Disclaimers: Please refer to chapter one for full disclaimer write-up.
When Living is No Longer EnoughChapter Twenty-Two
Hermione grabbed the nearest object in an effort to steady herself from the dizzying whirlwind that transported her into the memories of the pensieve. Looking down, she realized her fingers were clenched around the edge of a small table that was covered in…medical instruments? 'No, that can't be right' she thought spying the medium sized dagger which lay incongruously next to several smaller scalpel-like instruments. The metal material that comprised the various objects glistened softly in the flickering light of the numerous candles placed strategically throughout the room. A stack of paper caught her eye and she turned to see a copy of The Daily Prophet. 'Why would someone circle the date?' she wondered just before realizing that the tabloid indicated that whatever she was about to witness had taken place some time earlier that day.
Hearing the high shrill of an agonized scream, she quickly turned and gasped as she was faced with one of the most ghastly scenes she had ever had the misfortune to see. A woman roughly the same height as herself hung limply against the gray stone of the wall. Her wrists were anchored high above her head by a set of rusted metal manacles and the remnants of her undergarments were tattered and bloodied. The woman screamed again as the tail of a black leather whip made contact with the skin of her stomach. Her flesh was covered in a menagerie of angry red welts that formed a pattern reminiscent of the scribbling artwork of a small child.
A sudden feeling of intense nausea gripped Hermione bringing her to the brink of retching as she watched the tortured writhing of the captive woman. However, her attention was suddenly diverted when she glimpsed the swishing motion of heavy black fabric that comprised the robes of the only other occupant in the room. She instinctively took several steps backwards as she looked into the featureless mask of the Death Eater. The only thing she could discern through the opacity of the mask was the lightly colored orbs of ice that passed for eyes.
"Mother of Merlin," the Gryffindor cried out in a strangled voice tinged with fear and disbelief as the captive woman lifted her head to stare at the black-clad menace that stealthy approached with wand drawn. Hermione recognized the cinnamon brown eyes that peered from the face of the woman. It was a face that belonged to Hermione herself. Suddenly everything began to fall into place and although she had known what to expect when she entered the pensieve, seeing the events unfold forced her mind to acknowledge the reality of the situation in a way that nothing or no one else could have done. Lucius had forced the polyjuice on some unsuspecting woman and staged this scene for the sole purpose of torturing Severus. Despair and loathing for the cloak-covered minion filled her heart and snatches of conversations from both Albus and the potions master began flooding her mind.
"Someone that is your mirror image…""Hermione, the young woman in that pensieve was you..."
'No wonder Severus was so adamant that I not look into the pensieve,' she thought. Looking back to the scene that had continued to play out, she watched as the Death Eater raped and tortured the woman. She watched silently, tears streaming down her face, as the masked man slowly drew the sharp blade of the dagger over the smooth expanse of the young woman's throat and felt a twinge of guilt at the relief she felt knowing the torture had finally come to an end for the unknown woman.
A familiar tidal wave of dizziness struck her as the end of the memories played out and she felt the haziness of the vortex pulling her out of the pensieve to drop her back into Severus' chambers.
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"Sit down Severus," the headmaster told the agitated man for the umpteenth time. "You are making an old wizard weary with all of your pacing back and forth."
"I should never have let you talk me into allowing her to view that pensieve," Snape angrily replied. "You've seen those memories. They are absolutely vile. Whatever were you thinking?"
"Hermione is a strong young woman, my friend. She will survive and who knows? Perhaps you will find that she is all the stronger for her experience this evening," Albus said quietly as he rubbed his weary eyes. In truth, he worried for both Severus and Hermione. He knew that extended exposure to such depravity was not healthy for anyone and while the potions master had been privy to this type of act before, his emotions had never been involved to this extent. The fact that he had attempted to end his life told the older man all he needed to know concerning Snape's feelings for the young woman currently caught up in the memories of the magical object.
"She will never understand," Snape said with more than a hint of anguish.
"That you love her? I beg to differ Severus," Dumbledore quietly replied as he stared thoughtfully at his friend.
"She is not the type to stumble in the face of hardship. She would never have made the same choice," Snape argued and resumed his pacing.
"Perhaps not," the headmaster agreed as he watched his friend continue his fruitless journey back and forth across the room. "Or perhaps she would have chosen the exact same path had she viewed such a scene and believed you to be lost to her."
