Endure No More

Part 11

Disclaimer: If it has anything to do with Dark Angel or its production company, then it's not mine. I wish I did own something, but I don't.

Author's Note: Thanks goes out to teegs, my beta for betaing this so quickly for me.
Check out Agora for more DA and other fanfiction as well as original writing by some very talented writers.
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"I can't believe he left me - again. What is it with him and leaving? I thought I was the one who ran away?" she said aloud as she paced furiously around the room, trying to work out some of her aggression. Max had got over her sadness a while ago. Now she was working through her anger.

'Not this time Max,' he thought to himself as he slid down the wall next to her door to get comfy. He had gone away to get supplies and to make sure Bic was ok. Anything really to take his mind of Max for a while. Now he had everything he needed.

'This time it has to be me doing the running away. I'm just not ready for this, and I'm not sure you are either even though you say you are.' He placed his head on his arms that were resting along his bent knees. 'I can't handle it if you changed your mind. You didn't give me the space and time I needed to be able to cope with this.'

"Just because I didn't give him what he wanted he's gone to sulk, leaving me alone and unprotected." The pacing continued, but now she had taken to throwing things as well.

'How little you know me Max,' he thought with a heartfelt sigh. He settled in for a long vigil that would no doubt include some pretty nasty things being said about him by Max. 'I could never leave you unprotected. Just goes to show that you really don't know me at all.'

"Ok so that was a little harsh. I know he wouldn't leave me unprotected. He's probably got Bic and Tai downstairs making sure no one hassles me. Although a little hassling would be good right now. Who am I kidding? I need a man, NOW. The only problem is the man I want doesn't want me." Her tone had changed throughout that little tirade from anger to self pity.

'Oh Max if only you knew just how much I do want you,' he thought resignedly, his head sinking lower. 'But I refuse to make love to you when you are in heat. I just can't do that to myself. I need to know that you truly love me for me.'

"Enough with the self-pity. Sit-ups and push-ups here I come. That'll stop me thinking for a while. I hope." With that Max started into her gruelling exercise regime. Not only was she hoping to quell the strength of her heat racing through her body, but she also hoped it would stop her from thinking. Thinking in heat had a tendency to either get her extremely mad, or throw her into depression. Neither of which she liked.

'Did she say something about she knows I wouldn't leave her unprotected?' Alec quickly replayed that snippit of Max's tirade in his head. His brain was a little slow on the uptake, what with all the pheromones floating around. 'She did too. Hmmm I guess maybe she knows a little about me then,' he thought as a tiny flicker of hope flared in his heart.

~~~~****~~~~

Max had managed to push herself to the limit, but even then she couldn't stop thinking. She exercised like there was no tomorrow, keeping to a punishing pace for almost three hours, but it still didn't stop the flashes of Alec in her mind. How he always had her back. His cheeky grin when he managed to get her to do something she really didn't want to do - like that time at the Blowfish Tavern. And to think she wasted that lap dance. Oh well, she would definitely make up for that mistake after this was over. She couldn't help but smirk to herself at that thought.

Then there was the time after she had got him out of jail and she opened up to him about Ben. And the time when he shooed the people away so she could have the last few minutes alone with Logan before the virus kicked in again. These images reminded her why she was putting herself through this torment when there were any number of guys out there who would be ready and willing to scratch her itch. She only wanted Alec. No one else would do, not now, and not ever.

After this earth shattering conclusion she was so exhausted she didn't bother having a shower, but just collapsed onto the bed and fell straight to sleep.

All Alec could hear was Max huffing and puffing, and grunting and groaning her way through her exercises. The sounds effects were driving him crazy, especially added to the pheromones wafting through the air. Good thing Bic had gotten all the female transgenics to keep the other guys busy with stuff to do outside of the settlement. Alec didn't feel up to fighting them all just to remain outside Max's door.

"What am I doing outside this door, when there is a woman who wants me on the other side?" Alec asked himself, doubting his own sanity. "Do I really need to know that she loves me? I mean, c'mon, I'm sure she does love me - in her own way. Maybe I should just settle for that. It's better than nothing right? Might as well make use of her heat. I may not get another chance." He was sure he could eventually talk himself around to doing what his body demanded he do.

'Yeah right buddy boy.' Great timing for the voice in Alec's head to re-appear. 'You really believe that you could settle for that? What happens after heat and she gives you that look? You know the one - 'it was great, but it was a mistake' look.' Alec didn't know that the voice could sigh, but sigh the voice did. 'You deserve more than a heat induced one night stand. Think about it. Do you want to be with Max one time, or the rest of your life?'

"After this I don't think there will be anymore chances," Alec replied, not really freaked out that he was talking to himself. "I think I may have blown it. Have you heard what she is saying about me in there? It's not nice."

'Duh, I'm in your head.' Sometimes the voice just didn't know why Manticore soldiers were considered smart. 'Of course I've heard what she's been saying. But think about where she is. Is she in there alone? Yes she is. Is she out getting busy with another guy? No.' The voice was on a roll. Alec wouldn't have been able to say anything even if he had wanted to.

'Do you know how much will power she must have to be able to do that? And how much she must love you to resist the urge to just go and jump any guy at this stage. A hell of a lot, that's all I can say.' Hopefully something of what the voice had said would start to sink in.

"I never thought of it that way. But her heat is bad for me too. I know I don't want to go in and have sex with her, but my body isn't listening to me," he said, the torment and confusion was evident in his voice.

"She's like a drug and my body wants more, now. It's getting harder and harder to resist the urge just to kick down the door and fuck her." Alec said with frustration in his voice, running his fingers through his hair.

'What's stronger? What controls you?' questioned the voice. 'Your body and your little head, or your brain and your heart? Are you a mindless fool taking orders from something that doesn't have your best interests at heart, coughsoldiercough . . .' the voice said, pausing to let it sink in before it continued.

'. . . or are a guy who believes he deserves to have all of Max, body, mind, heart and soul?' with that the voice shut up. There was nothing else he could do to help.

That made Alec stop and think. He wanted to be more than a soldier. He wanted to be a person he could respect, and he was - at the moment. Alec knew he would lose his self respect if he walked through that door now. How could he possibly respect himself if he listened to his body and not his heart.

He knew he would wake up after fucking Max - because that's all it would be - and he would hate himself for caving, and quite possibly he would hate Max for having enough power over him to make him cave. That was one street he was not going to go down - no matter how hard it got outside this door.

He could just walk away and make it easier for himself by having Bic protect Max, but he didn't. He wanted to be the one that protected her. Even though this was killing him, he still wanted to be close. He had to be close to Max, he just had to.

