I Wish You'd Stay
Summary: I had recently discovered a name for constantly breaking cannon, alternate universe, so that's what this apparently is. I seem to have an affinity for a/u, anyway. I had asked Mel (thanks again for your editing help!) once why Bryn had left the SIU, and she told me that we never found out; the writers just left us hanging. I am a constant daydreamer and I have had some really good ideas for an answer for a while now. I had always aspired to write a long 'epic' fanfic, so hopefully that's what this will be. As always, read and review!
P.S. If there are any Duesies in the crowd (you know who you are), I have included some spots here and there for you; I don't think that show should have ever been canceled either!
Disclaimer: Ho-hum, Nash Bridges is not mine, yadda yadda; I am not making any money off of this story... Jeff Perry, Mary Mara, Don Johnson, none of those guys are mine either. The song I used belongs to Brad Paisley and all of his friends; I'm not making any money off of that either.
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Harvey tied the laces on his dress shoes and stood up as he admired his reflection in the mirror. Although he had felt obligated to sacrifice the beret tonight, Harvey had stilled his conscience with the fact that armband was remaining behind. "Not bad, Leek, not bad at all, if you do say so yourself."
As he headed out the door, Harvey's eye caught the picture he had of the entire gang at last year's Christmas party and he lingered for a moment over Bryn's laughing image. I bet she looks great tonight.
---
Inger grabbed Joe's shoulders firmly and shook them, forcing him to stop struggling and look at his wife. "Joseph, I can't fix your tie if you won't stand still! You're running late and you can't afford to fuss at me any longer."
"Aw, hon, you know I hate getting dressed up. I wish we could just wear T- shirts and boxers to work everyday." Joe sighed and resigned himself to his wife's preening.
Finishing the knot, Inger stood back and gave him a final once-over, proud of her work. "Darling, you look great. It's a pity that we couldn't find a baby-sitter for Lucia tonight; I would have loved to have come with you."
"Oh, no, you wouldn't. Stuffed shirts, inter-department politics, table manners ... You're better off staying as far away from it as you can get, Inger." Laughing as he kissed his wife and daughter goodbye, Joe grabbed his keys and hurried out the door.
---
"Ow! Holy crap! Mmmm!" Bryn yelped in pain and stomped her foot as she set her curling iron down on the vanity and ran her hand under some cold water to numb the pain. Eyeing the red streak still remaining on her hand, Bryn grimaced and sighed; she would have to wear gloves after all.
As the pain subsided, Bryn glanced up at herself in the bathroom mirror. She had finally won the war with her stubborn hair, and the dark blue satin hung on her body gracefully. Bryn gathered up the hem of her gown so as not to step on it and walked out the door to her car. For a consciously inexplicable reason, she couldn't wait to see Harvey.
---
Nash came out of his bedroom and stood before his daughter, awaiting inspection. When Cassidy didn't look up from her homework, he cleared his throat loudly to get her attention. "Well, what do you think?"
"Whoa, Dad! Very nice!" Cassidy let loose a comically seductive whistle and went over to her father, giving him a quick hug. "You look great! Have fun tonight, okay?"
Laughing, he returned his daughter's embrace. "I'll see what I can do, Cass."
---
Evan grunted as he struggled with the buttons on his dress shirt. Come on, man, at least you're plainclothes and you don't have to wear your uniform tonight; not everybody's that lucky. Finishing his look with some gold cufflinks, Evan took the opportunity to admire the finished product that grinned back at him from the full-length mirror on his closet door. "Enough to knock any chick dead, as usual."
---
Harvey, Evan, Nash and Joe sat the SIU's table, making small talk with the occasional officer that stopped by to say hello as they waited for the meal to be served and the banquet to begin.
Joe fidgeted with his napkin; impatient for the whole thing to start so it could be over with. "So, where's Bryn? Isn't she coming?"
Nash shrugged as he took a sip of his drink. "I'm sure she'll be here soon; we're nominated for Task Force of the Year again. She has to come."
Joe's inquiry was answered as a tuxedoed usher led Bryn to the table and pulled her chair out for her. All four inspectors stood up immediately as Bryn was seated and sat back down when she was settled and had a drink at her hand. Bryn offered a questioning look at the unexpected display of chivalry, especially at Evan's, but Nash quickly produced an explanation.
"If we have to get dressed up like this, we might as well go for the gold. Besides, you'd be surprised at how many other little tricks Evan was taught tonight, right bubba?" Chuckling, he looked over at Harvey and winked.
Harvey struggled to find his voice and respond as he took in Bryn's full beauty. She wore a snug gown that complimented every inch of her body and her blonde hair was piled in elegant curls on top of her head. Bryn looked nice no matter what she wore, but tonight. Oh, yeah. Answer the question. Harvey bowed slightly and gently kissed her gloved hand as he remembered how to smile. "Yeah, like always to compliment the lady on how she looks. Bryn, you're absolutely stunning this evening."
She was momentarily startled by the genuine admiration she saw in Harvey's eyes, but the choruses of agreement from Evan, Joe, and Nash plus the arrival of her meal took Bryn's mind off of whatever track it was heading down.
---
The banquet was over, the San Francisco Police Department's Special Investigations Unit was once again the top task force in the state, and the five inspectors were preparing to leave, more comfortable clothes on the minds of everyone.
Evan handed Bryn her bag as he pulled out her chair, waiting for her to stand up. "I've been in training for this night almost two weeks. Aren't ya proud?"
Bryn laughed as she came to her feet and turned to leave. Just take this while you can, you'll probably never see it again. At least not until next year. "Yes, Evan, I'm very flattered. I'll see everybody in the morning. Night, guys!"
As Bryn walked out the door and headed to her car, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and a friendly but unfamiliar face looked back at her. "Inspector Carson?" When she nodded in confirmation, he smiled and continued. "Good. I was hoping to catch you before you left. Congratulations on your unit being honored tonight. I'm Detective James Morrison, from the DEA."
Bryn decided to play along as she shook the proffered hand, even though she had no idea who this man was or what he wanted. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Is there something I can help you with?"
"Well, yes. I'll get straight to the point. I'm here to offer you a position with our team, the undercover team to be specific. With your experience, you could come straight in as a detective; none of those annoying ladder rungs to climb up. Your recognition tonight only confirms this." Morrison's smile deepened as he looked at the blonde woman expectantly; the prospect obviously appealed to her and Carson would be a prime addition to his lineup.
Bryn's mouth opened slightly as she tried to absorb the elephant that was just metaphorically dropped in her lap. She couldn't believe that someone would just walk up to her like this. This guy is out of his mind, acting like a recruiter for an NFL team. "Sorry, Detective, but I'm very happy with where I'm at right now. Thank you for the offer, though; I'm complimented." Bryn opened her car door and tossed her bag into the passenger seat when he touched her shoulder again.
"That's too bad, Miss Carson. But please, take my card and don't hesitate to call if you happen to change your mind. The offer stands indefinitely. Again, please extend my congratulations to your entire unit." Smiling and bowing slightly just like Harvey had earlier, he placed a business card in her hand and strolled off to his own vehicle.
Shaking her head at the thought of leaving her best friends, she gathered the skirt of her gown in her hand and moved to sit down in the driver's seat. As Bryn bent her head to keep from brushing her curls against the roof of her car, her head jerked up quickly at the sound of a dark-haired woman screaming.
"Tony!!! Tony, come back and stand with mommy! Hurry!" A small boy stood in the middle of the street, turning around to see what his worried mother wanted. Little Tony never saw the black sedan heading straight for him.
