"Is Kimon-chan there?"
"Depends. Who is this?"
Brief silence. "Her boyfriend."
"I told you a week ago she didn't want to talk to you. She hasn't changed her mind."
Anger sparked a little at Ataki-san's attitude. "Well I'm not leaving until I talk to her." He insisted, trying to keep his voice polite. It would do no good to yell at Ataki-san, as the door wouldn't open otherwise. He sighed and took a step back...wondering how he got into this mess. Ataki-san wasn't THE most charitable person in the world and it was hard to be friendly to a parent who didn't treat you with respect back.
Cye was brought out of his frustration when the silence broke by a small hiss of the intercom. "Cye-chan...what're you...doing here?"
His brow furrowed in worry. She sounded EXTREMELY exhausted! Gods...what was she DOING to herself?? "I came to talk to you Kimon-chan." He answered, mentally crossing his fingers. "I'm tired of you avoiding me. We need to talk."
More silence accompanied his order. He wondered if she was going back to ignoring him, at least for today. If only the door wasn't a security lock. At least the day was a nice one if he had to be kept outside...waiting in protest.
Silence continued and he slouched next to the intercom with a sigh. He was wondering if it was becoming a mistake to even bring it UP. But...didn't he DESERVE to know about her life? He didn't have any secrets, save for the whole Ronin Warrior thing, and wouldn't hesitate to tell her anything ELSE from his life.
Suddenly, an almost hesitant shuffling sounded behind him. Whipping around, he came face to face with a bedraggled Kimon standing on the other side of the door. Her hair didn't look brushed or even washed for today. She wasn't even wearing actual clothes; she was still in her walking sweats. She looked tired and worn out. His heart went out to her.
He stared back in anxious hope, waiting for her to turn the handle. All he needed was for her to turn it and he'd be in... Then, he wasn't going to let her out of his sight until she explained what was going on! He was worried about her, knowing she always took better care of herself than this. She either didn't care anymore, or whatever was going on in her head took up her attention and she was over thinking something and ignoring everything else. It might've been both for all he knew, but he knew he had to put a stop to this.
"Kimon-chan." He softly called, fingers lightly touching the glass. Emotionless gray stared up at him, as if looking through him. "Come on...open the door Kimon-chan." She kept staring at him as if she hadn't heard him. She didn't even blink. Both hands remained listless at her sides. What was she thinking??
Finally, one hand slowly rose and gradually turned the security handle. As the door peeked out by mere inches, he swung quickly it open and grasped one arm. Cye yanked her to him and tightly held her...feeling her struggle a little in his embrace. "I'm not letting go of you Kimon-chan, so stop FIGHTING me." He harshly whispered.
Kimon struggled for a few seconds before giving up. It was mostly by surprise that she struggled, not knowing in a million years he'd decimate their space like that and hug her. It was on instinctive reaction to get away from what was so close and binding...and what she couldn't see. And...perhaps a little bit of her WAS struggling to put some distance from them. She couldn't think with his arms around her, even if her head hurt enough as it WAS.
She slumped against his frame, part exhaustion and part begrudging acceptance. Her eyes fluttered closed as she breathed in his scent...having missed being held by his strong arms. She was driving herself to hell by comparing all the pros and cons of telling him but she couldn't help it. So many doubts and angles she was trying to think about. The decision was crucial; he would be the first person she ever breathed a word to, as far as details were concerned, and she had to pick her words carefully.
She was starting to regret distancing them, as Cye said, and it was weighing on her as much as telling him was. She missed his presence and the agitation from her father was only making things worse. He asked a few questions about Cye, wondering what was up with the boy and wanting an explanation, but she was just too tired to tell him everything. Aroon wasn't exactly the same person she remembered from before and talking to him was like pulling teeth. There was no such thing as a polite conversation. And she didn't feel comfortable sharing her private life with someone like him...she didn't want to feel judged like that.
