Cartman rummaged through his mom's makeup kit. Eyeliner. The guy working at Hot
Topic wore eyeliner.
"Meow," Kitty mewled.
"Aaaaah!! I was, just, I uh.. oh, it's just you, kitty." Cartman continued to rummage
through the bag of makeup.
"Aha! Eyeliner!" He snatched up the tiny black pencil and snuck out of the room. He
tiptoed back down to his room, where he emptied the contents of the Hot Topic bag onto
the floor...
**
Stan smiled as he entered the store. All this music, he thought to himself. He glanced
around the room, looking for something new, something exciting. He made his way
towards the checkout desk, where a short, curly haired brunette sat, reading some anime
magazine. She looked up from it and smiled. "Welcome to Sam Goody. How may I help
you?"
"Um, yeah. I'm looking for suggestions. You know. For new music."
She laughed. "Well, I don't even know who you are. How am I supposed to know what
you like?"
"Well, uh.." he did feel kind of stupid.
"Just tell me a few of your favorite bands, and I'll see if I can help."
"Well, uh, I like stuff like AFI, Finch, some Dashboard Confessional, Green Day, uh.."
"Hmmm. My kinda kid. How old are you, anyway?"
"I'm nine."
"What's your name?"
"Stan Marsh."
"Well hey there, Stan, my name's Celeste. Come with me, I'll see if I can help you out.
TOM!"
A blonde boy who looked around 15 sauntered over to the counter.
"Take over for me for a sec. I'm gonna help this kid find something to listen to." She
popped a piece of spearmint gum into her mouth and motioned for Stan to follow her...
**
The next day at the bus stop..
"Greetings, mortals," Cartman said.
The three boys just stood, and stared.
"Oh, that's right. You have yet to witness me in my true form."
Cartman was wearing a black short-sleeved t-shirt that read "Life Sucks" over a
long-sleeved black netting shirt. He was wearing several studded leather bracelets and a
dog collar. His hat was gone; his hair was now black with red highlights. His pants were
huge and black, with red trim on the pockets. They were torn at the bottom, and when he
stood with his legs together it looked almost like he was Morticia Addams. But the
funniest part of his new ensemble was the makeup. Eyeliner was everywhere. He wore
black lipstick, which had somehow gotten all over his forehead.
Stan, Kyle, and Kenny laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed..
Cartman was furious.
"Silence, fools! You laugh because I'm different, but inside, I laugh, because you're all
the same!"
"{No, we laugh because you're a goddamned dumb fatass!}"
The three boys laughed even harder, laughing and laughing, until Kenny started to choke.
A few seconds later, he fell over, dead.
"Oh my God, Cartman killed Kenny!"
"You bastard!"
Stan and Kyle began to laugh again. Cartman just folded his fat arms and scowled.
"You're just too immature to understand. It figures."
"Cartman, you are such a fucking dumbass."
**
Kyle was over at Stan's, where he was introducing him to some of his new music.
"Dude. What's this? It's..weird."
"It's AFI. Celeste said it was like listening to a dream."
"Really.. hey Stan, can I borrow this?.. For, you know.. listening to."
Stan was confused. Kyle was really acting weird lately.
"Uh.. sure, I guess,"
"Thanks, Stan!" He hugged him, grabbed the CD, and took off.
"Dude, that was pretty fucked up right there," he muttered to nobody in particular.
**
That night, Kyle listened to it over and over again. He knew the answer would come to
him if he had inspiration.
Sure enough, that night he had vivid dreams again.
A phoenix landed on his windowsill and called to him. Kyle grabbed its tail, as it lead
him off into the night sky. Everything was frozen under a thick sheet of ice, but Kyle
didn't feel cold at all. He felt safe, even though he knew he could slip at any moment and
plunge to an icy doom. The phoenix placed him gently down in a blooming cherry tree.
He watched the buds blossom before his eyes, like one of those slow-motion nature films.
He sighed contentedly, never wanting to leave. He looked up at the crescent moon and
smiled. He closed his eyes and felt a comfortable breeze against his face. But something
was wrong.. the wind got faster and faster. He opened his eyes and looked up, just in time
to see the moon come crashing down upon him..
**
"...and in the darkness I wait for death, doom, gloom, sadness! Mope! Mope! Mope! I am
so unhappy! My life is worthless! I hate everything! I am Eric Theodore Cartman, I am
immortal!" he penned his final verse. Cartman was pretty good at that gothic poetry stuff,
all you had to do was write down synonyms for sad and make it look pretty.
He couldn't believe it had come to this..
Eric sighed. It had been three long days since he was promised new Terrance and Phillip.
He lifted the gun to his temple, hands shaking, palms sweaty. He was about to pull the
trigger when-
"Honey, I've made powdered donut pancake surprise!"
Cartman's expression immediately changed. His stomach rumbled.
"Oh boy! Powdered donut pancake surprise! Screw this gloomy shit, I'm hungry!" He
dropped the gun and hurried to the kitchen.
Crisis averted!
**
Alright, I know I kinda ripped off Jhonen Vasquez in that last bit. I'm sorry John-in.
*grin* Anyway, if you don't get it, read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Lovely comic,
gory, but genius. Ah, so the next chapter will be the last. Read it. Or die!
