Chapt. 16

Will Riker couldn't help but stare at his Imzadi with a sense of victory as her face turned ashen. "What?!"

~You heard me~

She had, but that didn't mean she believed it. And it certainly didn't mean she'd just fall into his arms now, for that seemed to be what he believed.

Riker was aware of her ire rising and took a step backwards, turning pleading blue eyes on her. "Deanna, please. Why are you running way?"

"I'm not--" she started to counter, but dropped her defense when Will squinted his eyes.

"Why won't admit you love me?"

"I don--"

"You do! Don't play me a fool Dea! I can *feel* it remember? The bond is still very much alive!" She felt the almost overwhelming urge to crawl into a dark corner and hide for the rest of her life. She loved him, yes. But she couldn't betray Worf's memory, could she? She couldn't allow herself to forget him or her children.

Yet psychologically she knew she had every right to choose a new mate --as Worf had once put it. Why did it have to be so difficult?! If had been anyone but Riker it might have been, she reckoned, but the simple truth was, that although she loved Worf, she'd never stopped loving Will.

It had been four and a half months since Worf, Eric and Shannara had disappeared, but it still felt too soon to start a new relationship. She needed time to fully deal with their absence; not keeping their like and dislikes in mind when thinking of what to eat, not having to align her duty roster with Worf's and stop having to remember herself she needn't pick Eric and Shannara up from kindergarten.

Not feeling the pain of their absence all over again each morning.

"Hey" Riker exclaimed suddenly, "why don't we have dinner tomorrow? Just the two of us." -- "In Ten-Forward" he added hastily.

"All right" Deanna reciprocated slowly. Not sure if she wanted to go, but not daring to say outright 'no' either.

For a second she thought he might kiss her, but instead he pulled away --to both her disappointment and relief-- and locked his eyes on hers. He wouldn't rush her, he'd decided. Better take it slow and avoid crashing

He could understand her turmoil better than she seemed to think, but at the same time his suppressed feelings for her were overwhelming him. They'd wasted so much time --no, *he* did, he corrected himself-- he couldn't think of anything but holding her in his arms. He might have pushed her harder than he had, had he not been given a speech by Beverly Crusher minutes before seeking out Deanna.

And as usual, the doctor had been right. If he would push her too hard, Deanna would turn away from him forever.

And that, he would never survive.