Hey all! I finally got through my busy weeks and have an update for ya.
These past two weeks were Hell, let me tell you! I've got another one just
like it coming up, but the next chapter will most likely be out before
that. If not, I'm terribly sorry cuz there's a nice cliffy at the end of
this chapter, but I think I'm a pretty predictable person, so you should be
able to figure out what's gonna happen! Anyhow, please review, cuz I
really want to hear what y'all have to say! By the way, I'm no longer
doing review reviews because they take more time to write than the story,
but I do value and love each and everyone of you!
And, I see most of you want me to do a sequel, but I don't think that will happen, I have plans for this story which will basically not allow for one. I think I will write another one though, probably Sirius oriented again, but I don't have any real plans yet. It won't be started until after OOP comes out though. So watch out for it this summer!!!!
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Sirius fell asleep in the hospital chair he had been resting in, and slept for nearly five hours. When he woke up he looked from side to side and found that Remus and Harry were both still sound asleep. Sirius sighed and again rubbed his face hard with the palms of his hands. He slowly stood, stretched and left to use the bathroom. After he went and washed his hands he threw water over his face and then took some to drink. The water helped wake him up so he could think clearly. Thinking only made him hurt, however.
Sirius was stressed. There was no way around that fact. He was worried sick about Harry's condition, as well as Remus's, though he believed Dumbledore in that he would be alright. But the world was again changing, changing in a way that made butterflies flutter like mad in Sirius's stomach.
He walked out of the bathroom to find that Harry had woken up. He had been asleep for a good seven hours, and Sirius was happy to see that the rest had had a positive affect on him.
"Hey Bud, how you feeling?"
Harry smiled at him genuinely. "Much better, Sirius, the visions went away."
Sirius did a double take. "They went away, you mean, you don't see anything? Even with your eyes shut?"
Harry nodded. "It's great!"
Sirius didn't look so sure. "That's good, but it could also be bad. Voldemort may be planning something."
Harry shrugged. "As long as I don't have to watch it."
Sighing, Sirius ran his hand through his hair and looked down, not saying what he was thinking, that Voldemort was probably planning an attack against Harry, he wouldn't have to watch it per say, rather he was going to have to participate in it.
"How's Remus?" Harry asked.
"He's doing better, I think he's going to do fine. I told him all about J, he's proud of him I think. Warning, though Harry, he thinks he missed out on too much while he was gone, he's probably going to try to make that up. What about you, Harry? How are you, really, I mean with, you know, Hagrid?"
Harry looked down and shrugged. "I'll be okay," he mumbled. Sirius rubbed his back gently and heard Harry sigh.
"Why does everything have to be so hard?"
"I don't know Harry, I once heard someone say that without suffering there'd be no compassion, but I don't buy that. Some of the best people in the world haven't suffered more than a minute in their lives. But look at you, Harry. You've suffered greatly, and you're an amazing kid. Someday, I know it, you're going to be a normal, happy person. You'll always be the famous Harry Potter, but you'll be happy in your own skin. I can feel it."
Harry smiled at his godfather, for some reason believing him, not passing it off as a pipe dream as he usually did.
"Is there anything new going on, anything I should know?" Harry asked.
Sirius shook his head, "I talked to Dumbledore, it's been confirmed about Hagrid, and there'll be a funeral in a couple of days." Sirius stopped here and looked at Harry.
His eyes were glassed over, but it didn't seem like he was going to cry. So Sirius continued, "We're all quite sure now that Remus is going to make it, it'll take a while, but he'll be okay."
"Good," Harry said, "and I don't mind him wanting to make up on missed time at all, we have a lot of catching up to do."
"Yes you do, we all do."
"Is he able to walk around at all yet? Have you let him try?"
"I've helped him out of bed three more times, and he seems stronger each time, but I don't know. He's just going to have to take it slow, like you did, Harry."
Harry nodded and they sat in silence for a minute before Harry said in a serious tone, "Do you mind if I leave? I want to go tell Ron and Hermione about...Hagrid. I think they should know before everyone else, you know because they know-knew him better, like me."
"Are you sure you want to be the one to do that, Harry?"
Harry nodded, but he didn't look so sure.
"Do you want me to go with you?"
Harry considered it for a second but then shook his head. "I want to do this myself, Sirius."
Sirius gave a small side smile and rested his hand on Harry's head, and said, "Good luck, bud."
"Thanks," Harry said and left the hospital wing.
It was late in the day, nearing sunset and classes for the rest of the school were over. It was almost time for dinner, but Harry wasn't hungry, and was sure the others, even Ron, wouldn't be too hungry after all they had heard. Harry found them studying in the common room.
"Harry, where have you been? You missed all your classes!" Hermione shrieked.
"I...er...had a problem last night, and had to see Sirius. I'm better now, but I have something to tell you both. Why don't we go down to the lake?" There were other people around, and Harry didn't want to spread the news throughout the entire school.
"Okay, mate," Ron replied, looking curious and worried at the same time. Harry didn't look like he had great news to tell them.
The trio made it quickly out of the castle, and then sat in a row in front of the lake, watching the giant squid lift one of his tentacles every now and then, creating ripples that seemed to never end.
Harry was quiet for a while, and just stared out at the lake, his eyes glassy as earlier. He was chewing hard on his lip.
"What's going on Harry?" Ron asked tentatively.
Harry sighed deeply and then stood in front of his friends. "I haven't told you guys this, but I've been having visions of what Voldemort's been up to, and it's not pretty. I've seen more people die before my eyes than I can count."
Hermione let out a dry sob, and then choked out, "What do you mean? You've been seeing Voldemort kill people?"
Harry nodded, "Voldemort and deatheaters."
"Oh my God, Harry that's awful!"
"Why didn't you tell us mate? Maybe, maybe we could have helped you?"
"There was nothing you could do...I didn't tell Sirius until two nights ago. I thought I should keep it to myself."
Hermione swallowed hard, "So...why are you telling us now, Harry?"
Harry looked down before answering, gathering his thoughts. There was a lump in his throat when he spoke again, "Last night...or this morning...I saw-I saw Hagrid...Hagrid's dead."
