Endure No More.
Part 8.

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

Author's Note: Thanks goes out to teegs, my beta for agreeing with me that the original version of this part just wasn't right. Huge thanks has to go to Rowe and Mel for helping me get it right. Rowe this part is dedicated to you :)

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"Ok Dix, you know what to do?" Max asked in her best command voice.

"Yeah, but he's not going to like it," Dix replied with a shake of his head.

"I know. But do you have any better ideas?"

"Ah, besides leaving it up to Alec, ah . . . no."

"I didn't think so. You know, if there were any other way I wouldn't be asking you to do this," Max said as she paced anxiously around the room.

She knew that the broadcast wouldn't change his mind, but she hoped it would make him think. It was only part of her plan anyway. A way to flush him out. She had to see him so she could try and convince him that he was her world.

She realised just how much she must have hurt him. She had enjoyed playing Logan and Alec off against each other. Great ego boost having two completely different men vying for her attentions. Of course Logan had been too oblivious to see what was really going on. But Alec, he had known what was happening. He knew Max cared for him enough to play those games, but he had also known that she didn't care enough to stop hurting him. That was what drove him away.

"It's true - that saying about not knowing what you've got until it's gone. I didn't realise just how much Alec meant to me until he left. I just hope he calls."

"So do I," said Mole as he walked into headquarters. "Because we're sick of hearing about it. Dix is too polite to tell you shut up, but I'm not. So, SHUT UP. There's no need to preach to the converted. We know you screwed up, you don't need to keep telling us. We aren't the ones who care. I'm almost about to tell you where Alec is just to shut you up, except I quite like living. Even TC grows on you after a while."

All of a sudden there was a flurry of action as a ringing telephone interrupted the conversation. Max was a blur as she raced to answer it. Dix sped over to the computer, while Mole just stood there, arms crossed and cigar hanging out of his mouth as per usual.

Mole was torn. He still wanted Alec back at TC, but Max still hadn't realised one important thing. The world did not revolve around her. She had given no thought to Alec's new life. It had never entered her mind that he might be happy there, and that he may have found someone else. Oh well, time would only tell. In the meantime he would just sit back and watch it all play out.

"Hey Max," Alec said into the phone. As Alec spoke Max gave Dix the signal to start.

"Ah . . . hi Alec. I ah . . . I'm glad you saw the broadcast," stammered Max. Now Alec was actually on the phone all her previous bravado had disappeared. His unemotional tone didn't help matters either.

"Yeah. So . . . um, how did Loggie boy feel letting you use his stuff like that or doesn't he know?" It was a question Alec really didn't want to ask, but her answer would help to clear things up in his mind.

"We hacked into his system and . . ." Max started to say.

"So he doesn't know about this then. Nice Max. Great way to break up with your 'we're not like that' boyfriend," Even though Alec tried to keep his voice soft, he was unable to keep some of the anger and disappointment from slipping out.

As much as he had hoped Max had been telling the truth on the broadcast, how could she have been? She hadn't even told Logan they were through. She didn't have the guts, or the desire to break it off with him properly. She always had to have a safety net. Not that he really expected Logan would be her safety net after seeing the broadcast. Even he had to have his limits. Max was hot, but she wasn't that hot. But then again, you never know. Look how much crap he had put up with.

"Alec it's not like that, I swear," responded Max quickly. She knew exactly what Alec was thinking and while it was definitely unflattering that he had so little faith in her, she couldn't blame him.

"I did break up with Logan. The day after you left actually," she said.

She took a deep breathe as she continued. "When you left it made me realise things. I said most of it on the broadcast."

There was a long pause in the conversation. The silence was starting to get to Max. Just as she was wondering if Alec was still there, he spoke.

"Why Max? Why did you do it?" he asked quietly.

"Do what Alec?"

"The broadcast. Why Max?"

"You left thinking I hated you and that I thought you were a screw-up. I just wanted to let you know that I don't think anything like that about you. And that everyone here in TC, including me, wants you to come back."

What she was too scared to say to him was that she loved him. The thought of rejection terrified her, especially after she had put her heart on the line on international tv.

"Ok Max. I'll think about what you said and get back to you," he said with little warmth in his voice. He was disappointed and hurt that she didn't say she loved him. She had said it on tv, but couldn't say it directly to him.

"So does this mean you aren't coming home?"

He wondered if she had ever stopped to think that he might have been enjoying himself there? Or that it was a much better way of life up there? It was safe, no one was trying to kill them, and the ordinaries weren't afraid of them. Why would he want to go back to Seattle?"

"Not now Max. I'm not sure where home is, but at this moment Seattle is not my home," he answered.

Even though Max had been half expecting him to not want to come home, his response still hurt. She had thought he still had feelings for her. She knew that he wouldn't trust her with his heart and probably wouldn't for a long time, but she had thought he would want to come back to try and work things out.

"But I love you," she whispered.

Alec took a deep breathe, unsure how to respond. Why did she have to say she loved him after he told her he wasn't going back? Was it just a ploy, or did she truly mean it? Either way he had more thinking to do.

She heard him sigh. When it become obvious he wasn't going to reply she continued.

"Well what do you want?" she asked tentatively.

"I'm not sure Max, but I do know it's not Seattle," he answered quietly.

"What about me Alec? Do you still have any feelings left for me?"

"Yeah I do Max," he sighed. "but I need to sort them out first."

Max saw Dix waving at her to show that he was done.

"Max I'm not coming back to Seattle, not just yet anyway. It's great up here Max, at the moment this is where I want to call home."

"But I love you," she said more forcefully this time. She was getting desperate.

"I know you think you do Max, but I need time. I need to have my space, find out who I am, and come to terms with some stuff in both my head and my heart. I can't do that around you, not yet anyway."

"So this is goodbye then?"

"Yeah, for now."

CLICK

Alec heard the phone disconnect.

He knew he had hurt Max with his refusal to go back to Seattle, but he wasn't ready. He just wasn't ready to trust his own feelings again. Until he could trust himself to believe Max would never hurt him again he couldn't see her. He knew, or thought he knew, that Max loved him. He could hear the sincerity in her voice but that didn't quench the doubts he had. He needed to work it out in his head, well actually his heart. He just needed time.

Max had tears glistening in her eyes as she turned to Dix.

"Did you get the trace?"

"Yeah Max I did. Are you sure you want to use it?"

"I don't know Dix," she answered as she slumped into her chair, head in her hands on the desk. "I just don't know."