First things first, I'd like to apologize for the horrendous mistakes I
made in the last chapter. I wrote that before taking a run Harry through
(not threw) his sneakers off...umm yeah. I was having one of those days
when I wrote that. One of my friends asked me if I remembered to bring
home a book on AIM, and I responded, "Yes you did." I did a similar thing
to another friend, and to another friend wrote what I meant to write to one
of the others! It was such a confusing evening, I was not doing well with
words!!!
Second: The beginning of this chapter isn't very good at all, I was too excited to get Harry to Azkaban that I didn't do a very good job with the before stuff...My apologies!
BIG NEWS!!! Those who've been reading this story for a while will now that I had an absolute Remus look a like, who was a student teacher at my school, but he finished up like two months ago and I was SOOO sad!!! Well today I was in the Media Center at school, I turned in my seat, and guess who was there!!! The student teacher!!! He spent the whole day up in the media, so guess where I tried to be every minute of the day?!?! Awww, it was so great to see that guy again, I hope he comes back to visit some more...I don't really now why he was there, but I hope it lasts!!! He seriously was one of the major inspirations of this story. (It's now later in the week...haven't seen him since...but it was still nice to see him again!)
Tiger Lily: What won't be forever, this chapter? Thanks for loving my story : )
Moongirl: I will make Remus suffer as much as every other prisoner of Azkaban there ever was. Sorry puppy eyes won't help the chapters come out faster...I'm doing the best I can I swear! Life just gets in the way of fiction...
Moonlight: No glaring at the author! Hehe, so did you like the father/son conflict? I don't think I wrote it all that well, but it was fun to do. I always have the problem of giving up fights to easily in real life, and I think I do the same with my writing...I'd like to say that everyone will be okay, but I can't assure you of that. I know a few who will stay till the end, but who knows who else may go.
Ella: Thanks for the review...ugh you've reminded me of the DADA professor. I seriously have not yet decided who it will be. I think I'm going to make up a character because I really don't like fic's where its Arabella Figg or Mundungus Fletcher. Some people do it really well, but I don't want to. The final results of Moony won't be in for a while, so keep patient!
Kanzer: You thought that chapter was boring? It was one of my favorites to write so far...I don't know why. I can see how it would be boring though, don't be sorry! I like getting a little criticism now and then, or I get a little full of myself!
Ish-bob: First, I love your name! That's awesome! Second, do you not like these notes at the top? I don't expect readers to read them all, just the ones that are written to them. I know it takes up a lot of space but I feel like I have to respond to reviewers, I love when people respond to my reviews! Anyway, you're about to see Azkaban, I hope its not like your grandmother's house because that would be very, very sad. PLEASE tell me its not : ).
Lamina Court: Hope this wasn't too much of a wait. About the letter, I thought that since Sirius couldn't be there in presence, he should still be able to tell Remus what he's thinking. I did it to make both of them feel better. Trust me, I wouldn't hit Remus while he was already down, no way.
John: Thanks for the review! Excellent in every way, huh? That's what I like to hear!
Aeryn Alexander: LOL, it is pretty funny, people are all like "yay a trip to Azkaban" but I know what you mean. Hope I portrayed it well.
Wonder: Thank you SO much! Interesting, I shatter your heart but keep you sane at the same time...very interesting! I'm glad you liked that chapter, hope you like this one too. About the letter, the idea of one popped right into my head, but since I didn't want to show the contents in chapter 19 I waited till chapter 20, needless to say I forgot most of what I really wanted it to say, but I think over all it came out okay. Cool that your studying astronomy. I briefly thought of doing that, but have settled on medicine...that's what I'll be doing next year!
Padfoot1979: Lurlene McDaniel books are all the way depressing. I think maybe one out of all the millions that I've read had a happy ending. I think I just like being sad! I'm glad you're getting on the sea-saw with the characters, it's cool that I'm taking you readers on a ride with them!
Rhiain: This chapter is pretty sad, but I don't think its one that you readers will cry over. But then again, I never thought I'd really make anyone cry. And I'm glad you liked the fight...I liked writing it though I think I could have made it better.
Katie: LOL, you know I actually did forget about writing the part where Harry was mad at Remus, but I did remember eventually. When I wrote that it was the first fight scene I had I didn't think about it but I remembered after I put the story up...but that really was ages ago! The reason I skipped a month was because it would have got really, really boring. I didn't have anything happening that month so I would have had to go through what they did every single day, and that would have been really hard. Truth be told I missed writing about Remus, LOL. And you were right, I've got a lot of area to cover before Christmas comes in Potter land. Trust me, you don't want me to stretch this story too far. Have you ever read fics that never end? They get SOOO boring that you kind of just forget about them. I really hope I get this done before book 5 is released for two reasons 1) it would make the fic au in an instant 2) nobody will be reading fanfiction for at least three weeks. No, you're not a freak, fanfiction has become my world. I skip homework to do it, I even skipped going out with my friends once to read one story. I usually do pick my friends over it though. It's just such a good way to use up my excess time...which I'm beginning to have very little of. Now I've written you a whole lot of stuff here, keep reading and giving me long reviews!!!
A.Dee: About that recurring theme...when you get upset do you ever feel nauseous? I do, but I never get upset quite like Harry, so I figured if I did I'd throw up...and I have seen someone throw up because they were so upset, so I like to make it happen. It's better than just having him cry all the time right? Yeah, Harry has now been to Azkaban, hope you like his little voyage there. Thanks for reviewing!
Carolyn: You think Harry's being an ass? LOL, Harry wants to go because he misses Remus THAT much...Don't get yourself too worried, okay? I did actually consider doing some of the things you asked about, but they don't fit with my plan...I guess that should make you pretty happy.
Fairy Tale: Hey, hey, hey, Remus had to go to Azkaban...it was crucial! Hehe your review had me laughing. I'm glad to hear that I did a good job with the anger situation, you are the queen of anger the way you had Harry at the end of the final battle...btw I loved when he was in the room with Remus...anyway, you're right!!! You had to wait until this chapter to see what the letter says, people are curious about it which always gets me worried, I hope I did a good job! What's so funny about Pepto-Bismol? I don't get it...well I guess it would be kind of weird out of context but....Nope, I don't have an update schedule, though I should. For me some weeks are insanely busy and others are so boring I want to shoot myself, so I never really know how soon I'll have a chapter out. I try to get at least one a week. But now that I'm posting today, Friday, I may be able to get one out sooner, as it's the weekend! LOL, I definitely don't live in Paradise, try New Hampshire, USA. And I think its just that I have a very active imagination. I can see millions of people as Remus, and Sirius. (my old Remus came back!!!!). Thanks for reviewing!!!
Melissa Lupin: Have a little faith in Harry! Don't worry, I didn't have any chaos planned for that chapter, as you'll see. I hope you weren't expecting an action packed trip to Azkaban because this is not it. Thanks for reviewing though, I hope you like this!
Silver Sirius Girl: Thanks for the email! Cooler than the other side of the pillow huh? Thanks! I hope you keep reading the story. And if you do ever write a fanfic let me know, I'd love to read it!
Harry woke the morning of his trip to Azkaban with butterflies flying hyper- speed in the pit of his stomach. He hurriedly showered and dressed before meeting Sirius for breakfast, who looked just as nervous, if not more so. Very little conversation passed between the two during the meal. Sorai came down eventually as well, and ate her breakfast quickly. Before Sirius was ready, it was time for Harry and Sorai to go. They were to arrive at a time where the dementor's wouldn't be directly present, though they could still have their general affect.
"How are we getting there?" asked Harry with a slight tremor of fear in his voice.
Sirius replied, "I'm driving the two of you to the edge of the anti- apparation/portkey area. Then Sorai and you will portkey to the outskirts of Azkaban, from there you'll take a boat."
Harry nodded and they all walked to the door. Harry climbed in the backseat of the jeep and Sorai in the front with Sirius, and they drove off down the long driveway. They drove for at least ten minutes and then stopped at the edge of a road, cut off from everything and climbed out of the car. Sirius ignored his sister completely and took Harry by the shoulders, "Harry, this is going to be tough, I think you understand that, but I want you to be really careful. If it gets too much for you to take get yourself out of there immediately, alright? Now, while you're there I want you to do something. Give this to Remus," he said giving Harry the letter he had spent hours perfecting the night before.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
Sirius shook his head and said, "Never mind that, just give it to him and make sure he reads it. This could be life or death. I want you to tell him I'm really sorry, that I wish I could be there too. Tell him Harry."
"I will Sirius, don't worry. It'll all be fine."
"I hope so Harry."
"Sirius, we have to go or we're going to get the Dementor's," Sorai said impatiently.
Wrapping his arms around his godson Sirius whispered, "Good luck Harry, be careful...I love you."
"Love you too, Sirius," Harry replied, then pulled away and walked toward Sorai who was holding an empty fried chicken bucket.