She felt a small, brief pressure on the top of her head and blinked. Gray slowly moved up feeling tears gather against her eyes. How could such a soft kiss hold so much comfort and reassurance?? Before she knew it, she couldn't hold the floodgates of emotion back anymore. It was just getting too hard to keep everything at bay with Cye when all she wanted to do was be accepted for who she was. Recently, she wanted that and only that with him. She wanted nothing more than to keep dating Cye...but without anything standing in their way. Deciding this was the hardest thing she ever had to do...but she had to admit, she was swaying a little on the decision. Being away from him was helping the part that wanted to tell him.
Her tears damped his shirt and touched her skin. She didn't feel it, nor did she care to move so she wouldn't drench his shirt. Did he even know she was crying right now?? Perhaps, perhaps not...but his arms DID tighten a little more... Gods...how could one single person hold so much forgiveness and caring?? Why couldn't SHE be like that too? She was polite, but it was nothing compared to Cye. She couldn't hold a candle to his character. She really was a brat still...she was just showing it a different way. All those times thinking she changed...she hadn't.
So why did Cye continue to hang around if she was so insolent? What made him stay with her for nearly seven months already? This was the first problem they really had, and it was mostly directed from HER end of the relationship. She never meant for this to happen, but she couldn't take it back NOW...even if part of her wanted to. If she knew it would end up like this...would she still hold back and run away? Or would she put everything aside and bear with the harrowing emotions and tell him? She didn't know. It was still hard KNOWING it happened, telling Cye wouldn't be any better.
"Cye...-chan... I...I'm..." The muffled words died as she couldn't find words to rectify her mistake. She wanted to apologize, if only for ignoring him for a solid week, but didn't really know how. How did you apologize for something you purposely DID? Gray timidly looked up, feeling he was listening to her. When she squinted at the harsh light suddenly brought on from the afternoon, more tears escaped the corners of her eyes. "I...I don't know what...to say to...apologize to you..." Her head shamefully ducked. "I...I'm so...horrid for...pushing you away..."
Another pressure on her head got a shaky breath. It stilled in her lungs as she looked up to him again, partly in curiosity for his forgiving nature. Her brow furrowed upwards in need for understanding. "Why...why? How can you be so......lenient for what I've DONE?"
How did he really answer that? The simplest thing would be to say what he realized only days before. But she was in such a fragile state of mind right now; he didn't want to scare her even more than she already was. She was so unsure and timid; he hated seeing that person again. He liked the more confident, carefree Kimon Ataki he grew to love. Though he wasn't biased when it came to her personality, as he loved EVERYTHING about her, she lived so much more when she was happy.
He gave a small sigh and only held her tighter. That was the EASY way to answer. He knew he would have to tell her SOONER or later about his emotions. But right now, he had to get her to talk to him...and he felt guilty for wanting her to when she looked like THIS. Like she got five minutes of sleep last night and just got out of bed!
"Whatever you do to get her to talk, don't let her dodge the question. You CAN'T let her keep avoiding you like she is over whatever happened in her past! It's...eating her alive."
Those tired words rang in his head. His resolve hardened. He promised Mia, AND himself, that he would figure out what was going on. And if he had to push her, even farther than what Mia tried, then he would. This WAS going to end. TODAY.
He released her only enough to look to her face. "Kimon-chan...you can't keep hiding whatever it is from me. Even if you can't see yourself in a mirror, you MUST know what you feel like, if not LOOK like." A hand gently ran over her cheek. "You look awful...what have you been DOING to yourself?" He whispered. It took a small bit of silence for him to get his emotions under control and speak normally again. He had to be strong and do this. What he wouldn't give for a little bit of Hardrock's strength right now! "Will you tell me now? ...Onegaimasu?"
Teeth bit her lip as she unsurely stared up. Why did he have to bring it up again? She ALMOST thought she was coming to a decision, and then he had to show up! But...she was so exhausted, except she couldn't sleep. She ate a little less than she normally did, having no appetite with these important thoughts running rampant in her head. School was barely a distraction and her handy tape recorder was the only thing keeping her from missing class lectures. She was listless when it came to homework and was now a few days behind. She couldn't take much more of this and she was quickly caving in. She was driving herself to insanity!
