He watched Sarah's eyes close and moved instantly to catch her as she fainted. She put her faith in him and continued to draw comfort from his presence, making her welfare his responsibility. "We should get her downstairs," he proclaimed, speaking rapidly, drawing on his training, his knowledge. His expertise. Forgetting the people that stood around him. She was his only concern and he wasn't going to cause her any more stress. "I'll go with her," he continued. "Some others should go with me. She needs to wake up in familiar surroundings."
And then he felt the head of the security team's eyes on him. Baring down, almost hard enough to make him flinch. Mark Ward's mind invaded his senses and he didn't have the concentration to push back the sudden blow. "What?" came the question in a voice that sounded more like a growl.
And then he understood. Confusion from everybody including...her. Sloan Parker. The woman who'd been the victim when he'd lost control. He had to explain. Sarah's life depended on it. Resigned to his fate, and the time denied him when he'd been sent outside in the aftermath, Chris shook his head, his light hair covering his blue eyes. "I'm not who you think," he began, slowly. Thinking of every single word before it touched his tongue. Keeping his shields down so that the rest of the dominants...his species...knew he was being honest. "I was groomed by Ian Copeland…to be a researcher."
One of the humans, the one who owned the apartment, Ed Tate, seemed to shudder at the mention of the name. Chris was able to catch a blast of sadness, confusion and vulnerability from that human male, so much of it that he had a hard time staying on his feet. He watched as the woman..Sloan...the reason he was speaking these words in the first place, walked towards Ed and put her arm around him, as if she were trying to protect him. He wasn't sure what hit him more.
Regardless of anything else, he had to continue, to finish what he'd started. He looked at Ed, in a way that he thought was sympathetic. Both of them had been betrayed in some way, most likely the same one, by Ian Copeland. "While he went to complete his plans," Chris continued, in a voice that hoped was audible. "I was sent by the council to inspect what Ann Coulter was doing… I'm a few credits short of a PhD…stopped studying because of Ann…"
As he felt the emotional walls breaking down, the tears ran down his cheeks before he could stop them. He shifted, still holding Sarah in his arms, more burdened by the pain of the loss he was finally allowing himself to feel than the weight of her body.
And then there was curiosity, odd appreciation. Shock. He blinked his eyes and turned towards the source. The woman. Sloan. She was staring at him, barely able to keep her mouth closed. "The mysterious A…."
Chris forced his pride in what he'd written to the back of his mind, dubious that it was actually ...his paper that Dr. Coulter had given an A to. He tried to keep professional, detached. Well as detached as he could be considering how...terrible he must appear to look. "If the paper had anything to do with cultural patterns in Highland Scotland," he replied, swallowing, feeling the redness in his throat. "Then yes…it's me."
The head of the security team raised his eyebrows. Shocked. "But you…"
Chris nodded. Sure of himself. His position and where it really lay in this world. Her last gift to him, he mused. Once he'd heard that his doctoral thesis had gotten an A, telling the truth about himself was so much easier...but the words. He swallowed, tried to find the words to use to explain the emotion...the truth behind his actions. "But I fell in love with what she was doing and how she did it. The study and the information…as a researcher. I falsified my reports and began a true study of my own…towards a degree." He shook his head, remembering how difficult his initial decision had been, and how easy his life had become after that point. Finding his purpose was an epiphany that he'd never expected possible, and actually living it was a complete other. "I forgot for a while," he continued, half lost in a daze. "Went to Scotland…finished the paper. Faxed it…but heard nothing. I came back…" And then. The thoughts of what happened...what awaited him upon his return were just too much....
At that point, for the first time in the entire conversation, he felt understanding. Understanding and compassion. The room seemed aglow with it, more than his senses could handle. But it didn't make him feel any better...inside or out. The only thing that kept him going on this path of no return was Sarah. She seemed to be resting peacefully at this point, but he didn't want to take any chances. And so, for her sake, he swallowed his emotions, his pride and pushed ahead "Ann was murdered," he burst out in a voice that he felt every syllable of. Inevitability, the sense of loss and his complete inability to deal with it. It was mindblowing, even now, months, years later. "And I joined the security force…I don't have…control. They never thought I needed to learn it." He looked down at his feet, trying to keep his eyes from the piteous glances that everybody else in the room would most likely be giving him.
Once he'd regained the composure that he seemed to loose at every single twist and turn of his tale, he looked into the green eyes of the woman who needed to hear his speech the most. "I'm sorry," he made out, fighting the impulse to close his shields with everything he had. He needed to know if they believed him, understood him. Accepted him. "I.. know you probably won't forgive me …but…"
He braced himself for the inevitable backlash, for the pain that he expected...but all he felt...sensed...was understanding. Sympathy. Chris held back a sigh of relief as he heard the chief of security voice his approval...acknowledgment that the narrative was factual, and not just painful. "It all makes sense."
**
Minutes later, he, Ed and Sloan headed downstairs to Sarah's apartment. Together they passed through the still broken door. He left Sloan and Ed to sit in the living room, while he headed back to put Sarah under the heavy down comforter in her bedroom. He sighed, relieved that she was still... sleeping.
Once Sarah was in bed, he came back to see that Ed and Sloan had made themselves comfortable on one of the living room couches. He smiled and sat down on a chair located right in front of the window, not really caring about sitting in front of the television. He looked outside and saw the parking lot, the street outside and the distant lights of the library beyond .
As his eyes wandered, Chris tried to remember what he could do. And then he remembered. "She mentioned something about the best hot chocolate in the universe..."
All of a sudden there was a piercing scream. He jumped out of the chair, ran across the carpeted floor , into the hall and back into Sarah's bedroom.