~~~~****~~~~

A short time later Max woke up. She reached out without opening her eyes. She was praying that what she had dreamt was real, but it wasn't. There was no Alec beside her. She remembered the conclusions that she had reached while she was exercising. She would stay in this room for the remainder of her heat. She would wait it out, and then kill Alec. Well maybe not kill him exactly. Nice thought now, but she knew she would regret it. She knew that Alec was her life, and that he was that missing piece that would make everything worthwhile. She had saved the cold shower for when she woke up craving Alec. Just as well.

"Damn, that was one hot dream," she said aloud. "He better live up to the dream otherwise I'm gonna kick his ass. If this is what it takes to get him to believe that I love him, then I'll do it. But he is so going to make this up to me. How I haven't quite figured out yet, but he will." The thoughts of just what she would get Alec to do were very tempting, very tempting indeed. So much so that she almost began to purr.

"I also need to do this for myself, to see if it is possible for me to think of his needs before my own for a change," she continued aloud, trying to get her thoughts off Alec for five seconds.

"If I can do this, then I will know that I've changed and that I can think of him before myself. Do I have the strength of character?" she asked herself, rolling to a cooler patch on the bed.

"I damn well hope so, otherwise I don't deserve Alec. If this is hard on me then it must be absolutely terrible for Alec. Good thing he pissed off when he did. There's no need for both of us to feel like crap." Max had just about worn herself out with all the thinking she had done lately. And she thought she had things all figured out back at TC.

"Well the exercise and sleep have worn off, the temperature is starting to increase again. Time for that cold shower," she said as she walked to the bathroom, shredding her clothes as she went.

As Max was still in the habit of talking out aloud Alec had heard every word.

"Shit. I think I just heard Max say that she loves me, but better yet, that I will get another chance with her. Now I really want her right now. Kicking in the door sounds like a good idea."

Hearing not only that she was going to have a shower, but also the sound of her clothes dropping on the floor was almost too much for Alec. Combine that with the words that she still loved him and Alec was at the door, hand on the door handle.

'Hang on buddy. Did you miss what she said? Were you not listening?' asked the voice as though he was speaking to a kid. A kid who knew he was going to do something wrong.

' 'If this is what it takes to get him to believe that I love him, then I'll do it.' That's what she said. Remember?' continued the voice, ignoring Alec's growling. One of these days Alec was going to kill the voice in his head - as soon as he figured out how.

'If you break the door down now who's going to have trust issues? Then you will have to convince her that you do believe her, and you do don't you?" questioned the voice, just to make sure.

"Yeah I do believe her," replied Alec with a smile on his face as he realised it was the truth. He did truly believe Max loved him.

'Well convincing her that you do believe her isn't going to be easy if you fuck her now.' The voice could tell that Alec was slowly starting to listen to him, but too slowly. Time for the big guns. He had to get Alec's hand off the door handle.

'I can just see the morning after now,' sighed the voice. 'You still wondering if it was just heat talking, and Max thinking it was just your reaction to her heat. Not a great way to start a relationship.'

"You know what?" said Alec as he removed his hand from the door handle. "I hate it when you are right. It pisses me off because you always stop me having fun," whined Alec as he resumed his seat back on the floor next to the door..

'Suck it up pretty boy,' smirked the voice. 'You know you'll thank me later.'

"Humph," was all Alec said in response.

~~~~****~~~~

The rest of the day was almost impossible to get through for both of them, but doubly so for Alec. The thought 'so close, yet still so far away' kept running through his mind. It was pure torture being so near to Max but being unable to touch or talk to her. He knew he couldn't risk trying to talk to her through the wall. He was strong, but he had his limits.

He also knew that Max was not only doing this for him, but also for herself to see if she could do it. To see if she was strong enough. Every time he was about to kick down the door he remembered her words 'Do I have the strength of character? I damn well hope so, otherwise I don't deserve Alec.' Now he couldn't kick the door down just in case she doubted if she did deserve him.

All this going around in circles was giving him a headache. He would be so glad when her heat was over. Hopefully it wouldn't be that much longer, because it was getting harder and harder to resist temptation. But he would resist for all he was worth. They both deserved that.

~~~~****~~~~

It felt like forever but finally Alec could sense that Max's heat was over. He stood up and walked to the door. He paused to take a deep breath and to find his courage. He had no idea how Max was going to react when he walked in the door. Oh well, there was only one way to find out. With that thought in his head he grabbed hold of the door handle, took another calming breath and opened the door.