Disclaimers listed in chapter one.  Nothing has changed.  It's still not mine!

When Living is No Longer Enough

Chapter Two

"…and so we were hoping that you might agree to take over Severus' classes tomorrow and perhaps for the next several days if necessary," Minerva concluded as she looked to Hermione and awaited her answer.

"Well, taking over his classes tomorrow won't be a problem as I only have the seventh year Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs in the afternoon but what about the next couple of days? I have several classes that run concurrently with Professor Snape's classes throughout the remainder of the week," Hermione asked.

"Albus will take over any charms classes that are in direct conflict with the potions classes so you needn't worry about that," the transfigurations professor assured her.

"Of course I'll do it," Hermione answered biting nervously on her bottom lip "but I don't think that Professor Snape will be too happy about any of this.  I mean, I don't remember him missing a class even once in the entire seven years that I was a student here and he hasn't missed any classes in the past two years that I've been teaching here either.  Not to mention the fact that it's me of all people that will be invading his dungeons."

"I wouldn't worry too much about all of that dear," her mentor said coming to sit beside the young woman and patting her hand in a well-meant gesture of comfort.  Severus doesn't dislike you any more than he dislikes the rest of us."

"Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better," the young Gryffindor muttered as an amused grin lit her petite facial features.   "The man has barely spoken a dozen words to me the entire time since I returned to Hogwart's and I swear that he goes out of his way to avoid me entirely.  I mean honestly, can you imagine him being pleased when he hears of this arrangement?"

"I can't imagine Severus being pleased about much of anything other than deducting House points, especially from Gryffindor, however I still maintain that he will adjust to your stepping in for a couple of days at most," Minerva replied as she stood up from the small couch and crossed the room to the door. "Just don't expect any words of thanks from him," she said with a glint of amusement in both her eyes and voice. 

"Are you kidding?  I'd give better odds that the Slytherin and Gryffindor houses will become best friends before that would ever happen" the young witch laughed but almost immediately sobered as she asked, "Professor, he will be alright won't he?"

"I hope so," McGonagall answered quietly.  "I just don't know how much more of all of this he can take without…"

"I know, but surely this means that Voldemort has discovered that he's a spy? I mean, he can't seriously consider going back after all of this can he?" the once head girl asked worriedly. 

"I don't see how he can and I can't imagine Albus letting him attend any more summons after what happened tonight" her former professor replied "but Severus is as stubborn and hard headed as they come.  He would have made a good Gryffindor in that respect but don't you dare tell him I said so!" she said smiling.

"No, Gryffindor would be negative house points for the next several years if he were to ever hear of such a thing" Hermione said chuckling at the very thought of her former potions master's face at receiving such a compliment from anyone.  "It's just that with all he's done for the Light, we'll be hard pressed without the information he's provided over the years.  Yet, if he continues like this he'll get himself killed and I wouldn't want to see something like that happen…" her voice trailed off as she was suddenly filled with a sense of loss at the thought of him no longer being around to instill fear into students found out after curfew or to deduct house points or make snide comments in that dark silky voice… Pulling back from whatever unknown place she had just digressed to, Hermione looked to the transfigurations professor and simply shrugged her shoulders as she tried to convey her thoughts.

"I understand," Minerva said kindly.  "We would all miss Severus' cranky demeanor if something were to happen.  We'll just have to maintain a close eye on him and ensure that he remains out of harm's way.  Of course we'll have to see to it that he doesn't know that we're keeping an eye on him" she added smiling.  "Goodnight dear and thank you."

It was several minutes after Minerva McGonagall had left that Hermione realized she was still standing in the open doorway lost somewhere in her thoughts.  Closing the door, she undressed and snuggled under the covers on the large four-poster mahogany bed and thought about the following day.  'Double potions class with the Slytherins and Gryffindors she thought to herself wryly 'now there's an experience I had hoped never to repeat once I left my student days behind.' But it wasn't the classes or house rivalries that caused her forehead to crease in worry and confusion.  It was the unmistakable feeling of foreboding that settled over her.  A feeling that something very bad was about to happen and while she couldn't say exactly what she thought that might be, she could say one thing with absolute certainty.  It had everything to do with Severus Snape.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Severus woke the next morning to the sounds of china clinking on a silver tray as it was placed carefully on his dresser by an elderly house-elf.  The smell of scones, bacon and eggs filled the room and he noticed a copy of the Daily Prophet resting by the side of the tray, neatly folded and awaiting his perusal.

Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, he sighed when he realized that it was after nine in the morning.  'That infernal excuse of a medic must have slipped some dreamless sleep potion in my tea last night' he thought in disgust as he shakily made his way to the bathroom to begin his morning cleansing rituals.  Half an hour later he immerged clad in a black silk robe and was busily towel drying his hair. Failing to notice the figure standing in the corner, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a familiar voice.

"Good morning Severus," the headmaster said cheerfully as he carefully scrutinized his friend to determine his current state of health. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I'd feel a damn sight better if you'd stop creeping up on me," the potions master grumbled.  "One would think that someone would have taught you to knock prior to entering a person's chambers somewhere along the line in the last one hundred and fifty years."

Laughing at the intended rebuke on his manners, Dumbledore merely replied, "I did call over but when you didn't answer I decided that it might be prudent to investigate and make certain that you were indeed alright."

