leisurely back to the house.
The next day Sirius took Harry to get his stitches removed. The doctor seemed to be suspicious about the relationship between Harry and Sirius, especially after his previous talk with Sirius, but he didn't ask anymore questions and sent Harry home with a clean slate.
Harry's state improved as the days went on, and soon he was back to his normal self. He seemed to not worry about Remus at all anymore. September 1, was looming ahead, and Sirius was dreading it. Harry had been staying with him for over a month now and he wasn't ready to see his godson leave. They were as happy as could be considering their circumstances. That is, until a little talk they had three days before Harry returned to Hogwarts.
Harry and Sirius sat in the living room, discussing Harry's upcoming return to school and what he still needed to get for supplies. They got on the topic of a new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor and Harry started thinking about Remus.
Suddenly, he blurted, "I want to see him."
Sirius looked stunned for a moment and then said, "What?"
"Remus, I want to see him."
"Harry, I don't think that's the best idea."
"Why?"
"Harry, do you remember how long it took you to get over Remus getting taken away? You had visions of how he was being treated, and now you want to go see the real thing? Harry, what you see at Azkaban haunts you for the rest of your life. Five minutes in there you'll never forget. I'm not going to let something else into your head that's going to haunt you like that. No."
"Sirius, I'll be fine. Yeah, it took me awhile to get over it, but I'm fine now aren't I?"
Sirius looked at Harry calculatingly. "I really don't know if you're fine or not."
Harry ignored that statement and said, "I want to see him, Sirius...I miss him."
"I miss him too Harry, I miss him like he's dead! But seeing him the way he is now is not going to help, do you hear me? It'll just make the pain you feel for him ten times worse."
"I don't care...He's suffering there, he's lonely, he needs someone to visit him, and I want to see him! Why can't I just go? I already talked to Sorai, she said she'd take me. You know, he'd probably like to see you too, but since you're to scared...or selfish to go back there, I have to have Sorai take me...though it would mean much more I'm sure if you went!" Harry yelled scathingly.
Sirius stood up with a look of pain and anger on his face. "That is not fair Harry! You know what I went through in Azkaban, you know! How could you even say that? I'm not going, and you're not going either, for one reason: It will only make everything worse. You think Remus is going to want you to see him like that. Yeah, I bet he does miss us, more than we miss him, but he is NOT going to want you or me to see him like that. He doesn't like being looked at after the full moon...this is going to be SO much worse. God-Harry! Why can't you just trust me?"
"Because I think you're wrong."
"Well, you know what? I'm your godfather and I get to call the shots. You're not going and that's final!"
Harry's face was beat red in anger, he balled his fists and yelled, "Fine Sirius! Fine! But don't expect me to be happy now, okay? I need to see him...to make sure he's alright!" With that, Harry stormed up the stairs, went to his room and slammed the door. James gave a loud bark from the bed at the noise. He was now nearly full grown and took up half the bed. Harry went and sat next to him and he put his head on Harry's leg. Harry petted the dog's head and began to talk to him in a soft, much calmer voice, "He doesn't understand. I don't just want to see Remus to see him. I need to make sure he's alright, that he's still breathing. How can I make him see that? He just doesn't want me anywhere near Azkaban, I guess he's right that it will be dangerous...and I know I'm not going to like what I see...but it's something I have to do...and I'd like to do it before I go back to school."
The dog gave Harry a surprisingly sympathetic look. It was as though he had understood everything Harry had said, and that alone calmed Harry down a lot. He sat for a while gathering his thoughts, trying to think up a good defense for himself and then went to talk to Sirius again.
After the argument Sirius slammed his body down on the couch roughly. He couldn't believe what Harry had just said to him. Was he being selfish by not wanting to go back to Azkaban? No matter how he looked at it Sirius couldn't figure out how his feelings could be construed that way. He knew Remus would understand, and that's all that mattered to him. Sirius just didn't like having Harry so mad at him. He remembered times where he used to get that angry with his own father, and hoped he would never put any kid through that, but he just did. No matter how he looked at it Sirius couldn't find a good reason to let Harry go to Azkaban, so he decided to hold firm.
Sirius was still upset, however, and decided to take a run to his spot. He hurriedly through his sneakers off and sprinted out the back door.
Harry walked down stairs nearly a half an hour after Sirius left and searched the house. He noticed Sirius's shoes were gone, and knew instantly where he was. Quickly he threw his own shoes on and ran out in the direction of the river Sirius had shown him nearly a month ago. Harry's running had improved drastically with the help of Sirius. Everyday for the rest of the summer the two would take a long run. He was now as good as Sirius.
When the river came into view Harry stopped running. He looked around and saw Sirius sitting on a large rock with his head in his hands. Harry felt bad. He slowly walked towards where his godfather sat. When he reached a point, Sirius turned and looked at him with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry," Harry said.
"Me too," Sirius replied. Harry walked over and sat next to Sirius on the large rock. Sirius put his arm over Harry's shoulder.
"Do you really think I'm being selfish?"
Harry sighed and shook his head, "No...I was mad, I said whatever I could think of...I understand...But Sirius, I don't have anything like that. I can handle going to Azkaban for a little while. It's something I want to do...I need to do. I know you think I'm doing fine now, but I'm not. I need to make sure he's alright, I need to see it with my own eyes."
Sirius nodded and was quiet for quite a while. Harry decided it was best to keep quiet for that moment. Finally, Sirius looked at Harry and nodded his head.
Harry looked at him confused, "What?"
"You can go Harry, tomorrow...if Sorai can take you. But the last day before you leave you're mine, got it?"
Harry laughed and nodded, "Thanks, Sirius."
Sirius nodded. He still looked worried about the idea but decided that Harry was right, he needed to go. He needed some kind of closure with Remus.
"Are you ready to go back to the house?" Sirius asked Harry.
Harry nodded and stood, brushing dirt off his shorts. Sirius did the same and they walked back together, talking as though the earlier fight had never happened.
They both showered after that and then sat down together for dinner. "Sirius, did you like having visitors when you were in Azkaban?"
Sirius looked sadly at Harry and shook his head, "Harry, people didn't like me too much while I was in Azkaban...I only had one visitor while I was there...Remus. It wasn't pretty. He didn't like me very much then, either...I had never seen him that angry, and I haven't since. I tried to tell him the truth, but of course he didn't believe me. I would have liked visitor's though, Harry, yes."
"I'm sorry Sirius, I didn't think...that was a dumb question."
Sirius smiled at Harry, a sign that he really didn't mind the question.
The two spent the rest of the night watching old movies together. Around 1:00 AM Sirius yawned and said, "You have a big day tomorrow, you should get some sleep."
Harry agreed. He gave Sirius a hug and went up to bed, yawning as he walked.
Then, Sirius sat down and wrote a very long letter to his best friend, Moony.
A/N: There you have it, another chapter underway! Next chapter we'll see exactly how Remus is doing and maybe, but not definitely the Hogwarts Express will pull in. Please read and review...I should have a lot of free time this week, so you may not have to wait too long for the next chapter!