Bryn watched in complete horror as the situation unfolded in front of her. Tony's curious smile towards his mother faded and was replaced with a mixture of pain and terror as the thud of metal hitting flesh filled Bryn's ears. Leaving her car door open, Bryn ran to the boy, slipping on the asphalt in her high heels.
Tony's mother was screaming in Italian as she held her injured son in her arms. Bryn turned around to see which direction the driver was heading and saw Nash and Joe standing on the sidewalk, shooting at the tires, attempting to get the car to stop. Two bullets shattered the back glass, but the third one found its mark, causing the black Cadillac to careen out of control and hit a nearby telephone pole.
Two young uniformed officers hurried over to the driver and dragged him out of the car, while the two inspectors were joined by Harvey and Evan rushing out the door of the restaurant and joining them. Confident that the driver was under control, all four ran to where Bryn was at and pushed through the quickly growing crowd.
"Alright, people, come on! Out of the way, move!" Joe's stomach turned at the sight before him. A little boy that couldn't have been five years old yet lay on the ground as Bryn fought to provide artificial respiration to him. Oh, sweet mother. What if that little kid was Lucia.?
Harvey reached into his pocket for his phone to call for an ambulance and Joe and Evan knelt close to Bryn, ready to take over the CPR once she got tired. Nash sat next to the distraught mother and held her in his arms, whispering comforting words to her as she sobbed.
Bryn pushed determinedly at the boy's chest, willing him not to give up. Come on, you're only four or five; you can't quit this early in the game, come on.
The boy's body convulsed and Bryn thought she had somehow gotten through to Tony. She bent her head down quickly to give him another breath when his body convulsed again. Bryn sat back, gagging, as his blood dripped out of her mouth. Tony jerked once more, spitting up more blood before turning his head to his mother. "Mommy? M-mommy, my tummy hurts. Help me."
Bryn spit Tony's blood out of her mouth and moved towards him again, but stopped herself when the ambulance screeched up beside them, lights flashing and people pouring out. She scooted back quickly as a short, curly-haired woman that had to have weighed all of 100 pounds soaking wet shoved Evan out of her way and knelt next to the small form that had stopped convulsing and now lay still.
"How long have you been doing CPR on the kid?" The woman looked at Bryn and waited impatiently for an answer as another burly black medic came up beside her with a backboard and began delicately maneuvering it underneath the small body.
"Just a few minutes. He started jerking and throwing up blood; I had to quit for a minute. That's when you guys got here." Bryn felt a growing sense of doom as she watched two more medics pushing through the crowd with a collapsible gurney with a large medical bag resting on top of it.
The diminutive EMT got out of their way and repositioned herself next to the huge man who was finishing with a strap on the backboard. One of the other medics grabbed the red bag and knelt in her place, hurriedly searching through it for the proper instrument. "Alright, Perkins, suction him! We've got intubate him so he can breathe, but we can't do it with that fluid in his throat. MOVE!!!"
Perkins cursed under his breath as he cut the boy's buttoned-up shirt down the front to fully expose the throat. For the love of all that is holy, I hope we aren't too late. I've never seen anybody look like this and wake up again, not anybody.
With the blood removed from Tony's throat and an intubator placed in the boy's esophagus, the medics placed two of themselves at each end of the boy, while the first medic looked at her teammates questioningly. "On three? One, two, three." Tony was lifted onto the gurney and strapped on. Tiny and Goliath pushed him quickly towards the ambulance while the other two ran in front to open the doors and help the gurney inside.
Harvey helped Bryn to her feet and wiped the remaining droplets of blood off of her mouth with a handkerchief. Looking at each other without saying a word, both inspectors knew that it was over; the ambulance would never reach the ER in time to help him.
Leek was torn at the emotions he saw washing over Bryn's face as she eyed the ambulance doors clapping shut before it sped away from the scene, sirens squealing. He was upset for the boy and his mother, but Harvey was more concerned about what he had just seen Bryn go through, for a selfish reason that he quickly pushed out of his mind as he again caught sight of the distraught mother.
"Bryn, are you going to be alright?" When she didn't answer him, he raised his voice slightly. "Bryn! Carson, are you okay?"
Bryn jumped slightly and looked at Harvey as though she was just noticing his presence for the first time that evening. "I'm-I'm fine. I mean, why wouldn't I." The image of Tony turning his head towards his mother and pleading for help came into her mind again and she collapsed into Harvey's arms, wanting desperately to cry but finding that she wasn't able to. I can't believe this! He's just a kid! "Harv, why did this happen? He probably hadn't even learned how to ride a bike yet!"
"Bryn, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know why this happened. I can tell you one thing, though. We're going to get this guy. We all saw him do this and he's going down." Harvey kissed the top of Bryn's head and held her closer, wanting to erase the past few moments for her and heartbroken that he couldn't.
Two obviously inexperienced and young officers dragged the handcuffed driver up to the crowd, causing the two inspectors to interrupt the embrace. Flushed with importance, they presented him before Nash and Joe like he was a hunting trophy, eager to impress the senior inspectors and in no doubt that they had done so.
Bryn left Harvey's side and stormed over to the man who had just ran down a child in front of almost two hundred people. "What did that kid ever do to you, huh? Answer me that."
Bryn was answered only with sarcastically laughing eyes and a smug grin and she felt her ire rising by the minute at how this creature could possibly be proud of something so heinous. "Wipe that smile off your face! Answer me! Look at her! Look what you've done!" She pointed to the lady who had returned to Nash and was again sobbing uncontrollably with grief
Bryn had wanted to scream at this guy, hit him, shoot him, kill him, anything to make him pay for murdering an innocent child. She jumped at him, not sure of what she would do next, but was stopped when she felt a grip on her arm.
Bryn whipped around and saw Evan behind her, his face a mixture of warning and compassion. "Sister, let's go. This S.O.B. isn't worth doing something you're going to regret in the morning."
Bryn took a deep breath and allowed Harvey and Joe to lead her back to her car. Evan turned to follow them, but not before he spoke to the man who was now practically giggling. "You're gonna get yours, just wait." When the driver again just smiled, Evan felt his fist ball up and he felt a taste of the hatred Bryn must be feeling right now. That rat bast- how could he do this and then seem so arrogant? Remember his own advice just a moment ago, he gave a final glare and stalked off.
---
Nash slammed his hand on his desk in anger at what he had just found out about. "You've got to be kidding me! We SAW him do this, and now you're telling me he's just walking away without even a slap on the wrist?"
The voice on the other end of the phone feigned sympathy as she once again explained the situation. "It was his right, it was denied to him, and now you know what we have to do. You've known this for what, thirty years now? How long have you been a cop anyway?"
Nash slammed the phone down, not wishing to be interviewed about how long he'd been wearing a badge. The desk sergeant was right, although he didn't want to admit it. This wasn't the first time Nash had seen a loophole like this develop, even though he still loathed it.
His eyes flicked up from his desk blotter at the sight of Bryn coming in for the morning and he rubbed his hand over his face, wondering how to tell her. Nash was concerned about how involved she was becoming with the situation, but he figured he didn't have a lot of room to be speaking about becoming fixated on a case. Nash sighed as he stood up and walked over to her. I'm willing to bet I've never even heard of angry yet.
Bryn looked up when Nash sat on the corner of her desk. "Nash, I got Ms. Vecchio a lawyer already and he's on his way; right now, she's in Interrogation three and Ronnie's taking her statement as we speak." She stopped talking and felt her insides contract at the look on Nash's face. "What? What happened?"
