Disclaimers: Refer to Chapter One
When Living is No Longer Enough…
Chapter Eight
Dinner in the Great Hall was a somber affair for the teachers that evening. Conversations alternated between tales of some of the more noteworthy escapades that Ginny had participated in during her student days and discussions regarding Draco and his newly discovered activities for the Order. Hermione had managed to stay quiet throughout most of the meal contributing occasional responses when required. Her primary focus was an attempt to keep a covert eye on the potions master in an effort to gauge his current thoughts on the situation. She had looked up to catch him staring thoughtfully at her several times but each time their eyes would meet, he would quickly divert his attention back to his own meal.
'Typical Slytherin,' she thought to herself, her mouth forming her first real smile of the day. 'I should know better than to try and read him. After all, he's been hiding his thoughts and feelings for more than twenty years.' Finishing the confection of chocolate mousse that had magically appeared on her dessert plate, she stood up and bid a quiet good night to the other professors. Sending a small smile in Snape's direction, she exited the Hall and returned to the solitude of her quarters.
Two hours later she was startled from her thoughts by a sharp knock at the door. 'It's probably Minerva,' she thought to herself. Pulling her dressing gown tightly around her body, she opened the door and was surprised to find the tall lean form of Severus Snape standing in the doorway.
"Prof.. I mean Severus," she stammered, caught off guard. "What brings you here this evening?"
"I was on my way back to the dungeons and thought that I would stop in and make certain that you are alright," he replied uneasily, noticing she had already undressed for the evening. 'I should have waited until the morning for this,' he thought to himself as his heart rate sped up just a fraction at seeing Hermione clad in so much less than her usual school robes or muggle apparel.
"That was very thoughtful of you," she replied standing back and opening the door to admit him into her chambers.
Severus walked in and took a brief look around the rooms that practically shouted Hermione's name. The room was decorated in a mixture of deep burgundy and hunter's green colors and generated a feeling of warmth that had nothing to do with the roaring fire blazing in the fireplace. Although the room was comfortable, it was not overstated and did not boast of a lot of girlish knick-knacks that so many other women always insisted on decorating with. Instead, the bulk of the shelves were taken up with books. If a person did not know the Gryffindor witch had a love for books prior to entering her rooms, then they would have no doubt by the time they left.
Returning to her favorite chair, Hermione indicated for Severus to take a seat and offered a drink. "So,' she began after the silence had stretched on for several minutes, 'how did your visit with Miss Saunton go last night?"
Glad to have a topic of conversation that he felt at least somewhat comfortable with, Snape began recounting the details of his conversation with Emily the previous night.
"You really think she might give in to her father and become a Death Eater?" she asked incredulously.
"It's certainly a possibility," Snape replied allowing his severe demeanor to drop slightly. "I think that the next few months will be difficult for her."
Shaking her head sorrowfully, Hermione carefully placed her hand on his arm. "You'll help her see her way out," she said softly. 'She's really quite lucky to have you on her side."
Her praise made him slightly uncomfortable but surprisingly her touch did not. Leaning forward and taking her hand in both of his he looked into her eyes hoping to find the answers to so many unasked questions. "So, how about you Hermione?" he asked gently. "How are you coping with everything that has recently happened?"
Blushing as a result of the combination of his soft touch on her skin and the warmth in his voice, she glanced up at him shyly. "I'm okay," she tried to assure him.
"Are you?" he asked, the baritone of his voice sending small shivers down her spine. "Ginny was a close friend wasn't she?" he asked. "You can't just lose someone and expect yourself to carry on as if everything is alright."
"I have no choice but to tell myself that everything will be alright," she said more sharply than she had intended. "My acting otherwise won't change anything or bring her back. It won't help Harry or Ron or anyone else if I just fall to pieces."
"No, it won't" he acknowledged. He had known that she would try to bury her feelings once the initial shock had passed. It was the same way she handled everything else. Focus on the problem and if it can't be fixed then focus on a problem that can be until the original problem fades far enough into the background to become manageable. They were really so much alike in that respect but he knew the potential problems that could arise from such actions and he wasn't about to allow her to withdraw into herself only to have it all come crashing down to shatter her carefully constructed world at a later time.
"What about you?" she asked tentatively, worried that he might withdraw behind the cold mask he had shown to most people for so many years.
"What about me?" he questioned uncomfortably looking away from chocolate brown eyes that looked as if they were trying to decipher the mystery of his very soul.
"Well, Albus said that you and Draco were pretty close. His death has to bother you somewhat" she replied.
"I'm fine. In this line of work one learns that death can be handed out as quickly as a hall pass to a student. I will merely adjust and move on" he said matter-of-factly.
