Endure No More.
Part 2.
Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.
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"That's it, I've had it, I can't do it anymore. I just can't handle it anymore. Why, why does she always do this, and why do I always get hurt when she does it? I can't go on pretending that she has feelings towards me. I mean, it's not as though I don't know how she really feels about me. I know she hates me but I suppose deep down I've always hoped that she felt something other than disgust and dislike. Obviously I was wrong. Well no more. I just can't put up with it anymore. She's turning me into someone I despise. I'm a wuss and a wimp when it comes to Max. I want...no I need her approval constantly. I'm mean we're talking about ME, the person who doesn't care what people think. HA! If everyone knew just how insecure she makes me feel, and how incredibly hard I try to gain her approval, they would laugh their asses off. God, I must be sick. I mean it's the only explanation for it. The worst thing is I know how to cure this sickness, I'm just not sure if I can handle the treatment. Then again after today, I think I can."
Having made his decision, Alec packed his belongings quickly. He didn't have much anyway, being a soldier had it's uses. No attachments to physical mementos, stuff, junk, call it what you will. All he needed was some clothes and his money. If he needed anything he could steal it or buy it, depending on his mood.
As he packed, Alec could feel his spirit and his heart growing lighter. Sure he was going to miss everyone in TC, especially Max. And, while deep down he couldn't help wondering if he was making a mistake, at the moment he couldn't find it in himself to care. It was as if this huge rain cloud had suddenly moved away from him. He guessed it was like quitting a job you hate. His sense of freedom was amazing. He couldn't believe it. He had no idea what the future held for him and it was exciting, exhilarating and a little scary.
"I should go to the bar and say goodbye to everyone I suppose," he thought. "I would hate them to worry, or worse, think that I'm unhappy about leaving. I actually can't wait to go, now that I have made up my mind to leave."
With those thoughts, he left his apartment for the last time. Halfway down the stairs he realised that he hadn't left a note for Max. Knowing there was no way she'd be at the bar, fun and relaxation weren't part of her vocabulary, he rushed back up the stairs and quickly scribbled a note for her.
As he strode into the bar, the transgenics noticed a change in him. Although his normally happy and cheerful mask wasn't as predominant as it usually was, deep down inside he was excited. 'Had Max finally seen the light?' was the general thought in most heads, followed quickly by 'Nah, never happen. She's as thick as three short planks.'
Joshua was the first to notice that Alec carried a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
"Alec leaving?" he queried.
"Yeah Josh, I'm heading out of town," was the reply.
"When Alec coming home?"
"I'm not."
"Why not?"
"Because I can't buddy."
"Why?"
"I can't stay here any longer. I have to get away Josh."
"Does Max know?"
"No."
"Max will change your mind. You'll see. And then you can stay."
"No, Josh. It's because of Max that I'm leaving."
"But Joshua knows Max cares for Alec."
"She doesn't."
"She does."
"Even if she did, it's too late. I've made my mind up. I can't keep putting my life on hold waiting for her to realise that she loves me. I could be waiting for the rest of my life Joshua. I'm not prepared to do that anymore. I need to get on with my own life. I need to find out who I am and what I what to do with my life and I can't do that here."
"What about friends here?"
"I'll keep in touch and you know I'll always help out where and when I can. I'll send you guys money, supplies and information. You know that I can't just walk away from everyone here completely, don't you Josh?"
"Yeah, Joshua knows, but Joshua doesn't like it."
"I know buddy, but that's the way it's got to be. I wish I could stay too, but I can't. I hope you understand."
"Hrmph."
"Come on buddy, I'll buy you a drink," Alec said as he slung his arm around Joshua's shoulder and led him to the bar.
"Drinks are on me," he shouted across the room.
"Why?" replied a transgenic propping up the bar.
"Don't ask why you idiot, just drink," Mole answered gruffly. He had a sneaky suspicion he knew why Alec was buying drinks for everyone. He had witnessed Max's treatment of Alec and couldn't blame the guy in the least for leaving. Hell, he would have left, or killed the bitch months ago.
"So, you finally decided to do something did ya?" was Mole's opening remark to Alec when he finally got the man alone.
Alec tossed up whether he should give his trademark flippant answer, but Mole was a good friend, so he decided to tell him the truth.
"Yeah, it's time for me to move on, get on with my life."
"We'll all miss you, you know that don't you?" replied Mole with unaccustomed emotion in his voice.
"I know," whispered Alec. "I'll miss everyone too."
"Enough of this sappy, girly talk. You go have a great life," Mole answered. As an afterthought he added, "Keep me supplied in cigars and I'll call us even."
"Even?" Alec asked puzzled.
"Well, with you gone, who do you think will be Max's new scapegoat for the world's problems?"
"Hey, sorry Mole, but I've done my duty as scapegoat long enough. It's time for someone else to step up to the plate, and that's you buddy," answered Alec with a cheeky grin as the tone of the conversation lightened. "But I'll make it up to you with cigars," he continued.
"They better be the best quality there is or I'm coming to find you and drag your sorry ass back here."
"Only the best for my scapegoat partner. Anyway, you won't need to come and find me. I plan on keeping in regular contact with you guys."
"And Max?" Mole really didn't want to ask that question but he had to know.
Great, just when he was trying to lighten the conversation, Mole had to bring him down again.
"No. I don't want her to know where I am. I don't want to have the little voice in my head hoping and praying for her to come and find me, because I know it will never happen. This is it. I want, no, I need a clean break. I don't want anymore contact or news of Max. Promise me you won't tell her where I am, otherwise I'm out that door for good and you will never see or hear from me again. I mean it. And, you can kiss those cigars goodbye. No one, and I mean no one, is to tell Max where I have gone."
"Fine, fine. Have it your way. As if I care about you two and your relationship anyway."
"Good. Now that we have that settled let's have another drink before I hit the road."
"Sounds good to me," replied Mole with a grin that was noticeable even from behind his cigar.
After a few more drinks and saying goodbye to everyone at the bar, Alec was ready to go. In fact, he was itching to go. Time for a final farewell.
"Well it was great knowing you all but I'm gonna love ya and leave ya. But don't worry, you can't get rid of me that easily. I'll be doing my bit for the cause outside of these city walls. As well as having a good time of course. Ladies look out because Alec is about."
There were a couple of sniggers at that ridiculous comment from Alec. Even he couldn't believe he had made it. Oh well, who cares? He was happy and that was the main thing. And, the transgenics could see that he was happy. For the first time in a long time he wasn't pretending, or hiding behind a facade. He was truly content at this point in time. They all knew he would have his bad moments thinking about Max and 'what if' but they also knew this was what he needed and wanted. And they were happy for him.
"Well I hate goodbyes, so I'll catch you all later sometime."
And with that Alec walked out of the bar and into the sunset, a spring in his step and a smile on his face.