Absolute silence followed this. A tear ran slowly down Hermione's face, but Ron broke the silence with a shrill laugh. "Very funny Harry, Hagrid's right in his hut, probably making something we'll never want to eat."
Harry couldn't believe this, "Ron, I'm serious. He's gone...they killed him. Dumbledore-Dumbledore confirmed it. I'm not just playing around!" Harry sounded pissed, and a tear coursed slowly down his face. Ron then knew that Harry was serious.
"Oh God...but..." Ron broke off, not knowing what else to say. Harry watched as Hermione began to sob, and then tears started rolling down Ron's face as well. Harry already had his crying time, but after seeing his friends like that he couldn't help himself, he started crying again too. Hermione stood and wrapped her arm around Harry, and then pulled Ron over and put her other arm around him. They were soon comforting each other in a group hug, all crying their hearts out. No one knew how long they stood there, but they were soon interrupted by a very unwanted drawl.
"Oh how touching, a three way," came the all too familiar voice of Draco Malfoy. Ron broke away and quickly dried his eyes, as did Hermione, but Harry was beyond caring.
"Go to Hell Malfoy," Harry murmured, his voice shaky.
"Maybe someday, but not today."
Hermione shook her head, not believing Malfoy had just said that.
"What are you babies blubbering over, anyway?"
"Something you'll never have to feel, Malfoy, the pain of losing someone we love. All you can feel is hatred, so you don't have to worry about such a thing!" Harry cut in bitingly. Malfoy actually looked taken aback by that answer, but soon recovered.
"Don't act like you know me, Potter. You couldn't dream of knowing me!"
"I wouldn't want to," Harry yelled bitterly.
Harry turned back towards the lake, when he heard a swish of robes. He turned to see Malfoy raise his wand high in the air. He was going to duck, but didn't have enough time as he heard the words come out of Malfoy's mouth.
"Avada Kedav..." Harry flinched waiting for it, and he heard Hermione shrieking. 'This is it,' he thought, 'this is the end for the famous Harry Potter.'
He soon realized, however, that he was very much wrong. The last syllable of the deadly spell was never spoken. Harry looked up to see that Malfoy had been stunned. He breathed a sigh of relief and looked up to see Sirius, 100 yards away, running towards him. Harry shaking like mad, sat down on the ground and waited for Sirius to reach him, all the while Ron was trying to comfort a hysterical Hermione.
Sirius finally made his way to Harry, and knelt in front of him, huffing and puffing from lack of breath. "What happened?" he asked urgently.
Harry was shaking still, but he responded calmly, "Malfoy picked a fight, and I kind of encouraged it...I told him he didn't know what it was to feel love, and he attacked me...he-he tried to kill me."
"Are you okay?"
Harry nodded, but he was still trembling. Sirius hugged him and rubbed his back, trying to calm his fear. He looked up at Ron and Hermione, who had calmed down a bit, and motioned them to come closer. They did and he pulled away from Harry.
"Hey, bud, go up to the castle with your friends, go to my room, and get some food. The last thing you three need is to be surrounded by people right now. I'm going to deal with him," Sirius said, pointing at Malfoy's fallen form.
Harry was still shaking, but he nodded and managed to get to his feet. Hermione put her arm around him and they all walked up to the castle.
Sirius then turned to Malfoy. He shot a binding spell at him and ropes tied his feet and arms together. He then levitated him into the castle to Dumbledore's office, luckily meeting no student or teacher on his way.
Dumbledore saw Sirius coming, and sighed. "What now, Sirius?" Dumbledore moaned, in a voice very unlike him.
"Sorry Dumbledore, but this one couldn't be avoided." Sirius set Malfoy on the floor. "Malfoy tried to kill Harry."
"What? A student tried to kill another student?"
Sirius nodded sternly.
"That's ridiculous Sirius."
"Dumbledore, I'm not lying, go ask Harry, he's very shaken up about it. Ron and Hermione were there to, they can attest to it."
Dumbledore put his hands over his face and sighed. "Well then, Mr. Malfoy will be expelled."
"Good."
"Is that all Sirius?"
Sirius nodded, "Thank you Albus, and I'm sorry, that you have to deal with all this. It's too much at once. I don't know how you do it."
Dumbledore shook his head, "I don't either."
Sirius waved and left the room. His initial thought was to go back to his room and see how the kids were holding up, but he thought they might be needing some time alone. Thus, he went back to sit by Remus's bedside. He was surprised to see that Remus was awake when he got there, as he hadn't been asleep that long.
Remus yawned as he saw Sirius, then smiled. "Hey Sirius, what's going on?"
Sirius sighed and went to sit on the edge of his friends bed.
"There was just an assassination attempt on Harry."
Remus started to laugh slightly until he saw that Sirius was serious.
"How...who?"
"Malfoy, by the lake, I think he was going to do the killing curse, but I haven't asked Harry yet."
"Oh my God...why?"
"Usual Harry-Malfoy bicker, I guess it got under Malfoy's skin more than anyone knew."
"What's going to happen to him?"
"Dumbledore's expelling him. His fathers going to be down here so fast..." Sirius shook his head.
"How's Harry?"
"He's fine, just a little shaken up. He's with Ron and Hermione right now...Did I tell you his visions stopped?"
"They did? That's great...or maybe not."
"That's what I thought, but for now, we're looking at it as a good thing. Harry needs it to be a good thing, that's for sure."
Remus nodded in agreement. "I wish I could go see him..."
"Who, Harry?"
"Yeah, I want to get out of this room, but Poppy isn't going to let me out for at least a week."
A glint of mischief formed in Sirius's eye, Remus didn't miss it.
"What...?"
"Poppy doesn't have to know."
"You mean, you're going to smuggle me out?" Remus asked in an excited whisper. He sounded like a third year Marauder again.
Sirius put his finger to his lips and nodded, acting the same age. He pulled back the blankets on Remus's bed and got him into a sitting position. He left Remus's side for a minute to make sure Madam Pomfrey wasn't around and then ran back to the bed. He threw Remus's arm over his shoulders and helped him out of the bed, and then they made quickly to the teachers wing, going back ways so no one would see Remus.
They crept up to the door and Sirius was about to open it when they heard footsteps coming down the corridor.