Lids drooped as she looked down again. How could she tell him? She almost felt like she was betraying something if she did. No one knew about it...and she wondered if anyone should EVER know. Before meeting him, it would've been clear. No; and no it would always stay. But, having discovered a little gift of happiness that smelled like the ocean, she was starting to second-guess her life and her emotions. She was wondering what it was like to live a more NORMAL life, one filled with school and a boyfriend who you gave your all to. A happy life, not one filled of pain and regret and sadness.
Yet that twinge of fear of possibly getting pushed away still nagged at her. Perhaps then, she didn't trust Cye as much as she THOUGHT she did. That was a sad thought...yet it was realistic at least. Why did she have to be so indecisive about this?? Why couldn't it be a simple yes or no?? Sure, a VERY small part of her mind figured that maybe after ALL this time Cye deserved to know...after almost seven months of being together and eighteen years of keeping it quiet... Shouldn't SOMEONE speak of it and put old ghosts to rest?
Auburn brows furrowed. She was too quiet and he feared she would push him away again to run back inside. His arms tightened around her again to physically prevent her, even if her mind was apparently miles away by now. A hand rose and softly touched the thought lines on her forehead. She was too serious about something, and he knew what that was. "Kimon-chan..." He whispered, giving her a very small shake.
She blinked and almost forcefully brought herself back to the person holding her. It was so easy to get lost in her thoughts and lose track of everything outside when she was blind. Not seeing anything to keep her sidetracked was a bad thing when she could block out sound from years of experience. Her jaw clenched, even though her stomach fluttered from his touch. When had he started THAT? Was she really so out of it that she didn't feel his fingers on her skin? Her eyes fluttered shut, face gradually smoothing. That felt so nice...
A small smile tugged at his melancholy. At least he was able to get her to RELAX a little, if nothing else. Kimon needed that as much as she did relief from her thoughts. If only she trusted him that much... He fought a sigh. Yes, he knew she didn't trust him as fully as he trusted her, mostly by her actions and silence. She thought he'd either tell someone, as he would...only with her permission; or that he didn't care to hear it. He had to do SOMETHING to get her to talk! "Kimon-chan... Why don't you trust me?" He whispered, trailing his fingers along her face.
She was having a hard time concentrating with his constant touch screwing up her thought process. Losing herself in the emotions she missed that he brought on was so easy and she barely heard his question. Drowning herself in contentment and security wasn't hard. Her brow slightly furrowed as she tried to open her eyes. "...Trust?..." She whispered back.
"Hai shinrai. I want you to tell me what happened...but I can't force you, and I won't. I'd rather you tell me, not because you feel it your responsibility, but because you trust me enough and because you WANT to. I don't want to push you anymore and I apologize for trying so far. I forgot how fragile you can be sometimes..." His lips lowered and touched her forehead, forgetting everything and everyone who might be watching or listening. He knew he was affecting her and bringing her back to a little bit of normalcy by touching her. That was a good thing; she wasn't totally lost to him then. Still...that wasn't a good move to say she could tell him when she was ready. Who knew when THAT would be?? But he had to gamble on that and whatever emotions she held toward him and hoped it would be enough.
She felt a floodgate of guilt. Her lips pressed together, almost forgetting entirely about the emotions he created within her veins at his words. That nudged her even MORE to tell him. The pros and cons started springing up in her mind again and she let them come.
'What should I say? That I'm the one responsible? Yea...he'd love THAT one! ...No I haven't been blind since birth; it was an accident I caused... Oh yea, that's the perfect thing to say! Why bother to say ANYTHING? Do I REALLY want to push him away that badly? To hear the distain in his voice about something I did to not only myself, but to my family? That I was the one to wreck it all?? What would he say to THAT? He might just not let me see Mouri-san anymore. Oh gods...that would kill me even more than TELLING him would! He wouldn't do THAT...WOULD he?!'
Cye KNEW how much Mouri-san meant to her...at least, if he was able to read her so well by just being with her he would. Taking away that privilege would be the worse form of punishment. If he pushed her away AND wouldn't let her see Mouri-san; that was twice the hell. If that happened...she just might give up on everything altogether.
