Chapter Ten: Confessions of a (Insert Adjective Here) Mind

(Here it is. The Last Chapter. I hope you all enjoyed this. I wanna say how deeply touched I am by all of your support and feelings on this story. Gracias.)


"Buff, still having trouble sleeping?" Xander asked.

Buffy turned around at the sound of Xander's voice. She had been sitting in the kitchen, thinking about what had happened that day. She smiled, "No, just sippin' some tea." She held up her mug as an indication.

"So," he leaned against the door frame, "are you okay?"

Buffy sighed, "I think so. Better, that's for sure."

Xander nodded. Buffy could tell there was something else he wanted to say. "You know, I'm not sorry that you dragged us into all this. I don't wish you weren't a part of our lives. If you had never come to Sunnydale, my life would be a lot more boring."

Buffy stared into the tea in her mug. Big, warm tears stung her eyes but she blinked them back.

"Any ways, get some sleep. Goodnight." Xander said leaving the kitchen. "Goodnight," Buffy called back, but Xander was out of earshot. She sniffled and put her mug in the sink. She climbed the stairs to her bedroom. On the way she looked in on Dawn. She chuckled, Dawn was drooling on her pillow, sound asleep. She passed by Willow's bedroom, she stopped and debated about going in. She had her hand on the doorknob, but it jerked away as Willow flung open the door and half-screamed.

"Buffy! I didn't know you were there! Are you okay?" Willow asked flushed.

"Yeah, Will, I'm okay. What are you doing?"

The witch looked down at her slippered feet. "Oh, i was going to go check on you," she confessed.

"Why?"

Willow shrugged. "I wanted to tell you that I'm not mad at you, you know for turning me into a vampire and all."

"Thanks," Buffy said sheepishly.

Willow fidgeted. "I also wanted to tell you that, I've never regret you saving me. If you hadn't saved me, I would've turned into a vampire and you would've killed me. It's a pretty good deal here."

Buffy looked at her best friend. "Uh, you're welcome?"

Willow smiled. "You're welcome too." They reached over and hugged each other, tightly. "I'm glad you're my best friend."

"I am too."

Willow went back into her room and Buffy continued to her own. When she reached it, she snuggled under the covers. Her satisfaction was halted by a sudden creak from the door. Her eyes flashed open, nothing had changed in the room. Wait, there it was, that faint smell. Leather, cigarettes, and after shave?

"You're losing your touch, Spike," she replied sitting up. "And when do you shave?"

The vampire emerged from the dark corner, "Yeah," he smirked, "Must be all this bloody good-doing. Makin' me careless an' such."

"And the after shave?"

He shrugged, "Thought you might like it. Girl at the mall said it makes the ladies go wild."

Buffy smiled. It felt good. "Are you having trouble sleeping now? Lurking around the house, hoping for some action?"

Spike sighed. "You know, Buffy..." he said coming over and sitting beside her on the bed. He looked down at his black-painted fingers nails. He couldn't seem to find the right words. She reached over and took his hands in hers, she whispered. "I thought I had lost you."

He looked up at her surprised. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"For a moment you did."

"I know. I understand it now."

"What's that, luv?"

Buffy looked into his eyes that looked back at her with curiosity, love, and a slight sadness. "Everything. Why I couldn't kill you all those times, why my friends are still her by my side, why I'm still here."

"Why?"

"Because, people have faith in me. They have hope in me. That's just enough to keep me going." She felt a huge weight lift, it was one of many, but it was an important one.

Spike kissed her forehead. "You know why I could never kill you?"

"Because I'm that good?"

He rolled his eyes. "No. I knew from the moment I saw you, that you were different. You're good and bad, light and dark, beautiful and ugly."

"I'm ugly?!"

"Not like that. You have ugly truths inside, ugly feelings to deal with. You're everything that's worth living to me. When I realized that, I never wanted to be away from you. I love you." He stopped and looked at her, half wincing to hear her reaction.

She caressed his cheek, soaking in all that he said to her. "I know," she finally said. He wrapped his arms around her and lied back on her bed. They lied there the entire night, both awake, comforted by each other's presence.

'Someday, she'll tell you...' Cassie's haunting message repeated over and over in Spike's mind. "Someday..." Spike whispered out loud.