"Shit!" Sirius exclaimed and threw the door open as fast as he could and dragged Remus inside. He then slammed it shut again. Ron and Hermione just about jumped out of their skin at the racquet they caused. "Sorry."
They nodded but neither said a word. Sirius brought Remus to the sitting area and dropped him off at a chair. He then noticed Harry lying on the floor, fast asleep.
"Is he okay?" Sirius asked concerned.
"I think so," Hermione replied.
"We were just talking and everything, and he just dozed off. I think today was just a bit too much for him."
Sirius nodded, "Poor kid. I'll bring him to the bedroom." Sirius levitated Harry slowly through the room and disappeared behind a corner. At this point Remus, Ron and Hermione were left alone, the first time they had seen each other since Harry's birthday party so long ago.
"Hey, Remus," Ron said nervously. "Er...how are you?"
"I'm getting better, Ron thanks, come give me a hug," Remus said, spreading his arms. Ron stepped up to him and did as he was asked.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
Ron shrugged and then mumbled, "I'm doing alright, not great, but definitely better than Harry."
Remus nodded sadly and then turned to Hermione who also gave him a hug.
"And how are you?"
"Better than the boys, but...no one's good these days."
"Still top of the class?"
Hermione smiled and nodded.
"I would expect nothing less."
The three then began talking about things that were completely un- depressing and tried to forget the current situations.
Sirius on the other hand was having a much different conversation. The minute he had set Harry down on his bed Harry flew awake. He was terrified for a moment, but the minute his eyes fell on Sirius he calmed down.
"Sirius," he sighed.
"You okay bud?"
Harry began to nod but then shook his head. "I thought I was safe here at least...I thought the only person I had to worry about was Voldemort, but apparently I can't even go outside anymore." There was anger in his voice.
"Malfoy's being expelled," Sirius told him, hoping that would settle him down a bit.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Now he's going to hate me even more. I doubt that this will be the last time he tries to kill me, Sirius. I'm number one on his hit list, just like on Voldemort's."
"Harry, don't worry, I'm not going to let them get you. You're going to be safe. You survived today, you'll survive more."
"I survived today because you were there. There's going to be a time where you're not there, there always will be those times, what's going to happen then? If I can't fend for myself then what's going to happen?"
Sirius was quiet for a while, not wanting to accept that he couldn't always be there for Harry, but finally voiced what he was thinking, "I don't know..."
Harry just nodded, his face tight with anger, anger not at Sirius, but at the world.
"Can we forget about that for a while, though? Remus is in the other room, he wanted to see you so I helped him down. Do you want me to bring him in here?"
"No, I'll go out there. Are Ron and Hermione still here?"
"Yeah."
"Good, there's something I want to tell them," Harry said, climbing off of the bed. He still sounded insanely angry and Sirius was a little worried about what was going to happen out there. He wished with all his might that Harry had never woken up, but that would have made things too easy.
"Hey Remus," Harry said as he walked out, but he didn't look at Remus once. He stood directly in front of his two friends who were sitting on the couch in front of him and glared menacingly.
Ron and Hermione were taken aback. They were speechless.
"I want you two to leave, and never come back. Forget the path we took to get here. I don't want to be your friend anymore, and would appreciate it if you left right now."
Ron and Hermione were now gaping at him. Ron looked slightly angry and Hermione looked like she was going to cry.
"C'mon mate, what did we do? Why don't you want to be our friend? I don't understand!"
"You don't need an explanation. Just forget about me, forget everything we've been through, because it all ends here!" Harry yelled angrily.
Tears rolled down Hermione's face, and Ron's turned beat red. He grabbed a hold of Hermione's hand and dragged her to her feet and out of the room. Sirius and Remus watched them go with their mouths agape. Harry just crossed his arms over his chest and flopped down on the couch where they had been sitting. He didn't look happy, but he looked strangely relieved. The room was deadly quiet for a second. Sirius was still standing in the doorway from his bedroom and Remus was in the same chair. They just looked at each other uncomfortably. That had been very unexpected. Slowly Sirius walked towards the couch and sat next to Harry.
"Umm...would you care to explain that Harry."
Harry shot a side long glance at Sirius and then shook his head.
It had gotten to the point where Sirius expected Harry to always tell him whatever he wanted, so this took him a bit off guard.
"Okay..." He said. And then there was more silence.
This time the silence was broken by a voice that had previously remained silent. "What the Hell is wrong with you, Harry?" Remus said, sounding thoroughly pissed off. "You have two of the best friends in the world, and you just decide to send them packing...after they've done nothing for months but worry about you? I don't believe that you suddenly feel nothing for them. You're wimping out on them for no good reason. Harry, you need them and they need you!"
Harry's face turned an angry red. "Actually, Remus, I have my own reasons for cutting those ties, today, and nothing you can say will make me put them back together. I'm doing the right thing and I know it. So, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go take a walk!" Harry sprang to his feet and Sirius soon followed and grabbed tightly to his wrist. Harry bit his lip in anger and stomped his foot. He then tried unsuccessfully to pry himself free from Sirius's grasp.
"Harry, calm down, we're not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, but you can not go for a walk. It's not safe, you just admitted that. Malfoy's probably still in the building and if he sees you he's going to try to get you again. If you would like me to leave the room, I'll do that for you."
Harry still looked like he wanted to get away, but he let his arm drop slightly and Sirius loosened his hold.
"I'd like to be alone," he stated firmly.
"Fine, I'll take Remus back to the hospital wing before he's missed. I will be back eventually though, and if you're not still here, I'm going to be very, very angry. So please, stay put."
Harry nodded and sat back on the couch.
"C'mon Rem," Sirius said, bending down to help Remus up. They were almost to the door when Remus made Sirius stop and turned back to Harry.
"I'm not forcing you to do anything Harry, but I know what it's like to have no friends. Sirius does too. It's not good, you need them, whether you know it or not. I don't want to see you make the wrong decision. Please make sure you know what you're doing."
Harry's gaze softened a bit and he said quietly, "I will."
Remus nodded and then was helped out of the room and back to the hospital wing by Sirius.
Harry leaned back into the couch when the door was finally shut and he was all alone. He brought his knees up, hugged them against himself and thought about what he had just done.