"Now who is repressing their emotions?" she asked flippantly "It is not reasonable to expect that you can just push Draco's death aside. Even if he were killed in some ordinary type of accident it wouldn't be wise to push your memories or your feelings aside. The fact that he was killed by Death Eaters while working undercover for the Order just makes it all the worse."
"You know nothing of it!" he sneered as the icy blackness of his eyes bore holes through her.
Momentarily recoiling at the suppressed anger in his voice, Hermione remained silent and merely studied the man in front of her. 'How do I handle this?' she asked herself knowing that an overt display of emotion would only serve to drive him away.
'Damn the woman!' Snape thought to himself as he tried to school his facial features into the all too familiar mask of indifference. He had just about succeeded when he noticed her eyes glistening ever so slightly. Groaning to himself, he pushed aside his feelings of intrusion and looked directly at the young woman who sat before him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly and waited for her reaction to his words.
Nothing could have surprised Hermione more than those two simple words. Actually, it wasn't the words themselves but the fact they were spoken by none other than Severus Snape, master creator of sarcasm and snide comebacks extraordinaire. A man that had, for so many years, consciously chosen to handle emotional situations with ridicule and mocking rather than allow anyone to see beneath the surface.
The potions master must have seen the disbelief in her eyes because when she finally dared to trust her emotions enough to look up at him, she saw a full blown smile graced his facial features. A smile that sent her senses reeling and set nerve endings tingling that she wasn't even aware she had.
"Yes, even I can apologize from time to time," he told her with a smirk. "Although if you allow that information to leave the confines of this room, I will make certain that I deduct enough house points from Gryffindor to ensure it never again claims victory over that ridiculous house cup."
"Noted," she answered with a shy smile. "Although I'm sure there would be a more than a few people who would pay countless of galleons to hear that such a thing is possible. An apology I mean, not the denial of the house cup."
"Perhaps," he allowed. "The headmaster spoke with me last night in regards to an assignment he wishes for me to take on. He also felt that your knowledge of potions might be helpful in supplying a different perspective. Has he mentioned anything to you?"
"No. We haven't really spoken since last night and I have been so caught up in checking on Ron and Harry and the rest of the Weasley's that I'm afraid I haven't been very accessible today. What type of project is this and how can I be of any help?"
"Simply put, Albus wants me, or us if you agree, to come up with a potion that will destroy Voldemort. Or, if not destroy him, then weaken him to such an extent that someone else may step in to finish the job" he said watching her face carefully to gauge her reactions to working side by side with him as well as to the attempt on Voldemort's life.
Biting her lower lip, she stared vacantly back at him while her thoughts rushed through so many different scenarios. 'Work with him? Create a potion? Kill Voldemort? Work with him?' In the end she settled for a neutral response by merely asking "Is such a thing possible? I thought Voldemort was practically indestructible."
Breathing a sigh of relief that her first concern voiced wasn't some sort of repulsion to him personally, he merely shrugged as he answered her truthfully, "It will be difficult and I'm not certain where to even begin but that doesn't mean that it is not possible. Does this mean that you would be willing to assist me in this task?"
"Of course," the young witch replied obviously puzzled that he might actually think she would object to such collaboration. She loved the potions field but didn't have too much cause to study the art in-depth as she did back in University. 'That's not the only thing you want to study in-depth' an inner voice whispered in her mind.
"Perhaps we could meet tomorrow after lunch to discuss schedules and different approaches which we might consider pursuing?" he asked.
"That would be fine" she replied quietly, sensing that the unexpected visit was just about at an end.
Sure enough, Snape stood at that moment. "Very well. I will take my leave and see you tomorrow afternoon."
Escorting him to the door, Hermione was surprised when he turned back to her and stared silently for a brief moment. Reaching into one of the pockets of his robe, he pulled out a long narrow vial and carefully placed it in her hand, softly caressed her fingers. "I noticed at dinner that you appeared to be over-tired. Knowing your proximity to the persons involved in last night's events, I assume that you probably managed to obtain very little, if any, sleep last night and I doubt that tonight will be any different. The vial contains an enhanced dreamless sleep potion that is just slightly stronger than the usual version dispensed by Madam Pomfrey. It should allow you to rest peacefully. Please consider using it as you will need to be well rested for our meeting tomorrow." And with that, he laid a soft kiss on her fingers, released her hand, and exited the room.
Hermione was in such a state of shock at the uncharacteristic display of concern and tenderness that she simply stood there for several minutes while the echoes of his footsteps on the stone floors faded away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC
So? What do you think? I'd love to know how many of you are still with me so PLEASE review (consider it a Christmas gift VBG). Hope you're having a happy holiday season and take care. ~Jules