Well, here I go trying to get this fic more completed!
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Chapter Eight~ Impassioned Mistakes
****
Warmth. And pain. Then a soft beeping. The metallic taste of blood. Finally, bright, white blankness as I slowly come to.
"Ugh. Itai." My neck. It feels like I've been roughly pressure-pointed, and I probably was. I lick around my mouth, searching for the origin of the blood taste, but find nothing. Groggily, I sit up, and find the pocket-PC on the bedside table. Ooh, not good. If a nurse saw it...
Picking it up, I see I have an email. Or, more accurately, Bakura-sama has an email. From Yugioh-san. I sigh, wishing that it's for me. How badly I need to talk. I exit from the phone/email menu, and see the time. Only nine-thirty. I prepare to shut down the machine, but am stopped when I see a program, minimized. Curious, I click it open, and immediately wish I hadn't. But I cannot restrain myself from reading it.
A poem.
Scry
My past, a mirror
Scratched and cracked
Pitted and scarred
Murky and chipped
Sharp, and painful to hold
Shards pierce my mind
My heart
My soul
Yet still, I see
Beyond the broken pieces
My past
Reflected to me
Bright, dazzling light
Shattered into a thousand suns
Burning my eyes
Searing my spirit
I shy away
Hide from the light
It shows your greatest flaw
It revealed my weakness
My inner psyche
You seek the shadow
Your mirror will illume you
Blow your cover
Seek you
Expose you
Your vulnerability
Your pain
Your past
My past
Our past, mirrors
Fractured, and the shards mingle
Reflecting our pasts
Our weaker selves
Blinding us
The desert sun
A thousand upon a thousand times
All we see
I, my malice
You, your mercy
Taken as shards of mirrors
I, too proud
You, too fearful
To admit
Perhaps
The mirrors are not as broken
As we'd hoped
As we'd meant
We descry our past
More clearly
And we are unmasked
My arrogance
Your timid self
The mirrors, perhaps
Had been fragmented
But the past cannot
Eternally be shattered
Mingling memories
Merge
Mangled essences
Untangle
And more clearly
I see
You are my mirror
You are my past
You are
Me
My eyes are filled with tears as again and again I soak in the words. This, written by Bakura-sama? For- for me? But why?
"I'll take that!" I startle as my yami grabs the PC from my hands. "Don't you know you should respect others' privacy?" His voice is harsh, rude.
"Tcharu, Bakura-sama!"
"You'd better be, slave! You'd better not have freaking screwed with it, or I'll use your hide as a drumskin!" Slave? I curl into a fetal position as these threatening words sink in. "Listen, I don't want you to call your friends anymore. Don't email them, don't call them, don't answer the phone or read emails. If they come, send them away." I pale.
"What? Why?" He growls, and grabs me by the ear. Hauling me to my feet, he stares me straight in the eye.
"It's apparant you don't want my company. If you're not going to take advantage of that which I offer, you may not have the privilege of having friends!" I grow ill, as I come to realize that he's taking his anger of my rejection out on me. But who else should he vent on?
"Bakura-sama, I- I'm so sorry! I- I don't know what came over me!"
"SILENCE! I don't want to hear any of your bullshit lies! I'm not going to make the same damn mistake twice!" He throws me onto the bed, and I lay there, not even bothering to hide.
'What have I done?' Uncontrollable sobs tear through my body, and I clutch at the blanket, as though I would a lifeline. Softly, I whisper, "I'm sorry, Bakura-sama. I guess all I am is a dependent, helpless brat. I can't do anything right, and I'm weak. I hurt you, like the little snot I am, and I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, but I did. Please, just kill me and be done with it."
"What the hell was that? You expect me to just let you die? No, slave, no matter how 'hurt' I am, I still need you, to keep the Millennium Ring. I hate how freaking necessary you are, but I can't let you die. I _tried_ to get a new host, but I couldn't get the Ring away from you. That damn shithead Ra decided to stick me with you, so I can't kill you."
"What is my life worth, if all I am is a lousy slave? I don't care. I've lost everything."