'But...he wouldn't be THAT harsh! He apologized for pushing me and even bringing it UP, didn't he? I know I heard him right; I wasn't imagining that. Then, if he forgave me for that...then would he forgive me for running away and not telling him? I...I'd like to believe he already did by coming down here. Maybe then...maybe it's possible he MIGHT forgive me in time for what happened. I know I'm a bit different than I was a whole decade ago...maybe he can bring that into consideration. Also, if I tell him my punishment, he'd think about that as well and it might help his pardon! If only...if only I wasn't so scared! But...maybe if I just tell him what HAPPENED! Instead of saying that it's my fault, I could just describe like what the police did in their reports. I could say what my FATHER knows instead of what I know. That...THAT could work... Yet...I'd still feel like I wasn't being fully truthful with him. And I WANT to be honest with Cye-chan. But still...some is better than none, isn't it? It might relieve his worry, and I could stop thinking about it so much!'
The more 'positive' thoughts were gaining her excitement and clarity than the negative. Of course they were ALL negative as far as she was concerned, but some was better than nothing. She was honest with HERSELF for admitting she wanted to be frank with Cye and stop worrying about it so much. She wasn't going to last much longer if she kept this pace up...and she wanted to be with him again. Maybe, if she just told him what happened as an outsider observing the whole incident, than it would be over. She'd have to bank on it and...trust him on that one.
She blinked. Was that all it took?? Perhaps that's why she DIDN'T trust him as much as she thought she did. Fear of the unknown kept her from being upfront about her past and being so tense about what it could bring. Being a planner from being blind, she always liked to know what would happen. Mental sight was often better than physical. But...now she knew she had to let go and take a timid step in the direction of the unknown and let it happen. It would hurt if things went bad, but at least she would get this horrid weight off her chest. A weight of eighteen years worth of silence.
"Cye-chan..." She whispered, looking back up a final time. Her face evened out as she felt a small bit of strength in her limbs. It helped with the small urge to tell him she would talk before she lost it entirely. "I'll...tell you. But...not here. I...I don't want something so private spoken so publicly."
"Hai. Do what you need to and I'll wait right here." He murmured, feeling a smile bubble up. "But...promise me you aren't just saying that. Promise me you'll come back down and not just leave me hanging here outside." A small furrow appeared on his brow.
Guilt twinged again. Did he think she'd be THAT horrible and leave him without a word like that?? Gods...perhaps her running away inspired such thoughts. She felt utterly ashamed of her cowardly behavior.
A hand rose and gently touched his cheek. Her fingers touched the stubble peeking out over his chin. A wisp of a smile appeared. He didn't bother to shave today...somehow she found that adorable. "Cye-chan, shinpai suranai. I know I've been cowardice and horrible this past week...but I wouldn't be so bad as to leave you out here like that." A smile appeared and moved the skin under her fingers. Her heart pounded at a small mental image that came to her. Maybe...when this was all over... It was just a thought and she kept quiet on it. Many people thought having their face touched was too personal. "Alright then...I'll go make myself presentable and try to hurry as much as I can. I'll try not to keep you waiting."
'Before I lose the nerve to do this entirely.' She darkly thought. Stepping back, she hurried upstairs to the apartment. She ignored Aroon's questions about what she was doing, finding them slightly amusing for his 'parental concern' NOW, and hurried to the bathroom. First...a shower. She didn't bother during her normal routine, and hadn't yesterday either. She felt physically dirty and took an utmost record. Drying her hair would take longer than necessary, so she wrung out as much water as possible and put it in a towel. She would just let the air dry it wherever they'd go and brush it later.
After throwing on normal clothes, pausing only to feel for what she was going to wear, she gave a quick mutter that she'd be back later and to take care of Beethoven again. She didn't let Aroon get a chance to answer as she quickly felt for her house key and locked the door behind her. A hand went to the railing as she hustled back down the stairs at a pace ten times faster than the first time she met him. She stopped just beyond the final batch of steps to take a deep breath and remind herself she HAD to do this, and to calm DOWN.