"Uh, Bryn, don't bother. This guy, this Armando Langostini, he's gone." His heart went out to her as he watched a combination of surprise and confusion come over her face and he was fairly certain that she had never dealt with something like this before.
"They let him go? What for? We saw him commit cold-blooded murder and now he's free?" Bryn shook her head in disbelief at what she was hearing.
"The two rookies that arrested him last night, well, they didn't read him his rights. We lost him. Sister, this thing was over before it even got started. I'm sorry, Bryn, I know how important this was to you."
Bryn held up a hand to stop his condolences; she didn't feel like hearing them right now. "Does Francesca know?"
"Who?"
"Francesca Vecchio, the mom. The little boy's name was Tony, and he was going to turn five in a month and a half. Excuse me Nash, I need some air." Bryn stood and marched out to the fantail, needing to be alone and swearing silently when she heard Nash follow her.
Bryn leaned on the railing, feeling the tears that had tried to come last night renew their attempt. They finally succeeded and as she buried her head in her arms, Nash put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed hard. He jumped back when she straightened up suddenly and faced him.
"Nash, he knew. That guy knew they hadn't read him his rights. That's why he was so pleased with himself last night. Nash, he knew he was going to get away with this." Bryn began crying once more and didn't fight when Nash pulled her to him.
When her tears finally subsided, she stood back and took a deep breath. "Nash, let me get this straight. This man killed a four-year old boy in front two hundred eyewitnesses, and he's walking? Is that what happened?"
Nash furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to understand what Bryn was getting at. "Yeah, basically. I don't like this either, sister. In fact, I hate it, but there's nothing we can do. We didn't write California's laws, but we have to uphold them anyway."
Bryn looked at Nash in bewilderment at how callous he was being, but she decided to save it for later. She needed some time to think about the thought that had suddenly entered her brain. "Nash, I'm going home; file it as a sick day."
Nash narrowed his eyes indignantly at how brazenly Bryn had gone over his head just now, but quickly concluded that this was not the time to challenge her. "That's fine, sister. We're here if you need anything, alright?" Giving her another hug, he walked back towards the office to deal with all the other criminals in San Francisco who hadn't found loopholes.
---
Bryn walked into her apartment and quietly shut the door. She wanted to slam it, but couldn't find the energy.
Fixing a cup of tea, Bryn went into her bedroom to lie down. Setting the mug on her nightstand, she wished it were tequila as she flopped onto the mattress.
Bryn sat back up to reach for the steaming liquid and her eyes passed over the outfit she had worn last night. The gloves lay on the arm of her chair, and she remembered how happy the evening had started out. Bryn recalled how her heart had skipped a beat when she saw Harvey and how she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at how he had worn his Grateful Dead armband with a tuxedo. Bryn also remembered how warm she had felt inside when Harvey took her hand and kissed it and also when he had complimented her appearance. As miserable as she felt, Bryn smiled fondly at the recollection. Harvey can always make me smile, especially when I don't feel like it.
As her eyes drifted from the gloves to the shoes on the floor, the happy memories dissolved rapidly and she thought again of seeing Tony run down and how Bryn felt she had to save him, even though she knew she could never make it in time. The heels were scuffed with black asphalt from when she had stumbled, and one of the buckles on the left shoe was broken.
Bryn closed her eyes tightly and shook her head in an attempt to clear the horrid memories. Her eyes then fell on her gown, which was hanging up on the closet door. There were several dark spots on the front that appeared almost black against the blue satin, and Bryn recognized them as some of the blood Tony had coughed up.
Bryn set her tea back on the nightstand and broke down for a second time as she fought again to rid her mind of the images. I saw him fly through the air, I was giving him CPR, I had his blood in my mouth, I heard him say his tummy hurt, and I watched him die. I watched a completely innocent boy die, and the monster that did it won't ever pay.
Bryn breathed deeply in an attempt to calm herself down, and as she reached again for her tea, her hand paused as it brushed against her badge. She stared carefully at it for a long time as she mused out loud about her job.
"I've been a cop for sixteen years. Sixteen years. How could I have been so blind, how could I have given almost half of my life to something that has rules like this?" The picture of Tony asking his mother to help him returned and she swallowed hard to eighty-six the tears before they started again. This Langostini guy is getting away with homicide because of some stupid tyro's mistake. Too tired to think anymore, Bryn curled up in a fetal position and fell asleep.
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"Cara, my precious cara, I love you." A woman in a black dress knelt next to a granite angel and placed four red roses at the stone feet as the tears that she shed quickly smudged her makeup. "Mommy loves her little Antonio, and she'll be with you soon. Have fun with daddy until I come up there with you both." Kissing her hand and then placing it on the angel's cheek, the Italian woman stood up and walked towards her car as the rain began to fall.
In the carefully manicured trees on the border of the cemetery, a man in an expensive black suit watched the grieving woman drive away and he began to laugh. Armando Langostini shook with sadistic mirth as his laugh grew louder and louder, then he suddenly stopped and turned his head as if just noticing that somebody was watching him. The green eyes suddenly turned red and the smile was instantaneously replaced with a scowl as he hissed a single word before disappearing completely. "Bryn!"
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Bryn sat up in bed with a start, gasping for air as cold sweat dripped down her forehead. After looking around quickly to reassure herself that it was only a nightmare, Bryn placed a hand against her chest to feel how fast her heart was racing.
As the dreamt sound of Langostini's maniacal laughter filled her head again, Bryn made the decision she had been contemplating since she had first been out on the fantail that morning. Taking her badge in her hand, she turned it over and over, knowing that she had to do this, whether it was right or not. It's over. I'm just not strong enough anymore.
---
Nash sighed heavily as he accepted Bryn's badge and weapon. I can't believe she's doing this. What am I supposed to say to her? Placing his chin in his hand, he looked at Bryn hard, praying to find some trace of uncertainty, but he found nothing but a stoic expression. "Bryn, are you sure?"
She looked down at the floor, not quite sure what to say herself. "Nash, I'm sure. Please don't try to stop me. Please."
"You're a big girl and you obviously can make your own decisions. I won't force you to stay here, but Bryn, I need you to know that I think you're making a mistake."
Bryn met Nash's eyes once more before answering quietly. "Maybe." She looked up at the sounds of Joe, Harvey and Evan coming back in from a case and fled. I'll say goodbye later. I can't do it right now.
Joe walked up to his partner's desk, not noticing what lay underneath Nash's hand. "Hey, Nashman, what was that all about? Is Bryn okay?"
Nash turned his head up so he could look his partner in the eye. "Uh, bubba, she just quit." He moved his hand to display her surrendered belongings and continued. "Bryn's leaving because she said can't pour her heart and soul into a system that works like this."
"What are you talking about, the Vecchio kid?" Joe's face creased into a frown as he felt something very good coming to an end. Bryn was the last one I would expect to go south on us like this over one case.
"Yeah, him. I just hope that this turns out to be a leave of absence instead of something final, like she tells me it is." He broke eye contact with Joe and looked over at Harvey and Evan who had been standing behind Joe, both of them too stunned to say a word.
Evan was the one to break the silence, and he stuttered with disbelief. "Y- you mean she left? Just like-just like that, she up and punks out on us?"
Nash gave his youngest inspector a look that resembled one a parent would give to a child that knew better than that. "Ev, I think that's putting it pretty strong."