"You're speaking of fantasy old man," Snape snorted derisively upon hearing Albus' words. "Hermione does not think of me in that particular way. She could never love me as I love her. How could she? Why would she? You, of all people, know the atrocities that comprise my past. I am nothing more than a monster, a demon that she would be well advised to steer clear of."
"You underestimate her Severus," Dumbledore replied only to be interrupted by a soft, yet determined feminine voice.
"He certainly does!" Hermione declared staring incredulously at the dark haired man across the room.
"Hermione," Snape called out in surprise. Rushing to her he abruptly stopped several feet away as a look of uncertainty passed over his face. "Are you alright?" he asked cautiously.
"I will be," she replied closing the distance between them to stand directly in front of him. Reaching her hand to his face, she gingerly tucked an errant strand of hair behind his ear. "I understand now Severus," she whispered softly and pulled him into her arms.
Completely floored by her response to both his words and the memories she had recently viewed, he simply stood there allowing his own arms to envelope her as he pulled her tightly to him.
"There are matters which require my immediate attention Severus and I daresay you also have things to attend to," the headmaster told his friend and emphasized the last of his words by casting a pointed look in Hermione's direction.
Albus knew his cryptic message had been understood when he saw the slightest beginnings of a smile forming on the younger man's face. "I'll see myself out," he told the couple and wished them a goodnight.
Several minutes passed before Severus finally drew back from the woman in his arms. Gently taking her hand, he directed her to the sofa and poured each of them a drink to help steady their frazzled nerves. A part of him had expected her to return from her excursion and run from him in response to the acts she had witnessed. Although he knew Hermione was the type of person that would make allowances in light of the fact that it wasn't actually him in the pensieve committing the heinous crimes she had witnessed, he still worried she would draw a parallel to the Death Eater she had seen to the Death Eater he himself had once been. And while he could never lay claim to being a 'nice' man during those dark days, he could honestly say that he had never taken such methodical delight in killing a person. Still, he was having a difficult time believing she had chosen to remain. While his mind hesitated to believe that such a wondrous thing could last, his heart rejoiced at the fact that she hadn't outright rejected him. In his opinion she truly was the most amazing creature he had ever encountered.
"Is it true?" she asked gazing at him. "Did you really mean it when you told Albus that you loved me?"
Time stood still as he stared at the woman who anxiously awaited his answer to her softly spoken question. He felt vulnerable and exposed in a way in which he never had before. His feelings for her were absolute and he no longer saw any point in denying them. To attempt to do so would be nothing more than an exercise in futility. She had become as important to him as the air he breathed and her continued presence was ambrosia to his aching heart and soul. He drew a deep breath as he looked deeply into the cinnamon colored eyes he had come to know so well. He would not lie to her even if the disclosure of his feelings resulted in nothing more than complete emotional devastation to his own fragile psyche.
"Yes," he acknowledged reaching up to caress the smooth outline of her face "I meant every word. Hermione, I love you with everything that I am to the point that I sometimes think the intensity of my feelings will surely drive me mad. My heart rejoices in your presence and weeps in your absence. You complete me in a way I never thought possible."
Tears filled the Gryffindor's eyes upon hearing the potions master's proclamation of love. She had been sincere when she told Harry that Severus was everything she could ever want in a man but she logically rebuffed the notion that he would ever feel such sentiments in return. However, in a corner in one of the deepest places of her heart she secretly wished that one day he might find his way to loving her at least a little.
"Oh Severus," she exclaimed throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him so tightly that he was beginning to find it difficult to draw air. "I love you too, more than I ever though I could love anyone. You complete me, you really do and I absolutely can't imagine my life without you in it and…"
Her joyous ramblings were abruptly cut off as Snape distanced himself just enough to close the small gap between them and claim her lips in a searing, possessive kiss that left each of them light-headed and incredulous. Hermione could have sworn that it was the fourth of July as colorful fireworks exploded behind the closed lids of her eyes. When the couple finally drew apart, on account of their body's incessant demand for air, they stared at one another in wonder and happiness.
"I never dared to imagine you could possibly ever love someone like me" the potions master said, still amazed by the recent turn of events.
"Why is my love so difficult for you to believe Severus?" she asked truly confused. " I love you and when I walked in earlier tonight and thought that I had lost you, I felt as if my own life was over as well."
"Then you have some understanding as to how I felt when I thought Lucius had killed you. It was my fault he had developed an interest in you in the first place and to see you suffer like… suffice it to say that I saw no point in carrying on," he said turning his head away in shame as he tried to regain his composure.