He had never fallen asleep. He just pretended to so he could think. The way things were going currently, Harry knew that his two best friends were going to get hurt, and he couldn't let that happen. There association with him put them in immediate danger. Harry hadn't told anyone, but he blamed the death of Hagrid on himself as well. He figured Voldemort had killed him only to upset Harry. He conveniently forgot about the job Hagrid was doing when he died. Trying to get the giants on his side, certainly wouldn't have angered Voldemort.
The guilt Harry felt overtook him. He was scared. Nothing seemed to be going right and the last thing he wanted was to get Hermione and Ron further involved with that. They were kids still, Harry wasn't. Harry had seen so many more things, done so many more awful things, he no longer considered himself a child, and didn't want to take that away from his best friends as well.
But Harry knew, he knew he was going to miss them. Ron and Hermione, along with Remus and Sirius were his world and now his world was cut in half.
Tears began to pop up in Harry's eyes, and he tried to hold them back. He had been Mr. Tough Guy long enough, it was already taking a toll on him. But if he was getting like this after only five minutes of his little plan, how was he going to make it last forever? Harry couldn't help it though, and he started sobbing into his knees. They were painful anguished sobs, and they weren't just for his friends, they were for everything. For Hagrid, for Mrs. Weasley, for Remus, and for all that had happened to him that day and all those previous. Harry was to the point where he could no longer deal with life.
Back in the hospital wing Sirius had just gotten Remus back into bed. Remus looked awful, completely exhausted from his excursion to Sirius's room. He was hoping it would be a peaceful time, but it didn't work out that way at all, rather it had taken a lot out of him. Sirius just hoped that it wouldn't get in the way of his recovery, he was more hopeful that it would hurry it along.
Sirius bid Remus goodnight and hurried back to his own room. Hoping that it had been enough alone time for Harry. He opened his door and immediately wanted to kick himself. It had obviously been too much alone time.
"Harry," Sirius sighed as he stepped into the room. Harry's head sprung up, he hadn't heard the door open. His face was red and tear stained, and he looked like he had just been caught doing something bad. Tears continued to stream down his face though.
Sirius walked over and sat next to Harry and put his arms around him.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Harry?"
He felt Harry nod into his shoulder.
"And what is that exactly?"
There was a moment of dead silence and then Harry cleared his throat and spoke, "I can't be friends with them anymore. Being my friend will only bring them pain. I don't want to see them in anymore pain. Malfoy could have easily turned on one of them instead of me today. I don't want to see that happen."
"Are you sure it will?"
"If I allow them to continue to be my friends then...yes."
"So you're going to go through the rest of your life without any friends?"
"That's my plan," Harry said with a sniffle.
"And look where it's got you so far," Sirius said gently.
Harry buried his head in Sirius's shoulder. "I know what I'm doing is right."
"Okay, Harry. I'm not here to tell you what to do. But I want you to know, there' s no way you can get rid of me."
Harry pulled back and gave a small smile, "I wouldn't dream of it."
Sirius ruffled his hair and said, "You tired Harry? I think you could use some sleep."
Harry nodded and rubbed his eyes dry.
"Are you going to be alright?"
"I think so, I'm just going to have to adjust to not having any friends."
"Just remember that you're not a loser, you're a loner by choice," Sirius kidded.
"Yeah," Harry said with a small smile.
"Okay, why don't you take my room and I'll sleep on the couch."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
Harry stood up and was about to walk away when he heard Sirius get up and walk closer to him. Sirius put a hand on each of his shoulders and looked him square in the face. "I know nothing I can tell you is really going to change your mind, but I'm going to tell you this anyway. I've seen this done before, your father did it to us...it doesn't always work. We were in more danger without James then with him. I'm not saying that it'll be this way four you, but I want you to be careful."
Harry nodded, tears still in his eyes.
"I love you bud, come wake me up if you're feeling low okay? And at least try to sleep. We're both going back to classes tomorrow."
Harry again nodded and then let Sirius hug him. He was almost in a trance, not really paying attention to anything going on around him. He stepped back from Sirius, turned and went to the bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into Sirius's huge bed. He was asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
The next morning, he woke with the sun as it poured through the window. How Sirius could stand to have a window facing East was beyond Harry, but then again Sirius slept so soundly it probably didn't affect him at all.
He rolled over in the large bed and looked at the small clock on the bedside, it was 8:00. Usually he would get up and shower and then meet his friends for breakfast at that time, but today that was out of the question. For today he didn't even want to face them in the great hall, so he decided then and there that he'd be eating in Sirius's room, that is if Sirius would let him. He threw back the covers and slid out of bed. He didn't bother to put his clothes back on, and just walked out of the room. Sirius was still snoring away on the couch, wearing the same attire as Harry.
"Sirius," Harry said. "Sirius, time to get up! First class is in an hour!" Sirius wasn't budging so Harry began to push on Sirius's shoulder as well. It took awhile, nearly ten minutes, but Sirius soon woke up and glared at Harry.
"Hey, would you prefer I let you over sleep?" Harry asked, annoyed that all his effort got him was a glare.
"I suppose not," Sirius mumbled, "At least you didn't use water."
"I considered it."
"How ya doing Harry?" Sirius asked, climbing off the couch and getting some coffee.
Harry shrugged, "I'll be fine."
Sirius peered over his mug suspiciously.
"I will be!"
Sirius smiled, "I hope so. Why don't you sit down, eat some breakfast with me and then go back to the dormitories and get ready for your classes. You have me first today and I want to see you fresh and clean and on time."
Harry smiled and nodded. He took a seat in a chair and waited for Sirius to bring him a plate of eggs and toast. They ate quickly and then Harry hurried on his way. He had only half an hour to get back to the dormitories get cleaned up and then make it to defense against the dark arts, all the while avoiding his two best friends. But he managed to do it, or so he thought. He was running down the corridor seconds before class started and he had a few more turns to go when he ran smack into a man in black dress robes. He looked up into the face of Lucius Malfoy, rather an extremely pissed off Lucius Malfoy. Harry backed slowly away, but was stopped when Mr. Malfoy grabbed his wrist.