"Grab on Harry," she muttered. Harry did just that and then felt the familiar catch behind his naval. In no time they halted and found themselves at the outskirts of an eerie forest, beside a large lake that was covered in a low haze. This alone freaked Harry out beyond belief. His teeth were chattering despite the 80 degree weather. Sorai didn't look at all scared, however. She muttered a spell under her breath and a boat appeared in front of them. Sorai pulled Harry to the boat and they both got in. Just like during his first trip to Hogwarts, the boat disembarked on its own and began steering itself. After a while, Harry began to see the outline of the Azkaban fortress. It wasn't really what Harry had expected, just four huge concrete walls, no windows at all. There was only a small area of beach surrounding the huge fortress, and no fences or anything else, but those concrete walls keeping the prisoners in.
Before Harry was ready, the boat halted in a sandy area just before the entrance to the prison. Harry took a very deep breath and stepped out of the boat, followed quickly by Sorai, who was for the first time that day looking nervous. Perhaps it was due to her own imprisonment with the Deatheaters and Voldemort. Whatever it was, it wasn't helping Harry cope with his own fear very well at all.
Sorai sighed, grabbed Harry's hand, and pulled him towards the large entrance to the fortress. It was really more like a hole in the wall than an entrance they noticed as they went in. They both stopped dead in there tracks when they passed into the fortress. It really was a living hell, only cold. Everything was concrete with metal bars. Dirt was everywhere, and there was a pungent odor that Harry knew he would never forget. It was what he expected rotting bodies to smell like. Harry scanned the large, open area they were currently in. The entire prison was one large room, separated into tiny cells containing nothing but a prisoner. They had no beds, no pillows, and no toilets. The prisoners lay shivering on the concrete floor, wearing filthy clothes, probably what they had been wearing the day they first arrived. Some of the prisoners were singing in slow sad tones, the words were discernable to Harry, but he could tell they were lyrics of sheer lunacy. He simply prayed that he wouldn't find Remus doing the same thing.
An old cranky wizard came out from behind a desk at the front of the prison. Harry found it surprising to see a desk of all things in a place such as that, but it was there.
"Whadya want?" he croaked angrily.
Sorai put her hand on Harry's shoulder and said firmly, "We're here to see Remus Lupin."
The old man looked surprised, "Da werewolf?! Wha' 'choo wanta see da werewolf fo'?"
"We're friends, and he's more than just a werewolf you know?" Sorai said indignantly.
"O' course...right this way. Da werewolf is kep' in da back so he don't get loose when da full moon comes." The old man started hobbling down a row of cells. Sorai and Harry followed. Harry couldn't help but stare at all the inmates in their horrid state. Never had Harry dreamed Azkaban would be this bad, even after seeing what Sirius had gone through. It was no wonder Sirius refused to go back.
Harry forced himself to stop looking at the prisoners, as he was beginning to feel nauseous. The deeper he went into the fortress, the more he felt the presence of the dementor's, though it was no where near the magnitude he had felt them at during his third year. It just gave him a chill, deep inside.
At last, they reached the back of the fortress. They turned right and walked a bit more, and Remus came into focus. Harry bit his lip as he continued to walk closer. Remus was either asleep or unconscious on the floor of his cell. He was covered from head to toe and dirt, and looked at least twenty pounds lighter than when Harry had last seen him. His hair was matted down from grease, and he had formed an equally greasy beard. Harry could have started crying then and there from the sight, but fought the urge.
The old man took out his wand and aimed it at Remus's cell, he muttered something and the door swung open. Harry and Sorai stepped inside and the old man quickly shut the door behind them and muttered another spell.
"I'll be back in fi'teen minutes, you be out just before da dementor's return."
Sorai watched the old man hobble off while Harry bent down and tried to wake Remus. He shook him slowly at first, but when that didn't work, he shook harder, though was gentle in case Remus was wounded in some way. When he still didn't wake up, Harry felt for a pulse. It was there, and fairly strong, which assured Harry greatly, though he was frustrated that he couldn't wake Remus.
He felt Sorai kneel next to them as well, she pulled out her wand, which Harry thought she probably shouldn't have, and enervated him. Remus's eyes slowly cracked open, but other than that it was like he was still asleep, that is until realization dawned on him. A shocked expression came over his face, and then a look of pure joy. Remus tried to sit up and speak, but was obviously in a lot of pain.
"Wha-what are y-you do-doing here?" he mumbled quietly. He hadn't said two words in a month, and it was obvious to Harry and Sorai.
Harry scooted closer to Remus and said, "I missed you so much Remus...I had to see you again before I went to Hogwarts."
"I-I missed y-you too H-Harry, m-more than you-you'll ever know," Remus stuttered before pulling Harry into a very shaky hug.
"A-and Sorai," he mumbled, pulling her into a hug as well.
Remus turned back to Harry, "How's P-Padfoot?"
"He's doing alright, he's sorry he couldn't come, he couldn't handle coming back here."
"I u-understand, t-tell him I d-don't mind...b-but I m-miss him a lot," Remus just barely managed to get all that out. Harry couldn't figure out the exact cause of the stutter. He knew it was either out of fear, pain, or cold. He reached out and grabbed Remus's filthy hand and found that it like ice. Harry had worn a sweatshirt around his waist, thinking the weather around Azkaban would be much cooler than at home. He pulled the sweatshirt off and stepped closer to Remus. He helped Remus put his head and arms through the appropriate holes and pull it down all the way.
"Th-th-thanks Harry," Remus said, looking down, ashamed.
"Remus...how...how has it been? Is it as bad as you thought?" Harry asked tentatively.
Harry was slightly happy to hear the stutter beginning to disappear from Remus's voice as his body heat began to rise. "It's worse than I e-ever imagined. It's so cold...and lonely...and the dementor's! I never knew they could get as bad as they do. They come in here, and it's a flood of pain, they really suck out every last bit of happiness left. It's going to be Hell when you leave."
"I wish we could take you with us Remus," Harry muttered sadly.
"But you can't...I have to stay here for what? Four more months? I think I can make it...after all, Sirius did twelve years."
"But Sirius didn't have to deal with the consequences of a full moon once every month, Remus. You have it so much worse than he did...I'm so sorry."
Remus nodded sadly. He was looking exhausted after just that little amount of time they had been there to visit. The little visit took a lot out of him physically and emotionally. A tear trekked down his grimy face, cleaning the dirt off in a little trail and then got lost in his beard. Harry threw his arms around him and pulled him into another hug, whispering apologies for something that wasn't even his fault. Remus just started bawling once in the hug. As he let it loose, his crying got worse. It hurt to cry, everything hurt. "I love you Remus," Harry said, hoping that of all things would make Remus feel better, and it did appear to have some affect on him. His tears slowed, and he wiped his face on the sleeve of the sweatshirt Harry had given him. Harry continued to hug him, long after the tears had stopped, and Remus clung to him as well, like a life raft while he was lost at sea.
"Please don't die Remus...stay strong...please." Harry muttered, squinting his eyes closed, and squeezing Remus even tighter.
"I'll try Harry...for you and for Sirius, I'll try with all my might. You two are my reason for living. I love you both so much...I miss you guys...so, so much. Don't forget about me."
"I'll never forget you Remus...never."
Remus nodded his head, pulled away from Harry, and tried to stand up. Harry helped him to his feet, and he stood quite wobbly in his small cell. At this point, Harry saw the full extent of Remus's injuries. Remus could barely stand up straight, there was clearly something wrong with his back, and perhaps his ribs as well. There appeared to be something wrong with his left leg too, but Harry didn't have time to figure out what it was, as the old man was approaching the cell.
Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter Sirius had written. "Sirius wrote this for you, he wanted me to make sure you got it and read it...don't ever let it out of your site, he said."
Remus nodded expectantly, again looking as happy as he did when he first realized that Harry and Sorai came to visit him.
"Time's up," the old man grumbled.
"Harry, I want you to do me a few things, okay?"
Harry nodded his head and Remus continued, "Tell Sirius that I miss him, and that I love him...he needs to hear that. I also want you to be good at school, don't get yourself into too much trouble...but have fun. Don't dwell on me Harry, I'll be alright. Finally, I want you to promise me that you won't come here again. I'm so happy, and grateful that you came today, but you're too young for this place. It is dark and dangerous and I don't want you here. It's not going to help you in anyway, promise me."
"I promise," Harry said nodding. Remus stumbled slightly and Harry reached out to help hold him up.
"Thank you Harry, remember I love you...never forget that. I'll see you in December." Remus reached forward and again enveloped Harry in a big hug.
"I love you too Remus...don't forget the letter, Sirius called it a matter of life and death."
Remus nodded and watched as Harry and Sorai were shooed out the door. The old man went one way and Remus and Sorai headed towards the entrance to the prison. Just as they were reaching that hole in the wall, Harry saw the Dementors filing out of an opening in the floor at the end of the prison. He quickly stepped fully out of the fortress. When he did, he heard blood curdling screams from inside, and flinched at the sound. Sorai and he climbed into the boat that was waiting for them and set off across the river.
