Title: Just Words
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.
Rating: PG-13
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When he looks at you, he sees a ghost of his past life. You see happiness in his eyes and are ashamed that you couldn't give it to him when you both so
desperately needed it.
You wish you could touch him one last time. Not to fuck him, but to hold him. To touch his young flesh while you lay naked together and finally give him the
intimacy that he deserves.
You tell yourself you don't care that at night when you sleep alone, he sleeps next to someone who loves him...someone who isn't afraid to say the words.
You don't know why you're so afraid. Why you can't just tell Justin you love him. Even though it's wrong. Even though you'll screw around on him and treat
him like crap, you love him and want him back. But you won't ask him to come back to you, because you don't think you'll ever be able to say the words...the
words that matter the most to him. They're just words. Words you can't say.
You'd rather suffer in silence than compromise the image that has attached itself to you. You're Brian: the jerk, the guy that will fuck anyone, anywhere,
anytime, and to some the guy that can't feel. But you do feel. You feel so much it burns. You wish you could stop feeling. You wish you could look at a
painting and not see Justin's face. If only you could look at a sketch and not imagine his hand drawing and the terror you felt that night after prom when he was
beaten. But you can't. Everywhere you turn you see him, you imagine what he would say and his smile and how he looks at you. He used to look at you like
you were a fucking God. Now you see pity in his eyes.
You watch Justin be supportive with Ethan and see the look in the other man's eyes: the passion, the desire. And you know, that they're just itching to go back
home and make love...and you wish it was you.
So you go to Babylon and you dance with your eyes closed and you're so high you feel like you're floating, but it's nothing compared to the high that Justin gave
you every time he let you into his world.