"Well look who it is," Lucius muttered darkly.
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All Done!!!! Hope you all enjoy that ending as much as I did! Next chapter should be out relatively soon, I don't think it will take nearly as long as this one did, I'm going away this Saturday, but only for a day, so I should have plenty of free time to write :)
And, I see most of you want me to do a sequel, but I don't think that will happen, I have plans for this story which will basically not allow for one. I think I will write another one though, probably Sirius oriented again, but I don't have any real plans yet. It won't be started until after OOP comes out though. So watch out for it this summer!!!!
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Sirius fell asleep in the hospital chair he had been resting in, and slept for nearly five hours. When he woke up he looked from side to side and found that Remus and Harry were both still sound asleep. Sirius sighed and again rubbed his face hard with the palms of his hands. He slowly stood, stretched and left to use the bathroom. After he went and washed his hands he threw water over his face and then took some to drink. The water helped wake him up so he could think clearly. Thinking only made him hurt, however.
Sirius was stressed. There was no way around that fact. He was worried sick about Harry's condition, as well as Remus's, though he believed Dumbledore in that he would be alright. But the world was again changing, changing in a way that made butterflies flutter like mad in Sirius's stomach.
He walked out of the bathroom to find that Harry had woken up. He had been asleep for a good seven hours, and Sirius was happy to see that the rest had had a positive affect on him.
"Hey Bud, how you feeling?"
Harry smiled at him genuinely. "Much better, Sirius, the visions went away."
Sirius did a double take. "They went away, you mean, you don't see anything? Even with your eyes shut?"
Harry nodded. "It's great!"
Sirius didn't look so sure. "That's good, but it could also be bad. Voldemort may be planning something."
Harry shrugged. "As long as I don't have to watch it."
Sighing, Sirius ran his hand through his hair and looked down, not saying what he was thinking, that Voldemort was probably planning an attack against Harry, he wouldn't have to watch it per say, rather he was going to have to participate in it.
"How's Remus?" Harry asked.
"He's doing better, I think he's going to do fine. I told him all about J, he's proud of him I think. Warning, though Harry, he thinks he missed out on too much while he was gone, he's probably going to try to make that up. What about you, Harry? How are you, really, I mean with, you know, Hagrid?"
Harry looked down and shrugged. "I'll be okay," he mumbled. Sirius rubbed his back gently and heard Harry sigh.
"Why does everything have to be so hard?"
"I don't know Harry, I once heard someone say that without suffering there'd be no compassion, but I don't buy that. Some of the best people in the world haven't suffered more than a minute in their lives. But look at you, Harry. You've suffered greatly, and you're an amazing kid. Someday, I know it, you're going to be a normal, happy person. You'll always be the famous Harry Potter, but you'll be happy in your own skin. I can feel it."
Harry smiled at his godfather, for some reason believing him, not passing it off as a pipe dream as he usually did.
"Is there anything new going on, anything I should know?" Harry asked.
Sirius shook his head, "I talked to Dumbledore, it's been confirmed about Hagrid, and there'll be a funeral in a couple of days." Sirius stopped here and looked at Harry.
His eyes were glassed over, but it didn't seem like he was going to cry. So Sirius continued, "We're all quite sure now that Remus is going to make it, it'll take a while, but he'll be okay."
"Good," Harry said, "and I don't mind him wanting to make up on missed time at all, we have a lot of catching up to do."
"Yes you do, we all do."
"Is he able to walk around at all yet? Have you let him try?"
"I've helped him out of bed three more times, and he seems stronger each time, but I don't know. He's just going to have to take it slow, like you did, Harry."
Harry nodded and they sat in silence for a minute before Harry said in a serious tone, "Do you mind if I leave? I want to go tell Ron and Hermione about...Hagrid. I think they should know before everyone else, you know because they know-knew him better, like me."
"Are you sure you want to be the one to do that, Harry?"
Harry nodded, but he didn't look so sure.
"Do you want me to go with you?"
Harry considered it for a second but then shook his head. "I want to do this myself, Sirius."
Sirius gave a small side smile and rested his hand on Harry's head, and said, "Good luck, bud."
"Thanks," Harry said and left the hospital wing.
It was late in the day, nearing sunset and classes for the rest of the school were over. It was almost time for dinner, but Harry wasn't hungry, and was sure the others, even Ron, wouldn't be too hungry after all they had heard. Harry found them studying in the common room.
"Harry, where have you been? You missed all your classes!" Hermione shrieked.
"I...er...had a problem last night, and had to see Sirius. I'm better now, but I have something to tell you both. Why don't we go down to the lake?" There were other people around, and Harry didn't want to spread the news throughout the entire school.
"Okay, mate," Ron replied, looking curious and worried at the same time. Harry didn't look like he had great news to tell them.
The trio made it quickly out of the castle, and then sat in a row in front of the lake, watching the giant squid lift one of his tentacles every now and then, creating ripples that seemed to never end.
Harry was quiet for a while, and just stared out at the lake, his eyes glassy as earlier. He was chewing hard on his lip.
"What's going on Harry?" Ron asked tentatively.
Harry sighed deeply and then stood in front of his friends. "I haven't told you guys this, but I've been having visions of what Voldemort's been up to, and it's not pretty. I've seen more people die before my eyes than I can count."
Hermione let out a dry sob, and then choked out, "What do you mean? You've been seeing Voldemort kill people?"
Harry nodded, "Voldemort and deatheaters."
"Oh my God, Harry that's awful!"
"Why didn't you tell us mate? Maybe, maybe we could have helped you?"
"There was nothing you could do...I didn't tell Sirius until two nights ago. I thought I should keep it to myself."
Hermione swallowed hard, "So...why are you telling us now, Harry?"
Harry looked down before answering, gathering his thoughts. There was a lump in his throat when he spoke again, "Last night...or this morning...I saw-I saw Hagrid...Hagrid's dead."
Absolute silence followed this. A tear ran slowly down Hermione's face, but Ron broke the silence with a shrill laugh. "Very funny Harry, Hagrid's right in his hut, probably making something we'll never want to eat."