Sorai put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched. "Are you okay, Harry?"
Harry shook his head, "No...but I will be." Sorai squeezed his shoulder and they continued on in silence. Once they reached the shore Sorai spoke again, "We're going to portkey to Diagon Ally, and floo home. I know that really sucks, but its better than walking all the way back to the house."
Harry nodded in agreement, not wanting to create a fuss and prolong the trip home. Sorai picked the chicken bucket off the ground and brought it towards Harry, he grabbed hold and was soon in the middle of the busy street of Diagon Ally. Sorai took the bucket and threw it in a near by trash can and they walked towards The Leaky Cauldron. Just as they approached the entrance, Harry heard a voice that made every nerve on his body shudder in annoyance.
"Hi Harry! How's your summer going? I can't believe that Sirius Black is innocent and now you're living with him! How long did you know he was innocent for huh? How come you never told anyone? I can't believe about Professor Lupin either! First we found out he's a werewolf, and now he's in Azkaban! Wow!"
Colin Creevey. Tension was growing in Harry after every question he asked, never letting Harry get a word in edgewise. When Colin mentioned Remus in Azkaban, and actually sounded excited about it, Harry couldn't take it anymore. He pulled back his arm, and socked Colin in the eye. Colin fell to the ground in pain and Harry rushed into The Leaky Cauldron, followed by a shocked Sorai.
"Harry! I can't believe you did that!"
Harry turned to her, sadness written all over his face, "I couldn't deal with that at the moment."
Sorai just nodded and put her arm over his shoulders and walked him towards the fireplace. "You first, Harry."
Harry nodded and grabbed some floo powder. Next thing he knew he was back home, where he belonged. Sirius jumped off the couch when Harry came shooting out of the fireplace. He took one look at his godson and knew things hadn't gone well. Harry didn't say a thing, just walked straight at Sirius, threw his arms around him and started sobbing. Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around him and just held him as he cried. Sirius knew this was going to happen, but didn't think it wise to say 'I told you so.' He knew that Harry would never regret going there that day.
Sorai popped in and saw the two hugging and decided to leave them be. She waved quickly at her brother and retreated to her room. When she was gone Sirius pulled Harry towards the couch and sat with him there. Harry cried for a good quarter of an hour before his eyes ran dry. For a while he just sat there, Sirius rubbing his back supportively. Then Sirius began to speak, "What happened Harry?"
Harry looked up at his godfather's kind face and said simply, "You were right."
"Care to elaborate," Sirius said gently.
Harry sighed, "It was awful Sirius...I never imagined a place could be THAT bad. And Remus was in really bad shape...He could barely stand on his own and he was so, so cold. I gave him my sweatshirt. Nothing really even happened...it was just so terrible. How did you survive twelve years there, Sirius?"
Sirius smiled genuinely at Harry and replied, "I thought of you Harry...you were what kept me going...and I think you'll be what keeps Rem going too."
Harry shook his head skeptically. "I'm serious Harry," Sirius said, seeing the look.
"It all just seemed so hopeless...if he's that bad after a month, than what about after two? Three? He still has four months Sirius!"
"Shhh, shhh, I know Harry, but you'd be surprised how much the mind can help...and I think that little letter I wrote might assist him a bit as well."
Harry looked curious about the letter but didn't ask anything, rather he asked something that had been on his mind since he first entered Azkaban, "Sirius...where do you go to the bathroom in Azkaban? I-I noticed there were no toilets."
Sirius reddened slightly. He really didn't want anyone to know that he had once had to do this, but thought Harry had the right to know. "You go right there in the cell, Harry. No privacy at all. And it all just sits there all day until old man Bob comes around an magic's it all away....except when he forgets."
Harry shook his head in disgust and sympathy.
"Remus wanted me to tell you something," Harry said suddenly remembering.
"What?" Sirius asked impatiently.
"He misses you a lot, and he loves you...he thought you needed to hear that."
"Bless his soul," Sirius muttered into Harry's hair as he pulled him into another hug. "He's the one who needs to hear that."
Harry nodded in agreement and then the two sat there together for nearly an hour, neither speaking at all.
After Harry and Sorai exited his cell, Remus couldn't bear to watch them leave. He quickly snapped his eyes away from them and stared at the wall behind him instead. He could feel that the Dementors were coming, and dreaded it. They were about to take a way the happy moment he had just experienced, and he wasn't ready to lose that just yet. Remus clenched his fists in sadness, and felt the letter that he was still holding in his hand. He quickly unfolded it and began to read.
Remus, Buddy, Brother,
I miss you so much, you can't even begin to imagine. I feel so responsible that it's you in there. It should be me. I want you to know that I love you Remus, and if anything should happen to you, I would never forget you. I'd spend the rest of my life missing you, and blaming myself. You truly are my brother Remus J. Lupin. Always remember that you are missed. You need to make it through this Remus, we can't make it without you. We're doing well now, but if you were gone for good, I just know that we'd all fall apart. You're vital Remus.
I'm writing this letter for more reasons then one. The first is to say what I've already said, and that I'm really sorry I wasn't able to come with Harry and Sorai. I trust you understand my reasons, but I feel like I should have overcome my fear and come to see you. I feel like I failed you. But if I know you like I think I know you, you're shaking your head as you read this and you truly understand my fear. The second reason I write is the most important Remus.
You can never let this letter out of your site. When the Dementors are around, they steal you're happy thoughts, but they can't steal your happy possessions. When they become too much just read this letter, and you'll make it through, they can't touch this. Remember, I love you. Harry loves you. Sorai loves you. You're missed, and we need you back here. Stay strong and you'll be okay. Good luck Remus.
I love you Moony,
Sirius
Tears of happiness streamed down Remus's face as he read the letter. Remus tensed as two Dementors drifted past his cell, until he remembered the letter. He looked at it over and over, and it did in fact lessen the effect the Dementors had on him. The feeling they brought didn't go away completely, but it was definitely lessened. A new ray of hope shown through to Remus that day.
Around dinner time, Harry was getting back to his usual self, though he was a little more subdued than usual. Sirius was happy to see, however, that he wasn't dwelling on what had happened like he had when Remus was first taken away. "Remus must have said something," Sirius thought, grinning proudly at Harry all through dinner.
"So Harry, only one more day and you're off to school. You gonna miss me?"
Harry smiled at him, "Of course I'll miss you. What am I going to do without seeing you everyday?" Harry turned slightly sad after this comment.
Sirius was looking a little misty eyed himself. "You'll do what every other teenager does, leave me here all alone, and come back not needing me anymore, and I'll grow old and gray missing little Harry."
Harry laughed and said, "That'll never happen. And you never knew me as little Harry anyway," Harry added, almost bitterly.
"I wish I had," Sirius replied softly.
Harry smiled, "I wish you had too...but I'm glad you do now...I'd be dead right now if it weren't for you."
"And vice versa, Harry."
"You'd only be dead because I would have killed you..."
"Well that, and I believe you conjured a very nice patronus for me...as well as stole a hippogriff so I could escape. You've done a lot for me Harry."
"Not as much as you've done for me," Harry replied.
"I haven't done much Harry, not much at all."
"Sirius, you've given me what I've always wanted...a family."
Sirius beamed at Harry, who beamed back at him.
Sighing happily, Sirius asked, "What do you want to do tonight?"
"I don't want to do anything...lets just sit in front of the TV like last night."
"Okay...but did you get all of your homework done?"
Harry rolled his eyes, "Yes, including the three rolls of parchment Snape assigned. It's all done."
"And you're sure we got all of your supplies?"
"Uh-huh," Harry said.
"Good, then TV it is. I get couch!" He yelled.
"No way, you got it last night! And I was stuck in that old chair with the hole in it!"
Sirius made a run for the living room, Harry broke into a jog behind him. They both flew for the couch and landed on it at the exact same time. They both shrugged and decided to share the couch. They ended up watching Seinfeld repeats until they were blue in the face from laughing about the show about nothing.
Harry ended up falling asleep, with his head propped up on Sirius's knee. This was no surprise after the draining day Harry had. Sirius was surprised he stayed awake as long as he did.
Over the past month Harry had finally reached the size and weight of a normal fifteen year old. Thanks to running, he was even beginning to get a little muscular. Thus, Sirius decided it would be impossible to move him and didn't want to risk bonking his head by levitating him up the stairs, so he decided to leave Harry there on the couch. He got a pillow for his head and a blanket and then left him there.
Sirius went up to his room, and fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. However, it wouldn't be a regular night at the Lupin Loft if something hadn't happened in the middle of the night. Tonight was a repeat performance of the night after Remus's trial. Sirius was woken by the racket Harry was making during one of his nightmares. He ran down the stairs just in time to see Harry roll right off the couch. This woke him. He immediately jumped to his feet and took a defensive stance. When he realized he was alone in the living room with Sirius he relaxed and fell back onto the couch.
