Hello! And now for another heartwarming chapter!
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Chapter Seven~ Unintentional Heartbreak
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Supper. Whee-hurrah-yip-dee-doo. Oh, _yum._ Insert sweatbead here. Well, at least it's something new. Whee-yum-yum. Did they buy out some American chicken farm? A chicken pot pie. Not bad, really, but I think I'm going to go anti-poultry when I get out. Buc-buc-buckaw. No, scratch that. Bak-bak-baka!
I finish it, and ask the nuisance- anoo, I mean nurse- the time. Seven forty. Well, no more friends over, but I always have my PC! ^_________________^ I flick it on, and wonder who to call. Yugi? Hm, he eats late. Don't want to bug him. Honda? BLOODY HELL NO! Frankly, he gets on my nerves. Jonouchi? Maybe, but I'd hate to get him in trouble with his father. I went over there once, and let's just say, my yami would be more orderly, more sensible, and more sane. Ugh. Shudder! Anzu? Naah, I'm not in the mood to deal with a female. Kaiba? Hmmm, maybe. But does he eat late? I think he would, because of KaibaCorp. Yugi eats late for the same reason, his grandfather's business. Mokuba? No, I really want to deal with a peer.
"Well, how long has the royal prat been gone?" I gasp, and look up.
"Bakura-sama! Oh, gomen nasai! I-"
"-Totally forgot about me. I know. Am I surprised?" What can I say?
"Anoooooo, I guess not." He rolls his eyes.
"I told you to call me after Yugioh leaves! What, do you lack short-term memory? Or were you just ignoring me?" I flinch, and hang my head.
"I guess I lack memory! Gomen nasai!" I hide my face in my hands, ashamed. He is silent for a moment.
"Hm. You have expressed interest in learning ra em Kemet?" I nod. "Well, I've gotten a little sick of hearing 'gomen nasai' all the time. I think it's time for you to learn how to say it in another language. It's simple: Tcharu."
"Tcharu!" I enthusiastically blurt it out, and he chuckles.
"You're pretty amusing the first time you use a new word. You catch on quick, though. Just don't use it too much, or you'll wear it out." I nod, still embarrassed that I had forgotten Bakura-sama. He sits beside me.
"So, have an interesting time with Aa-perti sef-t (annoyance)?" I blush, knowing full well what he implies.
"We spoke, Bakura-sama. He gave me some advice, and didn't obliterate me. That's just about it." My other rolls his eyes again. I hate it when he does that, but I'm guilty of it, too.
"And just _what_ advice did he give, oh Hikari of mine?"
"Some advice about people." Yeah, right. Like I'm going to tell him it's advice about him? He looks down his nose at me, and I swallow.
"People." I nod, and he raises an eyebrow. "People. Is it 'people' or 'person?'"
"Person, Bakura-sama." I can't lie to him! Just who do you people think I am?
"Ah. I... see. And just who is this... person?" Oh, great. I JUST SAID I CAN'T LIE TO HIM! And now he expects me to tell him?
"Someone I can't talk to very easily." Well, that's true enough. "It's not the most gentle person in Taiu (the world)."
He rolls his eyes AGAIN, damnit, and scoffs. "Like that gives me any indication. All that does it tell me it's not you. Good thing, too, 'cause if you need advice in how to talk to yourself, you're in trouble!" My face reddens, and I turn away. Did he just call me the most gentle person? He gives a light chuckle, but unlike many he's given me, it's devoid of sarcasm or malice.
"What, IS it you?" I shake my head, and suddenly his hand races towards me y face. I wince, but it's not a blow he gives. Instead it's a quick bat at my hair. I squeak, and he drops his hand.
"Tcharu." Wait. Did he just apologize?
"For what, Bakura-sama?" My low voice quavers, and he gives a wan smile.
"Didn't mean to scare you." His eyes are hard, but it seems to be a strain to maintain that. What's going on?
"Sca- scare? You didn't! I just- I didn't expect it. I was expecting you to slap me." Is it just me, or did he shrink back when I said that? Wow. Is he uneasy?
"Slap you. Tcharu. I didn't think you'd expect that. But tell me. Why would I slap you, right now, if I were going to?" His eyes travel to the mirror and the setting sun, and he looks so wistful, like a trapped tiger. I bite my lip, and carefully construct my answer.
"I don't really know. I mean, you've hit me before for no apparant reason, but recently you've just been so- so merciful, if not nice. Maybe it's just an instinctive- you know, pre-programmed response. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm naturally an edgy person." I repress a tear, one which forms without warning.
"Merciful." He muses over the word, as though it is totally foreign to him. "Do you find the mercy helpful?"