"I'm right, though, and you know it. She's been a cop almost as long as Harvey; I know for a fact this isn't the first guy she's seen get cut loose because of a technicality." Evan stomped back to his own desk, more angry than distressed at the fact that Bryn was resigning.
Harvey remained at Nash's desk, still unable to speak. He felt like somebody had kicked him in the gut as he picked up Bryn's badge and held it tightly in his fist. Deliberately and slowly, he discovered his voice. "When's she leaving?"
"Immediately, I guess. I have her badge and her gun; she can't do anymore police work. I don't think she would just walk out of here without saying goodbye to us, though." Nash sighed again as he tried to comprehend that his team had just lost one of its members of her own free will.
Setting Bryn's badge back on Nash's desk, Harvey took his beret off and twisted it in his hand for a moment before putting it back on his head and returning to his desk, muttering to himself as he sat back down at his computer. "Yeah, she wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, would she?"
---
Bryn felt tears well up in her eyes as she watched the three inspectors walk out the door of the ferry. What had just happened was by no means a party, but Joe, Nash and Evan had come to tell her goodbye and wish her well, whatever she decided to do. Misty-eyed, Bryn told them that her decision was permanent, but that she would always love them and miss them more than anyone could imagine.
As she set the cardboard box of her belongings on her desk, Bryn felt her knees begin to buckle. Weeping, she fell into her chair. The one inspector she had wished would come to tell her goodbye hadn't shown up, and Bryn cried harder and harder until she thought she would choke herself. She knew that Harvey was going to be the hardest one to say goodbye to, but he was the one man she had wanted to see one last time more than anybody.
"Come on girl, stop this. Stop it right now." Bryn gave herself a pep talk to stop the tears. "You're going, and that's that. It doesn't matter if Harvey comes to see you off or not." She swallowed hard to stop the threatening sobs, knowing full well that it did matter.
Bryn didn't notice Harvey quietly coming up behind her and standing, waiting for the right moment to tell her what he had come to say. He tenderly placed a hand on her shoulder, and winced when she jumped about a foot in the air. "Sorry, Bryn. I didn't mean to scare you."
Bryn wiped at her eyes so Harvey wouldn't see the streaks of mascara making their way from her eyelashes down her cheeks. "I didn't think- I thought I wasn't going to get to say goodbye to you. I was afraid you weren't coming."
Harvey began rubbing at his ear with a forefinger as he spoke with a hesitant voice. "I waited on purpose. Those guys don't need to hear what I have to say to you."
Bryn's eyebrows lined themselves with consternation and her mouth opened slightly. "What do you need to say?"
Harvey met her eyes and took a deep breath before answering. "Bryn, why are you leaving the SIU? Don't BS me, either. Tell me the truth."
Bryn's head dropped; she wasn't able to tolerate the intensity she saw in Harvey's gaze. I couldn't lie to him if I wanted to. "Harvey, I was betrayed. I gave my life to the state of California, and it lied to me. I can't keep giving all my energy to somebody or something that lets a murderer loose because some kid wasn't familiar with all the rules yet. I just can't. Harvey, I wish I had the strength to do it, but I don't."
Closing his eyes and nodding slightly, Harvey fought desperately for the courage to tell Bryn how he felt about her, but it wouldn't come. He could see any chance he would ever have with Bryn slipping away at an alarming rate, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Bryn how much he cared for her. Harvey was just too scared.
Becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the silence between them, Harvey made a feeble attempt at sounding conversational. "So, where do you think you'll be going?"
Bryn lifted her head up to look at Harvey and her breath caught in her throat at the emotion Harvey was showing in his face as he waited for her answer. "I don't know. I'm going to stay with my sister in Chicago for a while; I'll figure things out in a few months. What do you think I should do?"
I think you should stay here with me, Bryn. I love you. Harvey took Bryn by the arm and pulled her to her feet, bringing her face inches from his. "Bryn, it doesn't matter what I think. You deserve to have everything you've ever wanted. If you can't be happy here, then you need to go somewhere where you will."
Harvey reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of folded paper, placing it on Bryn's desk. When she turned around to see what it said, he gently grabbed her hand to stop her. "Bryn, don't read it now. Not while I'm here." Harvey's throat felt swollen and tight as he pulled Bryn into his arms to say farewell.
Holding back the tears took every ounce of strength of Harvey possessed as she clung to him and returned the hug fiercely. He held Bryn close, desperate to keep her in his arms as long as he could knowing that once he let her go, he would probably never see her again. A single tear escaped his restraints as he whispered into her ear. "I'll miss you, Bryn. Think of me once in awhile, okay?"
When the two finally pulled apart, Bryn searched Harvey's face desperately for a clue as to what he was trying so hard to say but for some reason wasn't able to. "Harvey Leek, you don't have to ask."
Making one last attempt to find the nerve to tell her the entire truth and failing miserably, he left Bryn to the piece of paper on her desk.
---
When Harvey got out to his Ranchero, he looked over at Evan, who was leaning against the hood of the Ram. "Thanks for waiting, man."
Evan regarded his partner with a slightly raised eyebrow as he spoke. "What did she say?"
Harvey put his hands in his pockets and stared at his shoes before answering. "She didn't say anything, Ev. I didn't have the guts to tell her."
Evan pouted his lips thoughtfully and looked off to the side as he tried to decide how to respond. One half of him wanted to punch Harvey in the mouth for being such a coward about something this important, but the other half told him that Harvey needed a friend right now, not an admonisher. "Did you give her the lyrics?"
Harvey let out a loud breath; he was exasperated with himself for how he had handled the situation. "Yeah, I did. She doesn't even know what they are; I told her to wait until I was gone before she read them."
Evan knew the answer to his next question before he even voiced it, but a sense of duty to his friend made him ask it anyway. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Harvey opened the door to the Ranchero and got inside. "I'll feel like talking once I'm too drunk to know any better." He started the motor and looked at Evan inquiringly. "Bar or the Dead Room?"
Evan took his keys out of his pocket and walked to the driver's side of his truck before replying. "Dead Room, brother. I'm right behind ya."
---
Bryn felt like her heart was breaking as she watched Harvey walk out of the ferry. She knew that saying goodbye to him was going to be difficult, but the actual process was harder than Bryn could ever have imagined. She didn't know if what she felt for Harvey was love, but she knew that it was definitely more than friendship. Talk about not knowing what you have until it's gone.
With a heavy heart, Bryn sat back down in her chair and turned the folded page over and over in her hand before finally reading the words that lay before her.
I talked to my sister in Memphis
And I told her you were movin' to town
Here's her number
She said she'd be glad to show you around
I left a map on your front seat
Just in case you lose your way
But don't worry, once you reach Sallisaw
It's all interstate
I know you need to go
But before you do I want you to know, that I
Wish you the best
And I wish you nothing less
Than every thing you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
I figure right about sundown
You'll be in West Tennessee
And by then
Maybe I'll understand why you had to leave
I know that you've done some changin'
And I know there's no changin' your mind
And yes I know
We've been through this a thousand times
I'm sorry for still holdin' on
I'll try to let go and I'll try to be strong, and I'll
Wish you the best
And I wish you nothing less
Than every thing you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
Yeah, everything you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you'll find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
I wish you'd stay
As her eyes moved down the page, Bryn thanked God that she was alone in the station for the time being. Harvey, why couldn't you have said something sooner?
********************
Okay, kids! That was part one; I am now working on a sequel. I may post these as separate stories or together as chapters, who knows.