"Another nightmare Harry?"
Harry sighed and nodded. "I really was trying to not let it get to me this time...I guess I failed."
"You didn't fail Harry," Sirius said plopping down beside Harry on the couch. "You can't help what you dream. What happened in this one?"
Harry had to think for a moment, "It was in Azkaban again, only this time it was the real Azkaban, not just my imagination."
Sirius interrupted. "So you're first dream wasn't what it really looked like? That's excellent Harry that means it wasn't a premonition."
Harry looked curiously at Sirius who elaborated, "In a premonition you see things that you never knew existed, the way they really are. If it was different in you dream than it wasn't a premonition, it's not going to come true."
"But...well...this one, it was the real thing."
Sirius put his arm over Harry's shoulder. "Tell me about it Harry."
"Well...like I said it was in Azkaban...Voldemort was there too. He was freeing all of his old followers, and then he went to Remus's cell. I was there with Remus...And Voldemort was...he was getting ready to kill Remus, and then me. He wanted Remus to go first, because he wanted me to die feeling guilty for his death. But I woke up just when Voldemort began saying the killing curse."
Sirius gripped Harry's shoulder supportively. "Was that all?"
Harry shook his head, "It was pretty gory. You know that old guy?"
Sirius nodded and Harry swallowed hard. "He had been killed in a more brutal way then the Avada Kedavra. I don't really know how they did it, but they hung him from the top of a cell...dripping blood. It was a terrible sight." Harry shivered as he relived that image.
"Did your scar hurt at all during the dream?"
Harry shook his head.
"Good, from what Dumbledore has told me that's a good sign that Voldemort's not actually planning to do that. I think what's going on right now is just normal dreaming. It really sucks that they're so brutal though. I wish you didn't have to deal with this Harry."
"Me too," Harry said letting out a deep breath, "My life sucks."
Sirius's head swiveled immediately towards Harry, his face a mixture of pain and pity. "Harry...I thought you were happy...happier now."
Harry grinned sadly, "Let me rephrase. I am happy...so much more happy than I was before. I have a home now. But...I just wish...I just wish I wasn't me. I wish I never had to see the things I've seen, never had to do the things I've done. I'm only fifteen and already I've defeated Voldemort, stopped Voldemort from getting the Sorcerers Stone, killed a Basilisk, and dueled with Voldemort. I had to watch a fellow student die...And then I finally get everything just the way I want it and first you were in jeopardy, and then Remus went to prison...it just all sucks so much. It's the reason I have the dreams I do...no one else dreams like that."
Sirius looked almost defeated. He shook his head and muttered, "I'm so, so sorry Harry."
"God, Sirius, it's not your fault. You couldn't have prevented any of it...I am the famous Harry Potter, the boy who lived. There's nothing anyone can do to change that."
"I just wish-I wish you were happy being Harry Potter. You would have been, you know? If your parents were never killed, you'd be the happiest kid on the block. I know it."
"Well, I'm really happy here with you and...and Remus. Its just, you know, hard."
Sirius nodded sadly. "Why don't you go back to bed Harry? You need rest."
"I don't think I'll be able to sleep Sirius."
"But you need to try. Remember last time?"
Harry sighed deeply and nodded his head. Sirius stood and pulled Harry off the couch and they both walked upstairs and went to their respective rooms. It took a while, but Harry did eventually find his way back to his room. The next day Harry and Sirius had the fun day together they had planned on. They played quidditch, chess, exploding snap, anything that would keep them from thinking of the sad and depressing things. When the day was almost over, Sirius again tried getting Harry to eat pizza. He ordered a large pepperoni and set it in front of Harry, who looked slightly grim at the site.
"This is a test Harry," Sirius said as Harry stared forebodingly at the pizza.
Harry nodded and picked up a slice. He took a real bite this time, chewed for a bit and smiled. He then devoured the slice. Sirius laughed at him and started on his own. The two of them almost polished off the entire pizza in fifteen minutes. After that they sat back in their chairs and relaxed.
Sirius had something on his mind that he had to talk to Harry about, but didn't want to seem too parental. He couldn't help himself though and said, "Sorai told me what happened in Diagon Ally yesterday, Harry."
Harry looked down and sighed, "I couldn't help it Sirius."
"What exactly was the problem?"
"Did you ever have anyone around you that just drove you mad? Shoots you with thousands of questions that you don't want to talk about and won't even give you time to answer? Someone who follows you with a camera like the paparazzi? Someone who just thinks you're the greatest thing when you just want to be normal?"
"Yeah actually. While we were at Hogwarts there was this kid who hero- worshiped us Marauders. He took pictures of us and wanted them signed...God he was annoying. Creevy* was his name I think."
Harry's jaw dropped. "You're joking right?"
Sirius looked confused, "No...why?"
"Colin Creevy, the kid in Diagon Ally."
Sirius started laughing hysterically, "Are you serious? That's classic! I can't believe that kid actually found a girl! Kid must be just like him."
Harry didn't find it so amusing and glared at Sirius.
When Sirius finally contained himself he looked seriously at Harry. "The point is you shouldn't have hit him Harry. No matter how annoying the kid gets you have no right to give him a black eye."
"He's probably happy I gave him a black eye Sirius. He probably took a picture of it and wants it signed."
"I don't care Harry. You know not to hit people...I know you do. Maybe you can hit that Malfoy kid, but that's it," Sirius quipped.
"I didn't mean to hit him Sirius. It just happened, you know?"
"Yeah, I know, and you were under a lot of stress just then. But you need to learn to control your temper in all sorts of situations...or...or you'll end up like me." Sirius said the last part rather ashamed.
"Who wouldn't want to end up like you...you're so fun."
"Harry, I spent twelve years of my life in Azkaban, that's not exactly success."
"But you're fine now."
"Yeah, but I would be a whole lot better if I never went there...if I could have controlled my anger towards Peter. I don't want to see anything like that happen to you Harry."
"I won't let it...don't worry."
"Okay, but I want you to apologize to this Creevy kid tomorrow. My guess is that fist won't have stopped him. He's going to be the same old Creevy."
"Great," Harry muttered.
"Will you apologize?"
Harry nodded although he really didn't want to, but he saw where Sirius was coming from.
They both went to bed early that night, as they had to get up early the next day to get ready to meet the train. Sirius was the first one up September 1st, and he had overslept. When he realized the time, he jumped out of bed in just his boxers and ran to Harry's room to find him sound asleep, using James as a pillow. He shook Harry and yelled, "Harry time to get up!"
Harry woke with a start, glared at Sirius and mumbled incoherent things.
"Harry, it's 10:30 we have to be at the train station in an hour and a half...you haven't even packed! Get your butt out of bed!"
Harry rolled his legs off the bed and stood up. He slowly walked towards the bathroom and got in the shower. That was what he needed to wake up fully. While he was doing that Sirius (who was still in just his boxers) was in a frenzy flying clothes around the room with his wand, trying to get everything Harry would need in his trunk. He realized Harry hadn't taken any clean clothes with him to the bathroom, so he flew some to him, to speed the process. Once Sirius had almost everything packed away Harry came striding into the room.
"I have most of your stuff already packed away Harry, look around see if there's anything else you want to bring."
Harry searched his closet and under his bed but found nothing that he cared to bring. He knew it would all be here as good as new when he got back. Sirius seemed to have thought of everything Harry would want to have with him, including the photo album of his parents.
"That's everything," Harry said sadly, sitting on his bed and looking around his room. He was really going to miss it all.
"You okay bud?" Sirius asked sitting beside him.
"I'm just going to miss all this...for the first time I'm not going to my home, I'm leaving it...its kind of weird."
Sirius smiled at him and then stood again, "We really have to go now Harry, no time for breakfast, but I'll give you some money for on the train, okay? Now lets go." He levitated Harry's trunk and steered it downstairs to the front door. He grabbed the keys from the counter and started opening the door when he saw Harry grinning at him.
"What?"
"You're going to go in that? I'm sorry but...I really don't want to be seen with you like that."
Sirius looked down at himself and actually blushed. "Damn, I thought it was cold."
Harry laughed at him.
"Harry, all the girls would flock to you if I went like this."
"No, I think they'd be scared."
Sirius glared at Harry who could only laugh harder at him. He grabbed his wand and flicked it at himself and was then fully clothed in khakis and a polo shirt.
"That better?"
Harry nodded and walked out the door. Sirius followed, still levitating the trunk in front of him. They got in the jeep quickly and Sirius began driving down the driveway. Just as they were about to turn onto the main road Harry turned around and looked sadly back at the house that had so quickly become his home. He hadn't even arrived at Hogwarts yet, but he already couldn't wait for the Christmas Holiday when he could return to the Lupin Loft.
*I'm thinking Creevy may have been a muggle born, but I can't really remember for sure, anyways, for this story he's not...I mean, his brothers a wizard too, he must me pureblood right?