Harry couldn't believe this, "Ron, I'm serious. He's gone...they killed him. Dumbledore-Dumbledore confirmed it. I'm not just playing around!" Harry sounded pissed, and a tear coursed slowly down his face. Ron then knew that Harry was serious.
"Oh God...but..." Ron broke off, not knowing what else to say. Harry watched as Hermione began to sob, and then tears started rolling down Ron's face as well. Harry already had his crying time, but after seeing his friends like that he couldn't help himself, he started crying again too. Hermione stood and wrapped her arm around Harry, and then pulled Ron over and put her other arm around him. They were soon comforting each other in a group hug, all crying their hearts out. No one knew how long they stood there, but they were soon interrupted by a very unwanted drawl.
"Oh how touching, a three way," came the all too familiar voice of Draco Malfoy. Ron broke away and quickly dried his eyes, as did Hermione, but Harry was beyond caring.
"Go to Hell Malfoy," Harry murmured, his voice shaky.
"Maybe someday, but not today."
Hermione shook her head, not believing Malfoy had just said that.
"What are you babies blubbering over, anyway?"
"Something you'll never have to feel, Malfoy, the pain of losing someone we love. All you can feel is hatred, so you don't have to worry about such a thing!" Harry cut in bitingly. Malfoy actually looked taken aback by that answer, but soon recovered.
"Don't act like you know me, Potter. You couldn't dream of knowing me!"
"I wouldn't want to," Harry yelled bitterly.
Harry turned back towards the lake, when he heard a swish of robes. He turned to see Malfoy raise his wand high in the air. He was going to duck, but didn't have enough time as he heard the words come out of Malfoy's mouth.
"Avada Kedav..." Harry flinched waiting for it, and he heard Hermione shrieking. 'This is it,' he thought, 'this is the end for the famous Harry Potter.'
He soon realized, however, that he was very much wrong. The last syllable of the deadly spell was never spoken. Harry looked up to see that Malfoy had been stunned. He breathed a sigh of relief and looked up to see Sirius, 100 yards away, running towards him. Harry shaking like mad, sat down on the ground and waited for Sirius to reach him, all the while Ron was trying to comfort a hysterical Hermione.
Sirius finally made his way to Harry, and knelt in front of him, huffing and puffing from lack of breath. "What happened?" he asked urgently.
Harry was shaking still, but he responded calmly, "Malfoy picked a fight, and I kind of encouraged it...I told him he didn't know what it was to feel love, and he attacked me...he-he tried to kill me."
"Are you okay?"
Harry nodded, but he was still trembling. Sirius hugged him and rubbed his back, trying to calm his fear. He looked up at Ron and Hermione, who had calmed down a bit, and motioned them to come closer. They did and he pulled away from Harry.
"Hey, bud, go up to the castle with your friends, go to my room, and get some food. The last thing you three need is to be surrounded by people right now. I'm going to deal with him," Sirius said, pointing at Malfoy's fallen form.
Harry was still shaking, but he nodded and managed to get to his feet. Hermione put her arm around him and they all walked up to the castle.
Sirius then turned to Malfoy. He shot a binding spell at him and ropes tied his feet and arms together. He then levitated him into the castle to Dumbledore's office, luckily meeting no student or teacher on his way.
Dumbledore saw Sirius coming, and sighed. "What now, Sirius?" Dumbledore moaned, in a voice very unlike him.
"Sorry Dumbledore, but this one couldn't be avoided." Sirius set Malfoy on the floor. "Malfoy tried to kill Harry."
"What? A student tried to kill another student?"
Sirius nodded sternly.
"That's ridiculous Sirius."
"Dumbledore, I'm not lying, go ask Harry, he's very shaken up about it. Ron and Hermione were there to, they can attest to it."
Dumbledore put his hands over his face and sighed. "Well then, Mr. Malfoy will be expelled."
"Good."
"Is that all Sirius?"
Sirius nodded, "Thank you Albus, and I'm sorry, that you have to deal with all this. It's too much at once. I don't know how you do it."
Dumbledore shook his head, "I don't either."
Sirius waved and left the room. His initial thought was to go back to his room and see how the kids were holding up, but he thought they might be needing some time alone. Thus, he went back to sit by Remus's bedside. He was surprised to see that Remus was awake when he got there, as he hadn't been asleep that long.
Remus yawned as he saw Sirius, then smiled. "Hey Sirius, what's going on?"
Sirius sighed and went to sit on the edge of his friends bed.
"There was just an assassination attempt on Harry."
Remus started to laugh slightly until he saw that Sirius was serious.
"How...who?"
"Malfoy, by the lake, I think he was going to do the killing curse, but I haven't asked Harry yet."
"Oh my God...why?"
"Usual Harry-Malfoy bicker, I guess it got under Malfoy's skin more than anyone knew."
"What's going to happen to him?"
"Dumbledore's expelling him. His fathers going to be down here so fast..." Sirius shook his head.
"How's Harry?"
"He's fine, just a little shaken up. He's with Ron and Hermione right now...Did I tell you his visions stopped?"
"They did? That's great...or maybe not."
"That's what I thought, but for now, we're looking at it as a good thing. Harry needs it to be a good thing, that's for sure."
Remus nodded in agreement. "I wish I could go see him..."
"Who, Harry?"
"Yeah, I want to get out of this room, but Poppy isn't going to let me out for at least a week."
A glint of mischief formed in Sirius's eye, Remus didn't miss it.
"What...?"
"Poppy doesn't have to know."
"You mean, you're going to smuggle me out?" Remus asked in an excited whisper. He sounded like a third year Marauder again.
Sirius put his finger to his lips and nodded, acting the same age. He pulled back the blankets on Remus's bed and got him into a sitting position. He left Remus's side for a minute to make sure Madam Pomfrey wasn't around and then ran back to the bed. He threw Remus's arm over his shoulders and helped him out of the bed, and then they made quickly to the teachers wing, going back ways so no one would see Remus.
They crept up to the door and Sirius was about to open it when they heard footsteps coming down the corridor.
"Shit!" Sirius exclaimed and threw the door open as fast as he could and dragged Remus inside. He then slammed it shut again. Ron and Hermione just about jumped out of their skin at the racquet they caused. "Sorry."
