Thanks for the reviews. This story is starting to wind down and I'm debating on what to do with Guinevere. I know how it's all gonna play out with Nerbell and Obi-Wan, but I haven't decided what to do with Guinevere yet. Don't forget, this is an alternative universe story. Don't jump all over me for inconsistencies.
Chapter 9
"Why did you become a Jedi?"
Nerbell had asked Obi-Wan this question before and he thought he'd answered it thoroughly, but apparently not since she was asking it again.
Obi-Wan looked at Nerbell and said, "Because I wanted to."
"Yeah, but how did you know what you wanted since you started so young?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, they take away the kids so early, sometimes they're still infants and then they cram their ideas into their young, impressionable minds, and then they expect you to obey their code blindly. How do you know that being a Jedi is something that you actually wanted yourself or something that they made you believe in?"
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows and said, "Where is all this coming from?"
"It's not coming from anywhere. I was just interested in knowing your thoughts. It's sort of like those fanatic parents who push their child to sing or to participate in a sport. The kids have no choice but to do it and once they get older, they rebel against it because they never really wanted it in the first place. I was just wondering if you ever thought about that or knew a Jedi who was going through that."
Obi-Wan sighed and said, "Well, I have thought about it. A lot actually, especially when I was in my teenage years. I was around 14 or so and Qui-Gon was pushing me so hard. It seemed like I couldn't do anything right. When I tried to do things to please him, he would tell me not to please him and that I should do things to please myself. When I did do things that I wanted to do, I would get into trouble because I was breaking a code. It seemed like every other day I was breaking a new rule that I didn't even knew existed. It was frustrating, but I fought through it. I realized that all of the other padawans were going through the same thing. We all got together, like a little support group, and we really leaned on each other and helped each other out. It was rough, but we all got through it. Now, we're all successful Jedi Knights and I don't think any one of us regrets it. I love what I do and I know that coming here wasn't my choice at first, but it's my choice now. I wouldn't give up being a Jedi for anything."
Nerbell inwardly cursed. Her plan was to get close to Obi-Wan, put doubts into his head about the real reasons why he was a Jedi, then plant the seed of anger towards the Jedi, let it grow and then slowly lead him into the dark side. With his sincere speech about how he loves being a Jedi, it spoiled all of those plans. How was she going to explain this to the Emperor?
"What's wrong", asked Obi-Wan.
"Oh, nothing really."
"Sweetheart, I know when something is bothering you. Are you having these feelings?"
"What feelings?"
"Feelings about how you became a Healer? I mean, they probably took you also when you were very young to start your training. Are you starting to doubt the reasons for you being a Healer?"
Bingo! Nerbell had a new angle. Perhaps she could put a guilt trip on Obi-Wan.
"Yes, actually I am. It's a very difficult job and it's not very rewarding."
"Not rewarding?"
"Well, don't get me wrong. When I was doing my training, I thought I could do this for the rest of my life. I felt like I was making a real difference….."
"You are."
"But, once I started working here, I just feel hollow, you know? Like I just work day after day and I'm not enjoying myself. I'm wondering now if the only reason why I'm still doing it is because I spent a good portion of my life training for it. Like, when you pick a career and you do several steps to reach your goal and you finally do, but then realize it's not what you wanted. It's hard to try something different because you put so much time and effort into that one thing."
"And you don't want to disappoint anyone?"
"Exactly!"
Obi-Wan sat down next to Nerbell and held her. "Are you trying to say that you no longer want to be a Healer?"
"Yes, that's what I'm saying. I want to leave the Temple."
"What about us?"
Nerbell positioned her body so that she was looking Obi-Wan in the eyes.
"Obi-Wan, I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"I want that too. You mean more to me than I thought possible."
"Just because I'm leaving the Temple doesn't mean that we have to stop seeing each other."
"Yes, but we will see each other less."
"That is true, but that's okay because……"
When Nerbell didn't finish her sentence after a few moments, Obi-Wan said, "Because what, darling?"
Nerbell, starting her crocodile tears, said, "I just feel like you don't really love me."
"Nerbell, how can you say that? You know that I love you."
"Do I? Ever since I got here, you've been hung up on Guinevere."