A/N: Another one down! Did you like it? Please tell me by reviewing right now...I beg you! Next chapter it'll be bye, bye Sirius... : ( My goal is to have the next chapter up by next Wednesday, but I have a ski meet this week, so I may not have the time. I'll try my hardest though!
Second: The beginning of this chapter isn't very good at all, I was too excited to get Harry to Azkaban that I didn't do a very good job with the before stuff...My apologies!
BIG NEWS!!! Those who've been reading this story for a while will now that I had an absolute Remus look a like, who was a student teacher at my school, but he finished up like two months ago and I was SOOO sad!!! Well today I was in the Media Center at school, I turned in my seat, and guess who was there!!! The student teacher!!! He spent the whole day up in the media, so guess where I tried to be every minute of the day?!?! Awww, it was so great to see that guy again, I hope he comes back to visit some more...I don't really now why he was there, but I hope it lasts!!! He seriously was one of the major inspirations of this story. (It's now later in the week...haven't seen him since...but it was still nice to see him again!)
Tiger Lily: What won't be forever, this chapter? Thanks for loving my story : )
Moongirl: I will make Remus suffer as much as every other prisoner of Azkaban there ever was. Sorry puppy eyes won't help the chapters come out faster...I'm doing the best I can I swear! Life just gets in the way of fiction...
Moonlight: No glaring at the author! Hehe, so did you like the father/son conflict? I don't think I wrote it all that well, but it was fun to do. I always have the problem of giving up fights to easily in real life, and I think I do the same with my writing...I'd like to say that everyone will be okay, but I can't assure you of that. I know a few who will stay till the end, but who knows who else may go.
Ella: Thanks for the review...ugh you've reminded me of the DADA professor. I seriously have not yet decided who it will be. I think I'm going to make up a character because I really don't like fic's where its Arabella Figg or Mundungus Fletcher. Some people do it really well, but I don't want to. The final results of Moony won't be in for a while, so keep patient!
Kanzer: You thought that chapter was boring? It was one of my favorites to write so far...I don't know why. I can see how it would be boring though, don't be sorry! I like getting a little criticism now and then, or I get a little full of myself!
Ish-bob: First, I love your name! That's awesome! Second, do you not like these notes at the top? I don't expect readers to read them all, just the ones that are written to them. I know it takes up a lot of space but I feel like I have to respond to reviewers, I love when people respond to my reviews! Anyway, you're about to see Azkaban, I hope its not like your grandmother's house because that would be very, very sad. PLEASE tell me its not : ).
Lamina Court: Hope this wasn't too much of a wait. About the letter, I thought that since Sirius couldn't be there in presence, he should still be able to tell Remus what he's thinking. I did it to make both of them feel better. Trust me, I wouldn't hit Remus while he was already down, no way.
John: Thanks for the review! Excellent in every way, huh? That's what I like to hear!
Aeryn Alexander: LOL, it is pretty funny, people are all like "yay a trip to Azkaban" but I know what you mean. Hope I portrayed it well.
Wonder: Thank you SO much! Interesting, I shatter your heart but keep you sane at the same time...very interesting! I'm glad you liked that chapter, hope you like this one too. About the letter, the idea of one popped right into my head, but since I didn't want to show the contents in chapter 19 I waited till chapter 20, needless to say I forgot most of what I really wanted it to say, but I think over all it came out okay. Cool that your studying astronomy. I briefly thought of doing that, but have settled on medicine...that's what I'll be doing next year!
Padfoot1979: Lurlene McDaniel books are all the way depressing. I think maybe one out of all the millions that I've read had a happy ending. I think I just like being sad! I'm glad you're getting on the sea-saw with the characters, it's cool that I'm taking you readers on a ride with them!
Rhiain: This chapter is pretty sad, but I don't think its one that you readers will cry over. But then again, I never thought I'd really make anyone cry. And I'm glad you liked the fight...I liked writing it though I think I could have made it better.
Katie: LOL, you know I actually did forget about writing the part where Harry was mad at Remus, but I did remember eventually. When I wrote that it was the first fight scene I had I didn't think about it but I remembered after I put the story up...but that really was ages ago! The reason I skipped a month was because it would have got really, really boring. I didn't have anything happening that month so I would have had to go through what they did every single day, and that would have been really hard. Truth be told I missed writing about Remus, LOL. And you were right, I've got a lot of area to cover before Christmas comes in Potter land. Trust me, you don't want me to stretch this story too far. Have you ever read fics that never end? They get SOOO boring that you kind of just forget about them. I really hope I get this done before book 5 is released for two reasons 1) it would make the fic au in an instant 2) nobody will be reading fanfiction for at least three weeks. No, you're not a freak, fanfiction has become my world. I skip homework to do it, I even skipped going out with my friends once to read one story. I usually do pick my friends over it though. It's just such a good way to use up my excess time...which I'm beginning to have very little of. Now I've written you a whole lot of stuff here, keep reading and giving me long reviews!!!
A.Dee: About that recurring theme...when you get upset do you ever feel nauseous? I do, but I never get upset quite like Harry, so I figured if I did I'd throw up...and I have seen someone throw up because they were so upset, so I like to make it happen. It's better than just having him cry all the time right? Yeah, Harry has now been to Azkaban, hope you like his little voyage there. Thanks for reviewing!
Carolyn: You think Harry's being an ass? LOL, Harry wants to go because he misses Remus THAT much...Don't get yourself too worried, okay? I did actually consider doing some of the things you asked about, but they don't fit with my plan...I guess that should make you pretty happy.
Fairy Tale: Hey, hey, hey, Remus had to go to Azkaban...it was crucial! Hehe your review had me laughing. I'm glad to hear that I did a good job with the anger situation, you are the queen of anger the way you had Harry at the end of the final battle...btw I loved when he was in the room with Remus...anyway, you're right!!! You had to wait until this chapter to see what the letter says, people are curious about it which always gets me worried, I hope I did a good job! What's so funny about Pepto-Bismol? I don't get it...well I guess it would be kind of weird out of context but....Nope, I don't have an update schedule, though I should. For me some weeks are insanely busy and others are so boring I want to shoot myself, so I never really know how soon I'll have a chapter out. I try to get at least one a week. But now that I'm posting today, Friday, I may be able to get one out sooner, as it's the weekend! LOL, I definitely don't live in Paradise, try New Hampshire, USA. And I think its just that I have a very active imagination. I can see millions of people as Remus, and Sirius. (my old Remus came back!!!!). Thanks for reviewing!!!
Melissa Lupin: Have a little faith in Harry! Don't worry, I didn't have any chaos planned for that chapter, as you'll see. I hope you weren't expecting an action packed trip to Azkaban because this is not it. Thanks for reviewing though, I hope you like this!
Silver Sirius Girl: Thanks for the email! Cooler than the other side of the pillow huh? Thanks! I hope you keep reading the story. And if you do ever write a fanfic let me know, I'd love to read it!
Harry woke the morning of his trip to Azkaban with butterflies flying hyper- speed in the pit of his stomach. He hurriedly showered and dressed before meeting Sirius for breakfast, who looked just as nervous, if not more so. Very little conversation passed between the two during the meal. Sorai came down eventually as well, and ate her breakfast quickly. Before Sirius was ready, it was time for Harry and Sorai to go. They were to arrive at a time where the dementor's wouldn't be directly present, though they could still have their general affect.
"How are we getting there?" asked Harry with a slight tremor of fear in his voice.
Sirius replied, "I'm driving the two of you to the edge of the anti- apparation/portkey area. Then Sorai and you will portkey to the outskirts of Azkaban, from there you'll take a boat."
Harry nodded and they all walked to the door. Harry climbed in the backseat of the jeep and Sorai in the front with Sirius, and they drove off down the long driveway. They drove for at least ten minutes and then stopped at the edge of a road, cut off from everything and climbed out of the car. Sirius ignored his sister completely and took Harry by the shoulders, "Harry, this is going to be tough, I think you understand that, but I want you to be really careful. If it gets too much for you to take get yourself out of there immediately, alright? Now, while you're there I want you to do something. Give this to Remus," he said giving Harry the letter he had spent hours perfecting the night before.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
Sirius shook his head and said, "Never mind that, just give it to him and make sure he reads it. This could be life or death. I want you to tell him I'm really sorry, that I wish I could be there too. Tell him Harry."
"I will Sirius, don't worry. It'll all be fine."
"I hope so Harry."
"Sirius, we have to go or we're going to get the Dementor's," Sorai said impatiently.
Wrapping his arms around his godson Sirius whispered, "Good luck Harry, be careful...I love you."
"Love you too, Sirius," Harry replied, then pulled away and walked toward Sorai who was holding an empty fried chicken bucket.