They nodded but neither said a word. Sirius brought Remus to the sitting area and dropped him off at a chair. He then noticed Harry lying on the floor, fast asleep.
"Is he okay?" Sirius asked concerned.
"I think so," Hermione replied.
"We were just talking and everything, and he just dozed off. I think today was just a bit too much for him."
Sirius nodded, "Poor kid. I'll bring him to the bedroom." Sirius levitated Harry slowly through the room and disappeared behind a corner. At this point Remus, Ron and Hermione were left alone, the first time they had seen each other since Harry's birthday party so long ago.
"Hey, Remus," Ron said nervously. "Er...how are you?"
"I'm getting better, Ron thanks, come give me a hug," Remus said, spreading his arms. Ron stepped up to him and did as he was asked.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
Ron shrugged and then mumbled, "I'm doing alright, not great, but definitely better than Harry."
Remus nodded sadly and then turned to Hermione who also gave him a hug.
"And how are you?"
"Better than the boys, but...no one's good these days."
"Still top of the class?"
Hermione smiled and nodded.
"I would expect nothing less."
The three then began talking about things that were completely un- depressing and tried to forget the current situations.
Sirius on the other hand was having a much different conversation. The minute he had set Harry down on his bed Harry flew awake. He was terrified for a moment, but the minute his eyes fell on Sirius he calmed down.
"Sirius," he sighed.
"You okay bud?"
Harry began to nod but then shook his head. "I thought I was safe here at least...I thought the only person I had to worry about was Voldemort, but apparently I can't even go outside anymore." There was anger in his voice.
"Malfoy's being expelled," Sirius told him, hoping that would settle him down a bit.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Now he's going to hate me even more. I doubt that this will be the last time he tries to kill me, Sirius. I'm number one on his hit list, just like on Voldemort's."
"Harry, don't worry, I'm not going to let them get you. You're going to be safe. You survived today, you'll survive more."
"I survived today because you were there. There's going to be a time where you're not there, there always will be those times, what's going to happen then? If I can't fend for myself then what's going to happen?"
Sirius was quiet for a while, not wanting to accept that he couldn't always be there for Harry, but finally voiced what he was thinking, "I don't know..."
Harry just nodded, his face tight with anger, anger not at Sirius, but at the world.
"Can we forget about that for a while, though? Remus is in the other room, he wanted to see you so I helped him down. Do you want me to bring him in here?"
"No, I'll go out there. Are Ron and Hermione still here?"
"Yeah."
"Good, there's something I want to tell them," Harry said, climbing off of the bed. He still sounded insanely angry and Sirius was a little worried about what was going to happen out there. He wished with all his might that Harry had never woken up, but that would have made things too easy.
"Hey Remus," Harry said as he walked out, but he didn't look at Remus once. He stood directly in front of his two friends who were sitting on the couch in front of him and glared menacingly.
Ron and Hermione were taken aback. They were speechless.
"I want you two to leave, and never come back. Forget the path we took to get here. I don't want to be your friend anymore, and would appreciate it if you left right now."
Ron and Hermione were now gaping at him. Ron looked slightly angry and Hermione looked like she was going to cry.
"C'mon mate, what did we do? Why don't you want to be our friend? I don't understand!"
"You don't need an explanation. Just forget about me, forget everything we've been through, because it all ends here!" Harry yelled angrily.
Tears rolled down Hermione's face, and Ron's turned beat red. He grabbed a hold of Hermione's hand and dragged her to her feet and out of the room. Sirius and Remus watched them go with their mouths agape. Harry just crossed his arms over his chest and flopped down on the couch where they had been sitting. He didn't look happy, but he looked strangely relieved. The room was deadly quiet for a second. Sirius was still standing in the doorway from his bedroom and Remus was in the same chair. They just looked at each other uncomfortably. That had been very unexpected. Slowly Sirius walked towards the couch and sat next to Harry.
"Umm...would you care to explain that Harry."
Harry shot a side long glance at Sirius and then shook his head.
It had gotten to the point where Sirius expected Harry to always tell him whatever he wanted, so this took him a bit off guard.
"Okay..." He said. And then there was more silence.
This time the silence was broken by a voice that had previously remained silent. "What the Hell is wrong with you, Harry?" Remus said, sounding thoroughly pissed off. "You have two of the best friends in the world, and you just decide to send them packing...after they've done nothing for months but worry about you? I don't believe that you suddenly feel nothing for them. You're wimping out on them for no good reason. Harry, you need them and they need you!"
Harry's face turned an angry red. "Actually, Remus, I have my own reasons for cutting those ties, today, and nothing you can say will make me put them back together. I'm doing the right thing and I know it. So, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go take a walk!" Harry sprang to his feet and Sirius soon followed and grabbed tightly to his wrist. Harry bit his lip in anger and stomped his foot. He then tried unsuccessfully to pry himself free from Sirius's grasp.
"Harry, calm down, we're not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, but you can not go for a walk. It's not safe, you just admitted that. Malfoy's probably still in the building and if he sees you he's going to try to get you again. If you would like me to leave the room, I'll do that for you."
Harry still looked like he wanted to get away, but he let his arm drop slightly and Sirius loosened his hold.
"I'd like to be alone," he stated firmly.
"Fine, I'll take Remus back to the hospital wing before he's missed. I will be back eventually though, and if you're not still here, I'm going to be very, very angry. So please, stay put."
Harry nodded and sat back on the couch.
"C'mon Rem," Sirius said, bending down to help Remus up. They were almost to the door when Remus made Sirius stop and turned back to Harry.
"I'm not forcing you to do anything Harry, but I know what it's like to have no friends. Sirius does too. It's not good, you need them, whether you know it or not. I don't want to see you make the wrong decision. Please make sure you know what you're doing."
Harry's gaze softened a bit and he said quietly, "I will."
Remus nodded and then was helped out of the room and back to the hospital wing by Sirius.
Harry leaned back into the couch when the door was finally shut and he was all alone. He brought his knees up, hugged them against himself and thought about what he had just done.