Summary: I had recently discovered a name for constantly breaking cannon, alternate universe, so that's what this apparently is. I seem to have an affinity for a/u, anyway. I had asked Mel (thanks again for your editing help!) once why Bryn had left the SIU, and she told me that we never found out; the writers just left us hanging. I am a constant daydreamer and I have had some really good ideas for an answer for a while now. I had always aspired to write a long 'epic' fanfic, so hopefully that's what this will be. As always, read and review!
P.S. If there are any Duesies in the crowd (you know who you are), I have included some spots here and there for you; I don't think that show should have ever been canceled either!
Disclaimer: Ho-hum, Nash Bridges is not mine, yadda yadda; I am not making any money off of this story... Jeff Perry, Mary Mara, Don Johnson, none of those guys are mine either. The song I used belongs to Brad Paisley and all of his friends; I'm not making any money off of that either.
********************
Harvey tied the laces on his dress shoes and stood up as he admired his reflection in the mirror. Although he had felt obligated to sacrifice the beret tonight, Harvey had stilled his conscience with the fact that armband was remaining behind. "Not bad, Leek, not bad at all, if you do say so yourself."
As he headed out the door, Harvey's eye caught the picture he had of the entire gang at last year's Christmas party and he lingered for a moment over Bryn's laughing image. I bet she looks great tonight.
---
Inger grabbed Joe's shoulders firmly and shook them, forcing him to stop struggling and look at his wife. "Joseph, I can't fix your tie if you won't stand still! You're running late and you can't afford to fuss at me any longer."
"Aw, hon, you know I hate getting dressed up. I wish we could just wear T- shirts and boxers to work everyday." Joe sighed and resigned himself to his wife's preening.
Finishing the knot, Inger stood back and gave him a final once-over, proud of her work. "Darling, you look great. It's a pity that we couldn't find a baby-sitter for Lucia tonight; I would have loved to have come with you."
"Oh, no, you wouldn't. Stuffed shirts, inter-department politics, table manners ... You're better off staying as far away from it as you can get, Inger." Laughing as he kissed his wife and daughter goodbye, Joe grabbed his keys and hurried out the door.
---
"Ow! Holy crap! Mmmm!" Bryn yelped in pain and stomped her foot as she set her curling iron down on the vanity and ran her hand under some cold water to numb the pain. Eyeing the red streak still remaining on her hand, Bryn grimaced and sighed; she would have to wear gloves after all.
As the pain subsided, Bryn glanced up at herself in the bathroom mirror. She had finally won the war with her stubborn hair, and the dark blue satin hung on her body gracefully. Bryn gathered up the hem of her gown so as not to step on it and walked out the door to her car. For a consciously inexplicable reason, she couldn't wait to see Harvey.
---
Nash came out of his bedroom and stood before his daughter, awaiting inspection. When Cassidy didn't look up from her homework, he cleared his throat loudly to get her attention. "Well, what do you think?"
"Whoa, Dad! Very nice!" Cassidy let loose a comically seductive whistle and went over to her father, giving him a quick hug. "You look great! Have fun tonight, okay?"
Laughing, he returned his daughter's embrace. "I'll see what I can do, Cass."
---
Evan grunted as he struggled with the buttons on his dress shirt. Come on, man, at least you're plainclothes and you don't have to wear your uniform tonight; not everybody's that lucky. Finishing his look with some gold cufflinks, Evan took the opportunity to admire the finished product that grinned back at him from the full-length mirror on his closet door. "Enough to knock any chick dead, as usual."
---
Harvey, Evan, Nash and Joe sat the SIU's table, making small talk with the occasional officer that stopped by to say hello as they waited for the meal to be served and the banquet to begin.
Joe fidgeted with his napkin; impatient for the whole thing to start so it could be over with. "So, where's Bryn? Isn't she coming?"
Nash shrugged as he took a sip of his drink. "I'm sure she'll be here soon; we're nominated for Task Force of the Year again. She has to come."
Joe's inquiry was answered as a tuxedoed usher led Bryn to the table and pulled her chair out for her. All four inspectors stood up immediately as Bryn was seated and sat back down when she was settled and had a drink at her hand. Bryn offered a questioning look at the unexpected display of chivalry, especially at Evan's, but Nash quickly produced an explanation.
"If we have to get dressed up like this, we might as well go for the gold. Besides, you'd be surprised at how many other little tricks Evan was taught tonight, right bubba?" Chuckling, he looked over at Harvey and winked.
Harvey struggled to find his voice and respond as he took in Bryn's full beauty. She wore a snug gown that complimented every inch of her body and her blonde hair was piled in elegant curls on top of her head. Bryn looked nice no matter what she wore, but tonight. Oh, yeah. Answer the question. Harvey bowed slightly and gently kissed her gloved hand as he remembered how to smile. "Yeah, like always to compliment the lady on how she looks. Bryn, you're absolutely stunning this evening."
She was momentarily startled by the genuine admiration she saw in Harvey's eyes, but the choruses of agreement from Evan, Joe, and Nash plus the arrival of her meal took Bryn's mind off of whatever track it was heading down.
---
The banquet was over, the San Francisco Police Department's Special Investigations Unit was once again the top task force in the state, and the five inspectors were preparing to leave, more comfortable clothes on the minds of everyone.
Evan handed Bryn her bag as he pulled out her chair, waiting for her to stand up. "I've been in training for this night almost two weeks. Aren't ya proud?"
Bryn laughed as she came to her feet and turned to leave. Just take this while you can, you'll probably never see it again. At least not until next year. "Yes, Evan, I'm very flattered. I'll see everybody in the morning. Night, guys!"
As Bryn walked out the door and headed to her car, she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and a friendly but unfamiliar face looked back at her. "Inspector Carson?" When she nodded in confirmation, he smiled and continued. "Good. I was hoping to catch you before you left. Congratulations on your unit being honored tonight. I'm Detective James Morrison, from the DEA."
Bryn decided to play along as she shook the proffered hand, even though she had no idea who this man was or what he wanted. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Is there something I can help you with?"
"Well, yes. I'll get straight to the point. I'm here to offer you a position with our team, the undercover team to be specific. With your experience, you could come straight in as a detective; none of those annoying ladder rungs to climb up. Your recognition tonight only confirms this." Morrison's smile deepened as he looked at the blonde woman expectantly; the prospect obviously appealed to her and Carson would be a prime addition to his lineup.
Bryn's mouth opened slightly as she tried to absorb the elephant that was just metaphorically dropped in her lap. She couldn't believe that someone would just walk up to her like this. This guy is out of his mind, acting like a recruiter for an NFL team. "Sorry, Detective, but I'm very happy with where I'm at right now. Thank you for the offer, though; I'm complimented." Bryn opened her car door and tossed her bag into the passenger seat when he touched her shoulder again.
"That's too bad, Miss Carson. But please, take my card and don't hesitate to call if you happen to change your mind. The offer stands indefinitely. Again, please extend my congratulations to your entire unit." Smiling and bowing slightly just like Harvey had earlier, he placed a business card in her hand and strolled off to his own vehicle.
Shaking her head at the thought of leaving her best friends, she gathered the skirt of her gown in her hand and moved to sit down in the driver's seat. As Bryn bent her head to keep from brushing her curls against the roof of her car, her head jerked up quickly at the sound of a dark-haired woman screaming.
"Tony!!! Tony, come back and stand with mommy! Hurry!" A small boy stood in the middle of the street, turning around to see what his worried mother wanted. Little Tony never saw the black sedan heading straight for him.
