That Damn Hat
It's lunch, and I haven't eaten anything today, but I just can't stomach it.
Why not you ask? What could upset the great Severus Snape so much he loses all appetite?
Simple…the sorting hat.
What do I mean? Well look you stupid child! Look out to the house tables. What do you see?
Gryffindor, full of little Adonises. They all end up looking like a convention of fucking models by sixth year. Even Granger and that bug eyed Creevy kid look good.
Now look at Ravenclaw, geeks, every fucking one of them. Big noses, thick glasses, and cuts all over their hands from turning pages.
Hufflepuff, the most homely looking batch of children I have ever seen. The girls are all pudgy, and freckle faced. The boys have more acne than the Dark Lord has victims.
And then there is Slytherin. How the hell does this happen? Every year it's the same! The kids come in, looking decent, then somewhere along the lines turn into ugly little monsters. Buck teeth, greasy hair, large heads, feet, and hands. It's awful. Even Draco Malfoy, who I thought would break the cycle, broke out with a severe case of warts in his fifth year that never went away.
Oh god, Minerva is looking smug again, she knows what I'm thinking.
Fucking hat does this to annoy me. It has wanted to get me back ever since I set it on fire in my third year and it has finally found a way to do it.
I wonder if Albus would be terribly upset if I finished the job that I started back then.
Hmmm….
Great, now the headmaster is glaring at me. I swear the damn man is psychic.
::sigh:: maybe the damn thing will get tired of sorting me the ugliest of the lot in a few decades.
Maybe…
Okay, I have no idea as to where this came from so please don't kill me. Review please!