"Grab on Harry," she muttered. Harry did just that and then felt the familiar catch behind his naval. In no time they halted and found themselves at the outskirts of an eerie forest, beside a large lake that was covered in a low haze. This alone freaked Harry out beyond belief. His teeth were chattering despite the 80 degree weather. Sorai didn't look at all scared, however. She muttered a spell under her breath and a boat appeared in front of them. Sorai pulled Harry to the boat and they both got in. Just like during his first trip to Hogwarts, the boat disembarked on its own and began steering itself. After a while, Harry began to see the outline of the Azkaban fortress. It wasn't really what Harry had expected, just four huge concrete walls, no windows at all. There was only a small area of beach surrounding the huge fortress, and no fences or anything else, but those concrete walls keeping the prisoners in.
Before Harry was ready, the boat halted in a sandy area just before the entrance to the prison. Harry took a very deep breath and stepped out of the boat, followed quickly by Sorai, who was for the first time that day looking nervous. Perhaps it was due to her own imprisonment with the Deatheaters and Voldemort. Whatever it was, it wasn't helping Harry cope with his own fear very well at all.
Sorai sighed, grabbed Harry's hand, and pulled him towards the large entrance to the fortress. It was really more like a hole in the wall than an entrance they noticed as they went in. They both stopped dead in there tracks when they passed into the fortress. It really was a living hell, only cold. Everything was concrete with metal bars. Dirt was everywhere, and there was a pungent odor that Harry knew he would never forget. It was what he expected rotting bodies to smell like. Harry scanned the large, open area they were currently in. The entire prison was one large room, separated into tiny cells containing nothing but a prisoner. They had no beds, no pillows, and no toilets. The prisoners lay shivering on the concrete floor, wearing filthy clothes, probably what they had been wearing the day they first arrived. Some of the prisoners were singing in slow sad tones, the words were discernable to Harry, but he could tell they were lyrics of sheer lunacy. He simply prayed that he wouldn't find Remus doing the same thing.
An old cranky wizard came out from behind a desk at the front of the prison. Harry found it surprising to see a desk of all things in a place such as that, but it was there.
"Whadya want?" he croaked angrily.
Sorai put her hand on Harry's shoulder and said firmly, "We're here to see Remus Lupin."
The old man looked surprised, "Da werewolf?! Wha' 'choo wanta see da werewolf fo'?"
"We're friends, and he's more than just a werewolf you know?" Sorai said indignantly.
"O' course...right this way. Da werewolf is kep' in da back so he don't get loose when da full moon comes." The old man started hobbling down a row of cells. Sorai and Harry followed. Harry couldn't help but stare at all the inmates in their horrid state. Never had Harry dreamed Azkaban would be this bad, even after seeing what Sirius had gone through. It was no wonder Sirius refused to go back.
Harry forced himself to stop looking at the prisoners, as he was beginning to feel nauseous. The deeper he went into the fortress, the more he felt the presence of the dementor's, though it was no where near the magnitude he had felt them at during his third year. It just gave him a chill, deep inside.
At last, they reached the back of the fortress. They turned right and walked a bit more, and Remus came into focus. Harry bit his lip as he continued to walk closer. Remus was either asleep or unconscious on the floor of his cell. He was covered from head to toe and dirt, and looked at least twenty pounds lighter than when Harry had last seen him. His hair was matted down from grease, and he had formed an equally greasy beard. Harry could have started crying then and there from the sight, but fought the urge.
The old man took out his wand and aimed it at Remus's cell, he muttered something and the door swung open. Harry and Sorai stepped inside and the old man quickly shut the door behind them and muttered another spell.
"I'll be back in fi'teen minutes, you be out just before da dementor's return."
Sorai watched the old man hobble off while Harry bent down and tried to wake Remus. He shook him slowly at first, but when that didn't work, he shook harder, though was gentle in case Remus was wounded in some way. When he still didn't wake up, Harry felt for a pulse. It was there, and fairly strong, which assured Harry greatly, though he was frustrated that he couldn't wake Remus.
He felt Sorai kneel next to them as well, she pulled out her wand, which Harry thought she probably shouldn't have, and enervated him. Remus's eyes slowly cracked open, but other than that it was like he was still asleep, that is until realization dawned on him. A shocked expression came over his face, and then a look of pure joy. Remus tried to sit up and speak, but was obviously in a lot of pain.
"Wha-what are y-you do-doing here?" he mumbled quietly. He hadn't said two words in a month, and it was obvious to Harry and Sorai.
Harry scooted closer to Remus and said, "I missed you so much Remus...I had to see you again before I went to Hogwarts."
"I-I missed y-you too H-Harry, m-more than you-you'll ever know," Remus stuttered before pulling Harry into a very shaky hug.
"A-and Sorai," he mumbled, pulling her into a hug as well.
Remus turned back to Harry, "How's P-Padfoot?"
"He's doing alright, he's sorry he couldn't come, he couldn't handle coming back here."
"I u-understand, t-tell him I d-don't mind...b-but I m-miss him a lot," Remus just barely managed to get all that out. Harry couldn't figure out the exact cause of the stutter. He knew it was either out of fear, pain, or cold. He reached out and grabbed Remus's filthy hand and found that it like ice. Harry had worn a sweatshirt around his waist, thinking the weather around Azkaban would be much cooler than at home. He pulled the sweatshirt off and stepped closer to Remus. He helped Remus put his head and arms through the appropriate holes and pull it down all the way.
"Th-th-thanks Harry," Remus said, looking down, ashamed.
"Remus...how...how has it been? Is it as bad as you thought?" Harry asked tentatively.
Harry was slightly happy to hear the stutter beginning to disappear from Remus's voice as his body heat began to rise. "It's worse than I e-ever imagined. It's so cold...and lonely...and the dementor's! I never knew they could get as bad as they do. They come in here, and it's a flood of pain, they really suck out every last bit of happiness left. It's going to be Hell when you leave."
"I wish we could take you with us Remus," Harry muttered sadly.
"But you can't...I have to stay here for what? Four more months? I think I can make it...after all, Sirius did twelve years."
"But Sirius didn't have to deal with the consequences of a full moon once every month, Remus. You have it so much worse than he did...I'm so sorry."
Remus nodded sadly. He was looking exhausted after just that little amount of time they had been there to visit. The little visit took a lot out of him physically and emotionally. A tear trekked down his grimy face, cleaning the dirt off in a little trail and then got lost in his beard. Harry threw his arms around him and pulled him into another hug, whispering apologies for something that wasn't even his fault. Remus just started bawling once in the hug. As he let it loose, his crying got worse. It hurt to cry, everything hurt. "I love you Remus," Harry said, hoping that of all things would make Remus feel better, and it did appear to have some affect on him. His tears slowed, and he wiped his face on the sleeve of the sweatshirt Harry had given him. Harry continued to hug him, long after the tears had stopped, and Remus clung to him as well, like a life raft while he was lost at sea.
"Please don't die Remus...stay strong...please." Harry muttered, squinting his eyes closed, and squeezing Remus even tighter.
"I'll try Harry...for you and for Sirius, I'll try with all my might. You two are my reason for living. I love you both so much...I miss you guys...so, so much. Don't forget about me."
"I'll never forget you Remus...never."
Remus nodded his head, pulled away from Harry, and tried to stand up. Harry helped him to his feet, and he stood quite wobbly in his small cell. At this point, Harry saw the full extent of Remus's injuries. Remus could barely stand up straight, there was clearly something wrong with his back, and perhaps his ribs as well. There appeared to be something wrong with his left leg too, but Harry didn't have time to figure out what it was, as the old man was approaching the cell.
Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter Sirius had written. "Sirius wrote this for you, he wanted me to make sure you got it and read it...don't ever let it out of your site, he said."
Remus nodded expectantly, again looking as happy as he did when he first realized that Harry and Sorai came to visit him.
"Time's up," the old man grumbled.
"Harry, I want you to do me a few things, okay?"
Harry nodded his head and Remus continued, "Tell Sirius that I miss him, and that I love him...he needs to hear that. I also want you to be good at school, don't get yourself into too much trouble...but have fun. Don't dwell on me Harry, I'll be alright. Finally, I want you to promise me that you won't come here again. I'm so happy, and grateful that you came today, but you're too young for this place. It is dark and dangerous and I don't want you here. It's not going to help you in anyway, promise me."
"I promise," Harry said nodding. Remus stumbled slightly and Harry reached out to help hold him up.
"Thank you Harry, remember I love you...never forget that. I'll see you in December." Remus reached forward and again enveloped Harry in a big hug.
"I love you too Remus...don't forget the letter, Sirius called it a matter of life and death."
Remus nodded and watched as Harry and Sorai were shooed out the door. The old man went one way and Remus and Sorai headed towards the entrance to the prison. Just as they were reaching that hole in the wall, Harry saw the Dementors filing out of an opening in the floor at the end of the prison. He quickly stepped fully out of the fortress. When he did, he heard blood curdling screams from inside, and flinched at the sound. Sorai and he climbed into the boat that was waiting for them and set off across the river.
Sorai put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched. "Are you okay, Harry?"