"Guinevere? I haven't talked about her in the longest time."
"I know her name has never left your lips, but she's always in your thoughts and in your heart."
Obi-Wan sighed, "Look, Nerbell, I'll admit that Guinevere was probably my first love and I say probably because I'm still confused about my feelings for her….."
"So you admit that you still think about her since you're still confused about how you felt!"
"No, no, no, it's not like that. All I'm saying is, Guinevere was special to me, but now she's gone. You're not gone though. You're here now and I love you and I want to be with you and only with you, Nerbell. You must believe me when I say this."
"I don't know, Obi-Wan."
"Nerbell, please. I've known Guinevere for only a few weeks, but I've known you for a year. You're special to me."
"Yes, but Guinevere must have been more special since you fell in love with her only after a few weeks and are still carrying a torch for her."
Nerbell started to cry more and Obi-Wan tried to comfort her as much as he could.
"Nerbell, please. I don't know what to say or do to make things better."
"I know what you can do to prove your love for me."
"What?"
"Leave the Temple with me."
"What?! Are you insane? I can't leave the Temple. I love being a Jedi."
"Love being a Jedi more than loving me?!"
"No, of course not, but I've always been a Jedi and I want to be a Jedi."
"Yes, but you also said that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, right?"
"Yes, of course, I do."
"Well, to me that means marriage. Why can't you just leave the Jedi and just be my husband?"
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and said, "Nerbell, do you realize how difficult it would be to leave the Temple?"
"It'll be difficult for me too."
"Yes, but you're a Healer so it'll be easier on you. It will take a lot of convincing to leave."
"So, you're saying you would leave with me?"
"Where are we to go though?"
"Well, in all honesty, I already have another job lined up and one for you too if you're interested."
"What kind of a job?"
"We'll worry about that later. Will you leave the Jedi to be with me?"
"I don't want to. I want to be with you and be a Jedi."
Nerbell got up from the couch and said, "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, but you have to choose. Me or the Jedi?"
When Obi-Wan didn't answer her, Nerbell, headed to the door.
"Wait!" yelled Obi-Wan.
"Yes?"
Obi-Wan got up and walked towards Nerbell.
"I do love you, Nerbell, but I'm not sure if I love you enough to leave the Jedi. I will make a compromise though."
"What?"
"I will go with you and check out your new job and the new job that you want me to take. We'll spend a week or so there, trying to adjust, and we'll see how I like it. If I do like it, then I'll leave the Jedi, although it won't be easy, and we'll get married and start our new lives together. If I don't like it, however, I will leave and go back with the Jedi, but you must come back with me. You don't have to keep your old Healer job with me, but you must accept the fact that I tried it your way, but I want the old way back. Okay?"
"Okay that sounds fine, but you really gotta give it a chance, Obi-Wan."
"I promise to give it a real chance. Does this prove that I love you?"
"Yes, it does! I'm so happy you're doing this."
Nerbell hugged Obi-Wan and Obi said, "Well, I'm not guaranteeing anything, but I will promise you to give it a shot. Now all I have to do is convince the Council to grant me a weeks vacation."
After Nerbell and Obi-Wan parted ways, Nerbell contacted the Emperor and told him of her status. He was very pleased. The Emperor had decided to trick the Jedi. Nerbell would bring him to their Temple, but they would disguise themselves as a rebel group. They were not on the good side and they were not on the dark side. This group would give their assistance to anyone who requested that were "regular folk", neither liking the Sith nor the Jedi.
Once Obi-Wan had seen that his new work would be just like his old Jedi work and he would be able to spend all of his free time with Nerbell just as before, he would certainly take the position. Once he had given the promise to stay on and he had left the Jedi, only then would the Emperor reveal himself and tell Obi-Wan that he had really joined forces with the Sith.
He probably wouldn't want to stay then, but the Emperor would have two advantages over Obi-Wan; Nerbell and his beloved Guinevere. If he had tried to leave and not do everything the Emperor tells him to do, both women would lose their lives. Certainly Obi-Wan couldn't let either girl be harmed. He would have no choice but to stay and become the Emperor's new apprentice.
