Endure No More.
Part 7.
Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.
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'Great, just what I want. Yet another Eyes Only do-gooder broadcast. I thought I had got away from them here in Canada, obviously not,' thought Alec derisively to himself as the familiar tell tale crackling and screeching of the Eyes Only bulletin began.
"This a streaming video broadcast. Do not attempt to adjust your set . . . ,"
Alec realised something was up when the usual monotone of Eyes Only he had been expecting was replaced by a feminine voice. A feminine voice he recognised.
'He's even got her doing his cable hacks now. What next? Fuck am I glad I left when I did. Max obviously doesn't miss me, but then again I wasn't really expecting her to.'
'Yeah right, pull the other one buddy - it's got bells on it,' retorted the voice in his head. 'Deep down you were hoping she was missing you.'
'No I wasn't, I . . .'
'Don't try to deny it. Remember I live in your head, so I know what you are thinking deep down, and you were hoping she was missing you.'
'Ok, fine. Yes I was hoping she was missing me, but she obviously isn't. Are you happy now?'
'Well I would be if you would just shut up and let me listen to the broadcast.'
'Me shut up, you're the one doing all the talking . . . ,'
'Shhhh.'
'Humph,' Alec responded. He hated talking to the voice in his head. He could never win. It's always scary when the voice in your head keeps winning.
". . . this cable hack will last as long as I want it to. I have some explaining to do, and I will be heard."
'Why now? Does she know I was looking forward to this TV show and how it being interrupted by a freedom bulletin would piss me off? Even from a distance she controls and ruins my life. What have I done to deserve this? Don't answer that - it was a rhetorical question.'
'You know you miss her and you also know that you still harbour feelings towards her. I know that the sound of her voice is making your stomach do cartwheels.'
'Yeah well, that's not the point. She isn't interested and I'm sure if I try hard enough these feelings I have for her will go away, or at least fade away into the background.'
'Humph.'
'Ha! Finally the voice is rendered speechless . . . For at least five seconds.'
'I'm not speechless. I'm listening to her speech, which is what you should be doing.'
'Will you shut up if I listen?'
'Yes.'
'Fine, I'll listen then.'
'Thank you,' responded the voice. It didn't think Alec was ever going to shut up.
"Alec I know you know who I am.
I had this whole perfect speech of what I was going to say, planned and written right down to the last detail. Now that I have this opportunity those words just don't seem right, so I'll speak right from the heart.
Since you left I've done nothing but think about you and what you mean to me. With some help from your friends, I saw the way you thought I saw you. I had no right to treat you like I did, and you didn't deserve it, no matter how much I said you did. I thought you knew it was only an act, and I thought you realised that I didn't mean anything by it. I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I'm sorry for the things I said to you. I'm sorry for being a bitch. I'm sorry for the way I made you feel.
I know you are probably sitting there not believing a word I'm saying, but Alec, it's the truth. I love you and the day you left, my world, pathetic as it was, crumbled. I can't get you out of my mind. Even when I tried this voice in my head wouldn't let me. It wouldn't let me blame you, or think the worst of you. It made me look at myself and realise some self truths. I'm a bitch. I used to joke about being a bitch but I suddenly realised that I was a cold hearted bitch towards you. I said things to you that I never meant because it made me feel better about myself, and, more importantly, it pushed you away from me. I realised I was scared, terrified of getting close to you, of letting you into my heart. I think I knew deep down that we would be great together and I was scared of that. Scared because of what it meant in terms of my life. Scared because what I thought was love with Logan wasn't really what true love is about. Scared because by letting you in, you would have the power to destroy me if you ever left. What I didn't realise was that you still had the power to destroy me without me letting you in.
Alec, I love you. Please come home. I miss you. I miss the banter, and the laughter. I miss that you challenged me, and pissed me off on purpose. I miss seeing your cocky, arrogant, cheeky smile and god how I miss that gorgeous ass of yours. Never thought you would hear me say that on TV now did you?
This has been a streaming video broadcast to the one I love. Please Alec, please come home."
Alec didn't know what to think. On the one hand he truly wanted to believe everything Max said, but on the other hand he couldn't handle it if he went back and she broke his heart again. He reached into his pocket for the new cell phone he purchased after leaving TC.
As soon as she had wrapped up the broadcast Max ran to the phone, willing it to ring.