Confused, I meet his gaze. "What do you mean, Bakura-sama? Helpful how?"
"Does it make you feel less frightened?" His face tells me nothing, but he seems to tremble ever so slightly. I swallow, and consider my feelings. Finally, I decide he must know the truth.
"Honestly, Bakura-sama, I don't know. Something within me is grateful, and hopes that it continues. But another part of me is more scared than ever, the pessimistic, suspicious part. It tells me that it's only an act, a temporary thing, and I shouldn't get used to it. That I shouldn't even like it, because it's false. It yells at me, says I shouldn't get my hopes up, for you're just going to destroy them like you have every other hope, every other dream." My voice raises in volume. "Bakura-sama, I'm afraid of you when I'm not sure what you're doing, or what you're going to do. It makes me so nervous when I'm not given a reason to fear you, and it hurts when I'm feeling so mistrusting. I don't know half the time what I feel, and none of the time what you feel! You've lied and cheated, manipulated me, told me to fear you and to obey you. You've called me weak, and pathetic, and stupid, when I'm being honest about my feelings with you. So how am I to know if you're being honest with me? You're a hypocrite, you know, unless you are lying. You say it's weak to show emotion, and yet you're being 'kind' to me. If that's not hypocricy, then it's dishonesty!" I show him my back, and await his response, forcing my tears back. For a long while, he doesn't speak. When he does, his tone is rough, dark.
"You think I'm going to use how you feel to control you, to hurt you. Is that it? Do you think it's easy to open up as much as I have? For Ra's sake! I'm a thief, not a heart-player! Ugh! You think I'm just screwing with your head? That's more sick than I'll ever do!" He gets up, and walks in front of me. Towering over me, he snarls. "I can't believe you. I try to help you, I try to show you how I feel, and you come out and say it might as well mean nothing good to you! You come out and say I might as well be some two-bit slut trying only to get in your pants, while I'm doing everything I can to make you feel like I care! Do you think it's easy for me to say some of the things I've told you in the last day? Do you have any idea of the pain I've gone through to admit to myself that I don't mind you? Do you even CARE that I'm standing here, basically GIVING you my deepest confessions, and feeling my entire existence shatter? Ever since I can remember, I've shoved people away. I've hidden how I feel, and avoided feeling anything! And now, you come along, and practically throw yourself at me, with thoughts of loving me. Do you know- do you even care- that I'm just as scared of my feelings as you are of yours? I thought I was perfectly adjusted, burying my emotions, and then you force me to feel them again! Listen, I hid my feelings just in case something like this happened. I didn't want to be rejected. And here you are, saying I'm just using you? Hear me well, Hikari. I don't think I'm the one using you, right now. I feel used. I think I am completely justified in saying there's a possibility of you using me, just for company. I heard you say you loved me, that you needed me. Well, too bad! I think I take back what I said, about not minding you. I mind! I mind getting my hopes up, thinking you care, and then realizing you're just a lonely little brat who'll take a companion from any source. When I began to open up, I wanted someone who'd listen, who'd be able to relate my feelings to theirs. Ryou, I tried to show you care, but you just flinch and say I'm lying. You know, that hurts. That hurts like hell. And I don't like being hurt!"
I stand, and am immediately shoved back down. "Ryou, I hate being hurt. I hate it as much as anyone can. And then you come and say you care, and I think maybe I can have a Ra-damned friend, maybe someone'll actually listen to me. But you look away, you hide. You run from me. How the hell can I confide in someone who's afraid of me? I didn't want to open up to someone who'd be selfish, and that's why I tested you. I needed to be sure you cared. Maybe you do, Ryou, but I think you need to look inside yourself, and find just what that means to you."
I open my mouth in protest, but he slaps me. "Ryou, if you care, then look me in the eye and say it. Look me in the eye, and tell me that you'll still care even if you're scared. That you don't care if I'm mad. That your feelings aren't limited to when I'm being 'nice.'" His palm once again strikes my cheek, and I scream. He grabs me by the collar of the pajamas, and shakes me. "Tell me you'd care even if I were to reject you, if I hated you, if I made you crawl through a pit of scorpions for your food. If I were to say I wanted you dead. Look me in the eye and say it, Ryou! If you love me, tell me!"
Tears stream down my cheeks, and I close my eyes. I grit my teeth, feeling my heart try to hold itself together. "Say it, Ryou!"
"I hate you." No! That's not what I wanted to say!
He drops me, and I fall to my knees, weeping hysterically. "You hate me. Well, now we know where we stand." And I don't even know when he knocks me out.
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*sighs.* Wow. How am I going to get them out of this?
