Chapt. 8

Tears wouldn't come, anger failed to make itself known, her throat remained closed and her heart...her heart was being torn apart one agonizing bit at a time. She couldn't remember how long she had been standing at the view port in their bedroom. How she longed for Worf's strong arms to surround her now. They'd stood like that more time than she could remember; especially during her pregnancies she would lean against his muscled chest as she'd muse about their feature children.

Eric and Shannara were perfect, despite being bad-tempered. They got along as well as any brother and sister; perhaps even better due to their unusual heritage. In fact that heritage had been the reason of a lot of concern during Deanna's first pregnancy. The children were the first with Klingon, Betazoid *and* Human DNA and for a long time Beverly had been uncertain about the genetic compatibility, which had only been enforced by three miscarriages before Eric and one before Shannara.

Grief flowed through Deanna's soul even stronger now as the full force of who she'd lost, not only this day, dawned her. Seven children and her husband...and she couldn't even cry, so strong was her grief. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. She needed to thrown something, hurt someone.

Without giving it another thought she hurried to the Holodeck, ignore the compassionate glances the crew threw her, her anger increased with each wave of compassion and/or pity she felt and by the time she'd reached the Holodeck she was seething with anger. Quickly she selected one of her husband's fight-programs, including a bath'let. And when the first holographic enemy made itself known Deanna screamed on the top of her lungs and with a flowing movement forced her bath'let through the attacker throat.

Outside the Holodeck Beverly Crusher stood contemplating on the wisdom of entering the Holodeck, knowing Deanna was running one of Worf's programs she wasn't sure it was safe. Her heart went out to her friend inside. Sure she'd been uncomfortable with the relationship between the bulky Klingon and the sensitive Betazoid at first. The pairing just seemed so unnatural, but although Deanna had occasionally walked into sickbay with bruises and every so often a broken bone, Beverly couldn't help but feel admiration and some satisfaction when Worf would follow for the same reason.

The uneasiness she had felt around them had soon disappeared when she realized just how much the two loved each other. And she had been so happy for the two of them when Eric had finally been born! Eric and Shannara were such sweeties! (Although both had a temper that easily matched her own) And the faint Klingon ridges underneath the pale skin were simply adorable.

And now they were gone.

It was so hard to believe they were gone. Just like that, no warning, not even an explanation and it tore her heart apart. If it caused herself this much sadness, what would it be like for Deanna? Since she'd started her relationship with Worf she had been happier than Beverly had ever seen her. And she'd deserved every second of it.

Beverly remembered the haunted look in Deanna's black eyes clearly during the months after Wolf 359. Troi had helped her so much during the time she'd grieved for Jean-Luc, as she'd helped Will and Worf adjusting to their new positions and the absence of their former captain.

The doctor sighed resigned and stepped towards the entrance and waited for the doors to open. The sight that greeted her was completely unexpected. Yes, she'd expected to find Deanna, yes, she'd expected to see blood and yes, she'd expected to seem some nasty aliens, but not like this. Deanna sat in the middle of a clearance; her body, hands and face covered in holographic blood. All kinds of body parts; arm, legs and even heads piled up around her.

What was perhaps even more shocking were the loud agonized cries of hurt and rage that came from the huddled form of the Betazoid. Quickly Beverly ordered the computer to discontinue the program and instead run one of her own she used to relax, then she lowered herself next to Deanna and drew her against her chest to let her cry her heart out.