The Emperor had much to prepare for before Obi-Wan came and he got right to it; counting the days before Obi-Wan would become his apprentice.
Okay, that's it for this chapter. Hope you liked it.
Chapter 9
"Why did you become a Jedi?"
Nerbell had asked Obi-Wan this question before and he thought he'd answered it thoroughly, but apparently not since she was asking it again.
Obi-Wan looked at Nerbell and said, "Because I wanted to."
"Yeah, but how did you know what you wanted since you started so young?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I mean, they take away the kids so early, sometimes they're still infants and then they cram their ideas into their young, impressionable minds, and then they expect you to obey their code blindly. How do you know that being a Jedi is something that you actually wanted yourself or something that they made you believe in?"
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows and said, "Where is all this coming from?"
"It's not coming from anywhere. I was just interested in knowing your thoughts. It's sort of like those fanatic parents who push their child to sing or to participate in a sport. The kids have no choice but to do it and once they get older, they rebel against it because they never really wanted it in the first place. I was just wondering if you ever thought about that or knew a Jedi who was going through that."
Obi-Wan sighed and said, "Well, I have thought about it. A lot actually, especially when I was in my teenage years. I was around 14 or so and Qui-Gon was pushing me so hard. It seemed like I couldn't do anything right. When I tried to do things to please him, he would tell me not to please him and that I should do things to please myself. When I did do things that I wanted to do, I would get into trouble because I was breaking a code. It seemed like every other day I was breaking a new rule that I didn't even knew existed. It was frustrating, but I fought through it. I realized that all of the other padawans were going through the same thing. We all got together, like a little support group, and we really leaned on each other and helped each other out. It was rough, but we all got through it. Now, we're all successful Jedi Knights and I don't think any one of us regrets it. I love what I do and I know that coming here wasn't my choice at first, but it's my choice now. I wouldn't give up being a Jedi for anything."
Nerbell inwardly cursed. Her plan was to get close to Obi-Wan, put doubts into his head about the real reasons why he was a Jedi, then plant the seed of anger towards the Jedi, let it grow and then slowly lead him into the dark side. With his sincere speech about how he loves being a Jedi, it spoiled all of those plans. How was she going to explain this to the Emperor?
"What's wrong", asked Obi-Wan.
"Oh, nothing really."
"Sweetheart, I know when something is bothering you. Are you having these feelings?"
"What feelings?"
"Feelings about how you became a Healer? I mean, they probably took you also when you were very young to start your training. Are you starting to doubt the reasons for you being a Healer?"
Bingo! Nerbell had a new angle. Perhaps she could put a guilt trip on Obi-Wan.
"Yes, actually I am. It's a very difficult job and it's not very rewarding."
"Not rewarding?"
"Well, don't get me wrong. When I was doing my training, I thought I could do this for the rest of my life. I felt like I was making a real difference….."
"You are."
"But, once I started working here, I just feel hollow, you know? Like I just work day after day and I'm not enjoying myself. I'm wondering now if the only reason why I'm still doing it is because I spent a good portion of my life training for it. Like, when you pick a career and you do several steps to reach your goal and you finally do, but then realize it's not what you wanted. It's hard to try something different because you put so much time and effort into that one thing."
"And you don't want to disappoint anyone?"
"Exactly!"
Obi-Wan sat down next to Nerbell and held her. "Are you trying to say that you no longer want to be a Healer?"
"Yes, that's what I'm saying. I want to leave the Temple."
"What about us?"
Nerbell positioned her body so that she was looking Obi-Wan in the eyes.
"Obi-Wan, I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"I want that too. You mean more to me than I thought possible."
"Just because I'm leaving the Temple doesn't mean that we have to stop seeing each other."
"Yes, but we will see each other less."
"That is true, but that's okay because……"
When Nerbell didn't finish her sentence after a few moments, Obi-Wan said, "Because what, darling?"
Nerbell, starting her crocodile tears, said, "I just feel like you don't really love me."
"Nerbell, how can you say that? You know that I love you."
"Do I? Ever since I got here, you've been hung up on Guinevere."
"Guinevere? I haven't talked about her in the longest time."
"I know her name has never left your lips, but she's always in your thoughts and in your heart."