Bryn watched in complete horror as the situation unfolded in front of her. Tony's curious smile towards his mother faded and was replaced with a mixture of pain and terror as the thud of metal hitting flesh filled Bryn's ears. Leaving her car door open, Bryn ran to the boy, slipping on the asphalt in her high heels.
Tony's mother was screaming in Italian as she held her injured son in her arms. Bryn turned around to see which direction the driver was heading and saw Nash and Joe standing on the sidewalk, shooting at the tires, attempting to get the car to stop. Two bullets shattered the back glass, but the third one found its mark, causing the black Cadillac to careen out of control and hit a nearby telephone pole.
Two young uniformed officers hurried over to the driver and dragged him out of the car, while the two inspectors were joined by Harvey and Evan rushing out the door of the restaurant and joining them. Confident that the driver was under control, all four ran to where Bryn was at and pushed through the quickly growing crowd.
"Alright, people, come on! Out of the way, move!" Joe's stomach turned at the sight before him. A little boy that couldn't have been five years old yet lay on the ground as Bryn fought to provide artificial respiration to him. Oh, sweet mother. What if that little kid was Lucia.?
Harvey reached into his pocket for his phone to call for an ambulance and Joe and Evan knelt close to Bryn, ready to take over the CPR once she got tired. Nash sat next to the distraught mother and held her in his arms, whispering comforting words to her as she sobbed.
Bryn pushed determinedly at the boy's chest, willing him not to give up. Come on, you're only four or five; you can't quit this early in the game, come on.
The boy's body convulsed and Bryn thought she had somehow gotten through to Tony. She bent her head down quickly to give him another breath when his body convulsed again. Bryn sat back, gagging, as his blood dripped out of her mouth. Tony jerked once more, spitting up more blood before turning his head to his mother. "Mommy? M-mommy, my tummy hurts. Help me."
Bryn spit Tony's blood out of her mouth and moved towards him again, but stopped herself when the ambulance screeched up beside them, lights flashing and people pouring out. She scooted back quickly as a short, curly-haired woman that had to have weighed all of 100 pounds soaking wet shoved Evan out of her way and knelt next to the small form that had stopped convulsing and now lay still.
"How long have you been doing CPR on the kid?" The woman looked at Bryn and waited impatiently for an answer as another burly black medic came up beside her with a backboard and began delicately maneuvering it underneath the small body.
"Just a few minutes. He started jerking and throwing up blood; I had to quit for a minute. That's when you guys got here." Bryn felt a growing sense of doom as she watched two more medics pushing through the crowd with a collapsible gurney with a large medical bag resting on top of it.
The diminutive EMT got out of their way and repositioned herself next to the huge man who was finishing with a strap on the backboard. One of the other medics grabbed the red bag and knelt in her place, hurriedly searching through it for the proper instrument. "Alright, Perkins, suction him! We've got intubate him so he can breathe, but we can't do it with that fluid in his throat. MOVE!!!"
Perkins cursed under his breath as he cut the boy's buttoned-up shirt down the front to fully expose the throat. For the love of all that is holy, I hope we aren't too late. I've never seen anybody look like this and wake up again, not anybody.
With the blood removed from Tony's throat and an intubator placed in the boy's esophagus, the medics placed two of themselves at each end of the boy, while the first medic looked at her teammates questioningly. "On three? One, two, three." Tony was lifted onto the gurney and strapped on. Tiny and Goliath pushed him quickly towards the ambulance while the other two ran in front to open the doors and help the gurney inside.
Harvey helped Bryn to her feet and wiped the remaining droplets of blood off of her mouth with a handkerchief. Looking at each other without saying a word, both inspectors knew that it was over; the ambulance would never reach the ER in time to help him.
Leek was torn at the emotions he saw washing over Bryn's face as she eyed the ambulance doors clapping shut before it sped away from the scene, sirens squealing. He was upset for the boy and his mother, but Harvey was more concerned about what he had just seen Bryn go through, for a selfish reason that he quickly pushed out of his mind as he again caught sight of the distraught mother.
"Bryn, are you going to be alright?" When she didn't answer him, he raised his voice slightly. "Bryn! Carson, are you okay?"
Bryn jumped slightly and looked at Harvey as though she was just noticing his presence for the first time that evening. "I'm-I'm fine. I mean, why wouldn't I." The image of Tony turning his head towards his mother and pleading for help came into her mind again and she collapsed into Harvey's arms, wanting desperately to cry but finding that she wasn't able to. I can't believe this! He's just a kid! "Harv, why did this happen? He probably hadn't even learned how to ride a bike yet!"
"Bryn, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know why this happened. I can tell you one thing, though. We're going to get this guy. We all saw him do this and he's going down." Harvey kissed the top of Bryn's head and held her closer, wanting to erase the past few moments for her and heartbroken that he couldn't.
Two obviously inexperienced and young officers dragged the handcuffed driver up to the crowd, causing the two inspectors to interrupt the embrace. Flushed with importance, they presented him before Nash and Joe like he was a hunting trophy, eager to impress the senior inspectors and in no doubt that they had done so.
Bryn left Harvey's side and stormed over to the man who had just ran down a child in front of almost two hundred people. "What did that kid ever do to you, huh? Answer me that."
Bryn was answered only with sarcastically laughing eyes and a smug grin and she felt her ire rising by the minute at how this creature could possibly be proud of something so heinous. "Wipe that smile off your face! Answer me! Look at her! Look what you've done!" She pointed to the lady who had returned to Nash and was again sobbing uncontrollably with grief
Bryn had wanted to scream at this guy, hit him, shoot him, kill him, anything to make him pay for murdering an innocent child. She jumped at him, not sure of what she would do next, but was stopped when she felt a grip on her arm.
Bryn whipped around and saw Evan behind her, his face a mixture of warning and compassion. "Sister, let's go. This S.O.B. isn't worth doing something you're going to regret in the morning."
Bryn took a deep breath and allowed Harvey and Joe to lead her back to her car. Evan turned to follow them, but not before he spoke to the man who was now practically giggling. "You're gonna get yours, just wait." When the driver again just smiled, Evan felt his fist ball up and he felt a taste of the hatred Bryn must be feeling right now. That rat bast- how could he do this and then seem so arrogant? Remember his own advice just a moment ago, he gave a final glare and stalked off.
---
Nash slammed his hand on his desk in anger at what he had just found out about. "You've got to be kidding me! We SAW him do this, and now you're telling me he's just walking away without even a slap on the wrist?"
The voice on the other end of the phone feigned sympathy as she once again explained the situation. "It was his right, it was denied to him, and now you know what we have to do. You've known this for what, thirty years now? How long have you been a cop anyway?"
Nash slammed the phone down, not wishing to be interviewed about how long he'd been wearing a badge. The desk sergeant was right, although he didn't want to admit it. This wasn't the first time Nash had seen a loophole like this develop, even though he still loathed it.
His eyes flicked up from his desk blotter at the sight of Bryn coming in for the morning and he rubbed his hand over his face, wondering how to tell her. Nash was concerned about how involved she was becoming with the situation, but he figured he didn't have a lot of room to be speaking about becoming fixated on a case. Nash sighed as he stood up and walked over to her. I'm willing to bet I've never even heard of angry yet.
Bryn looked up when Nash sat on the corner of her desk. "Nash, I got Ms. Vecchio a lawyer already and he's on his way; right now, she's in Interrogation three and Ronnie's taking her statement as we speak." She stopped talking and felt her insides contract at the look on Nash's face. "What? What happened?"