"Well as you can see, I am just fine Albus.  Now stop hovering over me like some damnable mother hen and leave me in peace.  It's bad enough that I am consigned to my room like some errant child without having to worry about everyone popping in and invading my personal space whenever the urge strikes," the younger man groused.

"Hmmmm, scones, eggs, bacon, coffee, tea, juice…  It looks like the house-elves decided to present you with a sampling of this morning's entire breakfast menu" he said handing a mug of black coffee to his friend.

"If nothing else, it gives them something to do," Snape muttered but gratefully accepted the steaming mug of coffee as he sank down into one of the plush brown leather chairs nearest the fire. 

"You realize that the staff is worried about you don't you?  We invade your space only because we care about your well-being," Albus said as he pulled a lemon drop out of his pocket and dropped it into his mouth. 

"I very much doubt that.  I have given them no reason to concern themselves with such foolish sentimentality and I daresay their lives would have proceeded as normal whether I had lived or died last night," Snape said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice as he reached for a scone.

"You can't really believe that Severus," Dumbledore exclaimed in dismay as he carefully studied the blank expression on the younger man's face.  "In addition to being one of our biggest allies in the fight against Voldemort, we all consider you to be a friend and I am certain that none of us would be either pleased or indifferent had the worst actually happened last night."

Severus looked at his long time friend and carefully surveyed the aged blue eyes that usually contained the look of several lifetimes worth of wisdom and was astonished to find that they now held emotions of sorrow and dismay.   He knew that Albus cared about him in terms of his importance to the resistance but it never ceased to amaze him that the older man could consider him to be of importance in any other capacity, especially that of a friend.  After all, the wizened wizard was the one person who truly knew of the despicable acts and unforgivable atrocities that he had committed during the few short years in which he had served as one of Voldemort's most loyal Death Eaters.

"Alright, so maybe you would miss me but I can't imagine it of anyone else," he relented. "And how in Merlin's name do you expect me to serve the Light now that Voldemort is aware of my duplicity?  I can't very well do much spying imprisoned within the castle now can I?"

"You might be surprised at what you can do and at all of those who would be willing to help you if you would only allow them to do so" the headmaster replied quietly knowing that he must tread cautiously as Snape was in no mood to hear, let alone believe, that he still played a valuable part in the lives of those around him and to those in the wizarding world as a whole.

"What can I do?" Severus asked resignedly knowing that Albus must have something in mind if he was going to so much trouble to convince him of his own self-worth. 

"Potions, for one thing.  You are the one of the most revered potions masters in the entire wizarding world.  Can you honestly sit there and tell me that you would not be of use to the Order when you have such well-honed skills and talents?  Can you honestly not see the possibilities of research in the potions field?  Research that one day may be able to help fight off unforgivables or that might even be used against Voldemort himself to bring about his eventual downfall? What about your knowledge of the Dark Arts or even your knowledge of Voldemort himself? Do you honestly think that these things could not aid us in our struggle against the dark?" the headmaster asked incredulously wondering exactly what could be going on in the troubled mind of his friend. 

"I don't know Albus, but I will consider your words.  In the meantime, I have to prepare for next weeks' lessons.  Although I imagine that I needn't bother as I will probably find myself in need of repeating this weeks' lessons since Granger is instructing my students even as we speak," the potions master retorted.

"Hermione is a good person Severus and an excellent teacher.  Perhaps if you would let yourself see beyond her years as a student in your classroom than you would be able to see these traits for yourself," Dumbledore said quietly.

"She's an absolute know-it-all and doesn't miss an opportunity to flaunt that fact," Snape returned with a snarl.

"She was a know-it-all Severus, but she is not so any longer.  It couldn't have been easy for her to be thrown into a world in which she knew absolutely nothing about.  She was alone and felt a need to prove herself.  Especially considering the taunts and jibes that people like Draco Malfoy constantly threw out at her regarding her parentage," the older man answered.

"She was never alone, she always had Potter and Weasley running around her like some damnable defense team," Severus said remembering back to Hermione's school days when the only time she could be found away from the Boy-Who-Must-Be-Glorified and his hot-tempered side-kick was when she was studying in the library.  

"That was a long time ago Severus.  She is an adult now.  Harry is attending to his Auror duties and barely gets the time to owl let alone visit Hermione and Ron has been so tied up with the latest investigations into muggle attacks that the same holds true for him.  She is quite knowledgeable in the field of potions and whilst you may not choose to verbalize this fact, you may want to consider that she could be of assistance to you should you decide to take up researching in the additional spare time which you now find yourself faced with" Albus said as he stood to take his leave.  "Perhaps it is time to leave the past…in the past, not only for Hermione's sake, but for your own as well."

Severus sat there staring into the fireplace that now housed the remnants of a fire that had all but died out.  "Perhaps it is time to leave the past in the past" the headmaster had said.  'But how is one supposed to do that when there is physical evidence that blaringly stares you in the face on a daily basis reminding you of every foul deed you've ever done and every bad decision you had the foolish misfortune to make?' he questioned himself as he rolled up the sleeve of his bathrobe and stared at the faded outline of the dark mark.  'How can I leave such things in the past knowing that no matter what good I attempt it will never be enough to make up for the evil I once embraced?' he thought dejectedly.  Pondering over these thoughts, Snape was surprised to find that several hours had gone by when he looked up to see a house-elf delivering his afternoon meal. 

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 TBC