"You must promise me that you will never attempt such an act again," she told him in a tone of voice that clearly stated he had no other choice but to acquiesce to her demands.
"Very well," he agreed hesitantly. "But Hermione, you must know that I've done things in my past that I am not proud of. Even now I am not known for my pleasant disposition. You have your entire life ahead of you and if people were to find out about us they may look down on you as well. People will talk and most of their gossip will be decidedly less than complimentary."
"Let them talk," she told him tossing her chestnut locks behind her should in a gesture of defiance. "They're not important and they certainly don't know how we feel about one another. Our being together is all that matters. That is, if you want to be with me. I mean I know that you said you love me but maybe I'm overstepping my bounds?"
Severus couldn't believe what he was seeing or hearing for that matter. Hermione Granger was actually afraid that he wouldn't want her? The thought was simply ludicrous! "Silly girl," he admonished and drew her against him to rest comfortably in his arms. "Of course I want you. For as long as you will have me. What about your friends? Have you thought about the effect our relationship will have on them?"
"Well if they're truly my friends than they will support me in this whether they agree with it or not" she said giving the potions master the impression that her closest friends were in for a battle if they so much as attempted to voice a dissenting opinion regarding her relationship with the 'greasy git.' "Besides, Harry already knows and he's fine with it so long as I'm happy."
"Somehow I doubt Weasley will feel the same," Snape said with a smirk.
"He'll live" she said flatly, knowing that it would take Ron a long time to accept her choice.
They sat quietly together, nestled against one another and basking in their newfound feelings for quite some time when Severus decided to bring up subject of the pensieve.
"Hermione?" he asked, "Are you really alright? Seeing that woman suffer like that had to be difficult and the fact that Lucius used the polyjuice to make her look like you can't have been easy to witness."
The young woman in his arms thought long and hard about her answer to his questions. "I'm better knowing that Lucius did not succeed in taking you from me," she began slowly. "Although I will admit that it is… disconcerting to realize that any human being is capable of doing such things to another person. Having to watch it just sort of reinforced the point that he will stop at nothing to get what he wants. He really would do that to me without a thought for the innate wrongness of it all wouldn't he?"
"Yes," he answered reluctantly. "Although in this case it really is my fault that he is interested in you at all."
"Severus," she said sternly as she twisted her body so that she could look directly at him. "None of this is your fault. Lucius Malfoy detests me for the very fact that I'm alive and breathing. I am muggle-born and therefore, in his eyes, not deserving of even so much as the basic rights afforded to all people. The fact that I am associated with you was just a bonus for him. I guess that I'm angrier than anything else right now. If anything this has shown me that we have to find a way to get rid of Voldemort once and for all because once we defeat him, we can concentrate on rounding up his supporters and tossing them into Azkaban where they can't do anymore harm."
"You do realize that Lucius will never admit to being a Death Eater?" Severus asked remembering how Lucius escaped sentencing the first time Voldemort disappeared and the Ministry tried to round up the Death Eaters.
"Of course," she readily agreed. "That's why someone needs to serve him a veritaserum laced martini and be ready to question him. That way he would have no choice but to admit to everything he's done."
Snape merely laughed at the simplicity of her solution. Of course, Malfoy would never fall for it but nonetheless it was a nice thought.
"Severus?" she tentatively questioned.
"Yes my love?" he asked tightening his grip on her ever so slightly.
"Seeing the images in the pensieve really did help me understand why you took the poison," she said quietly. "I just thought you might want to know."
"Thank you Hermione. I was afraid that you would be ashamed of my behavior," he answered honestly.
"No, not ashamed. I think 'saddened' might better describe my feelings. You have so much to offer the Order and the wizarding world. It really would be a shame if you denied everyone of your presence and talents, you know?"
His only answer was a noncommittal grunt. He had truly been worried that she would think less of him for his suicide attempt. That she might look upon him with pity or contempt or see him as being weak. It was a thought that didn't sit well with him at all.
"Severus? I figured out one other thing as a result of viewing the contents of the pensieve," she said with a little more enthusiasm in her voice.
"And what would that be?" he questioned still marveling at her ability for forgiveness.
"I figured out how we're going to get to Voldemort and deliver the potion."
Okay, that got his attention! Sitting up straighter he turned her so that she once again faced him. The look on her face was one of intense concentration so he knew that whatever she had in mind she was serious. "How?" he demanded.
"By borrowing a page straight out of Lucius Malfoy's own book…"
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TBC