Chapter Three: Meditation


"Just lie back and listen to the sound of my voice," Willow instructed trying to be as soothing as possible. She had popped in a CD of a waterfall or babbling brook to add to the tranquility effect. Tranquil or not, all Buffy knew was that the water made her have to urinate. She had also lit aromatherapy candles. Buffy was lying in her bed, all covered up in her sheets, and wearing her pajamas. It was still fairly light outside, the sun hadn't completely set yet.

"Okay, lying and listening," Buffy said fidgeting.

"Stop moving and relax," Willow said a little less soothing. She lit a sprig of lavender. The scent tickled Buffy's nose. "Okay," she said going back into the soothing voice. "now relax all the muscles in your body. Start with your toes, feel all of them loosen up."

"This little piggy went to market; this little piggy went home; this little piggy slayed three vamps; this little piggy slayed none," Buffy recited giggling.

"Buffy!" Willow snapped. "Come on, try to take this a little seriously. Just relax."

"I can't," Buffy whined, kicking her sheets off her. "It's too hard."

Willow shook her head and covered her best friend back up. "You're all loopy from lack of sleep." Buffy sighed and let Willow proceed. "Let go all of your tension, your worries. Release it all into space. Imagine being bathed in a bright, white light."

"That's easy enough I've been through that experience," Buffy half-joked.

"Buffy, be serious. You're making me feel all corny," Willow pleaded.

"Sorry, Will," Buffy apologized. She closed her eyes, "Okay, bring on the light."

Willow smiled. "Okay, go to your safe place.: A smile spread across Buffy's face. "Where's your safe place?"

"Mmm, lying in bed with Spike," Buffy answered not thinking.

"Really?"

"Uh... yeah," Buffy opened her eyes and Willow giggled then Buffy giggled..

"Okay, ahem," Willow cleared her throat after they were done. She lit another sprig of lavender. "Relax your arms and legs. Go to your safe place. Now, begin to breathe in and out slowly. Inhale all the positive, exhale all the negative."

Buffy didn't laugh this time. Instead, she started to fall into a deep sleep. Totally relaxing her body was the weirdest feeling, like being numb, but at ease. The lavender didn't itch her nose anymore, but now it was lit with different smells from the candles. Plus, the smell of Spike lingered somewhere near, as she fell completely to sleep. Willow left the good-smelling potpourri next to Buffy's bed and left the room and the slayer fast asleep.


Buffy felt totally at peace. She hadn't felt this way since, well, since she died, the last time. After what seemed like, hours later, she opened her eyes and looked over at the clock. It had only been a half an hour since she had fell asleep, yet she was refreshed. She went downstairs, but no one was there. No one was in the kitchen either, and Spike wasn't in the basement. 'Where is everyone?' she thought. She opened the front door and stepped outside. She stepped right into an all too familiar scene. There, atop the tower was Buffy and Dawn and Glory's Hell dimension that Dawn's blood had opened was growing. She saw herself run towards the end of the platform and jump off into the dimension. Buffy shuddered and gasped as she saw herself falling to the ground, dead. She looked around at her friends. Her sister, descending from the tower, shaking uncontrollably. Xander comforting Anya, or vice versa. Willow sobbing with Tara. Giles, wiping his eyes as his glasses fell to the floor. And Spike, who had collapsed to his knees, crying by himself. Of course, Buffy remembered none of this, so tears were running down her face as she watched them.

"It's hard to watch. Isn't it?"

Buffy spun around to see Tara. Pretty Tara all in white. "Tara?" She asked, not quite sure she should trust what she saw.

Tara smiled warmly. "Yeah. It's me. Not the first." She shook her head, her hair falling neatly onto her shoulders.

"Really?" Buffy eyed the jumpy girl.

"Really," Tara insisted. "I'm here to help you. To guide you."

"I don't need any guidance."

Tara nodded. "You do, Buffy. You're gearing up for a battle you aren't sure you're ready to face. There's too much on your mind and until you're sure of yourself, you're going to fail."

Buffy looked hard at Tara. "There's nothing wrong with me."

Tara nodded. "I know you don't think there's anything wrong. You don't want to believe that there's something wrong with you."

Buffy lunged at Tara, but she went right through her, tumbling towards the ground. "Who are you?" She demanded fiercely.

Tara walked over to her and held out her hand. "I told you. I'm supposed to guide you."

Buffy looked at Tara's outstretched hand and at her kind face. Somehow, she knew, that Tara was telling the truth. She took her hand. "All right. What's wrong with me, now?"

Tara smiled. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Watch."

Buffy and Tara watched Buffy's death scene in reverse. When it was back to where Buffy and Dawn were standing at the top of the tower. "This is one of your biggest what-ifs." Tara explained.

"What ifs?"

"It's what clouds your mind. All your fears and regrets. Everyone has them, only you get to watch yours over, in different outcomes."

"But why this one?" Buffy asked, tears welling in her green eyes. "I have no regrets about this one."

Tara looked down, "Your fear of losing Dawn." She looked up to the tower. Buffy saw Dawn jump into the opening dimension. Dawn falling to the ground. Dawn dead. Then she saw a whirlwind of destruction, everywhere demons roamed, people dying, and Buffy shut in her room, screaming on the floor. She had never gotten over Dawn's death.

"Is this what would've happened?" Buffy asked.

Tara shrugged. "It's one of the outcomes."

Buffy shook. "I couldn't let her die. She's my sister, but..."

"What if she wasn't your sister? What if she was just the ball of light?" Tara said.


At home, in the living room. Dawn began to tingle all over her body. She squirmed in the chair. Suddenly, light exhumed from every pore in her body. A shiny, green light poured into the room. At that moment, Xander and Willow walked into the room, with Spike trailing them. They all stopped dead in their tracks, shielding their from the blinding light.

"Xander! Willow! Help!" Dawn screamed. Spike dove for Dawn's arm but it was too late. His grasp went right through Dawn's, as she turned into a ball of bright light. The Key.