Feeling a little more like the person Cye knew, she finished the steps and only took a single step outside before a hand grabbed her arm. She only minutely startled, mostly from suddenness. She knew who that hand belonged to and sent a wondering glance to his face. "Nani...o suru?" She breathed.
She looked rather pretty considering she just got out of the shower and practically threw some clothes on. Her hair was still wet and unkempt, but it didn't look bad. He was waiting maybe twenty minutes and wondered if she WAS going to ignore him again. Though her answer was encouraging, this week wasn't one to totally bypass.
A small smile appeared as he attempted to lighten his mood. Seeing her helped immensely. "Just making sure you didn't take off to the car without me." He quietly answered, stepping up to her. She looked like the old Kimon...even if it might be an outer shell. Her mind could be full of things that he wouldn't recognize about her. He let go of her arm and breathed in the smell of her shampoo. She always DID smell nice... "You smell good..." He lowly breathed, amazed again at the emotion in his voice. Was it that low again for a REASON??
Her face blazed through a small, shy smile. Gods...why did he have to go and say something like THAT?? Hearing that emotion in his voice started the fluttering that had nothing to do with nervousness, even if she didn't know what it was. But it only proved after everything that occurred, he purposely stepped to her...just to smell her hair. Her face flamed even more. "Ano...ano...where should we...go to...to...to talk?"
He stepped away and resisted the urge to touch her. What he really wanted to do was run his hands through her wet hair or trace her jaw line, but he had to stay focused. There were MUCH more important things at hand that needed to be dealt with besides this sudden batch of stupid hormones. Feeling embarrassed, he lightly took her hand to guide her to the car...even if he parked in the same spot yet again. So what if she knew it by now? He used it as an excuse just to touch her half the time anyway.
When they were both buckled in, he sat back and thought. He didn't want to go back home, not with what might happen. Kimon didn't need that much attention from people she didn't even want to tell. It had to be total privacy...and he knew of one place off the top of his head that would give it to them. "I know of a place..." He murmured, already heading from the lot. "We'll have total privacy there and you won't have to worry about people hearing." He squelched the afterthought about ANIMALS and focused on the drive...and how he was going to get onto the land without the mistress knowing.
Even before they reached the destination, she knew where they were going. She didn't know WHY Cye was choosing this place, as he said it would be devoid of people. Would he PURPOSELY lie to her, just because she couldn't see? She immediately shot that thought down. Of COURSE he wouldn't! Mouri Cye do THAT to her?? That was preposterous and she mentally berated herself for even thinking it.
When they arrived maybe one or two meters from the end of the journey SHE knew, she was going to go for her seatbelt, but paused when he turned the car into a totally NEW direction. She blinked in confusion and gripped the door handle from suddenly being jostled. Her mind was too confused to ask him just WHERE they were going. And before she could even get over this new change and say something, he stopped the car and was unbuckling his belt. Fingers automatically went for hers, even if she was trying to figure out where they were in her head. Her mental map didn't span outside the main house, and she was lost. Who knew HOW many miles surrounded the place??
"Cye-chan-"
"Okay. We've got a little bit more to go Kimon-chan." The door suddenly shut and seconds later, she was being helped from the car. She was in a brief, almost happy embrace before being let go and her arm entwined with his. "So just enjoy the smells and sounds before we get there."
Why did he sound so excited about this? Did it have to do with the looming talk, or with where they were going? Either way, she was a little unsettled by it all. "Why are we at Mia's Cye-chan?"
Mildly wide eyes looked over as he did a mental double-take. "How...how did you..."
A small, wry grin sprouted. "You don't think I sit on those drives for nothing?" A finger tapped her temple. "I've a mental map of Mia's entire house...of my apartment...and of your house as well. I know the way from her place to mine, and visa versa, by heart. Same with the route to YOUR house. The only thing I DON'T totally know is her forest." Gray looked around in discomfort, not liking being outside and being so thoroughly unknown to her surroundings. If Cye wasn't with her, she might just go headfirst right off a cliff or run into a tree!