"Uh, Bryn, don't bother. This guy, this Armando Langostini, he's gone." His heart went out to her as he watched a combination of surprise and confusion come over her face and he was fairly certain that she had never dealt with something like this before.
"They let him go? What for? We saw him commit cold-blooded murder and now he's free?" Bryn shook her head in disbelief at what she was hearing.
"The two rookies that arrested him last night, well, they didn't read him his rights. We lost him. Sister, this thing was over before it even got started. I'm sorry, Bryn, I know how important this was to you."
Bryn held up a hand to stop his condolences; she didn't feel like hearing them right now. "Does Francesca know?"
"Who?"
"Francesca Vecchio, the mom. The little boy's name was Tony, and he was going to turn five in a month and a half. Excuse me Nash, I need some air." Bryn stood and marched out to the fantail, needing to be alone and swearing silently when she heard Nash follow her.
Bryn leaned on the railing, feeling the tears that had tried to come last night renew their attempt. They finally succeeded and as she buried her head in her arms, Nash put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed hard. He jumped back when she straightened up suddenly and faced him.
"Nash, he knew. That guy knew they hadn't read him his rights. That's why he was so pleased with himself last night. Nash, he knew he was going to get away with this." Bryn began crying once more and didn't fight when Nash pulled her to him.
When her tears finally subsided, she stood back and took a deep breath. "Nash, let me get this straight. This man killed a four-year old boy in front two hundred eyewitnesses, and he's walking? Is that what happened?"
Nash furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to understand what Bryn was getting at. "Yeah, basically. I don't like this either, sister. In fact, I hate it, but there's nothing we can do. We didn't write California's laws, but we have to uphold them anyway."
Bryn looked at Nash in bewilderment at how callous he was being, but she decided to save it for later. She needed some time to think about the thought that had suddenly entered her brain. "Nash, I'm going home; file it as a sick day."
Nash narrowed his eyes indignantly at how brazenly Bryn had gone over his head just now, but quickly concluded that this was not the time to challenge her. "That's fine, sister. We're here if you need anything, alright?" Giving her another hug, he walked back towards the office to deal with all the other criminals in San Francisco who hadn't found loopholes.
---
Bryn walked into her apartment and quietly shut the door. She wanted to slam it, but couldn't find the energy.
Fixing a cup of tea, Bryn went into her bedroom to lie down. Setting the mug on her nightstand, she wished it were tequila as she flopped onto the mattress.
Bryn sat back up to reach for the steaming liquid and her eyes passed over the outfit she had worn last night. The gloves lay on the arm of her chair, and she remembered how happy the evening had started out. Bryn recalled how her heart had skipped a beat when she saw Harvey and how she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at how he had worn his Grateful Dead armband with a tuxedo. Bryn also remembered how warm she had felt inside when Harvey took her hand and kissed it and also when he had complimented her appearance. As miserable as she felt, Bryn smiled fondly at the recollection. Harvey can always make me smile, especially when I don't feel like it.
As her eyes drifted from the gloves to the shoes on the floor, the happy memories dissolved rapidly and she thought again of seeing Tony run down and how Bryn felt she had to save him, even though she knew she could never make it in time. The heels were scuffed with black asphalt from when she had stumbled, and one of the buckles on the left shoe was broken.
Bryn closed her eyes tightly and shook her head in an attempt to clear the horrid memories. Her eyes then fell on her gown, which was hanging up on the closet door. There were several dark spots on the front that appeared almost black against the blue satin, and Bryn recognized them as some of the blood Tony had coughed up.
Bryn set her tea back on the nightstand and broke down for a second time as she fought again to rid her mind of the images. I saw him fly through the air, I was giving him CPR, I had his blood in my mouth, I heard him say his tummy hurt, and I watched him die. I watched a completely innocent boy die, and the monster that did it won't ever pay.
Bryn breathed deeply in an attempt to calm herself down, and as she reached again for her tea, her hand paused as it brushed against her badge. She stared carefully at it for a long time as she mused out loud about her job.
"I've been a cop for sixteen years. Sixteen years. How could I have been so blind, how could I have given almost half of my life to something that has rules like this?" The picture of Tony asking his mother to help him returned and she swallowed hard to eighty-six the tears before they started again. This Langostini guy is getting away with homicide because of some stupid tyro's mistake. Too tired to think anymore, Bryn curled up in a fetal position and fell asleep.
==============================
"Cara, my precious cara, I love you." A woman in a black dress knelt next to a granite angel and placed four red roses at the stone feet as the tears that she shed quickly smudged her makeup. "Mommy loves her little Antonio, and she'll be with you soon. Have fun with daddy until I come up there with you both." Kissing her hand and then placing it on the angel's cheek, the Italian woman stood up and walked towards her car as the rain began to fall.
In the carefully manicured trees on the border of the cemetery, a man in an expensive black suit watched the grieving woman drive away and he began to laugh. Armando Langostini shook with sadistic mirth as his laugh grew louder and louder, then he suddenly stopped and turned his head as if just noticing that somebody was watching him. The green eyes suddenly turned red and the smile was instantaneously replaced with a scowl as he hissed a single word before disappearing completely. "Bryn!"
==============================
Bryn sat up in bed with a start, gasping for air as cold sweat dripped down her forehead. After looking around quickly to reassure herself that it was only a nightmare, Bryn placed a hand against her chest to feel how fast her heart was racing.
As the dreamt sound of Langostini's maniacal laughter filled her head again, Bryn made the decision she had been contemplating since she had first been out on the fantail that morning. Taking her badge in her hand, she turned it over and over, knowing that she had to do this, whether it was right or not. It's over. I'm just not strong enough anymore.
---
Nash sighed heavily as he accepted Bryn's badge and weapon. I can't believe she's doing this. What am I supposed to say to her? Placing his chin in his hand, he looked at Bryn hard, praying to find some trace of uncertainty, but he found nothing but a stoic expression. "Bryn, are you sure?"
She looked down at the floor, not quite sure what to say herself. "Nash, I'm sure. Please don't try to stop me. Please."
"You're a big girl and you obviously can make your own decisions. I won't force you to stay here, but Bryn, I need you to know that I think you're making a mistake."
Bryn met Nash's eyes once more before answering quietly. "Maybe." She looked up at the sounds of Joe, Harvey and Evan coming back in from a case and fled. I'll say goodbye later. I can't do it right now.
Joe walked up to his partner's desk, not noticing what lay underneath Nash's hand. "Hey, Nashman, what was that all about? Is Bryn okay?"
Nash turned his head up so he could look his partner in the eye. "Uh, bubba, she just quit." He moved his hand to display her surrendered belongings and continued. "Bryn's leaving because she said can't pour her heart and soul into a system that works like this."
"What are you talking about, the Vecchio kid?" Joe's face creased into a frown as he felt something very good coming to an end. Bryn was the last one I would expect to go south on us like this over one case.
"Yeah, him. I just hope that this turns out to be a leave of absence instead of something final, like she tells me it is." He broke eye contact with Joe and looked over at Harvey and Evan who had been standing behind Joe, both of them too stunned to say a word.
Evan was the one to break the silence, and he stuttered with disbelief. "Y- you mean she left? Just like-just like that, she up and punks out on us?"
Nash gave his youngest inspector a look that resembled one a parent would give to a child that knew better than that. "Ev, I think that's putting it pretty strong."