PS it has a funny ending. I suck at serious shit.
Topic wore eyeliner.
"Meow," Kitty mewled.
"Aaaaah!! I was, just, I uh.. oh, it's just you, kitty." Cartman continued to rummage
through the bag of makeup.
"Aha! Eyeliner!" He snatched up the tiny black pencil and snuck out of the room. He
tiptoed back down to his room, where he emptied the contents of the Hot Topic bag onto
the floor...
**
Stan smiled as he entered the store. All this music, he thought to himself. He glanced
around the room, looking for something new, something exciting. He made his way
towards the checkout desk, where a short, curly haired brunette sat, reading some anime
magazine. She looked up from it and smiled. "Welcome to Sam Goody. How may I help
you?"
"Um, yeah. I'm looking for suggestions. You know. For new music."
She laughed. "Well, I don't even know who you are. How am I supposed to know what
you like?"
"Well, uh.." he did feel kind of stupid.
"Just tell me a few of your favorite bands, and I'll see if I can help."
"Well, uh, I like stuff like AFI, Finch, some Dashboard Confessional, Green Day, uh.."
"Hmmm. My kinda kid. How old are you, anyway?"
"I'm nine."
"What's your name?"
"Stan Marsh."
"Well hey there, Stan, my name's Celeste. Come with me, I'll see if I can help you out.
TOM!"
A blonde boy who looked around 15 sauntered over to the counter.
"Take over for me for a sec. I'm gonna help this kid find something to listen to." She
popped a piece of spearmint gum into her mouth and motioned for Stan to follow her...
**
The next day at the bus stop..
"Greetings, mortals," Cartman said.
The three boys just stood, and stared.
"Oh, that's right. You have yet to witness me in my true form."
Cartman was wearing a black short-sleeved t-shirt that read "Life Sucks" over a
long-sleeved black netting shirt. He was wearing several studded leather bracelets and a
dog collar. His hat was gone; his hair was now black with red highlights. His pants were
huge and black, with red trim on the pockets. They were torn at the bottom, and when he
stood with his legs together it looked almost like he was Morticia Addams. But the
funniest part of his new ensemble was the makeup. Eyeliner was everywhere. He wore
black lipstick, which had somehow gotten all over his forehead.
Stan, Kyle, and Kenny laughed. And laughed. And laughed. And laughed..
Cartman was furious.
"Silence, fools! You laugh because I'm different, but inside, I laugh, because you're all
the same!"
"{No, we laugh because you're a goddamned dumb fatass!}"
The three boys laughed even harder, laughing and laughing, until Kenny started to choke.
A few seconds later, he fell over, dead.
"Oh my God, Cartman killed Kenny!"
"You bastard!"
Stan and Kyle began to laugh again. Cartman just folded his fat arms and scowled.
"You're just too immature to understand. It figures."
"Cartman, you are such a fucking dumbass."
**
Kyle was over at Stan's, where he was introducing him to some of his new music.
"Dude. What's this? It's..weird."
"It's AFI. Celeste said it was like listening to a dream."
"Really.. hey Stan, can I borrow this?.. For, you know.. listening to."
Stan was confused. Kyle was really acting weird lately.
"Uh.. sure, I guess,"
"Thanks, Stan!" He hugged him, grabbed the CD, and took off.
"Dude, that was pretty fucked up right there," he muttered to nobody in particular.
**
That night, Kyle listened to it over and over again. He knew the answer would come to
him if he had inspiration.
Sure enough, that night he had vivid dreams again.
A phoenix landed on his windowsill and called to him. Kyle grabbed its tail, as it lead
him off into the night sky. Everything was frozen under a thick sheet of ice, but Kyle
didn't feel cold at all. He felt safe, even though he knew he could slip at any moment and
plunge to an icy doom. The phoenix placed him gently down in a blooming cherry tree.
He watched the buds blossom before his eyes, like one of those slow-motion nature films.
He sighed contentedly, never wanting to leave. He looked up at the crescent moon and
smiled. He closed his eyes and felt a comfortable breeze against his face. But something
was wrong.. the wind got faster and faster. He opened his eyes and looked up, just in time
to see the moon come crashing down upon him..
**
"...and in the darkness I wait for death, doom, gloom, sadness! Mope! Mope! Mope! I am
so unhappy! My life is worthless! I hate everything! I am Eric Theodore Cartman, I am
immortal!" he penned his final verse. Cartman was pretty good at that gothic poetry stuff,
all you had to do was write down synonyms for sad and make it look pretty.
He couldn't believe it had come to this..
Eric sighed. It had been three long days since he was promised new Terrance and Phillip.
He lifted the gun to his temple, hands shaking, palms sweaty. He was about to pull the
trigger when-
"Honey, I've made powdered donut pancake surprise!"
Cartman's expression immediately changed. His stomach rumbled.
"Oh boy! Powdered donut pancake surprise! Screw this gloomy shit, I'm hungry!" He
dropped the gun and hurried to the kitchen.
Crisis averted!
**
Alright, I know I kinda ripped off Jhonen Vasquez in that last bit. I'm sorry John-in.
*grin* Anyway, if you don't get it, read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Lovely comic,
gory, but genius. Ah, so the next chapter will be the last. Read it. Or die!
PS it has a funny ending. I suck at serious shit.