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Chapter Seven~ Unintentional Heartbreak
****
Supper. Whee-hurrah-yip-dee-doo. Oh, _yum._ Insert sweatbead here. Well, at least it's something new. Whee-yum-yum. Did they buy out some American chicken farm? A chicken pot pie. Not bad, really, but I think I'm going to go anti-poultry when I get out. Buc-buc-buckaw. No, scratch that. Bak-bak-baka!
I finish it, and ask the nuisance- anoo, I mean nurse- the time. Seven forty. Well, no more friends over, but I always have my PC! ^_________________^ I flick it on, and wonder who to call. Yugi? Hm, he eats late. Don't want to bug him. Honda? BLOODY HELL NO! Frankly, he gets on my nerves. Jonouchi? Maybe, but I'd hate to get him in trouble with his father. I went over there once, and let's just say, my yami would be more orderly, more sensible, and more sane. Ugh. Shudder! Anzu? Naah, I'm not in the mood to deal with a female. Kaiba? Hmmm, maybe. But does he eat late? I think he would, because of KaibaCorp. Yugi eats late for the same reason, his grandfather's business. Mokuba? No, I really want to deal with a peer.
"Well, how long has the royal prat been gone?" I gasp, and look up.
"Bakura-sama! Oh, gomen nasai! I-"
"-Totally forgot about me. I know. Am I surprised?" What can I say?
"Anoooooo, I guess not." He rolls his eyes.
"I told you to call me after Yugioh leaves! What, do you lack short-term memory? Or were you just ignoring me?" I flinch, and hang my head.
"I guess I lack memory! Gomen nasai!" I hide my face in my hands, ashamed. He is silent for a moment.
"Hm. You have expressed interest in learning ra em Kemet?" I nod. "Well, I've gotten a little sick of hearing 'gomen nasai' all the time. I think it's time for you to learn how to say it in another language. It's simple: Tcharu."
"Tcharu!" I enthusiastically blurt it out, and he chuckles.
"You're pretty amusing the first time you use a new word. You catch on quick, though. Just don't use it too much, or you'll wear it out." I nod, still embarrassed that I had forgotten Bakura-sama. He sits beside me.
"So, have an interesting time with Aa-perti sef-t (annoyance)?" I blush, knowing full well what he implies.
"We spoke, Bakura-sama. He gave me some advice, and didn't obliterate me. That's just about it." My other rolls his eyes again. I hate it when he does that, but I'm guilty of it, too.
"And just _what_ advice did he give, oh Hikari of mine?"
"Some advice about people." Yeah, right. Like I'm going to tell him it's advice about him? He looks down his nose at me, and I swallow.
"People." I nod, and he raises an eyebrow. "People. Is it 'people' or 'person?'"
"Person, Bakura-sama." I can't lie to him! Just who do you people think I am?
"Ah. I... see. And just who is this... person?" Oh, great. I JUST SAID I CAN'T LIE TO HIM! And now he expects me to tell him?
"Someone I can't talk to very easily." Well, that's true enough. "It's not the most gentle person in Taiu (the world)."
He rolls his eyes AGAIN, damnit, and scoffs. "Like that gives me any indication. All that does it tell me it's not you. Good thing, too, 'cause if you need advice in how to talk to yourself, you're in trouble!" My face reddens, and I turn away. Did he just call me the most gentle person? He gives a light chuckle, but unlike many he's given me, it's devoid of sarcasm or malice.
"What, IS it you?" I shake my head, and suddenly his hand races towards me y face. I wince, but it's not a blow he gives. Instead it's a quick bat at my hair. I squeak, and he drops his hand.
"Tcharu." Wait. Did he just apologize?
"For what, Bakura-sama?" My low voice quavers, and he gives a wan smile.
"Didn't mean to scare you." His eyes are hard, but it seems to be a strain to maintain that. What's going on?
"Sca- scare? You didn't! I just- I didn't expect it. I was expecting you to slap me." Is it just me, or did he shrink back when I said that? Wow. Is he uneasy?
"Slap you. Tcharu. I didn't think you'd expect that. But tell me. Why would I slap you, right now, if I were going to?" His eyes travel to the mirror and the setting sun, and he looks so wistful, like a trapped tiger. I bite my lip, and carefully construct my answer.
"I don't really know. I mean, you've hit me before for no apparant reason, but recently you've just been so- so merciful, if not nice. Maybe it's just an instinctive- you know, pre-programmed response. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm naturally an edgy person." I repress a tear, one which forms without warning.
"Merciful." He muses over the word, as though it is totally foreign to him. "Do you find the mercy helpful?"