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I LOST? Do you even GIVE a SHIT that you DESTROYED my only hope of finding someone who cared? Neteru! I thought you were more sensitive than that! You little FOOL!" I whimper as he pours out his emotions, tearing out my heart. Weakly, I raise my hand, looking at the unscarred flesh. I hurt Bakura-sama, and ruined my life in the process. My thoughts a-whirl, adrift, I look at my fingernails. Not very sharp, but they would have to do.
'Gomen nasai, my yami,' I think as I abruptly dig my nails, claw-like, into my opposite wrist. The pain is sharp, but surprisingly welcomed. I rake them down my arm, and the warm blood- a beautiful color, I notice- pours over my pale skin. I smile as I split a vein, and anticipate my release.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bakura-sama demands, and, deliriously, I reply.
"Making your existence easier, Bakura-sama. You'll be free of me, soon. The Ring will find a new person for you." My heart hurts, but it's only from the physical stress upon it. It's not from heartbreak. It's not.
And then, I feel something soft press to my wounds. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. A gentle touch of silken skin, caressing it, petting the bleeding injuries. Yes, Bakura-sama. Are you happy to be free? I only want you to be happy.
"Ryou, you fool. Why do you want to do this?" Is it my bloodloss hallucinations, or is his voice tender?
"Because I want to make you happy. I hurt you, Bakura-sama, and I never wanted that. You hate me, now, and I just want to be out of your way, so you can live in peace." I smile, my vision going blurred.
"You think I hate you?"
"Why not? I made you think I hate you. I hurt you, and stripped you of your pride. I said I hate you, and that's the lie. That's my mistake. I hope that this makes up for it." He grips my hand, and I feel something- cool, and fresh- drip on my arm.
"I- I can't believe this. Ryou, will you make sense, for once? I- I can't take this! How can you even think that killing yourself could make up for it?" I smile weakly, wanly.
"You're right, Bakura-sama. I shouldn't have assumed that it would be enough."
"What? Oh, Ra! Ryou, you little baka, how dare you even think that of yourself? Listen, you need help. I'll call someone-"
"No." My voice, previously quiet, now holds a great firmness.
"What?" His is incredulous.
"Don't call anyone. If the nurses-"
"I'm definitely not going to call them! I plan on calling someone who might have an idea!" I smirk.
"Nima? (Who?)" He sighs, and growls indignantly.
"Yugioh. He might have a way for me to save you."
"Save me? From what?" He bolts up, and begins to pace.
"Death! Don't you get it, Ryou? You're dying!"
"Of course I get it, Bakura-sama. I'm glad of it." He gasps, and kneels by the bed.
"You did not just say that. You are going to live. You are going to be fine. I'll see to that if it means I have to kill Anpu (Anubis) Himself!"
"Why?" He is silent for a span, and I patiently wait.
"Because I need you. For more than a host body. I- I don't know what I'd do without you. I doubted you, at first, but then, I got more comfortable. But then, we just went ballistic on each other, and that- that really hurt. I was scared, Ryou, but I have to admit something, harder than anything else I've ever done. Ryou, do you want to hear it?" I hold my breath, and search my soul. Through the pain, the heartbreak, and the delirium, I find my answer.
"Please, Bakura-sama."
"Ryou, I'm scared. I hate admitting fear, but I'm more scared than I've ever been. Ryou, I don't totally understand it, but I need you. Not just your body, as a host, but you. Bakura Ryou. I need to be with you. I- I- I don't know how to say this, but, I- I love you. And if I lost you, I'd die. Completely. My soul would be lost, shredded. So don't die! If you dare die, then I- I- I don't know! Ugh, Ryou, please! Can you hear me?"
I open my eyes, and lay a pained gaze upon him. "I hear you, Bakura-sama."
"Ryou, please. Do you understand how I feel? I hate this! I can't handle this! Ryou, I need to know you understand me. I don't want to lose you. I can't!" He grabs my wounded arm, and begins to squeeze. Pulling it to him, he plants a kiss on my knuckles. "Ryou, I'm sorry I went back to treating you like a slave. But I have one last command for you. Ryou, if you love me, please! Don't leave me alone! That, I command!" These words, desperate and profound, cut into me deeper than my nails ever could, and I feel the true passion within them. A wave of peace sweeps over me, and I smile as I black out.