He gave a small smile and patted her hand. "Don't worry...I won't let anything happen to you. I know exactly where we're going, so feel safe. I won't let you get hurt."
She blinked and her heart pounded. Warmth flooded her at his words. He was so sure of those words...and it touched her heart to know even after all she put him through, he'd still correctly lead her where she needed to go. A little smile tilted her lips as she nodded.
He rarely came to this spot. It was Sage's and no one really dared to come here unless it was important. Well...this talk was HIGHLY important, so this was justified. If Sage didn't like it because of emotions that might linger in this place, he would have to ignore them. Explanations could be given out later, whenever Sage came back to this place to meditate and felt anything. Hopefully by then, everything would be sorted out and calmed down.
When they stopped at the rock, there came a small glitch in the plan. How to get the two of them to the top. While it was easy for him to get up, trying to hoist or pull someone who didn't know what to do presented a problem. His lips pressed together as he stared over the tip over the boulder. While the thing was wide enough to hold a few people, it nearly went to the top of his head. Jumping with Torrent was a breeze, getting a running start without his armor would still be relatively easy, but someone like Kimon would be a task. His lips pursed after a moment. Well...no choice but to wing it.
"Stay here Kimon-chan...I need to do something." Upon seeing her small, unsettled look, a reassuring smile popped up. "Daijoubu...I'm not going out of hearing range. I'll be right here." She visibly relaxed and he backed up a few steps before taking off as fast as possible and nearly jumping the whole height. After scrambling up the rest of the way, rather embarrassingly in his opinion, he kneeled down and extended a hand. "Now...I just need you to go toward my hand Kimon-chan."
"Snap your fingers and I'll find it." She quietly answered, a little curious and confused at this. What she wouldn't give to have her sight right about now...
He did so as told, slightly amazed when she reached out and grabbed his hand. He clasped it after a split second and pulled her up. It wasn't as hard as it appeared; she must've lost weight in the week apart. That right there worried him some more, and he vowed to do quite a bit more cooking to put it back on her. She was too slim as it WAS.
He directed them to the center of the boulder and helped her to a sitting position. While she probably could've sat down without his help, she certainly didn't say anything about it. He finally let go and rested both hands over his knees, taking a second to relax and prepare himself for what was going to happen. That was another reason he wanted to come here. If Sage used this place to calm down, he knew he'd definitely NEED it.
The sounds of a nearby waterfall kept most of her attention off Cye. A small, serene smile tilted her lips. She loved the sounds of waterfalls...they were so peaceful. She had a small thing for water in general; the feel and sound of it was so calming.
Gray went to the sky above, feeling the sun shine down in gentle warmth. The smile widened as she felt the anxiety and concern slip away. Wherever they were...this place had to be magical. The waterfall...the lack of trees...even the boulder she sat on was mildly smooth and flat. Cye chose a very good spot. Even now her reserves felt a little less and the pressure not as intense. If only she could've used THIS place to think in, she might not have had such a problem for so long...
A hand gingerly took hers and she jerked back to the present, harshly swallowing. A few doubts came back, even in this place, and she tried to keep a cool head. Losing it was not going to help her talk about this. "This place is...beautiful." She whispered, slowly entwining her fingers in time with him.
A small smile appeared as blue met gray. "I don't come here often. It's kind of a one person place and it's private. But it's on Mia's property, so I don't think she'll mind... I've been here a few times, and figured that this would do for what you wanted to say."
How could he be so thoughtful and insightful? It almost boggled her mind that he knew the perfect place to go to. It was almost like this place didn't exist in the outside world. Sun, waterfalls, quiet, fresh air with hardly any pollution to it... Just how far WERE they anyway?? She gave a small nod and looked below them, a hand pressing against the rock. It had to be huge if Cye had to pull her up. The place must be beautiful to the human eye...