He had never fallen asleep. He just pretended to so he could think. The way things were going currently, Harry knew that his two best friends were going to get hurt, and he couldn't let that happen. There association with him put them in immediate danger. Harry hadn't told anyone, but he blamed the death of Hagrid on himself as well. He figured Voldemort had killed him only to upset Harry. He conveniently forgot about the job Hagrid was doing when he died. Trying to get the giants on his side, certainly wouldn't have angered Voldemort.
The guilt Harry felt overtook him. He was scared. Nothing seemed to be going right and the last thing he wanted was to get Hermione and Ron further involved with that. They were kids still, Harry wasn't. Harry had seen so many more things, done so many more awful things, he no longer considered himself a child, and didn't want to take that away from his best friends as well.
But Harry knew, he knew he was going to miss them. Ron and Hermione, along with Remus and Sirius were his world and now his world was cut in half.
Tears began to pop up in Harry's eyes, and he tried to hold them back. He had been Mr. Tough Guy long enough, it was already taking a toll on him. But if he was getting like this after only five minutes of his little plan, how was he going to make it last forever? Harry couldn't help it though, and he started sobbing into his knees. They were painful anguished sobs, and they weren't just for his friends, they were for everything. For Hagrid, for Mrs. Weasley, for Remus, and for all that had happened to him that day and all those previous. Harry was to the point where he could no longer deal with life.
Back in the hospital wing Sirius had just gotten Remus back into bed. Remus looked awful, completely exhausted from his excursion to Sirius's room. He was hoping it would be a peaceful time, but it didn't work out that way at all, rather it had taken a lot out of him. Sirius just hoped that it wouldn't get in the way of his recovery, he was more hopeful that it would hurry it along.
Sirius bid Remus goodnight and hurried back to his own room. Hoping that it had been enough alone time for Harry. He opened his door and immediately wanted to kick himself. It had obviously been too much alone time.
"Harry," Sirius sighed as he stepped into the room. Harry's head sprung up, he hadn't heard the door open. His face was red and tear stained, and he looked like he had just been caught doing something bad. Tears continued to stream down his face though.
Sirius walked over and sat next to Harry and put his arms around him.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing, Harry?"
He felt Harry nod into his shoulder.
"And what is that exactly?"
There was a moment of dead silence and then Harry cleared his throat and spoke, "I can't be friends with them anymore. Being my friend will only bring them pain. I don't want to see them in anymore pain. Malfoy could have easily turned on one of them instead of me today. I don't want to see that happen."
"Are you sure it will?"
"If I allow them to continue to be my friends then...yes."
"So you're going to go through the rest of your life without any friends?"
"That's my plan," Harry said with a sniffle.
"And look where it's got you so far," Sirius said gently.
Harry buried his head in Sirius's shoulder. "I know what I'm doing is right."
"Okay, Harry. I'm not here to tell you what to do. But I want you to know, there' s no way you can get rid of me."
Harry pulled back and gave a small smile, "I wouldn't dream of it."
Sirius ruffled his hair and said, "You tired Harry? I think you could use some sleep."
Harry nodded and rubbed his eyes dry.
"Are you going to be alright?"
"I think so, I'm just going to have to adjust to not having any friends."
"Just remember that you're not a loser, you're a loner by choice," Sirius kidded.
"Yeah," Harry said with a small smile.
"Okay, why don't you take my room and I'll sleep on the couch."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
Harry stood up and was about to walk away when he heard Sirius get up and walk closer to him. Sirius put a hand on each of his shoulders and looked him square in the face. "I know nothing I can tell you is really going to change your mind, but I'm going to tell you this anyway. I've seen this done before, your father did it to us...it doesn't always work. We were in more danger without James then with him. I'm not saying that it'll be this way four you, but I want you to be careful."
Harry nodded, tears still in his eyes.
"I love you bud, come wake me up if you're feeling low okay? And at least try to sleep. We're both going back to classes tomorrow."
Harry again nodded and then let Sirius hug him. He was almost in a trance, not really paying attention to anything going on around him. He stepped back from Sirius, turned and went to the bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into Sirius's huge bed. He was asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
The next morning, he woke with the sun as it poured through the window. How Sirius could stand to have a window facing East was beyond Harry, but then again Sirius slept so soundly it probably didn't affect him at all.
He rolled over in the large bed and looked at the small clock on the bedside, it was 8:00. Usually he would get up and shower and then meet his friends for breakfast at that time, but today that was out of the question. For today he didn't even want to face them in the great hall, so he decided then and there that he'd be eating in Sirius's room, that is if Sirius would let him. He threw back the covers and slid out of bed. He didn't bother to put his clothes back on, and just walked out of the room. Sirius was still snoring away on the couch, wearing the same attire as Harry.
"Sirius," Harry said. "Sirius, time to get up! First class is in an hour!" Sirius wasn't budging so Harry began to push on Sirius's shoulder as well. It took awhile, nearly ten minutes, but Sirius soon woke up and glared at Harry.
"Hey, would you prefer I let you over sleep?" Harry asked, annoyed that all his effort got him was a glare.
"I suppose not," Sirius mumbled, "At least you didn't use water."
"I considered it."
"How ya doing Harry?" Sirius asked, climbing off the couch and getting some coffee.
Harry shrugged, "I'll be fine."
Sirius peered over his mug suspiciously.
"I will be!"
Sirius smiled, "I hope so. Why don't you sit down, eat some breakfast with me and then go back to the dormitories and get ready for your classes. You have me first today and I want to see you fresh and clean and on time."
Harry smiled and nodded. He took a seat in a chair and waited for Sirius to bring him a plate of eggs and toast. They ate quickly and then Harry hurried on his way. He had only half an hour to get back to the dormitories get cleaned up and then make it to defense against the dark arts, all the while avoiding his two best friends. But he managed to do it, or so he thought. He was running down the corridor seconds before class started and he had a few more turns to go when he ran smack into a man in black dress robes. He looked up into the face of Lucius Malfoy, rather an extremely pissed off Lucius Malfoy. Harry backed slowly away, but was stopped when Mr. Malfoy grabbed his wrist.
"Well look who it is," Lucius muttered darkly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Done!!!! Hope you all enjoy that ending as much as I did! Next chapter should be out relatively soon, I don't think it will take nearly as long as this one did, I'm going away this Saturday, but only for a day, so I should have plenty of free time to write :)