Harry shook his head, "No...but I will be." Sorai squeezed his shoulder and they continued on in silence. Once they reached the shore Sorai spoke again, "We're going to portkey to Diagon Ally, and floo home. I know that really sucks, but its better than walking all the way back to the house."
Harry nodded in agreement, not wanting to create a fuss and prolong the trip home. Sorai picked the chicken bucket off the ground and brought it towards Harry, he grabbed hold and was soon in the middle of the busy street of Diagon Ally. Sorai took the bucket and threw it in a near by trash can and they walked towards The Leaky Cauldron. Just as they approached the entrance, Harry heard a voice that made every nerve on his body shudder in annoyance.
"Hi Harry! How's your summer going? I can't believe that Sirius Black is innocent and now you're living with him! How long did you know he was innocent for huh? How come you never told anyone? I can't believe about Professor Lupin either! First we found out he's a werewolf, and now he's in Azkaban! Wow!"
Colin Creevey. Tension was growing in Harry after every question he asked, never letting Harry get a word in edgewise. When Colin mentioned Remus in Azkaban, and actually sounded excited about it, Harry couldn't take it anymore. He pulled back his arm, and socked Colin in the eye. Colin fell to the ground in pain and Harry rushed into The Leaky Cauldron, followed by a shocked Sorai.
"Harry! I can't believe you did that!"
Harry turned to her, sadness written all over his face, "I couldn't deal with that at the moment."
Sorai just nodded and put her arm over his shoulders and walked him towards the fireplace. "You first, Harry."
Harry nodded and grabbed some floo powder. Next thing he knew he was back home, where he belonged. Sirius jumped off the couch when Harry came shooting out of the fireplace. He took one look at his godson and knew things hadn't gone well. Harry didn't say a thing, just walked straight at Sirius, threw his arms around him and started sobbing. Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around him and just held him as he cried. Sirius knew this was going to happen, but didn't think it wise to say 'I told you so.' He knew that Harry would never regret going there that day.
Sorai popped in and saw the two hugging and decided to leave them be. She waved quickly at her brother and retreated to her room. When she was gone Sirius pulled Harry towards the couch and sat with him there. Harry cried for a good quarter of an hour before his eyes ran dry. For a while he just sat there, Sirius rubbing his back supportively. Then Sirius began to speak, "What happened Harry?"
Harry looked up at his godfather's kind face and said simply, "You were right."
"Care to elaborate," Sirius said gently.
Harry sighed, "It was awful Sirius...I never imagined a place could be THAT bad. And Remus was in really bad shape...He could barely stand on his own and he was so, so cold. I gave him my sweatshirt. Nothing really even happened...it was just so terrible. How did you survive twelve years there, Sirius?"
Sirius smiled genuinely at Harry and replied, "I thought of you Harry...you were what kept me going...and I think you'll be what keeps Rem going too."
Harry shook his head skeptically. "I'm serious Harry," Sirius said, seeing the look.
"It all just seemed so hopeless...if he's that bad after a month, than what about after two? Three? He still has four months Sirius!"
"Shhh, shhh, I know Harry, but you'd be surprised how much the mind can help...and I think that little letter I wrote might assist him a bit as well."
Harry looked curious about the letter but didn't ask anything, rather he asked something that had been on his mind since he first entered Azkaban, "Sirius...where do you go to the bathroom in Azkaban? I-I noticed there were no toilets."
Sirius reddened slightly. He really didn't want anyone to know that he had once had to do this, but thought Harry had the right to know. "You go right there in the cell, Harry. No privacy at all. And it all just sits there all day until old man Bob comes around an magic's it all away....except when he forgets."
Harry shook his head in disgust and sympathy.
"Remus wanted me to tell you something," Harry said suddenly remembering.
"What?" Sirius asked impatiently.
"He misses you a lot, and he loves you...he thought you needed to hear that."
"Bless his soul," Sirius muttered into Harry's hair as he pulled him into another hug. "He's the one who needs to hear that."
Harry nodded in agreement and then the two sat there together for nearly an hour, neither speaking at all.
After Harry and Sorai exited his cell, Remus couldn't bear to watch them leave. He quickly snapped his eyes away from them and stared at the wall behind him instead. He could feel that the Dementors were coming, and dreaded it. They were about to take a way the happy moment he had just experienced, and he wasn't ready to lose that just yet. Remus clenched his fists in sadness, and felt the letter that he was still holding in his hand. He quickly unfolded it and began to read.
Remus, Buddy, Brother,
I miss you so much, you can't even begin to imagine. I feel so responsible that it's you in there. It should be me. I want you to know that I love you Remus, and if anything should happen to you, I would never forget you. I'd spend the rest of my life missing you, and blaming myself. You truly are my brother Remus J. Lupin. Always remember that you are missed. You need to make it through this Remus, we can't make it without you. We're doing well now, but if you were gone for good, I just know that we'd all fall apart. You're vital Remus.
I'm writing this letter for more reasons then one. The first is to say what I've already said, and that I'm really sorry I wasn't able to come with Harry and Sorai. I trust you understand my reasons, but I feel like I should have overcome my fear and come to see you. I feel like I failed you. But if I know you like I think I know you, you're shaking your head as you read this and you truly understand my fear. The second reason I write is the most important Remus.
You can never let this letter out of your site. When the Dementors are around, they steal you're happy thoughts, but they can't steal your happy possessions. When they become too much just read this letter, and you'll make it through, they can't touch this. Remember, I love you. Harry loves you. Sorai loves you. You're missed, and we need you back here. Stay strong and you'll be okay. Good luck Remus.
I love you Moony,
Sirius
Tears of happiness streamed down Remus's face as he read the letter. Remus tensed as two Dementors drifted past his cell, until he remembered the letter. He looked at it over and over, and it did in fact lessen the effect the Dementors had on him. The feeling they brought didn't go away completely, but it was definitely lessened. A new ray of hope shown through to Remus that day.
Around dinner time, Harry was getting back to his usual self, though he was a little more subdued than usual. Sirius was happy to see, however, that he wasn't dwelling on what had happened like he had when Remus was first taken away. "Remus must have said something," Sirius thought, grinning proudly at Harry all through dinner.
"So Harry, only one more day and you're off to school. You gonna miss me?"
Harry smiled at him, "Of course I'll miss you. What am I going to do without seeing you everyday?" Harry turned slightly sad after this comment.
Sirius was looking a little misty eyed himself. "You'll do what every other teenager does, leave me here all alone, and come back not needing me anymore, and I'll grow old and gray missing little Harry."
Harry laughed and said, "That'll never happen. And you never knew me as little Harry anyway," Harry added, almost bitterly.
"I wish I had," Sirius replied softly.
Harry smiled, "I wish you had too...but I'm glad you do now...I'd be dead right now if it weren't for you."
"And vice versa, Harry."
"You'd only be dead because I would have killed you..."
"Well that, and I believe you conjured a very nice patronus for me...as well as stole a hippogriff so I could escape. You've done a lot for me Harry."
"Not as much as you've done for me," Harry replied.
"I haven't done much Harry, not much at all."
"Sirius, you've given me what I've always wanted...a family."
Sirius beamed at Harry, who beamed back at him.
Sighing happily, Sirius asked, "What do you want to do tonight?"
"I don't want to do anything...lets just sit in front of the TV like last night."
"Okay...but did you get all of your homework done?"
Harry rolled his eyes, "Yes, including the three rolls of parchment Snape assigned. It's all done."
"And you're sure we got all of your supplies?"
"Uh-huh," Harry said.
"Good, then TV it is. I get couch!" He yelled.
"No way, you got it last night! And I was stuck in that old chair with the hole in it!"
Sirius made a run for the living room, Harry broke into a jog behind him. They both flew for the couch and landed on it at the exact same time. They both shrugged and decided to share the couch. They ended up watching Seinfeld repeats until they were blue in the face from laughing about the show about nothing.
Harry ended up falling asleep, with his head propped up on Sirius's knee. This was no surprise after the draining day Harry had. Sirius was surprised he stayed awake as long as he did.
Over the past month Harry had finally reached the size and weight of a normal fifteen year old. Thanks to running, he was even beginning to get a little muscular. Thus, Sirius decided it would be impossible to move him and didn't want to risk bonking his head by levitating him up the stairs, so he decided to leave Harry there on the couch. He got a pillow for his head and a blanket and then left him there.
Sirius went up to his room, and fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. However, it wouldn't be a regular night at the Lupin Loft if something hadn't happened in the middle of the night. Tonight was a repeat performance of the night after Remus's trial. Sirius was woken by the racket Harry was making during one of his nightmares. He ran down the stairs just in time to see Harry roll right off the couch. This woke him. He immediately jumped to his feet and took a defensive stance. When he realized he was alone in the living room with Sirius he relaxed and fell back onto the couch.
"Another nightmare Harry?"
Harry sighed and nodded. "I really was trying to not let it get to me this time...I guess I failed."
"You didn't fail Harry," Sirius said plopping down beside Harry on the couch. "You can't help what you dream. What happened in this one?"