A stab of wishful thinking speared her and she harshly swallowed it back. That would never happen and she had to remind herself of that. They would NEVER be able to afford what it took to gain her sight back. It was possible as much as it was IM-possible. Also unfathomable.
A thumb stroked her skin, partly to gain her attention. He felt a lot better in this place where a little of Sage's magic rested and hoped Halo's wisdom soaked into him. He'd certainly NEED it... "So Kimon-chan...tell me what you can. I'm right here and I won't go anywhere. I'm all ears."
Was he telling her to get on with it...or perhaps trying to get her out of her thoughts? By the quiet, supportive tone of his voice, she betted the latter. It was all too easy to get stuck in her mind and leave the outside world to pass by nowadays. Teeth bit her lip. How EXACTLY did she start this?? "Well...as you know...I was......only four when 'it' happened." She whispered, almost hanging her head. Tell him what she could? She only hoped so... "I was with my parents in the car. We were...going out for groceries and they didn't want to leave me there by myself..." She harshly swallowed, mentally praying he forgave her for stilting the WHOLE truth. Her throat convulsed as tears threatened to show. "It was mid afternoon...traffic was busy that day..."
She paused and bit her lip again. After a minute, she felt a tiny, encouraging squeeze. Tears formed at how supportive he could be when she felt like her heart was being ripped in two. At least he was there for her... "We were at a stoplight going straight and...there was another car taking a sudden turn..." With a single blink, tears started falling, staining the boulder. "Okaa-san...didn't see it and there was a......head-on collision... We were already going...so fast and...okaa-san-" Her head helplessly shook. The squeal of tires and yelling sprang forth in her mind and her eyes squeezed shut. She couldn't shut it down unlike outside sounds. She couldn't shut down what was happening in her mind. "I was thrown forward...my head-" She grimaced, "my eyes...they...hit the dashboard and my sight..." A hand absently rose and touched her eyes. "The damage done...it hurt my corneas and screwed up the muscles and tendons in my eyes. I...I was in the hospital for not even a week when...when they declared me blind. But my mother...she-" Again she paused and grimaced. At least she hadn't been present for the horror of seeing her mother, but it would've been NICE to see her...even like that. "The doctors told me...the speed of impact and being thrown forward like she did...and striking her head on the steering wheel so quickly...it snapped her...her......neck-" A fist went to her mouth, even though she could clearly hear their voices. She could hear the sympathy from such a 'tragic event' and the fate for such an 'innocent little girl'. Innocent...yea right. Her face scrunched up at the pain and guilt she felt. "I...I never even got to see her...at the funeral..."
Somehow he knew she couldn't go on anymore. Without wasting words or seconds, Cye hoisted Kimon into his lap where she proceeded to cry her eyes out. He quickly blinked back his, trying to hold them in, but some escaped. His arms tightly went around her back in some attempt to console and comfort her as her arms went around his just as tight...seeking comfort and strength. Gods...it all made sense now! Her attachment to his mother, what happened with his mother's attack, her mother's absence, her blindness, Aroon's gruff behavior, her mannerisms in the past...every little piece fit. He felt such pity for what happened, but words wouldn't get past the huge lump in his throat. His head rested on her shoulder, mimicking her, as he let himself cry for the grief she underwent at such a young age. NO ONE should've had to've lost their parent and their sight in the same time. It was a miracle she made it THIS far!
Wasn't she was supposed to feel BETTER after telling Cye?? Still...the expanse of sorrow never stopped. The guilt that always came with undesirably reliving the memories appeared once again. The tears wouldn't stop either. She was responsible for ALL of it!! It was HER fault...all her fault!!! She never forgave herself for any of it, and always accepted her blindness as punishment. She always took her father's behavior in stride, knowing that it was part penalty for taking his wife. She took everything from them both...and she deserved it. She was such a brat back then! No matter what her okaa-san did, it wasn't enough. She wanted to do things HER way...and she didn't listen in the car. Why didn't she BEHAVE HERSELF!? Okaa-san would've been ALIVE today if she hadn't...