Obi-Wan sighed, "Look, Nerbell, I'll admit that Guinevere was probably my first love and I say probably because I'm still confused about my feelings for her….."
"So you admit that you still think about her since you're still confused about how you felt!"
"No, no, no, it's not like that. All I'm saying is, Guinevere was special to me, but now she's gone. You're not gone though. You're here now and I love you and I want to be with you and only with you, Nerbell. You must believe me when I say this."
"I don't know, Obi-Wan."
"Nerbell, please. I've known Guinevere for only a few weeks, but I've known you for a year. You're special to me."
"Yes, but Guinevere must have been more special since you fell in love with her only after a few weeks and are still carrying a torch for her."
Nerbell started to cry more and Obi-Wan tried to comfort her as much as he could.
"Nerbell, please. I don't know what to say or do to make things better."
"I know what you can do to prove your love for me."
"What?"
"Leave the Temple with me."
"What?! Are you insane? I can't leave the Temple. I love being a Jedi."
"Love being a Jedi more than loving me?!"
"No, of course not, but I've always been a Jedi and I want to be a Jedi."
"Yes, but you also said that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, right?"
"Yes, of course, I do."
"Well, to me that means marriage. Why can't you just leave the Jedi and just be my husband?"
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and said, "Nerbell, do you realize how difficult it would be to leave the Temple?"
"It'll be difficult for me too."
"Yes, but you're a Healer so it'll be easier on you. It will take a lot of convincing to leave."
"So, you're saying you would leave with me?"
"Where are we to go though?"
"Well, in all honesty, I already have another job lined up and one for you too if you're interested."
"What kind of a job?"
"We'll worry about that later. Will you leave the Jedi to be with me?"
"I don't want to. I want to be with you and be a Jedi."
Nerbell got up from the couch and said, "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, but you have to choose. Me or the Jedi?"
When Obi-Wan didn't answer her, Nerbell, headed to the door.
"Wait!" yelled Obi-Wan.
"Yes?"
Obi-Wan got up and walked towards Nerbell.
"I do love you, Nerbell, but I'm not sure if I love you enough to leave the Jedi. I will make a compromise though."
"What?"
"I will go with you and check out your new job and the new job that you want me to take. We'll spend a week or so there, trying to adjust, and we'll see how I like it. If I do like it, then I'll leave the Jedi, although it won't be easy, and we'll get married and start our new lives together. If I don't like it, however, I will leave and go back with the Jedi, but you must come back with me. You don't have to keep your old Healer job with me, but you must accept the fact that I tried it your way, but I want the old way back. Okay?"
"Okay that sounds fine, but you really gotta give it a chance, Obi-Wan."
"I promise to give it a real chance. Does this prove that I love you?"
"Yes, it does! I'm so happy you're doing this."
Nerbell hugged Obi-Wan and Obi said, "Well, I'm not guaranteeing anything, but I will promise you to give it a shot. Now all I have to do is convince the Council to grant me a weeks vacation."
After Nerbell and Obi-Wan parted ways, Nerbell contacted the Emperor and told him of her status. He was very pleased. The Emperor had decided to trick the Jedi. Nerbell would bring him to their Temple, but they would disguise themselves as a rebel group. They were not on the good side and they were not on the dark side. This group would give their assistance to anyone who requested that were "regular folk", neither liking the Sith nor the Jedi.
Once Obi-Wan had seen that his new work would be just like his old Jedi work and he would be able to spend all of his free time with Nerbell just as before, he would certainly take the position. Once he had given the promise to stay on and he had left the Jedi, only then would the Emperor reveal himself and tell Obi-Wan that he had really joined forces with the Sith.
He probably wouldn't want to stay then, but the Emperor would have two advantages over Obi-Wan; Nerbell and his beloved Guinevere. If he had tried to leave and not do everything the Emperor tells him to do, both women would lose their lives. Certainly Obi-Wan couldn't let either girl be harmed. He would have no choice but to stay and become the Emperor's new apprentice.
The Emperor had much to prepare for before Obi-Wan came and he got right to it; counting the days before Obi-Wan would become his apprentice.
Okay, that's it for this chapter. Hope you liked it.