Harry had to think for a moment, "It was in Azkaban again, only this time it was the real Azkaban, not just my imagination."
Sirius interrupted. "So you're first dream wasn't what it really looked like? That's excellent Harry that means it wasn't a premonition."
Harry looked curiously at Sirius who elaborated, "In a premonition you see things that you never knew existed, the way they really are. If it was different in you dream than it wasn't a premonition, it's not going to come true."
"But...well...this one, it was the real thing."
Sirius put his arm over Harry's shoulder. "Tell me about it Harry."
"Well...like I said it was in Azkaban...Voldemort was there too. He was freeing all of his old followers, and then he went to Remus's cell. I was there with Remus...And Voldemort was...he was getting ready to kill Remus, and then me. He wanted Remus to go first, because he wanted me to die feeling guilty for his death. But I woke up just when Voldemort began saying the killing curse."
Sirius gripped Harry's shoulder supportively. "Was that all?"
Harry shook his head, "It was pretty gory. You know that old guy?"
Sirius nodded and Harry swallowed hard. "He had been killed in a more brutal way then the Avada Kedavra. I don't really know how they did it, but they hung him from the top of a cell...dripping blood. It was a terrible sight." Harry shivered as he relived that image.
"Did your scar hurt at all during the dream?"
Harry shook his head.
"Good, from what Dumbledore has told me that's a good sign that Voldemort's not actually planning to do that. I think what's going on right now is just normal dreaming. It really sucks that they're so brutal though. I wish you didn't have to deal with this Harry."
"Me too," Harry said letting out a deep breath, "My life sucks."
Sirius's head swiveled immediately towards Harry, his face a mixture of pain and pity. "Harry...I thought you were happy...happier now."
Harry grinned sadly, "Let me rephrase. I am happy...so much more happy than I was before. I have a home now. But...I just wish...I just wish I wasn't me. I wish I never had to see the things I've seen, never had to do the things I've done. I'm only fifteen and already I've defeated Voldemort, stopped Voldemort from getting the Sorcerers Stone, killed a Basilisk, and dueled with Voldemort. I had to watch a fellow student die...And then I finally get everything just the way I want it and first you were in jeopardy, and then Remus went to prison...it just all sucks so much. It's the reason I have the dreams I do...no one else dreams like that."
Sirius looked almost defeated. He shook his head and muttered, "I'm so, so sorry Harry."
"God, Sirius, it's not your fault. You couldn't have prevented any of it...I am the famous Harry Potter, the boy who lived. There's nothing anyone can do to change that."
"I just wish-I wish you were happy being Harry Potter. You would have been, you know? If your parents were never killed, you'd be the happiest kid on the block. I know it."
"Well, I'm really happy here with you and...and Remus. Its just, you know, hard."
Sirius nodded sadly. "Why don't you go back to bed Harry? You need rest."
"I don't think I'll be able to sleep Sirius."
"But you need to try. Remember last time?"
Harry sighed deeply and nodded his head. Sirius stood and pulled Harry off the couch and they both walked upstairs and went to their respective rooms. It took a while, but Harry did eventually find his way back to his room. The next day Harry and Sirius had the fun day together they had planned on. They played quidditch, chess, exploding snap, anything that would keep them from thinking of the sad and depressing things. When the day was almost over, Sirius again tried getting Harry to eat pizza. He ordered a large pepperoni and set it in front of Harry, who looked slightly grim at the site.
"This is a test Harry," Sirius said as Harry stared forebodingly at the pizza.
Harry nodded and picked up a slice. He took a real bite this time, chewed for a bit and smiled. He then devoured the slice. Sirius laughed at him and started on his own. The two of them almost polished off the entire pizza in fifteen minutes. After that they sat back in their chairs and relaxed.
Sirius had something on his mind that he had to talk to Harry about, but didn't want to seem too parental. He couldn't help himself though and said, "Sorai told me what happened in Diagon Ally yesterday, Harry."
Harry looked down and sighed, "I couldn't help it Sirius."
"What exactly was the problem?"
"Did you ever have anyone around you that just drove you mad? Shoots you with thousands of questions that you don't want to talk about and won't even give you time to answer? Someone who follows you with a camera like the paparazzi? Someone who just thinks you're the greatest thing when you just want to be normal?"
"Yeah actually. While we were at Hogwarts there was this kid who hero- worshiped us Marauders. He took pictures of us and wanted them signed...God he was annoying. Creevy* was his name I think."
Harry's jaw dropped. "You're joking right?"
Sirius looked confused, "No...why?"
"Colin Creevy, the kid in Diagon Ally."
Sirius started laughing hysterically, "Are you serious? That's classic! I can't believe that kid actually found a girl! Kid must be just like him."
Harry didn't find it so amusing and glared at Sirius.
When Sirius finally contained himself he looked seriously at Harry. "The point is you shouldn't have hit him Harry. No matter how annoying the kid gets you have no right to give him a black eye."
"He's probably happy I gave him a black eye Sirius. He probably took a picture of it and wants it signed."
"I don't care Harry. You know not to hit people...I know you do. Maybe you can hit that Malfoy kid, but that's it," Sirius quipped.
"I didn't mean to hit him Sirius. It just happened, you know?"
"Yeah, I know, and you were under a lot of stress just then. But you need to learn to control your temper in all sorts of situations...or...or you'll end up like me." Sirius said the last part rather ashamed.
"Who wouldn't want to end up like you...you're so fun."
"Harry, I spent twelve years of my life in Azkaban, that's not exactly success."
"But you're fine now."
"Yeah, but I would be a whole lot better if I never went there...if I could have controlled my anger towards Peter. I don't want to see anything like that happen to you Harry."
"I won't let it...don't worry."
"Okay, but I want you to apologize to this Creevy kid tomorrow. My guess is that fist won't have stopped him. He's going to be the same old Creevy."
"Great," Harry muttered.
"Will you apologize?"
Harry nodded although he really didn't want to, but he saw where Sirius was coming from.
They both went to bed early that night, as they had to get up early the next day to get ready to meet the train. Sirius was the first one up September 1st, and he had overslept. When he realized the time, he jumped out of bed in just his boxers and ran to Harry's room to find him sound asleep, using James as a pillow. He shook Harry and yelled, "Harry time to get up!"
Harry woke with a start, glared at Sirius and mumbled incoherent things.
"Harry, it's 10:30 we have to be at the train station in an hour and a half...you haven't even packed! Get your butt out of bed!"
Harry rolled his legs off the bed and stood up. He slowly walked towards the bathroom and got in the shower. That was what he needed to wake up fully. While he was doing that Sirius (who was still in just his boxers) was in a frenzy flying clothes around the room with his wand, trying to get everything Harry would need in his trunk. He realized Harry hadn't taken any clean clothes with him to the bathroom, so he flew some to him, to speed the process. Once Sirius had almost everything packed away Harry came striding into the room.
"I have most of your stuff already packed away Harry, look around see if there's anything else you want to bring."
Harry searched his closet and under his bed but found nothing that he cared to bring. He knew it would all be here as good as new when he got back. Sirius seemed to have thought of everything Harry would want to have with him, including the photo album of his parents.
"That's everything," Harry said sadly, sitting on his bed and looking around his room. He was really going to miss it all.
"You okay bud?" Sirius asked sitting beside him.
"I'm just going to miss all this...for the first time I'm not going to my home, I'm leaving it...its kind of weird."
Sirius smiled at him and then stood again, "We really have to go now Harry, no time for breakfast, but I'll give you some money for on the train, okay? Now lets go." He levitated Harry's trunk and steered it downstairs to the front door. He grabbed the keys from the counter and started opening the door when he saw Harry grinning at him.
"What?"
"You're going to go in that? I'm sorry but...I really don't want to be seen with you like that."
Sirius looked down at himself and actually blushed. "Damn, I thought it was cold."
Harry laughed at him.
"Harry, all the girls would flock to you if I went like this."
"No, I think they'd be scared."
Sirius glared at Harry who could only laugh harder at him. He grabbed his wand and flicked it at himself and was then fully clothed in khakis and a polo shirt.
"That better?"
Harry nodded and walked out the door. Sirius followed, still levitating the trunk in front of him. They got in the jeep quickly and Sirius began driving down the driveway. Just as they were about to turn onto the main road Harry turned around and looked sadly back at the house that had so quickly become his home. He hadn't even arrived at Hogwarts yet, but he already couldn't wait for the Christmas Holiday when he could return to the Lupin Loft.
*I'm thinking Creevy may have been a muggle born, but I can't really remember for sure, anyways, for this story he's not...I mean, his brothers a wizard too, he must me pureblood right?
A/N: Another one down! Did you like it? Please tell me by reviewing right now...I beg you! Next chapter it'll be bye, bye Sirius... : ( My goal is to have the next chapter up by next Wednesday, but I have a ski meet this week, so I may not have the time. I'll try my hardest though!