His tears stopped long ago, but hers didn't. She said what she needed to say, yet her crying never slowed. He was getting a little worried...especially when her hands gripped his shirt in a death grip. Her sobs were becoming mixed in with small hiccups and he knew he had to get her calmed down before something worse happened.
Almost lamentably, his head moved away a little bit, feeling her tightly clinging to his body. His brow furrowed in concern, not knowing if he could unlock her grip on him. Part of him knew to let her cry it out, but the sun had definitely passed a few degrees in the sky, yet she was still continuing as harshly as before. Eighteen years of grief was NOT going to abate in one afternoon. But if he didn't get her calmed down, she WAS going to start hyperventilating and then they'd be in some trouble. There was nothing out here to help her if THAT happened. His hands slowly moved as not to startle her, even though she didn't seem to notice, and went to the hands on his shirt. He gently pried away one and tried for the other. It was a hard enough task considering her other was almost on his back.
Finally getting that done, he grasped her arms and slowly inched her away...unable to get her attention. Tears kept falling down her face and her eyes were already red and swollen. If she kept this up, they'd end up being swollen shut! Not that it was a problem for her, but it could cause pain later. He slowly shifted her weight in his lap and took a hold of her chin. "Kimon-chan...Kimon-chan kiku." He whispered. Listen. The other hand rose and stroked her hair, trying to relax her. "You need to calm down before you hurt yourself. I'm right here...I'm not going anywhere. You're going to make yourself hyperventilate. You're already starting to. Come on hachimitsu...take a few deep breaths for me. Come on...please Kimon-chan...work with me here. I'm doing this for your sake. Onegaimasu..."
It was mostly the word that split her mind from the gory scene. Honey. He called her HONEY?? She slowly came back from the past and to the present, hearing his soothing, urging voice. What was he saying? She first registered the gentle grip on her chin and the delicate brush against her temple. It sent a small shiver up her spine...yet helped to take the dim of screeching tires and sirens. She gulped in air and forcefully focused more on that voice...hearing his words. Gratefulness gradually mixed in with the pain and guilt, calming her a little. She suddenly became aware of the inability to breathe and hands rose to cover her mouth.
It took a little bit, but Kimon finally calmed down enough for him to decrease his worry a minute amount. With the imminent danger out of the way, he couldn't help but feel bad all over again. "Gods Kimon-chan...gomen gozaimasu..." He breathed, hands cradling her face. His thumbs slowly brushed her cheeks, partly to keep soothing her and to wipe the tracks away. It did little good until after a while when they nearly slowed to a stop. "I...I don't know what to say... I know you don't want pity...and I feel so bad for what happened. That should NEVER have happened to you...I wish...I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you..."
She sniffed and gently pulled away from his hands. His words were reassuring enough; he didn't think anything bad of her. Not that he knew the one hundred percent truth...but she was having a hard enough time telling him the EDITED version. The rest would be even harsher. She might not even be ABLE to say the whole story...but at least it didn't matter right now.
Hands went to her face to wipe away the rest of the tears as she tried to stop them. Not hearing the past helped a lot to dissuade her emotions. "There's...nothing you CAN do...Cye-chan." She deathly whispered with a voice dull.
He took back a hand, harshly squeezing it. "Still! I wish there WAS something I could do! I wish I could make you feel better...but I know I can't. I can't do anything FOR you..." His head bowed, feeling even worse. He honestly and truly wanted to help the girl he loved, so she wouldn't feel like this anymore...but he couldn't. He was helpless on what to do. That right there frustrated him.
"There...IS something you can do though..." She whispered again, a hand tentatively moving. She expertly found his chin and pulled his head up so he could look at her. A shaky, unsure smile appeared. "You can...hold me again...if you would... It...it helped...even a little."
Without warning, she was back in his lap again with his arms around her waist as firm as ever. Hers draped over his neck as her head buried back in his shoulder. The first time he held her, it was mostly for support and a shield against the pain. She deeply inhaled the smell of the ocean that always seemed to follow him around. This time, it was purely for comfort and to feel his arms around her again. She wanted to banish everything she just felt and be here in like this with him. If only for a little while...