Confused, I meet his gaze. "What do you mean, Bakura-sama? Helpful how?"
"Does it make you feel less frightened?" His face tells me nothing, but he seems to tremble ever so slightly. I swallow, and consider my feelings. Finally, I decide he must know the truth.
"Honestly, Bakura-sama, I don't know. Something within me is grateful, and hopes that it continues. But another part of me is more scared than ever, the pessimistic, suspicious part. It tells me that it's only an act, a temporary thing, and I shouldn't get used to it. That I shouldn't even like it, because it's false. It yells at me, says I shouldn't get my hopes up, for you're just going to destroy them like you have every other hope, every other dream." My voice raises in volume. "Bakura-sama, I'm afraid of you when I'm not sure what you're doing, or what you're going to do. It makes me so nervous when I'm not given a reason to fear you, and it hurts when I'm feeling so mistrusting. I don't know half the time what I feel, and none of the time what you feel! You've lied and cheated, manipulated me, told me to fear you and to obey you. You've called me weak, and pathetic, and stupid, when I'm being honest about my feelings with you. So how am I to know if you're being honest with me? You're a hypocrite, you know, unless you are lying. You say it's weak to show emotion, and yet you're being 'kind' to me. If that's not hypocricy, then it's dishonesty!" I show him my back, and await his response, forcing my tears back. For a long while, he doesn't speak. When he does, his tone is rough, dark.
"You think I'm going to use how you feel to control you, to hurt you. Is that it? Do you think it's easy to open up as much as I have? For Ra's sake! I'm a thief, not a heart-player! Ugh! You think I'm just screwing with your head? That's more sick than I'll ever do!" He gets up, and walks in front of me. Towering over me, he snarls. "I can't believe you. I try to help you, I try to show you how I feel, and you come out and say it might as well mean nothing good to you! You come out and say I might as well be some two-bit slut trying only to get in your pants, while I'm doing everything I can to make you feel like I care! Do you think it's easy for me to say some of the things I've told you in the last day? Do you have any idea of the pain I've gone through to admit to myself that I don't mind you? Do you even CARE that I'm standing here, basically GIVING you my deepest confessions, and feeling my entire existence shatter? Ever since I can remember, I've shoved people away. I've hidden how I feel, and avoided feeling anything! And now, you come along, and practically throw yourself at me, with thoughts of loving me. Do you know- do you even care- that I'm just as scared of my feelings as you are of yours? I thought I was perfectly adjusted, burying my emotions, and then you force me to feel them again! Listen, I hid my feelings just in case something like this happened. I didn't want to be rejected. And here you are, saying I'm just using you? Hear me well, Hikari. I don't think I'm the one using you, right now. I feel used. I think I am completely justified in saying there's a possibility of you using me, just for company. I heard you say you loved me, that you needed me. Well, too bad! I think I take back what I said, about not minding you. I mind! I mind getting my hopes up, thinking you care, and then realizing you're just a lonely little brat who'll take a companion from any source. When I began to open up, I wanted someone who'd listen, who'd be able to relate my feelings to theirs. Ryou, I tried to show you care, but you just flinch and say I'm lying. You know, that hurts. That hurts like hell. And I don't like being hurt!"
I stand, and am immediately shoved back down. "Ryou, I hate being hurt. I hate it as much as anyone can. And then you come and say you care, and I think maybe I can have a Ra-damned friend, maybe someone'll actually listen to me. But you look away, you hide. You run from me. How the hell can I confide in someone who's afraid of me? I didn't want to open up to someone who'd be selfish, and that's why I tested you. I needed to be sure you cared. Maybe you do, Ryou, but I think you need to look inside yourself, and find just what that means to you."
I open my mouth in protest, but he slaps me. "Ryou, if you care, then look me in the eye and say it. Look me in the eye, and tell me that you'll still care even if you're scared. That you don't care if I'm mad. That your feelings aren't limited to when I'm being 'nice.'" His palm once again strikes my cheek, and I scream. He grabs me by the collar of the pajamas, and shakes me. "Tell me you'd care even if I were to reject you, if I hated you, if I made you crawl through a pit of scorpions for your food. If I were to say I wanted you dead. Look me in the eye and say it, Ryou! If you love me, tell me!"
Tears stream down my cheeks, and I close my eyes. I grit my teeth, feeling my heart try to hold itself together. "Say it, Ryou!"
"I hate you." No! That's not what I wanted to say!
He drops me, and I fall to my knees, weeping hysterically. "You hate me. Well, now we know where we stand." And I don't even know when he knocks me out.
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*sighs.* Wow. How am I going to get them out of this?