"I'm right, though, and you know it. She's been a cop almost as long as Harvey; I know for a fact this isn't the first guy she's seen get cut loose because of a technicality." Evan stomped back to his own desk, more angry than distressed at the fact that Bryn was resigning.
Harvey remained at Nash's desk, still unable to speak. He felt like somebody had kicked him in the gut as he picked up Bryn's badge and held it tightly in his fist. Deliberately and slowly, he discovered his voice. "When's she leaving?"
"Immediately, I guess. I have her badge and her gun; she can't do anymore police work. I don't think she would just walk out of here without saying goodbye to us, though." Nash sighed again as he tried to comprehend that his team had just lost one of its members of her own free will.
Setting Bryn's badge back on Nash's desk, Harvey took his beret off and twisted it in his hand for a moment before putting it back on his head and returning to his desk, muttering to himself as he sat back down at his computer. "Yeah, she wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, would she?"
---
Bryn felt tears well up in her eyes as she watched the three inspectors walk out the door of the ferry. What had just happened was by no means a party, but Joe, Nash and Evan had come to tell her goodbye and wish her well, whatever she decided to do. Misty-eyed, Bryn told them that her decision was permanent, but that she would always love them and miss them more than anyone could imagine.
As she set the cardboard box of her belongings on her desk, Bryn felt her knees begin to buckle. Weeping, she fell into her chair. The one inspector she had wished would come to tell her goodbye hadn't shown up, and Bryn cried harder and harder until she thought she would choke herself. She knew that Harvey was going to be the hardest one to say goodbye to, but he was the one man she had wanted to see one last time more than anybody.
"Come on girl, stop this. Stop it right now." Bryn gave herself a pep talk to stop the tears. "You're going, and that's that. It doesn't matter if Harvey comes to see you off or not." She swallowed hard to stop the threatening sobs, knowing full well that it did matter.
Bryn didn't notice Harvey quietly coming up behind her and standing, waiting for the right moment to tell her what he had come to say. He tenderly placed a hand on her shoulder, and winced when she jumped about a foot in the air. "Sorry, Bryn. I didn't mean to scare you."
Bryn wiped at her eyes so Harvey wouldn't see the streaks of mascara making their way from her eyelashes down her cheeks. "I didn't think- I thought I wasn't going to get to say goodbye to you. I was afraid you weren't coming."
Harvey began rubbing at his ear with a forefinger as he spoke with a hesitant voice. "I waited on purpose. Those guys don't need to hear what I have to say to you."
Bryn's eyebrows lined themselves with consternation and her mouth opened slightly. "What do you need to say?"
Harvey met her eyes and took a deep breath before answering. "Bryn, why are you leaving the SIU? Don't BS me, either. Tell me the truth."
Bryn's head dropped; she wasn't able to tolerate the intensity she saw in Harvey's gaze. I couldn't lie to him if I wanted to. "Harvey, I was betrayed. I gave my life to the state of California, and it lied to me. I can't keep giving all my energy to somebody or something that lets a murderer loose because some kid wasn't familiar with all the rules yet. I just can't. Harvey, I wish I had the strength to do it, but I don't."
Closing his eyes and nodding slightly, Harvey fought desperately for the courage to tell Bryn how he felt about her, but it wouldn't come. He could see any chance he would ever have with Bryn slipping away at an alarming rate, but he couldn't bring himself to tell Bryn how much he cared for her. Harvey was just too scared.
Becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the silence between them, Harvey made a feeble attempt at sounding conversational. "So, where do you think you'll be going?"
Bryn lifted her head up to look at Harvey and her breath caught in her throat at the emotion Harvey was showing in his face as he waited for her answer. "I don't know. I'm going to stay with my sister in Chicago for a while; I'll figure things out in a few months. What do you think I should do?"
I think you should stay here with me, Bryn. I love you. Harvey took Bryn by the arm and pulled her to her feet, bringing her face inches from his. "Bryn, it doesn't matter what I think. You deserve to have everything you've ever wanted. If you can't be happy here, then you need to go somewhere where you will."
Harvey reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of folded paper, placing it on Bryn's desk. When she turned around to see what it said, he gently grabbed her hand to stop her. "Bryn, don't read it now. Not while I'm here." Harvey's throat felt swollen and tight as he pulled Bryn into his arms to say farewell.
Holding back the tears took every ounce of strength of Harvey possessed as she clung to him and returned the hug fiercely. He held Bryn close, desperate to keep her in his arms as long as he could knowing that once he let her go, he would probably never see her again. A single tear escaped his restraints as he whispered into her ear. "I'll miss you, Bryn. Think of me once in awhile, okay?"
When the two finally pulled apart, Bryn searched Harvey's face desperately for a clue as to what he was trying so hard to say but for some reason wasn't able to. "Harvey Leek, you don't have to ask."
Making one last attempt to find the nerve to tell her the entire truth and failing miserably, he left Bryn to the piece of paper on her desk.
---
When Harvey got out to his Ranchero, he looked over at Evan, who was leaning against the hood of the Ram. "Thanks for waiting, man."
Evan regarded his partner with a slightly raised eyebrow as he spoke. "What did she say?"
Harvey put his hands in his pockets and stared at his shoes before answering. "She didn't say anything, Ev. I didn't have the guts to tell her."
Evan pouted his lips thoughtfully and looked off to the side as he tried to decide how to respond. One half of him wanted to punch Harvey in the mouth for being such a coward about something this important, but the other half told him that Harvey needed a friend right now, not an admonisher. "Did you give her the lyrics?"
Harvey let out a loud breath; he was exasperated with himself for how he had handled the situation. "Yeah, I did. She doesn't even know what they are; I told her to wait until I was gone before she read them."
Evan knew the answer to his next question before he even voiced it, but a sense of duty to his friend made him ask it anyway. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Harvey opened the door to the Ranchero and got inside. "I'll feel like talking once I'm too drunk to know any better." He started the motor and looked at Evan inquiringly. "Bar or the Dead Room?"
Evan took his keys out of his pocket and walked to the driver's side of his truck before replying. "Dead Room, brother. I'm right behind ya."
---
Bryn felt like her heart was breaking as she watched Harvey walk out of the ferry. She knew that saying goodbye to him was going to be difficult, but the actual process was harder than Bryn could ever have imagined. She didn't know if what she felt for Harvey was love, but she knew that it was definitely more than friendship. Talk about not knowing what you have until it's gone.
With a heavy heart, Bryn sat back down in her chair and turned the folded page over and over in her hand before finally reading the words that lay before her.
I talked to my sister in Memphis
And I told her you were movin' to town
Here's her number
She said she'd be glad to show you around
I left a map on your front seat
Just in case you lose your way
But don't worry, once you reach Sallisaw
It's all interstate
I know you need to go
But before you do I want you to know, that I
Wish you the best
And I wish you nothing less
Than every thing you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
I figure right about sundown
You'll be in West Tennessee
And by then
Maybe I'll understand why you had to leave
I know that you've done some changin'
And I know there's no changin' your mind
And yes I know
We've been through this a thousand times
I'm sorry for still holdin' on
I'll try to let go and I'll try to be strong, and I'll
Wish you the best
And I wish you nothing less
Than every thing you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
Yeah, everything you've ever dreamed of
And I hope that you'll find love along the way
But most of all
I wish you'd stay
I wish you'd stay
As her eyes moved down the page, Bryn thanked God that she was alone in the station for the time being. Harvey, why couldn't you have said something sooner?
********************
Okay, kids! That was part one; I am now working on a sequel. I may post these as separate stories or together as chapters, who knows.