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No, this is not the end! One more to go!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter Eight~ Impassioned Mistakes
****
Warmth. And pain. Then a soft beeping. The metallic taste of blood. Finally, bright, white blankness as I slowly come to.
"Ugh. Itai." My neck. It feels like I've been roughly pressure-pointed, and I probably was. I lick around my mouth, searching for the origin of the blood taste, but find nothing. Groggily, I sit up, and find the pocket-PC on the bedside table. Ooh, not good. If a nurse saw it...
Picking it up, I see I have an email. Or, more accurately, Bakura-sama has an email. From Yugioh-san. I sigh, wishing that it's for me. How badly I need to talk. I exit from the phone/email menu, and see the time. Only nine-thirty. I prepare to shut down the machine, but am stopped when I see a program, minimized. Curious, I click it open, and immediately wish I hadn't. But I cannot restrain myself from reading it.
A poem.
Scry
My past, a mirror
Scratched and cracked
Pitted and scarred
Murky and chipped
Sharp, and painful to hold
Shards pierce my mind
My heart
My soul
Yet still, I see
Beyond the broken pieces
My past
Reflected to me
Bright, dazzling light
Shattered into a thousand suns
Burning my eyes
Searing my spirit
I shy away
Hide from the light
It shows your greatest flaw
It revealed my weakness
My inner psyche
You seek the shadow
Your mirror will illume you
Blow your cover
Seek you
Expose you
Your vulnerability
Your pain
Your past
My past
Our past, mirrors
Fractured, and the shards mingle
Reflecting our pasts
Our weaker selves
Blinding us
The desert sun
A thousand upon a thousand times
All we see
I, my malice
You, your mercy
Taken as shards of mirrors
I, too proud
You, too fearful
To admit
Perhaps
The mirrors are not as broken
As we'd hoped
As we'd meant
We descry our past
More clearly
And we are unmasked
My arrogance
Your timid self
The mirrors, perhaps
Had been fragmented
But the past cannot
Eternally be shattered
Mingling memories
Merge
Mangled essences
Untangle
And more clearly
I see
You are my mirror
You are my past
You are
Me
My eyes are filled with tears as again and again I soak in the words. This, written by Bakura-sama? For- for me? But why?
"I'll take that!" I startle as my yami grabs the PC from my hands. "Don't you know you should respect others' privacy?" His voice is harsh, rude.
"Tcharu, Bakura-sama!"
"You'd better be, slave! You'd better not have freaking screwed with it, or I'll use your hide as a drumskin!" Slave? I curl into a fetal position as these threatening words sink in. "Listen, I don't want you to call your friends anymore. Don't email them, don't call them, don't answer the phone or read emails. If they come, send them away." I pale.
"What? Why?" He growls, and grabs me by the ear. Hauling me to my feet, he stares me straight in the eye.
"It's apparant you don't want my company. If you're not going to take advantage of that which I offer, you may not have the privilege of having friends!" I grow ill, as I come to realize that he's taking his anger of my rejection out on me. But who else should he vent on?
"Bakura-sama, I- I'm so sorry! I- I don't know what came over me!"
"SILENCE! I don't want to hear any of your bullshit lies! I'm not going to make the same damn mistake twice!" He throws me onto the bed, and I lay there, not even bothering to hide.
'What have I done?' Uncontrollable sobs tear through my body, and I clutch at the blanket, as though I would a lifeline. Softly, I whisper, "I'm sorry, Bakura-sama. I guess all I am is a dependent, helpless brat. I can't do anything right, and I'm weak. I hurt you, like the little snot I am, and I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you, but I did. Please, just kill me and be done with it."
"What the hell was that? You expect me to just let you die? No, slave, no matter how 'hurt' I am, I still need you, to keep the Millennium Ring. I hate how freaking necessary you are, but I can't let you die. I _tried_ to get a new host, but I couldn't get the Ring away from you. That damn shithead Ra decided to stick me with you, so I can't kill you."
"What is my life worth, if all I am is a lousy slave? I don't care. I've lost everything."
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I LOST? Do you even GIVE a SHIT that you DESTROYED my only hope of finding someone who cared? Neteru! I thought you were more sensitive than that! You little FOOL!" I whimper as he pours out his emotions, tearing out my heart. Weakly, I raise my hand, looking at the unscarred flesh. I hurt Bakura-sama, and ruined my life in the process. My thoughts a-whirl, adrift, I look at my fingernails. Not very sharp, but they would have to do.
'Gomen nasai, my yami,' I think as I abruptly dig my nails, claw-like, into my opposite wrist. The pain is sharp, but surprisingly welcomed. I rake them down my arm, and the warm blood- a beautiful color, I notice- pours over my pale skin. I smile as I split a vein, and anticipate my release.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Bakura-sama demands, and, deliriously, I reply.
"Making your existence easier, Bakura-sama. You'll be free of me, soon. The Ring will find a new person for you." My heart hurts, but it's only from the physical stress upon it. It's not from heartbreak. It's not.
And then, I feel something soft press to my wounds. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. A gentle touch of silken skin, caressing it, petting the bleeding injuries. Yes, Bakura-sama. Are you happy to be free? I only want you to be happy.
"Ryou, you fool. Why do you want to do this?" Is it my bloodloss hallucinations, or is his voice tender?
"Because I want to make you happy. I hurt you, Bakura-sama, and I never wanted that. You hate me, now, and I just want to be out of your way, so you can live in peace." I smile, my vision going blurred.
"You think I hate you?"
"Why not? I made you think I hate you. I hurt you, and stripped you of your pride. I said I hate you, and that's the lie. That's my mistake. I hope that this makes up for it." He grips my hand, and I feel something- cool, and fresh- drip on my arm.
"I- I can't believe this. Ryou, will you make sense, for once? I- I can't take this! How can you even think that killing yourself could make up for it?" I smile weakly, wanly.
"You're right, Bakura-sama. I shouldn't have assumed that it would be enough."
"What? Oh, Ra! Ryou, you little baka, how dare you even think that of yourself? Listen, you need help. I'll call someone-"
"No." My voice, previously quiet, now holds a great firmness.
"What?" His is incredulous.
"Don't call anyone. If the nurses-"
"I'm definitely not going to call them! I plan on calling someone who might have an idea!" I smirk.
"Nima? (Who?)" He sighs, and growls indignantly.
"Yugioh. He might have a way for me to save you."
"Save me? From what?" He bolts up, and begins to pace.
"Death! Don't you get it, Ryou? You're dying!"
"Of course I get it, Bakura-sama. I'm glad of it." He gasps, and kneels by the bed.
"You did not just say that. You are going to live. You are going to be fine. I'll see to that if it means I have to kill Anpu (Anubis) Himself!"
"Why?" He is silent for a span, and I patiently wait.
"Because I need you. For more than a host body. I- I don't know what I'd do without you. I doubted you, at first, but then, I got more comfortable. But then, we just went ballistic on each other, and that- that really hurt. I was scared, Ryou, but I have to admit something, harder than anything else I've ever done. Ryou, do you want to hear it?" I hold my breath, and search my soul. Through the pain, the heartbreak, and the delirium, I find my answer.
"Please, Bakura-sama."
"Ryou, I'm scared. I hate admitting fear, but I'm more scared than I've ever been. Ryou, I don't totally understand it, but I need you. Not just your body, as a host, but you. Bakura Ryou. I need to be with you. I- I- I don't know how to say this, but, I- I love you. And if I lost you, I'd die. Completely. My soul would be lost, shredded. So don't die! If you dare die, then I- I- I don't know! Ugh, Ryou, please! Can you hear me?"
I open my eyes, and lay a pained gaze upon him. "I hear you, Bakura-sama."
"Ryou, please. Do you understand how I feel? I hate this! I can't handle this! Ryou, I need to know you understand me. I don't want to lose you. I can't!" He grabs my wounded arm, and begins to squeeze. Pulling it to him, he plants a kiss on my knuckles. "Ryou, I'm sorry I went back to treating you like a slave. But I have one last command for you. Ryou, if you love me, please! Don't leave me alone! That, I command!" These words, desperate and profound, cut into me deeper than my nails ever could, and I feel the true passion within them. A wave of peace sweeps over me, and I smile as I black out.
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No, this is not the end! One more to go!